Mr. & Mrs. Smith

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Mr. & Mrs. Smith is a 2005 romantic action comedy film starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as a bored married couple who learn that they are both assassins hired by competing agencies to kill each other.

Directed by Doug Liman and written by Simon Kinberg.

John Smith[edit]

  • I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.
  • We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being.
  • Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. Option B: You don't talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. Option C: I like to vary the details a bit but the punch line is you die.


  • Jane Smith: Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet.
  • Eddie: I live with my mom because I choose to. She's the only woman I've ever trusted.


[first session with a marriage counselor]

John Smith: Ok, I'll go first. let me see... um... We don't really need to be here. See, we've been married for five years.
Jane Smith: Six.
John Smith: [chastened] Five or six years.

[at the marriage counselor's office]

Counselor:At the scale of one to ten, how happy are you in this marriage?
Jane Smith:Eight.(she answers quickly)
John ten perfectly happy or.....
Counselor:Just respond instinctively.
John Smith:(turns to Jane)You ready?
Jane Smith:Yeah.

[at the counselor's office]

Counselor:How often do you have sex?
Jane Smith:I dont understand the question.
John Smith:Yeah I'm lost is this a one to ten thing?
Jane Smith:Yeah is like ten nothing or one coz tech...technically speaking zero would be nothing.
[after a long pause]
Counselor:How 'bout this week?
[another long pause]
John Smith:Including the weekends?

Jane Smith: There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we don't say to each other. What's that called?
Marriage Counselor: Marriage.

[about the new curtains Jane bought]
Jane Smith: If you don't like them we can take them back.
John Smith: All right, I don't like them.
Jane Smith: [pause] You'll get used to them.

John Smith: Careful, Jane. I can push the button any time I like.
Jane Smith: Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.

Jane Smith: Promise me to leave the town or I will blow it.
John Smith: Ok... I give up. Please blow it.
Jane Smith: Excuse me. What?
John Smith: Go on. Blow it.
Jane Smith: You think I won't?
John Smith: I think you won't.
Jane Smith: OK. Five. Four. Any last words?
John Smith: Your new curtains are hideous.
Jane Smith: Goodbye John.
[Janet hit the PC keyboard then the bomb was detonated. The monitor screen blacked out.]
Jane Smith: What the hell is this?
Janet: You said Goodbye.

John Smith: [during a car chase] I never told you, but I was married once before. [Jane slams on the brakes] Ow! Are you insane? What's wrong with you!?
Jane Smith: [hitting John] You're what's wrong with me!
John Smith: It was a drunken Vegas thing.
Jane Smith: Oh, that's better! That's much better! [pause] What's her name and social security number?
John Smith: No, you're not gonna kill her.

Jane Smith: You deviated from the plan.
John Smith: The plan was flawed.
Jane Smith: The plan was not flawed.
John Smith: Anal.
Jane Smith: Organized.
John Smith: Jane, 90% of this job is instinct.
Jane Smith: Well, your instinct set off every alarm of the building.
John Smith: My instinct got the job done. It may not have been Jane show...
Jane Smith: No! It was John show. It was half-assed. Like Christmas, like our anniversary, like the time you forgot to bring my mother's birthday present.
John Smith: Your fake mother's birthday present.
Jane Smith: The point is, you are always the first to break team.
John Smith: You don't want a team. You want a servant to hire.
Jane Smith: I want someone I can count on.
John Smith: [sigh] Jane, there is no air around you anymore.
Jane Smith: Oh, what is that supposed to mean?
John Smith: That means there is no room for mistakes, whatsoever. No mistakes. No spontaneity. Who can answer that?
Jane Smith: Well, you don't have to. Because this is not even a real marriage!
[brief ice cold silence]
Benjamin Danz: Who are you people?
Jane Smith: Shut up!!


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