Jungle 2 Jungle
- (To Richard. Quietly) You're walking around New York City... (Yelling) WITH A MILLION DOLLARS IN A SUITCASE?!?!
- (Because Patricia didn't show up) Okay, if that's the way she wants to play it, she's not gonna get a dime.
- (Upon seeing Lipo Lipo. Referring to Patrcia) Oh, my God. She left me for Gilligan's Island!!
- (As the other men in the hut fart in their sleep) Talk about your wind instruments.
- Any word from the Russian's?
- (Mimi asks where the animals are in Michael's town) Up in their offices. Where they work.
- (Talking to Richard on the phone)I'm standing in the middle of Nightmare on Bodega Street!
- (showing Mimi how to use the toilet) Before you pee, you lift the seat; after you pee, you put the seat back down. Females in tribe start war over this. Many deaths.
- [After shooting Coco the cat with a blowdart by accident. a la Tim Taylor] Oh, no.
- I'm a parent! Therefore, I'm an idiot!
- (When Michael points out that Michael, like Richard, has kids) I know, but mine want Nike and Nintendo. Yours want blow guns and Meow Mix!
- (Referring to New York) This your village, Baboon? (Michael: Yep, this is my village) It's big.
- Stop shouting, Baboon! Maitika kill chief!
- [seeing Karen for the first time] Angel on table.
- Come! We talk beans!
- My name... is Alex Vasili Serge Fyoder Jovanovic. NOT... Mr. J.
- You try to cheat me!
- Beluga! Best caviar in whole world!
Patricia Cromwell 
- I left you because of the fifth phone line.
- (Referring to a newly born piglet) It's a male!
- Langston: Cromwell has become a colossel pain in the-- (Is shot by a blowgun dart)
- Abe Botero: Hasta La Vista!
- Abe Botero: Abe has a saying. "He who knows what a women wants knows everything... but not even God knows that!
Mimi-Siku: In Lipo Lipo, we eat with hands.
Michael: In New York, New York, we eat with forks.
Jovanovic: You make a fool of Jovanovic.
Richard Kempster: No!
Jovanovic: In front of my comrades and my community. You waste my time, you try to cheat me! (takes out a knife) Now, you must pay. Sit still, coward! Now, I teach you never, (grabs Richard's right arm) NEVER to make fool of Jovanovic again!
(while canoeing on the river
Mimi: [pointing to toucan in flight] Hoko!
Michael: Hoko. Yeah, bird. Bird that can't sing: Hoko Ono.
Patricia Cromwell: His name's Mimi-Siku.
Michael: Mimi Siku...
Patricia Cromwell: Roughly translated, it means "cat piss".
Michael: He chose the name "cat piss"?
Patricia Cromwell: He was six years old at the time! Its a territorial thing.
Mimi: [Initiates Karen into his tribe] Choose a name.
Karen: Choose for me.
Mimi: [thinks for a moment] Ukumay.
Karen: What does it mean?
Mimi: It means "Sound of rain on river water."
Karen: "Ukumay." It's pretty.
Richard: (Walking upstairs) Ring twice, knock once, ring three times. Okay.
Michael: (Sees video camera next to big wooden door) Oh, boy.
Richard: So it is...
Michael: What, what?
Richard: Ring twice. (Michael rings doorbell) Knock once.(Knocks)And then you ring three times.
Michael: You sure it's three?
Richard: Yes, it's definately three times. (Michael rings doorbell)
Michael: Okay. (Clears throat. Nothing happens)
Richard: Okay, so that's wrong. So we do--- ring three times--- (Rings)
Michael: I'm not sure---
Richard: Knock once, and ring twice.
Michael: No, it---
Michael: (Sighs) We're gonna get shot.
Richard: Uh-uh, it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be good. (Nothing happens)
Michael: That--that really worked great. I--I remember it differently now. I got what it is.
Richard: All right, Mr. Wizard, take over.
Michael: Ring twice.
Richard: Take over.
Michael: You knock once...
Richard: And ring...
Michael: No, no, no, no, you do NOT, whatever you do ring four times. [Holds up hand and indicates fingers to remind Richard of the man losing his fingers]
Jovanovic: (From inside) Open damn door! Chort Vozmi
Langston: Coffee is at 88 and it's dropping like a brick. By tomorrow it could be 85 or lower!
Michael: Just wait it out. Something will happen. The market will turn around.
Richard: But what if it doesn't?
Michael:You remember what happened in '91?
Langston: Now, you can't always depend on a natural disaster!
Michael: It doesn't have to be a natural disaster. We can hope for an assassination!
Richard: Can't you take this seriously for one minute?!
Michael: I'm just trying to lighten this guy up! (They argue)
Langston: Stop it, stop it, now behave. Now, something better happen fast (The camera cuts to Mimi putting Maitika on the floor) or I'm gonna throw both your butts out the window. What the hell do you hotshots think about when you make these deals?! You seem to have forgotten, Cromwell, (Michael sees Maitika scurrying into the office) that you were investing the company's money! When you invest the company's money and win, the company's behind you. But when you screw up like this, you're both on the hook for any loss we take!
Michael: "(Covers Maitika) That could be over a million dollars!
Langston: Now, that's not my problem! And by the way, Cromwell, when someone is playing with millions of dollars of my money, I generally like them in the country. This country!
Michael: Stop-- stop yelling, please.
Langston: This is still my office. I'LL SHOUT, I'LL YELL, I'LL SCREAM AS MUCH AS I WAN'T!!! WHEN I MADE YOU TWO SHAREHOLDERS IN THIS COMPANY, IT WAS TO SHARE PROFIT'S! NOT LOSSES!
Michael: Not--- not losses is right! We're not here to share losses! We're here to share profits! Profits! Profits! (Sees that Maitika is coming toward him) Look up! (Langston and Richard turn and look up) It's a-- alien circle, with Mickey Roker's picture in it! Look at it! (Runs out, Maitika following) Look, look, look, look, look! Up, up, look, look up, look up!
Richard: He-- he just found out a couple of days ago he has a son.
Michael: (Jumps on waiting room couch)
Mimi: Stop shouting, baboon! Matika kill chief! [Receptionist looks at them]
Michael: Catch the damn spider, will you?! (Mimi puts away Matika) I said I was gonna go fight the chief. Not kill the chief. Around here, only... postal employees kill chief. Got it? (Mimi nods. Michael goes back into office and speaks to Langston and Richard) Boy! Whatever you do in Venezuela, do not try the chili del fuego.
|Tim Allen||Michael Cromwell|
|Martin Short||Richard Kempster|
|JoBeth Williams||Dr. Patricia Cromwell|
|David Ogden Stiers||Алексей Йовановича (Alexei Jovanovic)|
|Bob Dishy||George Langston|
|Valerie Mahaffey||Jan Kempster|
|Leelee Sobieski||Karen Kempster|
|Frankie J. Galasso||Andrew Kempster|
|Oni Faida Lampley||Madeleine|