Happiness (1998 film)
Happiness is a 1998 black comedy film written and directed by Todd Solondz.
- Pussy...need pussy...
- I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you'll be coming out of your ears. Fuck you...
- You think I don't appreciate art? You think I don't understand fashion? You think I'm not hip? You think I'm pathetic? A nerd? A lard-ass fat-so? You think I'm shit? Well, you're wrong, 'cause i'm champagne, and you're shit. Until the day you die, you, not me, will always be shit!
- I want kids that love me as much as I hated my mother.
- It's just I'm... I'm so tired of being admired all the time. All these men I mean... they're all beautiful, artistic minds, great sex, the whole package, but hollow, you know what I mean? I feel nobody's really honest with me. Nobody wants me for me.
- Y'know, people are always putting New Jersey down. None of my friends can believe I live here. But that's because they don't get it: I'm living in a state of irony.
- If only I had been raped as a child! Then I would know authenticity!
- How come no matter how much you treat me like shit, I can't help loving you even more?
- Allen: I don't know I could ever really begin to talk to her. I mean what can I talk about? I have nothing to talk about, I'm boring. And I know, I've been told before so don't tell me it's not true, 'cause it's a fact. I bore people. People look at me and they get bored, people listen to me and they zone out... bored. 'Who is that boring person?', they think. 'I've never before met anyone so boring'. And I'm for her to see how boring I am.
- Bill Maplewood: [to self, while pretending to listen] Gallon of skim milk. Dozen eggs. One of those disposable cameras for this weekend. I gotta stop at the 7-11 on the way home. I gotta get the dry cleaning for Trish. I gotta check Billy's homework, and call Mrs. Mitchell about her appointment on Tuesday. I gotta reschedule the dentist, get the dog cleaned...
- Helen Jordan: Anyway, so the police came and looked in her freezer and found baggies filled with the doorman's genitals.
- Mona Jordan: I use baggies.
- Joy Jordan: Me too.
- Helen Jordan: Everyone uses baggies, that's why we can all relate to this crime. Don't you see?
- Joe: What do you think would happen if I got him a professional... you know...
- Bill: A professional?
- Joe: Hooker. You know, the kind that can teach things... first-timers, you know... break him in.
- Bill: But Joe, he's 11.
- Joe: [sighs] You're right, you're right. It's too late.
- Vlad: I love New Jersey.
- Joy: Don't you miss Russia?
- Vlad: Fuck the cunt of Russia.
- Joy: Well, I guess it's best to feel that way.
- [Billy tries to talk to Bill about his arrest for child molestation]
- Billy: Dad, did you, um... with Johnny Grasso and Ronald Farber?
- Bill: [long, pained pause] Yes.
- Billy: What did you do?
- Bill: I touched them.
- Billy: What do you mean, "touched"?
- Bill: I fondled them.
- Billy: What for?
- Bill: I couldn't help myself.
- Billy: What...what else?
- Bill: I unzipped myself.
- Billy: You mean, masturbated?
- Bill: No.
- Billy: Then, what?
- Bill: I... made love...
- Billy: What do you mean?
- Bill: I... fucked them.
- Billy: What was it like?
- Bill: It was... it was great.
- Billy: Would you... would you do it again?
- Bill: [choking up] Yes.
- Billy: [fighting tears] Would you ever fuck me?
- Bill: No. I'd jerk off instead.
- [Billy breaks into tears]
- Helen: I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you.
- Joy: But I'm not laughing.