Spider-Man: The Animated Series

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Spider-Man: The Animated Series was a television series featuring the Marvel comic book superhero Spider-Man, which ran for five seasons (65 episodes) starting

November 1994 and finishing January 31 1998.

Contents

SEASON 1[edit]

E01 - Night of the Lizard[edit]



(about an out of control car)
Spider-Man: What's this? Another satisfied graduate of the "New York City Cab Driving Academy"?


Spider-Man: What was that all about?
Repairman: Red eyes... The red eyes after me.
Spider-Man: A-ha. And did they belong to little pink elephants?
Repairman: No, Mr, it was real, it was real, I swear!
Spider-Man: Yeah, alright, fine. Just don't let the cops blame this one on me, ok?
Repairman: The red eyes.. The red eyes …
Spider-Man: Sure, pal, whatever you say.


Peter: Oh no. Not Debra Whitman. The little sister I never had, or wanted.


(when he shoots web but Lizard dodges)
Spider-Man: Good reflexes for a future handbag.


Brock: When I break this story, it will be Pulitzer time.
(Eddie Brock is webbed to a lamp post by Spider-Man)
Spider-Man: Hang loose, Brock. That webbing will all melt in a couple of hours.
Brock: You can't do this!
Spider-Man: I already have. I won't let you ruin Connors' life.
Brock: But, but...
(Spider-Man shoots web to Brock's mouth to shut him up)


Spider-Man: What a slimy mess. Why can't I be one of those galaxy-hopping superheroes? Why do I end up in the sewers? You don't find the Fantastic Four in a sewer, or the Avengers. Never have I seen the Avengers in a sewer. Or the Defenders. Well, maybe the Hulk.


Repairman: You'll come back for me, right?
Spider-Man: Hey, I'm a hero, remember?


Spider-Man: I need one chance of this or I'm lizard food. Oh ou. Chow time!


(about Curt Conners being the lizard)
Brock: Boss, if I'm wrong I'll…I'll…I'll eat today's issue of the Bugle.
(Curt Conners answers the door)
Connors: J. Jonah Jameson, what brings you here this morning?
Jameson: You want it cooked or raw?

E02 - The Spider Slayer[edit]



Spider-Man: Hold that pose. Alright, don't hold that pose. If you're gonna be temperamental I'll fix it so you never work in this town again.


Smythe: I get a bad feeling whenever somebody says I have to trust him.


Jameson: Wait a minute, are you telling me Spider-Man is just some goofy kid? That's unbelievable.
Spider-Man: How can anything be unbelievable to a guy who publishes a tabloid?


Brock: Hey, hey! I got First Amendment rights!
Soldier: We just amended them.


Spider-Man: How 'bout that. I'm in too places at once.
Jameson: This one's the real deal lady. After all this time I can practically smell him. Which means Eddie Brock just made my whole company look like jerks.
Spider-Man: Not hard to do.
Jameson: Why you web slinging clown, how...
(gets cut off by Aunt May)


Spider-Man: Yeah, somebody's gotta save the guy who hates Peter Parker. Guess who? Talk about dramatic irony!


Soldier: But he's in there!
Spider-Man: All smoke and mirrors! Read my book!


Soldier: Two of 'em?!
Spider-Man: Congratulations, you can count. And they say the schools system's failing/a failure.


Spider-Man: Hey, guys, chile. The Widow and I are trying to share some quality time.
(webs them and says:)
Thanks, I appreciate your cooperation.


Spider-Man: Uh-oh. Foul ball. (knocks away Spider Seeker) Do the Mets need me or what?


Brock: But you don't understand.
Jameson: You want understanding? See a shrink.

E03 - The Return of the Spider-Slayers[edit]



Spider-Man: Blind dates are like the lottery. The odds are so stacked against you. Your lucky if you ever hit the jackpot.


Spider-Man: A freezing beam. This is enough to give me arachnophobia.


(Jameson is about to unmask Spider-Man)
Jameson: Now let's see who's under that mask.
Spider-Man: Hey, hold it! When was the last time you washed your hands?
(Black Widow captures Jameson's hand before he do it.)
Jameson: Hey! What's this Smythe?
Spider-Man: It's obvious. It wants a mate. And you're the lucky guy.


(about a bomb strapped to his wrist)
Spider-Man: No, no, no. Take it back. It clashes with the color of my costume.


(Spider-Man and Jameson look at each other)
Spider-Man: Hey, don't look at me. Maybe you didn't deliver his paper this morning.


(to Alistair Smythe)
Jameson: What are you? Nuts?
Spider-Man: You have to ask?


(to J. Jonah Jameson)
Spider-Man: Do you ever thought of becoming a family therapist?


Spider-Man: You hate a lot of people, Smythe. Must be rough around the holidays.


Jameson: If you let me go, I can fund your research! Set up a lab!
Spider-Man: Forget it, J.J. He's not playing with a full deck. Oh! You should understand that!


(Jameson and Spider-Man both have a bomb strapped to their wrist)
Jameson: Can't you pry this thing off?
Spider-Man: You want a trial separation already. I understand, but I'm hurt.


Spider-Man: Get up, Jameson. We don't have much time to track those slayers before they get to Thompson, Brock, and Osborn.
Jameson: Look at this, you're severely bruising my wrist.
Spider-Man: Coyotes caught in traps chew through their own legs. You could try that.
Jameson: Okay, smart-mouth. What if I decide to sit here and not go anywhere.
Spider-Man: Look bright eyes! Until I can figure out how to get this bomb off of us you're coming along for the ride. So fasten your safety belt.


Flash: We had a great time tonight, Felicia.
Felicia: Naturally, you are with me.


Brock: You! You just won't stop until you ruin me, will ya?
Spider-Man: Use your head for once Brock. I'm trying to save your life.


(planting the bomb on the Spider-Slayer)
Spider-Man: I hate to borrow somebody else's line, but it's clobbering time!
(Spider-Man is quoting a famous Marvel Comics character, The Fantastic Four's "The Thing".)


Mary Jane: Face it, Tiger. You just hit the jackpot.

E04 - Doctor Octopus: Armed and Dangerous[edit]



Peter: So, uh, where is your mom?
Felicia: Parker, she's out buying a new yacht.
Peter: What happened, the old one get wet?


(to Doc. Ock)
Spider-Man: Hands up! All of them!


Spider-Man: Don't touch her!
Dr. Octopus: Spider-Man! You're making a career of interference!
Spider-Man: Some career! No salary, no vacation; don't talk about on-the-job health hazards!


Dr. Octopus: Double jeopardy, Spider-Man. If you manage to turn off the dynamo, you'll face the full fury of Doctor Octopus. And if you don't, perhaps you'll live long enough to see your friends' molecules fry!
Spider-Man: Well, that's what I love about life - choices!


Dr. Octopus: How does it feel to know that you could change things, Spider-Man, but be helpless to do so?
Spider-Man: Not as bad as I'd feel if I had a name like Doc Ock!

E05 - The Menace of Mysterio[edit]



Mysterio: (appears in a swirl of smoke) Don't be afraid! I'm here to help! I am Mysterio, and I am putting Spider-Man on notice! There's no place you'll be able to hide, and nowhere you can run!
Jameson: Far as I'm concerned, you're just another creep in a costume. What can you do?
Mysterio: I was hoping you'd ask. (laughs and detaches his helmet from his body - with no face visible underneath - to everyone's amazement except Peter's)
Peter: (snapping a photo) Pfft! Cheap parlor trick.
Mysterio: I guarantee you I'll catch Spider-Man, but I want all you bigshot media people there to record it! And now that I've started things rolling... (disappears; a basketball appears and bounces into Jameson's hands) don't drop the ball. (ball turns into his helmet) Got it?


Mysterio: I'm more than ready to take you on, but not here. It's got to be the same place where you ruined me.
Spider-Man: You got a little too much gravel in that fish bowl


(the phone rings)
Peter: What?
Mary Jane: Peter? Just wanted to make sure you're still alive.
Peter: Oh no, our date.I forgot!
Mary Jane: You sure know how to make a girl feel important.
Peter: Uh, if it isn't too late.
Mary Jane: Sorry, in my league, it's one strike, and you're out.


Spider-Man: You'd think I would remember a guy with a fish bowl for a head.


Quentin Beck: (in a flashback) I'll get you. I swear!
Dt. Terry Lee: This is something you have trouble remembering?!
Spider-Man: Hey! I hear that kind of thing two, three times a week.


(Trapping Spider-Man in a web with robotic spiders)
Mysterio: There's a certain irony here...


Spider-Man: Mysterio, they don't have anything to do with this. Let them go! Well, Jameson you can keep.
Mysterio: Enough! It's payback time.
Spider-Man: "Payback"? For what?! You did it all to yourself!
Mysterio: Yes, that's what my psychiatrist said. But you know what? His sessions never made me feel this good!

E06 - The Sting of the Scorpion[edit]


(to webbed-up thief)
Spider-Man: It's not nice to rob jewelery stores in Mr. Spider-Man's neighborhood. Can you say "I'm going to jail"?


(to the thieves)
Spider-Man: Well if it isn't the meeting of the diamond lovers of America!
Thief: It's Spider-Man!
Spider-Man: What? Spider-Man? Where? Where? Oh, I just get so flustered when I meet a celebrity! I just don't know what to say!


Thief: Stay still, will ya?
Spider-Man: Actually, no.
Thief: Get him! It's three against one!
Spider-Man: As far as I'm concerned, that means you're out numbered.


Spider-Man: Is this a private party or can any wall-crawler join?


Spider-Man: Who the heck are you?
Scorpion: A real hero, you freak!
Spider-Man: This is a joke, right?
(Scorpion strikes with his tail)
Spider-Man: Wow, this is not a joke. If you wanna join the Fantastic Four, you're in the wrong place.


(on phone: Peter's voice was muffled because of his mask and this worries May)
Aunt May: You sound like you're catching a bug!
Spider-Man: I certainly hope so. (talking about the Scorpion)


(kicking the Scorpion in the back)
Spider-Man: Green ball in the center pocket!


Spider-Man: The red button. I'll bet my web-shooter that's emergency shutdown. Trust me, it's always the red button.
Jameson: How do you know about stuff like this?
Spider-Man: Hey, who do I look like? The Tick?


(to J. Jonah Jameson)
Spider-Man: Look, if we continue to meet like this tongues will begin to wag.


Scorpion: I'm gonna crush you now!
Spider-Man: Oh, yeah? Well, it just so happens, I like to start each day with a warm hug! Oh, who am I kidding? Everything's going black.
Scorpion: You gotta be nuts, mister. Why would you risk your puny life to save his?
Jameson: Because you're a greater evil. And heaven help me, he's the only one who can stop you.
Spiderman: Huh? Did I hear right? J. Jonah Jameson is on my side?


Jameson: I still won't rest until you've been unmasked and eliminated.
Spider-Man: Fair enough, pickle-puss. And I won't rest until you shave that stupid mustache, so we're even! Oh, and fuzz-head? Thanks for saving my life.

E07 - Kraven The Hunter[edit]



(to Kraven)
Spider-Man: Nice outfit. Aah, don't tell me! You're a Leo, right?


Kraven: I will not hurt her!
Spider-Man: So you're gonna hurt me instead!


(to Kraven, as he dangles him from the top of a building)
Spider-Man: Thanks for showing me the view, but I'm afraid of heights.
(escapes by knocking Kraven backwards)


Spider-Man: Is this guy a pro wrestler? That would explain the tights.


Dr. Crawford: He'll be back. You can't stop him. Nothing can stop him.
Spider-Man: Okay, okay calm down. Let's get out of here before mister right comes back for a second date.


Spider-Man: The fear in her eyes has got even me spooked, but I don't think this Kraven guy can find her. With any luck the cops will nab him first, or maybe animal control.


(after seeing Mary Jane in her leopard skin print outfit)
Peter: Wow, that outfit brings out the animal in me.


(to Kraven)
Spider-Man: Yo, Jungle Jim, up here!

(Jungle Jim was a comic strip hero that began in the 1930's. He was a hunter whose exploits were centered around the jungles of South-East Asia.)

Kraven: Where is my woman?
Spider-Man: Well you're the hunter, can't you find her?


(listening to Robbie's answering machine message)
Jameson: Robbie where the heck are you? The airline says your plane let out hours ago. What happened to you?
Spider-Man: How does "I was kidnapped by a crazed big game hunter" grab ya J.J.


Spider-Man: Robbie's the bait. Okay. I'll bite.


Spider-Man: Penny for your thoughts.
Robbie: Will you please just tell me what's going on here? How did I get involved?
Spider-Man: I guess you have me to thank for that.


Spider-Man: Correct me if I'm wrong but, isn't the hero suppose to get the girl. I saved the city from jungle boy and I'll be lucky if Felicia or Mary Jane even speak to me again.


Spider-Man: Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

E08 - The Alien Costume: Part 1[edit]



Spider-Man: Huh? Where did you come from?
Rhino: Jersey.
Spider-Man: You got a claim check for that bag?
(rams Spider-Man)
Rhino: Check this!


Spider-Man: That's the Spider-Man justice system - guilty until proven innocent.


Spider-Man: Parker, how on Earth did you get in the middle of Manhattan, hanging upside down in a costume you've never seen before?


Felicia: You seem so.. so different.
Peter: You don't know how different. But, then again, maybe you'd like to find out.
Flash: Hitting on my girl, Parker?
Felicia: Your girl? What ever on earth gave you that idea, Flash?
Flash: Well, I thought that.. Parker, Felicia and I need to talk, so why you don't crawl back under your rock.
Peter: Not this time, bonehead.
Flash: Now, Felicia.. What did you say?
Peter: It had something to do with the contents of your skull.
Flash: Well, this is a twist. Look who's suddenly developed a backbone.
Peter: I have developed a lot more than a backbone.


(to Rhino)
Spider-Man: A little far from the Zoo, aren't you?
Rhino: Well,well,here's the bizzy izzy spider,all getting with his new dress,but ain't gonna look tomorrow(Knocks Spiderman with his Horn)
Rhino:let's get over with,i've got to polish my horn
Spider-Man: this will be over when you'll tell me where the Promethius X is
Spider-Man:(grabs rhino, spins and throws him in a building) i'm not going around in circles with you all night
Spider-Man: I Want a ANSWER,NOW(Throws Rhino in a Wall)
Rhino:(Spiderman grabs Rhino with one finger This is impossible you can't do this!
Spider-Man: I've just rewrote the rules. Now who are you working for?
Rhino: You know what they would do to me if I told?
Spider-Man: Something like this? And I'm just getting warmed up. (spins Rhino into his own horn in the ground) The ride ends when you tell me where the "Promethium X" is.
Rhino: I can't, I can't!
Spider-Man: Well, that's too bad, big boy. For you.
Rhino: Alright, I give up. I'd rather to go to jail to the be a snitch.
Spider-Man: Who said anything about jail?
Rhino: Huh? I don't get it?
Spider-Man: You will. It's like this: I'm through with not getting what I want!
Rhino: What are you doing? I told ya... I give up!
Spider-Man: That's funny. I give up too. I give up trying to be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!
Rhino: No, no. You can't..

E09 - The Alien Costume: Part 2[edit]



i've a spider side a few clocky,copy
Hunter 2:copy red leader,let's get to our million dollar target
Spider-man:You punks can't catch me,not until this suit makes me stronger and faster than you
Spider-man:Blasted Jameson and his stupid reward,it's got the whole world after me for something i didn't do,i can hardly move without somebody wanting a piece of me

Hunter launched a rope and get pulled off

Spider-man:don't you get it? the black spider-man is unbeatable

Hunter launched a trap and spider-man dodges it

Spider-man: nice try little man,my turn(launches a web and webs up a hunter)

Hunter 1 :should i try a sonic blaster? Hunter 2 :we tried everything else

Spider-man: what's happening? (in pain)

the suit saves him and pulls him on a roof Hunter 2:how he can do that?get him

Spider-man: i think i would have passed out

A piece of the suit detaches and destroys the sonic weapon a hunter uses a flamethrower and the suit again pulls him at a safe spot

Spider-man:Whooa,my suit has crowd control,but your suit..

launches a piece of metal that breaks a fire hydrant

Spider-man:your suits have battery packs that blow up if they get wet,bye bye (launches a web from his organic suit white patch)
Spider-man: now i've to go to the source of my trouble
Security: Don't even think about it.
Spider-Man: Who needs to think?


(to Brock)
Shocker: So, very painful or sorta painful?


Spider-Man: What's this? A fight and nobody invited me?
Shocker: Stay outta this!
Spider-Man: Reasonable advice, but I haven't had much use for reason lately!

Shocker makes a wall crumble and debris falls over Spider-man,apparently killing him

Shocker:ahahahah,rest in peace,Wall Crawler
Smythe:did you take care of Mr.Brock
Shocker: No,he got away
Shocker:(to Smythe)I Did Smash Spider-man though

Spider-man Knocks down an heavy door panel

Spider-man: Well,if it's not my old friend,Alistair Smythe
Smythe: How did you get in here?
Spider-Man: Since I got my new suit, I get invited to all the best parties!

dodges hits from Shocker

Spider-Man: (Launches web to Smythe and binds him) Don't leave,party has just started
Smythe:(the Promethius falls on the floor) The Promethius !!!
Spider-Man: I'll take care of that
Smythe: Shocka!!He has got the promethius X
Spider-Man: I see that you're busy,so i'm gonna be on my way

Spiderman is in his apartment

Spider-Man:let's see why everybody is so hot about this little rock
Spider-Man:basic structure density,molecular weight,looks it's heat activated.well,who did know?

Kingpin in his Tower,Smythe and Shocker are before him

Kingpin: What's the matter with you?what happened?
Smythe: Spider-man took the Promethius X
Kingpin: So,you have to take it back
Kingpin: even if you have to take the entire city hostage
Smythe: good idea

Shocker kidnaps John Jameson

Jameson: Who are you?what do you want?
Shocker: We have important business you and i(shows hospital hand band)
Jameson: What you have done to my son?
Shocker: Listen,and listen well

TV Report Reporter:That's just it,Astronaut John Jameson has been kidnapped from his,we are going now to the Colonel's Father,J.Jonah Jameson,with a stable in his house in Madden

Jameson:Spider-man,whatever you are,if are within in sound of my voice,you must contact me,it's a matter of life and death
Peter Parker:so now i'm supposed to come running when you call?*sigh*this is for John,old man,not for you(the clothing changes to the black suit)

Jameson inserts the key in car and Spider-man arrives on the top of the car

Spider-Man: i'm getting real tired of cleaning up your messes,Jameson
Eddie Brock: i knew if i followed you something turned up
'Eddie Brock: i'm betting you're plotting against me with Spider-man
J.Jonah Jameson: John?
Smythe: First hand over the Promethius
Spider-Man: not before we see Colonel Jameson
J.Jonah Jameson: Son!
Spider-Man: all right,Smythe,you win,here it is
John Jameson: Dad,i knew i could count on you
J.Jonah Jameson: Always,son,always
Spider-Man: Jameson,untie the colonel and get him out of here as far as you can
Spider-Man: I'll guard you both from the rear
Spider-Man: That's it,Deal's done|
Shocker: Not quite
Spider-Man: a double-cross,big surprise
Shocker: If think that's a Surprise then you're ready for a real shock!
Spider-Man: and i'm gonna tear you limb from limb
Shocker: Ooow,i'm almost shocka
Eddie Brock: Ooooh Spider-man is in trouble,perfect
Spider-Man: Pathetic
Shocker: you can't get over me!
Spider-Man: come on,let's get this over with
Spider-Man: i said come on
Eddie Brock: it's payback time,Web slinger
Shocker: i've still got business with you
Spider-Man: forget him,you're not done yet with me
Spider-Man: Surprised, Shocker? Let me tell it to you straight - I am invincible!
Spider-Man: Get back here,Shocker
Spider-Man: SHOCKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEER
Spider-Man: You can't escape me,i'll chase you to the ends of the EARTHHHHHHHHH
Spider-Man: Hey,what is now?
Spider-Man: How good are those blasters to you now?

Brock Arrives and knocks Spider-man down,but Spider-man raises and Grabs Brock

(to Brock)
Spider-man: You? I'm gonna save you for dessert.

Spider-man Binds Brock to a web cocoon

Brock: *Help groans*
(to Shocker)
Spider-Man: and you… you're the main course!
(after Spider-Man breaks his "Shockers")
Shocker: You'll pay for this!)
Spider-Man: The check's in the mail, baby.

E10 - The Alien Costume: Part 3[edit]



Spider-Man: I feel great. Boy, am I glad to be back in my old clothes. And that full moon is perfect for my date tonight with Mary Jane.
Spider-Man: Huh? Down there. I don't believe it, it's the Rhino!
Rhino: Finally found you. Ha-ha-ha. You've got a score to settle. You should've stayed in black, 'cuz I'm gonna dirty you up bad.
Spider-Man: Uh, sorry. They tell me the blue really brings out my eyes. (defeats the Rhino)
Last time I kicked you high all over this town. Is your learning curve a flat line, or what?
Shocker: His might be. Mine isn't! (blasts Spider-Man)
Spider-Man: Rhino and Shocker. How'd they get together, computer dating?
(Shocker and Rhino defeat him and leave him under a pile of rubble)
Venom: Back off! He belongs to us! (defeats both Rhino and Shocker before turning his attention to Spider-Man)


Spider-Man: You don't understand, Brock! It doesn't just bond with you, it takes over! Makes you do what it wants! You've got to separate from it!
Venom: Separate?! We're made for each other! Brock's rage and vengefulness made us a perfect breeding ground - far better than you, Parker!
Spider-Man: Brock, you've got to get rid of it!
Venom: Why? We're part of a life force that has existed since the dawn of time. Imagine what you've turned down, Parker. Think of all this knowledge. We've seen thousands of worlds, millions of civilisations, learned many secrets - always with but one goal above all else: to survive! And now, we're sharing those secrets with Eddie Brock. We're very happy together.


(Spider-Man shoots his web lines around Venom)
Venom: What a such low-grade webbing! Here, have some of mine!


Venom: Now, don't worry. We're not gonna finish you yet, Parker.
Spider-Man: Listen to me, Brock! You've g--
Venom: [covers his mouth] STOP CALLING US THAT!! We are VENOM now!! We wanted you, but you spurned us! Now, we have big plans! You know nothing about us, but we know everything about you. You'll see us everywhere, even in your nightmares.


Eddie Brock: Wonder what people would do if they knew who Spider-Man was?
(becomes Venom)
Venom: Hey! Let's go ask Jameson about that!!


Spider-Man: Brock, the more you hate me, the more the symbiote can control you.
Venom: Who said we hate you?! Fact is, we're your biggest fan!
(throws a blade at Spider-Man)
(Spider-Man shoots his web lines at Venom)
Venom: Look, streamers! Now it is a party!


(attacking Spider-Man on a train)
Venom: Ticket, please.


Venom: Look, Parker! We're booked for the wrong trip!
Spider-Man: Next time, I'm flying!

E11 - The Hobgoblin: Part 1[edit]



Spider-Man: Sorry, Charlie,
Hobgoblin: Spider-Man!
Spider-Man: ..but you are a little late for Halloween.


Hobgoblin: You're pathetic. How did you ever get your reputation?
Spider-Man: Musta been of the tabloids.


Hobgoblin: Enjoying the flight?
Spider-Man: Some flight. No peanuts, no Stallone movie.. I'm outta here.

E12 - The Hobgoblin: Part 2[edit]



(in the elevator)
Spider-Man: Can't this thing go any faster?
(the elevator rope breaks)
Spider-Man: I had to ask.
Next time we'll take the stairs.


Spider-Man: As soon as I get you out of here, Osborn, I'm gonna go back down this tunnel and find out where we just came from.
(the whole place explodes)
Spider-Man: Maybe not!

E13 - Day Of The Chameleon[edit]



(after the limo driver stops at the end of an alley)
Jameson: Driver what are you doing? My tailor isn't anywhere near this place.
(handcuffs come up and restrain Peter and Jameson)
Limo Driver: Just be calm Mr. Jameson. No harm will come to you.
(to Jameson)
Peter: Maybe you forgot to pay your last tailor's bill.


(to himself as Jameson yells at the limo driver)
Peter: I better hang tight and see what's going down, unlike mister calm next to me.


(to the Chameleon disguised as Glory Grant)
Spider-Man: Gotcha! I don't usually pick up strange women.


(to the Chameleon disguised as Peter)
Mary Jane: Peter, I'm understudying the lead in the Shakespeare fest tonight and I've saved you a seat. Will you come?
(the Chameleon kisses Mary Jane to avoid the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents)
Mary Jane: I'll take that as a yes. Peter, why'd you do that?
The Chameleon: I had to.
Mary Jane: What made you think I'd let you?
The Chameleon: I took a gamble that Peter Parker was the luckiest man on Earth.


(to Bruce, the smiling gargoyle as he watches the Chameleon begin to make his move)
Spider-Man: Aha! Bruce, looks like the Chameleon has arrived. Keep smiling old buddy.


(to Chameleon, who is bareheaded)
Spider-Man: Chameleon, stop! Wow, nice haircut.
(after the Chameleon throws a smoke grenade at him)
Spider-Man: This guy's going to ruin my lungs faster than tailgating a Manhattan taxi.


(to himself as he looks for the Chameleon)
Peter: Now if I were a chameleon, whose colors would I choose?


Spider-Man: I guess it really does pay to practice shoddy journalism, keep it up J.J.
Jameson: Why, you!
(swings a punch and misses)
Spider-Man: Gotta run!


(after he knocks out Chameleon)
Spider-Man: Sleep tight Chameleon, maybe when you wake up you'll feel more like yourself.


Spider-Man: Well, Bruce, I've saved the World again. And what do I get for it? As usual - zelch, nada, nothing. That's what.
Nick Fury: Heck of a job, Spider-Man. Thanks.
Spider-Man: Did he say thanks? Someone thanking Spider-Man? Well, that's a first!


Mary Jane: Thanks, for not coming to my play as you promised.
Peter: As I promised?!?
Mary Jane: And, don't you ever kiss me that way again!
Peter: What kiss?! The chameleon. Oh, no!
Mary Jane wait, I can explain. At least I think I can explain. Okay, maybe, maybe I can't explain. Just listen, listen to me. Hold on a second.

SEASON 2[edit]

E01 - The Insidious Six[edit]



(to Bruce the Gargoyle, as he looks down at the city)
Spider-Man: Look at them down there. I bet each one has somebody close. I feel so distant. I have nobody, except you of course. You're always here for me. You're rock solid! And best of all you laugh at all my jokes. Bruce, you're a heck of a guy. But I do wish I had someone a little prettier to talk to. Maybe Felicia Hardy.. And there's Mary Jane Watson.. What am I thinking? How could anybody commit to a guy who sneaks off to crawl on walls?


Morbius: I had thought you would be my main competition Parker, but you will be lucky to make it to the starting line.
Peter: Don't forget Michael, the tortoise beat the hare.
Morbius: In my country, we eat tortoises.


(about Morbius)
Felicia: What horror movie did he come from.
Peter: The return of Dracula's ego.


Spider-Man: I go to sleep for one lousy day and I wake up in the Twilight Zone.


(as the Rhino is stealing money)
Spider-Man: Hold it horn head, you didn't fill out a withdrawal slip.


Scorpion: Eat acid, Spider-Man!
Spider-Man: Sorry, I'm on an acid-free diet!


(to Chameleon, disguised as Spider-Man)
Spider-Man: Well, aren't you a handsome gent?


Doc. Ock: Back off, you pea-brained, uncoordinated, absurdly-dressed excuse of a man!
Scorpion: Hey, who are you calling "absurdly-dressed"?


Dr. Connors: You weren't born with your spider-powers, were you?
Spider-Man: No, I won them on a quiz show.
(looking at a computer scan)
Dr. Connors: Amazing! These patterns imply Neogenics involved. How could that be?
Spider-Man: That was the category I chose.

E02 - Battle of the Insidious Six[edit]



Shocker: Time to take your medicine you fly eating fool, and my shock therapy's just what the doctor ordered.


(After they unmask a powerless Peter Parker)
Mysterio: I say we destroy him now!
Doc. Ock: Your mind is as empty as that fishbowl you cover it with. Can you not see the truth? He is not Spider-Man.


(to Peter)
Shocker: What do you take us for, fools? I'm shocked - and you're going to be too!


(to the Insidious Six)
Spider-Man: I took care of that snitch Parker, and now I'm gonna take care of you. (to himself) Oh, right. For starters, I might just drown you in nervous sweat!


(after Spider-Man and Silvermane tumble into a building)
Spider-Man: Smooth, just the way I planned it.


(after the Shocker's costume blows up)
Spider-Man: Whoa, talk about wearing flashy clothes.


(as the Kingpin's searchlight shines on him and Silvermane)
Spider-Man: You know, I've never been one to seek out the spotlight.


(lowering Silvermaine down a chimney)
Spider-Man: Sorry about this, but if you say "ho-ho-ho" real loud, there's less chance you'll get stuck.


(after watching the Scorpion's acid dissolve one of Doctor Octopus' mechanical arms)
Spider-Man: Ouch, I'd hate to see the repair bill on that! Can't you find anybody coordinated to work with?

E03 - Hydro-Man[edit]



Spider-Man: Huh? Don't tell me the Beluga whales are having a midnight clambake.


Guard: Look, Spider-Man really is the thief.
Spider-Man: (to himself) Oh, great, Jameson will probably be selling "Spider-Man Really Is The Thief" T-shirts by noon tomorrow.


Hydro-Man: (comes from behind and puts the pearl necklace around Mary Jane's neck which startled her) Boo, guess who? It's good to finally see you again, Red. It's been too long.
Mary Jane: What is this?
Hydro-Man: I always said i'd give you the world. This is just the down payment.
Mary Jane: (takes off the pearl necklace) Look Morrie, our relationship is over! You were jealous, overbearing, and made my life miserable! So, leave me alone! (puts the pearl necklace back in Hydro-Man's hand)
Hydro-Man: (grabs Mary Jane's wrist) At least I never ran out on you like your father did!
Mary Jane: (swipes her wrist free) You shut up about him! We were wrong for each other 2 years ago, and we're wrong now! That's all I came to tell you! (storms out the door)
Hydro-Man: Mary Jane, w-wait!
Mary Jane: What are you doing here?
Spider-Man: A 500 foot geyser in Washington square and you're wondering why I'm here?


Hydro-Man: So, butt out!
Spider-Man: Can't. They'd take away my superhero license.


Hydro-Man: Pathetic. You don't really think you can match the power of Hydro-Man, do you?
Spider-Man: Did you say Hydrant-Man? The dogs must love you!
Hydro-Man: It's Hydro-Man! And it's the last name you'll ever hear!
Spider-Man: For somebody new to this super-villain gig, you've sure got the cliches down.


(to Spider-Man within a water silo)
Hydro-Man: Forget your water-wings, dude?


(to Mary Jane)
Spider-Man: Do you want me to web swing you home?


(to picture of her father)
Mary Jane: Guess we're not so different, huh, dad? When things got tough, I turn tail and ran too, but not for long. The difference between us is I'm not going to run anymore, no matter what.


Spider-Man: Three minutes under water. Do I get my merit badge now?


(reaching the top of the skyscraper)
Mary Jane: Looks like the end of the line.
Hydro-Man: That's right, nowhere left to run.
Spider-Man: So why don't we all just take a break.
Hydro-Man: You again. Haven't you figured out yet that you can't beat me?
Spider-Man: I don't have to, slick. She already has.
Hydro-Man: Huh?
Spider-Man: Don't you get it, Bench? She led you away from the water that feeds you. You're barely holding yourself together, pal. You're almost out of.. you.


Mary Jane: Brother, now you sound like my friend Peter Parker.
Spider-Man: Hey, don't insult me.


(to Peter, after she won a carnival prize)
Mary Jane: Stick with me tiger, and I'll teach you how to beat the odds.

E04 - The Mutant Agenda[edit]



(running through the X-Men mansion)
Spider-Man: Nice, I come to the peaceful countryside and I wind up in the Pentagon.


(runs into a room of doors)
Spider-Man: Gotta pick a door, any door.
(goes through door)
New rule, never visit the Pentagon without a road map.


(looks up to see two giant sentinels)
Spider-Man: Okay, so I'm gonna be a little late getting home.


(after striking a Sentinel)
Storm: Power of lighting strike again!
Spider-Man: Uh, power of webshooters, get real sticky!


Professor Xavier: I wish I had an answer for you. I am sorry for your pain.
Spider-Man: Don't worry about my pain, worry about yours if I mutate into a dangerous creature and you have to stop me. It's always the same. I can save the world ten times over, but when I need help I'm on my own. Thanks, for nothing.


(about Landon)
Smythe: I don't trust him.
Kingpin: You don't trust anyone.
Smythe: And I'm usually right.


Beast: Penny for your thoughts, Spider-Man? I mean you no harm. I just want to talk.
Spider-Man: I've heard that I want to hear from your X people. X-cuse me.


(to Landon)
Hobgoblin: What kind of a fool do you take me for?
Spider-Man: Personally, I'd never call you a fool. That'd be an insult to fools everywhere!

E05 - Mutants Revenge[edit]



(to Wolverine and Spider-Man as they fight)
Hobgoblin: You boys are having so much fun. I hate to bust up the party, but I will anyway. (throws pumpkin bomb at them)
(to Wolverine, about the Hobgoblin)
Spider-Man: We'll finish our conversation after I take care of laughing boy.
Wolverine: If you're lying, your fillet a spider pal. (unsheathes his claws)
Spider-Man: I get the picture Wolvy, but have you ever thought about seeing a manicurist about those things?


Spider-Man: Subtlety's not your strong point, is it?
Wolverine: Hey, can't even spell the word
Spider-Man: You're the one with the nose, where to next?
Wolverine: (sniffs) What I smell, is trouble.
Spider-Man: (sees soldiers approaching them) Good nose.


Spider-Man: Nice tracking, Wolvy. Only problem is, there's no exit.
Wolverine: Then I'll just have to make one.
(seeing Wolverine claw a hole in the wall)
Spider-Man: Cool.
(after Wolverine makes a hole in the wall)
Spider-Man: Yep, claws are definitely more fun than doors.


Soldier: You can kiss your webs goodnight, wall crawler.
(throws door onto soldiers)
Spider-Man: Next time, don't barge in without knocking.


Hobgoblin: Why does my business with you keep getting interrupted, Landon?
Landon: Ever heard of karma?


Beast: Spider-Man, keep us still or Wolverine is lost to us.
Spider-Man: No problem, but whatever you do just don't make me laugh.


(Wolverine wakes up)
Wolverine: Any calls while I was out?


(to mutant Landon, who has captured Genevieve)
Wolverine: That's no way to treat a lady, pal. (gets smacked down as he attempts to free her)
Spider-Man: You sure showed him.
Wolverine: Shut up, you putty, little geek!


Beast: So, there appears to be a keen scientific mind behind that garish mask, eh my friend?
Spider-Man: Takes one to know one, blue boy.


(to Spider-Man)
Wolverine: Just remember, no matter what problems ya got, or mistakes you've made, ya don't have to carry the load by yourself. Ya got friends if you need 'em.

E06 - Morbius[edit]



(seeing robbers run out of a pawn shop as the alarm rings)
Spider-Man: It's possible that this is some kind of intercity midnight ski team, but I don't think so.


(breaking into the robbers car)
Spider-Man: Party's over for you crash dummies.


Dr. Crawford: Do you ever use a door?
Spider-Man: Uh-uh. Don't believe in 'em.


Morbius: Relax my princess, I would never let anything harm you.
Felicia: You I believe, Michael, (points to the cage of vampire bats) it's them I don't trust.


(to himself as he notices Mary Jane)
Peter: Mary Jane, I feel like a heel for not having called her all week. But what can I say? Hi, let's have a relationship. By the way, I'm turning into a mutant. Next time you see me I might look like your last nightmare.


(about Peter)
Mary Jane: I think he's been avoiding me, Liz.
Liz: If a man avoids a major babe like you, it could only mean one thing.
Mary Jane: What?
Liz: He isn't human anymore.
Mary Jane: Yeah right.


(to Bruce the Gargoyle)
Spider-Man: Hey, Bruce, what do you think? It's not wrong for me to want to keep my powers, is it? I knew you'd agree.


(to Bruce the Gargoyle)
Spider-Man: Dr. Crawford tries to help me, and I run away. Just like I run away from Mary Jane. Do we sense a pattern here? Bruce, I finally figured out what I'm mutating into, a real jerk.


(after being thrown by Morbius)
Spider-Man: You're strong.
(kicks Morbius down to the ground)
Good thing you don't have my spider agility.


Spider-Man: Why is it that everything I touch, everything that touches me, is poisoned?


Morbius: I'll feed on you.
Spider-Man: You want to feed on me? You don't know where I've been.

E07 - Enter the Punisher[edit]



Dr. Crawford: I'll need a blood sample.
Spider-Man: Pick an arm. Any arm!


Morbius: You! What has happened to you?
Spider-Man: Let's just say you don't own the franchise on weirdness anymore!


(Spider-Man tries to fire webbing)
Spider-Man: Wrong arm! It used to be a simple choice of right or left!


Spider-Man: Can't sing, can't dance. I better get out of the spotlight.


Punisher: Your days of terrorizing the innocent are over wall-crawler!
Spider-Man: Don't tell me...the skull, the corny line..your name must be bone-head!


Spider-Man: Cool toy, but I'm outta here.


Punisher: You kidnapped that student.
Spider-Man: Next time get the facts before you decide to punish someone.


Punisher: I'm coming after you. And next time, I'm using lethal force!
Spider-Man: Ooh, I'm so scared, I might start biting my fingernails. And man, have I got fingernails!

E08 - Duel of the Hunters[edit]



Punisher: I looked the devil square in the eyes... and I blinked.


Kraven: A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green. Francis Bacon. Revenge is a foolish reason to hunt!
Punisher: Maybe, but it works for me.


(about Man-Spider)
Kraven: Do not hurt him!
Punisher: I'm not gonna hurt him. I'm gonna disintergrate him. Won't be any nerve endings left to feel the pain!


Kraven: Well, my little Calypso, you have done it again!
Spider-Man: Calypso?
Dr. Crawford: In Mythology, Calypso was a Goddess, who offered the gift of life to Odysseus.
Spider-Man: Well, I guess you're my Calypso too.

E09 - Blade the Vampire Hunter [edit]



Crowd of people: Look, it's Spider-Man. He's responsible for this. Get him.
Spider-Man: It's surprising how quickly the public will turn on you, when they think you're a blood draining monster.
Cop: It's Spider-Man!
Spider-Man: Something tells me they don't want my autograph.


Blade: All the attacks are currently in the Empire State University. Why?
Spider-Man: Maybe he really likes the cafeteria food.


Whistler: Blade and I are vampire hunters.
Spider-Man: Vampire hunters?
Whistler: There's always been a dedicated cadre of people who hunt Nosferatu.
Spider-Man: Nosferatu? Isn't that the name of a German rock band?


(after webbing down Morbius and saving Blade)
Spider-Man: Spidey's first rule of vampire hunting, never let them see you sweat.


(to Spider-Man)
Blade: Stay alert web slinger, it's gonna be a long night.

E10 - The Immortal Vampire [edit]



Mary Jane: What's the matter, Tiger? Cat's get your tongue?


Spider-Man: I will not lose Aunt May the same way I lost Uncle Ben. If ever my spider strength meant anything at all, this is that time.


Terri Lee: All the men in the world, and I have to fall in love with a vampire! Uh, love, who needs it!

E11 - Tablet of Time [edit]



(to Hammerhead)
Spider-Man: Now why's a smart crook like you pulling a crazy stunt like this? You always seemed so...level headed!


(to Hammerhead, as he reels up the Tablet of Time)
Spider-Man: Hey, watch it! The tablet's no good to anyone, broken. Use your head. Uh, forget I said that.


(to Spider-Man holding the Tablet of Time)
Cop: Freeze creep.
Archaeologist: No, let him go. He saved the Tablet of Time.
Cop: Something here doesn't smell right.
Archaeologist: Aren't you listening? Spider-Man's a hero.
Cop: No, no I mean, phew, something really smells bad.
(Spider-Man's covered in fish slime)
Spider-Man: Uh, sorry.


Spider-Man: Not another robot. Why aren't women this attracted to me?


(getting the tablet of time away from Smythe)
Spider-Man: Sorry. I have to take one tablet every night before bed. Doctor's orders!


(watches the Mega-Slayer fly off with the Tablet of Time)
Spider-Man: Wonder why he's leaving. I hope it wasn't something I said.

E12 - Ravages of Time [edit]



(sees Dr. Connors getting away)
Tombstone: Uh oh, I almost forgot what I came for. Sorry I can't finish this, but here's a going away present.
(slams a computer console on Spider-Man)


(about Tombstone)
Spider-Man: For a walking mount rushmore, he's fast.


(to Hammerhead, as he tries to kidnap Alisa)
Spider-Man: Yo, chrome dome, the lady didn't finish her latte.


(as he's covered in cement)
Spider-Man: Great! Now I'm going to be turned into a life-size Spidey statue. Minus the life!


Spider-Man: I better get home and change into my spare costume before I turn into Tombstone junior.


Smythe: You were supposed to bring Dr. Connors. Where is he?
Spider-Man: You know everything smart guy. Didn't you know he was kidnapped?


(after tossing a spider tracer on the Mega-Slayer as it flies away)
Spider-Man: Run away as fast as you want Smythe, I'm still gonna be right on your big, fat, mechanical tail.


(about the Mega-Slayer)
Spider-Man: I wonder how much Smythe pays to park that thing here in the city?


Spider-Man: That's Silvermane? He's the old man I rescued from Doc Ock. If I'd known who he was, I'd have handed him over with a ribbon and bow attached!

E13 - Shriek of the Vulture [edit]



The Vulture: This is none of your business.
(slices at the trees Spider-Man lands on)
Spider-Man: Well fine, but don't blame me if you get a splinter in your wing.


(after regaining his youth)
Boy: What, what happened to me?
Spider-Man: I don't know, but I want the name of the vitamins you took this morning.


The Vulture: You again. Stop meddling in my affairs.
Spider-Man: Not until you explain that aging trick. I hate mysteries.


Flash: What would somebody as brain-pumped as Debra see in a jock like me?
Peter: Hey, she definitely likes you, pal. So, she can't be that smart!


(to the Vulture who's flying off with Harry Osborn)
Spider-Man: What is it with you and the Osborn's? Are you trying to start a collection?
(to Harry Osborn as he hangs him from the stage roof)
Spider-Man: Sorry guy. Just pretend you're the lead in Peter Pan.
(after noticing that he has only a few minutes left of youth)
The Vulture: No time to finish. (he flies off)
Spider-Man: Huh, I guess he had a cake in the oven.


(after seeing Mary Jane and Harry Osborn hugging)
Spider-Man: The story of my life. Save the world, lose the girl.


(after tripping Flash, thinking he was an intruder)
Spider-Man: Thompson, what are you doing here?
Flash: Spider-Man, I was only looking for someone. See? (holds out flowers)
Spider-Man: For me, you shouldn't have.


(while dodging Toomes's laser turret)
Spider-Man: Great, I'm trapped in a gigantic video game. At least I don't need any quarters.


(to the Vulture as he stops him from taking Flash's youth)
Spider-Man: Ah ah ah. You didn't say may I.


Spider-Man: Rescued by Flash Thompson, how embarrassing.

E14 - The Final Nightmare [edit]



Scorpion: Here is a little present, creep!
Spider-Man: I sense hostility. Go with your feelings - vent!


(after attacking the Lizard)
Spider-Man: I don't want to hurt you doc. I don't know if I could if I wanted to.

Scorpion: I don't see anybody. They're gone. All of them. AND SO'S MY CHANCE TO BE NORMAL AGAIN!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!


SEASON 3[edit]

E01 - Doctor Strange[edit]



(about Doctor Strange)
Spider-Man: He should take that act to Vegas. All he needs is a couple of tigers!


Dr. Strange: I must warn you. The odds against us returning alive are astronomical.
Spider-Man: Big deal. I've been through the Bronx. I'm ready.


(while they are flying)
Spider-Man: Thanks for the freak trip, Doc. This is saving me a fortune on webbing.


Spider-Man: Looks like they're closed for the night.
(to Doctor Strange after he opens a hole in a force field)
Spider-Man: Remind me to call you if I ever lose my house key.


Dr. Strange: Here we are again, Wong. About to leap into the unknown, to fight the deadliest battle of our lives.
Wong: Exciting, is it not, Doctor?
Dr. Strange: It is.
Spider-Man: No offense, but you guys are really weird!


Dr. Strange: You are a worthy ally in the battle against darkness. May the Vishanti watch over thee.
Spider-Man: And may your amulets.. never.. tickle.

E02 - Make a Wish[edit]



Taina: They say a lot of silly things in there, but the pictures are good! Like this one, by that Peter Parker guy. Do you know him?
Spider-Man: Sometimes too well.


Spider-Man: It's working. He's losing his concentration!
Doctor Octopus: Nobody gives me my due!
Spider-Man: I'll give you your due!!

E03 - Attack of the Octobot[edit]



Guard: Freeze!
Dr. Octopus: Did you say "squeeze"?


Dr. Octopus: Is this the end of Octavius? Defeated by a child?
Spider-Man: Face it, Ock. This kids today just have no respect for their elders.

E04 - Enter the Green Goblin[edit]



Spider-Man: All right, Hobgo-- Hey, you're not the Hobgoblin!
Green Goblin: How observant you are! No, I'm not the Hobgoblin, meddler - I'm the Green Goblin! Not that you'll live long enough for it to matter!


Spider-Man: Do you have any idea what these high-profile kidnappings have in common?
Lt. Lee: Yeah, but why should I tell you? Just because you saved my life once?
Spider-Man: Twice, but who's counting?


Spider-Man: Leave these two alone and we'll settle this just between us.
Green Goblin: Are you joking?! The more, the merrier!


(catching Mary Jane snooping around Oscorp)
Green Goblin: Well, well, someone spying on me. Didn't you know that curiosity killed the cat?!


(to Fisk)
Green Goblin: Your sins are exceeded only by your gut!


(as the Green Goblin laughs)
Spider-Man: All you megalomaniacs have such a weird sense of humor!


Jameson: What's your angle in this?
Spider-Man: Saving your ungrateful life.


Green Goblin: There is only one true goblin! THE GREEN GOBLIN!!!

E05 - Rocket Racer[edit]



Spider-Man: I always did wanna hang with the homeboys.

E06 - Framed[edit]



Peter: One please, with lots of mustard.
(Choi ducks behind cart)
Peter: Why's my spider-sense going off?
Choi: (pulling out a gun) Don't move!
Peter: So are you trying to tell me this thing is bad for my cholesterol?


Peter: What happened to these guys?
Daredevil: Me.


Peter: I hate the sewer! Whenever I have to use it, I'm eternally grateful I wasn't bitten by a radioactive rat.

E07 - The Man Without Fear[edit]



Peter: Anna Watson activated my spider-sense. She must be really mad at me.


Spider-Man: Nice moves!
Mary Jane: Hey, I'm a single woman living in New York. Self defense classes are a must!


Spider-Man: Uh, can you guys tell me where the little spiders room is?


Kingpin: Where is the other one?
Daredevil: Right here, Kingpin, and the name's Daredevil.
Kingpin: You have to be a daredevil to dare and challenge me.

E08 - The Ultimate Slayer[edit]



Madame Web: Please get off the floor. I just dusted it for cobwebs.
Spider-Man: Madame Web! Not her again! I'd almost rather be back facing Smythe!

E09 - Tombstone[edit]



(lying on Spider-Man)
Tombstone: I'm gonna prepare a coffin for you. A real flat one, brother!
Spider-Man: He ain't my brother, he's heavy!


(about Madame Web)
Spider-Man: I don't know why this strange mystic decided to be my adviser, but I really wish she'd just leave me alone and get her own talk-show!


Tombstone: Come down here and fight like a man!
Spider-Man: I don't suppose I could convince you to come up here and fight like a spider.


Spider-Man: You better stay still. Another swim in that chemical soup and your hair might turn green!

E10 - Venom Returns[edit]



Cop: Come out and nobody gets hurt.
Cletus Kasady: "Nobody gets hurt"? Man, what fun would that be?!
(and throws a grenade to the cops)


Cletus Kasady: (activating a bomb) In thirty seconds, I'll see you all in--
Spider-Man: (snatches the bomb) Thanks, big-mouth! Now I know how much time I have!


Spider-Man: Madame Web, you don't surprise me anymore. This time I knew it was you.
Madame Web: I see nothing clever in that Spider-Man. You've always been awfully good at deducing things that are patheticly obvious.
Spider-Man: Gee, thanks. Uh, don't tell me you teleported all this way just to insult little old me?


(referring to Madame Web)
Spider-Man: She wants to make a warrior out of me. Warrior? Me? Heck, I'm still fighting acne!


Cletus Kasady: (to Dr. Ashley Kafka) Don't I get a goodbye kiss, or are you afraid I'm gonna bite?
Eddie Brock: Hey, you! Shut up!
Cletus Kasady: Hey, man, I could eat you for breakfast!
Eddie Brock: Oh yeah?! Well I'd give you indigestion... "man".


Venom: This wasn't your fight! It is now, little man of iron!
War Machine: Iron Man's the other guy, but thanks for the compliment.

E11 - Carnage[edit]



Venom: (to Carnage) You may be our spawn, but that won't stop us from destroying you!


(Jameson tries to unmask Spider-Man, but War Machine stops him)
War Machine: Hold it! I think he looks good in a mask.


(as Baron Mordo attacks)
Spider-Man: Careful! They're some kind of mystic bolts!
Iron Man: Didn't think they were spitwads!

E12 - The Spot[edit]



Kingpin: I have been waiting for this moment for some time.
Spider-Man: What do you have in mind, a pie-eating contest?
(grabs Spider-Man and begins bear hugging him)
Kingpin: Approximately two percent of my body mass is fat. Allow me to show you what three hundred and fifty pounds of muscle is capable of.

E13 - Goblin Wars[edit]



(as Jason talks about his decor)
Peter: My Spider-sense was right about the danger. I'm in danger of being bored to death!


Kingpin: The only one who will go "kaboom" is you! I am going to break you in two! (whilst bear-hugging Spider-Man)


Green Goblin: Stand back for the real Goblin!
Hobgoblin: What?!
Green Goblin: The Green Goblin!
Hobgoblin: I thought you were just a rumor!
Green Goblin: You're going to wish I was!


Green Goblin: (fighting the Hobgoblin) You don't deserve to wear that mask!


(after the Green Goblin tosses the desk to him)
Hobgoblin: How did you lift that?!
Green Goblin: Because I am the real deal, you cheap imitation.


Spider-Man: You know, that laugh is getting on my nerves.
Green Goblin: You?! Still alive?!
Spider-Man: Alive and sticking!

E14 - The Turning Point[edit]



Spider-Man: You'll pay Osborne! If I have to chase you forever, you'll pay!


(the Green Goblin acting like he's Norman Osborn)
Green Goblin: Where? Where am I? What's going on? Spider-Man, help me!
Spider-Man: Why on Earth should I do that?


(after Green Goblin is sucked into the vortex)
Spider-Man: It can't end like this! MADAME WEB!
(Spider-Man then ends up at Madame Web's place)
Madame Web: Yes, Spider-Man!
Spider-Man: Can you bring them back? I'll do whatever you want.
Madame Web: I can't!
Spider-Man: Can't or won't?
Madame Web: This is the path that you chose for yourself. To do things on your own. Once that decision is made, there is no turning back. It is yet another thing that you have to learn.
Spider-Man: Learn?! I am tired of you, and your riddles, and your lessons, and your supreme arrogance! Don't you ever, EVER enter my life again! Do you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME?!
Madame Web: As you wish! I shall leave you for now, but you are still the Chosen One. And when the time comes for the "Ultimate Battle," I will return and send for you. That you cannot escape. It is your destiny!


Spider-Man: For so long now, I've tried to live up to the responsibility that comes with this great power. But when push came to shove. I failed the people who needed me most. The woman I love is gone. Gone forever.

SEASON 4[edit]

E01 - Guilty[edit]



Spider-Man: If I'm gonna quit it looks like they're gonna throw me one heck of a party and what's a party without snapshots


Spider-Man: Well, I've got to give old fuzz head credit, he never gives up.

E02 - The Cat [edit]



(to a young Felicia)
John Hardesky: Come in Felicia. What are you doing up at this hour?
Young Felicia: I like being up late. That's when I get to see you daddy.
John Hardesky: We're very much alike kitten. We're both most comfortable when we're wrapped in the dark blanket of the night.


Doctor Octopus: What? How could you have known I was here?
Spider-Man: Must be my sense of smell.
Doctor Octopus: Let us see how well developed your pain receptors are.


(after avoiding all of Doctor Octopus' arm attacks)
Spider-Man: Aww, just a little short of the mark, huh?
(as he pulls the bookcase behind Spider-Man on top of him)
Doctor Octopus: Wrong!


Felicia: Why do I always fall for mysterious men? Jason, Michael, Spider-Man. Men who are wrapped in the dark blanket of the night.


(while climbing to the top of a skyscraper)
Spider-Man: If you want good reception, head for the top of the world, or at least the top of the city.


(after being trapped in a gooey web ball and taken onto S.H.I.E.L.D.)
Spider-Man: Now I know what it feels like to be vacuumed packed. At least I've gotten them to take me to their castle in the sky.


(after shooting the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent with her gooey web gun)
Spider-Man: Oh, that'll cut down on my webbing expenses.


John Hardesky: Where are you taking me?
(disguised as Nick Fury)
The Chameleon: All you need to know is, somebody went to a lot of trouble to spring you, and it's not because of your charm.
(after kicking the Chameleon)
John Hardesky: How about my talent?


Peter: But what do I tell Felicia? Hey, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is your father's still alive. The bad is they've locked him up and thrown away the key because he knows too much.

E03 - The Black Cat [edit]



Black Cat: I knew you'd come spider.
Spider-Man: Who are you?
Black Cat: Just a stray black cat.
Spider-Man: You're definitely getting enough vitamins.


(after being thrown by Spider-Man)
Black Cat: Silly spider, cats always land on their feet.
(Spider-Man web-swings her down on her back)


Black Cat: Hey, I was just being curious. I wanted to see if I was as strong as you.
Spider-Man: Well, you know what they say about curiosity.
Black Cat: Believe me! I also know the value of surprise.
(sprays knockout gas into spiderman's face)


(after awakening from the Black Cat's knockout gas)
Spider-Man: Whoever that woman was, she gives new meaning to the word knockout.


John Hardesky: Tell me, now that you're all grown up, is there anyone special in your life?
Felicia: Actually, there is someone. He's a lot like you - mysterious.
John Hardesky: And you have strong feelings for him?
Felicia: Yes, I'm afraid so.


Black Cat: Hey spider, care to dance?
Spider-Man: Not this time.


Spider-Man: Kingpin? If you work for Kingpin, why don't you want to kill me?
Black Cat: Who knows? Maybe it's your animal magnetism.


(while trying to free Spider-Man's foot from the gooey material shot from the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent's gun)
Black Cat: You really put your foot in it this time spider.


(after the Black Cat kicks open a door)
Spider-Man: Nice touch!


(as he's about to web the door shut, trapping the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in the building)
Spider-Man: This'll keep them in there. (runs out of web fluid) Or maybe not.


(as she's about to make their getaway on a motorcycle)
Black Cat: Need a lift?
(as he puts on a helmet)
Spider-Man: I've got a feeling I'm going to need this


(after the Black Cat and Spider-Man commandeer a motorcycle)
Biker: You miserable thieves!
Spider-Man: We're not thieves. Well, I'm not, but her I'm not so sure about.


Spider-Man: I hate to be a backseat driver, but this is a one-way street.
Black Cat: Relax, I'm a New Yorker.
Spider-Man: Relax doesn't go in the same sentence as New York.


(after the Black Cat jumps the motorcycle over an oncoming bus)
Spider-Man: You didn't take lessons from a guy named Blade, did you?


(as he sees the approaching S.H.I.E.L.D. agents on their hovercrafts)
Spider-Man: Uh oh.
Black Cat: Ever hear the phrase divide and conquer? (they split up)


Spider-Man: Look, I don't even know who you are.
Black Cat: Like you I have my secrets, but that doesn't mean you can't trust me.
Spider-Man: Alright, but we have to return this bike first.
Black Cat: No problem.
Spider-Man: And then let's discuss this bad habit you have of taking things that aren't yours.


(as he holds a captured Black Cat hostage)
Doctor Octopus: Surrender, Spider-Man, unless you want to see if this little cat truly has nine lives.


Black Cat: Before we go, there's one last thing I have to tell you.
Spider-Man: Yes?
(pushing Spider-Man out of the way of a laser blast)
Black Cat: Duck.
Spider-Man: Duck?


(to the Black Cat as they are caught in the middle of a fight between Kingpin's troops and S.H.I.E.L.D.'s agents)
Spider-Man: If we stay here, we may take a hit from either side, or both. Personally, I like a little more control over my destiny.


(to the Black Cat as they are about to jump out of Kingpin's hovercraft over the river)
Spider-Man: We all know how cats feel about water, but I think I can keep your paws dry. (shoots out a web parachute)


Black Cat: Great working with you spider. Don't be surprised if I cross your path again.
(knocks Spider-Man into the river)


(after getting pushed into the river by Black Cat)
Spider-Man: What is it with me? Why do woman always leave me high and "wet"? Well, at least when she wasn't looking I put a spider tracer on her. (sees it on his back) Huh? She put it back on me!

E04 - The Return of Kraven [edit]



Black Cat: Is this private or can any party animal join the hunt?

E05 - Partners [edit]



(after she knockout a thief with her knockout gas)
Black Cat: Time for your cat nap.


(Smythe wants Spider-Man to capture the Vulture or the Scorpion, or he won't release the Black Cat)
Spider-Man: Great! How am I gonna find those two worms in an apple this big?


Scorpion: There's only one reason I bothered to save your miserable life after your lab went kablooey! It's because I need a science guy like you to turn me back into plain old Mac Gargan!
Vulture: Fine! Then let me go, so I can cure us both!
Scorpion: You're gonna stay right where you are, until I can get the money to build us a lab.
Vulture: Why don't you steal it, bug-boy? Petty crime is your forte.
Scorpion: No! I told you - I'm going straight!
Vulture: (laughs) You're going nowhere, Gargan! You're hiding! Maybe you should call yourself "The Cockroach"!
Scorpion: Nah...


Spider-Man: Took long enough to snoop you out! Looks like retirement didn't mellow you any--
Scorpion: Beat it, ya stinkin' yo-yo! I don't have time to joke around!


Spider-Man: Scorpion, you're gonna listen to me if I have to tie you up with your own tail!
Scorpion: All right, you want my tail, Spider-Man?! Here - it's all yours! (blasts acid at him)


Black Cat: Maybe I should take super hero lessons from the Hulk instead!


Black Cat: So, here's another fine mess we've gotten ourselves into, Ollie.
Spider-Man: Any bright ideas, partner?
Black Cat: Did I hear you say "partner"?


Smythe: (to Scorpion) You are a freak of nature, whom I shall eliminate!
Spider-Man: Great line, coming from a cyborg!


Alisa: I'm sorry it turned out this way, father. But at least you won't have to worry about diapers anymore.
Silvermane: I wouldn't be so sure about that!


(Black Cat is trying to get a door open)
Spider-Man: Here, let me do it. This takes muscle.
Black Cat: (wrenches door open) You're right. It did!


Spider-Man: You were terrific back there, and I would be honored to have you fight by my side. Not only that but I really care about you. Partners?
Black Cat: (kisses his cheek) That and maybe more.

E06 - The Awakening[edit]



Black Cat: Is this the best you can do? Boring!

E07 - The Vampire Queen [edit]



nothing interesting

E08 - The Return of the Green Goblin [edit]



(trying to steer the Goblin Glider)
Peter: No wonder Norman went crazy. Trying to steer this things would make anyone nuts!


(to Punisher, while pointing up at the Green Goblin)
Peter: Well, what do ya know, that must be me up there.


Harry: (delusional singing) Spider-Man and the Punisher, sitting in a tree. M.J., M.J., M.J., and me. (cackles)
Punisher: (to Peter) You're friend, Osborn here, is a few pumpkins short of a full pie.

E09 - The Haunting Of Mary Jane [edit]



Jameson: Your plundering is gonna get us sliced into fish paste!
(after drowning the robots)
Spider-Man: Well, that should stop them.
Jameson: What if they can swim?
Spider-Man: No way! It's flesh that provides buoyancy, or hot air. Which means you'd never drown.
Jameson: Why you..
Spider-Man: Ah, ah, ah! Be nice, I just saved your life, remember?


(to Jameson, before going after Mysterio)
Spider-Man: Yeah, right. I'd love to listen to you, squid-lips, but I've got another fish to catch. And he comes with his own fishbowl.

E10 - The Lizard King [edit]



(after Mary Jane jumps off a building)
Peter: Why would you do that?
Mary Jane: To prove to myself that you'll always be there for me when it really counts. You will, won't you, Peter?
Peter: Yes. Yes, I will.


Mary Jane: What's the matter?
Spider-Man: With all my super powers, I was helpless. It took three normal women to save the world.
Mary Jane: Anything wrong with that?
Spider-Man: No, but I was hoping to be the only one to wear the superhero costume in the family. Of course, it would probably look better on you anyway.


Peter: Mary Jane, this whole thing only proves to me how dangerous being Spider-Man's wife going to be. Are you sure you want to keep wearing my ring?
Mary Jane: Bet your life on it, tiger. It will take a lot to be Spider-Man's wife, but I learned something today. If anyone can do it, it will be Mary Jane Watson.

E11 - The Prowler [edit]



(to the Prowler)
Spider-Man: Nice claws. You ever hang out with my friend Wolverine?

SEASON 5[edit]

E01 - The Wedding[edit]



(to the Scorpion after he kicked him away from the bank vault he was trying to break into)
Spider-Man: Sorry Scorpion, you've exceeded your daily withdrawal limit.
The Scorpion: You again. Why do you always show up no matter where I go?
Spider-Man: Hey, I'm a superhero, remember?


(to the Scorpion)
Spider-Man: Hey, you gargantuan, green, goofball. Only a sissy would hide behind a defenseless woman.
Aunt May: I couldn't agree more.
Spider-Man: If she wasn't busy, you'd probably send your own mother to fight your battles.


(to Peter about the wedding he's going to plan for him)
Jameson: Nothing personal, but between Fisk and me, this wedding business is war.
Peter: (to himself) Oh, fine.
Jameson: And don't worry about paying me back, you can work it off over the next decade or two.
Peter: Huh?


(to the Black Cat through the monitor of his robot's head after it was knocked from the robot itself)
Kingpin: It was so nice to partner with you my dear. If ever you need a job...
Black Cat: Can it, Fisk? Next time I'm going to do a job, on you.
(kicks robot's head causing the transmission to be lost)

E02 - Six Forgotten Warriors[edit]



Aunt May: Please, be careful, dear. Your helping me move wouldn't be worth it if you sprained your back.
Peter: Okay Aunt May, I think I can handle it.
(to himself) After all, I do have the proportional strength of a spider. (trips on a toy fire truck) Of course that spider agility of mine could use a little practice.


Keene Marlow: Let me talk to her. Now, why don't you go out and take a walk or something.
(to himself after changing into his Spider-Man costume)
Peter: I need to do something all right, but I'll take wall crawling over walking any day.


(as Spider-Man sneaks around S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters through the ventilation)
Spider-Man: Glad they haven't changed their ventilation system since I was here last.


Doc. Octopus: Spider-Man, here?
Spider-Man: It's so gratifying to be recognized. I must compliment my P.R. firm.


Spider-Man: Happy to see me, big guy?
Rhino: (chuckles) Delighted!


(to Spider-Man after chasing off the Insidious Six)
Nick Fury: Spider-Man, are you okay?
Spider-Man: Yeah. I'd love to chat about old times, but we've got to stop those goons.


(as he locates the Insidious Six, making their getaway)
Spider-Man: At last, I found the six stooges again.


(as he hangs onto the Insidious Six's hovercraft by a web, while it flies over the city)
Spider-Man: To bad this won't count towards my frequent flier mileage.

E03 - Unclaimed Legacy[edit]



(to Robbie as the Russian police arrive)
Spider-Man: I'd love to continue this chat, but neither of us needs to spend the night in a Russian jail cell.


(to Spider-Man)
Doctor Octopus: Is there no place on Earth where I can be rid of your meddlesome presence?


(to the Insidious Six)
Spider-Man: Did you guys come here on separate flights, or on one of those super-villain package deals?


(to Spider-Man)
Rhino: I always wanted to send you and your big mouth to Siberia.
Scorpion: Yeah, only now it ain't so far.


Kingpin: I must say, this is an unexpected treat.
Spider-Man: If I were you, Kingpin, I'd cut down on the treats.


Spider-Man: You hatch a different crackpot scheme every week, Fisk, what makes this one so special?


Spider-Man: World domination? Kingpin, now you sound like a Saturday morning cartoon villain.


Silver Sable:Sleeping gas is working!.
(Silver sable and her wildpack gases everyone in the room.


(waking up from the sleeping gas)
Spider-Man: Oh, my aching head. Now where am I?
(sees himself and the Insidious Six chained to the wall)
One things for sure, I've got to start hanging around with a better class of people.


Silver Sable: I am not a criminal. I am merely a professional for hire.
Spider-Man: Which means you just work for whichever creep pays the most. I think I prefer these guys over here.
(refers to the Insidious Six)
There dishonesty is more, honest.


(after Kragov is unmasked)
Spider-Man: Kragov, the chief of police, why are you doing this?
Kragov: Because Kragov is only my assumed named. I am really the son of the Red Skull, who will bring his father's dreams of world domination to fruition.
Spider-Man: Now there's a nice family business for ya.


(as Kragov's base starts to collapse)
Spider-Man: They just don't build these fortresses like they use to.


(after narrowly escaping Kragov's exploding base)
Spider-Man: Now that's what I call an E-ticket ride.


(to Kingpin about the Wolf Pack, as they are surrounded by the Insidious Six)
Spider-Man: These guys don't talk much big guy, but something tells me they're going to give you one heck of a fight.


(to her Wolf Pack)
Silver Sable: Come, we must also be off before the radiation poisons us as well.
Spider-Man: No kidding, one dose of radiation a lifetime is enough.



E04 - Secrets of the Six[edit]



nothing interesting

E05 - The Six Fight Again[edit]



Rhino: Say hello to the next duke of New Jersey!
Spider-Man: The Kingpin gets the world and gives you Jersey? You need a better agent!

E06 - The Price of Heroism[edit]



nothing interesting

E07 - The Return of Hydro-Man: Pt. 1[edit]



Black Cat: I needed to be with somebody a little more light-hearted. Somebody like you, Spider.
Spider-Man: I'm Sorry, Cat, it's to late for that. Much to late.
Black Cat: Well, I certainly feel a little bit foolish.


Spider-Man: I don't mean to sound like Dr. Ruth, but Morrie, don't you think the lady's trying to tell you something? By evaporating you, boiling you, and fleeing in terror from you?

E08 - The Return of Hydro-Man: Pt. 2[edit]



(to Hydro-Man)
Mary Jane: I hate the sound of your voice, I can't stand to look at you...
Spider-Man: And let's not bring up your personality!
"'Spider-Man:"' NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARY JANE! EEEVVVVERYDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(as he sits on top of the bridge)
Spider-Man: What happened to you, Mary Jane? I can't go on without knowing. Not as Spider-Man! Not as anyone!
Madame Web: Oh how wrong you are, Spider-Man. As usual.
Spider-Man: No, not you again!
Madame Web: I still have something very important for you to do. Have you forgotten that I have been preparing you this long while for the most important battle of your life?
Spider-Man: I remembered all of my encounters with you, Madame Web. I want nothing to do with you.
Madame Web: But suppose I told you I know where Mary Jane is and you will only find her if you do as I command.
Spider-Man: Leave me alone!
Madame Web: I cannot! This is your destiny, Spider-Man. And now the fate of mankind rests on your weary shoulders.

E09 - Secret Wars: Arrival[edit]



Madame Web: He is the one. He alone can make the difference between existence and destruction. I wager that he may surprise you. Put him to the test.


Beyonder: ...choose your game pieces wisely for your only chance to save this planet and return home is to lead the fight against evil... and win.


Lizard: This story your telling me is unbelievable. And yet, here I am with my rational mind trapped in this lizard body. I'm with you. I'll help you with whatever way I can.
Spider-Man: Thanks, Doc.


Spider-Man: We've always acted heroically because it was the right thing to do. Now, we can show this alien monstrosity, the Beyonder, what Earth people are really made of.


Beyonder: A most promising start. But there is still much to be done if Spider-Man is to survive destruction. Soon, Spider-Man will face his greatest horror in the Universe.

E10 - The Gauntlet of the Red Skull[edit]



Spider-Man: Cat, you really have to hear us out.
Black Cat: Talk fast and then we'll see how angry I still am.


Black Cat: Let me get this straight, Spider. You brought me to this planet without my permission and now you want me to go on a suicide run? I just wish somebody had the courage to ask me first.


Spider-Man: Cat! I hope you're still not angry with me
Black Cat: I certainly am.
Spider-Man: I'm sorry. Look, I didn't bring you here so we could fight.
Black Cat: What did you bring me here?
Spider-Man: I needed your support, Cat. You know how I think. You know how I like to operate. You and I work like a team. I just thought..
Black Cat: That I'd make you feel better? Why do you always think you're the only one who's important? I left two young heroes back on Earth who need me too. Do you think it was fair to them to snatch me away just to hold your hand, Spider? Won't you ever grow up?
Spider-Man: Well, that's gotten things to a wonderful start.


Captain America: If it gets any worse it might be wise for us to turn back.
Spider-Man: That's not an option. We keep moving. (to himself) You almost sound like you know what you're doing. Fact is, Mo probably does a better job of leading the three stooges.


Spider-Man: Me and my big mouth, why didn't you just set 'em up on a date, Spidey? What am I feeling here? Watch it, Spidey, if you lose your cool we're all done for.


Spider-Man: I'm sorry. I know how much you both wanted the Red Skull.
Captain America: Getting our cat back was much more important, to all of us.


Spider-Man: Cat, I am sorry, that I brought you here against your will.
Black Cat: I'm not.
Spider-Man: You're not?
Black Cat: I know I was really angry, but here I am fighting along side of the greatest heroes of all time.
Spider-Man: Yeah, Cap is quite a..
Black Cat: I wasn't talking about Cap. You, Spider. You're quite a leader. I wouldn't want to miss sharing this action with you for all the world. Thanks.

E11 - Doom[edit]



nothing interesting

E12 - I Really, Really hate clones[edit]



Spider-Man: This is starting to sound like a bad comic book plot!

E13 - Farewell, Spider-man [edit]



(After the Kingpin finally learns of Spider-Carnage's plan to destroy all of reality)
Kingpin: Why would you do this?!
Spider-Carnage: Ever since that spider bit me, the world has misunderstood me and tormented me! Now it's my turn. I'm gonna OBLITERATE YOU ALL!!!


Spider-Man: How did you know the Peter Parker downstairs wasn't me?
Gwen Stacy: He's nutty as a fruitcake! A girlfriend notices little things like that.
Spider-Man: You don't know the half of it.


Stan Lee: Who is that exotic lady?
Spider-Man: Oh, her? She's my ride.


Madame Web: Face front, true believer. We're going to find the real Mary Jane Watson.
Spider-Man: What?
Madame Web: It's been a long, hard journey and I think you're finally entitled to some happiness.
Spider-Man: Amen to that, dear lady. Amen to that.

External links[edit]