Galaxy Quest

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Galaxy Quest is a 1999 film: a parody of Star Trek and the cult following and conventions it has spawned. The movie is about the washed-up stars of a fictional 1978–1982 TV series called Galaxy Quest and an alien race (the Thermians) who, having no concept of fiction, believe it to be a "historical document." The Thermians have modeled every aspect of their society on the show, including building a fully functional replica of the show's ship, the NSEA Protector. The actors subsequently join the crew of the real Protector, with the Thermians under the impression that the actors really are their characters, to try and stop General Sarris, a villain who threatens to destroy the Thermians.

Directed by Dean Parisot. Screenplay by David Howard and Robert Gordon.
"Never give up, never surrender!" Taglines

Dane[edit]

Sir Alexander Dane: (completely deadpan) By Grabthar's Hammer... what a savings.

Dialogue[edit]

Gwen DeMarco: [watching the fans' reaction to Nesmith] You've got to admit, they really do love him.
Tommy Webber: Yeah, almost as much as he loves himself.

Guy Fleegman: [manning the sensor station] Hey, guys, th–there's a red-uh thingy moving toward the green thingy.
Jason Nesmith: What?
Guy Fleegman: [helpless] Red thingy...moving toward the green thingy. I think we're the green thingy!

[Tommy is trying to steer the ship through a minefield]
Alexander Dane: Could you possibly try not to hit every single one?
Tommy Webber: Sorry man, they're drifting towards us! I think they're magnetic.

[The actors are flying a shuttle to an alien planet]
Guy Fleegman: [whimpering] I changed my mind, I wanna go back.
Alexander Dane: After all the fuss you made about getting left behind?
Guy Fleegman: Yeah, but that's when I thought I was the crewman that stays on the ship and something is up there and it kills me. But now I'm thinking I'm the guy that gets killed by some monster five minutes after we land on the planet.
Jason Nesmith: You're not going to die on the planet, Guy.
Guy Fleegman: I'm not? Then what's my last name?
Jason Nesmith: It's, uh, uh -- I don't know.
Guy Fleegman: Nobody knows. You know why? Because my character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in.
Gwen DeMarco: Guy, you have a last name.
Guy Fleegman: Do I??!! Do I??!! For all you know, I'm "Crewman #6"! [puts his head on Gwen's shoulder and cries] Mommy! Mommy!
Alexander Dane: [wearily] Are we there yet?

[The shuttle has landed and Fred is opening the hatch]
Guy Fleegman: Hey! Don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there air? You don't know! [gulps in a breath and holds it]
Fred Kwan: [calmly sniffs the air and takes a few panting breaths] Seems OK...

[Jason is being menaced by a huge rock monster]
Tommy Webber: Go for the eyes, like in episode 22!
Jason Nesmith: It doesn't have any eyes, Tommy!
Tommy Webber: Well, then go for the throat or something, its vulnerable spots!
Jason Nesmith: It's a rock! It doesn't have any vulnerable spots!
Guy Fleegman: I know! You construct a weapon. Look around you – can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?
Jason Nesmith: A LATHE?! GET OFF THE LINE, GUY!!

Fred Kwan: We gotta turn off that valve. Their oxygen's almost gone.
Guy Fleegman: Listen...I'll go in. I'll create a distraction. I got this [ brandishes an oversize alien gun], I'm OK. I might be able to hold them back long enough for the aliens to escape.
Fred Kwan: That's suicide!
Guy Fleegman: I'm just a glorified extra, Fred, I'm a dead man anyway. If I gotta die, I'd rather go out a hero than a coward.
Fred Kwan: Guy– Guy, maybe you're the plucky comic relief, you ever think about that?
Guy Fleegman: Plucky?
Fred Kwan: Besides, [goofy laugh] I just had this really interesting idea...yeah, let's go.
Guy Fleegman: Are you stoned?

[the actors battle Sarris' ship]
Gwen DeMarco: Armor almost gone Jason!
Sarris: You fool! You fail to realize that with your armor gone my ship will tear through yours like tissue paper!
Jason Nesmith: And what you fail to realize is my ship is dragging mines! [the Protector is shown to have mines trailing it]
Sarris: Oh no! Turn, turn!
[Sarris quickly does something on a console as the mines slam into his ship and destroy it. The actors cheer]

Gwen DeMarco: (upon seeing the chompers for the first time) Fuck that!!
{re-dubbed to "Screw that!" to keep the rating PG)

Gwen DeMarco: What is this thing? There's no useful purpose for there to be a bunch of chompy, crushy things in the middle of a hallway!
Jason Nesmith: Gwen—
Gwen DeMarco: No! I mean, we shouldn't have to do this! It makes no logical sense! Why is it here?
Jason Nesmith: Because it's on the television show.
Gwen DeMarco: Well, forget it! I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!

[the actors engage Sarris' ship]
Sarris: How adorable! The actors are going to play WAR with me. Let me remind you, sonny! I AM A GENERAL. If you are counting on me to blink, then you are making a serious mistake!
Jason Nesmith: Well, let me tell YOU something, Sarris! It doesn't take a great actor to recognize a bad one. You're sweating!

Brandon's Mom: Where are you going with those fireworks?
Brandon Wheegan: Well, the Protector got super-accelerated coming out of the black hole and just, like, nailed the atmosphere at Mach 15, which you guys know is pretty unstable, obviously, so we're gonna help Laredo guide it on the vox ultra-frequency carrier and use Roman candles for visual confirmation.
Brandon's Mom: Uh, all right– dinner's at seven. [Brandon leaves and she turns to Brandon's father, who seems distracted after Brandon's odd statement] Well, at least he's outside.

Voiceover: Now, back again after 18 years, the new adventures of Galaxy Quest.

Taglines[edit]

  • Never give up, never surrender!
  • The show has been cancelled... but the adventure is just beginning.
  • A comedy of galactic proportions.
  • By Grabthar's Hammer, by the sons of Warvan, you shall be avenged.
  • All systems are functioning Commander.
  • Pedal to the metal, Commander.
  • Are we there yet?

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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