- Judge: So Haley, you what'll it be? Texas Military Academy or VGA?
- Haley: Texas Military Academy, your honor.
- Judge: VGA it is.
- Haley: You didn't owe it to me to be a decent coach. You owed it to me to be a decent human being.
- Burt Vickerman: (after Haley is being sarcastic) (being sarcastic) Oh goody. I heard you were like this, I'm so glad it's true.
- Haley: (voiceover) If you like falling, gymnastics is for you! You get to fall on your face, your ass, your knees, your back, and your pride! Good thing I didn't like falling. I LOVED it!
- Haley: (after listening to Burt Vickerman talk to ten parents about their children going to the Oympics) You have a lot of people going to the Olmypics. Just wondering: What country are they going to represent? The State of Delusion?
- Joanne: (after hearing Vick was going to do a routine on the trampoline) You can't do this! You'll have a cardio vascestomy! I'LL have a cardio vascestomy!! Think about your wenis!!
- Haley (voiceover): "Gymnastics is like the Navy Seals, but harder. There are, like, 2000 Navy Seals, but only 200 elite gymnasts. I guess most teenagers would rather have a life than spend 6 hours a day training to do tricks that could KILL you. Don't be fooled by the leotards, people! The things that gymnasts do make the Navy Seals look like wusses. And we do them WITHOUT a gun!"
- Haley (voiceover): "If you like running full speed at a stationary object, vault is for you. If you like peeling skin the size of quarters of your hands, bars if for you. Because the only thing better than when you get rips, is when your rips get rips. It's super sexy. And floor, I mean, come on, who doesn't want to prance around in a leotard doing dorky choreography?"
- Mina: (to Joanne) Who died and made you Nadia?
- Joanne: Call me.
- Poot: Stalk you.
- Burt: Joanne, go do your independent study.
- Joanne: (points at Haley) What about her? Doesn't she have to homeschool?
- Haley: (puts hand to ear like a phone) Mina, right?
- Mina: (pretends to answer phone) Yeah.
- Joanne: Mina! Put down the phone!
- Haley: Mina, tell that foxymoron that I got my GED when I was fifteen.
- Mina: Joanne, Haley got her GED when she was fifteen.
- Joanne: (annoyed) What's with all the closed captioning? I'm not mute! (to Haley) A GED? What does drunk driving have to do with school? (leaves)
- Joanne:It's not called gym-nice-tics.
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