The Pink Panther (2006 film)
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The Pink Panther is a film about the bumbling Inspector Clouseau, an entirely lost Inspector who is ridiculously moronic and practically accomplishes nothing throughout most of the movie, until around the ending areas. The cast includes Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, Emily Mortimer, and Beyoncé Knowles.
- [tries to open car door] Idiot! Pull oop!
- I'm going to do the good cop-bad cop routine.
- It is a lovely wea'zer we are 'aving. I 'ope ze weazer stays zis mild. [Attacks the curtains as if someone is hiding there, the curtains fall] Ze' area is secure.
- Good one!
- Stop browbeating her! Can't you see she is sexy?!
- Right now the killer is being surrounded by a web of deduction, forensic science and the latest in technology such as two-way radios and e-mail.
- A woman is like a... is like a... artichoke; you have to do a bit of work, before you get to her heart.
- [When Nicole asks if he should get some rest] Crime does not rest, Nicole.
- [When asked if he thinks the killer is watching, while at a press conference] If I was the killer, I would certainly be watching and perhaps also recording for future playbacks. Because, you know, it is a big deal to be talked about on TV.
- [Ending the press conference] But I have massage for the killer. Killer! I will find you! Because I am a servant of the nation, because justice is justice, and because Fwance is Fwance!
- To dunlod (download) your new cell phone ringtone, press the button that says dunlod. I take the moose (mouse) and click, but do not dwag(drag), the button that says dunlod. the downloading fails and there is a power cut in Clouseau's apartment, a nearby cafe, and eventually all of Paris]
- [To Ponton, repeated line] Good one.
- [Talking to Ponton] Without warning, I will attack you whenever and wherever it is least expected.
- [Learning English accent] I wood lake toi beh a demburger [I would like to buy a hamburger].
- [At the airport] What do you have in you pockets, sir? asks the airport security) In my pockets, I have a couple of amburtsferts [hamburgers].
- Ponton, a crime is like a jigsaw puzzle. You have to have the jig, and you have to have the saw. You have the jig, but no saw! Where is your saw?! Oh! Your Honor! I want to perform a case, but I only have a jig, is that okay?
- [Talking to Yuri] You need to work on your accent!
- [Talking to Yuri] Your accent. I find it foony.
- What, you don't think I speak Chinese? If I don't speak Chinese, what are we doing here? Oh, it must be funny to sit around the water cooler going, "Let's invite Clouseau out to lunch, and we will all speak Chinese, and he will not know what we are talking about!" Oh, is that what you'd like to do? Is that funny? Of course I speak Chinese!!
- I have been nominated seven times for the Medal of Honor. I have never won! But still-- seven nominations, [looks irritated] that's...something...
- [After meeting Clouseau] Oh, he's perfect! Yes, we have definitely found our man. [Fails to see the ink leaking from his pen, which Clouseau damaged] Why do I feel wet?
- [Discussing evidence and details of the murder] Dr. Pang is from China. The poison is from China. The Chinese are from China! It may be too early to say for certain, but I think our killer is Chinese.
- [As Clouseau is leaving the Presidential Palace, having won the Medal of Honor instead of Dreyfus] Yes, I know. Idiot. [Looks down to see his pant leg caught in the door of Clouseau's car] Oh no.
- Inspector Clouseau: [Breaks down door to apartment] You are under arrest for ze' murder of Pierre Fouquette! [Is pointing at a dog]
- Inspector Clouseau: [Breaks down door to next apartment] You are under arrest for ze' murdur of Pierre Fouquette! [Is pointing at a baby]
- Inspector Clouseau: [Breaks down door to next apartment] You are under arrest for ze' murdur of Pierre Fouquette! [Is pointing at Pierre Fouquette, who is eating a meal] Pierre Fouquette?! Ze Case is closed!
- Reporter: Do you know if the killer was a man or a woman?
- Inspector Clouseau: Well of course I know that! What else is there? A kitten?!
- Inspector Clouseau: Nicole, can I be very frank with you?
- Nicole: Yes.
- Inspector Clouseau: You have put on a TON of weight! Now what I do when I get a little heavy...[takes off thick glasses] never mind.
- Inspector Clouseau: [Footsteps coming] Footsteps. Its a young woman. 30 to 35 years old. 5"2, 5"4. Brunette. And she is wearing high heels. Perhaps a bit too formal for the afternoon. She has on...[sniffs air] Chanel number 5.[The footsteps are shown to be those of Yuri, the team trainer].
- Inspector Clouseau: Is anyone with you?
- Yuri: No.
- Inspector Clouseau: Do you have a pair of high 'eels in that bag?
- Yuri: No.
- Inspector Clouseau: Not even a small pair of pumps?
- Yuri: No?
- Inspector Clouseau: Who are you?
- Yuri: I am Yuri, the trainer.
- Inspector Clouseau: So what is it you do here, Yuri the trainer?
- Yuri: I... train.
- Inspector Clouseau: So you are Yuri the trainer who trains. humph. [turns away from Yuri, then suddenly turns and points at yuri]
- Inspector Clouseau: DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE!
- Yuri: Bu-but I have to go to Asia.
- Inspector Clouseau: Okay... DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE OR ASIA!
- Yuri: And we have one match in Brazil.
- Inspector Clouseau: Alright... DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE, ASIA, OR THE AMERICAS!
- Yuri: Okay.
(Repeated dialogue) Inspector Clouseau: Good one! Ponton: Thank you!
- Reporter: But what about the diamond?!
- Dreyfus: [steps in front of Clouseau] Thank you Clouseau, for carrying out my orders...now hand over the diamond, Yuri.
- Yuri: Why do I care about your stinking diamond?
- Inspector Clouseau: The murderer does not have the diamond!
- Dreyfus:[chuckling] The murderer does not have the diamond? So where is it Clouseau?
- Inspector Clouseau: It is there, in her purse! [points to Xania]
- Dreyfus: Let me see...
- Ponton: He was just found dead in a training facility locker room. Shot in the head.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Was it fatal?
- Ponton: Yes.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: How fatal?
- Ponton: Um, completely.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I want to speak to him now!
- Ponton:[looking confused] He's dead.
- 006: Bosworth. Nigel Bosworth. Agent 006. Do you know what that means?
- Clouseau: Yes. It means you are one short of the big-time.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to take a closer look at your bawls.
- Larocque: My what?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Your bawls. Your big, brass bawls.
- Larocque: Uh, sure.
[starts to unzip pants]
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Picks up brass bowl on table and examines it]
- Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: It is very important that you remain calm and do not turn around.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Remain calm, do not turn around.
- Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: Behind you in the casino are the Gas Mask Bandits.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Turns around and panics] Oh my God! Ze Gas Mask Bandits!
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Without you, I would be nothing!
- Dreyfus: Perhaps you still are.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Ha! Excellent verbal joust, inspector! We must do lunch sometime. Had it not been for you, who knows? Someone else might have won the Medal of Honor this year.
- Dreyfus: [Grumbling as Closeau gets in the car] Yes, I know. Idiot. [Looks down] Oh no.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
- Ponton: Nothing.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?
- Ponton: No.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Hmm.
[Chief Inspector Dreyfus seen screaming while his coat is stuck in the car door]
- Chief Inspector Dreyfus: CLOUSEAU!
- Steve Martin as Inspector Jacques Clouseau
- Jean Reno as Gendarme Gilbert Ponton
- Kevin Kline as Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus
- Emily Mortimer as Nicole Durant
- Beyoncé Knowles as Xania
- Kristin Chenoweth as Cherie
- Henry Czemy as Yuri the Trainer
- Roger Rees as Raymmond Laroque
- William Abadie as Bizu
- Scott Adkins as Jacquard
- Dexter Bell as Terry Ahkee-Sauce
- Charlotte Maier as Dialect Coach
- Jason Statham as Yves Gluant (uncredited)
- Clive Owen as Nigel Boswell/Agent 006 (uncredited)
- Paul Korda as Pierre Fuquette (uncredited)