Darkwing Duck

From Wikiquote
Jump to: navigation, search

Darkwing Duck (1991–1992) was an animated series produced by Disney Television Animation for ABC and for syndication as part of The Disney Afternoon. It follows Drake Mallard (a.k.a. Darkwing Duck, a costumed vigilante in the city of St. Canard), his daughter Gosalyn, his sidekick and pilot Launchpad McQuack, and occasionally boy-next-door Honker Muddlefoot as they fight to protect the city and sometimes the world from supervillains such as the Fearsome Five and criminal organizations such as F.O.W.L. (the Fiendish Organization for World Larceny). Originally a spinoff of DuckTales, the show was an affectionate parody of superhero and spy media, and focused on comedy and action.

Contents

Season 1[edit]

Darkly Dawns the Duck, Part 1 [1.01][edit]

Darkwing Duck: [first line of series] This is the city of St. Canard. Like any other major metropolis, it has its problems with the criminal element.

Darkwing: [To policeman] Another order of dastardly delinquents delivered on your doorstep, courtesy of Darkwing Duck! That's two words, not three; both D's capitalized. Here's my photo. If the papers need more glossies my number's on the card. [chuckles]

Darkwing: I thought this was the age of media glut! Where's the Action News van when you need them? ...and I spent all afternoon ironing this cape.

Darkwing: [gets smashed by his refrigerator in his kitchen obstacle course] I always forget the milk.

Taurus Bulba: Let me understand this, Hammerhead... you and your "associates" are questioning my plan?
Hammerhead: Gee, boss, no... well, sorta. The boys and I were wondering if we couldn't wait until the train stops before we steal the Ramrod!
Taurus Bulba: Ohhhhhhhh, you mean after the army takes control of the weapon with its tanks and jeeps and hundreds of guards! [snorts angrily]
Hammerhead: I guess we didn't think of that! [to Hoof and Mouth] Why didn't you think of that?!
Taurus Bulba: [grabs Hammerhead by the neck] Because I am the brains and you are the stooge!
Hammerhead: [wheezing] That's it, boss. I'm a stooge. Just call me Curly! [chokes]

Warden: Bulba, I trust you're still enjoying your stay in prison?
Taurus Bulba: It's peaceful. No one bothers me. Actually, it suits my business needs perfectly.

Darkwing: [watching Taurus Bulba's condor through binoculars] I know birds fly south for the winter, but this is the first one I've seen with luggage!

[Darkwing crashes throught the roof of Launchpad's hanger.]
Darkwing: Bruised, battered, but never defeated, Darkwing Duck springs back into action! [pops his back] Clever of me to use my spine to break my fall like that.

Launchpad: [first line] Hold it right there, you pirate! Nobody messes with the airplanes in my hangar, or my name isn't Launchpad McQuack!

Launchpad: I have a scrapbook full of all your newspaper clippings! Of course, it isn't a very big scrapbook...

Darkwing: [nervously] Um, wouldn't it be easier to catch the bad guys if we were flying the other way?
Launchpad: Oh yeah. [turns plane around forward] Sometimes I have trouble with that...

Darkwing: [whines] They got away...
Launchpad: [laughs] Can't argue that point, DW! So what do we do next?
Darkwing: "We"? "We" do nothing. I work alone.
Launchpad: But I could be your sidekick.
Darkwing: Singing cowboys have sidekicks! I rely on me, nobody but me, got that?
Launchpad: [grabs Darkwing's leg] Please, please, please, please, please...
Darkwing: [pulls away] Let me make this clear to you: I never want to see you again!
Launchpad: Okay... so do you want my phone number?

Taurus Bulba: The Ramrod is useless without the arming code. Unfortunately, someone arranged an accident for Professor Waddlemeyer last year before I could learn it! Go to the St. Canard Orphanage and bring me his granddaughter. She was practically raised in his lab. If anyone knows the code, she does. After we get the code, then she can have an accident [laughs] like her grandfather. I trust you can get the order right this time!
Hammerhead: No problem. Code first, THEN accident.

Orphanage Director: You know Gosalyn, and you willingly came to see her?

Gosalyn: [first line] Comin' through! All right, play it where it lays!

Gosalyn: Look, I don't know anything about a pig and I was nowhere near the boys' bathroom at the time!

Gosalyn: [to Hammerhead] After Mom and Dad died, Grandpa was the only family I had in the whole world. But since he's been gone, I've made lots of friends here, so it's not so bad. [sighs] Until adoption day. Seems like I'm always saying good-bye... to someone. You know, I'm not a problem child! Grandpa said I just have a lot of spirit. He says when you're full of spirit, everyone else looks empty. Someday I'll meet somebody who understands that. Then I'll be adopted.

[Darkwing is trying to find a place besides his hideout for Gosalyn to stay.]
Darkwing: Where's my phonebook? I'll just find you a hotel or something. [under breath] Maybe the animal shelter has an opening.
Gosalyn: Well, I suppose I could leave, but then I might let it slip where a certain masked avenger hangs out.
Darkwing: You wouldn't!
Gosalyn: [shrugs] Hey, I'm a kid, I'm supposed to be irresponsible

[After Taurus Bulba bursts out of jail in a giant airship shaped like his head]
Warden: Guess they been makin' more than license plates.

Darkly Dawns the Duck, Part 2 [1.02][edit]

Darkwing: A desperate criminal is at large, and terror runs through the streets like a pair of cheap stockings! But it's hopeless! No one gets the drop on Dark-
Gosalyn: [drops on top of Darkwing] Gosalyn Waddlemeyer! Boy, Darkwing, you gotta work on your narration. They write better stuff on Saturday morning cartoons.
Darkwing: Oh yeah? Well, how's this? [flips Gosalyn upside down] In a lightning move, Darkwing turns the tables-
[Gosalyn starts tickling him.]
Darkwing: -on the t-tiny t-terror... will you stop that! That's no fair tickling...

Gosalyn: How come you wear a mask?
Darkwing: Because... there is nothing so terrifying to the criminal mind as the unknown... I am the thing that goes bump in the night! I am the neurosis that requires a five-hundred-dollar-an-hour shrink!
Gosalyn: You mean you don't take off your mask for anyone?
Darkwing: That's right. Not no one, not never.
Gosalyn: What about a really, really, really close friend? [bats eyelashes]
Darkwing: Well, uh... maybe. Someday.

Darkwing: What is a Waddlemeyer Ramrod anyway?
Gosalyn: [recites] It's a trackiospecific device that disrupts gravitational bonds on a molecular level allowing manipulation on a macro scale.
Darkwing: What does that mean?
Gosalyn: I dunno. I think it makes things float and stuff. [pulls out a photo] Here's a photo. That's grandpa.
Darkwing: Looks like you two were close.
Gosalyn: [sadly] We were. [crosses arms] But he never told me any code!
Darkwing: Unfortunately, Taurus Bulba doesn't know that. His men will be searching for you, you know. [chuckles] Although if they knew how much spirit you have, they'd probably run the other way.
Gosalyn: Spirit? [kisses Darkwing's cheek] Thanks, Darkwing!
Darkwing: Uh, sure...

Gosalyn: [ten seconds after going to bed] I can't sleep!
Darkwing: Aw, you just need something to relax you. I know I have a large mallet around here somewhere.

Gosalyn: This has the suspicious ring of reverse psychology to it.

Darkwing: [hearing Gosalyn's snore] This kid could wake Elvis...

Taurus Bulba: Somewhere down there is this Darkwing Duck. I've watched him. I know his weakness. His posing, his flamboyance, the mask and cape! Ha, ha! That hat! It all indicates an ego the size of a small planet!

[Taurus Bulba is sending Darkwing a message in coded message from his airship.]
Hammerhead: But boss, what if he doesn't know morse code?
Taurus Bulba: [laughs] That do-gooder? He probably sleeps with the Boy Scout handbook under his pillow.
[In Darkwing Tower, Darkwing pulls the Boy Scout handbook out from under his pillow]
Darkwing: Phew! Sure glad I saved this baby!

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the jailer who throws away the key! I AM-- [notices he is alone] feeling really stupid. Boy I hate it when I'm early. You'd think criminal masterminds would be more punctual.

Gosalyn: Eat fiber, horn head!

Gosalyn: [to Taurus Bulba] Darkwing Duck is gonna crush you like a stale corn chip!

Darkwing: I could have had a life, but no, I chose to be a clown in a mask and cape! All I need are floppy shoes and bozo nose!!!

Gosalyn: I'm sorry, Darkwing. If they hadn't caught me, you wouldn't have risked your life.
Darkwing: Gos, before I met you I didn't have a life worth risking.

Gosalyn: [after the condor drops her and almost lets her hit the ground] And to think, I used to pay money for rides like that.

Clovis: Mom was right. I should have been a dental hygienist.

Taurus Bulba: I underestimated you once, Darkwing Duck! This time you simply die!

Orphanage Director: I'm sorry, Mr. Mallard. Gosalyn's not feeling very well today. And frankly, it appears you've seen better days yourself.
Drake Mallard: Oh, the bandages? Just a little kitchen accident. I always forget the milk.

Gosalyn: I thought you were-
Drake: Ha! Nobody can hurt Dark- uh, Drake Mallard. Besides, I've got to take care of myself, now that I've going to have an adopted daughter to worry about.

Beauty and the Beet [1.03][edit]

Dr. Reginald Bushroot: [first line] Hey, stop it you guys! Give it back!

Bushroot: Son of a broccoli! What have I done to myself?

Bushroot: [sadly] All I wanted to do was make the world a better place to live. Now look at me. I'm a walking salad bar.

[After a tree rescues Bushroot from the puppy that was chasing him]
Bushroot: I guess a dog's not a tree's best friend. Wait a minute, you moved! But you can't move! But you did move. I must be losing my mind. I gotta sit down for a moment.
[A chair-shaped flower sprouts out of the ground.]
Bushroot: [sits down] Ah, thanks. Oh no, it happened again. A drink? Yes, that's what I need. A drink. [drinks some water through his root-foot] I must have some telepathic link with plants. This is a scientific breakthrough! Yes, that's it! I'm the Doctor Doolittle of the plant world!

Darkwing: I was soon to discover that the only thing more dangerous than a half-plant, half-duck is a half-plant, half-duck in love.

Darkwing: [wrapping himself in vines] We're creating the perfect disguise to catch Bushroot!
Dr. Rhoda Dendron: But that's poison ivy!
Darkwing: I see. Well, then, that explains this incredible itching sensation. AAAAAH!

Darkwing: You feel "so sorry" for that villainous vegetable? That, that.. flipped-out, felonious flora?!? I'M the one with the Swiss-cheese cape!

Bushroot: Ah, what a beautiful bride you are! And with a beautiful blossom like you at my side, the whole world will be green with envy! This is the happiest day of my life! [blows nose]
Rhoda Dendron: But-- but-- I can't marry you, Dr. Bushroot! I'm a working girl, my career means too much to me right now! Besides, you're a plant, I'm a duck, it'll never work out.

Darkwing: [waving weedwhacker, which suddenly sputters and dies] It slices! It DICES! It-- runs out of gas...

Getting Antsy [1.04][edit]

Darkwing: Have I ever told you the story of the little girl, the golf club, and the firing squad?

Darkwing: Sometimes, being a parent makes crimefighting seem easy!

Drake: Admission for two adults and two tiny terrorists.

Darkwing: Phew, if that's Gosalyn, I can't be in a land of giants. I've probably just been... shrunk... to the size... of a... bug. Bleah.

Hamburger Hippo Waiter: [boredly] Don't shoot. The money's in the register.
Darkwing: Oh, no, no. I'm not a robber.
Waiter: You're not a robber?
Darkwing: No.
Waiter: You're just some weirdo in a mask?
Darkwing: Correct. I am just some weirdo in a mask.

Miniature Darkwing: [squeaky voice] Launchpad, I've been shrunk!
Launchpad: What was that, Darkwing? I can't understand you! [holds Darkwing up to his ear]
Darkwing: [shrieks] I'VE! BEEN! SHRUNK!
Launchpad: Well, gee, DW, I coulda told you that.

Night of the Living Spud [1.05][edit]

Bushroot: Never again will I be lonely! Never again will I be told, 'I can't go out with you, you're just a shrub!' I've found the way to obtain the perfect bride! I'm growing my own.

Bushroot: I can't marry a potato! She's a tuber, and I'm a shrub! Well, they say opposites attract...

Bushroot: [to a sales girl he has tied up] Which color do you think would look better on my bride? The pink or the blue?
Sales Girl: Well, what does your bride look like?
Bushroot: She's a large potato.
Sales Girl: Then I'd have to go with the blue.

Duane: Red taters you can reason with, but Russets... ugh, they's just plain mean!

Darkwing: There are no vampire potatoes. Scientists who turn themselves into plants, yes, but vampire potatoes? That's ridiculous!

Bushroot: You have stolen the heart of the woman I love! I'm not gonna rescue you, I'm gonna mow you down!

Gosalyn: [about the Muddlefoots, who have been turned into zombies] Dad! Something is wrong with them! They're watching a test pattern!
Darkwing: Gooooooood, maybe they can understand the plot!

Herb Muddlefoot: [about the test pattern] Hey, I seen this movie before!

Apes of Wrath [1.06][edit]

Darkwing: Forget it, Gosalyn, you're too young to explode.

Dirty Money [1.07][edit]

Launchpad: [smashing around inside a giant vacuum] This reminds me of my first flight. Actually, of all my flights.

Darkwing: Singed... but... triumphant.

Duck Blind [1.08][edit]

Megavolt: [first line] Hmm, nice filament.
Darkwing: Fortunately, we have a psychological advantage.
Launchpad: Because we’re sane, and he’s not?
Darkwing: No, because Megavolt is afraid of me. I've sent him to the electric chair. Twice.

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night!
Megavolt: Happy Flapping!

Darkwing: You- are not a well person!
Megavolt: Oh, and you're normal? "I am the cold sore that stings your lip?" We're definitely talking demented here!

Darkwing: He's using everything but the kitchen sink!
[Megavolt magnetizes a sink, jumps inside, and flies away in it]
Darkwing: I stand corrected.

Darkwing: [walks out of blindingly bright room] Launchpad, will you please turn on the lights?
Launchpad: Uh... The lights are on, DW.
Darkwing: [crashes into a mannequin] Oh, I see.
Launchpad: What do you see?
Darkwing: Nothing. [swallows] Absolutely nothing.

Megavolt: Have you lost your senses?!?!
Darkwing: Just one.

Megavolt: Blast it! YOU'RE HANDICAPPED!
Darkwing: We prefer the term physically challenged.

Comic Book Capers [1.09][edit]

Megavolt: [as Big Chief Power Bill] That my assistant, Little Running Gag.

Darkwing: [as Death Valley Duck] Surrender, Big Chief. You're surrounded by an army of twelve-thousand soldiers. [whispers] That's an old military ploy we call "lying".

Drake: Launchpad, are you reading my comic book?
Launchpad: Who, me?

Drake: Did Hemingway have this problem? No, because he didn't live next door to the Muddlefoots!

Drake: I'd love to stay and chew the fat, babe...

Megavolt: Over my dead batteries! Eat amperes, duck!

Megavolt: Ha! They call me mad! They call me insane! They're right. But I'M running things now!

Megavolt: Fools left me no choice. Just because I missed paying a power bill or two, they threatened to shut me off... in the middle of the greatest scheme of my career!

Megavolt: [talking to a lightbulb] Oh, my sweet darling. You're the ampere of my eye!

Darkwing: Your little game is over, you revolting revisionist! Give it back, so I can finish off the scene where I finish you off!
Megavolt: Wrong! In the last scene I'm gonna finish you off!
Darkwing: Sorry pal, this thing's reality-based. You don't stand a chance against me!
Megavolt: That's what you think, you hackneyed hack! In this edition, I'm now ten times bigger and more powerful!
Darkwing: No way! Lemme see that. Where?
Megavolt: Right there.
Darkwing: What?! What kind of crazy science fiction are you trying to write? In any case, you oughta be twenty times smaller!
Megavolt: What do you think you're doing?! I'm bigger!
Darkwing: Have it your way. I can beat you no matter what size shoe you wear.

Darkwing: Oh, good, saved by my faithful pet, Super Bunny! Wait a minute! Since when did I have a faithful pet named "Super Bunny"?

Darkwing: Never send a bunny to do a duck's job.

Water Way to Go [1.10][edit]

Darkwing: A hero does the undoable, risks the unriskable, and thinks the unthinkable!

Darkwing: If it's oil Steelbeak wants, it's oil he'll get.
Princess of Oilrabia: My people's oil? Are you crazy?
Darkwing: Well, maybe a little manic-depressive on weekends... But I'm sane enough to know that a couple of heroes like us can overcome the likes of F.O.W.L. Launchpad, let's get dangerous!
Launchpad: Did you hear that? He called me a hero!

Launchpad: I'm coming, DW! I'm coming!

Steelbeak: Between the firepower of my battlecruiser and this baby [the weather machine], the city'll be throwing out the red carpet toot suite. And to top it off, Darkwing Dodo is somewhere out there, having dinner with Davy Jones!

Launchpad: Hey, surf's up, DW dude!
Darkwing: Launchpad, you saved my life!
Launchpad: Heroes are always saving lives; it's what we do. You might want to save the thanking part, though. There's no place to land!

Princess of Oilrabia: My people thank you, as do I. With heroes like you, the world is a safer place. Goodbye, my champion.
Launchpad: Well...you know, DW here is the real hero...
Darkwing:...Is the luckiest sidekick in the world! 'Bye, Princess. Me and the boss have to be going. Launchpad, I underestimated you. As far as I'm concerned, we're colleagues, brothers in arms.
Launchpad: You mean it?
Darkwing: I sure do! From now on, we're one hundred percent equals. (pause) Now get the bags.
Launchpad: You got it, boss.

Paraducks [1.11][edit]

Darkwing: Need I remind you about the time with the peanut butter, the floor wax, and my VCR?
Gosalyn: That was an accident!

Easy Come, Easy Grows [1.12][edit]

[Drake fingers the money and begins to laugh crazily]
Launchpad: Gee, do you think something's wrong with him?
Gosalyn: Nothing a good exorcism wouldn't fix...

Bushroot: [as a root] No wonder they say money is the root of all evil.

A Revolution in Home Appliances [1.13][edit]

Trading Faces [1.14][edit]

Darkwing: If you haven't noticed, I happen to be WORKING, here.
Gosalyn: Really? Can I help?
Darkwing: No, thank you; I'd rather the equipment remain in one piece.

Darkwing (in Gosalyn's body): Bottom line, babes, I may be a size two petite, but I'm still me!

[A policeman pulls Darkwing (in Gosalyn's body) over for driving the Ratcatcher.]
Policeman: Just how old are you?
Darkwing: [sheepishly] Old enough to know better?

Gosalyn: [in Drake's body] When are you two gonna show a little responsibility? You're both grounded for life and your allowance is suspended until further notice! Fun, huh, Dad? Just like the way you yell at me.
Darkwing: [in Gosalyn's body] I never yell at you like that. [sees car on stairs and gasps] YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE AND YOUR ALLOWANCE IS SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER--Yow!

Steelbeak: OK, listen up. Today's lesson is "How to Cook Up a Crisis." First, take one merrily spinning planet. Add one Iggy super rocket to bring it to a stop. Chill one half 'til frozen, while frying the other half like a burger. Bon appètit! [laughs] Oh, by the way, if this little bit of epicurean delight is not to your particular taste, just have the world governments cough up 100 trillion smackeroos, and we'll send you the chicken salad instead.

Steelbeak: Boy oh boy, did you kids pick the wrong fan club. I gotta tell you, dressing up like Darkwing Doofus is not gonna score you any points around here.

Steelbeak: What is it with these world leaders, huh? Don't they keep an extra trillion around anymore?

J. Gander Hooter: High Command must surely realize that 100 trillion dollars is difficult to come by.
Steelbeak: Hey, read my beak. Tell 'em to raise some taxes. Heh-heh. [to camera] Like they need an excuse, right?

Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlatan [1.15][edit]

Gosalyn: Oh, great, Dad, you saved the world from a movie!

Can't Bayou Love [1.16][edit]

Darkwing: The city's on fire! It's the blaze of the century! Call the fire department! Call the police! Call my insurance company!
Launchpad: How about a brownie, DW?

Bearskin Thug [1.17][edit]

Tank: (growls) I hear I have you to thank for this trip!

Gosalyn: You'll never get away with this, Steelbeak!

Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night!
Steelbeak: Oh, no. Not here.
Darkwing Duck: I am the blister that bursts in your boot!
FOWL Eggmen: Ewww!
Darkwing Duck: I am Darkwing Duck!
Steelbeak: Man, I can't get away from you. What are you, a franchise? Take him down!

You Sweat Your Life [1.18][edit]

Days of Blunder [1.19][edit]

Darkwing: [gasps] The rubber chicken!

Darkwing: No test can tell you how to live your life! A man like you, a man like me, we boldly go, and daringly do! Our heads are in the clouds, and our eyes are on the stars! Fill up your eyes with those stars, man! With every fill-up you get a free sports bike. Your future's out there, I tell ya! It's callin' to ya! And the future doesn't leave recorded messages by the way; you've got to BE THERE when she rings!

Just Us Justice Ducks (Part 1) [1.20][edit]

Darkwing: All set for our big night out, Morgana? Let's get... amorous.

Gosalyn: Darkwing Duck. Crime fighter, bad Elvis impersonator.

Megavolt: I love the smell of voltage in the evening!

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night--stand back, you might get some blood on ya--I am the single career man all women want to date, I am-- ouch! [surprised] Quackerjack?!?
Quackerjack: No, I'm Quackerjack! You are Darkwing Duck.

Megavolt: That's right! Prepare to meet thy doom at the hands of the... [throws arm around Quackerjack] the TWO most dangerous criminals ever! Together!

Darkwing: [transformed by Morgana] Ha! I'm back! It'll take more than two treacherous transgressors to taint the track record of Darkwiiiiing... Yak?!

Liquidator: Serving the public getting you down? Tired of staring at the station house walls? Then engage in life-threatening combat with Bushroot and The Liquidator!

Stegmutt: Yo, hot dogs, get your hot dogs!
Random Citizens: Aahh! A dinosaur!
Stegmutt: Maybe burgers would sell better.

Liquidator: Loved and adored for years in Europe! Now available in our own country! Beanstalk!

Darkwing: Fe fi fo fumǃ I am the terror that flaps in the nightǃ I am-- [a lightpost collapses on his head] ...Stegmutt.
Stegmutt: I thought I was Stegmuttǃ
Liquidator: Just when you thought it was safe to commit crimes: a dinosaur!
Bushroot: Oh, I hope he's not a plant-eater!

[Darkwing is fighting Liquidator and Bushroot]
Stegmutt: Oh, Darkwing, are you busy?
Darkwing: Busy? No, no. I'm just here with Bushroot and Liquidator, the most dangerous villans ever, and we're playing 'Let's Pretend'!
Stegmutt: Oh boy! I love 'Let's Pretend'!
Liquidator: Yeah! Let's pretend! Let's pretend he's on fire!
Bushroot: Yeah! Put out the Darkwing! Put out the Darkwing!
Darkwing: Nice try, Greensleeves--
Stegmutt: [grabs Darkwing and starts smacking him against the ground] Put out the Darkwing! Put out the Darkwing!
Liquidator: 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed say it's time for us to get out of here!

[A giant beanstalk falls on Darkwing]]
Darkwing: [from beneath it] This is the second most painful moment of my life.
Stegmutt: What was the first most painful?
Darkwing: "Put out the Darkwing, put out the Darkwing!"

Liquidator: Is it Negaduck, or is it Darkwing Duck? SHUSH won't be able to tell the difference!

Bushrootː What will you do if Darkwing Duck shows up?
[There is the sound of guns being drawn; the foursome yelp and hit the ground as a massive hole is blown in the wall behind them]
Negaduckː Something like that. But worse.

J. Gander Hooterː Four of your very own archenemies have joined forces -- an unusual phenomenon, indeed.
Darkwing: Four, eight, 326, ha! Numbers don't scare me. Once I catch up to those confounded criminals, their conniving conspiracy will be kaput.

Darkwing: Negaduck! So you're behind all of this!
J. Gander Hooter: What-who-eh... two Darkwings?!
Darkwing and Negaduck: Don't you believe it, J. Gander! This fiend is my archnemesis, Negaduck! ...Oh no, you don't! You're the lecherous liar known as Negaduck! ...I beg to differ! You're the erroneous executor known only as Negaduck! ...OOOOH! Would you cut that out?!
Dr. Sarah Bellum: [cheerfully, bringing massive gun to bear] Well, I guess we'll just have to kill them both!
J. Gander: Doctor Bellum!
Dr. Bellum: Just kidding.

Darkwing: Morgana, what are you doing here?
Morgana: Aren't you glad to see me?
Darkwing: Uh, well... I... yesss, technically...

Gizmoduck: Good show! What do you think, Wingy?
Darkwing: Ah--
Gizmoduck: Three of us can attack from the front while the other two subversively infiltrate disguised as singing monks. Then, at the appointed hour, Morgana, Stegmutt, and I leap out of the cake, taking the villains by surprise while the others contact the president and get network clearance for our exclusive heroic TV interview with Tom Lockjaw!

Negaduckː At the bridge, I planted a tiny crumb of bread from our questionable room service. It should lead Darkwing Duck here right about... now.
[He opens the door, tripping Darkwing as the latter enters]
Darkwing: Aaah! [From the ground] You thought I'd never find you...!
Negaduckː I see you found the crumb. I knew you wouldn't notice the enormous flag.

Just Us Justice Ducks (Part 2) [1.21][edit]

Neptuniaː Hey, Hal. What? What is it? Somebody fell into Devil's Gorge and has a compound fracture of the lower mandible? Well, it's not my fault I can't understand you. Maybe if you had a mouth.

Bushroot: [on Morgana] Some witch. Doesn't do a bad daisy, though.

Stegmutt: No, no, no, no, no, I'm not a dinosaur! This is my real nose and glasses, honest!

Stegmutt: [gasps] You're a villian!
Quackerjack: [mock-gasps] You're a genius.

Gizmoduck: My gizmos are akimbo!

Gosalyn: Dad, you're OK!
Darkwing: No, I'm dirt. I'm worse than dirt. I'm lower than low. I am not the terror that flaps in the night. [sobbing] I am the self-centered boob who hands over the city at the drop of a dime. I'm a gipnoid, a slug, a spud-motherin' jackanape.
Launchpad: Aw, c'mon. You're not a slug!

Megavolt: Out of my way, you weed!
Bushroot: Who are you calling a weed, plughead?
Megavolt: You, you dandelion!
Bushroot: I'll plug your head in a socket!

Quackerjack: Gee, how generous. [via Mr. Banana Brain] But what about you?
Negaduck: I get... the loot.

Darkwing: [in an old lady's voice] Flowers for Negaduck.
Negaduck: I hate flowers.
Darkwing: Did I say flowers? I meant skulls! [Negs licks his lips in delight] Skulls for Negaduck!
Negaduck: I'll be right there. This had better be good....
Darkwing: Did I say skulls? I meant...ANVIL! [slingshots massive anvil through door, into Negaduck] Awww. I dented my anvil.

Negaduck: Now it's time to say goodbye to all our company!

Gizmoduck: That's it! We'll all go on a big date!

Double Darkwings [1.22][edit]

Launchpad: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the itch in your trigger finger.

Aduckyphobia [1.23][edit]

Gosalyn: You got bitten by a radioactive spider as big as me and you didn't even stop to put disinfectant on it?! No fair! You woulda had me in the emergency room faster than you can say rabies!

Darkwing: I am... ARACHNODUCK! [wiggles eyebrows] You heard right. Arachno. Duck.

Darkwing: [to his sixth arm] Number Six!!!

Darkwing: Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.

When Aliens Collide [1.24][edit]

Jurassic Jumble [1.25][edit]

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the papercut that ruins your morning. [appears, with Gosalyn and Honker next to him] I am--
Secretary: Lemme guess, you're Daycare Duck.
Darkwing: [whispers] Gosalyn, Honker, I told you NEVER follow me to work!
Gosalyn: There was nothing good on TV.
Darkwing: [pushing them aside] Heh, heh. Just impressionable rollerskaters I rescued from a burning... sidewalk.

Gosalyn: [shakes Stegmutt's hand] Gosalyn Mallard, martian hunter, freelance.

[Stegmutt, carrying a giant stolen electromagnet, barely comes to a stop in front of a red light]
Stegmutt: Phew, I almost broke the law!

Cleanliness is Next to Badliness [1.26][edit]

Smarter Than a Speeding Bullet [1.27][edit]

Darkwing: Excuse me, bizarre-looking alien monstrosity...

All's Fahrenheit in Love and War [1.28][edit]

Darkwing: Ugh! Why do the weird ones always fall for me?
Launchpad: Maybe it's the mask...

Whiffle While You Work [1.29][edit]

Darkwing: YEEEEEES! [realizes people are staring at him] We have noooo... bananas...

Ghoul of My Dreams [1.30][edit]

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus! I am... the Swan Prince?

Adopt-A-Con [1.31][edit]

Drake: [irritatedly hummings 'Rock-a-Bye Baby' while fluffing Tuskernini's pillow]
Gosalyn: Dad, are you okay? What are you doing?
Drake: The judge wants to reform Tuskernini, so I'm going to reform him...[pulls lever]...into a pancake. [piano falls on bed]
Gosalyn: Oh, so we can adopt you after the judge throws you in prison! Unless of course he gives you the chair.
Drake: ...maybe we should wait 'til he tries something. After all, I've got him right under my bill where I can keep my eye on him. He thinks I'm just some dimwitted fool--Ha!--but as Drake Mallard, I've got the perfect cover!
[A wrecking ball crashes him through the door.]
Drake: [slurring] By the way, I booby-trapped the door.

Toys Czar Us [1.32][edit]

Darkwing: Not now, honey, Daddy's talking on Mr. Phone!

Gosalyn: We'll be blown to bits!
Darkwing: No, honey. We'll probably be smothered before that happens.

The Secret Origins of Darkwing Duck [1.33][edit]

Negaduck: Tell you what: you help me take over this planet, and I'll let you breathe.

Up, Up, and Awry [1.34][edit]

Darkwing: This good luck horshoe should do the trick! Up, up, and away!
Megavolt: Well, howdy, cowboy!
Darkwing: Howdy yourself, you pony pilferer! Now cease and desist at once, or you'll be really, really sorry.
Megavolt: I'm already sorry. Sorry I won't be around to see you go... SPLAT!
Darkwing: Splat?

Gizmoduck: The new Gizmo-doll is defective. It has a screw loose.
Darkwing: [aside to camera] And that surprises him?
Gizmoduck: It's supposed to fly and say 'beware evildoers', but instead it wets and says 'mama' .

Life, the Negaverse, and Everything [1.35][edit]

Bushroot: We don't have a secret hideout! Why can't we go to your secret hideout?
Negaduck: Bushroot, if I let you go to my secret hideout, it wouldn't be a SECRET hideout anymore!

Drake: Quick, LP, create a diversion!
Launchpad: How about dying from exhaustion?
Drake: No, that's too subtle...

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the cholesterol that clogs your arteries! I am Darkwing Duck!

Darkwing: Great. I leave for five minutes, and Gosalyn's rewired the whole house!

Darkwing: In the Negaverse, there's never been a Darkwing Duck to guard the city...[swallows] or a Drake Mallard to be a father. [hugs Negaverse-Gosalyn] For you, Gosalyn... I'll stay.

Megavolt: Let's get luminous!

Megavolt, Bushroot, Liquidator, and Quackerjack: We are the terrors the flap in the night! We are the soap that's cleaning up this town! We are... Darkwing's Ducks!

Binky: Now, Honker, dear... you run along and do some life-altering damage to those nice men who hurt Mommy.

Dry Hard [1.36][edit]

Bud Flud: The problem is, bad tasting molecules that have been around since dinosaur days have worked their way to the regular water molecules of [clears his throat] most of my competitors. Ooh, I wouldn't wanna drink those! And with Bud Flud's Sparkling Crystal Pure Flud Water, I'll never have to.

Launchpad: [About the heat wave] It's hotter than a monkey's uncle!

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the parking meter that expires while you shop! I am Darkwing Duck!

Bud Flud: This is the ultimate form of advertising! Would you rather drink my pure mountain magic... or a big fat monkey brain?

Darkwing: ...uh, all the better! Cases are so much easier when the bad guy offs himself like that.

Liquidator's Mascots: [singing] He's wet and he's cool, he's really hip / he may be made of water but he's no drip!

Liquidator: Are your muscles sore, tired, aching? Try Liquidator Brand Deep-heating Rub!

Liquidator: Here in the sewers of St. Canard, we've taken a local crime fighter and surrounded him with a wall of boiling water!

Launchpad: DW? DW?
Liquidator's Mascots: [singing] Darkwing Duck!
Launchpad: AAAAHHH!!! LOBSTER WOMEN!!!
Darkwing: Never mind the seafood, old pal! You just splooshed the bad guy!

[Darkwing and Launchpad are trying to break their feet out of 'hard water']
Darkwing: Now, on my command... I hope this doesn't hurt... JUMP!
[Darkwing and Launchpad jump off a 96-storey building]
Darkwing: [through teeth] It hurt.

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night!
Liquidator: Oh no.
Darkwing: I am the soap scum that lines your bathtub! I am--
Liquidator: [laughing] Oh I love your new summer costume!

Liquidator: Away goes Licky, down the drain!

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the hairball that clogs your drain! I am the original Mr. Fix-It! And you're in hot water, Licky. LP, steam his collar!

Darkwing: Okay, okay, okay, okay, FINE. So I'm a lousy plumber. So sue me already!

Liquidator: Once I thaw, you're aqua, Duck.

Liquidator: Concrete, shmoncrete. The Liquidator continues going mile after mile! [creaking, as the concrete begins to set] Of course, mileage may vary...

Heavy Mental [1.37][edit]

Disguise the Limit [1.38][edit]

Negaduck: (laughs evilly) That'll keep my goody-two-shoes look-a-like busy. Okay, maybe pretending to be Darkwing Duck is a rotten trick. But hey, I'm Negaduck, a rotten kinda guy!

[On hearing there's a 1 million dollar reward for his capture]
Darkwing: Impossible! That's ridiculous! ...I'm worth 10 million at least!

Darkwing: Well, aside from sustaining massive internal injuries in a plane crash, and being chased by the army, the navy, and a troop of girl scouts, yeah, I'm, uh, just peachy.

Darkwing: Uh oh.
Citizens: [as Darkwing] I am the terror that flaps in the night!
Darkwing: Oh boy.
Citizens: Let's get dangerous!

Planet of the Capes [1.39][edit]

Darkwing Doubloon [1.40][edit]

Bushroot: Ooh, look at me, I'm shaking like a leaf!

Negaduck: Spirited, eh? [laughs sadistically] I hate that.

Gosalyn: All right, you back off, and I'll go easy on you!
Negaduck: You're being spirited again.
Liquidator: He hates that.

Megavolt: Get any water on me and I'll evaporate ya!
Liquidator: You and what navy?!

It's a Wonderful Leaf [1.41][edit]

Little Girl: Look, mommy, a flower! [pulls on Bushroot's head]
Bushroot: Hey, kid! Easy on the foliage!
Mother: [shrieks and points at Bushroot] A plant monster!
Bushroot: Where?! Where?! Where?!

Bushroot: Christmas. Bah Grub-bug. Everyone treats me like last year's fruitcake...

Drake: [Putting lights on the Christmas tree] Let's get... decorative.

Drake: Gosalyn, I've told you before: it's a Christmas tradition to open your presents on Christmas morning.
Gosalyn: Oh no. Please, please don't make me wait that long! I'll never make it! It's no use! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
Drake: It's tomorrow morning.

Gosalyn: I am the terror that unwraps at night!

Bushroot: And what do you want, little boy?
Little Boy: I want a drum!
Bushroot: Good, because I want you to beat it!

Citizen: My fruitcake! Help! Someone shtole my fruitcake!
Drake: Hmm... Who would shteal fruitcake?
Launchpad: I wish I knew. I can never get rid of the stuff!

Darkwing: Something tells me that some sinister force is sapping the season's spirit!
Bushroot: [to camera] I'm really not sinister... just misunderstood.
Darkwing: Aha! Bushroot! I should've known that you were really at the root of this riotous ruckus!
Bushroot: Everyone's gotta celebrate their own way.

Herb Muddlefoot: Hey! Who ate the heads off all the gingerbread men? ...I wanted to do that.

[Darkwing gets run over by Bushroot and his tree-truck.]
Darkwing: [Dazed] All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth...

Darkwing: Once again, our courageous Christmas crimefighter--that's me--searches for clues, ever-watchful for the corrupt Christmas criminal!
Bushroot: That's me!

[Bushroot uses Christmas Trees to attack Darkwing.]
Bushroot: Calling all trees: Deck the duck with EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT! Fa la la la, la la la la!

Bushroot: No! I'm too young to become a frozen vegetable!

Twitching Channels [1.42][edit]

Darkwing: [gets smashed by anvil] I should have expected this from a cartoon studio.

Darkwing: They can't even draw my beak right! Why, that beak's big enough to land fighter planes on!

Thaddeus Rockwell: You see, Mr. Darkwing, I created you.
Darkwing: Oh really? That's sure gonna surprise the heck out of Mom and Dad!

Darkwing: Megavolt, in this world, I have my own TV show! You're in it too!
Megavolt: [sadly] I know. They always draw my nose wrong.

Dances with Bigfoot [1.43][edit]

Darkwing: Gosalyn, get me out of here!
Gosalyn: What's the magic word?
Darkwing: Grounded.

Twin Beaks [1.44][edit]

Bushroot: You'd think I was the only vegetable that ever went bad...

Bushroot: I may be a mutant plant-duck, sure. But I'm an EARTH mutant plant-duck!

Alien Cow: We come from the planet Larson, on the Far Side of the galaxy.

The Incredible Bulk [1.45][edit]

My Valentine Ghoul [1.46][edit]

Morgana: Absolutely not! Never! Not in a million years! [Eek & Squeak plead] Forget it. I'd rather give up my 'Hex of the Month' Club than ever talk to Darkwing again! [door bell rings] Oh dear, that might be him now! How do I look? Am I pale enough? Are my cobwebs straight?

Morgana: This carnival's nothing but a bunch of freaks, mutants and misfits. [sighs happily] Just like my last family reunion.

Gosalyn: [shoving away a skeleton that tries to kiss her] Get a life!

Negaduck: I feel awful, stooping to such petty crimes. But you just can’t imagine how expensive a thermonuclear warhead is these days!

Morgana: Negaduck, my little honeywumpus!
Darkwing: Hey! I'm supposed to be your little honeywumpus!

Morgana: Care for a jawbreaker, sweetums?
Negaduck: Uh... why, thank you.
Morgana: One broken jaw, coming up!

Dead Duck [1.47][edit]

Darkwing: [entering an anvil factory] Why couldn't it be a pillow factory, just this once?

Darkwing: Oh, what a day. I'm dead on my feet.
[Enter Launchpad and Gosalyn, crying].
Darkwing: Launchpad, Gosalyn, what's wrong? Oh, what's the matter, sweetheart? Bad grades, sad movie, Launchpad cooked dinner?
Launchpad: Oh, D.W.!
Darkwing: Yes, yes, you called?
Launchpad: How will we ever get along without him?
Darkwing: Without who? What are you talking about?
Gosalyn: Oh, Launchpad...I can't believe he's...gone!
Darkwing: Gosalyn, honey, I'm right here, in the pink! Well, light pink, anyway.
Launchpad: It's like I can almost still hear him!
Darkwing: Almost! If I yell any louder, I'll rupture something!

Darkwing: Something's happened to me. I don't know what, but I need your help.
Launchpad: You don't need help, D.W.; you need an undertaker!
Darkwing: Let's get one thing straight. I am not dead!
Gosalyn: But Dad, if you're not dead, what are you?

Darkwing: No ad-libbing!

A Duck by Any Other Name [1.48][edit]

Launchpad: [Posing as Darkwing] Surrender, you evildoing bad guys, or face the doom of Darkwing Duck!

Launchpad: [Posing as Darkwing] Uh, I am the tenor that sings in the night! I am the, uh, uh, road salt that rots the underside of your car!

Let's Get Respectable [1.49][edit]

Darkwing: No one's sure just why I flap. Half the police force think I'm a crook, and the other half hate my hat!

In Like Blunt [1.50][edit]

Blunt: The sand came from here, in the Salad Sea.
Darkwing: There must be a thousand islands there!

Darkwing: [dismayed] He drew on my map.

Random Thug: Never let an embezzler keep score.

Quack of Ages [1.51][edit]

Darkwing: The jig is up, you jaded, jug-headed jack-in-the-box!

Binketh: Hello, strangers! From whence do you hail?
Darkwing: What would you say if I told you we were from 700 years in the future?
Binketh: I would say you were an evil warlock and should be burned at the stake.
Darkwing: [laughs nervously] We're from Sweden.

Darkwing: I am the mighty Darkwing Duck, and I pity the poor fool who stands in my way!

Darkwing: Men, a sword!
[Darkwing gets buried in a pile of swords]
Darkwing: [wheezes] Men, a tourniquet!

Time and Punishment [1.52][edit]

Megavolt: I'll make him sizzle like spit on a griddle!
Quackerjack: Ooh! Aren't we sounding folksy.

Megavolt: But traveling through time can put a hole in the space time continuum, wreak havoc in history and alternatively change the past, present, AND FUTURE FOREVER!!! Actually, it sounds kinda fun!

Darkwarrior Duck: I am the terror that hunts in the night! I am the jackal that gnaws at your bones! [he fires near the 'perpetrator' and singsongs] I'm not finished. [normal again] I am... Darkwarrior Duck!

Gosalyn: Darkwarrior?
Darkwing: Oh, great, gone five minutes and my own daughter forgets my name. Just like she forgot she was supposed to stay in the Ratcatcher.
Gosalyn: [looks down, happily] Launchpad!
Darkwing: Don't change the subject. I have had it with you, young lady. You are grounded for a month.
Gosalyn: No problem, Dad. That kind of justice I can handle. [hugs him]
Darkwing: Now don't argue with me. I--[looks slightly confused, hugs Gosalyn back]

Stressed to Kill [1.53][edit]

Launchpad: Stress Busters says "You should accept the things you cannot change." ....Or is that "Change the things you can't accept"?

Megavolt: Isn't the fire engine supposed to spray water?
Quackerjack: Of course not! Then it would be a water engine!

[Quackerjack and Megavolt are panicking as the city burns around them. Darkwing arrives.]
Quackerjack: Oh, it's Darkwing Duck!
Megavolt: We're saved!
Quackerjack: Oh, quick, do something!
Darkwing: No problemo.
Quackerjack and Megavolt: Yay! Hooray!
Darkwing: After all, if there's one thing a fire's good for...[pulls cape away to reveal wienies in his hand] it's toasting Krazy Kevin's Classic Cocktail Wienies. [puts on headphones and toasts wienies over fire] You guys should try this, really. You'll love them. Mmm, mmm, mmm!
[Megavolt and Quackerjack cry.]

Darkwing: [suddenly being brought back to his senses] Who what when where and sometimes why?

The Darkwing Squad [1.54][edit]

The Darkwing Squad: We are the team that flaps in the night! We are the beaters that scramble your eggmen! We are--
[They get caught by a net.]
Steelbeak: Really dumb.

Inside Binkie's Brain [1.55][edit]

Megavolt: [To lightbulbs he's just stolen] There! Run! Be free! Frolic in the wilderness!

Darkwing: Do you have any idea what you just did?!
Binkie: No need to thank me!
Darkwing: Thank you?!
Binkie: You're welcome!

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the burnt-out bulb you cannot reach! I am Darkwing Duck!

Megavolt: That lady in the cape almost killed us! You're supposed to protect the city from people like that!
Darkwing: I know, I know, I'm sorry! I-- I tried to stop her before, but she... wait a minute, you're the villain! I'm not supposed to apologize to YOU! I'm supposed to SMASH you!

Darkwing: Unfortunately, the only one about to get hurt was someone very important to me: Me.

Megavolt: That's the trouble with being a villain. The heroes always have to win!

The Haunting of Mr. Banana Brain [1.56][edit]

Darkwing: There are a thousand stories in the city of St. Canard. Some are mundane, some exotic, some stranger than others. But one thing remains the same: I'm in all the good ones.

Quackerjack: It's just that sort of talk that drove me out of the toy business and into the loony bin!

Paddywack: You really are quite mad, aren't you? I like that in a clown.

Quackerjack: You've got to save me! If I stay here any longer, I'll go crazy!
Darkwing: 'Go'?
Quackerjack: Well, you wouldn't hold a little thing like sanity against a guy, would ya? Besides, if we're going to get out of here, we're going to have to team up.
Darkwing: Team up with you? That's a laugh!
Paddywack: [offscreen] MWAHAHAHAHA!
Quackerjack: No, that's a laugh.

Darkwing: Quackerjack... let's get ridiculous!

Mr. Banana Brain: Say, fellas, maybe this is part where we show him love and kindness, and he vows to mend his evil ways.
Darkwing and Quackerjack: Eh... naaah!

Slime Okay, You're Okay [1.57][edit]

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the spinach that sticks to your teeth! I am DARKWING-- Duck-and-where-did-everyone-go?
Launchpad: Maybe you need to work on a shorter intro, DW.

Gosalyn: [as a slime monster] I am the slime that slurps in the night! I am the wad of gum that sticks to the heel of crime! I am Yucky Duck!
[She looks around; the enemy is gone.]
Gosalyn: I think I need a shorter intro.

Darkwing: Later, Launchpad, later. For now... let's get slimy!

Whirled History [1.58][edit]

Darkwing (as Christopher Columbus): [repeated line] I claim this India in the name of Spain!

Darkwing (as Leif Erickson): Not so fast, mister! I was here first, and it's America, not India!
Darkwing (as Christopher Columbus): Oh yeah? Then why are there Indians here?

Binky (as an Indian): Look, dear, we're being discovered!

Megavolt: It would take something pretty big to save you now!
[Megavolt gets crushed by Columbus's ship]
Megavolt: [weakly] I guess that's big enough...

Darkwing (as Neil Armstrong): That's one small step for a man, one... [notices Megavolt crushed under his rocket] ...bad day for that guy.

U.F.Foe [1.59][edit]

Gosalyn: This is the desert. A cruel oven where the sand is the baking dish and mystery is the casserole.

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the headache in the criminal mind! I am Darkwing's brain!

Darkwing: Okay, that's it! Time for a little mind over mallard!

A Star is Scorned [1.60][edit]

Gosalyn: They killed her friends and stole her Dad's soul. This time... it's personal. Gosalyn Mallard, Zombie Slayer!

Bushroot: I am the ivy that clogs your pipes! I am the taproot that... clogs your pipes! I am Bushroot!

Bushroot: All right! Let's... get.... Deciduous!

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the slug that slimes your begonias! I am-- Herb Muddlefoot cast as a construction worker?
Herb: No, actually that's my part.

Thaddeus Rockwell: Not only talented, but he tests through the roof! Right, Crosby?
Crosby: Yes sir! Bushroot's cuddliness index is off the charts!

Darkwing: [on screen] I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the editor that leaves you on the cutting room floor!
Thaddeus Rockwell: Crosby! Just what's going on here?
Crosby: I-- I-- I don't know, sir!
Bushroot: Gee, I thought you woulda cut out this part.
Darkwing: [on screen] I am the clock cleaner who will ring your chimes! I am Darkwiiiing Duck!

The Quiverwing Quack [1.61][edit]

Darkwing Duck: It's no use, Negaduck! You may have trapped the whole entire police department in lime jello, but you didn't trap me!
Negaduck: [sarcastically] Ooh, Darkwing Duck! I'm so scared!
Darkwing Duck: Oh, yeah? Well, you should be! [Negaduck throws the bomb at Darkwing] Eep! [bomb explodes]
Negaduck: Ha! I'm more afraid of early hair loss!

Negaduck: So, St. Canard has a new favourite hero, eh? And a little girl, at that! The perfect target for public enemy number one...

Negaduck: What's the big deal? St. Canard always wanted a tourist attraction. I think the leaning tower of pizza is perfect.

Negaduck: What is this?! Did I cross a black cat today? I can't waste one sappy hero?!

Gosalyn: [crying] You never treated me like a hero! You just treat me like your baby girl! [storms out of the room]
Darkwing: [quietly] Because you are...

Negaduck: Too late, Darkwing. You can't save both the girl and the city.
Darkwing: Au contraire, mon frere! That's just what heroes do best.

Jail Bird [1.62][edit]

Bushroot: Oh, well. A plant's gotta do what a plant's gotta do!

Darkwing: My plan, Launchpad, is simple -- not to mention incredibly brilliant, now that I mention it.

Bushroot: Quackerjack's giving me the creeps. Someone's got to tell him prison's not supposed to be fun.

Liquidator: [on Quackerjack] "Let the cleansing power of prison life wipe away your cares... and your sanity!

Megavolt: Look at him. He's nuts. He's out of his tree, completely insane! [pulls out a lightbulb] Isn't he, my wittle bubbwy-wubbwy?

Negaduck: Ah. How sweet. A beautiful dove, the symbol of peace. Perhaps I should feed it...TO A CAT!

Bushroot: He's so arrogant!
Liquidator: So 100% egotistical!
Megavolt: So pretentious!
Quackerjack: So... oooh.. squiggly!
All four: He must be... Darkwing Duck!

Megavolt: Zap him!
Bushroot: Mulch him!
Liquidator: Slice him and dice him!
Quakerjack: Tickle him to death! Hahahaha!

Bushroot: Wait a second! This can't be Darkwing Duck! If it were Darkwing Duck he would've called me mean names like 'Bush-Brain' and 'Melon-Head'!
Megavolt: I think Bush-Brain is right!
Quackerjack: Yeah, good thinking, Melon-Head!

Negaduck: An impregnable stronghold, eh? Heh. I love a challenge. Negaduck can overcome any security system, no matter how formidable! [He shoots a grappling hook up to the prison] Negaduck crushes all obstacles! [He pulls on the rope; a huge stone falls down on him] ...or vice-versa.

Liquidator: You know, 4 out of 5 dentists recommend that you never bug a supervillain!

Megavolt: If I don't do something really destructive soon, I'll go nuts!

Negaduck: I AM MEGA-NEGADUCK! [laughs maniacally]

Liquidator: [depowered by Negaduck] Tired of being powerless? Need professional help? Caaaall Darkwing Duck!

Darkwing: Gentlemen... let's get cooperative!

Dirtysomething [1.63][edit]

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the raspberry seed you can't floss out! I-- [pulls trap off finger] ow. I knew we shouldn't have gone to the mousetrap factory first.

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the squeaky brakes that-- that-- that--...oh, nuts! [crash]

Darkwing: The worst part of public transportation is the public.

Darkwing: Desist, evildoers! Or I'll stop you with my-- my-- [realizes he doesn't have his gas gun] hand.

Gosalyn: So much for the free enterprise system.

[Darkwing and Launchpad's feet are stuck to a conveyor belt and they are headed toward a trash compactor]
Launchpad: [crying] I guess this is the end, DW... I don't know what to say!
Darkwing: [sees a spatula] A spatula!
Launchpad: [sobs and hugs Darkwing] Aspatula to you too, old buddy!

Kung Fooled [1.64][edit]

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the special news bulletin that interrupts your favourite show! I am Darkwiiing--
Gosalyn: Keen gear! A real super-villain; let's squish him!

Darkwing: Once again, the dauntless Darkwing Duck deftly defeats the demon's devious, uh...
Gosalyn: [mutters aside to him] Deviltry.
Darkwing: ...deviltry.

Darkwing: Okay, okay, so he didn't respect me. So I only started fighting crime in a vain, pitiful attempt to win his approval. So what? ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT?
Gosalyn: Oh golly gosh nooooo, Dad
Darkwing: Of course not! And I'm gonna make him respect me if I have to break every bone in my body!

Goose Lee: I have read of your adventures. I must say, you have turned out to be Master Lee's greatest... what is the word?
Darkwing: [eagerly] Pupil, disciple, hope for the future?
Goose Lee: Disappointment.

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the bubblegum that sticks in your hair! I am Darkwing Duck! [The dragon flips him up into the air.] Perhaps I overdid the terror thing.

Gosalyn: Yeah, right, Dad. Who'd wanna sit and watch you for half an hour?

Bad Luck Duck [1.65][edit]

Darkwing: Where's the doctor?
Launchpad: [sees voodoo guy behind DW] Witch Doctor!
Darkwing: I don't care, any doctor!

Darkwing: I am the terror that-- [crashing and coughing in the smoke] all right, who put the banana peel there?

Darkwing: I can't let Negaduck take over the world! After all, I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the itch you cannot reach! I AM Darkwing Duck!

Negaduck: Today, St. Canard -- tomorrow, the world! I always wanted to say that.

Season 2[edit]

That Sinking Feeling [2.01][edit]

Darkwing: The city of St. Canard is home to a thousand criminals, but not one dares make a move. For in this city is a shadowy guardian, who hunts them like a phantom in the darkness. I am that guardian. I am the terror that flaps in the night; I am the winged scourage that pecks at your nightmares; I am Darkwing Duck!

Drake: Gosalyn... after I get up... and have my cup of coffee... remind me to punish you. Severely.

Moliarty: Darkwing Duck? Sounds like something I should try with egg rolls.

Moliarty: Say, I don't believe I've made the obligatory explanation of my plan!
Darkwing: Oh, great. Now he wants to torture us.

Professor Moliarty: Is this a joke? I would hate that.
Mole Foot Soldier: No sir.
Professor Moliarty: I hate it anyway.

Darkwing: The daring Darkwing Duck defies death yet again and defeats the despicable denizens of darkness!

Film Flam [2.02][edit]

NegaDuck [2.03][edit]

Negaduck: I am the shopping cart that nicks your paint job!

NegaDuck: I am the most fiendish terror that flaps in the darkest night! I am the skunk that pollutes your air! I... am... NEGADUCK!

Megavolt: Negatrons alone can't be split or merged; you've been... GALVANIZED!

Megavolt: Ingrate! You're no son of mine!

Posiduck: Virtue is its own reward!
Negaduck: Oh, yeah? Well, I say: don't get mad, get EVEN!

Gosalyn: He's so obnoxious, so arrogant, so conceited! ...It's gotta be dad!

Fungus Amongus [2.04][edit]

Morgana: Perhaps we could get together again sometime! I could share facts about spores and slime molds!
Darkwing: Ah, I'd like that! Sort of.

Launchpad: Gee, DW, sorry about your girlfriend being a fiendish bloodsucking creature from the netherworld.

Morgana: Oh, Darkwing. If you insist on having principles, our relationship is doomed!

Slaves to Fashion [2.05][edit]

Binkie: Oh, but bikes are so boyish! Don't you think Gosalyn should have more, well, feminine things? Have I ever told you that, dear?
Drake: [muttering] Only every time you see me.

Herb: Hey! Nice costume, there, Drake! Of course, nobody's gonna confuse you with the real Darkwing Duck!
Darkwing: Uh, you don't think there's any resemblance, Herb?
Herb: [laughs] No offence, there, guy, but Darkwing Duck is much taller! He's my best friend, I seen him once in person.

Darkwing: Methinks malicious mischief mars this masquerade!

Something Fishy [2.06][edit]

Darkwing: Just as I suspected: the eels operate on alternating current!

Neptunia: You know, you're pretty smart -- for an idiot.

Neptunia: You have some pretty good ideas -- for a moron.

Tiff of the Titans [2.07][edit]

Steelbeak: If there's one thing I hate, it's excuses! ...Make that two tings I hate. Excuses, an' a seven-ten split! [Darkwing shows up] Okay, make that three things.

Gizmoduck: Well, if you're not a crook, how come you're wearing a mask?
Darkwing: Hey, hey. Let's not get personal, helmet-head!
Gizmoduck: It came with the outfit!

Gizmoduck: Attention FOWL Agents! Come up with your hands up, or I, Gizmoduck, shall give you a sound thrashing!

Steelbeak: C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! What are these two tryin' to do, talk each other to death?

Calm A Chameleon [2.08][edit]

Darkwing: The only way to really be happy is to be who you are, and nobody else.
Gosalyn: This from a man in a cape and mask.
Darkwing: Huh? Oh, oh I have to do this. For, uh, professional reasons. It's not like I'm maladjusted or anything; can't be that. Can it?

Battle of the Brainteasers [2.09][edit]

Bad Tidings [2.10][edit]

Darkwing: Not that I care, Grizz, but you've got a fish in your ear.
Grizzlikof: WHAT? I CANNOT HEAR YOU! I HAVE A FISH IN MY EAR!

Going Nowhere Fast [2.11][edit]

Negaduck: I am the screeching fingernail on the chalkboard of justice. I am the sourball in the candy jar of goodness! I am... Negaduck!

A Brush With Oblivion [2.12][edit]

Drake: Yep, yep, yep. Stand back, everyone. It's true that Honker is a shy young man, but I've dealt with this sort of thing before. Honker... SPIT IT OUT!!!

Herb Muddlefoot: Honker, it's just not like you to lie, but until you stop, I'm gonna have to ground ya. No going out to play, no television, no food, no water, no sunlight...

Splatter Phoenix: Dialectical dualisms!

The Merchant of Menace [2.13][edit]

Season 3[edit]

Monsters R Us [3.01][edit]

Darkwing: [to Morgana's father] You should let your daughter choose her own company. She has impeccable taste.
Moloculo Macawber: What she needs is a nice ghoulish boy! Only then will she find true happiness.
Darkwing: She doesn't WANT happiness, she wants ME!

Gosalyn: Keen gear, I'm modular!

Darkwing: [as a werewolf]I am the terrier that yaps in the night! I am the schnauzer that digs up your petunias! I am Darkwolf Dog!

Morgana: Father! If you blow up my boyfriend I'll never speak to you again!

Morgana: Oooh! I'll convince them that violence isn't the way if I have to kill them!

Inherit The Wimp [3.02][edit]

Drake: A mysterious hero protects the city of St. Canard. He is the terror that flaps in the night. He is the eraser that rubs out the typos of crime! He is-- Gosalyn's Dad?

Darkwing: Wait'll you see the Mallard family tree!
Gosalyn: Suuure, then I can meet the family bush, and the family mulch pile...

Gosalyn: Uh, Dad, I know this sounds incredibly out of character, but I've got to do my homework.

Darkwing: Haven't you learned that crime does not pay?
Megavolt: Maybe not, but the benefits package is great!

Mallard Ancestors: We are the terrors that flap in the night!
Sherrif Quack Mallardson: We are the splinters you just can't tweeze! ...I reckon.
Sir Quackmire Mallard: We are the rust spots on the armor of crime!
Webwoof the Barbarian: We... uh... we... we bad!

The Revenge of the Return of the Brainteasers, Too! [3.03][edit]

Honker: But I'm tired of being smart, Mr. DW! I wanna be like you!
Drake: Well, that's nice. [realises] Hey hey hey, wait a minute!

Darkwing: They won't get far! For I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the pebble in the shoe of ignominy! I am-- [accidentally puts on Talaya] ZE QVEEN OF ZE GALAXY!

Star-Crossed Circuits [3.04][edit]

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the check that overdraws your account! I am Darkwing Duck!

The Steerminator [3.05][edit]

Darkwing: I always tell the truth, even if I have to lie to do it!

Honker: Confetti?
Gosalyn: You know Dad: always prepared for a parade.

The Frequency Fiends [3.06][edit]

Gosalyn: I'm way too cool to have a big ego!

Megavolt: Hey, I wonder if these gals have an unquenchable thirst for chaos and mayhem? We could do some crimes together!

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the low point on your sine wave! I am Dark...wing... Duck. Rats. Another twenty-dollar gas cartridge down the tubes; there's nobody here!

Megavolt: Excuse me, have you seen any evil energy demons?
Launchpad: Right in there!

Darkwing: Oh, perfect. I get to die with my archenemy.
Megavolt: I'm really your archenemy? Gosh, that's swell! I always thought Dr. Slug was your arch--

Megavolt: I know the electromagnetic spectrum like the back of my hand! [glances at the back of his hand] Whoa, what is that?

Megavolt: Well, the magnet will interpolate the hyperstatic matrix to a random configuration. Um... they'll go boom.

Paint Misbehavin' [3.07][edit]

Splatter Phoenix: I shall save them from artistic oblivion, destroy that lowbrow rubbish they call art, and replace it with my own daringly innovative pseudo-anti-neo-post-modern deconstructionist, uh... stuff!

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the pencil that breaks from signing too many autographs! I am [crushed by fans] ...street pizza.

Darkwing: [about Launchpad] Some people grow up and some people just grow older.

Launchpad: Well, art always was my best subject! ...or was it lunch?

Launchpad: So, you two, have you learned a lesson from this?
Darkwing: Oh, I sure have. We've got to join together, in friendship, and mercilessly crush our enemies into paste.

Splatter Phoenix: Don't make me laugh! Your bourgeois morality would never allow you to hit a woman!
Darkwing: It's-- it's true. I just can't hit her. Quiverwing... you do it.

Hot Spells [3.08][edit]

Darkwing: What's this, the janitor's closet?
Morgana: It's... the Library of Forbidden Spells. [music sting]
Gosalyn: So what's the Library of Forbidden Spells? [music sting]
Darkwing: Um... is it going to do that every time we say [whispers] 'Library of Forbidden Spells'? [music sting]

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the water balloon that lands right on your head! I am Darkwing Duck!

Fraudcast News [3.09][edit]

The Bugmaster: [on TV] I've been watching TV recently, and I'm sick of this second-rate jerk, Darkwing Duck.
Drake: [to TV] Hey, hey hey hey! I'm a first-rate jerk!

Gosalyn: Wait a minute, there's something strange about this 'Bugmaster'.
Drake: Yeah: she's in a bug costume, threatening a cockroach. I'd call that strange.

Darkwing: Well, Bianc, it's like I always say: you've got to break a few pennies to save an omelet. ...Well, I say something like that. Anyway, c'mon, Launchpad!

Darkwing: Oh, great. Another pun-obsessed super-villain.

Drake: Oh, nice shot of me there! Good composition. You know, this looks great! The only thing that could make it better would be if I could actually catch the crook!

Darkwing: Launchpad, this is science. Science always works!

Launchpad: Hmm. I wonder how much it costs to have my eyes trained?

Darkwing: It always comes down to this, Launchpad. Me, you, a villain craving my destruction, and an abandoned warehouse.
Lanchpad: Yeah. I wish for once it could be a roller rink or something.

Darkwing: If you are angling for a bigger allowance this is not the way to go!

Darkwing: What did I ever do to Gosalyn to deserve this?
Launchpad: Well, once you grounded her until her senior year of college.
Darkwing: Yeah...
Launchpad: And another time you made her eat beets even though you know she hates them.
Darkwing: Yeah, but I--
Launchpad: Oh, and then another time you--
Darkwing: I get the idea! Thank you!

Clash Reunion [3.10][edit]

Darkwing: [As Gosalyn draws on his yearbook] Has Daddy ever told you the story of the little girl, the marking pen and the pit of eternal flame?

Megavolt: Oh, indignity heaped upon indignity! Why me? Why?! Why?! Why?! My high school reunion coming up and I have nothing to wear! Why was I made to suffer so? [to the lightbulb he's holding] What? What's that you say? Wear the jumpsuit, battery, gloves, and helmet? [Kisses bulb] Brilliant! Oh what, would I do without you? [Laughs] Ah, high school. I remember those golden days, days of constant degredation and torment with nary a moment's rest from the endless stream of abuse. Oh those were the days.

Elmo Sputterspark: Please refrain from accosting me, sir.

Elmo Sputterspark: This is only a total defeat, you know.

Elmo Sputterspark: At last, I have harnessed the awesome power of carpet static! And those fools in the Science Club said it couldn't be done!

Elmo Sputterspark: [to his own hand] Oh, don't point that thing at me. It might go off. At last! What I always wanted: the ability to enterain others at cocktail parties! But wait, these powers might have greater uses. I can seek revenge on those who tormented me, those who made me a freak, those who...those who gave me this ridiculous hair-style!

Megavolt: I am... MEGAWATT!
The Band: Hey! That's our name, man!
Megavolt: Oh, sorry. Uh, in that case... I am... MegaVOLT!

Megavolt: No! What are you looking at?! Your piercing stares are driving me mad! Mad I tell you! Mad! Oh, and by the way, I'm going to destroy the school and all of you with it.

[Drake is dressing as Darkwing for the first time.]
Drake: Now all I need is a name. Something that'll conjure up the fear of a dark moonless night, the speed of an eagle’s wing... something like... 'The Really Scary Fast Thing'!

Megavolt: Aha! All is lost! No one can save you now! You're chemistry!
Students: Huh?
Megavolt: No, not chemistry. Math! Is that-- No, uh-- History! That's it. You're history!

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the nightǃ I am the grade curve that gives you an Fǃ I am Darkwing Duckǃ

Megavolt: All right, Darkwing! You may be tough, but I'm not! ...or... something.

Ham String: You missed Darkwing Duck, man!
Drake: 'Darkwing Duckman'? What is this 'Darkwing Duckman'?

Launchpad: Hey DW, try one of these horse do-overs! They're pretty good!

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the nightǃ I am the fast food that comes back to haunt youǃ I am Darkwing Duckǃ

Megavolt: [to Darkwing] Gee, I suppose I oughta barbecue you now... but I just haven't got the heart. But don't worry, [whips around and zaps Ham String and Preena Lott] I'm still gonna take my revenge on you two!

Megavolt: Let's see, particle acceleration plus fade conversions equals... TOAST!

Megavolt: At last! I'll have revenge on those who tormented me! Those who made me what I am! Wha... what am I anyway? A dentist? No, lumberjack? No. ...King of the Jungle?

Megavolt: At last! At last I'll be rid of those meddling kids and their nosy dog! Whoa, wrong cartoon.

Preena Lott: Yeah, I guess we owe you an apology, Drake. G'wan, g'wan, Ham, apologize!
Ham String: Aw, gee, Drake, uh, sorry for acting like a chowder head.
Darkwing: Aww, Ham... you weren't acting.

Megavolt: I may have lost, but at least I know Darkwing Duck's secret identity! He's... Elmo Sputterspark! No, that's not right...

Mutancy on the Bouncy [3.11][edit]

Darkwing: Stand still and I'll thrash you some more!
The Rubber Chicken: I'd better go... if you thrash me any more you're gonna end up in a hospital!

Darkwing: Think I can't do it, eh? No faith in my abilities, eh? Well ha! And double ha! And ha some more!

Gosalyn: And so, Darkwing Duck, St. Canard's mighty masked vain pig-headed loud-mouthed snooty egomaniacal waffle-brained mallard, paid a little visit to Swenlin Swine.

Launchpad: DW! He's going into Bob's World of Breakable Antiques!

Cement-Head: Oh well, now that you've found me out, I guess I'll just have to crush you like bugs. C'est la vie.
Launchpad: ...la vie?

Darkwing: Y'know, you did pretty good. For a mutant.
The Rubber Chicken: And you did pretty good for a vain pig-headed loud-mouthed snooty egomaniacal waffle-brain!
Darkwing: Hey! I'm not vain.

Malice's Restaurant [3.12][edit]

Unnamed Guard: Oh, how can you be so heartless and cruel?
Negaduck: Practice.

Drake: I can explain the bats.
Herb: Please don't.

Launchpad: DW! It's the famed food critic, Mr. Mikey!
Darkwing: Oh, he won't like it! He hates everything!

Negaduck: And now, a little added ingredient for the goulash: my specially-trained attack squid! I never leave home without it.

Darkwing: I knew this would happen! Your food has finally gone bad! And I don't mean bad-rotten, I mean bad-evil! C'mon, Launchpad. Let's get goulash!

Darkwing: Oh, if only I hadn't blamed your food for kidnapping the bunnies, we wouldn't be on the brink of doom! This is all my fault! ...well, aren't you gonna argue with me? You know, "there there, it's not all your fault, DW," that sort of thing?
Morgana: No, it pretty much is all your fault.

Darkwing: I am the terror who flaps in the night! I am the editor who cuts your scene! I am Darkwing Duck! ...oh, and this is Morgana, but of course you've met-- never mind.

Negaduck: Oh, by the way, your girlfriend's turned herself into a slug. Hope you can love her for her mind.

Darkwing: Morgana! I think I've learned at last to accept you for what you are! ...provided it's not a slug.

Extinct Possibility [3.13][edit]

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the limestone that petrifies your bones! I am Darkwing Duck!

Theme Song[edit]

  • Main Singer: Daring duck of mystery,
    Champion of right.
    Swoops out of the shadows;
    Darkwing owns the night.
    Somewhere some villain schemes,
    But his number's up!
    Female Chorus: 3-2-1!
    All: Darkwing Duck!
    Female Chorus: When there's trouble you call DW!
    All: Darkwing Duck!
    Darkwing: Let's Get Dangerous!
    All: Darkwing Duck!
    Female Chorus: Darkwing, Darkwing, DUCK!
    Main Singer: Cloud of smoke and he appears,
    Master of Surprise.
    Who's that cunning mind behind
    That shadowy disguise?
    Nobody knows for sure,
    But bad guys are out of luck
    'Cause here comes...
    Female Chorus: Darkwing Duck!
    Main Singer: Look out!
    Female Chorus: When there's trouble you call DW!
    All: Darkwing Duck!
    Deep Voice: Let's Get Dangerous!
    All: Darkwing Duck!
    Female Chorus: Better watch out you bad boys!
    All: Darkwing Duck!

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about: