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- Early to Bed and Early to Rise is a Bad Rule for any one who wishes to become acquainted with our most Prominent and Influential People.
- True Bills (1904)
- "Whom are you?" he said, for he had been to night school.
- Bang! Bang! (1928)
- In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of entertainment.
- Cosmopolitan Magazine, February 1928
- She was a soprano of the kind often used for augmenting grief at a funeral.
- The music teacher came twice a week to bridge the awful gap between Dorothy and Chopin.
- A Piker always has his entire Stock of Goods in the Show Window.
- The Fable of the Wise Piker Who Had the Kind of Talk That Went
- Moral: In uplifting, get underneath.
- The Fable of the Good Fairy with the Lorgnette, and why She Got it Good
- Moral: It all depends.
- The Fable of the Parents who Tinkered with the Offspring
- Moral: Don't try to Account for Anything.
- The Fable of the Caddy who Hurt His Head While Thinking
- MORAL: If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.
- The Fable of the General Manager of the Love Affair Who Demanded a Furlough, Forty Modern Fables (1901)
- MORAL: When Wealth walks in at the Door, the Press Agent comes in through the Window.
- The Through Train, Knocking the Neighbors (1912)