The Cosby Show

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The Cosby Show (1984-1992) was an American sitcom starring Bill Cosby. The show focused on a doctor and lawyer couple and their five children, known as the Huxtable family.

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Contents

[edit] Season 1

[edit] Pilot Presentation [1.01]

Theo: I mean, you're a doctor and Mom's a lawyer, but I don't love you any less because you're my dad. So instead of being disappointed that I'm not like you, maybe you should be happy and love me anyway, because I'm your son.
Cliff: Theo... That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you get D's in everything! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your father. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!
Cliff: Theo, your mother asked me to come up here and kill you.
Clair: Theres a new rule in this house, starting now: No one's to touch anyone anywhere with anything for the rest of their lives!

[edit] Goodbye Mr.Fish [1.02]

Cliff: Take the sunglasses off! [Denise takes sunglasses off] Put the sunglasses on!

[edit] Bad Dreams [1.03]

[edit] Knight to Night [1.04]

[edit] Is That My Boy? [1.05]

[edit] Breaking With Tradition [1.06]

[edit] One More Time [1.07]

[edit] A Shirt Story [1.08]

Cliff: I'll give you thirty dollars.
Theo: Thirty?!
Cliff: 'Kay then, five!
Clair: Theo, put on your coat.
Theo: And cover up my Itchy Amorada?

[edit] Play It Again Vanessa [1.09]

[Vanessa is playing the clarinet badly while Cliff and Theo are playing chess]
Cliff: [starts destroying the game] Listen it's halftime.
Theo: Dad, there's no halftime in chess!
Cliff: Well the band is playing so, that's halftime.

[edit] How Ugly is He? [1.10]

Cliff: [Talking to Denise's boy-friend] If you don't plan on going to college then what do you plan on doing?
David: I think I'm going to just spend some time trying to find myself.
Cliff: And how long do you think thats going to take?
David: About five or ten years.
Cliff: In that amount of time you could find yourself and a few other people.
Denise: Dinners ready. [as Cliff walks by] So how do you like him?
Cliff: I don't know if it's him or not; he hasn't found himself yet.

[edit] Bon Jour Sondra [1.11]

[edit] Father's Day [1.12]

[edit] Rudy's Sick [1.13]

[edit] Independence Day [1.14]

[edit] Physician of the Year [1.15]

[edit] Jitterbug Break [1.16]

[edit] Theo and the Joint [1.17]

[edit] Vanessa's New Class [1.18]

[edit] Clair's Case [1.19]

[edit] Back to the Track, Jack [1.20]

[edit] The Younger Woman [1.21]

[edit] The Slumber Party [1.22]

Cliff: Now Rudy, what did your grandpa do to make you all quiet?
Rudy: He said if you all sit down quietly and smile, you'll give us all a dollar by morning.

[edit] Mr. Quiet [1.23]

[edit] Cliff's Birthday [1.24]

[edit] Season 2

[edit] First Day of School [2.01]

Cliff: [to Theo] You worked hard this summer. I've never seen anyone work so hard at begging. Begging for money for pizza. Begging to stay up late to chase after little girls who don't love you.
[Theo is wearing a sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off]
Cliff: Theo is that the shirt we bought?
Theo: Yeah.
Cliff: Well, when we bought it, didn't it have sleeves?
Theo: Yeah, they're upstairs.
Cliff: Well, didn't they feel like coming down this morning?
Cliff: [after saying how expensive the sweatshirt was] Now, if fashion dictates that you cut sleeves off, that's fine with me. But somehow, somewhere, in this lifetime, you will wear those sleeves.
Cliff: [Phone rings.] Oh, not another Vanessa caller. [answers] Vanessa's residence? No, she cannot come to the phone right now. Because it's now 10:01, and she cannot take any calls past 10:00. No I cannot take a message, I am her father. I'm a doctor, I graduated from medical school, alright? Thank you for calling, this is a live voice.

[edit] The Juicer [2.02]

[edit] Happy Anniversary [2.03]

[edit] Cliff in Love [2.04]

[edit] Theo And The Older Woman [2.05]

Cliff: [about Theo flirting on Denise's friend] The girl doesn't understand that the boy is fifteen years old. At fifteen the boy would hit on a snake.

[edit] Halloween [2.06]

[edit] Denise Drives [2.07]

Theo: It's important for a young, available man to have wheels.
Denise: Why is that?
Theo: Because he who walks, walks alone.

[edit] Rudy Suits Up [2.08]

[edit] Clair's Sister [2.09]

[edit] Denise's Friend [2.10]

[edit] Clair's Toe [2.11]

[edit] Mrs. Westlake [2.12]

[edit] Vanessa's Bad Grade [2.13]

[edit] The Auction [2.14]

[edit] Theo and Cockroach [2.15]

[edit] The Dentist [2.16]

[edit] Play It Again, Russell [2.17]

[edit] A Touch of Wonder [2.18]

[edit] Full House [2.19]

[edit] Close to Home [2.20]

[edit] Theo's Holiday [2.21]

[edit] An Early Spring [2.22]

[edit] Season 3

[edit] Bring 'em Back Alive [3.01]

[edit] Food for Thought [3.02]

[edit] Golden Anniversary [3.03]

[edit] Man Talk [3.04]

[edit] Mother, May I? [3.05]

[edit] The March [3.06]

[edit] Theo's Flight [3.07]

[edit] Vanessa's Rich [3.08]

[edit] Denise Gets a D [3.09]

[edit] A Girl and Her Dog [3.10]

[edit] War Stories [3.11]

[edit] Cliff in Charge [3.12]

[edit] Monster Man Huxtable [3.13]

[edit] Rudy Spends the Night [3.14]

[edit] Say Hello to a Good Buy [3.15]

[edit] Denise Gets an Opinion [3.16]

[edit] Calling Dr. Huxtable [3.17]

[edit] You Only Hurt the One You Love [3.18]

[edit] The Shower [3.19]

[edit] Cliff's 50th Birthday [3.20]

[edit] I Know That You Know [3.21]

[edit] Andalusian Flu [3.22]

[edit] Bald and Beautiful [3.23]

[edit] Planning Parenthood [3.24]

[edit] Hillman [3.25]

[edit] Season 4

[edit] Call of the Wild [4.01]

[Elvin and Sondra's diplomas have just fallen off the wall of their run-down apartment]
Cliff: These are your degrees from Princeton.
Elvin: Yes.
Cliff: Fell down.
Elvin: Yes.
Cliff: Rather symbolic, don't you think?

[edit] Theogate [4.02]

[edit] It Ain't Easy Being Green [4.03]

[edit] Cliff's Mistake [4.04]

[edit] Shakespeare [4.05]

[edit] That's Not What I Said [4.06]

[edit] Autumn Gifts [4.07]

[edit] Looking Back: Part 1 [4.08a]

[edit] Looking Back: Part 2 [4.08b]

[edit] Where's Rudy? [4.09]

Cliff: I don't know what it is between your ears and brain that is dislodged. So whenever we tell you "watch your sister", by the time it travels to your brain it turns to "let her go wandering around the mall." And I just pray to the heavens that I could find something to fix it. A screwdriver, or maybe a brick!
Clair: [Talking to Vanessa and Theo] Just go wait in the car.
Cliff: No wait under the car.
Kim: Are you lost?
Rudy: I was with my brother and sister but I left cause they were stupid.

[edit] Bookworm [4.10]

[edit] Dance Mania [4.11]

[edit] The Locker Room [4.12]

[edit] The Show Must Go On [4.13]

[edit] Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star [4.14]

[edit] The Visit [4.15]

[edit] The Drum Major [4.16]

[edit] Waterworks [4.17]

[edit] Once Upon a Time [4.18]

[edit] Petanque [4.19]

[edit] Trust Me [4.20]

[edit] Home for the Weekend [4.21]

[edit] The Prom [4.22]

[edit] Gone Fishin' [4.23]

[edit] Season 5

[edit] Together Again and Again [5.01]

[edit] The Physical [5.02]

[edit] Rudy's All Nighter [5.03]

[edit] Move It [5.04]

[edit] Out of Brooklyn [5.05]

[edit] The Birth [5.06]

[edit] Cyranoise De Bergington [5.07]

[edit] How Do You Get to Carnegie Hall? [5.08]

[edit] If The Dress Fits, Wear It [5.09]

[edit] Is There a Hampster in the House? [5.10]

[edit] Cliff Babysits [5.11]

[edit] Truth or Consequences [5.12]

[edit] Lost Weekend [5.13]

[edit] Mrs. Huxtable Goes to Kindergarten [5.14]

[edit] Dead End Kids Meet Dr. Lotus [5.15]

[edit] Can I Say Something? [5.16]

[edit] No Way Baby [5.17]

[edit] It Comes And It Goes [5.18]

[edit] The Boys of Winter [5.19]

[edit] Theo's Women [5.20]

[edit] Birthday Blues [5.21]

[edit] A Room with No View [5.22]

[Rudy and Vanessa are drinking orange juice]
Rudy: It's easy, for me, because I have better manners than you.
Vanessa: Rudy, its not nice to say that you have better manners than someone.
Rudy: Its true, because if you had any manners at all, maybe you have a boyfriend right now, and you don't because you're a pig.
Vanessa: You're the slop that pigs eat.
Rudy: You are the piggy that make all the other piggies sick.
[Vanessa starts strangling Rudy. Cliff comes in the kitchen]
Cliff: Stop it! What are you doing?
Vanessa: I just wanted to straighten out her shirt.

[edit] What He Did for Love [5.23]

[edit] Day of the Locusts [5.24]

[edit] 57 Varieties [5.25]

[edit] Season 6

[edit] Denise: The Saga Continues [6.01]

Clair: Denise is married and I don't even know her last name.
Cliff: Mrs. Stupid.

[edit] Surf's Up [6.02]

[edit] I'm IN with the 'IN' Crowd [6.03]

[edit] Denise Kendall: Navy Wife [6.04]

[edit] Theo's Gift [6.05]

[edit] Denise Kendall: Babysitter [6.06]

[edit] Shall We Dance? [6.07]

[edit] The Day the Spores Landed [6.08]

[edit] Thanksgiving at the Huxtables [6.09]

[edit] Grampy and Nu-Nu Visit the Huxtables [6.10]

[edit] Cliff La Douce [6.11]

[edit] Getting to Know You [6.12]

[edit] Elvin Pays for Dinner [6.13]

[edit] Cliff's Nightmare [6.14]

[edit] Denise Kendall: Single's Counselor [6.15]

[edit] The Birthday Party [6.16]

[edit] Not Everybody Loves the Blues [6.17]

[edit] Rudy's Walk on the Wildside [6.18]

[edit] Mister Sandman [6.19]

[edit] Isn't It Romantic? [6.20]

[edit] Theo's Dirty Laundry [6.21]

[edit] What's It All About? [6.22]

[edit] Off to See the Wretched [6.23]

[edit] The Moves [6.24]

[edit] Live and Learn [6.25]

[edit] The Story Teller [6.26]

[edit] Season 7

[edit] Same Time Next Year [7.01]

[edit] Bird in the Hand [7.02]

[edit] Last Barbecue [7.03]

Elvin: Why can't we just have simple bodies....like Dad.
Cliff: This is your piece.
Sondra: Elvin, I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror but your body is certainly not complicated.
Elvin: Thank you Sondra, I'll be sure to keep my feelings about your body to myself.
Sondra: What feelings?
Elvin: It is not the time or place.
Sondra: No, what feelings?
Elvin: Your neck.
Sondra: What's wrong with my neck?!
Elvin: It's a shade thin, sometimes I wonder how you swallow.

[edit] Period of Adjustment [7.04]

Rudy: This is woman stuff. I really need to talk to mom.
Cliff: I'm a gynecologist and you want to talk to a lawyer.

[edit] It's All in the Game [7.05]

Clair: How about getting in the car to got to work and discovering your daughters understanding of 'empty' is 'I'll just park the car over here and mom fill it up'.
Cliff: How about leaving the car radio on so that both of us have a heart attack last time. You left the thing on so loud your mother's hair went straight up!
Theo: Mom, you guys don't give us enough credit for understanding you.
Clair: When have you understood us? And what have you understood? You, who are beyond understanding yourself. I don't understand, how could you possibly understand me?
Cliff: [About Theo in little league] We watched the ball hit you in the face, we watched the ball hit you in the back, and a couple of times we watched you say as the ball went past, "Hey, what's the big deal?" And finally the big game. The final score was 75 to 98. Between the two teams there was three hits, 672 errors, 547 walks, three kids were beaned, and we had to wait two hours for one kid to stop crying. The game was busted open by a grand-slam bunt!
Denise: How about when you have a date with a guy you really like?
Vanessa: Go ahead, tell him Denise.
Denise: And your father insists on meeting him. So what does he do? He takes the guy into the kitchen...
Cliff: Have a little talk.
Denise: Yeah, have a little talk with your four-foot buck-knife!
Vanessa: You took Jeremy into that kitchen, took two apples put them on top of each other. Said that was us. Took one of the apples, skinned it, and said that was him. I haven't heard from the boy since.
Theo: Dad, all those stories we have come to find out are not true.
Cliff: What? Who said? From who?
Denise, Theo, Rudy and Vanessa: Grandpa!
Cliff: You're going to believe a man that age?!

[edit] Getting the Story [7.06]

[edit] Just Thinking About It: Part 1 [7.07a]

[edit] Just Thinking About It: Part 2 [7.07b]

[edit] The Infantry Has Landed [7.08]

[edit] You Can Go Home Again [7.09]

[edit] It's a Boy [7.10]

[edit] Clair's Liberation [7.11]

Theo: Ah, your just in time, turkey burgers all around.
Claire: Alright, put one on my plate please? It looks good, I don't know what to put on it.
Cliff: How about some mustard.
Claire: Don't patronize me! I know what I want. I want some of the red stuff.
Theo: Mom, it's ketchup. [Claire gives him a look]
Cliff: Theo...[shakes his head no]
Theo: Right mom, red stuff.
Claire: Go get me a glass of water Rudy!?
Vanessa: Mom, I'm Vanessa.
Claire: Whoever you are, go get me a glass of water! No forget the water just give me ice, lots of ice! Pam get me a warm towel!?
Pam: Coming right up.
Claire: Oh, never mind, get out of my way! Ah this is so much better! [puts her face in the freezer]
Cliff: Would you get me some ice cream while you're in there?
Claire: Have you lost your mind, an ice cream would melt in this room, a person could burn up in this room. Never mind lets just get through this dinner! [slams the freezer door] Now where is Rudy?
Vanessa: Don't you remember, Denise took Rudy out tonight.
Claire: And who is Denise! Oh, that's right, that's the child's sister.
Theo: Mom would you like some peas?
Claire: I was hoping we have carrots. [starts crying]
Theo: We can make carrots mom.
Claire: It's too late, it's too late, I wanted something orange.
Cliff: Why didn't you fix some carrots boy? You kids are not worth a nickel around here.
Vanessa: Mom, its ok, they have tear ducts specialists for this.
Claire: My tear ducts are fine, it's my children who are so stupid!
Claire and Cliff: Gotcha!

[edit] It's Your Move [7.12]

[edit] Theo's Final Final [7.13]

[edit] Attack of the Killer B's [7.14]

[edit] Total Control [7.15]

[edit] Adventures in Babysitting [7.16]

[edit] 27 and Still Cooking [7.17]

[edit] Return of the Clairettes [7.18]

[edit] No More Mr. Nice Guy [7.19]

[edit] Home Remedies [7.20]

[edit] Nightmare on Stigwood Avenue [7.21]

[edit] There's Still No Joy in Mudville [7.22]

[edit] Cliff and Jake [7.23]

[edit] Theo and the Kids: Part 1 [7.24]

[edit] Theo and the Kids: Part 2 [7.25]

[edit] Season 8

[edit] With This Ring [8.01]

[edit] There's No Place Like Home [8.02]

[edit] Particles in Motion [8.03]

[edit] WARNING: A Double-Lit Candle Can Cause a Meltdown [8.04]

[edit] Pam Applies to College [8.05]

[edit] It's Apparent to Everyone [8.06]

[edit] The Iceman Bricketh [8.07]

[edit] Olivia's Field Trip [8.08]

[edit] For Men Only [8.09]

[edit] Olivia Comes Out of the Closet [8.10]

[edit] Two Is a Crowd [8.11]

[edit] Clair's Place [8.12]

[edit] Theo's Future [8.13]

[edit] The Price is Wrong [8.14]

[edit] Bring Me the Lip Gloss of Dierdre Arpell [8.15]

[edit] Eat, Drink and Be Wary [8.16]

[edit] The Getaway [8.17]

[edit] Cliff Gets Jilted [8.18]

[edit] Cliff and Theo Come Clean [8.19]

[edit] Clair's Reunion [8.20]

[edit] Rudy's Retreat [8.21]

[edit] You Can't Stop the Music [8.22]

[edit] Some Gifts Aren't Deductible [8.23]

[edit] And So We Commence: Part 1 [8.24a]

[edit] And So We Commence: Part 2 [8.24b]

[edit] Unsorted

Cliff: [About his mother] When I was her child, I'm telling you, this woman, all she wanted to do was take a stick and ask God to give her enough strength to knock us somewhere. And to this day I still do not know where kingdom come is. And all she is, as far as I'm concerned, is an old person trying to get into heaven now.
Claire: [Singing the blues]What am I to do? Surrounded by all these men. My sailor man is at sea. Now what was his name again?
Theo: I know I've been there.
Claire: Where? Where have you been? You have been nowhere. And that is where you're going to stay if you don't quit stirring up trouble.

[edit] Cast

[edit] External links

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