Nipsey Russell
Nipsey Russell (15 September 1918 – 2 October 2005) was a comedian best known for his appearances as a guest panelist on many game shows in the 1970s and 80s, and for his performance as the Tin Man in the film The Wiz. He is often referred to as "the poet laureate of television" because of his signature saucy 4-line rhymes.
[edit] Quotes
- Help a man when he is in trouble;
- Help him and never complain
- For surely that man will remember you!
- ...When he is in trouble again.
- I'm here to set the record straight
- about sex appeal and a woman's weight.
- It's nice to be neat and look petite,
- but if you wanna feel some heat, you've got to have some meat!
- George Washington threw a silver dollar
- Across the river one day;
- And ever since then, politicians in Washington
- Been throwin' our money away!
During one episode of Let's Make a Deal, on which Russell played for a home audience member:
- They say money can't buy happiness
- but I'll tell you how I feel.
- What money does buy, I seldom use.
- So, heck, let's make a deal!
- When sounds are heard around the house
- of little kids and their toys,
- we know children were sent from heaven
- 'cause the Lord couldn't stand that noise.
Nispey Russell on word meanings during an episode of Password Plus (also used during a posthumous tribute on CNN):
- The opposite of pro is con
- That fact is clearly seen
- If progress means move forward
- Then what does Congress mean?
Nipsey Russell on aging:
- Each day we turn another page
- You know you're reaching middle age
- When your pimples and your rashes
- Turn to wrinkles and hot flashes.
Nipsey Russell on baby care:
- Don't put the baby on a waterbed;
- It could be very grim."
- You don't know if he's wetting the bed,
- Or the bed is wetting him.
On The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast for Rowan and Martin (1974):
- As we remember Abbott and Costello
- As Laurel and Hardy can never die
- Rowan and Martin will not be forgot
- But baby we sure gonna try.
On an episode of Super Password:
- I just saw a move about a mermaid.
- Did I like it? I don't know why!
- There's not enough woman to make love to,
- and too much fish to fry!
From an episode of Match Game '74:
- In this terrible recession;
- When our businesses will not thrive;
- Give us our social security now;
- And we'll work at 65!
From an episode of Match Game '75:
- The young poeple are very different today;
- And there's one sure way to know;
- Kids used to ask where they came from;
- Now they'll tell you where you can go.
From an episode of Match Game '76:
- I'm a bachelor and will not marry
- till the right woman comes along.
- But while I'm waiting, I don't mind dating
- Girls I know are wrong!
From a special "TV Hosts" episode of Family Feud on which Russell played:
- Playing Family Feud today
- Are talented women and men;
- Lost their jobs giving money away,
- So now they're trying to win.
From an appearance on The Amazing World of Kreskin:
- Go to college, see it through
- if they can make penicillin out of moldy cheese
- they can make something out of you!
- Spring has sprung,
- Fall has fell
- Now winter's come
- and it's colder than usual.
[edit] Unsourced
- If you make sweet love with a school teacher / You'll have an amazing night / She'll do it and do it and do it again / Until you get it right.
- I got a new girlfriend,
No guy could ask for more, She’s deaf, dumb, oversexed And owns a liquor store!
- If you don't tell me who sprung the leak, y'all goin' to be expelled for at least a week.
