Dinosaurs (TV series)
Dinosaurs was an American television show created by Walt Disney Television and Jim Henson Productions. It was broadcast from April 1991 to July 1994 on ABC. In May 2006, seasons 1 and 2 were released as a single set. The show was about the lives of a family of dinosaurs as a satire on modern American life.
|Season 1||Season 2||Season 3||Season 4|
|"The Mighty Megalosaurus"||"The Golden Child"||"Nature Calls"||"Monster Under the Bed"|
|"The Mating Dance"||"Family Challenge"||"Dirty Dancin'"||"Earl, Don't Be a Hero"|
|"Hurling Day"||"I Never Ate for My Father"||"Driving Miss Ethyl"|
|"The Howling"||"Endangered Species"||"The Discovery"||"Earl's Big Jackpot"|
|"Employee of the Month"||"Little Boy Boo"||"Terrible Twos"|
|"When Food Goes Bad"||"Germ Warfare"||"Changing Nature"|
|"Career Opportunities"||"Hungry for Love"|
|"Unmarried ... With Children"||"License to Parent"||Unaired Episodes*|
|"How to Pick Up Girls"||"Charlene's Flat World"||"Into the Woods"|
|"Switched at Birth"||"Wilderness Weekend"||"Scent of a Reptile"|
|"Refrigerator Day"||"The Son Also Rises"||"Working Girl"|
|"What "Sexual" Harris Meant"||"Getting to Know You"||"Variations on a Theme Park"|
|"Fran Live"||"Green Card"||"Earl and Pearl"|
|"Power Erupts"||"Out of the Frying Pan"||"Life in the Faust Lane"|
|"The Clip Show"||"Out of the Frying Pan"||"Georgie Must Die"|
|"A New Leaf"||"Honey, I Miss the Kids"|
|"The Last Temptation of Ethyl"||"Honey, I Miss the Kids"|
|"Nuts to War (part 1)"||"If I Were a Tree"|
|"Nuts to War (part 2)"||"We Are Not Alone"|
|"And the Winner Is..."||"Charlene and Her Amazing Humans"||Misc.|
|"Slave to Fashion"||"The Clip Show II"||Repeated lines|
|"Leader of the Pack"||Characters|
|"WESAYSO Knows Best"||External links|
*These episodes were not aired during the original showing of season 4 but were later shown in syndication.
The Mighty Megalosaurus
- Earl [to Baby, who just demanded a story]: Once upon a time, dinosaurs didn't have families. They lived in the woods and ate their children. It was a golden age.
- Fran [to Earl]: If you love me you'll get them [a new set of pots and pans] for me. Do you love me?
- Charlene: Hi daddy. How was your day?
- Earl: Not a dime, Charlene.
- Charlene: Daddy, can't I even say hello without you thinking that I want something?
- [Earl looks at her for a moments without saying anything]
- Charlene: A sweater. I just want a sweater.
- Fran [sternly]: Earl Snead Sinclair!
- Earl : Oh, God. My whole name.
- Earl [to Robbie]: School is not for asking questions. It's a place you go to be out of this house.
- Earl : I went to work.
- Baby : Why?
- Earl : Your mother makes me.
- Earl [Sees the not-yet-born Baby's egg]: That better be breakfast.
- Earl : No matter how low you are in this world, as long as you have a family to come home to, well, they're lower.
- Fran : It isn't often I get to see the sentimental side of you.
The Mating Dance
- [Baby is crying at three in the morning]
- Fran: Earl, feed the baby.
- Earl: Why?
- Fran: Because if you don't feed it, it'll die
- Earl: How many other kids we got?
- Fran: Two
- [Earl goes back to sleep]
- Earl: I've got a wife who's unhappy about something.
- Roy: This is without historical precedent.
- Earl: Anyway, just this morning I said "I love you" [to Fran].
- Roy: Did you say it sincerely?
- Earl: Nah, it was a defense mechanism.
- DNN Reporter: And finally, in local news, officials at the city zoo report no luck in trying to mate Ling-Ling and Chang-Chang, the two rare imported humans. Zookeepers are baffled at why two seemingly healthy cavepeople have not yet produced offspring.
- [The news report switches to the zoo, showing two human males in the cage]
- Earl [very excited]: One more day til I throw your mother over the cliff and into the pit.
- Fran: Earl, this is supposed to be a solemn and holy day.
- Earl: No, that's tomorrow. Today is a day of saying "Yippee, yippee!"
- Earl to B.P. Richfield: I'm overwhelmed by your sudden lack of cruelty.
- [B.P. Richfield is telling Earl about when he hurled his mother-in-law into the tar pits]
- B.P. Richfield [sadly]: My, it's sad how the memories fade.
- B.P. Richfield [cheerfully]: Good thing I got it on VHS!
- [Earl and B.P. Richfield watch the tape]
- Earl: Nice trajectory, sir.
- B.P. Richfield: Damn right.
- Earl: The moment goes by so quickly, my captain.
- B.P. Richfield: Well, not on slow-mo. Ha!
- [plays tape again, this time in slow motion, as B.P and Earl laugh]
- Earl: Hello family ... and Ethyl [his mother-in-law]
- Earl: I know they just crawled out of the sludge, and I hate to be critical of other life forms, but God, I hate lawyers.
- [Roy is telling Earl about the Code of the Wilderness escape clause]
- Roy: Well, basically, you're entitled to escape from his claws. The Code of the Wilderness clearly states that you have the legal right to run away like a scared bunny.
- [Ethyl see's the size of Gary's (the guy who is challenging Earl to a fight to the death) sock]
- Ethyl [to Fran]: Congratulations. You're a widow.
- Earl: Hey, hey. Hold on there. I'm the father and if anyone is going to your school and beat up a kid, it's gonna be me.
- [Earl and Robbie are arguing about traditions and the Sacred Book of Dinosaur]
- Earl: Hey, this book's been around a million years and you've been around what, 15 years? Guess who wins?!
- Roy: Earl, you hurt my feelings and embarassed me in front of my lunch.
- Earl: Would it be so hard to close your mouth while you're eating?
- Roy: Would it be so hard to close your eyes while I'm eating?
- Earl [to Robbie]: I'm going to tell you a little something that my sweet old dad told me just before I went up the hill. I remember he said, "Earl, unlock that bathroom door". Of course, that doesn't apply here, but you get the gist.
- Robbie: This isn't the dark ages. This is 60 million BC!
- Fran: I'm going to be very disappointed if this world ends and you and Robbie are still angry at each other.
- Earl: He destroyed the universe!
- Roy: Hey Earl, what about my stuff?
- Earl: The kid will get it. That's why you have kids.
- Roy: Hmmm. Maybe I should get one.
The Golden Child
- [Earl walks into the living room and sees Robbie and Charlene watching TV while the baby is alone in the kitchen.]
- Earl: Morning, kids. What are you doing?
- Robbie: Watching the baby.
- Earl: Nice to see you you're accepting more responsibility.
- Earl [to the Elders]: Please don't make me bite off my own head. I was practicing in the lobby, and it just wasn't happening.
- Elder [reading from the Sacred Book of Dinosaur]: ...and his father [Earl] shall be courageous and wise.
- [Earl chuckles]
- Elder [to another Elder]: Give me the Wite-Out.
- [Elder edits the sacred book]
- Elder [reading from the (revised) Sacred Book of Dinosaur]: ...father shall be a blithering idiot.
- Earl: Can he do that?
- [Robbie is refusing to help manage the people coming to see the new king (Baby)]
- Robbie: Those dinosaurs out there are just sheep.
- Earl: Have you noticed that some of those sheep are cheerleaders?
- [Robbie runs outside to help.]
- Howard Handupme: A meteor watch has been put into effect throughout the Pangean panhandle. Scientists have specifically pinpointed this particular house as the point of probable impact.
- [A picture of the Sinclair house appears on the tv screen]
- Earl: Come on, come on! What does this have to do with me?
- [Earl is talking to the insurance agent about the cost of replacing the tv]
- Earl: Don't try to cheat me on this! 'Cause I know you insurance guys, you have absolutely no ethics.
- Insurance Agent: Well, how much would you say your television is worth?
- Earl: Ten thousand dollars. Good thing I popped for that extra meteor coverage, huh?
- Insurance Agent: For us, yes. But if you refer to that large bound volume we sent you labeled "exclusions", you'll find that a meteor is only a meteor until it enters the Earth's atmosphere, at which time it become a meteorite.
- Earl: As you can see, I have separated all known dinosaur wisdom into three categories: "Animal, vegetable, rocks."
- Robbie: Well, what about fire?
- Earl: Vegetable.
- Charlene: What about water?
- Earl: Water is the opposite of fire, which we have previously established as a vegetable. What's the opposite of a vegetable? Fruit. So water is a fruit. Fruit is not a vegetable, so it has to be either an animal or a rock. We know it's not an animal. Therefore, fruit is a rock.
- Charlene: Daddy, I asked you about water.
- Earl: Could we hold all questions until the end of the lecture, please?
- Baby [pointing the remote at Earl]: Not the TV!
- Charlene: I'm used to being embarrassed by you guys on a local level, I don't know how I feel about being humiliated nationally.
- Earl: And what makes you the Ancient History expert?
- Ethyl: I was there.
I Never Ate for My Father
- Ethyl: Television is responsible for the utter degradation of our society. We should write a letter.
- Fran: Mom? Get a life.
- Earl: If your mother can take the time kill this dinner, you can take the time to eat it.
- [Robbie leaves the table, refusing to eat meat]
- Earl: Charlene, you are now my son.
- Charlene: Thanks Daddy. Can I have money for lipstick?
- Earl: Of course, son.
- Earl: I shoulda shown [Robbie] the beauty of killing small things.
- Bob Dylan-like Singer:
- Has anybody here
- Seen my old friend Bambi's mother?
- Can you tell me where she's done?
- She fed a lot of people
- But the tasty, they die young.
- Just like antelope, mutton, and Bambi's mom.
- [Earl is telling Robbie about his father.]
- Earl: He expected me to live in the woods, have kids in the mud, eat my mate and die in pieces. And you know? That was okay for him. But I wanted better.
- Earl: It doesn't take a genius to figure that out.
- Ethyl: Then you're the guy for the job.
- Earl [to Fran]: It's not [Charlene's] tail. That would be a female problem. She isn't a female yet, so she doesn't have a problem. Which if she did, we wouldn't discuss it in front of the son.
- Robbie: Fine, I'll leave.
- Earl: I'll go with you.
- [Earl punches Roy]
- Roy: Hey! Earl, I don't want to pry into your personal business, but is something bothering you?
- Earl: Not that I'm aware of.
- [Earl is putting the uneaten food back into the refrigerator]
- Food: And don't be putting me in no vegetable bin. I wake up in the vegetables and I'll come out and kick you big, flabby dinosaur butt all up and down the super-continent.
- Earl [to Charlene]: I don't think nature knows what it's doing. What I think you need is something to protect you from nature.
- Charlene: You mean, like a father?
- Earl: Well, actually, I was thinking more like a machine gun. But, I guess a father would do in a pinch.
- Earl: How'd I do Fran?
- Fran: Well, "not the mama", but you'll do in a pinch.
- [Robbie is writing an essay; the Grapdelites pop out of their box]
- Grapdelite 1: Shouldn't you be hiding us?
- Grapdelite 2: Can't you see he's thinking?
- Grapdelite 1: I'm merely reminding him of his responsibility to his father. Now, be quiet!
- Robbie: Hey, I'm trying to write a paper here! Okay?
- Grapdelite 2: We've offended him!
- Grapdelite 1: What's your paper about?
- Grapdelite 2: Oh, it's none of our business!
- Robbie: It's a social studies paper, and it's not going very well. [shows the Grapdelites his paper]
- Grapdelite 1: "Why dinosaurs rule the Earth? We're big."
- Robbie: Yeah, that really bites, doesn't it?
- Grapdelite 2: Well, there's certainly no denying that size allows the dinosaur to have almost unlimited benefits.
- Grapdelite 1: Of course, the duality of nature dictates that for every benefit, there must be a cost.
- Grapdelites: [together] Don't you agree?
- Robbie: Oh, well, I, uh...
- Grapdelite 1: We've lost him.
- Grapdelite 2: So try an illustration.
- Grapdelite 1: Of course. [to Robbie] Why is it good to be big?
- Robbie: Well, we get to eat whoever we want. Uh, no offense.
- Grapdelite 1: Oh, none taken.
- Grapdelite 2: However, if we don't plan for the future, there won't be anymore food. That would be the cost.
- Robbie: What do you mean "no more food"? There's always more, that's what "more" means.
- Grapdelite 1: Oh, dear... [pulls out a bunch of grapes from the box]
- Grapdelite 2: Imagine that these are all the grapes in the world.
- Robbie: Um, yeah, so?
- Grapdelite 1: Now, suppose that you eat all the grapes.
- Robbie: Hm, okay. [eats the grapes in one gulp] Okay, now what?
- Grapdelite 2: Now, suppose you want grapes tomorrow.
- Robbie: Well, I'll go the market and get some.
- Grapdelite 2: But those were all the grapes in the world.
- Robbie: Well, then I'll have to eat something else.
- Grapdelite 1: Oh, well, you rule the world.
- Grapdelite 2: A world without grapes.
- Robbie: So you're saying that if we eat them all, there won't be anymore.
- Grapdelite 1: I think he understands...
- Robbie: Ha! I can stretch that to 500 words easy!
- Grapdelite 1: Or maybe he doesn't..
- Robbie: You guys can help me with my homework everyday, or at least until Mom and Dad's anniversary.
- [B.P. Richfield overhears Earl having Grapdelites for his 20th anniversary and orders him to come to his office]
- Earl: You wanted to see me, my captain?
- B.P. Richfield: I hear you got your 20th anniversary coming up, Sinclair!
- Earl: How suspiciously cordial of you to take an interest, sir.
- B.P. Richfield: And the wife's probably lookin' forward to that Grapdelite dinner, right?
- Earl: I'm sure she is, sure.
- B.P. Richfield: Yeah, a little wine, candlelight, and those Grapdelites gonna taste so sweet and satisfyin'! Mmm-mmm! You and the wife will probably look each other in the eye and tell each other how very much in love you still are, and who knows? Maybe you'll take a little trip upstairs and... [they both crack up laughing until Richfield bangs his desk, resuming his serious mood] THAT'S NOT HAPPENIN'!!!!
- Earl: It's not?
- B.P. Richfield: I WANT THOSE GRAPDELITES!!!
- Earl: What?!
- B.P. Richfield: They're my favorite food, Sinclair! Everybody's out of'em, you got'em, I want'em! You don't give'em to me, I'm gonna bite off your head!
- Earl: B-b-b-but I can't give them to your, sir. They're for my wife. If she didn't get them, she'd be very unhappy.
- B.P. Richfield: How much is your wife's happiness worth to you, Sinclair?
- Earl: Well, I see what you're getting at there, sir... uh, Mr. Richfield, but no amount of money is worth taking this away from my wife. My wife's happiness means the world to me.
- B.P. Richfield: Here's $50.
- Earl: It's a small world after all. But with all due respect, you know, there is the matter of my own personal dignity, sir. You only get one 20th anniversary, and if I sell you by Grapdelites, how much is my personal dignity worth?
- B.P. Richfield: I got another $23 for your personal dignity.
- Earl: That should cover it. [takes the money] And what about my self-respect?
- B.P. Richfield: I think we've taken care of that.
- [Robbie comes back from school in a bad mood]
- Robbie: [to the Grapdelites] Thanks for everything. I got an F. [throws his notebook close to the Grapdelites]
- Grapdelite 2: Oh, careful!
- Robbie: Oh, sorry. I didn't see you.
- Grapdelite 1: He seems distressed.
- Grapdelite 2: I hope it's nothing we done.
- Robbie: "Why dinosaurs ruled the Earth?" And I wrote a whole essay about what you guys said about how we're too wise to eat all the grapes. Look what the teacher wrote. [shows the Grapdelites his paper]
- Grapdelite 1: "There'll always be more grapes. That's what 'more' means."
- Grapdelites: An F?!
- Grapdelite 2: But just because the teacher doesn't understand doesn't mean you failed.
- Grapdelite 1: Oh, no!
- Robbie: Stanly Kravitz got an A.
- Grapdelite 1: Well, what did he write?
- Robbie: He wrote, "Because we're big." That was my answer! I had the right answer, and I let you guys talk me out of it! Why did I let you talk me out of it?
- Grapdelite 2: Because it's wrong.
- Robbie: Yeah, but the teacher thinks it's right.
- Grapdelite 1: Well, what if the teacher's wrong?
- Robbie: Yeah, right. "What if the teacher's wrong?" I tried that on my parents all the time and it never works. Anyway, the teacher said there would be enough grapes and there would always be enough of everything, then she called me a radical!
- Grapdelite 1: But there's not gonna be always enough of everything?
- Robbie: Ah, leave me alone. I already flunked once, and that's what I get for letting food do my homework.
- [the Grapdelites gasp]
- Grapdelite 1: Robbie, we're the last two grapes!
- Robbie: What?!
- Grapdelite 2: That's why they can't find anymore of us, they're aren't any.
- Grapdelite 1: We're the last of our kind.
- Robbie: How can that be?
- Grapdelite 2: Because we're delicious. [Robbie and the Grapdelites chuckle]
- Robbie: My parents are gonna eat you tomorrow night and there won't be anymore of you at all!
- Grapdelite 2: Oh, boy. What a blow to your teacher.
- Robbie: You guys should try to escape or something.
- Grapdelite 1: No, no, we need to help you with your paper.
- Grapdelite 2: It's very important.
- Grapdelite 1: Yes, very.
- Robbie: But this is your last night on Earth. Forget the paper! The assignment is over!
- Grapdelite 2: No, it's not. Not if you don't the answer yet.
- Grapdelite 1: No, no. Here, Robbie. Try it again.
- Robbie: Alright.
- Grapdelite 1: Now, why do dinosaurs rule the Earth?
- Robbie: Why?
- Earl: Robbie!
- Grapdelite 1: That's your father!
- Grapdelite 2: Happy anniversary!
- Robbie: Shh! [hides the Grapdelites under a blanket]
- Earl: [steps into the room] Robbie, give me the Grapdelites.
- [Earl is watching television, dejectedly, after becoming disillusioned with his job]
- TV: Why are you stuck in a boring dead-end job?
- Earl: I don't know.
- TV: Why does your boss always yell at you?
- Earl: Can't figure it out.
- TV: Why is your life such a complete mess?
- Earl: Will you stop pickin' on me?
- TV: Why ask 'Why'? Drink alcohol! Nobody likes a thinker! You may not be able to change your life, but you can change the way you look at it. Alcohol. The more you drink, the less you think!
Nuts to War (part 1)
- [Baby is crying because a mouse like creature ate his cookie]
- Fran: No, crying isn't going to help.
- Baby [sobbing]: My cookie's gone!
- Fran: Because you ate it.
- Baby: No, the cookie creature took it.
- Fran: All right. A cookie creature took it.
- Baby: Don't talk down to me!
- Fran: This is between you and the cookie creature, so you two will have to work it out.
- Baby [angrily]: Oh well, thanks for nothing.
- [During a series of commercials using war references and jingoism to sell products]
- Girl on TV:Mom, do you ever feel... you know... not patriotic?
The Son Also Rises
- Earl Sneed Sinclair:"You see son, it is one of my responsibilities as a parent, to wean you from life's joy and prepare you for the relentless heartache that is adulthood".
- [Last words of the series]
- Howard Handupme: And, taking a look at the long-range forecast, continued snow, darkness, and extreme cold. This is Howard Handupme. Good night. [pause] Goodbye.
Repeated lines and catch phrases
- Earl: Honey, I'm home.
- Baby: Not the mama!
- Baby: I'm the baby, gotta love me!
- Baby [after being severely injured]: Again!
- Mr. Lizard: We're going to need another Timmy!
- B.P. Richfield: Sinclair! In here, now!
- Roy: Hey there, pally boy.
- Earl Sinclair - The father (aka "The Mighty Megalosaurus"), a tree-pusher for the WeSaySo Corporation.
- Fran Sinclair - The mother and family homemaker.
- Robbie Sinclair - The eldest child (fifteen years old) and someone who often questions established traditions.
- Charlene Sinclair - The middle child (twelve years old) and very materialistic.
- Baby Sinclair - The youngest child, "Baby" is his actual name.
- Ethyl Phillips - Fran's mother and Earl's nemesis.
- Roy Hess - Earl's best friend and co-worker.
- B.P. Richfield - Earl's intimidating boss, whom Earl fears and will not stand up to.
- Spike - Robbie's best friend from school, a very bad influence.