In Plain Sight

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In Plain Sight (2008– ) is an American drama television series on USA Network about a Federal Marshal with the Witness Protection program who must hide her high-risk, high-impact job from her family.

Contents

[edit] Opening

  • Since 1970, the Federal Witness Protection Program has relocated thousands of witnesses, some criminal, some not, in neighborhoods all across the country. Every one of those individuals shares a unique attribute, distinguishing them from the rest of the general population; and that is somebody wants them dead.

[edit] Season 1

[edit] Pilot [1.01]

Marshall: As I was saying, imagery and metaphor have been used to sell projects forever.
Mary: Please, Jesus, take me now.
Marshall: Take the Ford Mustang, for instance. It's named for a powerful and agile animal, qualities we also seek in an automobile. It's called transference.
Mary: Okay, what about my Probe? Exactly what image is that supposed to transfer? Because all I'm getting is a paper dress, metal stirrups, and legs akimbo. Exactly what was the thought process behind that marketing coup? Say, Bob, what's a metaphor for an invasive, somewhat humiliating procedure, because we really need something to compete with the Chevy Speculum.
Marshall: Are you going to be like this all day?
Mary: Like what?
Marshall: [Makes cat fighting noise]
Mary: Guess it depends on how long it's going to be my birthday.
Marshall: All day.
Mary: There you go.
Mary : [Voiceover] The Federal Witness Protection Program is the most secretive organization in all of law enforcement. We do not talk about what we do. Not to friends, not to family, not even to other U.S. Marshals. Which is why my mother, my sister, and even my boyfriend, who by the way isn't really my boyfriend, all think I'm a glorified messenger with a gun. And why Marshall and I work on the roof of the Sunshine Building, while the rest of the U.S. Marshals reside in the Pete Domenici Federal Courthouse, with their mahogany desks, crystal chandeliers and butlers.
Mary: I just want to wash the stench of this day off and go to bed.
Marshall: I know, but there are about sixty people in there hiding behind furniture, just waiting for you to open the door so they can jump up and say surprise.
Mary: Yuck.
Marshall: Come on, it's your birthday. This isn't about you. Now get ready to act surprised.
Mary: All right, all right.
Marshall: That's my girl.

[edit] Hoosier Daddy [1.02]

Mary: Stan, I suck with kids.
Marshall: So? You suck with grownups, too.
[Mary hits him on the arm]
[Marshall returns hit to Mary's arm]
Mary: Ow! I can't believe you'd hit a girl!
Marshall: You're no girl.
Mary: How many times a week do people tell you you suck?
Arlo Meyers: Are you going to let her speak to me like this?
Stan: It seems like a valid question.
Mary: [After walking in the front door of McRoy's home] Chrome and glass. Kind of cliche for a drug dealer, no?
Mary: I might have a problem.
Marshall: You think this is new information?
Mary: I don't think I can turn him over.
Marshall: Okay, but you're going to have to feed him and take him for walks.
Mary: I'm serious, Marshall. They'll kill him.
Marshall: I know. Just tell me what you need.
Mary: Okay. Thanks.
Marshall: [Flippantly] Uh-huh.
Mary: Listen to me. Forget about everything else and just tell the truth. It's all going to work out the way it's supposed to, okay?
Leo Billups: Yeah, and what if the way it's supposed to work out sucks?
Mary: Listen to me. Everything's going to be okay. Do you trust me?
Leo Billups: Like I have a choice. [Walks into the judge's chambers]
Mary: I finally meet a guy that gets me and he's ten.

[edit] Never The Bride [1.03]

Mary: God, I hate con-artists. Even more than murderers.
Mary: Now then, I want you to understand something. This program is an opportunity very few people get. A shot at fresh start; a do-over of your entire life, but it only works if you make the decision to be a better human being than you've been and allow the possibility of something greater for yourself. And as impossible as it may seem, I've seen bigger scumbags than you do just that and make it stick.
Deandra Bevins: Welcome to my home, Mary, and please call me Dee. Only my son's whores are required to call me Deandra.
Mary: What are you doing?
Marshall: What? Nothing. I'm doing my job, keeping my eye on things.
Mary: Look at me.
Marshall: No. Why?
Mary: Because I'm talking to you. Oh my God. You can't look at me. Marshall, for God's sake. It's not like I'm naked.
Marshall: Naked would be better. That makes me feel so dirty.
Mary: Good Lord. Watch the door, Purvis.

[edit] Trojan Horst [1.04]

Mary: Marshall. Marshall! Can you hear me?
Marshall: I must have bumped my head.
Mary: Yeah, that's what happened. Then you fell on a bullet.
Marshall: Huh?
Mary: You doofus, you got shot.
Marshall: Oh, crap.
Mary: What do you think?
Marshall: I think if that really was Lola, she knows this is her only shot at Mr. Personality before he talks to the feds.
Mary: Which means she's coming back.
Marshall: Dun, dun, duh.
Mary: That's pretty funny for a guy with a sucking chest wound.
Marshall: I know.
Mary: How are we doing?
Marshall: Tension pneumothorax.
Mary: That's funny. I was just going to say that.
Marshall: Tube thorocostomy.
Mary: Marshall, if I'm going to help you, you need to speak English.
Marshall: No. Not exactly. Look, it's nothing like what you think.
Mary: Oh yeah? Well you should probably explain, because I'm pretty confused. I know you love the job and I thought you—I thought we were friends.
Marshall: We are. You're my best friend.
Mary: Jesus, Marshall, you're like my only friend.
Marshall: I know, and you're like my only friend.
Mary: So? Sounds like a pretty good arrangement. What's the problem?
Marshall: The problem with us is—
Mary: Please just tell me.
Marshall: I feel like I'm the keeper of this exotic animal, and I spend my time either protecting you from the world or the world from you. And it's just—it's a lot of responsibility.
Mary: I'm sorry. But that's your job. [Kisses him on the cheek] And you cannot quit.
Marshall: Okay.
Horst Vanderhof: What's she doing? Where's she going?
Marshall: She's going to kill them before they kill us.

[edit] Who Shot Jay Arnstein [1.05]

Mary: [Voiceover] Funny how things like mortgage payments and a desire to not eat cat food can get between a person and their principles. Damn, I hate principles.
Mary: [Voiceover] If there's one thing working in witness protection has taught me it's that people hate change. Oh, we all say we want to change; get thinner, quit smoking, learn to speak Portuguese, but we don't. For better or worse, our habits define us. We turn the pages of the same tattered script over and over, clinging to our well rehearsed routines like barnacles, and nothing rankles us more than having to learn new lines.
Marshall: What exactly is your beef with humanity?
Mary: I have no beef with humanity. It's people I can't stand.
Mary: [On the phone] Hey, Stan, it's Mary. Imagine my surprise when Kay Swenson showed up drunk at Jay Arnstein's gallery and got into a fistfight with Marci Arnstein. Who could have possibly predicted that deceiving a witness and helping her husband commit adultery with his tramp mistress would end badly? You'd have to be a genius to see that one coming, right? Anyway, Stan, I'll need immediate relocation authorization. Call me! Bye!
Detective Dershowitz: Okay, what is taking you so long? Can't you go any faster?
Mary: I could, but then I'd miss the fun of watching you lapse into hysteria.

[edit] High Priced Spread [1.06]

Marshall: Man, every time I walk into a gym it gets my blood up.
Scott Worley: Oh, did you play?
Marshall: Badminton. We played our tournaments here. See this scar? Shuttlecock injury. Ended my career.
Scott Worley: Is he kidding?
Mary: I don't know. Either way, it's pathetic.
Scott Worley: Excuse me. [Leaves]
Mary: Way to work shuttlecock into the conversation, jackass.
Marshall: It's one of the funnier words.
Mary: Hey there, Socrates. What brings you to these hallowed halls? Boning up on your philosophy? Taking an oral exam? Having sex with your old professor?
Marshall: Okay, get it out of your system.
Mary: Look at you. All blushy.
Jinx: [Holding an old photograph of Mary and her father] Look at this one. I think you were four, maybe five here.
Mary: I don't remember this.
Jinx: You father hit corner at Belmont, went shopping at Berghoff's. Eight dollars for a little girl's dress. I almost killed him. The way he fawned. Isn't that crazy? A mother being jealous of her four-year-old daughter.
Mary: One way or another, I am going to nail that guy. I mean literally, nail him, fillet his hide to a tree, spread it with jam and watch the squirrels go to town.
Mary: He called me ma'am.
Marshall: Yeah, but he was looking down your shirt when he said it.
Mary: Why are you being so nice to me?

[edit] Iris Doesn't Live Here Anymore [1.07]

Mary: [Voiceover] I think my least favorite phrase in the human language is "I'm sorry." Nine times out of ten when a person says they're sorry, they're really only sorry they got caught, and now want me to forgive them for something I'm still pissed off about. Which puts me in the unhappy position of either saying, "Up yours" and looking like a total bitch, or saying, "I forgive you" and feeling like a total schmuck.

[edit] Don of the Dead [1.08]

Mary: Please explain, in God's name, why you two don't get a divorce. You make each other miserable. Please don't say it's because you're catholic. Lots of catholics get divorced these days. Hell, I'm catholic, I plan on getting divorced one day.
Donald Ferguson: It'll be a lucky man who divorces you.
Mary: Damn straight.
Mary: He was one of the few truly good, selfless people I've ever met.
Marshall: You know, Ayn Rand's central thesis posits that selflessness is antithetical to good.
Mary: A hundred bucks says you die a lonely old man.
Donald Ferguson: Shhhhh.
Mary: What?! I just spent two days running all over creation thinking you were kidnapped or dead! Half the hobos in Albuquerque are in mourning and Cook's facing murder charges, and you have the balls to shush me?

[edit] Good Cop, Dead Cop [1.09]

Marshall: You can stop thinking whatever it is you're thinking.
Robert Eps: Oh, come on, man. You mean to tell me you have a partner that looks like that and you still get pissy when guys check her out? Maybe you're the one who needs to stop thinking what you're thinking.
Marshall: Why don't you go on home?
Mary: Nope.
Marshall: I don't get it. So what if your mom showed up unannounced. She just wanted to surprise you.
Mary: There are two kinds of surprises, Marshall: birthday and Pearl Harbor. Guess which category the "mom surprise" falls under? It doesn't matter. I hate them both.
Marshall: Well you can't stay here forever.
Mary: No, but I think I can do a week. I bet if I don't show up for a week she'll run out of food and booze and leave.
Mary: Wow. It looks like somebody kicked the crap out of you.
Det. Roxanne Lewis: You hit like a girl.
Mary: Thanks, you too.
Det. Dershowitz: Let's not start accusing people until we have the proper evidence.
Mary: Wow. Talk about the cop calling the kettle black. That's funny. That never sounded racist until now. My bad.

[edit] To Serge with Love [1.10]

Mary: He thinks he's got a shot with me.
Marshall: [Speaking to their witness] You have no shot. In fact, Joe Stalin's rotting corpse has a better chance of getting into her bryuki than you do.
Mary: Aw. You can be so sweet sometimes.
Mary: Tasha's so excited for me to meet her new boyfriend. It's really sweet. Oh, God. I hope we didn't miss him. I don't know why I'm always late with her.
Marshall: Habitual lateness most often manifests in people with control issues.
Mary: Oh, God.
Marshall: By arriving late on scheduled appointments you cause the person with whom the appointment was made to wait, for you, thereby controlling his or her behavior. Classic passive aggressive pathology.
Mary: When have you ever known me to be passive about anything?
Mary: [To Marshall] I love you like an eight dollar whore.
Marshall: SwifferMuseum.com. Why? How? Why?
Mary: What about KnittingWholesale.com? Maybe he's trying to lure old women into the lurid world of cross-stitching.
Marshall: CowsAreEvil.com.
Mary: Undeniable.
Marshall: OverstockedPradaLeather.com.
Mary: What? What was that last one?
Marshall: Kidding.
Mary: Bastard.
Mary: [Voicover] I stare agape at Sunday couples. Sidewalk strollers, fingers laced, heads on shoulders, hearts laid bare. Audacious highwire artists, soaring netless. Oblivious or brave? Ignorant idiots, I observe from my spectator view. Hoping no one hears this screaming inside my head.

[edit] Stan By Me [1.11]

[edit] A Fine Meth [1.12]

Jinx: That first week after he left, you were so distraught. You thought it was your fault. That you had done something to make him go away. I just wanted to make you feel better. I made up this story about how you were daddy's favorite. How he loved you the most, and you had this special bond that couldn't be broken no matter how far away he was. The truth is, he loved you like he loved the rest of us. No more, no less. I'm sorry we were lying to you then, and I'm sorry about having to tell you the truth now. But I thought you would eventually realize what a fairytale this all was.
Mary: Oh, mom. That must have been so hard for you. Wait. I want to share something with you. Stay there. [Leaves the room]
Jinx: [To Brandi] I needed to do that. It was necessary.
Brandi: I think it's good that she heard it.
Mary: Sorry, you don't get to rewrite history. [Puts wooden box on the table]
Brandi: What's that?
Mary: Open it.
Jinx: What are these?
Mary: Letters I've received from daddy over the last twenty years or so. How many has he sent you guys?

[edit] Season 2

[edit] Gilted Lilly [2.01]

Marshall: What's going on, Stan?
Stan: Her name is Eleanor Prince. She was the administrator to the FBI HQ in Phoenix for eight years. Her husband was a field agent and got killed last year in an auto accident.
Marshall: You realize Mary is going to have a problem with this.
Stan: It crossed my mind. You have to get her to accept Eleanor.
Marshall: Shall I teach her to levitate while I'm at it? Come on. You know Mary doesn't like new people.
Det. Dershowitz: So do you like any of them for this?
Marshall: It's hard to find a motive for murder. I suppose any of them could have assisted.
Mary: When I kill my mother there will be no doubt as to who did it.
Eleanor: Can I get you anything, chief?
Stan: Um, no. No, thank you.
Eleanor: Sir, you didn't do anything wrong. They were both out of line.
Stan: Mrs. Prince. When I came into this office ten years ago I had twice as many inspectors handling half as many witnesses and it was still too many, which is why I'm so grateful you're here. I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but when I want an opinion on matters of my inspectors, I'll ask. Okay?
Eleanor: Are you sure I can't get you anything?
Stan: Yeah, a cup of coffee would be great.
Mary: Second bottle, mom?
Jinx: For those keeping score.
Mary: Second bottle is the ironic Jinx. You want to be gone by number three.
Marshall: Say no more, and you go to bed.
Mary: Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, I'm fine.
Marshall: I know, and you need to remember that. Whatever's happening inside your head needs to happen. Now just let it flow. Be the river.
Mary: Don't be a retard. I can't be the river.
Marshall: You can be the river!
Mary: Okay, but not today. Tomorrow I'll be the river.
Marshall: That a girl.
Mary: [Voiceover] For those inclined to feed the bears, beat the light, traverse thin ice, run with scissors, get rich quick: here but for the grace of God goes you.

[edit] In My Humboldt Opinion [2.02]

Mary: Man, oh, man, O'Connor. You FBI guys. I've been on the job for five years. I don't even have a cubicle. You've been in town, what, six minutes? You have a private office? Now how is that fair? By the way, I was just wondering when you think I can expect a crew at my house to fix your mess.
Agent O'Connor: You know, I was just going to call you about that. I'm looking into the first of week of when hell freezes over. Does that work for you? Because if not I can reschedule.
Mary: No, that's about what I expected. Yeah, so in the meantime I'll just store some of my stuff here. [Dumps a box full of sheetrock and insulation on O'Connor's desk] Does that work for you?
Mary: Okay, you know what, Eleanor? I've tried to be nice. Cut you some slack because you're new, but this is it. I've had it.
Eleanor: I'm sorry, when was it that you tried to to be nice? I must have missed that.
Mary: Yeah, probably because nothing can penetrate that helmet of hairspray and noxious cloud of perfume surrounding you.
Eleanor: Excuse me.
Mary: What?!
Eleanor: Inspector, certain other persons around here might be afraid of you, walk on egg shells. God forbid anyone should upset her highness, but I'm not one of them. You are a bully and you're spoiled and for some reason you have been given a pass on rude behavior, but I won't put up with it. It's unacceptable.
Mary: You think I give a rat's ass what you will or won't put up with, Eleanor?
Marshall: Amnesia, huh?
Mary: Don't you dare laugh.
Marshall: I would never. Although, it is surprising this hasn't happened before, considering how many people would like to forget they ever met you.
Mary: Took you a long time to think of that one, didn't it?
Marshall: Almost an hour.
Mary: [Speaking to witness Jerry Royal] I know you want to be brave. I know you do. Everybody does.
Mary: [Voiceover] I wonder how it could be, all of us quaking cowards, hiding under covers one day, storming beaches the next, shrinking violets impossibly frail. Our best days spent unquestioning, hurtling into hailstorms, the rest just spent. Opposite extremes, half definitions of the same thing, an inexplicable paradox best left in a bowl full of kibble to be lapped up by Schrödinger's cat.

[edit] A Stand-Up Triple [2.03]

Mary: I want you both to promise to shoot me in the head if I ever have three kids.
Marshall: Yeah, all right.
Stan: Okay.
Mary: Thanks.
Maureen: You are a Godsend.
Mary: That's what I keep telling everyone.
Peter: Where's your partner? The nice one?
Mary: I don't know. I think he's avoiding you.
Mary: Tripp, you know this act won't last. Okay, the other night? That was your future. As soon as this new guy bails—
Tripp Stewart: It doesn't matter. I'm not going to walk out on them. I know she's a wreck, but she's got to have somebody to come home to or all falls apart.
Mary: Wait. Okay, so you're going to destroy your life so your mother has a shoulder to cry on? Please, please, please don't do this. It's not worth it. In the end she'll resent you for it. Trust me, I've been there. I'm still there.
Tripp Stewart: I'm not you. This is different. I'm different.
Mary: Really? How so? Name one way that this is different. That your situation is different from mine?
Tripp Stewart: It's different because I have you.
Mary: [Voiceover] One of the most difficult moments in anyone's life is when the fog of childhood lifts and we see for the first time our parents as people.

[edit] Rubble With A Cause [2.04]

Lewis Ford: [Sees Mary climbing down the tower of rubble towards him] Mary!
Mary: No, no, don't get up. God forbid you show some manners.
Lewis Ford: You need to get outta here!
Mary: Again with the manners? I'm not here 30 seconds, you're kickin' me out! What, were you raised by guinea pigs? [slips and falls down the rubble] Okay, okay, I might have just soiled myself.
Lewis Ford: [wincing in pain] Don't make me laugh!
Mary: So this is your new place? [slowly makes her way towards Lewis, who's buried in rubble] It's very industrial retro.
Lewis Ford: Where's my housewarming gift?
Mary: I never did get why when someone buys a new house you're supposed to buy them a present. I mean, why not just put a tip jar by the door?
Lewis Ford: Thanks for coming, but you need to get outta here, the whole building's gonna come down.
Mary: Quit being such a drama queen Lewis, we'll both be outta here in no time. You should see the show out there. [finally arrives at Lewis' side] So, you know, where's it hurt? I mean, other than everywhere?
Mary: [grabbing a medical bag that the doctor has thrown down] Please God let there be a ham sandwich in that bag. Okay Doc, walk me through this.
Doctor: Before you do anything, you need to put on a pair of surgical gloves.
Mary: No glove, no love.
Doctor: You're not allergic to latex, are you?
Mary: If I had a nickle for every time I've been asked that question...
Lewis Ford: If I wasn't dying, you'd be funny.
Mary: You're not dying. This was all just a ruse to get me to play doctor.
Stan: [Speaking of Mary] Yes, Mr. Mayor, I'm still here. Why is she there? Well, Mr. Mayor, she assessed the situation and took a quick, calculated risk and put her life on the line. Quite frankly, sir, no one else had the balls.
Lewis Ford: What would you do if your partner committed a crime? What would you do? Answer the question, Mary.
Mary: I would stand by him. No matter what, because that's what partners do. You said it yourself: At the end of the day, all that matters you and your partner. You turned on your partner. The second things got ugly, Lewis. The one constant that gets me through it all, the only reason that makes it okay for me to be up here with a worm like you, is I have a partner who has my back, 24/7, no matter what. ... Oh, and Marshall, for the record, I'd sell you out for a Twinkie.
Mary: [Voiceover] I yearn for blind devotion; unthinking, unwavering. A cause, a thing, a principle worthy of absolute loyalty. The truth self medicating, a love unabating, something, anything to which relinquish all personal responsibility. Semper fi. Till death do us part. In nomine patris. Let's go Mets. To the true believers, the lucky few, of thee I sing.

[edit] Aguna Matatala [2.05]

Mary: The world has alcohol in it. This weekend is about her learning to live with it.
Brandi: This weekend is about us being supportive and reconnecting with her.
Mary: God, this weekend is gonna blow.
Jinx: [to Brandi, regarding her date with Peter] Where's he taking you?
Brandi: Um, I don't know, I think it's a football game. The Governer's Bowl?
Jinx: The Governor's Ball?
Brandi: [shrugs] Maybe.
Jinx: Monkey! Monkey, the Governor's Ball is the biggest social event of the season!
Brandi: What?! Get out!
Mary: And it's all happening here at Barbie's Dream House!
Mary: [wakes up suddenly to find Brandi going through her closet] You know I sleep with a loaded gun next to me, right?
Marshall: [Speaking of Rabbi Garfinkle] How did he know to have her in Albuquerque?
Mary: He's got magical powers. It's the only explanation.
Avi Roth: How could God do this to me?
Rabbi Garfinkle: Excuse me? God? Your wife and your unborn child lie on the operating table, maybe dying, and you ask God how he can do this to you? You schmuck. God gave you life. God gave you a brain in your head. That's it. The beginning, the middle, the end of all God did to you. All the rest, Avi, the lying, the cheating, stealing, that's all on you, you self-involved child. What are you going to do? Spend the rest of your life trying to find someone else to blame? Or do you think that maybe it's time that you use that brain in your head that God gave you?

[edit] One Night Stan [2.06]

Mary: [to McQueen] If you go to jail, he becomes my boss, and then I have to kill myself.
Marshall: Thanks. I appreciate that.
Eleanor: I'm the new office administrator.
Det. Dershowitz: You have my deepest sympathy.
Eleanor: Clearly, I committed war crimes in a past life.
Mary: The comedy stylings of Dull and Duller!
Mary: [Voiceover] I once dated a man who taught quantum physics. I learned two things that night. The first being, if you ask a quantum physicist to explain how gravity works--not what it is, not how it behaves, but how it works--he will first talk himself in circles, then wind up crying, and finally, sometime between entree and dessert, call you a bitch and leave.
...
The second revelation came as I sat at the bar in morose solitude, pondering the cantilevered relationship between bartenders' gut and lower extremities, and this is important, so pay attention: before the big bang, before time itself, before matter, energy, velocity, there existed a single immeasurable state called yearning. This is the special force that on the day before days obliterated nothing into everything. It is the unseen strings tying planets to stars. It is the maddening want we feel from from first breath to last light.
Marshall: So, Brandi finally dates someone respectable, and she wants to dump him?
Mary: Respectable and rich. Let's not forget rich, that's the best part.
Stan: Respectable and rich do not the relationship make.
Mary: True.
Eleanor: Nice ass doesn't hurt. (everyone stares at her) Didn't mean to say that out loud, actually.
Dershowitz: All this cooperation, me so happy!
Stan: Glad somebody is.
Dershowitz: Hey, what kind of piece did you carry back then?
Stan: A Sig 9.
Dershowitz: (quietly) And now me not so happy.
Willie: (at a comedy club, drunk on stage) Do I look like a Rabson?
Waitress: No, you look like a dick.
Willie: Bar wench, one, comic, nothing.
Mary: And while you're up, I could use a cup of coffee.
Eleanor: Yeah, not a chance in hell.
Mary: Didn't think so.
Mary: (to Peter, who is carrying a semi-conscious Brandi) What'd you have for dinner, roofies?
Stan: Where are my inspectors?
Eleanor: Oh, I couldn't tell you. They haven't invited me into their little club yet.
Stan: That makes two of us.
(Stan has told Mary and Marshall that he had a relationship with one of his first witnesses)
Stan: I crossed the line.
Marshall: Blew it to smithereens.
Mary: I'd be less surprised if you told us you were the shooter.

[edit] Duplicate Bridge [2.07]

Mary: Is it me, or have we just been wrong all day long?
Eleanor: Why are all these files stapled shut?
Mary: Sorry, I couldn't help myself. It's the Fliegler, it's so damn powerful.
Marshall: She had the same problem with her gun when she first started.
Marshall: We build our house on these manifold truths: rough hewn and perfect, like the ashlars of Solomon's temple. ... He is to be condemned, but also deeply pitied. Wrong and injustice once done cannot be undone, but are eternal in their consequences. ... Without verity, there is no justice.
Marshall: Everyone has failures in life. Ultimately all of us fail. The aqueducts of Rome will fail! Who we are, the standards by which we are measured lies in our response to those failures. My dad used to tell me you don't fail until you quit.
Mary: [Voiceover] People talk too much. People think too much. We're all village idiots, enamored with our shadows, oblivious to the setting sun.
Marshall: (re: ribs) Give me some.
Mary: No, they're my escort fee. (awkward pause) That didn't come out right.
Marshall: No.
Mary: I've got to pick up Marshall, his car's in the shop.
Brandi: Huh, wow, that's a switch. What's next, he's the smart one and you're the cute one?
Mary: Mmm.
Brandi: Oh, wait, he's both.
Eleanor: If there's anything else?
Mary: Cup of coffee would be nice.
Eleanor: I'm sure it would. (walks off)
Mary: I think she's actually growing on me.
Marshall: Norman, buddy, I reaaally don't want to shoot you.
Mary: Norman. My partner might not want to shoot you, but we've been up for thirty-six hours straight because of you and I'm fine with whatever gets me in bed the quickest.
(Brandi is reading her English assignment to Marshall, who is telling her answers to questions as he thinks Mary would say them)
Brandi: 'And what does your loved one think is your greatest asset?' And don't say my chest.

[edit] A Frond In Need [2.08]

Marshall: What?
Mary: MOU. Couple hundred pages. I'd really like to get out of here before the saints are with us.
Marshall: Sorry, it's just that sometimes I feel like I'm in a movie, too.
Mary: Really? Let me guess: Clueless. Jerk.
Marshall: Actually, I was going to say Taming of the Shrew.
Mary: [answers her phone] Hey, what's up?
Marshall: Where are you? You've got to get in here.
Mary: Why, what's the matter?
Marshall: Stan and Eleanor. You've got to see this.
Mary: Stan and Eleanor what? Are they fighting? [excitedly] Is she getting fired?
Marshall: No, but there's definitely something going on between them.
Mary: Really, gidget? Is she wearing his ring?
Marshall: Ridicule if you must, but I see what I see.
Mary: You see what you want to see. You've got to wonder what that would look like. Stan and Eleanor, doing it.
Marshall: Why do you always have to take it to an ugly place?
Mary: I'll bet she's an animal. It's always the prim ones.
Eleanor: Goodnight.
Marshall: Night!
Mary: Leaving so early? What? Hot date? Bend your man to your Mrs. Robinson, yearning to be schooled in the ways of love?
Eleanor: Don't I wish. Unfortunately, just me and the Tivo tonight.
Mary: Excellent, then you can help me with some research.
Eleanor: How did I not see that coming?

[edit] Who's Bugging Mary? [2.09]

Mary: [to a listening device] Daddy, if this is you and you're listening: I don't need you anymore.
Marshall: Mary, are you ready to go to lunch?
Mary: I thought you'd never ask.
Marshall: [to O'Connor] We'd invite you but... Nah.

[edit] Miles to Go [2.10]

[Mary on the phone talking about a witness]
Mary: Why weren't we told he had a son?...Yeah and the Dog ate my homework...Listen numb-nuts I don't think your seeing the big picture here. Your conviction relies on the testimony of a witness who lost his home, his friends, his job, and now thanks to your ineptitude his son. But here's the part you should really be focusing on come trial time brings me ball punching distance to you...yeah good idea look into it. (hangs up) Idiot.
[Stan hands Mary a Paper]
Mary: What's this?
Stan: While you were verbally spanking the future ex-governor of Illinois, I optained a copy of the paperwork he sent to Ed's wife.
Mary: So there was paperwork filed.
Eleanor: Would you like me to get him on the phone so that you can apologize or just send a card?
Mary: No, let's go with the card this time. (To Stan) Hey, look no there's no signature. It never went through.
Stan: Oh, it happens sometimes, just have to track her down and have her sign it.
Eleanor: So cancel the card?
Mary: Yeah, think so.
Mary: So, let's see. The men involved in the car-theft ring you're supposed to testify against are all in jail awaiting trial, which is good. That said, they worked for an international operation that had contacts in Europe, Asia and South America. Not so good.
Ed Flint: How long am I going to be in witness protection?
Marshall: We're kind of like the mafia: once you're in, you're in. Except we don't kill you if you decide to leave.
[Marshall and Mary have just caught Stan calling Eleanor "Hon"]
Eleanor: So what's the big deal? It's just a friendly salutation like, "Hey hon, can you bring me the forms we filed?"
Mary: Oh, I see. [To Marshall] Like when you call me "Snuggles," or when Stan refers to you as his "Butterscotch Stallion."
Mary: Does Miles have a favorite constellation?
Ed Flint: Yeah. Hercules.
Mary: Which one's that? I've never been able to see those things.
Ed Flint: Hercules is there. See it?
Mary: All I see is a random arrangement of dots light years apart. I tend to see things as they are. No magic or no shine.
Ed Flint: Do you like being that way?
Mary: Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's not so good. My dad used to tell me we don't need magic as long as we've got— Anyway. Sometimes I wish there was just a little magic.
Mary: So if Miles doesn't have a birth certificate...
Marshall: It can only mean one thing.
Mary: Miles is Amish.
[Brief pause]
Marshall:Or... Miles doesn't exist.
Mary: Oh yeah. No, I see where you could get that too.
[Marshall nods slowly]

[edit] Jailbait [2.11]

[Eleanor has picked Marshall's hotel choice]
Mary: Why do you always side with him?
Eleanor: Because his decisions aren't predicated upon flapjack availability.
Mary: I'd say that is a weakness.
Mary: [discovers a goat boiling on the stove] Holy mother there's a dog in that pot! And so help me it smells delicious!
Marshall: Engagement party?
Mary: Yeah, Raph's mother dropped by for a surprise visit. She thinks we're engaged.
Eleanor: Ah poor woman, must be wracked with grief.
Lawyer: Can you imagine seeing your mother being killed like that right in front of you?
Mary: [wistfully] Yeah.
Eleanor: Jesus Moreno is here.
Mary: Thanks, send him in.
Eleanor: Will do. Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, tea?
Lawyer: Coffee with cream would be great, thanks.
Eleanor: Coming right up. Mary?
Mary: What?
Eleanor: Would you like some coffee?
Mary: You're feeling guilty about that "wracked with grief" comment aren't you?
Eleanor: Little bit.
Mary: Don't go soft on me.
Mary: [on the phone] Raph pick up. Your mother's goat is still on my stove and that's a sentence I never wanna say again.
Marshall: If some guy bought you two $10,000 bags wouldn't you tell your best girl friend all about it?
Mary: C'mon Eleanor, man up.
Eleanor: Mary doesn't have a best girl friend.
Mary: Doesn't that feel better?

[edit] Training Video [2.12]

[Marshall and Mary are mocking the tone of WITSEC training videos]
Marshall: Ed, Jen and Reggie, why I haven't seen them in years, Mary.
Mary: Now that you mention it, neither have I, Marshall. It's great to know they're still dispensing valuable advice to new trainees isn't it, Marshall?
Marshall: It sure is, Mary, it sure is.
Marshall Mann: How does a civilian get clearance to shoot a video for a top secret government agency?
Barry Ness: The same as any other independent contractor: a long and tedious vetting process. You'd be amazed at some of the things I've been privy to, but as secretive as the CIA and the rest of them are, nobody's as tight-lipped as you people.
Mary Shannon: That's because we actually keep our secrets secret. The CIA clans have more leaks than a men's room at Oktoberfest.
Mary: [to Stan] You saddle me with this task, I swear I'll quit.
Eleanor: Sounds like a win/win to me, chief.
Mary: Everyone says I'm the mean one. I'm not. It's her.
Eleanor: You think I'm mean? [Mary shrugs] I'm not! I was just ... kidding. I thought that was our thing!
Mary: So disappointing. See, just when I thought you were ready to step up your game.
Eleanor: You really are the devil's minion.
Mary: [Watches Eleanor pour a cup of coffee] What's in that?
Eleanor: Coffee.
Mary: Yeah, right. [Pours it in a potted plant]
Marshall: She's got you spooked, doesn't she?
Mary: A little bit.
Marshall: It's fun to watch.
Eleanor: How'd the video shoot go?
Mary: Great. It was just a really long day.
Eleanor: Tom called. Stan knows you got kicked off the set.
Mary: Well, fine. It was the one time I actually didn't cross the line. Everything I said needed saying.
Eleanor: You know what your problem is? You've got integrity. The world hates integrity.
Mary: You're screwing with me, right?
Eleanor: Not this time.
Mary: You want a cookie?
Eleanor: Ooh, Snickerdoodle!

[edit] Let's Get it Ahn [2.13]

Marshall Mann: I'm not giving you the name of the first girl I had sex with.
Mary Shannon: Why? Is it because you're a virgin?
Marshall: No, because you'd track her down, call her up, and make her tell you all about it.
Mary: So? I told you mine!
Marshall: Neil Armstrong was not your first.
Mary: Technically, no, but who can ever remember that other guy's name?
Marshall: Do you care that Stan is two hours late for work and unreachable?
Mary: Of course I care! This is how I cope. Come on. You know I won't stop until I get what I want.
Marshall: Oh, God. Fine. Katinka Magnúsdóttir. Tenth grade foreign exchange student from Iceland.
Mary: Katinka?! Excellent!
Marshall: Tell her I said hi.
Mary: How do you spell Magnúsdóttir?
Marshall: The usual way.
Mary: Jesus, Mary and Joseph. There's like a thousand K. Magnúsdóttir's. I swear to God, if that's not her real name...
Mary: Hey, how do you know how I like my coffee?
Dershowitz: I'm a detective. It's my job to know things.
Mary: You're walking a fine line between cute and creepy, detective.
Mary: [hums while using the telephone]
Marshall: Save that number. It seems to make you happy.
Mary: Hold music. It's from a play I did in high school. I know, hard to believe. While most kids were experimenting with drugs, I was experimenting with musicals. Just as harmful.
Eleanor: [rescuing Marshall's finger] The hardest part is the knuckle. It's sort of like the baby's shoulders in the birthing process.
Mary: Ugh. You have any idea what that makes my ring!
Eleanor: How about a toast? [to Mary, at her office engagement party]
Marshall: Excellent idea. Okay. Here's to the best friend I've ever had. Could ever hope to have. A girl for whom no man will ever be good enough. I hope you know that I love you and I wish for you nothing but a lifetime of happiness.

[edit] Once a Ponzi Time [2.14]

Marshall: And they say romance is dead. Ninety-year-old billionaire weds flight attendant, twenty-three. Gee, I wonder how they met?
Mary: In an airplane.
Marshall: [sarcastically] Did you read this already?
Mary: Think you'll ever get married?
Marshall: If the right flight attendant comes along, who knows.
Mary: If you ever did take that plunge, not that I'd wish that hell on any woman, think you'd tell the missus about the job?
Marshall: No.
Mary: That's it? No diffuse and flowery philosophical treatise with footnotes?
Marshall: Runs contrary to WITSEC regs.
Mary: Heaven forbid we run contrary.
Marshall: You're not thinking about --
Mary: [rummages through sauces on diner counter] Hot sauce. Gotta be looking right at it.
Marshall: You already told him.
Mary: Found it!
Marshall: Without consulting me?
Mary: You know, I was going to, and then I remembered it's none of your God damned business.
Marshall: Are you kidding?
Mary: [scoffs] I don't think so.
Marshall: By telling Raph what you do, you've told him what I do, and I wasn't quite ready to share that information with your future husband.
Mary: You're serious?
Marshall: Hey, look at this. The drugstore security camera is coming around.
Mary: [looks at video of a hooded man] Oh, good. The unabomber.
Marshall: That's what the clerk said.
Mary: I'm going to go out on a limb and guess he didn't pay with credit.
Marshall: Cash. Speaking of which.
Mary: What?
Marshall: Watch.
Mary: Brand new bills.
Marshall: If they're as new as they look, the Treasury could tell us what bank they came from based on serial numbers.
Mary: If they came from an ATM transaction, the bank can give us a name. God, don't you love big brother.
Marshall: Treasury tracked the bills to New Mexico Savings & Loan. They're pulling the ATM transaction now.
Dershowitz: You could have told me who owned the car.
Marshall: No, I couldn't. It's against the rules.
Dershowitz: What is wrong with you two?
Mary: We've been trying to get pregnant. The strain's getting to him.
Marshall: [fake laughs]
Dershowitz: This is why I don't have a partner.
Mary: Look, Phillip, I've been doing this a while, and I've seen people come into this program and fight like crazy to hang on to their old lives, and I've seen people who couldn't wait to be someone else just to throw away their past. But at the end of the day, you are who you are.
Marshall: A wise man once said, and the truth shall set you free.
Marshall: I know why you told Raphael your big secret: to paint yourself into a corner. Afraid you might back out from marrying him, you told him, so now you have to make it work.
Mary: Congratulations, Matlock. You've keenly observed that I'm somewhat relationship phobic, and yet the conclusion you've drawn couldn't be more off the mark. Marshall, I've spent my entire working live with career criminals: liars, thieves and sociopaths, each of whom knows what I do for a living. And I refuse to accept the notion that these miscreants are somehow more trustworthy than the man I'm going to marry.

[edit] Don't Cry for Me Albuquerque [2.15]

Mary: Cheer up, Eleanor. Life sucks, we're all going to die, embrace it!
Francesca: [shouting at her CIA contact in the witness room, as Mary, Marshall and Eleanor listen in] You're sadly mistaken if you think I'm going to sit on the sidelines watching my country's revolution on CNN, while you people install your whole, self serving puppet regime!
Mary: We still do that?
Marshall: Yeah. The sad thing is we don't even use real puppets anymore, just socks with buttons sewn on.
Rafael: I'm not a violent person, but I can't stop thinking about finding the guy who did this and -- I want him to suffer.
Marshall: I know. Our animal instinct is to savage any threat to our loved ones. It's how we're wired.
Marshall: It was a bad neighborhood; a bad situation from the get go. The witness should never have been allowed to move there. Mary should never have been put in that position: managing a witness over whom she had no authority!
Stan: I know; I know. I shouldn't have allowed it.
Marshall: I should have stayed; I saw what was going on there. It just... didn't occur to me.
Stan: Why would it? It's Mary. She's like... {sighs} I don't know.
Marshall: I know.
Stan: Fierce, you know? Like she's always gonna be the toughest dog in a fight.
Marshall: Boxers call it "the air of invincibility".
Stan: That's exactly it.
Marshall: All great fighters have it...
Stan: Yeah...
Marshall: ...Right up until the minute they're beaten. (Dissolves into sobs again)
Day {State Department}: Your inspector screwed the pooch. I gave her one job; that was it. One job! I'm telling ya: when I get done with her...
Stan: {interrupts Day & manhandles him into empty room} Yeah, what're ya gonna do, huh? Whattya gonna do? Huh? G'head: say it. G'head: say one more word. Say it. Open your mouth again, ya moron! My inspector almost got killed; she may not make it because of your stupidity, because against our advice, you allowed that woman to move into the worst neighborhood in Albequerque! I've already filed a complaint, asshole. G'head; go ahead, please. Open your mouth again. I swear I'll bounce your head off every wall in this frickin' hospital! Say it! G'head!
Gang Leader: I didn't do nothing. I didn't shoot your girl.
Marshall: Nobody here thinks you did.
Gang Leader: Then how come I'm still here? What d'you want?
Marshall: I wanna know... what you dream about.
Gang Leader: Huh?
Marshall: I saw you on your porch, yesterday, running your crew, doing... what I imagine you do pretty much every day and I was just curious: when you go to sleep at night, do you dream of other places? Doing something else? Or do you dream about sitting on your porch, running your crew?
Gang Leader: Huh? You need to get to the point.
Marshall: The point is: everybody here knows you're too smart to shoot a cop for no good reason, and that nothing happens on that street without your knowing about it.
Gang Leader: What's that gotta do with dreams?
Marshall: Well, this kind of thing is gonna be really bad for your business, and if there were some other place you dreamed of... or something you always wanted to be...
Gang Leader: What? You're gonna wave your magic wand and tomorrow I'm on a beach in Hawaii?
Marshall: No, but I have friends who make that sort of thing happen all the time. All we need from you is the right information. Would you like to be in Hawaii tomorrow? With a new name? Whole new life. I can have a US Attorney in here in five minutes making that happen. Just tell me who the shooter is, and how to find him.
Gang Leader: Sa es que, cabron? We're born where we're born. We is what we is, and that's that. I ain't going nowhere, and I ain't telling you nothing.

[edit] Cast

[edit] External links

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