The Opening of Misty Beethoven
- Directed by Radley Metzger (as Henry Paris). Written by Jake Barns.
- I'm gonna suck your cock like the inside of a ripe mango.
- Ripe mango, take two...
- Seymour Love: What's your name?
- Misty Beethoven: Misty Beethoven.
- Seymour Love: Is that your real name?
- Misty Beethoven: No. It's not. I took it to sound more important.
- Seymour Love: What was it before?
- Misty Beethoven: Dolores Beethoven.
- Seymour Love: I should have guessed.
- Misty Beethoven: What's the biggest difference between New York and Rome?
- Seymour Love: There aren't as many Italians in Rome.
- Seymour Love: Misty, never forget the cock. As Hyman Mandel once said, "never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right."
- Misty Beethoven: Who's Hyman Mandel?
- Seymour Love: I don't know. I read that on the men's room wall at the New York Athletic Club.
- Seymour Love: Hey! Hey, where are you going? You can't leave now. Stay, you can have Caesar!
- Misty Beethoven: Why would I want Caesar? I already have Napoleon.
- Constance Money - Misty Beethoven
- Jamie Gillis - Dr. Seymour Love
- Jacqueline Beudant - Geraldine Rich
- Terri Hall - Tanya
- Ras Kean - Lawrence Lehman (as Ras King)
- Gloria Leonard - Barbara