- 1 Season 1
- 1.1 Darkly Dawns the Duck, Part 1
- 1.2 Darkly Dawns the Duck, Part 2
- 1.3 Beauty and the Beet
- 1.4 Getting Antsy
- 1.5 Night of the Living Spud
- 1.6 Apes of Wrath
- 1.7 Dirty Money
- 1.8 Duck Blind
- 1.9 Comic Book Capers
- 1.10 Water Way to Go
- 1.11 Paraducks
- 1.12 Easy Come, Easy Grows
- 1.13 A Revolution in Home Appliances
- 1.14 Trading Faces
- 1.15 Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlatan
- 1.16 Can't Bayou Love
- 1.17 Bearskin Thug
- 1.18 You Sweat Your Life
- 1.19 Days of Blunder
- 1.20 Just Us Justice Ducks (Part 1)
- 1.21 Just Us Justice Ducks (Part 2)
- 1.22 Double Darkwings
- 1.23 Aduckyphobia
- 1.24 When Aliens Collide
- 1.25 Jurassic Jumble
- 1.26 Cleanliness is Next to Badliness
- 1.27 Smarter Than a Speeding Bullet
- 1.28 All's Fahrenheit in Love and War
- 1.29 Whiffle While You Work
- 1.30 Ghoul of My Dreams
- 1.31 Adopt-A-Con
- 1.32 Toys Czar Us
- 1.33 The Secret Origins of Darkwing Duck
- 1.34 Up, Up, and Awry
- 1.35 Life, the Negaverse, and Everything
- 1.36 Dry Hard
- 1.37 Heavy Mental
- 1.38 Disguise the Limit
- 1.39 Planet of the Capes
- 1.40 Darkwing Doubloon
- 1.41 It's a Wonderful Leaf
- 1.42 Twitching Channels
- 1.43 Dances with Bigfoot
- 1.44 Twin Beaks
- 1.45 The Incredible Bulk
- 1.46 My Valentine Ghoul
- 1.47 Dead Duck
- 1.48 A Duck by Any Other Name
- 1.49 Let's Get Respectable
- 1.50 In Like Blunt
- 1.51 Quack of Ages
- 1.52 Time and Punishment
- 1.53 Stressed to Kill
- 1.54 The Darkwing Squad
- 1.55 Inside Binkie's Brain
- 1.56 Slime Okay, You're Okay
- 1.57 Whirled History
- 1.58 U.F. Foe
- 1.59 A Star is Scorned
- 1.60 The Quiverwing Quack
- 1.61 Jail Bird
- 1.62 Dirty Something
- 1.63 Kung Fooled
- 1.64 Bad Luck Duck
- 2 Season 2
- 3 Season 3
- 4 Miscellaneous Quotes
- 5 Dialogue
- 6 "I am the..."
- 7 External links
Darkly Dawns the Duck, Part 1
- Darkwing Duck: [first line of series] This is the city of St. Canard. Like any other major metropolis, it has its problems with the criminal element.
- Darkwing: [To policeman] Another order of dastardly deliquents delivered on your doorstep, courtesy of Darkwiiiiiiiiiiing Duck! That's two words, not three, both D's capitalized. Here's my photo. If the papers need more glossies my number's on the card. [chuckles]
- Darkwing: I thought this was the age of media glut! Where's the Action News van when you need them? And I spent all afternoon ironing this cape.
- Darkwing: [gets smashed by his refridgerator in his kitchen obstacle course] I always forget the milk.
- Taurus Bulba: Let me understand this, Hammerhead... you and your "associates" are questioning my plan?
- Hammerhead: Gee, boss, no... well, sorta. The boys and I were wondering if we couldn't wait until the train stops before we steal the Ramrod!
- Taurus Bulba: Ohhhhhhhh, you mean after the army takes control of the weapon with its tanks and jeeps and hundreds of guards! [snorts angrily]
- Hammerhead: I guess we didn't think of that! [to Hoof and Mouth] Why didn't you think of that?!
- Taurus Bulba: [grabs Hammerhead by the neck] Because I am the brains and you are the stooge!
- Hammerhead: [wheezing] That's it, boss. I'm a stooge. Just call me Curly! [chokes]
- Warden: Bulba, I trust you're still enjoying your stay in prison?
- Taurus Bulba: It's peaceful. No one bothers me. Actually, it suits my business needs perfectly.
- Darkwing: [watching Taurus Bulba's condor through binoculars] I know birds fly south for the winter, but this is the first one I've seen with luggage!
- [Darkwing crashes throught the roof of Launchpad's hanger.]
- Darkwing: Bruised, battered, but never defeated, Darkwing Duck springs back into action! [pops his back] Clever of me to use my spine to break my fall like that.
- Launchpad: [first line] Hold it right there, you pirate!
- Launchpad: I have a scrapbook full of all your newspaper clippings! Of course, it isn't a very big scrapbook...
- Darkwing: [nervously] Um, wouldn't it be easier to catch the bad guys if we were flying the other way?
- Launchpad: Oh yeah. [turns plane around forward] Sometimes I have trouble with that...
- Darkwing: [whines] They got away...
- Launchpad: [laughs] Can't argue that point, DW! So what do we do next?
- Darkwing: We? We do nothing. I work alone.
- Launchpad: But I could be your sidekick.
- Darkwing: Singing cowboys have sidekicks! I rely on me, nobody but me, got that?
- Launchpad: [grabs Darkwing's leg] Please, please, please, please, please...
- Darkwing: [pulls away] Let me make this clear to you: I never want to see you again!
- Launchpad: Okay... so do you want my phone number?
- Taurus Bulba: The Ramrod is useless without the arming code. Unfortunately, someone arranged an accident for Professor Waddlemeyer last year before I could learn it! Go to the St. Canard Orphanage and bring me his granddaughter. She was practically raised in his lab. If anyone knows the code, she does. After we get the code, then she can have an accident [laughs] like her grandfather. I trust you can get the order right this time!
- Hammerhead: No problem. Code first, THEN accident.
- Orphanage Director: You know Gosalyn, and you willingly came to see her?
- Gosalyn: [first line] Comin' through! All right, play it where it lays!
- Gosalyn: Look, I don't know anything about a pig and I was nowhere near the boys' bathroom at the time!
- Gosalyn: [to Hammerhead] After Mom and Dad died, Grandpa was the only family I had in the whole world. But since he's been gone, I've made lots of friends here, so it's not so bad. [sighs] Until adoption day. Seems like I'm always saying good-bye... to someone. You know, I'm not a problem child! Grandpa said I just have a lot of spirit. He says when you're full of spirit, everyone else looks empty. Someday I'll meet somebody who understands that. Then I'll be adopted.
- [Darkwing is trying to find a place besides his hideout for Gosalyn to stay.]
- Darkwing: Where's my phonebook? I'll just find you a hotel or something. [under breath] Maybe the animal shelter has an opening.
- Gosalyn: Well, I suppose I could leave, but then I might let it slip where a certain masked avenger hangs out.
- Darkwing: You wouldn't!
- Gosalyn: [shrugs] Hey, I'm a kid, I'm supposed to be irresponsible.
- [After Taurus Bulba bursts out of jail in a giant airship shaped like his head]
- Warden: Guess they been makin' more than license plates.
Darkly Dawns the Duck, Part 2
- Darkwing: A desperate criminal is at large, and terror runs through the streets like a pair of cheap stockings! But it's hopeless! No one gets the drop on Dark-
- Gosalyn: [drops on top of Darkwing] Gosalyn Waddlemeyer! Boy, Darkwing, you gotta work on your narration. They write better stuff on Saturday morning cartoons.
- Darkwing: Oh yeah? Well, how's this? [flips Gosalyn upside down] In a lightning move, Darkwing turns the tables-
- [Gosalyn starts tickling him.]
- Darkwing: -on the t-tiny t-terror... will you stop that! That's no fair tickling...
- Gosalyn: How come you wear a mask?
- Darkwing: Because... there is nothing so terrifying to the criminal mind as the unknown... I am the thing that goes bump in the night! I am the neurosis that requires a five-hundred-dollar-an-hour shrink!
- Gosalyn: You mean you don't take off your mask for anyone?
- Darkwing: That's right. Not no one, not never.
- Gosalyn: What about a really, really, really close friend? [bats eyelashes]
- Darkwing: Well, uh... maybe. Someday.
- Darkwing: What is a Waddlemeyer Ramrod anyway?
- Gosalyn: [recites] It's a trackiospecific device that disrupts gravitational bonds on a molecular level allowing manipulation on a macro scale.
- Darkwing: What does that mean?
- Gosalyn: I dunno. I think it makes things float and stuff. [pulls out a photo] Here's a photo. That's grandpa.
- Darkwing: Looks like you two were close.
- Gosalyn: [sadly] We were. [crosses arms] But he never told me any code!
- Darkwing: Unfortunately, Taurus Bulba doesn't know that. His men will be searching for you, you know. [chuckles] Although if they knew how much spirit you have, they'd probably run the other way.
- Gosalyn: Spirit? [kisses Darkwing's cheek] Thanks, Darkwing!
- Darkwing: Uh, sure...
- Gosalyn: [ten seconds after going to bed] I can't sleep!
- Darkwing: Aw, you just need something to relax you. I know I have a large mallet around here somewhere.
- Gosalyn: This has the suspicious ring of reverse pschology to it.
- Darkwing: [hearing Gosalyn's snore] This kid could wake Elvis...
- [Taurus Bulba is sending Darkwing a message in coded message from his airship.]
- Hammerhead: But boss, what if he doesn't know morse code?
- Taurus Bulba: [laughs] That do-gooder? He probably sleeps with the Boy Scout handbook under his pillow.
- [In Darkwing Tower, Darkwing pulls the Boy Scout handbook out from under his pillow]
- Darkwing: Phew! Sure glad I saved this baby!
- Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the jailer who throws away the key! I AM- [notices he is alone] feeling really stupid. Boy I hate it when I'm early. You'd think criminal masterminds would be more punctual.
- Gosalyn: Eat fiber, horn head!
- Gosalyn: [to Taurus Bulba] Darkwing Duck is gonna crush you like a stale corn chip!
- Darkwing: I could have had a life, but no, I chose to be a clown in a mask and cape! All I need are floppy shoes and bozo nose!!!
- Gosalyn: I'm sorry, Darkwing. If they hadn't caught me, you wouldn't have risked your life.
- Darkwing: Gos, before I met you I didn't have a life worth risking.
- Gosalyn: [after the condor drops her and almost lets her hit the ground] And to think, I used to pay money for rides like that.
- Clovis: Mom was right. I should have been a dental hygienist.
- Taurus Bulba: I underestimated you once, Darkwing Duck! This time you simply die!
- Orphanage Director: I'm sorry, Mr. Mallard. Gosalyn's not feeling very well today. And frankly, it appears you've seen better days yourself.
- Drake Mallard: Oh, the bandages? Just a little kitchen accident. I always forget the milk.
- Gosalyn: I thought you were-
- Drake: Ha! Nobody can hurt Dark- uh, Drake Mallard. Besides, I've got to take care of myself, now that I've going to have an adopted daughter to worry about.
Beauty and the Beet
- Dr. Reginald Bushroot: [first line] Hey, stop it you guys! Give it back!
- Bushroot: [sadly] All I wanted to do was make the world a better place to live. Now look at me. I'm a walking salad bar.
- [After a tree rescues Bushroot from the puppy that was chasing him]
- Bushroot: I guess dogs aren't tree's best friend. Wait a minute, you moved! But you can't move! But you did move. I must be losing my mind. I gotta sit down for a moment.
- [A chair-shaped flower sprouts out of the ground.]
- Bushroot: [sits down] Thanks. Oh no, it happened again. A drink? Yes, that's what I need. A drink. [drinks some water through his root-foot] I must have some telepathatic link with plants. This is a scientific breakthrough! Yes that's it! I'm the Doctor Doolittle of the plant world!
- Darkwing: I was soon to discover that the only thing more dangerous than a half-plant, half-duck is a half-plant, half-duck in love.
- Darkwing: [wrapping himself in vines] We're creating the perfect disguise to catch Bushroot!
- Dr. Rhoda Dendron: But that's poison ivy!
- Darkwing: I see. Well, then, that explains this incredible itching sensation. AAAAAH!
- Darkwing: You feel "so sorry" for that villainous vegetable? That, that.. Flipped-out, felonious flora?!? I'M the one with the Swiss-cheese cape!
- Bushroot: Ah, what a beautiful bride you are! And with a beautiful blossum like you at my side, the whole world will be green with envy! This is the happiest day of my life! [blows nose]
- Rhoda Dendron: But- but- I can't marry you, Dr. Bushroot! I'm a working girl, my career means too much to me right now! Besides, you're a plant, I'm a duck, it'll never work out.
- Darkwing: [waving weedwhacker, which suddenly sputters and dies] It slices! It DICES! It- runs out of gas...
- Darkwing: Admission for two adults and two tiny terrorists.
- Darkwing: Phew, if that's Gosalyn, I can't be in a land of giants. I've probably just been... shrunk... to the size... of a... bug. Bleah.
- Hamburger Hippo Waiter: [boredly] Don't shoot. The money's in the register.
- Darkwing: Oh, no, no. I'm not a robber.
- Waiter: You're not a robber?
- Darkwing: No.
- Waiter: You're just some weirdo in a mask?
- Darkwing: Correct. I am just some weirdo in a mask.
- Miniature Darkwing: [squeaky voice] Launchpad, I've been shrunk!
- Launchpad: What was that, Darkwing? I can't understand you! [holds Darkwing up to his ear]
- Darkwing: [shrieks] I'VE- BEEN- SHRUNK!
- Launchpad: Well, gee, DW, I coulda told you that.
Night of the Living Spud
- Bushroot: Never again will I be lonely! Never again will I be told, 'I can't go out with you, you're just a shrub!' I've found the way to obtain the perfect bride! I'm growing my own.
- Bushroot: [to a sales girl he has tied up] Which color do you think would look better on my bride? The pink or the blue?
- Sales Girl: Well, what does your bride look like?
- Bushroot: She's a large potato.
- Sales Girl: Then I'd have to go with the blue.
- 'Darkwing: [reffering to a black and white horizontal striped fabric] You'll need this to make your prison uniform, Bushroot.
- Darkwing: There are no such things as vampires. Scientists that turn themselves into plants, yes. Vampires, no.
- Gosalyn: [about the Muddlefoots, who have been turned into zombies] Dad! Something is wrong with them! They're watching a test pattern!
- Darkwing: Gooooooood, maybe they can understand the plot!
- Herb Muddlefoot: [about the test pattern] Hey, I seen this movie before!
Apes of Wrath
- Darkwing: Forget it, Gosalyn, you're too young to explode.
- Launchpad: [smashing around inside a giant vacuum] This reminds me of my first flight. Actually, of all my flights.
- Darkwing: Singed- but- triumphant.
- Megavolt: [first line] Hmm, nice filament.
- Darkwing: Fortunately, we have a psychological advantage.
- Launchpad: Because we’re sane, and he’s not?
- Darkwing: No, because Megavolt is afraid of me. I've sent him to the electric chair. Twice.
- Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night!
- Megavolt: Happy Flapping!
- Darkwing: You- are not a well person!
- Megavolt: Oh, and you're normal? "I am the cold sore that stings your lip?" We're definitely talking demented here!
- Darkwing: He's using everything but the kitchen sink!
- [Megavolt magnetizes a sink, jumps inside, and flies away in it]
- Darkwing: I stand corrected.
- Darkwing: [walks out of blindingly bright room] Launchpad, will you please turn on the lights?
- Launchpad: Uh... The lights are on, DW.
- Darkwing: [crashes into a mannequin] Oh, I see.
- Launchpad: What do you see?
- Darkwing: Nothing. [swallows] Absolutely nothing.
- Megavolt: Have you lost your senses?!?!
- Darkwing: Just one.
- Megavolt: Blast it! YOU'RE HANDICAPPED!
- Darkwing: We prefer the term physically challenged.
Comic Book Capers
- Megavolt: [as Big Chief Power Bill] That my assistant, Little Running Gag.
- Darkwing: [as Death Valley Duck] Surrender, Big Chief. You're surrounded by an army of twelve-thousand soldier. [whispers] That's an old military ploy we call "lying".
- Drake: Launchpad, are you reading my comic book?
- Launchpad: Who, Me?
- Drake: Did Hemmingway have this problem? No, because he didn't live next door to the Muddlefoots!
- Drake: I'd love to stay and chew the fat, babe...
- Darkwing: Oh, good, saved by my faithful pet, Super Bunny! Wait a minute! Since when did I have a faithful pet named "Super Bunny"?
Water Way to Go
- Princess of Oilrabia: Are you crazy?
- Darkwing: Well, maybe a little manic-depressive on weekends...
- Darkwing: Need I remind you about the time with the peanut butter, the floor wax, and my VCR?
- Gosalyn: That was an accident!
Easy Come, Easy Grows
- [Drake fingers the money and begins to laugh crazily]
- Launchpad: Gee, do you think something's wrong with him?
- Gosalyn: Nothing a good exorcism wouldn't fix...
- Bushroot: [as a root] No wonder they say money is the root of all evil.
A Revolution in Home Appliances
- Darkwing (in Gosalyn's body): I may be a size two petite, but I can still be a crime fighter!
- [A policeman pulls Darkwing (in Gosalyn's body) over for driving the Ratcatcher.]
- Policeman: Just how old are you?
- Darkwing: [sheepishly] Old enough to know better?
Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlatan
- Gosalyn: Oh, great, Dad, you saved the world from a movie!
Can't Bayou Love
- Darkwing: The city's on fire! It's the blaze of the century! Call the fire department! Call the police! Call my insurance company!
- Launchpad: How about a brownie, DW?
- Tank: (growls) I hear I have you to thank for this trip!
- Gosalyn: You'll never get away with this, Steelbeak!
- Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night!
- Steelbeak: Oh,no. Not here.
- Darkwing Duck: I am the blister that bursts in your boot!
- FOWL Eggmen: Ewww!
- Darkwing Duck: I am Darkwing Duck!
- Steelbeak: Man, I can't get away from you. What are you, a franchise? Take him down!
You Sweat Your Life
Days of Blunder
- Darkwing: [gasps] The rubber chicken!
Just Us Justice Ducks (Part 1)
- Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night, stand back, he'll might get some blood on ya, I am the single career man all women want to date, I am... Ouch![surprised] Quackerjack?!?
- Quackerjack: No, I'm Quackerjack! You're Darkwing Duck.
Just Us Justice Ducks (Part 2)
- Darkwing: [in an old lady's voice] Flowers for Negaduck.
- Negaduck: I hate flowers.
- Darkwing: Did I say flowers? I meant skulls! [Negs licks his lips in delight] Skulls for Negaduck!
- Negaduck: I'll be right there.
- Darkwing: Did I mean skulls? I meant...ANVIL!
- Stegmutt: Ooh, you're a villian!
- Quackerjack: Ooh, you're a genius.
- Launchpad: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the itch in your trigger finger.
- Gosalyn: You got bitten by a radioactive spider as big as me and you didn't even stop to put disinfectant on it?! No fair! You woulda had me in the emergency room faster than you can say rabies!
- Darkwing: I am- ARACHNODUCK! [wiggles eyebrows] You heard right. Arachno. Duck.
- Darkwing: [to his sixth arm] Number Six!!!
- Darkwing: Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.
When Aliens Collide
- Gosalyn: [shakes Stegmutt's hand] Gosalyn Mallard, martian hunter, freelance.
- [Stegmutt, carrying a giant stolen electromagnet, barely comes to a stop in front of a red light]
- Stegmutt: Phew, I almost broke the law!
Cleanliness is Next to Badliness
Smarter Than a Speeding Bullet
- Darkwing: Excuse me, bizarre-looking alien monstrosity...
All's Fahrenheit in Love and War
- Darkwing: Ugh! Why do the weird ones always fall for me?
- Launchpad: Maybe it's the mask...
Whiffle While You Work
- Darkwing: YEEEEEES! [realizes people are staring at him] We have noooo... bananas...
Ghoul of My Dreams
Toys Czar Us
- Darkwing: Not now, honey, Daddy's talking on Mr. Phone!
The Secret Origins of Darkwing Duck
Up, Up, and Awry
Life, the Negaverse, and Everything
- [Darkwing and Launchpad are trying to break their feet out of cement]
- Darkwing: On the count of three... I hope this doesn't hurt... JUMP!
- [Darkwing and Launchpad jump off a building]
- Darkwing: [through teeth] IT...HURT...
- Launchpad: AAAAH! LOBSTER WOMEN!!!
Disguise the Limit
Planet of the Capes
- Gosalyn: Alright, you back off, and I'll go easy on you!
- Negaduck: You're being spirited again.
- Liquidator: He hates that.
It's a Wonderful Leaf
- Little Girl: Look, mommy, a flower! [pulls on Bushroot's head]
- Bushroot: Hey! Easy on the foliage, kid!
- Mother: AAAAH! A plant monster!
- Bushroot: Where?!
- Bushroot: Christmas. Bah Grub-bug.
- Darkwing: (Putting lights on the Christmas tree) Let's get... decorative.
- Darkwing: Gosalyn, I've told you before: it's a Christmas tradition to open your presents on Christmas morning.
- Gosalyn: Oh no. Please don't make me wait that long. I'll never make it! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
- Darkwing: It's tomorrow morning.
- Citizen: Someone shtole my fruitcake!
- Darkwing: Hmm... Who would shteal fruitcake?
- Launchpad: I wish I knew. I can never get rid of the stuff!
(Darkwing gets run over by Bushroot and his tree-truck)
- Darkwing: (Dazed) All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth.
(Bushroot uses Christmas Trees to attack Darkwing)
- Bushroot: Calling all trees: Deck the duck... WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT!
- Darkwing: [gets smashed by anvil] I should have expected this from a cartoon studio.
- Darkwing: They can't even draw my beak right! Why that beak's big enough to land fighter planes on!
- Thaddeus Rockwell: You see, Mr. Darkwing, I created you.
- Darkwing: Oh really? That's sure gonna surprise the heck out of Mom and Dad!
- Darkwing: Megavolt, in this world, I have my own TV show! You're in it too!
- Megavolt: [sadly] I know. They always draw my nose wrong.
Dances with Bigfoot
- Darkwing: Gosalyn, get me out of here!
- Gosalyn: What's the magic word?
- Darkwing: Grounded.
The Incredible Bulk
My Valentine Ghoul
- Gosalyn: [shoving away a skeleton that tries to kiss her] Get a life!
- Darkwing: [entering an anvil factory] Why couldn't it be a pillow factory, just this once?
A Duck by Any Other Name
Let's Get Respectable
In Like Blunt
- Darkwing: [sadly] He drew on my map.
Quack of Ages
- Binketh: Hello, strangers! From whence do you hail?
- Darkwing: What would you say if I told you we were from 700 years in the future?
- Binketh: I would say you were an evil warlock and should be burned at the stake.
- Darkwing: [laughs nervously] We're from Sweden.
- Darkwing: Men, a sword!
- [Darkwing gets buried in a pile of swords]
- Darkwing: [wheezes] Men, a tournequet!
Time and Punishment
Stressed to Kill
The Darkwing Squad
Inside Binkie's Brain
Slime Okay, You're Okay
- Darkwing (as Leif Erickson): First of all, I got here first. And second of all, this is America, not India!
- Darkwing (as Christopher Columbus): Oh yeah? Then WHY ARE THERE INDIANS?!
- Binky (as an Indian): Look, dear, we're being discovered!
- Megavolt: It would take something really big to save you now!
- [Megavolt gets crushed by Columbus's ship]
- Megavolt: [weakly] I guess that's big enough...
- Darkwing (as Neil Armstrong): One small step for duck... [notices Megavolt crushed under his rocket] And one reeeeaaally bad day for that guy.
A Star is Scorned
The Quiverwing Quack
- Gosalyn: [crying] You just treat me like I'm your little baby girl! [storms out of the room]
- Darkwing: [quietly] Because you are...
- NegaDuck: I AM MEGA NEGADUCK! [laughs]
- Darkwing: Freeze, evildoers! Or I will stop you with my- my- [realizes he doesn't have his gas gun] hand.
- [Darkwing and Launchpad's feet are stuck to a conveyor belt and they are headed toward a trash compactor]
- Launchpad: [crying] I guess this is the end, DW... I don't know what to say!
- Darkwing: [sees a spatula] A Spatula!
- Launchpad: [sobs and hugs Darkwing] Aspatula to you too, old buddy!
- Gosalyn: Forget it, Dad. Who would want to watch you on TV for half an hour?
Bad Luck Duck
That Sinking Feeling
- Darkwing: The city of St. Canard is home to a thousand criminals, but not one dares make a move. From this city, as a shadowy guardian, who hunts them like a phantom in the darkness. I am that guardian, I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the winged scourage that pecks at your nightmares, I Am Darkwing Duck!
- Moliarty: Darkwing Duck? Sounds like something I should try with egg rolls.
Going Nowhere Fast
- NegaDuck: I Am The Most Fiendish Terror That Flaps In The Darkest Night! I Am The Skunk That Pollutes Your Air! I... Am... NEGADUCK!
- Megavolt: Negatrons alone can't be split or merge, you've been... GALVANIZED!
Brush Into Oblivion
Calm A Chameleon
Monster R Us Mongana: Oh darkwing
Inherit The Wimp All: We All Terror That Flap In The Night
- "Let's get dangerous!"
- "Suck gas, Evildoer!" (usually said before firing his trademark gas pistol)
- "The worst part of public transportation is the public."
- (Drake is dressing as Darkwing for the first time.) "Now all I need is a name: something that with conjure up the fear of a dark moonless night, the speed of an eagle’s wing – something like: The really scary fast thing!"
- "Gosalyn, after I wake up, and have my morning cup of coffee, remind me to punish you. Severely."
- "No one’s sure just why I flap. Half the police force think I’m a crook, and the other half hate my hat!"
- (as Drake) "Let's get decorative!"
- "Not likely!"
- "In the Negaverse, there was never a Darkwing Duck to guard the city...(gulps) or a Drake Mallard to be a father, (hugs Negaverse-Gosalyn) so for you, Gosalyn...I'll stay..."
- "All right, troops, we get to get you whipped into shape...we've got to be tough...we've got to be smart...we've got to be inventive...and what have we here?"
- "The jig is up, you jaded, jug-headed, jack-in-the-box!"
- "I am the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus! I am... the Swan Prince?"
- "It's no use, Negaduck! You may have trapped the whole entire police department in lime jello, but you didn't trap me!"
- "On Contraire, Mon Frere. That is what heroes do best."
- "Forget it, Gosalyn, you're too young to explode!"
- [about Gizmoduck]"Funny, I didn't know turkeys could fly. D'oh, I hate that guy... woah-oh-oh!! CRASH I mean, I really hate that guy!!!"
- (Finding Gosalyn drawing on his yearbook) "Has Daddy ever told you the story of the little girl, the marking pen and the pit of eternal flame?"
- (on the Negaverse) "Gosalyn's sweet, Launchpad's insane, and Tank's polite?!?!"
- "Great. I leave for five minutes, and Gosalyn's rewired the whole house!"
- (as Drake) "Yep, yep, yep. Stand back, everyone. It's true that Honker is a shy young man, but, I have dealt with this sort of thing before. Honker... SPIT IT OUT!!!"
- "I am the mighty Darkwing Duck, and I pity the poor fool who stands in my way!"
- (as Darkwarrior) "I am the terror that hunts in the night! I am the jackal that gnaws at your bones! I'm not finished. I am... Darkwarrior Duck!"
- "Methinks malicious mischief mars this masquerade!"
- (about Launchpad) "Some people grow up and some people just grow older."
- "Things are never as bad as they seem--They're usually worse."
- "Oh great. Another pun-obsessed supervillain."
- "You, fake a seizure. While the crowd is stealing your wallet and shoes, I'll sneak out the back way."
- (transformed by Morgana) "Ha! I'm back! It'll take more than two treacherous transgressors to taint the track record of... Darkwiiiiing... Yak?!"
- "Okay, okay, okay, okay, FINE. So I'm a lousy plumber. So sue me already!"
- "Well, aside from sustaining massive internal injuries in a plane crash, and being chased by the army, the navy, and a troop of girl scouts, yeah, I'm, uh, just peachy."
- "Don't change the subject! I have had it with you, young lady. You are grounded for a month."
- "Never send a bunny to do a duck's job."
- "Did I say "skulls"? I meant "ANVIL"!"
- "No test can tell you how to live your life! A man like you, a man like me, we boldly go, and daringly do! Our heads are in the clouds, and our eyes are on the stars! Fill up your eyes with those stars, man! With every fill-up you get a free sports bike. Your future's out there, I tell ya! It's callin' to ya! And the future doesn't leave recorded messages by the way; you've got to BE THERE when she rings!!!"
- "No ad-libbing!"
- "Oh, perfect. Gone for five minutes and my own daughter forgets my name, just like she forgot she was supposed to stay in the Ratcatcher."
- "Have I ever told you the story of the little girl, the golf club, and the firing squad?"
- "Sure thing, D.W.!"
- "You should accept the things you cannot change! ... Or is that, 'you should change the things you can't accept?'"
- (Posing as Darkwing) "I am the tenor that sings in the night!"
- (About the heat wave) "It's hotter than a monkey's uncle!"
- "Good thing I had a light breakfast."
- (Posing as Darkwing) "Surrender you evildoing bad guys, or face the doom of Darkwing Duck!"
- "Keen gear!"
- "This is the desert. A cruel oven where the sand is the baking dish and mystery is the casserole."
- "Nothing a little exorcism can't fix..."
- (After Drake has grown four extra arms) "So let me get this straight, you said you got bit by a giant radioactive spider as big as me and you didn't even stop to put disenfectant on it?! No fair, you would've had me in the emergency room faster than you can say 'rabies'!"
- "He's so obnoxious, so arrogant, so concieted! It's gotta be dad!"
- "That's it! We'll all go on a big date!"
- "YOU CAN'T! Y-you CAN'T!"
- "Hi, Wingy..."
- "Boogy down, Wingy!"
- "Blithering Blatherskite!"
- "It's suppost to fly and say, 'beware evildoers', but instead it wets and says 'mama'".
- "My gizmos are akimbo!"
- "The Muddlefoot!! - "I handle them... where is my shotgun?"
- "I am the most fiendish terror that flaps in the darkest night! I am the skunk that pollutes your air! I...am...NEGADUCK!!"
- (sneering) "Not anymore, it's not!"
- "So, St. Canard has a new favourite hero, eh? And a LITTLE GIRL at that! The perfect target for public enemy number one..."
- "I am the screeching fingernail on the chalkboard of justice. I am the sourball in the candyjar of goodness! I am... Negaduck!"
- "What is this?! Did I cross a black cat today? I can't waste one sappy hero?!"
- "I am the shopping cart that nicks your paint job!"
- "Well well, if it isn't Chocolate-Dipped Duck!"
- "I feel awful, stooping to such petty crimes. But you just can’t imagine how expensive a thermonuclear warhead is these days!"
- (laughs evily) "That'll keep my goody two-shoe look-a-like busy. Okay, maybe pretending to be Darkwing Duckis a rotten trick. But, hey, I'm Negaduck, a rotten kinda guy!"
- "The whole reason I have a secret hideout is to get away from the geek squad!"
- "I'LL GIVE YOU A BLOOD PRESSURE!"
- "Nice try, squirt!"
- "Oh, come on, Morganna. Once a criminal always a criminal, hmm?"
- "Happy Valentine's Day, Darkwing Dunce."
- (snarling at Gosalyn) "Hey, what are you looking at?"
- "I don't know what you're trying to pull here, Darkwing, but..."
- "I hate flowers."
- "Spirited, eh? (laughs sadistically) I hate that."
- "Ah. A beautiful dove, the symbol of peace. Perhaps I should feed it...TO A CAT!"
- "I get...the loot."
- "I can tell I am not going to like this kid..."
- "Yeah! Go jump off a cliff!"
- "Tell you what, If you help me take over this planet, I'll let you breathe."
- "DON'T CALL ME SPARKY!"
- "Oh, indignity heaped upon indignity! Why me? Why?! Why?! Why?! My high school reunion coming up and I have nothing to wear! Why was I made to suffer so? (to the lightbulb he's holding) What? What's that you say? Wear the jumpsuit battery gloves and helmet? (Kisses bulb) Brilliant! Oh what would I do without you?(Laughs) Ah, High school. I remember those golden days, days of constant desecration torment with a nary moment rest from the endless stream of abuse. Oh those were the days."
- "What are you looking at?! Your piercing stares are driving me mad! Mad I tell you! MAD! Oh, by the by, I am going to destroy the school and all of you with it."
- "Please refrain from accosting me sir."
- "This is only a total defeat, you know."
- "At last, I have harnessed the awesome power of carpet static and those fools in the science club said it couldn't be done!"
- "Oh, don't point that thing at me. It might go off. At last, what I always wanted: the ability to enterain others at cocktail parties! But wait, these powers might have greater uses. I can seek revenge on those who tormented me, those who made me a freak, those who...those who gave me this ridiculous hair-style!
- ((Nega-Megavolt) "Sorry, Muddlefoot--but the Friendly Four are running this town from now on,"
- "No! What are you looking at?! Your piercing stares are driving me mad! Mad I tell you! Mad! Oh, and by the way, I'm going to destroy the school and all of you in it."
- (to Darkwing) "Gee, I suppose I'd better barbecue you now, but I just haven't got the heart. But don't worry, (whips around and zaps Ham String and Preena Lott) I'm still gonna get my revenge on you though."
- "Now to grab the little girl he's been trying to save," (snatches up Gosalyn)
- (to Drake Mallard) "Hey, I thought you lost your confidence."
- "I may have lost, but at least, I know Darkwing Duck's secret identity. He's...Elmo Sputterspark! Oh, that's not it!
- "I've been itching to try the zoom lens on this baby!"
- "That's right! Prepare to meet thy doom at the hands of the... (throws arm around Quackerjack) the TWO most dangerous criminals ever! Together!"
- "I love the smell of voltage in the evening!"
- "Over my dead batteries! Eat amperes, duck!"
- (talking to a lightbulb) "Oh, my sweet darling. You're the ampere of my eye!"
- "Ingrate! You're no son of mine!"
- "A comic book starring Darkwing Duck?! What's the world coming to?!?! No, no, this is wrong, all wrong! And in definite need of repair!"
- "Look at him. He's nuts. He's out of his tree and completely insane! (pulls out a lightbulb) Isn't he, my wittle bubbwy-wubbwy?"
- "Don't call me Sparky, and I am relaxed! I AM RELAXED! AAH!"
- "Get ready to be Dead Meat Duck!"
- "Alright... Dark-WING... you may be tough, but I'm not! Uh, or something."
- "Let's see, particle accelerations plus fade conversions equals... TOAST!"
- "At last! I'll have revenge on those who tormented me! Those who made me what I am! Wha... what am I anyway?"
- "I can't remember what I do! For the love of heaven, please help me!"
- "If I don't do something really destructive soon, I'll go nuts!"
- "I know the electromagnetic spectrum like the back of my hand. (looks at the back of his hand) What the heck is that?!"
- "He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day,"
- "Ta-da! Megavolt! Superhero!"
- "But traveling through time can put a hole in the space time continuum, wreak havoc in history and alternatively change the past, present, AND FUTURE FOREVER!!! Actually, it sounds kinda fun!"
- "Soon, I'll have my revenge on those meddling kids and their nosy dog! Wait, wrong cartoon."
- "Ha! They called me mad! They called me insane! They called me loony! And boy were they were right. But I'M running things now!"
- "They left me no choice. Just because I failed to pay a power bill or two, they threatened to shut me off...in the middle of my greatest scheme of my career!"
- "The electro-slave device is a waiting activation."
- "Eat Volts, Transister Brain!"
- "Outta My Way, You Weed!"
- "He keeps shorting out the power company!"
- "I like to fry his feathers!"
- (short-circuited by The LiquiDator) "STOP! HOLD! WAIT! HOLD IT! You... nitwit."
- "It's PLAYTIME!"
- "I like coffee, I like tea, I like toys, and they like me!"
- "Ooh, getting upset, young lady?"
- "Shush, Megavolt. You'll spoil my little drama."
- "Oh, good going Sparky."
- "What are you waiting for Sparky? Hurry up and charge you battery!"
- "I see London, I see France, I see Whiffle Boy kicked in the pants!"
- (chanting annoyingly) "With $1,000,000 in your account, you could buy any toy you want!"
- (inside an alligator) "I don't like this game..."
- (to Megavolt) "Hey, Megavolt! (laughs)"
- (talking about video games) "It's just the sort of talk that drove me out of the toy busness and into (makess cuckoo gesture on himself) the loony thing!"
- "Hey, why don't you relax, Sparky?"
- "Put it there, MegaVolt!"
- "Have a nice trip!"
- "See ya next fall!"
- "TROOPS! ATTACK!"
- "Iya! Iya!"
- "Gee! How generous!"
- "Nothing can stop these teeth!"
- "The problem is bad tasting molecules that had been around since dinosaur days have worked their way to the regular water molecules off most of my competitors. Ooh, I don't wanna drink those! And with Bud Flood's Sparkling Crystal Pure Flood Water, I never have to."
- "This is the ultimate form of advertising. Would you rather drink my pure mountain magic or a big fat monkey brain?"
- "Are your muscles sore, tired, aching? Try Liquidator Brand Deheating Brawn.
- "Here in the sewers of St. Canard, we have taken our crime fighter and surrounding him with a wall of boiling water."
- (depowered by Negaduck) "Are you tired of being powerless? Need professional help? Call Darkwing Duck!"
- (on Quackerjack) "Let the cleansing power of prison life wipe away your cares... and your sanity!"
- "Step aside! Make room for...the Liquidator!"
- "Liquy down the drain!"
- "You know, 4 out of 5 dentists recommend that you never bug a supervillain!"
- "Serving the public getting you down? Tired of staring at the station house walls? Then engage in life-threating combat with BushRoot and The LiquiDator!"
- "Love and adored for years in Europe! Now available in our own country! BeanStalk!"
- "Just when you thought it's safe to commit crimes, A Dinosaur!"
- "4 out of 5 dentists survey says it's time for us the get outta here!"
- "Is it NegaDuck? Or is it Darkwing Duck? SHUSH won't be able to tell the difference."
- "Triumph now with The LiquiDator!"
- "That's false advertising!"
- "AAAAHHH!!!!! Do Not Add Water!"
- "YELL!!!!! Is Hot
- (to Dr. Gary and Larson) "Hey stop it you guys! Give it back!"
- "And now there's only one thing left to do: cackle madly!
- "I'm not playing! If my research is successful, someday we'll get our nutrition just like plants. We'll be able to snack on sunlight!"
- "I feel so...so normal. My experiment is a failure. No, I'm a failure. I'm scum. No, I'm less than scum. I'm a worthless fungal parasite."
- "Son of a broccoli! What have I done to myself?"
- "All I wanted to do is make the world a better place to live. Now look at me. I'm a walking salad bar."
- "I guess dogs aren't tree's best friend. Wait a minute, you moved! But you can't move! But you did move. I must be losing my mind. I gotta sit down for a moment. Thanks. Oh no, it happened again. A drink? Yes, that's what I need. A drink. I must have some telepathatic link with plants. This is a scientific breakthrough! Yes that's it! I'm the Doctor Doolittle of the plant world! Aha, this should impress them back at the lab...aww, but then they'll just laugh at me again. Humiliate me in front of... Rhoda. Unless of course, they have a little accident... hey, this plant thing may not be so bad after all.
- "Quackerjack's giving me the creeps. Someone's got to tell him prison's not supposed to be fun."
- "Ah, what a beautiful bride you are and a beautiful bride like you on my side the whole world would be green in envy. This is the happiest day on my life."
- "Oh, well. A plant's gotta do what a plant's gotta do!"
- "Christmas shopping gets more dangerous every year."
- "Alright, every luxury a bride could want! You've got your own sprinkler system and a fertilizer supply!"
- "Never again will I be lonely! Never again will I be told, 'I can't go out with you, you're just a shrub!' I've found the way to obtain the perfect bride! I'm growing my own."
- "You have stolen the heart of the woman I love! I'm not gonna rescue you, I'm gonna mow you down!"
- "I can't marry a potato! She's a tuber, and I'm a shrub! Well, they say opposites attract..."
- "Ooh, look at me, I'm shaking like a leaf!"
- (Nega-Bushroot) "Gosalyn's guardian is Negaduck."
- "I'm too young to be a frozen vegetable!"
- "Christmas...Bah, grubbug!"
- "Everyone treats me like last year's fruitcake..."
- "Hey, kid! Easy on the foilage, huh?"
- "For my next witness...and patient..."
- "It's my scientific name."
- (to Darkwing) "You're the only one who's ever beat Negaduck!"
- I may be a mutant plant-duck, sure. But I'm an EARTH mutant plant-duck!"
- (on Morgana) "Some witch. Doesn't do a bad daisy, though."
- "You think I'm the only vegetable that ever went bad..."
- "I'm not sinister...just misunderstood..."
- "No, that's okay.I don't know why I thought I could have any friends anyway. (voice breaking, reaches out for Darkwing's cape) I guess I'm just a silly old mutant plant-du-u-u-u-u-uck. (blows nose)"
- "Well, I hope he's not a plant-eater!"
- "His toys are trampling all my plants!"
- "Ow Ow Ow Stop Darkwing Duck
- (about Darkwing and Gizmo-duck) "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! What are dese two trying to do, talk each other to death?"
- "If dis little bit of epicurian delight is not to your particular taste, just have de world governments cough up 100 trillion smackeroos an' we'll send you de chicken salad instead."
- Sheesh! I mean, what is it with dese world leaders, huh? Don't any of 'em keep an extra trillion around anymore?
- "If dere's one t'ing I 'ate, it's excuses! ...Make dat two t'ings I 'ate. Excuses, an' a seven-ten split!" (Darkwing shows up) "Okay, make dat three tings".
- "Oh, no---not here..."
- (to Darkwing) "What are you, a franchise?!"
- "Today, we'll show youse how to cook up a crisis. First, take one merrily spinnin' planet, an' add one iggie super- rocket to bring it to a hault. Chill one half 'till frozen while fryin' de other half like a burger. Bon Appetit."
- "Boy, did you kids pick da wrong fanclub. Ya know, dressin' up like Darkwing Doofus ain't gonna score youse any points around 'ere."
- (to Ammonia Pine) "Marry you?! I don't want to live on de same continent as you! Hey, hey, get dis, Ammonia: I kinda LIKE dirt!"
- "I AM NOT CUTE! WHOEVER HEARD OF A CUTE SUPERVILLAIN???"
- "As the lion is king of the jungle, soon Fluffy will be the king of Saint Canard!!"
- "Ah, some quick ranting always refreshes me! Now, back to business!"
- "Witness, friends, the gloves that provide me with the only things that separate man from cat - opposable thumbs!"
- "We have never even been allowed the simple dignity of eating with utensils!"
- "Fortune smiles upon the doomed citizens of Saint Canard! They have been granted a slight reprieve, while I learn how to walk!"
- "No, Al! Drink it! It's good! Really! Come back here, you jerrrrk!"
- "Don't be bitter! You cannot change your station in life - believe me, I've tried!"
Mondo, the Mad Mask Misappropriator
- "The mask of Darkwing Duck! Normally, I'd save the most dangerous trophy for last! But Darkwing Duck's card fell out of my catalog, and I didn't find it until spring cleaning!"
- "Darkwing Duck, right on schedule! I admire that! You may be a klutz, but you are punctual."
- "Nine-hundred and eighty-two superhero masks - collect them all!"
- "Grrr! This time I won't be satisfied with just your mask as a trophy! This time, I'll want your pants, too!"
- "He who fights and runs away - gets to beat a long stretch in the state pen!"
- "Ain't modern techno-loggy wonderful?"
- "Hey! Who ate all the heads off the gingerbread men? I wanted to do that..."
- "Honker, it's just not like you to lie, but until you stop, I'm gonna have to ground ya. No going out to play, no television, no food, no water, no sunlight..."
- "Dialectical dualisms!" ~ Splatter Phoenix
- "Never let an embezzler keep score." ~ Random crook
- "You get them out of there, NOW!... Um, please?" ~ Honker
- "Nononononononono! I'm not a dinosaur! These are my real nose and glasses, honest!" ~ Stegmutt
- "Somebody fell into Devil's Gorge and has a compound fracture of the lower mandible? Well, it's not my fault I can't understand you. Maybe if you had a mouth." ~ Neptunia
- "Just feed the precious little tykes enough sugar, and look out world! Heh, heh." ~ Clawed Hopper
- "Red taters you can reason with, but Russets... ugh, they's just plain mean!" ~ Duane
- "Father! If you blow up my boyfriend I'll never speak to you again!" ~ Morgana McCawbre
- "If you insist on having principles our relationship is doomed." ~ Morgana McCawbre
- "Dark, Darling!" ~ Morgana McCawbre
- "Absolutely not! Never! Not in a million years! (Eek& Squeak plead) Forget it. I'd rather give up my 'Hex of the Month' Club than ever talk to Darkwing again! (door bell rings) Oh dear, that might be him now! How do I look? Am I pale enough? Are my cobwebs straight?" ~ Morgana McCawbre
- "This carnivals nothing but a bunch of freaks, mutants and misfits (sighs happily) just like my last family reunion." ~ Morgana McCawbre
- "I'll convince them that violence isn't the way if I have to kill them!" ~ Morgana McCawbre
- "When you're full of spirit, everyone else looks empty." ~Professor Waddlemeyer
- "You know, you're pretty smart- for an idiot." ~ Neptunia
- "You have some pretty good ideas- for a moron." ~ Neptunia
- "Put out the Bushroot! Put out the Bushroot!" ~ Stegmutt
- Binketh Muddfoot: From whence do you hail?
Darkwing Duck: What would you say if I told you I was from 700 years in the future?
Binketh Muddfoot: I would say you are an evil warlock who should be burned at the stake!
Darkwing Duck: (pause) We're from Sweden.
- Splatter Phoenix: Hah! Your bourgeois morality would never allow you to hit a woman!
Darkwing: Ohhh... you're right. I... I can't do it. You do it, Quiverwing.
- Darkwing Duck: You! Are not a well person!
Megavolt: What!? And you’re normal? (Impersonating Darkwing:) ‘I am the cold sore that stings your lip?’ We're definitely talking demented!
- Darkwing Duck: It's no use, Negaduck! You may have trapped the whole entire police department in lime jello, but you didn't trap me!
Negaduck: (sarcastically) Ooh, Darkwing Duck! I'm so scared!
Darkwing Duck: Oh, yeah? Well, you should be! (Negaduck throws the bomb at Darkwing Duck) Eep! (bomb explodes)
Negaduck: (sneering) Ha! I'm more afraid of early hair loss!
- Stegmutt: (gasps) You're a villain!
Quackerjack: (mock gasp) You're a genius.
- Professor Moliarty: Is this a joke? I would hate that.
Mole foot soldier: Nossir.
Professor Moliarty: I hate it anyway.
- Darkwing Duck: Fortunately, we have a psychological advantage.
Launchpad: Because we’re sane, and he’s not?
Darkwing: No, because Megavolt is afraid of me: I sent him to the electric chair. Twice.
- Megavolt: I'll make him sizzle like spit on a griddle!
Quackerjack: Ooh! Aren't we sounding folksy.
- Little Girl: Ooh, pretty plant...(yanks on Dr. Reginald Bushroot's plant hair)
Dr. Reginald Bushroot: OW! Hey, Kid! Easy on the foilage, huh?
(Little Girl screams in fright)
- Mother: (shrieks and points at Dr. Reginald Bushroot) It's a PLANT MONSTER!
Dr. Reginald Bushroot: Where? Where? Where?
- Count McCawber: What my daughter needs is a nice ghoulish boy, only then will she find true happiness!
Darkwing: She doesn't want happiness, she wants me!
- Stegmutt: Hot dogs, get your hot dogs!
Random citizens: Aahh! A dinosaur!!
Stegmutt: Maybe burgers would sell better.
- Gizmoduck: Well, if you're not a crook, how come you're wearing a mask?
Darkwing: Hey, hey. Let's not get personal, helmet-head!
Gizmoduck: It came with the outfit!
- Darkwing: The only way to really be happy is to be who you are, and nobody else.
Gosalyn: This from a man in a cape and mask.
Darkwing: Huh? Oh, oh I have to do this, for, uh, professional reasons. It's not like I'm maladjusted or anything; can't be that. Can it?
- Random citizen: Help! My fruitcake, help! Shomeone shtole my fruitcake!
Darkwing: Hmm. Who would 'shteal' fruitcake?
Launchpad: I wish I knew. I could never get rid of the stuff!
- Posiduck: Virtue is its own reward!
Negaduck: Oh, yeah? Well, I say: don't get mad, get EVEN!
- Darkwing: Hold the phone, Graham Bell! I've had enough of you loquacious, self-important, granduer-deluded villains! I don't care about your stupid plot... or your crummy childhood... or dreams of global conquest or anything else! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!
Pokerface: NO! I want to tell you!
Darkwing: I'm not listening!
Pokerface: Don't make me get angry with you!!
Darkwing: (singing rather badly) LALA-LALA-LAAA-LAH!!
Pokerface: Your little games don't impress me, Dorkwing! So prepare to meet your maker while I spill the beans about my plans anyway! HAHAHAAAA!
Darkwing: LALALAL- ulp!!
Pokerface: You may as well sing the funeral march, now!! Hahaaaa!
- Morgana: Care for a jawbreaker, sweetums?
Negaduck: Uh... why, thank you.
Morgana: One broken jaw, coming up!
- Morgana: Negaduck, my little honeywumpus!
Darkwing: Hey! I'm supposed to be your little honeywumpus!
- Megavolt: Get any water on me and I'll evaporate ya!
Liquidator: You and what navy?!
- Darking: You are going to stay home where it's safe!
Gosalyn: I can take care of myself!
Darkwing:Take care of yourself? You can't even take care of your room!
Gosalyn: That's a cheap shot!
- Bushroot: That can't be Darkwing Duck! If it were Darkwing Duck he would've called me mean names like Bush-Brain and Melon-Head!
Megavolt: I think Bush-Brain is right!
Quackerjack: Yeah, good thinking, Melon-Head!
- Megavolt: That lady in the cape almost killed us! You're supposed to protect the city from people like that!
Darkwing: I know, I know, I'm sorry! I - I tried to stop her before, but she... wait a minute, you're the villain! I'm not supposed to apologize to YOU! I'm supposed to SMASH you!
- Quackerjack: You've got to save me! If I stay here any longer, I'll go crazy!
Quackerjack: Well you wouldn't hold a little thing like sanity against a guy, would ya? Besides, if we're going to get out of here, we're going to have to team up.
Darkwing: Team up with you? That's a laugh!
Paddywack: (offscreen) MWAHAHAHAHA!
Quackerjack: No, that's a laugh.
- Preena Lott: Yeah, I guess we owe you an apology, Drake. G'wan, g'wan, Ham, apologize!
Ham String: Aw, gee, Drake, uh, sorry for acting like a chowder head.
Darkwing: Aww, Ham... you weren't acting.
- Ham String: You just missed Darkwing Duck, man!
Drake: Darkwing Duckman? What is this Darkwing Duckman?
- Bushroot: But we don't have a secret hideout! Why can't we go to your secret hideout?
Negaduck: Bushroot, if I let you go to my secret hideout, it wouldn't be a SECRET hideout anymore!
- Gizmoduck: Attention FOWL Agents! Come up with your hands up, or I, Gizmoduck, shall give you a sound thrashing!
Steelbeak: Uh, yeah, right.
- Darkwing: Not that I care, Grizz, but you've got a fish in your ear.
Grizzlikof: WHAT? I CANNOT HEAR YOU! I HAVE A FISH IN MY EAR!
- Darkwing: It always comes down to this, Launchpad. Me, you, a villain craving my destuction, and an abandoned warehouse.
Lanchpad: Yeah, I wish for once it could be a roller rink or something.
- Herb: Hey! Nice costume, there, Drake! Of course, nobody's gonna confuse you with the real Darkwing Duck!
Darkwing: Uh, you don't think there's any resemblance, Herb?
Herb: (laughs)No offence, there, guy, but Darkwing Duck is much taller! He's my best friend, I seen him once in person...
- Binkie: Oh, but bikes are so boyish! Don't you think Gosalyn should have more, well, feminine things? Have I ever told you that, dear?
Drake: (muttering) Only every time you see me.
- Darkwing: Negaduck! So you're behind all this!
J. Gander: What-who-eh... two Darkwings?!
Darkwing and Negaduck: Don't you believe it, J. Gander? This fiend is my archnemesis, Negaduck! ...Oh no, you don't! You're the liar known as Negaduck! ...I beg to differ! You're the erroneous executor known only as Negaduck! ...OOOOH! Would you cut that out?!!
- (While Darkwing is fighting Liquidator and Bushroot)
Steggmutt: Oh, Darkwing, are you busy?
Darkwing: Busy? No, no. I'm just here with Bushroot and Liquidator, the most dangerous villans ever, and we're playing 'Let's Pretend'!
Steggmutt: Ooh, boy! I love 'Let's Pretend'!
Liquidator: Yeah! Let's pretend! Let's pretend he's on fire!
Bushroot: Yeah! Put out the Darkwing!Put out the Darkwing!
Darkwing: Nice try, Greensleeves-
Steggmutt: (Grabs Darkwing and starts smacking him against the ground) Put out the Darkwing! Put out the Darkwing!
Liquidator: 4 out of 5 dentists survey that it's time for us to get out of here!
- Launchpad: Darkwing! Darkwing! Sadistic mimes from Dimension X have invaded St. Canard! They're out there annoying people even as we speak! Sounds to me like an irresistable setup for a buncha swell sight gags! So whaddaya say, D.W., huh? Shall I get the ol' Ratcatcher warmed up, huh, D.W.? Whaddaya think?
Drake: Could you get out of the way?! I've never seen this episode of Pellican's Island before! I wanna see if they manage to get rescued this time!
Launchpad: Oh, D.W., listen to yourself! You're talkin' crazy! (turns off the TV) They'll never get off that island!
Drake: Hey! Turn that back on!!
- Darkwing: Your little game is over, you revolting revisionist! Give it back, so I can finish off the scene where I finish you off!
Megavolt: Wrong! In the last scene I'm gonna finish you off!
Darkwing: Sorry pal, this thing's reality-based. You don't stand a chance against me!
Megavolt: That's what you think, you hackneyed hack! In this edition, I'm now ten times bigger and more powerful!
Darkwing: No way! Lemmie see that. Where?
Megavolt: Right there.
Darkwing: What?! What kind of crazy science fiction are you trying to write? In any case, you oughta be twenty times smaller!
Megavolt: What do you think you're doing?! I'm bigger!
Darkwing: Have it your way. I can beat you no matter what size shoe you wear.
- Gosalyn: Darkwarrior?
Darkwing: Oh, great, gone five minutes and my own daughter forgets my name. Just like she forgot she was supposed to stay in the Ratcatcher.
Gosalyn: (looks down happily) Launchpad!
Darkwing: Don't change the subject. I have had it with you young lady, you are grounded for a month.
Gosalyn: No problem, Dad. That kind of justice I can handle.
Darkwing: Now don't argue with me. I-(makes funny noise and hugs Gosalyn)
- Darkwing: (giant beanstalk falls on him) This is the second most-painful moment of my life.
Stegmutt: What was the first most-painful?
Darkwing: "Put out the Darkwing, put out the Darkwing!"
- Quackerjack (the city is burning and a relaxed Darkwing arrives) (cheerfully) Oh, it's Darkwing Duck!
Megavolt (throws arms in the air) We're saved!
Quackerjack (both are on knees smiling) Oh, quick, do something!
Darkwing No problemo.
Quackerjack and Megavolt (both hug each other) Yay! Hooray!
Darkwing (pulls cape to hide his body except his eyes) After all, if there's one thing a fire's good for...(pulls cape away tom reveal wienies in his hand)it's toasting Krazy Kevin's Classic Cocktail Wienies. (puts headphones on) (puts the stick of wienies near the fire and sampes one of the wienies) You guys should try this, really. You'll love them. Mmm, mmm, mmm!
Megavolt and Quackerjack (both cry)
- Gosalyn: I can't sleep!
Darkwing: Oh, you just need something to relax you. I think I have a large mallet around here somewhere...
- Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the papercut that ruins your morning. (appears with Gosalyn and Honker next to him) I am-
Intern: Lemme guess, you're Daycare Duck.
Darkwing: (whispers) Gosalyn, Honker, I told you NEVER follow me to work!
Gosalyn: There was nothing good on TV.
Darkwing: (pushes them aside) Heh, heh. Just impressionable rollerskaters I rescued from a burning... Sidewalk.
- Megavolt: Isn't the fire engine supposed to spray water?
Quackerjack: Of course not! Then it would be a water engine!
- Darkwing: If you haven't noticed, I happen to be WORKING, here.
Gosalyn: Really? Can I help?
Darkwing: No, thankyou; I'd rather the equipment remain in one piece.
- Gosalyn: We'll be blown to bits!
Darkwing: No, honey. We'll probably be smothered before that happens.
- Megavolt: Zap him!
Bushroot: Mulch him!
Liquidator: Slice him and dice him!
Quakerjack: Kick him and ti-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
- Gosalyn: (as Drake) When will you two show a little responsibility? You're both grounded for life and your allowance is suspended until further notice! Fun, huh, Dad? Just like the way you yell at me.
Darkwing: (as Gosalyn in a Darkwing suit) I never yell at you like that. (sees car on stairs and gasps) YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE AND YOUR ALLOWANCES SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER-Yow!
- Darkwing: (irritatedly hummings 'Rock-a-Bye Baby' while fluffing Tuskernini's pillow)
- Gosalyn: Dad, are you okay? What are you doing?
- Darkwing: The judge wants to reform Tuskernini, so I'm going to reform him...(pulls lever)...into a pancake. (piano falls on bed)
- Gosalyn: Oh, so we can adopt you after the judge throws you in prison! Unless of course he gives the chair.
- Darkwing: Maybe we should wait till he tries something. After all, I've got him right under my bill where I can keep my eye on him. He thinks I'm just some unwitted fool-Ha!- but as Drake Mallard, I've got the perfect cover! (wrecking ball crashes him through the door) (slurring) By the way, I booby-trapped the door.
- Main Singer: Daring duck of mystery,
Champion of right.
Swoops out of the shadows,
DarkWing owns the night.
Somewhere some villain schemes,
But his number's up?
Female Chorus: 3-2-1!
All: DarkWing Duck!
Female Chorus: When there's trouble you call DW!
All: DarkWing Duck!
DarkWing: Let's Get Dangerous!
All: DarkWing Duck!
Female Chorus: DarkWing, DarkWing, DUCK!
Main Singer: Cloud of smoke and he appears,
Master of Surprise.
Who's that cunning mind behind,
That shadowy disguise?
Nobody knows for sure,
But bad guys are out of luck?
'Cause here comes.
Female Chorus: DarkWing Duck!
Main Singer: Look out!
Female Chorus: When there's trouble you call DW!
All: DarkWing Duck!
Deep Voice: Let's Get Dangerous!
All: DarkWing Duck!
Female Chorus: Better watch out you bad boys!
All: DarkWing Duck!
"I am the..."
Whenever Darkwing makes an entrance, he introduces himself by saying, "I am the terror that flaps in the night!" On some episodes, he said a variation of it. Among them are:
- "Fee Fi Fo Fum. I am the terror that flaps in the night!"
- "I am the good that flatters in the day!?"
- "I am the terror that hunts in the night!"
- "I am the most fiendish terror that flaps in the darkest night!"
- "I am the terrier that yaps in the night!"
DW then following it up with a metaphor comparing himself to something annoying (in earlier episodes his choice of metaphors leaned more toward a horror element), or something that makes little sense; finally ending with "I am Darkwing Duck!". Among them are:
- "I am the spider who naps at your neck!"
- "I am the chill that runs up your spine!"
- "I am the little mouse that eats your cheese!"
- "I am the combination lock on the vaults of justice!"
- "I am the icky bug that crawls up your trouser leg!"
- "I am the pin that will burst your bubble!"
- "I am the bubble gum that clings to your shoe!"
- "I am the termite that devours your floorboards!"
- "I am the repairman who tells you your warranty has run out!"
- "I am the cat that lays kittens in your bed!"
- "I am the switch that derails your train!"
- "I am the paper cut that ruins your morning!"
- "I am the jailer who throws away the key!"
- "I am the surprise in your cereal box."
- "I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares!"
- "I am the weed wacker in the garden of evil!"
- "I am the moth that seeks your porchlight!"
- "I am the lollipop that sticks in your hair!"
- "I am the rhinestone on the jumpsuit of justice!"
- "I am the thing that goes bump in the night!"
- "I am the neuroses that requires a $500-an-hour shrink!"
- "I am the flea you cannot flick!"
- "I am the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus!"
- "I am the batteries that are not included!"
- "I am the headache in the criminal mind!"
- "I am the raspberry seed you can't floss out!"
- "I am the fingernail that scrapes the blackboard of your soul!"
- "I am the onion that stings in your eye!"
- "I am the cloud that rains on your hit parade!"
- "I am the special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show!"
- "I am the stain that CAN'T be rubbed out!"
- "I am the low ratings that cancel your program!"
- "I am the auditor that wants to look at your books!"
- "I am the slug that slimes your Begonias!"
- "I am the bubble gum that sticks in your hair!"
- "I am the itch you cannot reach!"
- "I am the smoke that smokes Smoked Oysters!"
- "I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks!"
- "I am the fingernail that scrapes across the blackboard of injustice!"
- "I am the peanut butter that sticks to the roof of your mouth!"
- "I am the cholesterol that clogs your arteries!"
- "I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3am!"
- "I am the fast food that comes back to haunt you!"
- "I am the bug that splatters on your windshield!"
- "I am the single career man all women want to date!"
- "I am the check writer in the 'Cash Only' line!"
- "I am the zit that forms when you've got a really big date!"
- "I am the secret center of a cherry candy-pop!"
- "I am the electrician who short-circuits the power lines of crime!"
- "I am the parking meter that expires while you shop!"
- "I am the feathery phantom that haunts your nightmares!"
- "I am the pit bull that bites the ankle of crime!"
- "I am the gold at the end of the rainbow!"
- "I am the supernova at the center of the universe!"
- "I am the shnowzer that digs up your petunias!"
- "I am the soapscum that limes your bathtub!"
- "I am the hair ball that clugs your drain!"
- "I am the skunk that pollutes your air!"
- "I am the shopping cart that mix your paint job!"
- "I am the eraser that rubs out the typoses of crime!"
- "I am the jackel that knaws at your bones!"
- "I am the toddler that naps in the night!"
- "I am the terrier that nips at your shoelaces!"
- "I am the clipper that trims your hedges!"
- "I am the blown fuse that blacks you out!"
- "I am the butter that burns in your pan."
- "I am the itch in your trigger finger!"
- "I am the cold sore that stings your lip?"
- "I am the hair in the lens of your projector!"
- "I am the scourge that... pecks at your... nightmares."
- "I am the pustulent blister that bursts in your boot!"
- "I am the metal key on the sardine can of justice!"
- "I am the widget missing from the easy-to-assemble swingset!"
- "I am the soapscum on the tub of crime!"
On some episodes, he said something different other that "I am Darkwing Duck!" Among them are:
- "I am... [interrupted by someone else]
- "I am NegaDuck!"
- "I am the original Mr. Fix-It!"
- "I am DarkWarrior Duck!"
- "I am the owner of Mallard Gardens!"
- "I am Gosalyn's... Dad? What!?"
- "I am DarkWing Super-Powered-Super-Hero Duck!"
- "I am ouch!, Quackerjack!?"
- "I am oomf!, Stegmutt?"
- "I am BushRoot!"
- "I am ArchnoDuck!"
- "I am DarkWolf Dog!"
- "I am Mega NegaDuck!"
- "I am Yucky Duck!"
- "I am... The Swan Prince?"
- "I am... Salt...!"
- "I am... Warn... Beyond the leaf..."
- "I am... Street Pizza..."
- "I am... feeling really stupid."
- "I am... totally bored out of my skull."
- "I am... blown away... by the alien menace."
- "I am... well, you know, whatever."
- "I am... obviously all out of my trademark blue smoke."
- "I am... the smallest, weakest thing in the whole place! And I am also outta here!"
- "I am Teacup Duck..."
- "I am DarkWing Speed...Bump."
- "I am DarkWing Auto Compostit."