That Mitchell and Webb Look
That Mitchell and Webb Look is a sketch comedy television series written by the British comedy duo Mitchell and Webb, and based on their earlier production That Mitchell and Webb Sound.
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Contents |
[edit] Series 1
[edit] Episode one
[edit] Sir Digby Chicken Caesar
Sir Digby: "On a lonely planet spinning its way toward damnation amid the fear and despair of a broken human race, who is left to fight for all that is good and pure and gets you smashed for under a fiver? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar!"
Sir Digby: "The story so far: As usual, Ginger and I are engaged on our quest to find out what the hell is going on and save humanity from my nemesis, some bastard who is presumably responsible."
Sir Digby: "The forces of darkness say - give me my can back. The forces of darkness are moving in. Quick, search Jacques, see if he's got any money."
Sir Digby: "Will Jacques have any money, or will Ginger be forced to go back on the game? Where will my nemesis strike again - will he attack a political leader, attempt a terrorist outrage, or have another go at stealing my special plastic bag filled with fluff and litter?"
[edit] Series 2
[edit] Episode 1
- Mitchell: [in a Sky Sports teaser parody] Thousands and thousands of hours of football, each more climactic than the last! Constant, dizzying, twenty-four hour, yearlong, endless football! Every kick of it massively mattering to someone, presumably. Watch it all, all here, all the time, forever, it will never stop, the football is officially going on forever! It will never be finally decided who has won the football! There is still everything to play for, and forever to play it in! Watch the Football! Keep Looking at the Football! It's Going to Move...
[edit] Episode 2
Skit from That Mitchell and Webb Look
[edit] Sir Digby Chicken Caesar
Sir Digby: "In a world spinning as fast as the inside of Homebase when you've just had a go at a four-pack of Dulux tester cans, who is left to fight for all that is right and proper and good and leather and full of money and belonging to that teenager who doesn't look like he can handle himself? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Caesar!"
Sir Digby: "Excellent use of the Monogram Panty Liner…"
Sir Digby: "I believe we are looking for a menstruating child who is waterproof to a depth of fifty meters."
Sir Digby: "Gadzooks! He must be hiding amongst these cake-eating dwarfs!"
Sir Digby: "How did my nemesis shrink himself? When will Ginger find a better method for discovering waterproof dwarfs? Why don't kids' parties have real booze anymore like they did when I was a dwarf? Find out in the next enthralling instalment of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar."
[edit] Episode 3
[edit] Sir Digby Chicken Caesar
Sir Digby: "Tell mama I wont be dining tonight."
Security: "You two, out!"
Ginger: "But we're not having sex, we're not having sex!"
Sir Digby: "Ginger, I think my nemesis has corrupted even my beloved mother!"
Sir Digby: "In a country lacerated by the sharp shards of broken brown-eyed promises, in a world bent low by the burden of disease, war and the price of Thunderbird, who is left to make full account of God and Britain's depleted moral mini bar? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Caesar!"
Countess: "He's got germs!"
Sir Digby: "Ginger, beat the crap out of her!"
Sir Digby: "How will I break the unholy alliance between the Countess and my nemesis? How will I tell friend from foe if not by asking them for a quid and then pushing them over? Is it true that if you sneak into the London eye they let you sleep there?"
[edit] Episode 3
- Mitchell: Welcome to Back to Life...
- Webb: ...Back to Reality.
- Mitchell: The show that adds an "un-" to the phrase "safe revival of cryogenically frozen billionaires"...
- Webb: ...and an "ir-" to the phrase "responsible treatment of reanimated cadavers!"
- Sir Digby: "How many harmless narcotics must Ginger and I consume before the empire is safe? What the hell happened to my grant from the Home Office? How much longer will Benji's remain the only sandwich shop not to have security men on the door? Find out in the next thrilling instalment of The Surprising Adventures of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar!"
- Robert: So when... do they use the kilns?
- David: I just told you, they don't use kilns. There are no kilns.
- Robert: So you're telling me that they don't have to heat up milk to make cheese?
- David: That's exactly what I'm saying. You don't get cheese just by cooking milk.
- Robert: That's how it was discovered. Someone left some milk on a hot stone, and it turned into cheese.
- David: That isn't true.
- Robert: That's how they used to store it when they had too much milk. They didn't have fridges David.
- David: I accept that, Rob.
- Robert: So then how did they turn the cheese back into milk? They needed kilns!
- David: You can't turn cheese back into milk. Apply heat to cheese, and what you get is melted cheese, not milk.
- Robert: You don't know what the hell you're talking about, do you?!
- David: I know how cheese is made.
- Robert: Oh, really?
- David: Yes, yes. Well you take the milk, and then you leave it to... to not ferment exactly, but then you scrape... you separate the curds and whey.
- Robert: This isn't a nursery rhyme, David.
- David And then you leave it until-
- Robert: You put it into the kiln until it forms a hard skin, so that it doesn't fall to bits.
- David: Cheese doesn't form it's own skin! They put the skin on!
- Robert: They put the skin on?!
- David: YES.
- Robert: Did you hear what you just said?! They put the skin on?
- David: Oh, what so you think Edam has a particularly red skin because of the temperate they baked the milk at?!
- Robert: I'M NOT CLAIMING TO BE A FUCKING SCIENTIST, DAVID. I just know they don't- how do they put the skin on?!
- David: I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY PUT THE FUCKING SKIN ON.
- Robert: What are we talking about then?
- David: I didn't start it!
- Robert: You've got a problem mate.
- David: No YOU'VE got a problem.
- Robert: You've got a problem.
- David: You've got a problem.
[edit] Episode 4
- Robert: [presenting the prizes for the "Conveyor Belt Round" as people walk by carrying them] Food objects! Fuel! Tablets! Holy tablets! [A presenter carries a toy dog past] Frightening animal! Someone's head! [A presenter carries a traffic cone past] We don't know but they're everywhere. A stone. A stone. A stone. A stone. [A presenter carries a giant clock on a stand past] We don't know but they're everywhere, [A presenter carries another stuffed toy past] frightening animal.
