Looney Tunes: Back in Action

From Wikiquote

Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003) is a feature-length Looney Tunes adventure combining live action and animation, written by Larry Doyle and directed by Joe Dante. It features Brendan Fraser as a hapless stuntman, aided (and confounded) by his animated Hollywood friends Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck and a studio executive (played by Jenna Elfman), who stumbles across a plot to possess a mysterious blue diamond in the course of rescuing his famous actor father (played by Timothy Dalton).

[edit] Dialogue

[Bugs Bunny is fishing from a boat in the back seat of studio exec Kate Houghton's flooded Alfa Romeo.]

Bugs: Hey, whadda ya know? I found Nemo!

Shaggy: What kind of performance do you call that? You made me sound like a total space cadet, man!

Matthew Lillard: I'm sorry you feel that way. I was just trying to be true to your character.

Shaggy: If you, like, goof up on me in the sequel, I'ma coming after ya!

Scooby Doo: Reah. And Ri'll rive you a Scooby Snack!!!!!

[Scooby growls viciously at Lillard]

[Porky Pig and Speedy Gonzalez chat in the cafeteria.]

Porky: Eh, f-first they tell me to lose the stutter. Now they tell me I'm not funny! [sighs] It's a pain in the butt, being p-p-p-politically correct.

Speedy: You're telling me.

DJ Drake: There's a man there! He's got a woman! She's tied up in a burlap sack and he's taking her to the Eiffel Tower!

Pepe Le Pew: Ah, eet eez Spring, eez eet not?

[DJ Drake (played by Brendan Fraser) and Daffy Duck drive to Las Vegas.]

DJ: I'm not a security guard! For your information, it's just a job. It's what I do for money.

Daffy: Um-hmm.

DJ: What I really do is… I'm… I'm a… I'm a stuntman!

Daffy: Hah! You? A stuntman? Please!

DJ: I am! Did you see those "Mummy" movies?

Daffy: Uh…

DJ: I'm in them more than Brendan Fraser is!

[Daffy rolls his eyes, complete with cartoon sound effect.]

DJ: Oh, no - you couldn't stand that! One day, he decides to say, "No no no! The Bren-Master does all his own stunts!"

[We get our first view of the ACME boardroom and its members.]

Chairman: This is unacceptable! We cannot have nine-year-olds working in sweatshops making ACME sneakers - not when three-year-olds work for so much less.

[The VPs jump for their buzzers. VP Child Labor hits his first. The Chairman points to him.]

Chairman: Yes!

VP Child Labor: But sir! They require naps.

Chairman: Put double espresso in their sippy cups!

[At the Wooden Nickel, diva Dusty Tails changes while she talks about her career.]

Dusty: I also work for the Agency. Professional assassin. It's really hard for me to juggle the two sometimes. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I have kids!

[She comes out wearing a shiny black-leather catsuit.]

Dusty: Do you know how hard it is to find a nanny with advanced weapons training?

Daffy: [gives a wolf-whistle] How many galoshes died to make that little number?

[Dusty Tails gives Daffy a playing card]

Daffy: This is not a king-sized diamond - this is a Queen of Diamonds! What kind of sick joke is this?!

[DJ tries to take the Mona Lisa Q♦ playing card from Dusty, who instead slips it inside her outfit.]

Dusty: That is so sweet! You, trying to take over for your father. These evil forces — they're bad people!

Daffy: Relax, sister! I don't know the meaning of the word "fear"!

[Daffy opens the door and finds himself facing a lit cannon.]

Yosemite Sam: Say your prayers, Duck!

Daffy: "Fear: (Noun.) A state of terror"! AAH!

[Yosemite Sam chases DJ and Daffy through the Wooden Nickel casino, guns a-blazin'…]

Yosemite Sam: Come back here, ya card-carryin' cuy-ote!

[… and slips on a banana peel.]

Yosemite Sam: Yikes! Ooooh! Dad-burned slapstick cliché!

[Daffy and DJ finally escape the Wooden Nickel.]

Daffy: I say we do Cirque de Soleil and call it a night.

[DJ makes a mad dash for his car.]

Daffy: How 'bout the Liberace Museum?

[Jeff Gordon, dressed in racer gear, has his No. 24 DuPont Rainbow Car brought around, only to be interrupted.]

Yosemite Sam: Outta the way, fancy boy! I'm a-commandeering this here clown car.

[Kate and Bugs drive through the streets of Las Vegas, looking for Daffy.]

Kate: There's gotta be 314 hotels and 142 casinos in Las Vegas! We are never gonna find that duck.

[Suddenly, Daffy runs into the street and is promptly plastered onto the windshield. Kate gasps.]

Bugs: Hee hee. Daff never misses a cue.

[DJ arrives, peels off Daffy, and tosses him into the back seat, upside down, next to Bugs.]

Bugs: Eh, what's up, Duck?

Daffy: Don't you start with me!

[Driving alongside the good guys, Nasty Canasta lights a stick of dynamite to throw into their car.]

Kate: Dynamite?! Who has dynamite?!

Daffy: Welcome to my world.

[The good guys take off, leaving the bad guys with the lit dynamite.]

Yosemite Sam: Throw it out the window! Throw it out! Throw it ou-ou-out!

Nasty Canasta: But innocent people could be hurt!

Yosemite Sam: Throw it out the window!

Cottontail Smith: It'll send the wrong message to children!

Yosemite Sam: Throw it ou —

[BOOM!]

[Just before the heroes' flying car crashes, it stops a few feet above the desert ground.]

Bugs: Huh! Outta gas.

[Fade to black.]

Kate: What?! It doesn't work like that!

[Cut back to car, which smashes into the ground. Fade to black again.]

Bugs: Thanks, Toots.

[In the desert, DJ spots a Wal-Mart store, rippling in the heat.]

DJ: Hey, look at that!

Bugs: Is it a mirage, or just product placement?

Daffy: Who cares?! With shopping convenience at such low prices!

[Daffy runs toward the image.]

Daffy: Water! Fresca! Mountain Dew! Your product name here! Woo-hoo-hoo!

DJ: [to Kate] Is this your idea?

[She opens her mouth to object, then gets defensive.]

Kate: The audience expects it. They don't even notice this kind of thing anymore.

[DJ shares his disappointed look with the audience.]

. . .

[The intrepid adventurers depart the desert Wal-Mart with goodies.]

Bugs: Nice of Wal-Mart to provide these Wal-Mart beverages in retoin for us saying "Wal-Mart" so many times.

[Wile E. Coyote observes the heroes trudging through the desert.]

Bugs: I told ya we shoulda made that left toin at Albuqwirky.

Daffy: Don't start that again!

[Sign in the Area 52 laboratory: AREA 52 — KEEPING THINGS FROM THE AMERICAN PEOPLE SINCE 1947.]

[Inside the Area 52 lab, chief spy-scientist Mother talks to the DJ et al.]

Mother: This isn't about the giant ants, is it?

Kate: Giant… ants?

Mother: 'Cause they're not really ants... anymore.

[Mother drinks from a flask of blue liquid.]

DJ: Tell me about the Blue Monkey.

[She spews her beverage on DJ.]

Mother: How do you know about that thing that I've never heard of in my entire life?

DJ: My dad told me.

Mother: What is the point of making them pinky-swear?!

[Marvin leads a horde of escaped creatures, including Daleks.]

Daffy: Yikes! Illegal aliens!

[At the Louvre, as Daffy grabs the playing-card lens, Elmer Fudd jams his shotgun into the back of Daffy's head.]

Elmer: I'll take that!

Bugs: Em... what gives, Doc? We made thoity-five pictures together!

Elmer: Well, as it tuwns out, I'm secwetwy evil!

Daffy: [snorts] That's showbiz for ya!

Elmer: Now, make with the card, so I can pwease my dark masters!

[After Elmer Fudd leaps out of La Grande Jatte (by pointillist Georges Seurat), Bugs reads to him from a museum guide.]

Bugs: Pointillism. A technique using individual dots of pigment, which, taken together…

[Bugs whips out a pocket electric fan.]

Bugs: … make an image.

[He turns on the fan. Elmer's dots start to disperse, until only his shoes are left.]

Elmer: Aw, cwud!

[Bugs turns to the audience.]

Bugs: I think, when you go to the movies, you should learn something.

[Daffy is busy redrawing himself.]

[As Granny's elephant progresses through the jungle, a flock of multicolored Tweety birds fly around.]

Tweety: I've discovewed my woots!

Sylvester: I've discovered my lunch!

[The birds attack Sylvester. Cut to Tweety, in African garb.]

Tweety: Cwy fweedom!

[From behind, we see the elephant come upon a picturesque lost city in the jungle.]

Daffy: What a fantastic view!

Bugs: Unless you're in the audience, in which case you've been staring at an elephant's behind for thoity seconds.

[Outside the ACME satellite, Marvin the Martian holds an ACME Bubble Gun on Bugs.]

Bugs: Eh, what's up, Darth?

[Marvin goes tumbling through space.]

Marvin: Darn Dark Siiiide!

[Wile E. Coyote just realizes he's driven the Train of Death into a few boxes of dynamite and holds up a sign reading "THEY DON'T PAY ME ENOUGH" before the train blows up.]

ACME Chairman: You see, if the Train of Death doesn't kill him, the 20 boxes of TNT will. That, or the 100-pound anvil dangling above him, or… oh, look, there's the Pendulum of Doom! I didn't order the Pendulum of Doom! That's overkill! Get rid of it!

[While Bugs Bunny fights Marvin the Martian outside a spaceship, Daffy cowers inside, sucking his thumb.]

Daffy Duck: What am I gonna do? What would Damian Drake do? What would Duck Dodgers do? [pause] Wait a minute, I'm Duck Dodgers!

[He "spins" into his Duck Dodgers costume.]

Daffy Duck: A-ha! I'm going to be the hero of this picture!

[He straps on a rocket.]

Daffy Duck: Duck Dodgers to the rescue!

[The rocket explodes. He straps on a second rocket.]

Daffy Duck: [dazed] Duck Dodgers to the rescue—

[Explosion! He straps on a third.]

Daffy Duck: [dazed] Duck Dodge—

[Explosion! He glares at a fourth rocket.]

Daffy Duck: Duck.