[first lines] Solomon: [voiceover] Xenia, Ohio. Xenia, Ohio. A few years ago, a tornado hit this place. It killed the people, left and right. Dogs died. Cats died. Houses were split open, and you could see necklaces hanging from branches of trees. People's legs and neck bones were sticking out. Oliver found a leg on his roof. A lot of people's fathers died, and were killed by the great tornado. I saw a girl fly through the sky, and I looked up her skirt. Her skull was smashed. And some kids died. My neighbor was killed in that house. He used to ride bikes and three-wheelers. They never found his head. I always thought that was funny. People died in Xenia. Before dad died, he had a bad case of the diabetes.
Tummler: [voiceover] I knew a guy who was dyslexic, but he was also cross-eyed, so everything came out right.
Tummler: When I sit down to eat, I get sexy! When I go to bed, I get hungry! I saw a man lying in the street, and I said, "Can I help you?" He said, "No. I just found a parking space. Now I'm waiting for my wife to go buy a car!"
Solomon: Is she dead? Tummler: She's alive on that machine.
Solomon: Do you love me? Cassiday: Yes. Solomon: Do you think I'm attractive? Cassiday: No. You look fine just the way you are - skinny.
Eddie: I take Ritalin, this kind of prescription drug. It's not like a drug that fucks you up. If anything, it makes you normal.
Tummler: I'm pretty smart, if I say so myself. Huntz: Why is that? Tummler: This afternoon, we walked into a fruit store, and the clerk thinks I'm some out-of-town hick. "Those apples will be two bucks each," he tells me. That's where I outsmarted him. I pass over a five. And as he's about to give me a dollar change, I say, "Keep it, we're even. On the way in, I stepped on a grape."
Cowboy #1: This shitty-ass rabbit stinks! Cowboy #2: I know. Cowboy #1: He smells like pussy! He smells like an asshole! Cowboy #2: [to Bunny Boy, the "rabbit"] Hey, motherfucker! Cowboy #1: Smells like wetback dick! Cowboy #2: They smell like a pound of bullshit!
Tummler's Father: That little girl from Salt Lake City / Two quart legs and two rubber titties / Loves electricity, but she burns off gas / Got a V8 pussy and a Cadillac ass.
[Tummler is aiming his BB gun at a cat] Solomon: You got this one? Tummler: Yep. Solomon: [looks at the cat, and lowers Tummler's BB gun] Don't kill the bitch. It's a house cat. [the cat runs off] Tummler: It's a lesbian cat. You can tell. Solomon: Looks like my mom.