Muppet Treasure Island

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Muppet Treasure Island is a 1996 American musical film based on Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island. It is the fifth feature film to star The Muppets and was directed by Jim Henson's son Brian Henson.


Quotes[edit]


Billy Bones: (opening lines) I was Flint's first mate on that voyage, three days east of Tortuga, in the Caribbean. Flint knew an island. That's where we buried the treasure. Gold and blood – they were Flint's trademarks. He'd leave both behind him, that day.

Blind Pew: Aha, Billy Bones! It's me, Blind Pew! I know you're here, Billy. Ya sniveling coward!
Rizzo: It's some kind of blind fiend!
[Billy Bones is gesturing frantically for them to be quiet]
Gonzo: I believe they prefer 'visually challenged fiend'.
Blind Pew: I heard that! There's someone here! No? Over here? Ah, over here! (clutches a moose head) Aha, Billy Bones! I'd know that scurvy mug of yours anywhere.
Jim Hawkins: Excuse me sir, but the bar's closed--
Blind Pew: (grabs Jim) Ah! Mmm. Aha, a pretty little girl is it? Yes. Take me to Billy Bones, my pet.
Jim Hawkins: (Bones is loading his pistol) You've come to the wrong place. There's no Billy Bones here, and I'm not a girl.
Blind Pew: Oh, I may be visually challenged, but I can see you're lying!
(Bones fires pistol but Pew hears, and looks straight at Bones before jumping onto him, pinning the pistol at the floor)
Blind Pew: Good evening, Bill. I know it's you. Yes, you thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Just take it all for yourself, and leave your shipmates with nothing. We're not pleased with that, Bill, not at all. We want you... to have this! (He gives Billy Bones the Black Spot)

Billy Bones: Beware lads! Beware!
Jim Hawkins: What, the one-legged man?
Billy Bones: Aye. But also, beware runnin' with scissors or any other pointy object. It's all good fun, until somebody loses a - Ahhhh! [dies]
Jim Hawkins: Captain?
Gonzo: (Gulps)
Rizzo: We're standing in a room with a dead guy!!

Mr. Arrow: Roll call! [reads from list] Long John Silver?
Long John Silver: Aye aye, sir!
Mr. Arrow: Short Stack Stevens?
Short-stack Stevens: Aye!
Mr. Arrow: One-eyed Jack?
One-eyed Jack: Aye.
Mr. Arrow: Black-eyed Pea?
Black-eyed Pea: Here.
Mr. Arrow: Walleyed Pike!
Walleyed Pike: Aye.
Mr. Arrow: Polly Lobster!
[Polly whistles]
Mr. Arrow: Mad Monte!
Mad Monte: Aye.
Mr. Arrow: Sweetums.
Sweetums: [from behind them] AYE.
[the captain and Mr. Arrow jump]
Mr. Arrow: ...Old Tom.
Old Tom: Aye aye.
Mr. Arrow: Real Old Tom.
[puppet controls Real Old Tom]
Real Old Tom: Aye!
Mr. Arrow: Dead Tom.
[same puppet controls a skeleton]
Dead Tom: Aye aye!!
[Captain Smollett shudders]
Gonzo: Cool!
Mr. Arrow: ...Clueless Morgan!
Clueless Morgan: Huh?
Mr. Arrow: Headless Bill! ...Headless Bill!
[everyone's looking around; they spot a headless puppet saluting; officers stand aghast for a moment]
Mr. Arrow: Big Fat Ugly Bug-Faced Baby-Eating O'Brien?
Woman: [deep voice] Aye.
[officers jaws drop; they recover]
Mr. Arrow: Angel Marie.
Angel Marie: [an ugly creature] Aye. Aye.
Captain Smollett: Hmm... hmm... Gentlemen, may I see you in my cabin? Immediately?

Captain Smollett: WHO HIRED THIS CREW?! This is, undoubtedly, the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I've ever seen, so who hired 'em?! [pants]
[Jim and officers point at Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger]
Captain Smollett: Your finger hired the crew?
Trelawney: No, that's silly. The man who lives in my finger hired the crew - Mr. Bimble. What? Ah. He relied heavily on the advice of our excellent cook, Long John Silver.
[Smollett slumps back in his chair]
Captain Smollett: Our cook, and a guy who lives in a bear's finger?
Trelawney: Exactly!
[Mr. Arrow faceplams]
Captain Smollett: I'm starting to worry about this voyage.

Rizzo: What's wrong?
Gonzo: It just feels so weird.
Rizzo: You mean that Mr. Arrow's dead?
Gonzo: Yeah, that... and my pants are filled with starfish.
Rizzo: You and your hobbies.

Statler: "Take a cruise," you said. "See the world," you said. Now here we are, stuck on the front of this stupid ship.
Waldorf: Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience.

Mudwell the Mudbunny: [sobbing] Dead Tom's dead. Long John shot him!
Walleyed Pike: But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom.
Mudwell the Mudbunny: Oh.
[Mudwell tosses the Dead Tom puppet aside. Silver rolls his eyes.]

Zoot: Hey, man. I can't figure out what side we're on. Are we with the pirates or the frog captain?
Floyd: Oh, hey, man. Just play the gig. Never get involved with politics.
Animal: Politics! Politics!

Rizzo: Terrific. Captured by the crazed wild pigs and sacrificed hideously before a pagan altar.
Gonzo: Are we lucky or what?

Gonzo: One leg, Jim. Count'em, one.

Benjamina Gunn: You left me standing at the altar!
Captain Abraham Smollett: I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
Benjamina Gunn: You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet!

Benjamina Gunn: All right. No More Ms. Nice Pig.

(Smollet is held at swordpoint by Long John Silver)
Captain Smollet: Erm... Y'know, I never really believed violence solved anything.
Long John Silver: Allow me to disagree with you.
Jim Hawkins: (appears with sword) Kill Catain Smollet and you'll have to kill me.
Gonzo: (also appears) Kill Jim and you'll have to kill me.
Trelawney: (also appears) Kill Gonzo and you'll have to kill me.
Rizzo: (also appears) Kill Trelawney and Mr. Bimbo... annnd you'll have to negotiate strenuously.

Cast[edit]

Live-action actors

Muppet performers

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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