From Wikiquote
Dumb and Dumber is a 1994 comedy film starring Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels about two well-meaning but inept friends who travel across the country to Aspen, Colorado to try to give back a briefcase left in an airport as part of a ransom payment.
- Directed by Peter Farrelly. Written by Peter Farrelly, Bennett Yellin and Bobby Farrelly.
What the one doesn't have, the other is missing. taglines
- That's it. I've had it with this dump! We've got no food, we got no jobs,... our pets' HEADS ARE FALLIN' OFF!!!
- Life's a fragile thing, Harr. One minute you're chewin on a burger, and the next minute you're dead meat.
- Harry! You're alive! And you're a horrible shot.
- (cornered by Sea Bass) Find a happy place! Find a happy place!
- (pretends to promote Turbo Lax) 1/2 teaspoon, for fast, effective relief.
- You know what I'm sick and tired of, Harry? I'm sick and tired of having to eke my way through life. I'm sick and tired of bein' a nobody. (pause) But most of all,... I'm sick and tired of havin' nobody.
- I'll tell ya where we'll go. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. And beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talkin' bout a little place called... (silently) As-pen.
- Just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this…and totally redeem yourself!
- [his leg is on fire while asking for Beth Jordan's phone number] FOR GOD'S SAKES, JUST GIMME THE DAMN NUMBER!!!!
- [to Mary] Nice set of hooters you got there.
[edit] Dialogue
- Harry: What's her last name? I'll look it up.
- Lloyd: You know, I don't really recall. Starts with an S! Let's see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?
- Harry: Maybe it's on the briefcase.
- Lloyd: Oh, yeah! It's right here.
- [He reads the manufacturer's name, which is Samsonite.]
- Lloyd: Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though.
- Harry: [looks through the phone book] I'm not seeing it here, Lloyd.
- Lloyd: She must be unlisted.
- Harry: Great. So what are we supposed to do now?
- Lloyd: I'm only human, Harry! Anybody can make a mistake. Come on! Stop bein' a baby! So we backtracked a tad!
- Harry: A TAD?!!
- (he furiously runs up to Lloyd)
- Harry: A tad, Lloyd?! You drove almost a 6th of the way across the country in the wrong... DIRECTION!!! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen! We don't have enough money to get home! We don't have enough money to eat! We don't have enough money... TO SLEEP!!
- Lloyd: Well, it's not gonna do us any good to sit here whinin' about it. We're in a hole. We're just gonna have to dig ourselves out.
- Harry: (nods unhappily) Okay. Right. You're right. You're absolutely right, Lloyd.
- (he's about to walk away)
- Lloyd: Where ya goin'?
- Harry: Home. I'm walking home!
- Lloyd: Oh! Well, pardon me, Mr. PERFECT!!! (nervously laughs) I guess I forgot that you never, ever make a mistake!
- Nicholas: Excuse me, Gentlemen? This is a $500-a-plate dinner. Good night.
- (Harry puts cash in Nicholas' pocket)
- Harry: Okay, put us down for 4.
- Lloyd: In case we want seconds.
- Joe: (sees a note on Harry and Lloyd's door) Those rat bastards. They're rubbin' it right in our faces.
- Shay: Man! Andre'll have a goddamn hemorrage if we don't get that briefcase back!
- Joe: They must've been followin' us for weeks.
- Shay: Why ya say?
- Joe: "Gas Man". How the hell do they know that I got gas?
- Shay: They gotta be pros.
- Joe: Don't worry. We're gonna get that money back. And I'll tell you somethin' else. They ain't never gettin' to Aspen. I'm gonna see to that. (crumples the note)
- Lloyd: Excuse me, little old lady. Do you have change for a dollar?
- Elderly woman: Change? No I'm sorry, I don't.
- Lloyd: Well, can you do me a favor and watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar?
- Elderly woman: Of course.
- Lloyd: Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!
- Harry: Where's the booze?
- Lloyd: I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn't even see it comin'!
- [Harry starts to moan in despair]
- Lloyd: Harry... Oh, come on, Harry. Cheer up...
- Harry: [voice breaks] It gets worse, Lloyd. My parakeet, Petey...
- Lloyd: Yeah?
- Harry: He's dead.
- Lloyd: Oh... Oh, man, I'm sorry, Harry. What happened?
- Harry: His head fell off.
- Lloyd: [reacts; whispers] His head fell off?
- Harry: Yeah, he was pretty old.
- Harry: I can't feel my fi-fingers anymore, Lloyd. T-th-they're numb!
- Lloyd: Ooh. Maybe you should wear these extra gloves... my hands are starting to get sweaty.
- Harry: Extra gloves? You've had...this pair...of extra gloves...this whole time??
- Lloyd: Yeah! We're in the Rockies.
- Harry: I'm going to kill you.
- Lloyd: [chuckles] ...What?
- Harry: I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you, Lloyd!
- Lloyd: Calm down, Harry!
- Harry: Oh, no! I'm gonna kill you!
- Lloyd: Harry, you've got that crazy look in your eye! [wields a log]
- Harry: [chuckling] I know what I'm gonna do. [walks to the briefcase]
- Lloyd: What are you doing!?
- Harry: [grabs the briefcase] I'm gonna do something I should've done a long time ago.
- Lloyd: Aah! Don't do anything foolish, Harry!
- Harry: "Foolish"? This isn't foolish, I'm gonna toss this damn curse RIGHT INTO THAT DAMN POND! [he and Lloyd go through a struggle]
- Lloyd: No!
- Harry: I'm gonna do it! [throws the briefcase, but it lands somewhere off-screen]
- [Harry grabs Lloyd and starts strangling him]:
- Lloyd: EEEK! HARRY! YOUR HANDS ARE FREEZING!
- Lloyd: That's it. I've had it with this dump! We've got no food, we've got no jobs, our pets' heads are falling off!!
- Harry: Okay, just calm down!
- Lloyd: What the hell are we doing here, Harry!? We've gotta get out of this town!
- Harry: Yeah, and go where!? Where are we supposed to go?
- Lloyd: I'll tell you where; someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talkin' about a little place called Aspen.
- Harry: Oh, I dunno, Lloyd, the French are assholes.
- Lloyd: The least you could do is level with me. What are my chances?
- Mary: Not good.
- Lloyd: You mean like one out of a hundred?
- Mary: More like one out of a million.
- Lloyd: So you're tellin' me there's a chance.
- Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
- Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week!
- Harry: Huh! I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
- Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.
- Officer: Pull over!
- Harry: (shows his sweater) No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticin'!
- Lloyd: Yeah! Killer boots, man!
- Officer: Pull your vehicle to the side of the road!
- Harry: Look at the buns on that.
- Lloyd: Yeaaaah...he must work out.
- Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I'd do anything to bone her.
- Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.
- Lloyd: Uh, what is the Soup Du Jour?
- Waitress: It's the Soup of the Day.
- Lloyd: Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that.
- Lloyd: Hey Harry.
- Harry: Hey Lloyd. How was your day?
- Lloyd: Not bad, fell off the jetway again.
- Harry: So you got fired again?
- Lloyd: Yeah, they always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, ya know.
- Harry: Yeah, I lost my job too.
- Lloyd: Man, You are one pathetic loser. No offense.
- Harry: No, none taken.
- [after accidentally killing Mental with rat poison]
- Harry: He blamed me...those were his last words. You heard him.
- Lloyd: Not if you count the "gurgling" sound.
- Lloyd: So, where ya headed?
- Mary: Aspen
- Lloyd: Mmm, California. Beautiful!
- Lloyd: That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
- Lady at bus stop: Austria.
- Lloyd: Austria! Well, then. [in an Australian accent] G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!
- Lady at bus stop: Let's not.
- Lloyd: Mock!
- Harry: Yeah!
- Lloyd: Ing!
- Harry: Yeah!
- Lloyd: Bird!
- Harry: Yeah!
- Lloyd: Yeah!
- Harry: Yeah!
- Lloyd: MOCK-ING-BIRD dont Everybody have you heard
- Harry: Have you heard...
- Lloyd: She's gonna BUY me a mockingbird
- Harry: Mocking bird...
- Lloyd: And if that mockingbird dont sing
- Harry: bird dont sing...
- Lloyd: Shes gonna BUY me a diamond ring
- Harry: a diamond ring
- Lloyd: and if that diamond ring dont shine...
- Harry: dont shine...Hey Lloyd look! There's some people who want a ride too!
- Lloyd: Pick em up!
- Head Detective: Did you get a make on the vehicle?
- Detective: Yes, sir. They're driving an '84...sheep dog.
- [spots a pair of skis on top of a woman's car]
- Harry: Skis, huh?
- Woman: That's right.
- Harry: They yours?
- Woman: ..Uh huh.
- Harry: Both of them?
- Woman: Yeah.
- Harry: Cool!
- Harry: That's a lot of luggage for a little vacation.
- Beth: Oh, I'm moving to Aspen. I've gotta get away from my boyfriend. He's such a klutz! Plus, my astrologer told me that I really should stay away from accident-prone guys. So, you know.
- Harry: Well, you know I--
- [rests hand on Beth's car's side mirror, which breaks]
- Harry: [hands mirror to her] Here. It's a little loose.
- Lloyd: Isn't this incredible? What more could two single guys ask for?
- Harry: How about some food?
- Lloyd: I swallowed a big June Bug while we were driving. I'm not really hungry.
- [reading newspaper]
- Lloyd: Mary Swanson will... hossst... a new-ul...
- Harry: "Host", "annual".
- Lloyd: An..u..el
- Harry: "Annual".
- Lloyd: T...t...t-heh...t...
- Harry: "The".
- Lloyd: I mean, if one beautiful girl can rip us apart like this, then our friendship isn't worth a damn. Maybe we should call it quits right now.
- Harry: You just tell me where to sign, bud.
- Lloyd: Right on my ass right after ya kiss it!
- Harry: Kiss it?! You kiss mine! Both cheeks, both lips! Right here! Mwah, Mwah, Mwah!!
- Nicholas: Which one of you wants to get it first?
- Lloyd: Over here. I was the one who got us into this whole mess. C'mon, shoot me.
- Harry: No! Wait. Do me first. I stole your girl, Lloyd, I deserve it.
- Lloyd: No, you don't.
- Harry: Yes, I do.
- Lloyd: No, you don't. No, you don't!
- Harry: Yes, I do! Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life! Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg.
- Lloyd: (faking) Okay. Kill him!
- Lloyd: What's going on, Harry? Your name is "Harry", isn't it?
- Harry: Yeah, she grabbed down at the lobby, explained what was up, then they slapped this bullet proof vest on me and gave me a gun.
- Lloyd: But what if he shot you in the face?
- Harry: [to detective] What if he shot me in the face?
- Beth: That's a risk we were willing to take.
- [bus pulls up, a girl comes out]
- Bikini contestant: Hey, guys. We're going on a national bikini tour and we're looking for two oil boys who can grease us up before each competition.
- Harry: You are in luck...there's a town about three miles that way. I'm sure you'll find a couple guys there.
- Bikini contestant: Okay..thanks..
- [bus pulls away]
- Lloyd: Do you realize what you've done?! Hey! Wait!
- [bus stops, and opens doors for them]
- Lloyd: Y-you'll have to excuse my friend. He's a little slow...the town is back that way!
- Lloyd: [nudges Harry] You're it.
- Harry: [nudges Lloyd] You're it.
- Lloyd: [nudges Harry] You're it, quitsies!
- Harry: Anti-quitsies. [nudges Lloyd] You're it! Quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!
- Lloyd: You can't do that!
- Harry: Can too!
- Lloyd: Cannot, stamped it!
- Harry: Can too, double stamped it, no erasies!
- Lloyd: Cannot, triple stamped it, no erasies, touch blue make it true. [puts his hands over his ears and sings]
- Harry: No! No! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! You can't triple stamp a double stamp, Lloyd! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! LLOYD! LLOYD! You c--
- Joe: GUYS!!! ENOUGH!!
- Beth: The number's 555-...
- Harry: (quietly and rapidly) 555-...
- Beth: 905-- Wait a minute, that's my old number. (laughs) That is so weird how your mind just goes blank!
- Harry: (screams while his left leg is on fire) FOR GOD'S SAKES, JUST GIMME THE DAMN NUMBER!!!
- Beth: Okay, look. Uh, you're gonna get pushy, forget about it!
- (she drives away)
[edit] Taglines
- What the one doesn't have, the other is missing.
- For Harry and Lloyd every day is a no-brainer.
[edit] External links
