My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

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My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is an animated television series based on the My Little Pony franchise. The series focuses on the unicorn Twilight Sparkle and her adventures with the other residents of her hometown of Ponyville, as she studies friendship by decree of the Equestrian ruler, Princess Celestia.

Contents

[edit] Season 1

[edit] Friendship is Magic, part 1

Rarity: Oh my stars, darling! Whatever happened to your coiffure?
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, you mean my mane? Well, it's a long story. I'm just here to check on the decorations, and then I'll be out of your hair.
Rarity: Out of my hair? What about your hair?

[edit] Friendship is Magic, part 2

Twilight Sparkle: I read all about the prediction of Nightmare Moon. Some mysterious objects called the Elements of Harmony are the only things that can stop her, but I don't know what they are, where to find them... I don't even know what they do!
Pinkie Pie: "The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide".
Twilight Sparkle: How did you find that?
Pinkie Pie: [singing] It was under "E"!
Twilight Sparkle: Oh.

[edit] The Ticket Master

Twilight Sparkle: [screams] Quiet!!!
[Everyone stops talking, except for Pinkie Pie]
Pinkie Pie: ...and then I said, "Oatmeal? Are you crazy?!" [awkward pause] Oh.
Rarity: We will be the belles of ball, you and I. Everyone will be clamoring for our attention. All eyes will be on us! And then everyone will finally know the most beautiful, most talented, the most sophisticated pony in all Equestria is Rarity the Unicorn! Oh... and Twilight Sparkle, of course [laughs]

[edit] Applebuck Season

Applejack: Are you saying my mouth is making promises my legs can't keep?
Big McIntosh: Eeyup.
Applejack: Why bother...! This is your sister Applejack, remember? The loyalest of friends and the most dependable of ponies?
Big McIntosh: But still only one pony. And one pony plus hundreds of apple trees just doesn't add up to...
Applejack: Don't you use your fancy mathematics to muddy the issue! I said I could handle this harvest, and I'm going to prove it to you!
Twilight Sparkle: Welcome, everypony! Today we are here to honor a pony we can always count on to help in matters great and small. A pony whose contributions to-
Rainbow Dash: [flies in] Did you see Applejack's slick moves out there? What an athlete! This week she's gonna help me with my new flying trick, and I know, it's gonna be SO AWESOME!!
Twilight Sparkle: [pushes her away] Exactly. And-
Pinkie Pie: [pops up behind the podium] This week, I get to run Sugarcube Corner for the first time.
Twilight Sparkle: What does that have to do with Applejack?
Pinkie Pie: [awkward pause] Oh, Applejack, one of the best bakers ever is gonna help me! Applejack makes everything great, so free samples for everypony!
Twilight Sparkle: Okay... that's great. Now if I could just make a point without being inter-
Fluttershy: [appears] Twilight?
Twilight Sparkle: -rupted.
Fluttershy: Twilight, I'm so sorry, but I just wanted to mention that Applejack is also helping me this week with the official bunny census, where we count up all the new baby bunnies that were born this season. She's gonna help gather them using her wonderful herding skills.
Twilight Sparkle: Anyone else? Anyone? No? Well then, as I was trying to say... [sees the Mayor wanting to speak, throws her papers] Ugh, never mind!

[edit] Griffon the Brush Off

Pinkie Pie: [about Gilda] She's a grump, a thief, and a bully! The meanest kind of meanie-pants there is! I can take it, but no-one treats Fluttershy that way. This calls for extreme measures, Pinkie Pie style!
Fluttershy: [nervously] Umm, Pinkie Pie, about this party for Gilda, umm, do you really think its a good idea? I mean...
Pinkie Pie: Don't you worry your pretty little head about mean old Gilda! Your Auntie Pinkie Pie has it all taken care of! [hops off]
Fluttershy: I'm a year older than you.
Gilda: This.. is your idea of a good time?! I've never met a lamer bunch of dweebs in all my life! And Pinkie Pie... you! You are "Queen Lame-o" with your weak little party pranks! Did you really think you could make me lose my cool? Well, Dash and I have ten times as much cool as the rest of you put together! Come on, Dash. We're bailing on this pathetic scheme... Come on, Rainbow Dash, I said we're leaving!
Rainbow Dash: You know, Gilda? I was the one who set up all those "weak pranks" at this party...
Gilda: ...What?!
Pinkie Pie: Ooh...
Rainbow Dash: So I guess I'm "Queen Lame-o"...

[edit] Boast Busters

Rarity: My, my, my, what boasting.
Spike: Come on, no pony is magical as Twi... Twi... Twi... oh humhum... Oh hey, Rarity! I uh... Mustache! [dashes off]
Trixie: Well, well, well, it seems we have some neigh-sayers in the audience! Who is so ignorant as to challenge the magical ability of The Great and Powerful Trixie?! Do they not know that they're in the presence of the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria?
Rarity: Rainbow Dash and Applejack may act like ruffians, but Rarity conducts herself with beauty and grace.
Trixie: Ooh, what's the matter? Afraid you'll get a hair out of place in that "rat's nest" you call a mane?
Rarity: [angry] Oh, it is on!

[edit] Dragonshy

Twilight Sparkle: You have a wonderful talent dealing with all kinds of animals.
Fluttershy: Yes, because they're not dragons...
Rainbow Dash: Oh come on! We've seen you walk up to a horrible manticore like it was nothing.
Fluttershy: Yes, because he wasn't a dragon.
Pinkie Pie: Spike is a dragon. You're not scared of him.
Fluttershy: Yes, because he wasn't a huge, gigantic, terrible, enormous, teeth-gnashing, sharp scale-having, horn-wearing, smoke-snoring, could-eat-a-pony-in-one-bite, totally-all-grown-up dragon.
Rainbow Dash: Alright, that's it! We've tried persuasion [pans to Twilight], charm [pans to Rarity], [pans to Pinkie Pie, who is dressed like a birthday gift with balloons and streamers] whatever it is Pinkie Pie does... [Pinkie Pie blows a noisemaker]

[edit] Look Before You Sleep

Rarity: [angry] OK. I dare Applejack to play "dress-up" in a frou-frou, glittery, lacey outfit!
Applejack: [gasps, walks off, and returns in a frou-frou glittery lacey outfit] Happy?
Rarity: Very..
Applejack: I'd like to tell ya'll the terrifying tale of the prissy ghost, who drove everypony crazy with her unnecessary neatness! Oooooohhhhhoooooooohhh! I'm sure ya'll are familiar with that one?
Rarity: Never heard of it. But I have a much better one... It's the horrifying story of the messy inconsiderate ghost, who irritated everypony within a hundred miles! Oooooohhhhhoooooooohhh!
Applejack: That's not a real story. You made it up!
Rarity: It is a ghost story. They're all made up...

[edit] Bridle Gossip

Spike: This is hilarious! Look at all of you. We got Hair-ity, Rainbow Crash, Spittie Pie, Apple-tini, Flutterguy, and... I got nothin'. "Twilight Sparkle"... I mean, seriously. I can't even work with that.
Twilight Sparkle: This is no joke, Spike!
Pinkie Pie: [muffled by her tied tongue] Sthe sthtole my sthong! [unintelligible yelling]
Rarity: She stole your song?
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, Pinkie, that doesn't sound anything like your song.
[Pinkie Pie pauses for a moment, and then gets Fluttershy to "sing" it]
Fluttershy: [in a spoken-word, male deadpan voice] She's an evil enchantress and she does evil dances, and if you look deep in her eyes she'll put you in trances. And what would she'll do? She'll mix up an evil brew, and she'll gobble you up in a big, tasty stew. So, watch out.

[edit] Swarm of the Century

[Two ponies have put up a banner reading "Welcome Princess Celest"]

Twilight Sparkle: What happened to the rest of her name?
Golden Harvest: We couldn't fit it all in.
Twilight Sparkle: You can't hang a banner that says "Welcome Princess Celest"; take it down and try again!
Pinkie Pie: Ugh! A parasprite?! Are you kidding?!
Fluttershy: "Ugh"?
Twilight Sparkle: A para-what?
Fluttershy: How could you not like--?
Pinkie Pie: Ugh! Now I need to find a trombone...
Twilight Sparkle: ...A what?
Pinkie Pie: A trombone, you know! [makes a trombone noise]
Twilight Sparkle: Ahh, typical Pinkie.
Pinkie Pie: Hey! What happened to the princess?
Twilight Sparkle: Emergency in Fillydelphia...
Rainbow Dash: Some sort of... infestation.
Pinkie Pie: Oh no! Have they got parasprites too? Well... Have tuba, will travel!
Twilight Sparkle: I think the princess can handle it...

[edit] Winter Wrap Up

Twilight Sparkle: Scarf? Check. Saddle? Check. Boots? Check. Spike refusing to get up and going back to sleep? Check. It's a good thing I'm so organized. I'm ready!
Spike: Well, you're good at a lot of things... Just not nest making, ice skating, animal waking, snow clearing...
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, thanks a lot for making me feel sooo much better.
Spike: That's what I'm here for, sister.
Applejack: Nuts Twilight, you used magic.
Spike: The nerve. Can you believe her?
Applejack: That's not how we do it 'round here, Twilight, and especially not on MAH farm.
Twilight Sparkle: Well, see, I just wanted to... oh.

[edit] Call of the Cutie

Apple Bloom: I really don't see how that's supposed to make me feel better. It probably means that being last one in your class to get a cutie mark runs in the family. Runs in the family... Runs in the family! Runs in the family!! You got apples for your cutie mark; Granny Smith has an apple pie, Big Macintosh has an apple half, my unique talent has something to do with apples! Apples! Apples! Apples!
Silver Spoon: See you this weekend...
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon: Blank Flanks!
Apple Bloom: So, what does my cutie mark look like? A shoppin' bag full of apples? A satisfied customer eating an apple? Hmm, maybe I gotta increase my sales figures first... [sees a plum-colored pony trying to dig into a basket of apples] You touch it, you buy it! [under her breath] We take cash or credit.
Applejack: I'm sorry, ma'am [the pony runs off] Ma'am?! Ohhh... Now, Apple Bloom, you can't just...!
Apple Bloom: [dumps apples into someone else's shopping bag] That'll be four bits!
Bon Bon: [agitated] I didn't put those in my bag!
Apple Bloom: Likely story. Four bits, lady!
Scootaloo: I said, you got a problem with blank flanks?
Silver Spoon: The problem is, I mean, she's like, totally not special.
Sweetie Belle: No, it means she's full of potential.
Scootaloo: It means she could be great at anything. The possibilities are, [imitating Diamond Tiara] like, endless.
Sweetie Belle: She could be a great scientist, or an amazing artist, or a famous writer, she could even be mayor of Ponyville some day...
Scootaloo: ...and she's not stuck being stuck-up like you two.
Rainbow Dash: Wow, looks like some pony's got a dark cloud hanging over her head. Let me do something about that. What's the matter, kid?
Apple Bloom: There's a cute-ceañera this afternoon and everypony in my class will be there and they'll all have their cutie marks and I wanna get my cutie mark but I'm no good at sellin' apples but I really wanna go to the party but how can I go to the party if I don't have my cutie mark which my big sister says I'm gonna get eventually but... I want it now!

[edit] Fall Weather Friends

Applejack: But... have you ever run a race?
Twilight Sparkle: Well, no. But I do know a lot about running.
Rainbow Dash: And you know this from...
Twilight Sparkle: Books. I read several on the subject.
'Rainbow Dash: What did you read... the Egghead's Guide to Running? Did you stretch up your... eye muscles to warm up? [laughs] Get it? "Eye muscles"?!
Spike: You know Pinkie, these two ponies have a bit of a grudge match they're trying to settle, trying to prove who's the most athletic.
Pinkie Pie: Yes, and "grudge" rhymes with "fudge"!
Spike: Yes it... does? Wha?
Pinkie Pie: And I like fudge, but if I eat too much fudge I get a pudge and then I can't budge.
Spike: So, no fudge?
Pinkie Pie: No thanks, I had a big breakfast.

[edit] Suited for Success

Rarity: Aren't you going to tell me to change something too?
Rainbow Dash: No, I just want my dress to be cool.
Rarity: Do you not like the color?
Rainbow Dash: The color's fine, just make it look cooler.
Rarity: Do you not like the shape?
Rainbow Dash: The shape's fine, just make the whole thing you know, cooler. It needs to be about 20% cooler.
Hoity Toity: [about Rarity's dresses] Oh, those amateurish designs look like a piled-on mish-mash of everything but the kitchen sink!
[The crowd laughs, while Rarity pushes a kitchen sink away]
Hoity Toity: It's a travesty, it's what it is. Those outfits are the ugliest things I've ever seen, oh for shame! Who is responsible for subjecting our eyes to these horrors, not to mention wasting my valuable time?
Rarity: [sobbing] Leave me alone! I want to be alone! I want to wallow in... whatever it is that ponies are supposed to wallow in! Do ponies wallow in pity? Oh, listen to me! I don't even know what I'm supposed to wallow in! I'm so pathetiiic!
Twilight Sparkle: Now what do we do?
Fluttershy: Uh, panic?
Rainbow Dash: That's your answer for everything!
Applejack: Well we can't just leave Rarity like this!
Pinkie Pie: She'll become a crazy cat lady!
Twilight Sparkle: [deadpan] She only has one cat.
Pinkie Pie: Give her time...

[edit] Feeling Pinkie Keen

Pinkie Pie: It's my tail! It's my tail! It's a-twitchin' twitchin'! And you know what that means...
Twilight Sparkle: Actually, Pinkie, I haven't the slightest idea.
Pinkie Pie: The twitching means my Pinkie Sense is telling me stuff is gonna start falling.
Twilight Sparkle: Okay, take this down... [watches Pinkie Pie's through binoculars attached to her wheelchair] Twitchy ... tail.
Spike: [writing] Twitchy tail ... huh?! [screaming] Twitchy Tail!!
Twilight Sparkle: Hush Spike, we can't let Pinkie know we're here, remember?
Spike: Something's gonna fall! Something's gonna fall! Run for your lives! Ahahahaaaah! [runs off]
Twilight Sparkle: [angered] Ahh Spike, honestly, you're overreacti-
[A flowerpot lands on her head, followed by an anvil, a haycart, and a piano. Up above, a guilty-looking Derpy Hooves is seen alongside several other pegasus employees of a moving company.]

[edit] Sonic Rainboom

Rainbow Dash: Now that you've learned the elements of a good cheer, let's hear one!
Fluttershy: Yay.
Rainbow Dash: Ugh, you're gonna cheer for me like that? Louder.
Fluttershy: Yay.
Rainbow Dash: Louder.
Fluttershy: Yay.
Rainbow Dash: Louder!!
Fluttershy: [rears, inhales loudly] Yaaay. [Rainbow Dash falls over in disgust] Too loud?
Twilight Sparkle: Thank you so much for helping clean up all these books guys, it was a crazy weekend of studying! [Rainbow Dash crashes into the library through a window]
Fluttershy: [softly] Rainbow Dash, you rock! Woohoo... [notices the mess] Did my cheering do that?
Rainbow Dash: I just wish I could've met the Wonderbolts when they were awake. [a hoof taps on her shoulder. She turns around to see Spitfire, at the head of the Wonderbolts] Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!
Spitfire: So you're the little pony who saved our lives. We really wanted to meet you, and say thanks.
Rainbow Dash: Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!

[edit] Stare Master

Scootaloo: We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders!
Apple Bloom: And we wanna crusade for our cutie marks!
Sweetie Belle: And we um... Yeah, what they said!
Apple Bloom: [hanging out of a fireplace] Oh, how 'bout Cutie Mark Crusader Coal Miners?
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle: Yeah!
Fluttershy: No!
Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle: Awwwwww!
Fluttershy: I mean, it's time for bed, don't 'cha think? Aren't you excited to get all toasty and warm in your snuggly-wuggly widdle beds?
Apple Bloom: Snuggly-wuggly?
Fluttershy: Now that we've gotten that out of the way, how about a game?
Apple Bloom: A game?
Fluttershy: It's called "Shh."
Scootaloo: What's that?
Fluttershy: Well, it's a game about who can be quiet the longest. Sound fun? I'm the world champ, you know. I betcha can't beat me! [grins and squeaks]
Scootaloo: ...I lose!
Sweetie Belle: Me too!
Apple Bloom: Me three!

[The Cutie Mark Crusaders are trying to find a chicken that escaped into Everfree Forest. Apple Bloom had just tried to "call" the chicken by imitating chicken noises]

Scootaloo: What are you doing?
Apple Bloom: Callin' for the chicken!
Scootaloo: That is not how you call a chicken!
Apple Bloom: Oh, and you know how to call a chicken!
Scootaloo: I know that's not the way!
Apple Bloom: Then show me.
Scootaloo: I don't have to show you!
Apple Bloom: You're just chicken.
Scootaloo: Am not!
Apple Bloom: Oh wait, now I know how to call a chicken! Scootaloo! Scoot-Scootaloo!
Scootaloo: [sarcastically] That's so funny I forgot to laugh. [walks off]
Apple Bloom: You also forgot how to call a chicken.

[edit] The Show Stoppers

Applejack: Cutie Mark Crusaders, welcome to your new clubhouse! [awkward pause] Well, don't thank me all at once. This was my clubhouse when I was your age. Sure it hasn't been used in a while, but it's empty and on a secluded, private part of the farm. And it's all yours. It just needs a little, uh, TLC.
Scootaloo: TLC as in "Tender Loving Care" or "Totally Lost Cause".
Scootaloo: I'm just no good at lyrics. Coming up with words is, like, really hard.
Sweetie Belle: Oh, they can't be that bad; "With our cutie marks, we'll rock Equestria. We use our stomachs to... digest-ia"? Um? Well, these are good but...
Scootaloo: Ok, so that's six wooden planks, 4x8 plywood, a box of nails, four cans of paint, and four brushes. Anything else?
Sweetie Belle: Yeah, instructions on how to use six wooden planks, 4x8 plywood, a box of nails, four cans of paint, and four brushes.
Twilight Sparkle: "Ghosts, Goblins, and Ghoulish Figures"? Good heavens, girls, what do you need a book like this for?
Scootaloo: You'll see, thanks Twilight! We'll give it back as soon as we're done with it.
Twilight Sparkle: What do you think they're up to?
Spike: I have no idea, and I don't know if I should be excited or scared to find out.

[edit] A Dog and Pony Show

Applejack: Now, I'm used to pickin' myself up and dustin' myself off, but Rarity won't even touch mud 'less it's imported.
Rarity: [after Rover inadvertably calls her a mule] Did- did you just call me a mule?
Rover: Uh...
Rarity: Mules are ugly. Are you saying I too am ugly? [starts bawling]
Spot: What's this noise?
Rarity: [crying] He called me ugly!!! [Spot flashes an angry glare towards Rover]
Rover: No! Mule; I said 'mule'.
Rarity: An old, ugly mule! And it's true! Just look at me! I- I used to be beautiful, but now-!
Fido: No, you're still beautiful pon- er, Miss Rarity.
Rarity: [sobbing] You're just saying that!
Spot: No! You're still pretty-
Rover: And nice!
Rarity: I don't believe you!! YOU NEVER LIKED ME!! [continues crying even harder]
Rarity: I am not "whining". I am complaining. Do you want to hear "whining"? This is whining!! Ooohhhh! This harness is too tight! It's going to chafe! Can't you loosen it?! OH! It hurts and it's so rusty! Why didn't you clean it first?! It's gonna leave a stain, and the wagon's getting heavy! Why do I have to pull it?!
Spot: Aaah! Make it stop!
Rover: Stop whining!
Rarity: [whining] But I thought you wanted whining!

[edit] Green Isn't Your Color

Photo Finish: [in a thick German accent] Flootershy, it is time to make ... de magics!
Spike: I'm gonna tell you two a secret. But you have to promise not to tell anyone ..... I have a crush on Rarity!
Pinkie Pie: [gasps] We won't say a word!
Twilight Sparkle: Gimme a break, everypony already knows how you-
Pinkie Pie: Twilight! You promised Spike you wouldn't say anything. He trusts you; and losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever!
Twilight Sparkle: But..
Pinkie Pie: [pops up behind her] For-ev-er!!
Fluttershy: You promise not to tell Rarity?
Twilight Sparkle: I swear.
Fluttershy: Pinkie Pie swear?
Twilight Sparkle: Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my- [pokes her eye with a hoof] -Ah!!
Twilight Sparkle: [explaining a plan to Pinkie] On her own, Fluttershy could never do something unattractive, but if I use my magic to make her do something unattractive, Photo Finish wouldn't want her to model anymore, then Rarity wouldn't be so jealous; and I'll no longer have to keep both of their secrets! You have to promise not to tell anyone. Please?
[Pinkie mimes zipping her mouth shut, locking it with a key, digging a hole, burying the key, building a house over the hole, and moving into it]
Twilight Sparkle: So you do promise, or you don't promise?
Pinkie Pie: Uh, yeah! Obviously that's why I zipped my mouth shut, locked it with a key, then dug a hole, dropped the key into the hole, building a house over the hole, and moving into the house built over the hole.
Twilight Sparkle: [deadpan] Obviously.

[edit] Over a Barrel

Rainbow Dash: When we get to Appleloosa, do you think we'll have to carry that heavy tree all the way from the train to the orchard?
Pinkie Pie: What tree? You mean Bloomberg
Rainbow Dash: No, Fluttershy.
Pinkie Pie: Fluttershy's not a tree, silly!
Twilight Sparkle: What's going on?
Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash thinks Fluttershy's a tree!
Rainbow Dash: I do not think she's a tree! I was just--
Twilight Sparkle: Did you say she was a tree?
Rainbow Dash: No! Well, yes. But not exactly--
Twilight Sparkle: You know she's not a tree, right?
Pinkie Pie: She's not a tree, Dashy!
Fluttershy: [happily] I'd like to be a tree.
Applejack: But, Braeburn, we–
Braeburn: And here's the most wonderful sight in all of Aaaaaa-pleloosa! Our apple orchard!
Applejack: Braeburn!
Braeburn: First harvest should be any day now.
Applejack: Braebu–
Braeburn: Good thing too!
Applejack: Brae–
Braeburn: 'cause we need that grub to live on.
Applejack: [yelling] Braeburn!!
Braeburn: Uh, yes, cuz?

[edit] A Bird in the Hoof

Rarity: Don't touch me! Watch the dress! Careful! You're gonna spill that on me. Oh oh! That looks delicious, what is it? Oh! Does it stain? Keep it away from me!
Princess Celestia: A phoenix is a majestic, magical bird. While it appears healthy and happy most of the time, every so often, it must renew itself by shedding all of its feathers and bursting into flames. Rather melodramatic, if you ask me...
Mrs. Cake: Empty teacup at 4 o'clock!
Mr. Cake: Uh, I see it, honey bun!
Princess Celestia: Oh, um... thank you.
Mr. Cake: Not at all, Your Highness.

[edit] The Cutie Mark Chronicles

Scootaloo: We can start with the coolest pony in Ponyville...
Apple Bloom: Applejack!
Sweetie Belle: Rarity!
Scootaloo: No, you guys. I said "cool". You know what I'm talking about. She's fast. She's tough. She's not afraid of anything.
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle: Pinkie Pie?
Scootaloo: No! The greatest flier to ever come out of Cloudsdale.
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle: Fluttershy?
Scootaloo: No! Rainbow Dash!
Young Rarity: A rock?! That's my destiny?! What is your problem, horn?! I followed you all the way out here for a rock?! [grunts] Dumb rock!
Pinkie Pie: [concluding her story] And that's how Equestria was made!
Scootaloo: Wha? Huh?
Pinkie Pie: Maybe on the way home, I can tell you how I got my cutie mark. It's a gem.
Sweetie Belle: Oh c'mon, she's just being Pinkie Pie.

[edit] Owl's Well That Ends Well

[Spike is sleeping in a punch bowl]
Twilight Sparkle: Aww, he's worked himself to the bone.
Pinkie Pie: And now the punch has been... Spiked!
Spike: Uhh, hi there. I'm Spike. I'm sure Twilight has told you all about me.
Owloysius: Hoooo.
Spike: Uhh Spike. You know, assistant number one?
Owloysius: Hoooo?
Spike: I'm Spike! And who are you? What are you?
Owloysius: Hoooo.
Spike: Who?
Owloysius: Hoooo!
Spike: I thought your name was Owloysius?
Owloysius: Hoooo?
Spike: Ok, Who, Owloysius, whatever! I'm Spike, okay? Look, all you need to know is that I'm number one, and you're number two. Got it?
Owloysius: Hoooo?
Spike: So, man of mystery, huh? I'm keepin' my eye on you! [walks away looking backwards] I've got eyes in the back of my head too you know! [crashes into the door] Uhh, well, not really. You know what I mean!

[edit] Party of One

[Pinkie Pie is trying to interrogate Spike on why her friends won't go to her party]

Spike: Confess?
Pinkie Pie: Confess!
Spike: [hesitant] I'm the one who poured juice all over Twilight's copy of "Magical Mysteries and Practical Potions"!
Pinkie Pie: And?
Spike: [hesitant] I was the one who used up all the hot water in Ponyville taking a seven hour bubble bath!
Pinkie Pie: And?
Spike: And sometimes ... when no one's around ... I do this! [drags over a mirror, starts flexing his muscles] Lookin' good Spike! Lookin' real good!

[Pinkie Pie has turned inanimate objects into "guests" for a party none of the other ponies are attending]

Pinkie Pie: Thank you all so much for coming. It means so much to Gummy.
Pinkie Pie: [as Mr. Turnip, a bucket of turnips] Can I have some more punch?
Pinkie Pie: Of course you can have some more punch, Mr. Turnip. [twitches]
Pinkie Pie: [as Rocky, a pile of rocks] This is one great party. You've really outdone yourself!
Pinkie Pie: Why thank you, Rocky.
Pinkie Pie: [as Sir Lints-a-Lot, a bit of sofa lint] I'm having a delightful time as well.
Pinkie Pie: I'm so glad, Sir Lints-a-Lot. [twitches]
Pinkie Pie: [as Madame LeFlour, a bag of flour] Might I trouble you for another slice of cake?
Pinkie Pie: Anything for you, Madame LeFlour.
Pinkie Pie: [as Rocky] I'm just glad none of them ponies showed up!
Pinkie Pie: Oh, they're not so bad... [goes into a psychotic cross-eyed expression]
Pinkie Pie: [as Rocky] "Not so bad"? Puh-leeze! They're a buncha' losers!
Pinkie Pie: Oh come on now. "Losers" might be a bit strong, don't you think?
Pinkie Pie: [as Sir Lints-a-Lot]: After the way they treated you, I'd say "losers" isn't strong enough.
Pinkie Pie: It was pretty rude...
Pinkie Pie: [as Madame LaFlour] "Pretty rude?!" It was downright... despicable!
Pinkie Pie: It was, wasn't it?!
Pinkie Pie: [as Mr. Turnip] If I were you, I wouldn't speak to them ever again.
Pinkie Pie: You know what? I'm not going to speak to them ever again, and I'm not going to invite them to another party for as long as I live! They don't deserve to be invited to my parties; not after the way they've been acting...
Pinkie Pie: [as Rainbow Dash is trying to convince Pinkie to leave her house] I'm most certainly not leaving. I'm having a wonderful time right here.
Rainbow Dash: I mean it, Pinkie...
Pinkie Pie: [as Rocky] You heard her! She ain't goin' nowhere, chump!
Rainbow Dash: Who are you calling a chump, chump?!

[edit] The Best Night Ever

Rarity: Heavens no! We're getting dressed!
Applejack: Dressed? Uh, beg pardon Rarity, but, uh, we don't normally wear clothes.
Fluttershy: I'll catch you yet, my pretties. Oh yes, as soon as one of you little birds, or monkeys, or bears touches this net, you'll be mine! Mine! [laughs evilly, but then trips and falls into the net]
Twilight Sparkle: Well, it couldn't get any worse...
[Fluttershy suddenly bursts through the door. A large number of animals from outside start rushing in]
Fluttershy: [agitated and angry] You're... going to LOVE ME!!!
[All the other ponies start to flee, while Twilight Sparkle is dumbfounded by the scene]
Princess Celestia: [whispers] Run.

[edit] Season 2

[edit] The Return of Harmony, Part 1

Cheerilee: This creature is called a Draconequus; he has the head of a pony and a body of all sorts of other things. What do you suppose it represents?
Sweetie Belle: Confusion!
Apple Bloom: Evil!
Scootaloo: Chaos!
Sweetie Belle: It's not chaos, you dodo!
Scootaloo: Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of! And it is too chaos.
Sweetie Belle: Is not!
Apple Bloom: You're both wrong!
Twilight Sparkle: Princess Celestia, you can count on-
Pinkie Pie: [interrupts] Hold on a second! Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain, you guys! Chocolate, rain!

[Discord is trying to convince Fluttershy to go to his side by taking the form of a group of butterflies];;

Butterfly: Fluttershy, it looks like you've been left behind by your so-called friends, huh?
Fluttershy: Oh, no. I'm certain they're doing their best to find me!
Butterfly: Well, it must be so upsetting to know how weak and helpless they think you are....
Fluttershy: Not at all, I am weak and helpless, and I appreciate their understanding.
Butterfly: [frustrated] Yes.. Well, surely it burns you up... I mean, that they're always pointing out your flaws, right?
Fluttershy: Not really. In fact, I think I'm awfully lucky to have friends who want me to be the best I can be!
[The butterflies transform back into Discord's normal form]
Discord: [losing his temper] OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE! [pokes Fluttershy's head, instantly corrupting her] You've been kind for far too long, dearie. Time to be cruel! Arrivederci! [disappears in a huff]
Discord: A weighty choice is yours to make, the right selection or a big mistake. If the wrong choice you choose to pursue, the foundations of home will crumble without you.

[edit] The Return of Harmony, Part 2

Corrupted Fluttershy: [sarcastically] Hey Twilight, what's soaking wet and clueless?
Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy, I've had just about enough of... [Fluttershy dumps a bucket of water on her head]
Corrupted Fluttershy: Your face! [slams the bucket on Twilight Sparkle's head]
Spike: Aren't you missing somepony?
Twilight Sparkle: Nope. We got the liar, the grump, the hoarder, and the brute, that just about covers it.
Spike: But what about Rainbow Dash?
Twilight Sparkle: [sarcastically] Congratulations Spike, [puts Rainbow Dash's Element of Loyalty medal on Spike] you're the new Rainbow Dash. Now let's go!
Fluttershy: [to corrupted Rainbow Dash] Uhh, I'm just wondering if it's okay if I hold you down against your will for a little bit?
Discord: [laughs as he holds a glass under a cloud raining chocolate milk, which fills in reverse] Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing!
Twilight Sparkle: Not as wonderful as friendship!
Discord: Ugh, this again? [drinks the glass from the chocolate milk, and throws the milk away, where it explodes]

[edit] Lesson Zero

Rarity: Please, tell me I did not forget the plates ... I did! I totally forgot them! Out of all the things that could happen, this is the worst, possible, thing!! [spawns a fainting couch and falls onto it] Whyyyy...! Whyyyy....! Whyyyyyyyyy...!
[The other ponies are perplexed by the scene]
Rarity: What? You didn't expect me to lay on the grass, did you?
Twilight Sparkle: Now, why don't you tell me all about your issues with Applejack...
Rainbow Dash: I don't have any issues with Applejack.
Twilight Sparkle: You don't?! Then, why are you destroying her property?
Rainbow Dash: Because she asked me to. Right, Applejack?
Applejack: [puts on a helmet] Yes, ma'am! I wanted to put up a new barn, but this one's gotta come down first! [laughs] Now, get back to it, R.D.!
Twilight Sparkle: [popping out of a ball the Crusaders were playing with, with a demented expression on her face] Hi, girls!
Apple Bloom: Uh.. Hi, Twilight! How're ya doing?
Twilight Sparkle: Oh great. Just great! You look like you're doing great too. Obviously don't need the help of another gooood friend!
Twilight Sparkle: [gets out an old looking doll] This, is Smarty Pants; she was mine I when I was your age, and now I want to give it to you!
Scootaloo: [unsure] Uhh, she's great.
Apple Bloom: [unsure] Yeah, great.
Sweetie Belle: [unsure] I really like her ... mane?
Twilight Sparkle: She even comes with her own notebook and quill, for when you want to pretend she's doing her homework!
Scootaloo: That's umm, great.
Apple Bloom: Yeah, great....
[Scootaloo and Apple Bloom slap Sweetie Belle]
Sweetie Belle: I really like her ... mane?
Twilight Sparkle: I hope the fact that there are three of you and only one of her doesn't become a problem! I'd hate to cause a rift between such gooooood friends!

[edit] Luna Eclipsed

[Pinkie Pie has visited Twilight Sparkle's house expecting candy for Nightmare Night]
Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie Pie, aren't you a little old for this?
Pinkie Pie: Too old for free candy?! [squawks] Never!
Twilight Sparkle: Princess Luna? Hi, my name is --
Princess Luna: Star Swirl the Bearded. Commendable costume! Thou even got the bells right...
Twilight Sparkle: Thank you, finally! Somepony who gets my costume!
Twilight Sparkle: You kinda sound like you're yelling at me.
Princess Luna: But this is the traditional royal Canterlot voice! It is tradition to speak, using the Royal "we", and to use [louder and echoed] THIS MUCH VOLUME WHEN ADDRESSING OUR SUBJECTS!!
Twilight Sparkle: So, why do you keep running away [from Princess Luna] and screaming?
Pinkie Pie: Sometimes, it's just really fun to be scared!
Twilight Sparkle: Fun? [pauses] Pinkie Pie, you're a genius!
Pinkie Pie: No I'm not, I'm a chicken! Baw-gaak!

[edit] Sisterhooves Social

[Sweetie Belle has made breakfast, though all of it is burnt]

Rarity: [sniffs a glass of ashes] I didn't know you could burn juice.
fran: I've been giving her lessons. I wouldn't be surprised if she got a Cutie Mark in fancy cooking by the time we get back from our vacation.
Rarity: Vacation? Is that this week, as in, starting this vary instant this week?!
[Sweetie Belle serves a bowl of a burnt, bubbling substance]
Rarity: Uhh, let me guess: apple sauce?
Sweetie Belle: Nope, toast!
Applejack: Bein' sisters is a give-and-take relationship. You've been doin' a whole lot of takin', but not a lot of givin'.
Rarity: Of course I give! I give lessons, and reasonable demands-
Applejack: But you never give in. Bein' sisters is like... apple pie! You can have amazin' apples, and you can have a wonderfully crispy crust, but only together can you have a perfect apple pie.
Rarity: [to herself] But apart, all we are is just a pile of mush and some crumbly, dry mess. [gasps] I know what I need to do! I just hope it isn't too late!
Rarity: Arrrggh, Sweetie Belle! Where's her silly little arts and craft project? [sees Sweetie Belle's project, a picture of her and Rarity made from gemstones] Oh, Sweetie Belle! My one and only sister, what have I done?! All the time we could have spent together was wasted by me wishing you were gone! Why? [stops herself] No, I must find her! I MUST!! As Celestia is my witness, I shall never be sisterless again!

[edit] The Cutie Pox

[A cutie mark of a Fleur-de-lis caused by the Cutie Pox is causing Apple Bloom to speak french]
Apple Bloom: Oh no! Sacrebleu! Plus de marque de cutie! [gasps] Qu'est-ce que c'est?! Je parle français?!
Applejack: My sister's speaking in fancy!
Lily: [about Apple Bloom] She's cursed!!
Rose: Hexed!!
Daisy: Enchanted!!
Apple Bloom: Yup! All good things come to those who wait. [pause] Well! I've waited long enough.
Scootaloo: Actually, that was way too long.
Applejack: [hoping that someone will confess what happened to Zecora's "heart's desire" flower] Now time for someone to tell the truth!
Pinkie Pie: [flustered] Yesterday I told Mrs. Cake that I ate two corncakes, but I really ate three! [pauses] Okay six! I ate six corncakes! [nothing happens] Make it stop!

[edit] May the Best Pet Win!

Fluttershy: Technically he's a tortoise, and he's always dreamed of being somepony's pet. He just wants a chance to compete, he won't get in the way. You won't even know he's there...
Rainbow Dash: Alright, now these games will determine which one of you has the most important qualities I'm looking for in a pet. Speed, agility, guts, style. Coolness. Awesomeness. And radicalness.
Twilight Sparkle: Aren't those all the same thing?
Rainbow Dash: You would think that, Twilight. [starts patting her head] And that's why you would never qualify to be my pet. [dashes off]
Rainbow Dash: Listen, turtle...
Fluttershy: [pokes through the curtain] Tortoise.
Rainbow Dash: Whatever!

[edit] The Mysterious Mare Do Well

Twilight Sparkle: Are you taking notes?
Spike: Yup! I've been hoof-picked by Rainbow Dash herself, to write her autobiography!
Twilight Sparkle: Umm, autobiographies are supposed to be written by the pony they are about.
Rainbow Dash: Maybe for your normal, run-of-the-mill ponies. But I'm far too busy saving lives to stop and write. That's why I hired Spike as my ghost writer.
Pinkie Pie: [overhears the conversation] Ahhh! Spike's a ghost! [quickly dashes out of the room]
Rainbow Dash: How would you describe what I just did? Would you say I was amazing?
Amethyst Star: Aren't you milking this a bit?
Twilight Sparkle: It sounds like somepony is jealous.
Spike: [writing] Rainbow Dash is jealous.
Rainbow Dash: Don't write that, Spike! [all the other ponies laugh]
Spike: [writing] Correction; Rainbow Dash is very jealous.

[edit] Sweet and Elite

Rarity: [at the formal] Uhhh... I think I left the bathwater running in my suite.
Rarity: [at Twilight Sparkle's party] I really should go check on Opal.
Rarity: [at the formal] Is that Princess Celestia?
Rarity: [at Twilight Sparkle's party] I need to use the little fillies' room
Rarity: [at the formal] Can I get anypony more punch?
Rarity: [exhausted] I... have to... go to do... the... thing... with the stuff... you know...?
Rainbow Dash: [at Twilight Sparkle's party] Uh, what's with the croquet mallet?
Rarity: [holding one in her mouth] What cohkay mauwwet?
Rainbow Dash: Duh, the one in your mouth?
Rarity: [drops the mallet, laughs nervously] Ooh, that croquet mallet!

[edit] Secret of My Excess

Spike: Rarity... I need to tell you something, just in case we don't make it! I've always sort of had a crush... [Rarity stops him, and looks back at him with teary eyes]
[Pinkie Pie is using cakes as projectiles to fend off Spike]
Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie Pie! Stop giving him cake!
Pinkie Pie: [angry] I'm not giving him cake! I'm assaulting him with cake!

[edit] Hearth's Warming Eve

Commander Hurricane, Princess Platinum, and Chancelor Puddinghead: We found our new home!
[The three notice their simultaneous claims]
Commander Hurricane: I planted my flag first!
Princess Platinum: Did not!
Commander Hurricane: Did too!
Chancelor Puddinghead: [cheerfully] I planted mine earlier than first! [her flag falls over]
Princess Platinum: All of you riff-raff are trespassing on Unicornia!
Commander Hurricane: The name is Pegasopolis!
Chancelor Puddinghead: Earth!
Smart Cookie: Wouldn't it have been easier to use the door, Chancellor?
Chancelor Puddinghead: Maybe for you, Smart Cookie. But I am a chancellor. I was elected because I know how to think outside the box. Which means [goes into the fireplace] I can also think inside the chimney! Can you think inside a chimney?
Smart Cookie: I...
Chancelor Puddinghead: [walks by with coal soot covering her face] I didn't think so!
Private Pansy: Well, I don't hate you... I actually hate Commander Hurricane a lot more than I hate you guys.
Smart Cookie and Clover the Clever: [giggling]
Private Pansy: Actually, I don't really hate her, I just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really dislike her.

[edit] Family Appreciation Day

Apple Bloom: Ready, Granny!
Granny Smith: Ready for what?
Apple Bloom: For makin' Zap Apple Jam!
Granny Smith: Darn tootin'! It's time for some good old-fashioned Zap Apple Jammin'!
Apple Bloom: Yes mam, I can't wait mam!
Granny Smith: [pauses] Wait for what?
Apple Bloom: To make Zap Apple Jam with you!
Granny Smith: O'course.
Apple Bloom: I'll be embarrassed, shamed, disgraced, mortified, humiliate-
Scootaloo: What are you, a dictionary?

[edit] Baby Cakes

Mr. Cake: Now, Pinkie Pie, are you sure you really understand the responsibility of watching over two babies?
Pinkie Pie: I can be responsible. Why, responsibility is my middle name. Pinkie Responsibility Pie.
[Pinkie Pie is trying to give a stand-up comedy performance for Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake]
Pinkie Pie: Hey, you're a wonderful crowd here tonight, where y'all from? [Pumpkin Cake tries to grab at the broom "microphone"] Well that's great, I used to have an ant farm, but I had to get rid of it 'cause I couldn't find tractors that small! [awkward pause]
Pinkie Pie: Get it? Tractors that small? [awkward pause] The other day, I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now I can't find him! [plays a rimshot]
Pound and Pumpkin Cake: [crying]
Pinkie Pie: Oooh, tough crowd. [back at the stage] Tell me about it.
Applejack: Now how in thunderation is one of them twins a pegasus, and the other one a unicorn?
Mr. Cake: Easy. My great-great-great-great grandfather was a unicorn, and Cup Cake's great aunt's second cousin twice removed was a pegasus. That makes sense, right?
Rainbow Dash: Aw yeah, just you wait! Once little Pound Cake gets his wings going, he'll be all over the place.
Twilight Sparkle: And be careful around Pumpkin Cake.
Rarity: Baby unicorns get strange magic surges that come and go.

[edit] The Last Roundup

Rainbow Dash: [gets hit by a lightning bolt] Huh?! Now, careful Derpy! [flies up to the sight of Derpy hopping on top of a storm cloud] You don't wanna do more damage than you've already done. [The top of the Town Hall collapses]
Derpy Hooves: I just don't know what went wrong! [gets electrocuted by the cloud]
Rainbow Dash: [sarcastically] Yeah, it's a mystery.
Pinkie Pie: [to Applejack] I like funny words! One of my favorite funny words is "kumquat"! I didn't make that one up. I would work in a kumquat orchard just so I could say kumquat all day! Kumquat, kumquat, kumquat! And "pickle barrel"! Isn't that just the funnest thing to say? Pickle barrel, pickle barrel, pickle barrel! Say it with me! Pickle barrel kumquat! Pickle barrel kumquat! Pickle barrel kumquat! Chimmy-cherry-changa!
Applejack: [yelling over Pinkie] Nooooooo! Make it stop! Make it stop!
Rainbow Dash: [covers Pinkie Pie's mouth] The only way to make it stop is for you to spill the beans!
Applejack: Never!
[Pinkie Pie breaks free and keeps rambling on]
Pinkie Pie: ...Speaking of beans; did you ever realize how many words rhyme with "beans"? Mean, lean, spleen, unclean, bean!
Applejack: Alright, alright! I'll tell everypony what's goin' on, just please stop talkin'!?
Applejack: I'm sorry, Pinkie, but I can't tell y'all the truth! I just can't!
Pinkie Pie: Well, I heard a "sorry" in there, so that’ll have to do for now. I’ll get a real apology later! [jumps off the cart] Rarity, catch me!
Rarity: What?! Pinkie! [Pinkie Pie slams into Rarity on her cart, knocking them both off]
Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow! Go back!
Rainbow Dash: No time! They knew what they were getting into!

[edit] The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000

Twilight Sparkle: Isn't this exciting, Spike? Opening day of cider season!
Spike: Yeah! That means it's only thirty more days 'til sapphire season!
Flam: Drink up, Ponyville! Down the hatch!
[A group of ponies drink the cider, only to spit it back at the Flim-Flam Brothers]
Cherry Berry: Ahhhh, I can't get the taste off my tongue!
Bon Bon: Mine's got rocks in it!
Comet Tail: I wouldn't pay one cent for this dreck!
Flam: You wouldn't pay even one cent?
Crowd: No!

[edit] Read It And Weep

Twilight Sparkle: Hey Rarity, hey Pinkie Pie, what are you looking at?
Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash! Isn't she the most daring devil- I mean devilish darer- I mean-
Rarity: She's dazzling..
Pinkie Pie: Yeah! I love reading, and my head isn't even close to the shape of an egg! It's more the shape of an apple, or maybe an orange, but a big orange, more like a grapefruit really...
Rainbow Dash: I hate to admit this to myself, and I would really hate admitting it to my friends, but... I love this story. I- I love reading! [eyes widen in realization] I'm an egghead!
Applejack: There's no reason to go around causin' a ruckus-
Pinkie Pie: Fracas!
Applejack: ...causin' a fracas just because you like to read

[an in-story confrontation between Daring-Do and Ahuizotl]

Daring Do: You won't get away with this!
Ahuizotl: But I already have.

[edit] Hearts And Hooves Day

Cheerilee: Would you three like to tell us why it was so very important that we meet you her-
Sweetie Belle: -Punch!
Cheerilee: Excuse me?
Sweetie Belle: Punch! We made punch. We were gonna set up a stand and try to sell it but, heh, we needed somepony to taste-test it first.
Apple Bloom: Yup.
Sweetie Belle: [hesitant] We thought you two would be perfect together... To test it... Together. So, ah, we'll just leave you two alone... Together, to test it.
Cheerilee: Big Mac?
Big Macintosh: Eeyup?
Cheerilee: ...you have something stuck in your teeth.
Sweetie Belle: [emerges from a bush in the background] Oh come on! [Scootaloo drags her back down]
Cheerilee: He's my shmoopy-doopy sweedy-weedy pony pie!
Big Macintosh: You're my shmoopy-doopy sweedy-weedy pony pie.
Apple Bloom: Did he just say...?
[Both of them gain hypnotic swirls in their eyes]
Cheerilee: You're my cutie-patootie lovey-dovey honey-bunny!
Big Macintosh: You're my heartie-smartie smirchy-wirchy baby-waby.
Apple Bloom: Big Mac! [waves a hoof in his face] Hello?! What's going on?!

[edit] A Friend In Deed

Pinkie Pie: C'mon now, Doodle, give a smile!
Cranky Doodle Donkey: Nopony calls me "Doodle"!
Pinkie Pie: [after Cranky tells Pinkie that he will never 'ever ever ever ever' be her friend] That's four evers. That's like, forever!
Pinkie Pie: Oh. Was that your wig?
Cranky Doodle Donkey: [growls]
Pinkie Pie: I can fix this, I can fix this! [gets out a megaphone] Hey, everypony! Does anypony have a toupee? [The other ponies around her are confused] This donkey is really, really, bald! [The other ponies laugh] What's so funny? This is serious business, everypony! Cranky needs a new wig to cover his hairless head!
Pinkie Pie: Woohoo! This is just fantastic! Ooh, now we can hang out together, and chat, and sing songs, and [gasps] party! Oh, I can throw you guys a big party! It'll be called a "Welcome to Ponyville, I found my lost love, I'm BFF's with Pinkie Pie Party" ...Or maybe something less over-the-top and not so super-hyper.

[edit] Putting Your Hoof Down

Iron Will: He’s blocking your path. What are you gonna do about it?
Fluttershy: Um, politely walk around him?
Iron Will: No.
Fluttershy: Gingerly tip-toe around him?
Iron Will: No!
Fluttershy: Go back home, and try again tomorrow?
Iron Will: Never apologize when you can criticize.
Pinkie Pie: Old Fluttershy? New Fluttershy?
Rarity: What happened to nice Fluttershy? We want that Fluttershy back.
Fluttershy: No, you want wimp Fluttershy. You want pushover Fluttershy. You want "do-whatever-you-want-to-her-and-she-won't-complain" Fluttershy.
Pinkie Pie: Aaaahh! Too many Fluttershys to keep track of! Make it stop!
Rarity: Let's not let things descend into petty insults.
Fluttershy: Why not? I thought petty is what you're all about, with your petty concerns about fashion.

[Rarity starts tearing up]

Pinkie Pie: Hey, leave Rairty alone! Fashion is her passion!
Fluttershy: Oh, and what are you passionate about? Birthday cake? Party hats? I can't believe the two most frivilous ponies in Ponyville are telling New Fluttershy how to live her life; [Rarity and Pinkie Pie look as though they're starting to cry] when they're throwing their own lives away on pointless pursuits THAT NOPONY ELSE GIVES A FLYING FEATHER ABOUT!
Pinkie Pie: Looks like nasty Fluttershy is here to stay!
Rarity: I can't believe what that monster Iron Will has done to you.

[Rarity and Pinkie Pie run away crying]

Fluttershy: Iron Will's not a monster ... [screams] HE'S A MINOTAUR!!

[edit] It's About Time

Twilight Sparkle: Who are you? I mean, you're me, but I'm me too. How can there be two 'me's? It's not scientifically possible. You are not scientifically possible!
Future Twilight Sparkle: Twilight, please! I have a very important message for you from the future!
Twilight Sparkle: You're from the future?!
Future Twilight Sparkle: That's right, now listen-
Twilight Sparkle: What happened to you? The future must be awful.
Future Twilight Sparkle: Please! I don't have much time!
Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie!
Pinkie Pie: Yes, Twilight?
Twilight Sparkle: Do you have a ball I could borrow?
Pinkie Pie: [goes to a tree and takes a ball out of a crack] I have balls stashed all over Ponyville, in case of ball emergencies.
Pinkie Pie: [After a giant 3-headed dog has escaped from it's prison, she's speaking to a crowd of shocked ponies] Okay everypony! Follow my lead! [screams and runs away, and the town follows suit]

[edit] Dragon Quest

Rarity: Yes. You've got something those dreadfully fierce dragons can only dream of.
Spike: [excited] What's that?
Rarity: The cutest wittle chubby cheeks!
[Rarity rolls out a red carpet with confetti in front of a trench, wearing a purple and gold camouflage-inspired outfit]
Rarity: Well... what do you think? Am I the toast of the trench or what?
Applejack: [whispering] You'll be toast alright, when the dragons see you parading around in that getup.
Twilight Sparkle: [whispering] You look very nice, Rarity, but could you maybe look nice down here in the trench with us?
Rarity: Nice is an understatement. I look fabulous! Who says camouflage has to be drab?
Spike: Count me out. I've gotta get an early start!
Rarity: An early start?
Spike: Yes! I'm going on a quest of self-discovery! I'm going to learn what it means to be a dragon! And the only way I'm gonna do that is to join the Dragon Migration!
Twilight Sparkle, Rarity and Rainbow Dash: What?!?
Garble: [about the poorly built dragon costume] Who's this weirdo?
Purple dragon: I think he's Crackle's cousin.
[Crackle is shown to be an actual dragon which looks like the costume]
Garble: Oh, that would explain it.

[edit] Hurricane Fluttershy

Cloudchaser: What exactly does this machine do?
Twilight Sparkle: This is an anemometer. It measures your accelerative velocity and translates it into wing power, thus gauging your cumulative H2O anti-gravitational potential. Any other questions?
Flitter: Yeah. [to Spike] What exactly does this machine do?
Spike: It tells you how fast you're flying and how strong your wings are.
Fluttershy: [crying over failing to meet the wingpower level Rainbow Dash needs for the tornado. A squirrel comes up and offers Fluttershy an acorn] Thank you, but I don't think a couple of nuts will solve my big flying problem. [the animals chatter] I tried, but you should have seen those ponies laughing at me. [a group of birds try to lift Fluttershy's hair off of her face] I know it's important to have confidence in myself. [a badger chatters to Fluttershy] Yes, I do remember. The river was swelling- and you were scared. I did tell you to never give up, and to believe in yourself. You're right, my friends! I won't give up. I'll get my confidence back, and show everypony that I am a good flyer. A great flyer!
Fluttershy: Oh, Rainbow Dash, I just can't do it! I can't fly!
Rainbow Dash: What are you talking about? Just last week, you went into that wicked nosedive to save a falling baby bird right before it hit the ground.
Fluttershy: But that was different! That was an emergency, but this whole tornado thing, it's more like a performance. And you know how I hate performing in front of others. Don't you remember Flight Camp? I couldn't gallop hard or fly fast. Not with everypony looking at me.
Rainbow Dash: It wasn't that bad.
Fluttershy: You're right. It wasn't bad. It was horrible! [Fluttershy flash backs to practicing in Flight Camp, with her wings locking up after the coach nudges her off the cloud platform. She crash-lands into the clouds below] All the other foals used to tease me... a lot!
Foals: Fluttershy! Fluttershy! Fluttershy can hardly fly!
Fluttershy: [flashback ends] I just can't risk that sort of humiliation again!
Rainbow Dash: Suck it up, Fluttershy! This is no time for- I mean, confidence or no confidence, I'm going to need every pegasus to practice in order to break the record, including you. I'm gonna need all the wingpower I can get.
Fluttershy: [sadly] I don't think so, Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash: [disappointed] Thanks anyway.
Fluttershy: Wait! I'll do it.
Rainbow Dash: [perks up excitedly] You will?
Fluttershy: I will.
Rainbow Dash: You're game?
Fluttershy: I'm game.
Rainbow Dash: [scooping Fluttershy up in a hug] All right!

[edit] Ponyville Confidential

Applejack: [reading the tabloid] “Applejack, asleep on the job!” Can y'all believe this?! And this one [sees a picture of Big Macintosh playing with the Smarty Pants doll from "Lesson Zero"]: “Big Macintosh – what's he hiding?” Who the hay does this Gabby Gums think she is?
Twilight Sparkle: Listen to this one. “Twilight Sparkle: I was a Canterlot snob. A well-placed scaly source close to the prissy pony says Twilight Sparkle thinks Ponyville is nothing but muddy roads and low-class rooves.”
Twilight Sparkle: We've got to put a stop to this once and for all! Sweetie Belle's on the newspaper staff. Maybe she knows who Gabby Gums is!
Rarity: [gasps] My sister would never associate with anyone as beastly as Gabby Gums! I resent you even suggesting such a thing, Twilight! Why, she's the most innocent, most lovely-
Rarity: -most evil pony in Equestria!

[edit] MMMystery on the Friendship Express

Pinkie Pie: Well the tastiest treat of all is sure to be the Cakes' Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. All that rich, creamy goodness of the marzipan combined with the tart and tanginess of the mascarpone, blended perfectly with the smooth silky sweetness of the meringue. That's why I call the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness the "MMMM"!
All: MMMM!
Pinkie Pie: Huh? Who turned out the moon? Don't go near that cake, thief! [galloping]
Pinkie Pie: Stop thief! [clang]
Pinkie Pie: Oh, are you okay thief? [growls] Huh... overreacting my hoof. I knew I was going to have to keep a close eye on you, and that's just what I'm gonna do. [snores]
Pinkie Pie: [snores] Huh? What? [gasps] The cake! Oh MMMM, you look mmmm-marvelous.
Twilight Sparkle: Whoa!
Pinkie Pie: I know. I think some congratulations are in order for a job well done.
Twilight Sparkle: Um, you better hold off on giving yourself an award just yet Pinkie... look!
Pinkie Pie: Look at what? Huh? [gasps]

[edit] A Canterlot Wedding part 1

Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, great news. That I just got from a wedding invitation! Not from my brother, but from a piece of paper! Thanks a lot, Shining Armor. I mean, really, he couldn't tell me personally? [mimics Shining Armor, using magic to make a sandwich "talk"] Hey, Twilight, just thought you should know I'm making a really big decision that changes everything. Oh, nevermind, you'll hear about it when you get the invitation.
Twilight Sparkle: Princess Mi Amore Cadenza? Who in the hoof is that?! [snorts]
Twilight Sparkle: Shining Armor's in real trouble! You have to help-
[The rest of the ponies continue chattering. Twilight Sparkle notices their outfits]
Twilight Sparkle: Dresses? What are you..?!
Fluttershy: Can you believe it? We're gonna be Princess Mi Amore Cadenza's new bridesmaids!
Twilight Sparkle: "New" bridesmaids? What happened to her old bridesmaids?
Applejack: She didn't say. But she did tell us that she would love, love, love it if we'd fill in for them.
Princess Cadance: [about the bridesmaids' dresses] And those should be a different color.
Twinkleshine: I think they're lovely.
Minuette: Me too!
Lyra Heartstrings: I love them.
Princess Cadance: [angrily] Make them a different color.
Twilight Sparkle: [left alone after she drove off Cadance by claiming she was evil] Maybe I was too overprotective [of Shining Armor]. I could have gained a sister; but instead, I just lost a brother. [after singing a reprise of "BBBFF", Cadance comes back, and strokes Twilight's hair; crying] I'm sorry.
Princess Cadance: [menacingly] You will be. [sends Twilight sinking down into the mines of the castle, while smirking evily]

[edit] A Canterlot Wedding part 2

Princess Cadance: No! Wait! Ugh! Please! Don't hurt me! Twilight, it's me! Please, you have to believe me. I've been imprisoned like you. The Cadance who brought you down here was an imposter.
Twilight Sparkle: Likely story!
Princess Cadance: Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves...
Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance: ...and do a little shake.
Twilight Sparkle: You remember me!
Princess Cadance: Of course I do. How could I forget the filly I loved to sit for the most?
Queen Chrysalis: [disguised as Cadance; sung] This day is going to be perfect. The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small. Everypony will gather around, say I look lovely in my gown. What they don't know is that I have fooled them all!
Princess Cadance: [sung] This day was going to be perfect. The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small. But instead of having cake with all my friends to celebrate; My wedding bells, they may not ring for me at all.
[A Changeling, about to attack Pinkie Pie, transforms into Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy]
Pinkie Pie: Oh! Oh! Do me, do me!
[The changeling rolls its eyes, then turns into Pinkie Pie]
Pinkie Pie: Meh, I've seen better. [Grabs Twilight and uses her like a machine gun]
Applejack: Sorry, Twi. We should've listened to you.
Twilight Sparkle: It's not your fault. She fooled everypony.

[edit] Season 3

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