Deadliest Warrior

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Deadliest Warrior (2009- ) is a television program in which information on historical or modern warriors and their weapons are used to determine which is the "deadliest" based upon tests performed during each episode. The show is characterized by its use of data compiled in creating a dramatization of the warriors' battle to the death.

Season One[edit]

Apache vs. Gladiator[edit]

Viking vs. Samurai[edit]

Spartan vs. Ninja[edit]

Barry Jacobsen: To a Spartan, a ninja would be nothing but vermin; he'd be a peasant armed with weapons he doesn't deserve to carry, fighting better men than himself.

Pirate vs. Knight[edit]

David Hernandez: (on the matter of the Pirate dodging the Knight's morningstar) See, you're talking about running away. I'm talking about running around.

Yakuza vs. Mafia[edit]

Green Beret vs. Spetsnaz[edit]

Shaolin Monk vs. Māori Warrior[edit]

Sala Baker: (on the Māori losing to the Shaolin Monk) Well, that's what the computer says. Computer's probably Chinese.

William Wallace vs. Shaka Zulu[edit]

Kieron Elliott: (on pitting William Wallace against Shaka Zulu) There really is no competition. It's basically like swatting an African fly.
Anthony DeLongis: (on Shaka Zulu's Spit of Poison) There's just one problem I see... (holds Claymore sword out in front of him) How far can you spit, chief?
Jason Bartley: (numerous times before beginning a weapons test) ZULU! ZULU! ZULU!

I.R.A. vs. Taliban[edit]

Back for Blood Special[edit]

Season Two[edit]

SWAT vs. GSG-9[edit]

Attila the Hun vs. Alexander the Great[edit]

Rashad Evans: Alexander is the truth!

Jesse James vs. Al Capone[edit]

Johnny Lew Fratto: (on Jesse James's Pistol Whip) Who the f*** needs to hit anybody with a pistol anyway? You know it's a f****** pistol! Use it as a pistol!

Aztec Jaguar vs. Zande Warrior[edit]

Coley Mustafa Speaks: (on the Aztec Jaguar losing to the Zande Warrior) Sorry Aztec warriors. Maybe next time! Nyum-Nyum!

Nazi Waffen-SS vs. Viet Cong[edit]

Roman Centurion vs. Rajput Warrior[edit]

Narrator: A Roman Centurion, killer commander whose brutal assaults led Rome to conquer the world; versus a Rajput Warrior, India's menacing martial arts master who defeated enemies with a diabolical arsenal designed to kill.

Somali Pirates vs. Medellin Cartel[edit]

Persian Immortal vs. Celt[edit]

Narrator: A Celt, savage war-loving barbarian from 400 BC, who dominated Europe through brute force and raw fighting skills; a Persian Immortal, the precision killer in a massive war machine that forged the largest empire the Middle East has ever seen. Who is deadliest?


William Spencer Dinnean: (speaking about the Celts) We have no rules of engagement. Whatever we need to do to get the job done. We thought of war as a sport. We're going to demolish the Persian Immortals.


Spencer Dinnean: The Celtic warriors were known to fight naked and there was nothing that was going to stop them. Celts fought with a raging hard-on. (cuts to other Celtic expert)
Francis Brebner: You know, the look of them was absolutely terrifying. Very strong, very muscular, they wore their hair long and wild. They were just total barbarians. Crazy.
Spencer Dinnean: They wanted to show their enemies that they were crazy about killing them.


Ardeshir Radpour: The Persian Immortals were the special forces of the ancient world. They were trained from the age of five to do nothing but kill and destroy other soldiers.


Ardeshir Radpour: The Persian Immortals were called immortals because they never left dead behind on the battlefield, so their enemies never saw dead Immortals. More importantly anytime somebody did die, another warrior would step up and fill that rank, so the number was always 10,000 strong.


Geoff Desmoulin: (after the Celtic longsword is tested from a chariot) I don't think we've seen a cleaner cut with a weapon.
Ardeshir Radpour: But it's just never going to happen. He and his chariot will never get that close to us, and if he does get close, we will kill him before he can actually reach with that sword.
Spencer Dinnean: That is just asinine to think it's never gonna happen, cause we're coming for you, man.
Ardeshir Radpour: You can come, you still got to reach me before I reach you and that's not gonna happen.
Francisc Brebner: There's not much you can do with your head hanging off. (Max Geiger mimes getting the top half of his head chopped off)
Geoff Desmoulin: (laughing) Exactly.

KGB vs. CIA[edit]

Vlad the Impaler vs. Sun Tzu[edit]

Ming Warrior vs. French Musketeer[edit]

Xavier Declie: I like the Ming Warriors, but I think they should go back to where they came from, and, you know, build walls. I think they're very good at that.

Comanche vs. Mongol[edit]

Navy SEAL vs. Israeli Commando[edit]

Season Three[edit]

George Washington vs. Napoleon Bonaparte[edit]

Joan of Arc vs. William the Conqueror[edit]

U.S. Army Rangers vs. North Korean Special Operations Force[edit]

Hannibal vs. Genghis Khan[edit]

Saddam Hussein vs. Pol Pot[edit]

Lawrence of Arabia vs. Theodore Roosevelt[edit]

Hernán Cortéz vs. Ivan the Terrible[edit]

Jason Heck: Cortéz has better weapons, he is more sane... He's just going to win.

Pancho Villa vs. Crazy Horse[edit]

French Foreign Legion vs. Gurkhas[edit]

Vampires vs. Zombies[edit]

Opening Narration[edit]

Narrator: (after each warrior is introduced) Who is DEADLIEST? To find out our world-class fighters are testing history's most lethal weapons. Using 21st Century technology, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe-to-toe. No rules, no safety, no mercy. It's a duel to the death to decide who is the Deadliest Warrior.