The Great Race
- [covered in feathers after crashing during a stunt] I'd like to see the Great Leslie try THAT one!"
- Push the button, Max! [on numerous occasions.]
- Thieves, brigands and cut-throats of all nations may hound us... but we are ready for them... we shall blast them into Kingdom Come.
- [to Leslie, after Leslie allows him to win the race] I hate you! You, I hate! You, whose clothes are always white, and whose hair is always combed, and whose car is always clean!
- [after getting a pie in the face] Ulp? Brandy? Hah-hah, throw more brandy! Throw brandy! More Brandy! [gets a second pie in the face] Rum! I never mix my pies. I want to play, too.
The Great Leslie
- [to Maggie DuBois] You talk a good fight, but when it comes down to it, you're as emancipated as a confirmed spinster in a knitting bee.
- Lily Olay: I ain't no native, I was born here!
- Texas Jack: NOW can I have me some fightin' room?! [several times during a saloon fight]
- Baron von Stuppe As a very wise English gentleman once said, 'He who fights and runs away may live to fight another day'. So, until another day, Mr. Leslie, please excuse me, I have a boat waiting!
- Professor Fate: My apologies, there's a polar bear in our car.
- The Great Leslie: If you don't leave this car immediately, I shall personally feed you to the bear.
- Professor Fate: Genius, Max, positive genius! What's next?
- Max: Car number 5, the engine falls out!
- Professor Fate: Car number 5, hah hah hah hah! Uh Max . . . we're number 5.
- Max: Professor, Where are you?
- Professor Fate: Behind the rock!
- Max: Behind which rock? [falls over the professor]
- Professor Fate: This rock you idiot!
- The Great Leslie: [measuring the iceberg] Thirty seven inches to go.
- Professor Fate: Oh, 37 inches to go. Huzzah! At the rate we've been melting, that's good for about one more week!
- The Great Leslie: You'd better keep it to yourself.
- Professor Fate: Oh, of course I'll keep it to myself. Until the water reaches my lower lip, and then I'm gonna mention it to SOMEBODY!
- Professor Fate: Escaped?
- General Kushter: With a small friar.
- Professor Fate: Leslie escaped with a chicken?
- THE GREAT LAUGH SHOW OF ALL TIME!
- The movie with 20,000-mile or one-million-laughs guarantee!
- Jack Lemmon - Professor Fate/Crown Prince Frederick Hapnick
- Tony Curtis - Leslie 'The Great Leslie' Gallant III
- Natalie Wood - Maggie DuBois
- Peter Falk - Maximillian 'Max' Meen
- Dorothy Provine - Lilly Olay
- Larry Storch - Texas Jack
- Ross Martin - Baron Von Stuppe
- George Macready - General Kuhster