Fanboy and Chum Chum

Fanboy and Chum Chum is computer-animated television series produced by Frederator Studios. It premiered on Nickelodeon on November 6, 2009.

Season 1

Wizboy [1.1.1]

[Debut lines of the series]

Mr. Mufflin: ...And lastly, there was a misprint on today’s cafeteria menu. “Meat Larf” should read “Meat Lard.”

Fanboy and Chum Chum: [alternating] Mr. Mufflin! Mr. Mufflin! Mr. Mufflin! Mr. Mufflin!

Mr. Mufflin: And so it begins. Yes, purple kid?

Fanboy: Which juice box goes best with meat larf?

Chum Chum: Red or white grape?

Mr. Mufflin: If they hold these two back another year, I’m putting in for early retirement. [recieves note] What’s this? Oh great. A new student. Well, where is he?

[The lights go out, Kyle appears]

Kyle: From beyond the veil of dispose, comes one who is versed in ways of sorcerery, traveler of the mystical relms of necromancy. Please tremble, and give it up for...Kyle, the Conjurer!!! End scene.

---

[Fanboy and Chum Chum scoot up to Kyle's desk and talk to him for the first time]

Fanboy: So, a wizard, huh? Are you classically trained, or self-taught?

Kyle: Well actually, I attended the prestigious Milkweed Acadamy for Wizards, until I was unfairly expelled for turning one of my professors into raspberry flan. Delicious old fool. [licks lip] But one day, they will see the error of their ways, and I will return to assume my rightful place as the most powerful pre-teen wizard on the planet! [maniacal laughing that then stops with Fanboy and Chum Chum's laughs]

Kyle: He is not a wizard!

Fanboy: Uh yeah, I am.

Kyle: Very well, If you are a wizard, why don't you perform some magic.

Fanboy: I foresaw that you would ask that. Stand Back!

Kyle: No. But I didn't pull it!

Fanboy: Magic.

Kyle: Enough!, I've had with you ninnies. It is time for me to show you what a real wizard can do. Huh?, What?

Mr. Mufflin: No stick waving. You'll get this back at the end of the year.

Pick a Nose [1.1.2]

[Lunch Lady Cram drops Chum Chum's nose in the grease. Fanboy and Chum Chum scream in horror]

Fanboy: [stops Chum Chum from dunking into the grease] Chum Chum! It's ok! It's not your nose! It's not your nose! I would never do anything to hurt your real nose, buddy! You're my best friend!

Chum Chum: Yeah...but...

Fanboy: [Takes out another nose] Here's your real nose.

Chum Chum: Fanboy! You made me the happiest boy alive! [puts back his new nose] Here.

Fanboy: Don't cry! [puts his nose back too] You're gonna make me cry!

The Janitor Strikes Back [1.2.1]

Mr. Mufflin: Who are you? [Reads Janitor Poopatine's name tag] Mr. Poopatine?

Janitor Poopatine: It's Janitor Poopatine! But you can call me Russ.

---

[Yum Yum pulls Poopatine up from the hole with his tongue]

Janitor Poopatine: What are you waiting for? Someone! Pull me up!

Fanboy: [reading a comic] Sure. As soon as you say that gum's allowed in school...

Janitor Poopatine: Never!

[Fanboy snaps his fingers, Yum Yum releases Poopatine]

Dollar Day [1.2.2]

[Fanboy and Chum Chum launch into their Dollar Dance]

Fanboy: WHA! BAM!

Chum Chum: Bling! Bling!

Fanboy/Chum Chum: A dollar! Uh-huh, uh-huh! A dollar! Uh-huh, uh-huh!

Fanboy: Can you bend it?

Chum Chum: Yes!

Fanboy: Gonna spend it?

Chum Chum: Guess!

Fanboy: It looks good...

Chum Chum: Mm-hmm!

Fanboy: It tastes wierd...

Chum Chum: Yeah!

Fanboy: Do the Money Dance!

Fanboy/Chum Chum: Do the Money Dance! Do the Money Dance! Do the ah-ah, do the ah-ah!

[They continue to dance, Lenny is not pleased]

---

[After Fanboy sees Chum Chum put the dollar in the Chimp Chomp game]

Fanboy: AHHHHHHH!!! Chum Chum, what did you do?!? That was our ONLY DOLLAR!!!

Chum Chum: Or was it?

Fanboy: Yes! And you SPENT IT!!!

Chum Chum: Or did I?

Fanboy: YES! And I saw you PUT IT IN THE MACHINE!!!

Chum Chum: Or did you?

Fanboy: Why do you keep talking like that?!?

Chum Chum: Cause I lost our ONLY DOLLAR!!!

Trading Day [1.3.1]

Fanboy: Cut it out, Yo!

Yo: [chases Fanboy carrying Chum Chum, giggling] C'mon, Fanboy! I just wanna be with him a little bit!

Fanboy: How many times do I have to tell you!? Chum Chum is not a toy!

Chum Chum: Yeah! Hands off the merchandise!

Yo: [giggles] I know! But he's just so cute! And Chum-Chummy!

---

Mechatech: What is a Chum Chum?

Fanboy: What...is a Chum Chum? He's a snow day when you've got a spelling test; he's the marshmallows in your hot chocolate and the sludge that forms on the bottom; he's the smell of ham right after you've take it out of the dryer; he's a pudding fight that steals into a French fry battle and escalates into a fish stick war. [sobs] Oh, Chum Chum! What've I done? I want my Chum Chum back!

Mechatech: I await your command!

Fanboy: "[mockingly] I await your command. I await your command." Is that all you can say!?

Mechatech: Pull my finger?

Fanboy: That is it! I'm trading you back right now! [grabs Mechatech by the arm which he accidentally pulls] Ooh...eh oh.

---

Fanboy: I'm sorry Chum Chum I lied to you. I... traded you to Yo so I could play with her Mechatech and now you're stuck in there forever.

Chum Chum: You're a bad, bad friend...but... [sobs] I'm gonna miss you!

Fanboy: I'm gonna miss you too, buddy...

Digital Pet Cemetary [1.4.1]

Chum Chum: I don't think Scampers has hatched from his cat egg yet.

Yo: Oh, silly Chum Chum. Scampers is one of my Yamagutchi digital pets, See?, All you do is press the buttons to play with him, clean him or feed him,. It's so easy. He'll beep to tell you what he needs.

Fanboy: Fear not, Yo, You can count on us.

Yo: Thanks guys, However, make sure you take good care of Scampers. Otherwise he'll power down. Well, see you.

Fanboy: Uh, How many cupcakes can one cat eat?

[Oz has defeated Scampers]

Fanboy: Oz, how did you know we were in trouble?

Oz: I was coming to show you my sweet viking costume when my horns picked up the distress signal.

Yo: Why didn't you just use the door?

Oz: It's called "making an entrance". Duh!

[Fanboy and Chum Chum giggle]

[Sometime later, they continue a conversation]

Oz: Yo was all like, "Why didn't you use the door?". And then I said, "It's called 'making an entrance'" that.

[Fanboy and Chum Chum giggle again]

Yo: [sarcastically] Yeah Oz, we remember.

Fanboy Stinks [1.4.2]

Fanboy: A horrible smell, you say? Is this the reek you seek!? [emits a huge stench]

Chum Chum: Ugh! You smell like a foot and Brussels sprouts had a baby...who pooped its diaper!

Fanboy: And how! You see, Chum Chum, modern man has forgotten what the caveman once knew. [his stench emerges] Stink good! [Chum Chum tries to spray him with water] Ah! What are you doing?

Chum Chum: I'm trying to hose off the stink!

I, Fanbot [1.5.1]

Mr. Mufflin: Or... [pulls down a poster of a bouncy house] this state-of-the-art bouncy house!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Bouncy!

Class: Oh yeah! Bouncy house!

Chum Chum: [leaps out of his seat] A bouncy house! [bounces around cutely] Bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house!

Mr. Mufflin: [looks at poster] Oh yes. , bouncy house, you will be mine...

---

Fanbot: [gasps as he sees himself in the mirror] Yes! I am a robot! I mean, [in a robotic voice] I am Fanbot. Dididididi. The world's most perfect creation [crushes Oz's collection of figurines]

---

Fanbot: But with great robotic power comes great robotic responsibility. It is up to I, Fanbot, to make sure that we all pass the test.

Oz: Wait, you did this to pass the test? Well then shouldn't we have put the robot brain in your body?

Fanbot: No, because then, I wouldn't have robot claws. Duh! Dididididi.

Chum Chum: Robot claws...!

Berry Sick [1.5.2]

Lenny: Didn't you see the people waiting outside?

Zombie Customers: Frosssssssty Frezzzzzy Frezzzzzze.

Mr. Mufflin: I just came here for a cup of coffee.

Lenny: They've been like that all day!

Chimp Chomp Chumps [1.6.1]

Boog: [enters classroom] <Imitaters Fanfare> and stuff. Hear ye! Hear ye! Presenting the most radical king of all that's awesomely sweet, [brings out Fanboy] Fanboy! And his main man, the high duke of funkedelikness, mixmaster [brings out Chum Chum] Chum Chum! [puts them on their seats] There. Piece of cake.

Fanboy: Good. Now the other thing.

Boog: Aw come on!

Chum Chum: Ticky ticky ticky!

Boog: Also, I like to do poopy, in my diaper. [class laughs] Shut up!

Fanboy: That's my little Boogie-boo! Now here's Boogie's little binky! [class laughs again]

---

[Fanboy, Chum Chum and Boog rush to the cinema, but arrive too late and get trampled by the crowd. Michael Johnson comes out]

Johnson: Chimp Chomp rocks! Whoohoo! That movie was bad! Shamoan!

[Chris Chuggy also comes out]

Fanboy/Chum Chum/Boog: We're too late?!?

Johnson: Not all you missed! Chimp Chomp was there in person, and he gave us our autographs, and monkey bites, and bags of money!

[The trio gasp in a fit of anger]

Fangboy [1.7.1]

Kyle: You. Are not. A vampire. If you were, the sunlight would destroy you.

Fanboy: Today was supposed to be overcast. Curse you, channel 5 weather center. You've turned me to dust.

Kyle: You're not a vampire, and thank goodness. The very thought of an immortal fanboy is almost too much to bear.

Fanboy: Immortal. Ooh, I like the sound of that. I just wish I knew what it meant.

Kyle: It means that you live forever. Read a book sometime, Why don't you?

---

Fanboy: Chum Chum, what's the matter?

Chum Chum: [while sobbing] You're gonna live forever without me...and you don't even care!

Moppy Dearest [1.9.2]

Chum Chum: Oh great, you found my cousin!

Muk Muk: [leaps onto Chum Chum] Muck muck!

Fanboy: Your cousin? You mean you really did have one?

Chum Chum: I told you silly. Fanboy, I'd like you to meet Muk Muk.

Muk Muk: Muck muck!

Fanboy: Oh, uh, hi, I'm Boyfan! [nervously giggles, does face palm] I mean I'm Fanboy. Did I just say I'm Boyfan? I'm Fanboy! Who would be named Boyfan? I mean, can you imagine such a thing? Why am I laughing so much? I love life! What can I say? Fanboy... [Muk Muk sniffs the hand he stretches out to her, she sneezes on it] I'll never wash this hand again...

---

[Fanboy sits on a bench outside school, sobbing]

Poopatine: Hey! What's the matter with you?

Fanboy: Well, if you must know, I lost my mop... And I don't know if I can get her back!

Poopatine: No! I meant I just painted the bench! Cant you read that sign? [Fanboy sees a sign on the bench saying "wet paint"]

Fanboy: You're right! I should fight for her! But what she doesn't take me back?

Poopatine: Get off this bench right now!

Fanboy: I'll never know unless I try.. I'll do it! [while shaking Poopatine's hand] Thanks Janitor Poopatine! [rushes back into the cafeteria] You're the best!

Norse-ing Around [1.10.1]

Fanboy: Oh, ahem, I am...

Thorvald: Don't tell me! That sunken skull - I would know it anywhere! You are Flathead! The human battering ram, who knocked down the great door of castle ragnor!

Fanboy: I also once tipped over a while rack of bikes.

Thorvald: [points to Chum Chum] And you! Stand stalwart and strong, though clearly your legs were pulled off by a fearsome 8-armed cracken. You are Half-legs! Long have the bards; sung your praises.

Chum Chum: Aww, stop...

The Janitor's Apprentice [1.10.2]

Fanboy: It's Janitor Poopatine!

Chum Chum: Poop! And he's driving a dumpster!

Poopatine: Huh? This is no dumpster! It's a highly advanced fully mechanized trash receptacle! I call it...the Dump Star!

Fanboy: Ooh, that's nice.

Excuse Me [1.11.1]

Mr. Mufflin: A note, huh? "Please...excuse...Fankylechum from Mr. Mufflin's class...forever. Flebepennene, merculeah." Well, this seems to be in order. [Fanboy, Chum Chum and Kyle giggle] Fan-Kyle-Chum!

Fankylechum: Present! [Fanboy, Chum Chum and Kyle loom on, horrified. He walks up to Mr. Mufflin]

Mr. Mufflin: Yup. Looks like you're free to go!

Fankylechum: Thank you! Now I can play recess forever! [Fanboy, Chum Chum and Kyle's jaws drop]

Night Morning [1.11.2]

Fanboy: Can you take a few follow-up questions?

Chum Chum: Sure.

Fanboy: Can you eat sweet potatoes? Can you play Chimp Chomp? Can you read comic books? Can you break dance? Can you talk to fish? Can you eat cheese through your ear? Can you chew gum whist walk?! Are there rocket cars? Are they red? Are there blueberries? Are they red? [unintelligible] Muh muh muh ma? Muh muh muh ma? [spits, still unintelligible] Muh muh muh ma? Muh muh muh ma?! Can you wear clown shoes? Can you drink pudding through a straw? Can you ride a dog like a horse? Are the banks open? [screaming over noise] Can you dance with mummies? [whispering] Can you get a good bagel? Does it rain hot gravy? [SLAM] Will a Sasquatch give back rubs? [SLAM] Does it rain hot gravy? Are there unlimited chicken drummettes? Do monkeys shine your shoes? Is Duke there?

Chum Chum: Well-

Fanboy: Can you eat electricity? Can you pet a live tiger? [slightly less crazed] Can you hand me some toilet paper? Can you wear white after labor day? Do the shrimp peel and eat themselves? Of course they do! What am I thinking? It’s Night-Morning!

Chum Chum: I don't know if you're intrested, but if you want, you can do Night-Morning with me.

Fanboy: [excitedly] ME? DO NIGHT-MORNING?!?

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha [1.12.1]

[Marsha approaches Fanboy]

Marsha: Hello, Fanboy. Remember me? It's Marsha.

Fanboy: Who? Come again?

Marsha: Marsssssssha.

Fanboy: Oh, sure. You're that-we used to-didn't we-you know, over by the um-yeah, I got nothing.

Marsha: [shows photo] Maybe this will refresh your memory. This is you, and that was me!!!

Fanboy: But that was marsha. She was all nice and sweet. And you're all...eh.

Marsha: That's because you ruined me!

[Flashback to years ago when Marsha was chipper]

Mr. Mufflin: One minute left. No pressure, kids, but your entire future depends on how you do on this test. Not that my prize pupil marsha has anything to worry about!

Fanboy: Hey, Chum Chum. Check me out!

Mr. Mufflin: Time's up. pass your tests forward.

Fanboy: [Sneezes on Marsha's test] Best of luck, Marsha.

[End of flashback]

Marsha: You ruined my test! I scored so low, they sent me back to kindergarten!

Secret Shopper [1.12.2]

Chum Chum: NOW who's gonna watch the Frosty Mart?!?

Fanboy: Not on MY WATCH! [smacks a fly]

Prank Master [1.13.1]

[Fanboy falls after Yo ties his shoelaces]

Yo: Yay! My first prank!

Fanboy: Beginners' luck, Yo.

Yo: Here, let me help you up! [electrocutes Fanboy as she does]

Fanboy: Got me again. You're a fast learner.

Yo: (hands Fanboy a cup of water) You look like you could use some water.

Fanboy: That would be...(a piranha bites Fanboy's nose) PIRANHA!!!!! (bangs his head on the floor than tosses the piranha off his nose) You got quite a street-going, Yo.

Yo: And I owe it all to you! (hands Fanboy a present) Here, I want you to have this present.

Fanboy: Oooh! I like... (Sprinkles jumps out of the box and attacks Fanboy)

Yo: Thanks a lot, Fanboy!

Fanboy: Eh, don't mention it. (Sprinkles attacks Fanboy again) Augh, watch the face!

Little Glop of Horrors [1.13.2]

Fanboy: Hey Kyle, it's Pizza Day! Come play "pizza monkeys" with us!

Kyle: [with disdain] You two are "pizza monkeys"? What do you do? Throw your...pooperoni?

Fanboy/Chum Chum: [hysterical laughter] Pooperoni!

Kyle: [sigh] I'm witty day after day, and this is what they laugh at?

---

[the boys are at their table, staring glumly at the glop in front of them]

Chum Chum: How does she expect us to eat this? It's burning my eyes just to look at it!

Kyle: You public school students are so soft. Why, at Milkweed Academy, I was once forced to consume a beaver stomach tartare in a swamp bilge ragout. This'll be like a spoonful of Turkish delight. [takes a spoonful, releasing a cloud of fart] Oh, my, I'm going to be unwell. [topples over]

Mrs. Cram: I hear it coming up, but I don't see it going down! START SLOPPING!!!! IT'LL MAKE YOU BIG AND STRONG!!!!! [lifts Fanboy and Chum Chum's table and then drops it to the ground]

---

[the students arrive with their empty trays]

Fanboy: Well, we're all done. We enjoyed all of it: the scooping it up, the chewing, the swallowing. Mm-mmm!

[Mrs. Cram notices that Fanboy's milk carton is shaking]

Mrs. Cram: Why's your milk carton vibrating?!

Fanboy:[Nervously] Uuuuuh, it's a milkshake?

Mrs. Cram: OPEN IT!!!

Fanboy: Uuuuuhhhh.... [all the glop explodes from the carton]

Lupe: Maybe we shouldn't have stuffed it all in one carton.

---

Kyle: Well, the rest of you can stay and gawk at your goop. I have ,on my possessions, a very large compendium of spell and charms. [Kyle's necronomicon comes to life] Necronomicon, I need you're help to make something disappear.

Necronomicon: Ooh!

[Kyle walks up to Mrs. Cram and gives her his empty tray]

Kyle: Thanks ever so for the nummy-nummies. Now, I'm off to do some light reading whilst thy digest.[Mrs. Cram swipes Kyle's necronomicon]

Mrs. Cram: Gimme that! Doesn't feel light to me! [shakes Kyle's necronomicon]

Necronomicon: No! No! Don't shake me! No, no!

Kyle: [nervously] Careful, that's a very delicate volume.

Necronomicon: Oh, oh! I think I'm going to... [Mrs. Cram faces the necronomicon to Kyle which pukes on him, Kyle then walks back to the table, head covered in glop, angry, and holding his necromicon] It appears that I have gone through my entire table of contents.

---

Fanboy: [jumps out of a pot] Knitting a sweater for the grandkid?

Mrs. Cram: It's for my cat! She's 55 lbs. of love! So, you finished your glop? It'll make you BIG AND STRONG!!!!

Fanboy: That's what I wanted to talk about, Mrs. Cram. May I call you Cramella? [Mrs. Cram has a blank face] Crama-lama-ding-dong? Okay, not budging with a name. I'll cut to the cheese. We'd like to go. You want us to stay here 'till our bones crumble to dust. I think there's a little upper ground, I'll just right down a number on how many minutes we can stay in this room. Does that sound like something you'd be interested in? [hands Mrs. Cram the paper]

Mrs. Cram: This isn't a number, it's a W.

Fanboy: You drive a hard bargon! I'll tell ya, I'll split my offer in half [tears the piece of paper in half] from a W to just a U.

Mrs. Cram: That's a V.

Fanboy: Look, if you're not even gonna negotiate!

Total Recall [1.14.1]

TV Announcer: It's time for "The Super Spy Adventures of Agent 08"! Tonight's episode: "License to Krill".

Fanboy: We love your show, Agent 08. Especially the episode when you jumped over that shark.

Chum Chum: Yeah, that’s when it really started to get good!

TV Announcer: We interrupt this episode of Agent 08 with breaking news. A new toy, by the name of Agent 08, has been found to be extremely dangerous.

Fanboy: Dangerous? Agent 08? What do they mean?

Chum Chum: [pries Agent 08 off his face just enough to eat a handful of popcorn] I dunno.

TV Announcer: We’ve received several reports that the toy has a tendency to explode!

Fanboy: That’s crazy. I think we would’ve noticed if it-[Agent 08 explodes] Agent 08? You... explode? AWESOME! [it explodes again, knocking the couch backwards]

TV Announcer: The toy company is sending out representatives to recall the toy.

Fanboy: [peering over couch] Wait, wait, my ears are still ringing. What did he just say?

Chum Chum: They're gonna take away our Agent 08!

Fanboy: Never! They’ll have to pry it from my cold red face!

Refill Madness [1.14.2]

Lenny: Where have you been? Your shift started 8 hours ago!

Boog: That reminds me, I gotta leave early, Sandy's getting fitted for new mudflaps.

---

Boog: [laughs] Oh, you are mine now, cup! [reaches his hand into an oven by mistake]

Chum Chum: Hot dogs! Hot dogs! Get 'em while they're hot!

Boog: [Scalds his hand and screams as he runs around the mart before letting his hand cool] [sigh of relief] The ancient healing powers of relish.

---

[The boys leap into Sandy with gum stuck to their legs]

Boog: [anxiously] Tell me you're not getting gum...on the carpet?

Fanboy: No, it's all on the seats.

---

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Refill! Refill! Refill! Refill! Refill!

Boog and Lenny: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The Frosty Bus [1.15.1]

Boog: [driving the Frosty Bus and hears a police siren] Aw man... the fuzz...

[Fanboy as a traffic police, driving Chum Chum as a motorbike. They catch up with Boog, with Fanboy standing by the bus door. Fanboy taps the windscreen which Boog nervously winds down]

Fanboy: [in a Texan accent] License and registration, sir.

Boog: What'd I do, officer? Was it that lady's garden gnomes I drove through? 'Cause I swear those little twerps started it!

Fanboy: I'll ask the question, sir. [Chum Chum comes next to Fanboy making noises which Fanboy stops] You one of them yankee fellas running Frosty Freezy Freeze down into these parts? Hmm?

Boog: Huh? I was just--

Fanboy: Don't you back-sass me! Well I guess I'm gonna have to confiscate all the Frost Freezy Freeze you got on board.

Boog: Whatever you say, officer! I don't want no trouble!

[Chum Chum sounds some kind of warning, prompting them to leave]

Fanboy: Looks like today's your lucky day. [rides off on Chum Chum]

The Tell Tale Toy [1.15.2]

Fanboy: Huh! If it's so? Where did you get such a cockamamie idea?

Chum Chum: Well...

[Flashback to many years ago]

Baby Chum Chum: You broke-ted my teddy bear!

Baby Fanboy: [Nibbles on a teddy's arm, spits it out] Sorry.

Baby Chum Chum: [Holds plate broken into half] You broke my Man-Arctica plate!

Baby Fanboy: [Hides a catapult behind his back] Sorry.

Baby Chum Chum: My tiny toy turtle!

Baby Fanboy: [While welding the turtle] Sorry.

[End of flashback]

Fanboy: Wow, you're right, I do break all of your stuff!

Cold War [1.16.1]

[Fanboy feels 'relieved' after a sneeze on Chum Chum]

Chum Chum: You did that on purpose!

Fanboy: Nuh uh! If I'd a done it on purpose, I would've done this! [Sneezes in slow-mo on Chum Chum really hard]

Chum Chum: [wipes face off] This ends now!

Fanboy: You are!

---

Kyle: Hello!? Why would I want to spend any time at all with you snot-filled troll babies!?

Fanboy/Chum Chum: 'Cause you're my best friend! [both gasp, then growl at one another]

Kyle: Your...best friend? Really, I don't know what to say...I... I always assumed you despised me as much as I despised you.

Sigmund the Sorcerer [1.17.1]

Oz: It's Him!

Cloud Sigmund: Wrong, Ze real Sigmund is over zere.

Oz: It's him!, It's him!

Sigmund: You've been dazzled by Sigmund Ze Sorcerer!

Oz: Ok, my mind is seriously freaked.

Cloud Sigmund: Zank you, zank you, you're too kind.

Sigmund: Kvit showboating!, Vait for me in ze trailer. Now Sigmund vill be available for ze signing uf ze DVDs und officially licensed merchan-dazzle.

Fanboy and Chum Chum: You know Sigmund?

Kyle: I'm afraid so. And let me tell you... [They use Kyle to knock the crowd out of the way and put him in front of Sigmund] ...only to make others feel sad about themselves. And I hope to never lay eyes upon him again! [Chum Chum pulls his eyelids open] Oh, hello, look who it is, Hello Sigmund.

Sigmund: Vell It isn't Kyle Ze Constipater.

Kyle: You know perfectly well it's Kyle The Conjurer.

---

Chum Chum: Could I get your autograph?

Sigmund: You already haff it, check ze insides uf your eyelids.

Chum Chum: [closes eyes to see Sigmund's autograph] Ooh whoa! I'll never open my eyes again.

Sigmund: So, Kyle Vhat haff you been up to since you vere kicked out uf ze Milkveed Academy for vizards?

Kyle: Ooh, where to start?, Well, um, I've had many remarkable achievements.

Chum Chum: Yeah, He's the first one to be hung from the flagpole by his braces.

Fanboy: Which was great, because we were already up there hanging from our underwear. I think that's the day we became best friends, Well, three days.

Sigmund: Hahahaha, Friends, Ha, Such happy for you. Say, Kyle, I'd love to catch up, Shall ve say, dinner at your place?

Kyle: I don't think my place is a good idea, It's a bit cramped, I mean, with trophies and accolades, engraved platters and such.

Sigmund: 6 O'clock it is, Dazzle you later.

Kyle: Oh, Kyle, I guess you really are that desperate. Ah, Sigmund, You're early and you have your own griffin.

Sigmund: It's ze new F class. F is for Ferocious.

Kyle: Yes, well, I'll just have my two elf assisants park it for you.

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Yes, Master Kyle, Right away.

Fanboy: I'm driving.

Sigmund: You haff elves to valet mein griffins, zat's unexpected.

Kyle: What's sort of successful wizard would I be, if I didn't have elf assistants?

Sigmund: Hmm, But I hope zey know how to drive schtick. Oh, Kyle, Vhat ein great little hovel. So tell me, Vhy did you choose to live in zis skvalor?

Kyle: Yes, Why did I choose such a shabby dump, Oh, because it was chosen for me by the young wizards' fellowship grant, Which I won.

Sigmund: Really?, I happen to be ze chair uf ze young vizards' fellowship board and I don't remember selecting you.

Necronomicon: Oh, Sigmund The Sorcerer, Ooh, I've read all your spells, Could you sign my back flap?

Kyle: Necronomicon, behave yourself.

Sigmund: It's understandable. He's never seen ein real vizard before, hmmm.

Necronomicon: Oh, thank you, thank you, You know, my cousin is screenplay.

Kyle: That's quite enough!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Griffin's parked, Master Kyle.

Sigmund: Oh, It's about time, I'm famished. Kyle, haff your elves conjure us some dinner, somezing simple, blackened pheasant under glass.

Kyle: You know, my elves prepare an exquisite tin of beans.

Fanboy: He wants blackened pheansant?, What luck, We parked the griffin next to a flock of pigeons.

Sigmund: Oh, baby pheasant, How unexpectedly posh. I suppose I could force it down, Ah, Ah-ha, Ah-ha!

Kyle: What are you doing?

Sigmund: Vhy is mein dinner not serving itself to me?, Your house is enchanted, is it not?

Kyle: Enchanted?

Sigmund: Ja, Enchanted. Teapots zat pours zeir own tea, napkins zat jump into your lap, knives zat cut vizout you holds zem enchanted!

Kyle: Oh my, look at that marvelous, enchanted bird. Why would anyone want to look anywhere else but there?

Fanboy: Light or dark meat, governor?

Sigmund: Dark, if you please, vith plenty uf gravy.

Sigmund: Vell, it seems you haff enchanted zings after all.

Kyle: Make sure you save room for dessert. I may have a don't make your own sundae bar.

Sigmund: You know, Kyle, I must say, I'm fery impressed vith you.

Kyle: Really?

Sigmund: You seem to haff it all: Enchanted poultry, charming vorking-class gravy bowl.

Kyle: I'd be lost without these two.

Sigmund: Lost, huh?, Sell zem to me.

Kyle: What?

Sigmund: Let's cut right to ze schnitzel, I'ff never been comfortable vith ze idea uf you being happy, So, I vish to buy your beloved servants.

Kyle: Well, well, so Kyle the constipater finally has something the great Sigmund wants. Well tough toads, They're not for sale.

Sigmund: I'll get you readmitted to Milkveed.

Kyle: Really?

Sigmund: I'm on ze board. Hehe.

Kyle: Sold!, I'll just go pack, Shall I?

Fanboy: Then that means?

Sigmund: You are Sigmund's new D.I.T.s, Dazzlers In Training.

Chum Chum: I'm gonna do sorcerery.

Sigmund: Ja, vell, Shall ve begin your training?

---

Fanboy: Oh don't feel bad, Kyle. You still have your friends.

Kyle: Uh... I suppose I am a winner after all.

Chum Chum: Group hug! [Kyle hugs the two still hanging upside down with dynamite. An explosion off screen with the words "THE END" as a result] You've been dazzled!

Fanboy A'hoy [1.17.2]

Fanboy: All righty, me hearties, if ye be ready for treasure, say "aye".

Everyone: Arr!

Fanboy: Close enough. Treasure, ho!

---

[The Fanlair is back atop its building]

Fanboy: Huh. I don't understand it. We dug up the whole town, but still no treasure. What arr we gonna do?

Chum Chum: I dunno, but we better do it soon. Me thinks the crew be getting restless.

[Fanboy notices his crew disgruntled. Kyle cracks his knuckles, while Fankylechum sharpens his axe on a grinding wheel]

Fanboy: Blow me down! There be mutiny in their eyes! We be done for!

Chum Chum: Uh...quick! Tell them about the treasure again!

Fan vs. Wild [1.18.1]

Chum Chum: Fanboy, is this the end?

Fanboy: I'm afraid so, little buddy...

[Both stare sadly at each other, their eyes full of luster. They run towards and tearfully hug each other.]

Chum Chum: I just want you to know you're the best friend anyone could've ever hoped for!

Fanboy: Not better than you, little buddy! I'll never forget you!

Chum Chum: And I'll never forget you!

[They distance themselves a bit and turn towards Kyle]

Fanboy: Oh, and of course Kyle, we can't forget him.

Kyle: Indeed, yes, good, show all the way around.

Fanboy: Boy, Chum Chum, can you believe after all we've been through, this is where it ends?

Chum Chum: Yeah, we had some good times, didn't we?

Fanboy: Boy, it feels like just yesterday we met...

[Flashback to preschool where they were very little]

Baby Fanboy: [toddles towards and waves at Chum Chum] Hi!

Baby Chum Chum: [pokes Fanboy's left eye] Eye!

[End of flashback]

Fanboy: We were so innocent...

Separation Anxiety [1.19.1]

Fanboy: Mr. Mufflin, please! Changing destiny, SPACE TIME CONTINUIM!!!

Mr. Mufflin: Yeah, yeah, fate of the universe.

The Book Report of the Dead [1.20.1]

Kyle:Oh, Mr. Mufflin! Fanboy didn't write his book report!

---

[after Zombie Mufflin vaporizes Kyle]

Kyle: Ow. I just got ash on my new trainers.

Man-Arctica the Ride [1.21.1]

Fanboy: I've been lying here for hours trying to figure out why I tied this string to my finger. I know it was to help me remember something, but what?!?

---

[Fanboy hits the celing and sees the Man-Arctica ride ad]

Fanboy: What's this? Man-Arctica presents: The Ice Scream Extreme, opening today?!? Chum Chum, come up here and high-five me!

Fan-bidextrous [1.21.2]

[Fanboy has finished reading the AmbiDexter comic]

Fanboy: Man, I wish I has two arms like that guy, think of all the amazing things I could do.

Chum Chum: Uh, Fanboy? You already have two arms.

Fanboy: Tcha, I wish!

Chum Chum: Uh, right there, buddy.

Fanboy: Ah! snake! snake!

Chum Chum: It's okay. it's okay, Fanboy. I'd like you to meet your left arm.

Fanboy: Oh, nice to meet you, left arm. Firm handshake. I like this guy.

Chum Chum: I've been trying to get you two together for a while.

Fanboy: Woah. I have two arms. I have two arms! Oh, this is gonna open up a whole new world of possibility!

Jingle Fever [1.22.2]

[At beginning of episode]

Lenny: [finds an ad about the Jingle Contest] Write the winning jingle for the Frosty Mart and win a million Frosty Bucks? What?!? [sips] They're gonna let- [sips] our customers write the jingle? [sips] But they're all idiots.

[Fanboy and Chum Chum enter and preform their Dollar Dance]

Fanboy: Double D-

Chum Chum: To the O-

Fanboy: With a double L-

Chum Chum: and an A-

Fanboy: and an R-

Fanboy/Chum Chum: What's that spell? Dollar, uh-huh, uh-huh! Dollar, uh-huh, uh-huh!

Fanboy: Listen up yal, cause it's time to do...the Dollar Dance!

Chum Chum: What dance?

Fanboy: The Dollar Dance!

Fanboy/Chum Chum: The Dollar Dance!

Fanboy: First you get a dollar...

Chum Chum: A nice, crispy dollar...

Fanboy: And you shake it in the air like you just don't care!

Chum Chum: I don't care!

Fanboy: And wiggle it about, and turn it all around...

Chum Chum: Around!

Fanboy: Cause now you just did...

Fanboy/Chum Chum: The Dollar Dance!

Fanboy: Say what?

Fanboy/Chum Chum: The Dollar Dance! THE DOLLAR DANCE!!!

Battle of the Stands [1.23.2]

Fanboy: So come on, what's their secret? Why are they selling so much lemonade?

Dollar-nator: Don't rush me. It's a process. [he swirls in the cup] Good legs, [then sniffs it] nice bouquet, [inserts the cup in his mouth and processes it] identifying component ingredients... Artificial lemon flavoring, sugar substitute substitute, imitation water... Analysis...horrible! [spits the lemonade]

---

Fanboy: You see, I can explain. Because...uh...well... [rips off Yo's hair] this isn't Yo's real hair!

Yo: Oh, Yeah? Well...Chum Chum's left leg isn't real! [Chum Chum's leg springs.]

Chum Chum: Oh yeah? Well...Lupe's really a robo-droid being operated by a smaller Lupe!

Mini Lupe: Pay no attention! Pay no attention!

Lord of the Rings [1.24.1]

Fanboy: Hang on, Kyle! I'll pull you up!

Kyle: No! I'd rather plummit to my demands than go on without learning that stupid ring trick.

Fanboy: That's crazy! You fall into lava just because you don't know how to rotate your wrist a quarter turn and gently pull?!? [realizes he revealed the secret] Oh, no.

Kyle: [discovers it all came back to him] You mean like this? [turns the ring and pulls. It comes loose] I did it! I truly am the lord of the rings! [falls into the lava pit below him] Oh, poop.

The Great Bicycle Mystery [1.25.2]

Lenny: [cycling past Fanboy and Chum Chum] Top of the morning, guys!

Chum Chum: Who was that?

Fanboy: It looks like Lenny. But he's smiling, so...I'm not sure.

---

Fanboy: No one's going anywhere. This is a crime scene! [horror sting] And as all of you were in the store today, you all had opportunity! So you're all suspects! [horror sting, all do not react] I like mayonnaise! [horror sting] That is so cool! All right. One of you is the guilty party in...The Great Bicycle Mystery! [no horror sting] Nothing? Yeah I guess we should just get to it. Now Chumshoe and I are not going to rest until we find out who done it!

Chum Chum: Who "did it", sir.

Fanboy: My partner is as particular about grammar as he is about justice. Good work. Any clues?

---

Dollarnator: [telling his story] I'd only knew the day had come. The rise of the machine!

A Bopwork Orange [1.26.1]

Boog: Did I write "lollipops"? 'Cause today's special is lolli-bops!

Freeze Tag [1.26.2]

[Fanboy and Chum Chum see everyone on the streets frozen]

Chum Chum: Oh boy. Not good.

Fanboy: Yeah, we should go now.

Chum Chum: It's everyone we know!

Fanboy: Not everyone; at least Kyle made it out.

Man-Arctica: [shows up with Kyle frozen to his broomstick] Wanna lick from my Fop-sicle?

Season 2

Gameboy [2.2.1]

Fanboy: "Release Monkey"? I wonder what that does. [presses button, Chimp Chomp comes out] Oh, that releases the monkey. AAAAAAHHHHHH! Monkey, monkey on my head! Monkey on my head! get it off! Get it off! [it jumps off his head] I don't believe it, Chimp Chomp's real!

Chum Chum: We'd better get him back in the game before Boog finds out!

Crib Notes [2.2.2]

Fanboy: Aww, what's wrong, baby Kyle?

Baby Kyle: I don't know, seems like I'm not suffically infugtitiged.

Fanboy: Baby Kyle, we barely can understand, you're baby gibberish!

Baby Kyle: I'm not tired!

Chum Chum: Maybe the baby wants to be helded.

Fanboy: Does sombody want to go uppums?

Baby Kyle: Yes, yes, I wish to be held.

Back From the Future [2.3.2]

Lenny: I don't have time to explain! I'm you, you me, me you, from the future! In 1 minute, 2 very annoying boys are gonna enter this store. Do not, under any circumstance, give them a Frosty Freezy Freeze!

Lenny, 5 years ago: Oh but I can't do that because-

Lenny: Do it and you'll become assistant manager!

Lenny, 5 years ago: I'll make sure no one gets a Frosty Freezy Freeze!

---

Baby Fanboy and Chum Chum: Excuse me, could you direct us to the library?

Boog: Can I interest you in a bop instead!? [the boys hug each other in fear. Boog 'bops' up a small rack of tiny Frosty Freezy Freezes]

Baby Fanboy and Chum Chum: Wow! What are those?

Boog: An array of our tastiest beverages. Yours to sample and enjoy. No purchase necessary!

Baby Chum Chum: What do these letters on the cup say?

Baby Fanboy: Who cares? I love this drink and I don't love letters! [they leave with a tiny Frosty Freezy Freeze each]

Lenny: No! What are you doing!? I said to bop them! Bop them!

Boog: Yeah! B.O.P. - Bring Out Products!

Tooth or Scare [2.4.1]

Kyle: Step 1: Sprinkle anti-fairy dust on the floor. Good. [sings] Fairy, be gone! Fairy, be gone! Fairy, be gone! Done. Step 2: Knock three times. Okay, that's easy. [knocks on the coffee table three times]

Fanboy: I'll get it!

Kyle: No!

[Fanboy opens the door, the tooth fairy enters, outraged.]

Fanboy: Kyle, it's for you.

The Big Bopper [2.4.2]

Boog: I'm gonna bop you so bad! [he charges and gets bopped, with the "BOP" title as a result

Lupe: Aye, boppee.

Present Not Accounted For [2.5.1]

Fanboy: Why so perky this morning, Chum?

Chum Chum: Ha ha ha! Like I would know that it's my... B to the I to the R-T-H, D to the A to the Y-Y-Y, WHY?!? CAUSE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Fanboy: Well, birthday song. I haven't heard that since the last time it was your birthday...it's your birthday...horray.

Chum Chum: You didn't forget, did you?

---

Classmates: Happy Birthday, Chum Chum!

Mr. Mufflin: B to the I to the R-T-H, D to the A to the Y-Y-Y, WHY?!? CAUSE IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!

---

Kyle: And now, for your birthday enjoyment...

Chum Chum: Ooh! The entertainment's starting!

Kyle: May I present, Kyle, the Conjurer. [crowd cheers]

Chum Chum: Ooh, Kyle! I didn't know you did magic. Can you make a penny come outta my nose?

Kyle: Since it's your birthday, I'll ignore that. And instead... [the lights go out as he begins his speech] preform magic, so dark, it will force you mere mortals to weep before me and bow down in awe of my infinate power! [he disappears, then reappears as the lights come back and the crowd cheers] Thank you. Thank you.

Chum Chum: Ooh. Now can you pour milk into a newspaper?

Kyle: Eh-heh, for my next trick, I had something grander in mind. I would now like too...

Fanboy: Make someone disappear? Done! [he leaves to focus on the gift]

Kyle: Huh? I was going to summon a dragon to paint your name in fire.

Chum Chum: I want a balloonvelope.

The Sword in the Throne [2.5.2]

Poopatine: No! Stop! This stall is forbidden!

Fanboy: I don't know who this "Bidden" is, but right now, it's for Fanboy! [he and Chum Chum enter the bathroom]

Poopatine: No! Wait! Nonononononono! [the door closes]

Kids in the Hall [2.8.2]

[The Hall Monitors catch everyone running amok]

Fanboy: EVERYBODY, SLOW DOWN!!!

[everyone stops]

Fanboy: NOW, GIRLS TO THE LEFT--

Fanboy: AND BOYS TO THE RIGHT!

Fanboy: AND KEEP THAT SKATEBOARD OUTTA SIGHT! Hey, that rhymed.

Field Trip of Horrors [2.9.2]

Chum Chum The Glop Mines, where we see where food comes from? I don't wanna see! I DON'T WANNA SEE!!!

Fanboy: Shh. It's okay, Chum Chum. I'll poke your eyes out.

Chum Chum: Promise me?

Mrs. Cram: Quiet back there!