Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable, precise and verifiable source for any quote on this list please move it to Bill Engvall. --Antiquary 14:24, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
- You ever heard of a rattlesnake round up? What they do is these guys go and find around 30 to 40 rattlesnakes, which is like the third or fourth most deadliest snake in the world. They take these snakes and put them in a cage not smaller than this stage here. They send guys and girls to go into the cage and put the snakes in sacks. Well why don't we just jump out in front of trucks on the highway? [Pretends to jump] Yep! [Pretends to get hit by a truck; laughs] My bad.
- I was watching the news and there was a report about this 30-foot python just livin' under some guy's house. How do you miss this? Wouldn't your first clue have been, "Honey have you seen the dog? Honey?"
- I finally figured out what (Spam) stands for: Stuff Posing As Meat.