- Captain: I am Dave Ming Chang.
- Cultural Officer #3: I am Dave Ming Chang.
- Various crew members: I am Dave Ming Chang.
- Security Officer #4: And I am Johnny Dazzles! And I am fabulous!
[Everyone stares at him]
- Security Officer #4: What? Not everyone has to be Dave Ming Chang.
- Gina: [Dave is looking at a picture of Gina's late husband] Captain?
- Dave: Yes?
- Gina: That's my husband. He was a captain with the Navy.
- Dave: I am a captain.
- Gina: Really? A captain of what?
[inside the ship, Number 3 looks something up]
- Dave: I am a captain of crunch.
[in an alley outside Gina's apartment sometime after she hits Dave with her car]
- Gina: Hi, are you all right? Because you just ran off!
- Captain: Contact, everyone! Our first verbal encounter!
- Captain: Thank you for your concern.
- Dave: [speaks with extremely high pitch; bottles explode in background]
- Captain: It's way too high! More bass!
- Dave: [speaks in extremely low pitch]
- Captain: Level the frequency!
- Dave: [speaking perfectly] I'm all better now.
- Josh: [to Gina] How hard did you hit this guy?
- Police Sergeant: Knox, Dooley. Got a report on some kind of fireball or something like that over on Liberty Island? Check it out.
- Dooley: A fireball? Ho, we'll get right on it.
- Knox: Sarge, can't you get somebody else to handle it? Come on, we just pulled an all-nighter.
- Police Sergeant: [sarcastically] Aw. I'm so sorry, Mr. Knox. Tell you what, lie down in my office and I'll come by with your blankie and you can get yourself a nice nap.
- Dooley: Come on, this is going to be great. A fireball? How often do we get a call like that?
- Knox: Do me a favor, okay? Act like a cop and stop caring.
- Eddie Murphy as Dave Ming Cheng / The Captain
- Elizabeth Banks as Gina Morrison
- Gabrielle Union as Number 3
- Ed Helms as Number 2
- Scott Caan as Officer Dooley
- Mike O'Malley as Officer Knox
- Austyn Lind Myers as Josh Morrison
- Kevin Hart as Number 17
- Pat Kilbane as Number 4 / Johnny Dazzle
- Tariq Bah as Marcus Grill
- Miguel A. Núñez, Jr. as Number 12
- Adam Tomei as Number 35
- Allisyn Ashley Arm as Nerdy Girl