Scrooged is a 1988 American comedy film, a modernization of Charles Dickens' novella, A Christmas Carol. The film was produced and directed by Richard Donner, and the cinematography was by Michael Chapman. The screenplay was written by Mitch Glazer and Michael O'Donoghue. The original music score was composed by Danny Elfman and the film stars Bill Murray, Karen Allen, Bob "Bobcat" Goldthwait, John Forsythe, Carol Kane, David Johansen, John Houseman, John Glover, and Robert Mitchum.
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- Lew: I was a captain of industry, feared by men, adored by women.
- Frank: ADORED? Come on. let's be honest, Lew. You PAID for the women.
- Frank: I want to see her nipples.
- Censor Lady: But this is a CHRISTMAS show.
- Frank: Well, I'm sure Charles Dickens would have wanted to see her nipples!
- Carpenter: You can barely see them nipples.
- Frank: See? And these guys are REALLY looking!
- Earl: All day long, I listen to people give me excuses why they can't work... "My back hurts," "My legs ache," "I'm only four!" The sooner he learns life isn't handed to him on a silver platter, the better!
- Ghost of Christmas Past: You still spend the next fifteen years sitting on your ass watching TV.
- Frank: Check the records! I did some stuff. I played baseball. One year, I hit the home-run that won the big game--
- Ghost of Christmas Past: That was the kid on The Courtship of Eddie's Father.
- Frank: There was another time, though. I was on a hill covered with flowers, and there was a beautiful girl with pigtails--
- Ghost of Christmas Past: PATHETIC! You are so pathetic! That was Little House on the Prairie!
- Frank: ... Was it the the homecoming episode?
- Ghost of Christmas Past: [exasperated] Yes, it was the homecoming episode. Let's face it, Frank. Garden slugs got more out of life than you.
- Frank: Yeah? Name one.
- Frank: I never liked a girl well enough to give her 12 sharp knives.
[Frank is confronted by the ghost of his old boss]
- Frank: No, you are a hallucination, brought on by alcohol. Russian Vodka, poisoned by Chernobyl.
- James: You know what they say about people who treat other people bad on the way up?
- Frank: Yeah, you get to treat them bad on the way back down too. It's great, you get two chances to rough them up.
[Props man tries to attach antlers to a mouse]
- Props man: I can't get the antlers glued to this little guy. We tried Crazy Glue, but it don't work.
- Frank: Did you try staples?
- Frank: The bitch hit me with a toaster! I love a girl with spirit.
- Ghost of Christmas Present: Sometimes, you have to SLAP them in the face just to get their attention!
- Bill Murray as Francis Xavier "Frank" Cross
- Karen Allen as Claire Phillips
- John Forsythe as Lew Hayward
- John Glover as Brice Cummings
- Bobcat Goldthwait as Eliot Loudermilk
- David Johansen as the Ghost of Christmas Past
- Carol Kane as the Ghost of Christmas Present
- Robert Mitchum as Preston Rhinelander
- Nicholas Phillips as Calvin Cooley
- Michael J. Pollard as Herman
- Alfre Woodard as Grace Cooley
- Mabel King as Gramma
- John Murray as James Cross
- Wendie Malick as Wendie Cross
- Brian Doyle Murray as Mr. Cross, Frank and James' father
- Joel Murray as Ghost
- Jamie Farr as Himself / Jacob Marley
- Buddy Hackett as Himself / Ebenezer Scrooge
- Robert Goulet as Himself
- John Houseman as Himself
- Lee Majors as Himself
- Mary Lou Retton as Herself / Tiny Tim
- Miles Davis, Larry Carlton, David Sanborn, and Paul Schaffer as street musicians