The Golden Palace

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The Golden Palace was the follow-up series to the classic television show The Golden Girls that aired on CBS from 1992 to 1993. Three of the four women from that series sold their house and bought a struggling Miami hotel named the Golden Palace.

Contents

[edit] Season 1

[edit] Pilot [1.01]

Rose: [to a burglar with a ski mask] The hat is a tip-off, but...is this your first time in Miami?
Chuy: I'm back.
Sophia: [not seeing Chuy] Dorothy?!
Sophia: Well, I'm 88, and --
Rose: 87.
Sophia: What?
Rose: You're 87, Sophia.
Sophia: ...okay. I'm 87 years old, and I used to have to wake up every morning just to live. Now I have to wake up every morning to cook 50 pounds of ravioli. I got stuff to do.

[edit] Promotional Considerations [1.02]

Rose: All we have to do is write "The Golden Palace" on something everyone sees.
Sophia: What do you say, Blanche? Up for another tattoo on your butt?
[Sophia and Chuy are playing poker]
Blanche: What's going on down here?
Chuy: Oh, Sophia got my pot.
Blanche: Well, she's a good cook, too. I'm sure she'll use it well.
Chuy: No, not that pot. The other kind.
Blanche: [shocked] All right, what in the hell is going on here?
Chuy: What? We were playing poker and she won. What did you think?
Blanche: [relieved] Oh!
Chuy: Wait a minute! Blanche, I'm shocked. Do I look like the kind of guy who would smoke marijuana?
Blanche: Roland, I am not in a good mood right now.
Roland: Have you tried singing "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah"?
Blanche: I'm telling you for the last time, no sheep, Rose.
Rose: "No sheep, Rose." "No sheep, Rose." That's all I ever hear from you.

[edit] Miles, We Hardly Knew Ye [1.03]

Sophia: They've got a choice: they can eat my lasagna or kiss my but.
Chuy: Okay, does your butt come with soup and salad?
Rose: Penny for your thoughts, Sophia?
Sophia: You're stupid, and that's on the house.
Rose: [Storms out of the kitchen and is in a bad mood because of Blanche]
Man: Excuse me. I ordered rice. These are baked potatoes!
Rose: [Picks up potatoes and throws them against the door] We need rice!

[edit] One Old Lady to Go [1.04]

Sophia: I need to make some money. Maybe I should wear a shorter skirt.
Chuy: Maybe you should just threaten to.
Roland: Oh yeah, I guess it is about time I had a little talk with (Oliver) about... well... you know.
Blanche: Sex. Well, You can say it, it's not a dirty word.
Chuy(to Roland): Yeah, go ahead and say it. [in a guttural voice] SEXXXXXXXXXXX!
Blanche: ...okay, when Chuy says it, it's a dirty word. But still, we have to face the fact that Oliver's growing up and he needs the truth.
Roland: I know. I just haven't anticipated this happening so soon. I mean, Just yesterday I saw him in his room, making little animals with Rose's Play-Doh Fun Factory. And now I gotta tell him about-
Chuy: [in same guttural voice] SEXXXXXXXXXXX!
Roland: Man, will you stop saying that? Look, I gotta have this big talk with Oliver, I just wish I knew what to tell him.
Blanche: My mother told me sex was a woman's duty. That was the word she used, "duty". And I guess I've been a proud little soldier ever since.
Chuy: Soldier!? You're a four-star general, I SALUTE YOU!

[edit] Ebbtide for the Defense [1.05]

Roland: I don't squish bugs. I shoo them.
[Sophia steps on a bug]
Sophia: There! I just shoed one too!

[edit] Can't Stand Losing You [1.06]

Roland: It's okay. I don't mind. I'm a workaholic.
Rose: [shocked] Oh, my God! He's been drinking Workahol?!
Joanne: Hello, wover [lover]. Guess who?
Roland: Please, God, tell me it's Elmer Fudd!

[edit] Seems Like Old Times [1.07]

[Dorothy is talking about how Sophia used her as a waitress when she was a child]
Dorothy: You used me!
Sophia: It was our quality time!
Dorothy: Quality time?! You referred to me as 'the help!'
Sophia: It was a nickname!
Dorothy: On Thursdays you'd lend me out to the neighbors!
Sophia: So? You learned the trade. Ingratitude. That's all I've gotten from any of my employees -- kids, my kids.
Dorothy: Ma, you look horrible! You're as white as a sheet!
Sophia: That's because I'm between heartbeats. Come back in 15 minutes, and I'll look like one of the Last of the Mohicans!
Dorothy: [referring to Sophia] Has she come down yet?
Rose: Has who come down yet?
Dorothy: Amelia Earhart, Rose!
[Dorothy is upset with Blanche because Sophia ran away]
Blanche: I can't believe you said that. If I weren't a lady, I'd deck you.
Dorothy: If you'd try, I'd have you on your back so fast, you'd think you're out on a date.
Dorothy: Blanche, do you know what your problem is? You're all talk and no action. Just like your sex life.
Blanche: What are you saying? Are you saying I'm not a tramp? Then why do you think they call me the female Ted Kennedy?
Dorothy: Because you look like him.
Ramone: You're Chuy Castillos?
Chuy: Yeah?
Ramone: You look like one of the Super Mario Bros.

[edit] Just a Gigolo [1.08]

Nick DeCarlo: You're smarter than you look.
Rose: I wish I could believe that.

[edit] Marriage on the Rocks, With a Twist [1.09]

Blanche: [about her husband George] He was a lusty man. Lusty, zesty man. Lusty, zesty cowboy who liked to ride all night!
Sophia: I thought this practical joke would make me laugh, but it hasn't. It's affected me in ways I didn't think possible.
Chuy: It made you feel ashamed, didn't it?
Sophia: No, it excited me sexually.
Chuy: Sophia!
Sophia: I'm just as shocked as you are.

[edit] Camp Town Races Aren't Nearly as Much Fun as They Used to Be [1.10]

Roland: It's not up to us to make moral judgements about the people staying in this hotel. [notices sign reading "Daughters of the Traditional South" in the lobby] "Daughters of the Traditional South?" Those bigots in bonnets aren't staying in this hotel!
Blanche: Roland, there is nothing wrong with the Daughters of the Traditional South!
Roland: Oh, I see; when they put those sheets on over their heads it must be some kind of salute to Casper the Friendly Ghost.
Rose: Ooh, when is that?

[edit] It's Beginning to Look a Lot (Less) Like Christmas [1.11]

[edit] Rose and Fern [1.12]

Rose: Don't you take your frustrations out on me, you cheap...scallop!
Blanche: The word is "trollop," you moron! I am a cheap trollop!
Rose: [about Miles] I still call him up in the middle of the night to hear the cute things he says. [imitating Miles] "Don't you know what time it is?" "This happens again, I'm calling the police!" "Who the hell is this?" [in normal voice] And then, before I hang up I always say, "You blew it big time, smart boy."
Blanche: And he doesn't he recognize your voice?
Rose: No! I talk to him through a kazoo.
Miles: Look -- Rose, sweetheart...
Rose: Don't "sweetheart" me! This was supposed to be our day! Our wedding! Our life! Well, you blew it big time, smart boy! [runs off]
Miles: [realizing] Oh my God, she's the kazoo woman!
[Chuy puts a completely burnt duck on the kitchen table]
Chuy: Ugh! Chihuahua. Sophia...what does this look like to you?
Sophia: George Hamilton in five years.

[edit] Runaways [1.13]

Oliver: I'm a little kid! I was scared! I almost peed!
Sophia: I'm over 100! I am scared! I am peeing!
Blanche: I'm going to go slip into something that will make me look my best.
Rose: May I suggest a time machine?
Policeman: Um, ma'am, do you know how slow you're going?
Sophia: Ah, bite me.
Roland: I don't know much about Blanche's personal life, but so what if she likes to date?
Rose: I used to think that until this Ernie came along. This is the hump that broke the camel's back.
Roland: I think that's "the straw that broke the camel's back."
Rose: Boy, you don't know much about Blanche's personal life, do you?

[edit] Heartbreak Hotel [1.14]

[edit] Señor Stinky Learns Absolutely Nothing About Life [1.15]

[edit] Say Goodbye, Rose [1.16]

Rose: How would you like me to iron those wrinkles out of your face, you little snitch?
Sophia: Ooh! I'd like that!

[edit] You've Lost That Livin' Feeling [1.17]

Gerald Davenport: Good evening, my name is... [notices Chuy's name tag] ...Chuy Castillos.
Rose: Oh my gosh, what a coincidence. Our cook is named Chuy Castillos.

[edit] A New Leash on Life [1.18]

[Roland has just seen his mother kiss Chuy, and he is incredibly angry]
Chuy: Hey, Rol. What's happening? Wow, that's cool, man. How do you get that big vein in your head to bulge out like that?
Rose: If Chuy should marry your mom, that would make you...
Roland: A convicted killer!

[edit] Pro and Concierge [1.19]

Rose: I don't know anything.
Blanche: Boy, there's a tattoo for your forehead.

[edit] Tad [1.20]

Blanche: [upon seeing her brother] Tad?
Tad: Blanche!
Blanche: Why, Tad, what are you doing here?
Tad: I came here to visit you! You said so much about the hotel, I wanted to see it! [runs over and hugs Blanche]
Blanche: Well, how did you get here?
Tad: A nice man drove me in a big yellow car!
Blanche: A big yellow -- oh, Tad, please tell me you didn't come all the way from Chattanooga in a --
[Tad's taxi driver appears at the door]
Taxi driver: Hey, someone here owes me $728!
Blanche: ...taxi.

[edit] One Angry Stan [1.21]

[edit] Sex, Lies and Tortillas [1.22]

[edit] The Chicken and the Egg [1.23]

Bobby Lee: Blanche, there's something I've been meaning to ask you.
Blanche: I'm 42 years old.
Bobby Lee: Yeah, you mentioned that. That means you were born in --
Blanche: Atlanta.

[edit] External links

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