The Princess Bride
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The Princess Bride, is a 1973 novel by William Goldman. See also quotes from The Princess Bride (film), the 1987 movie based on the book.
Contents |
[edit] Introduction
- This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it.
- "Has it got any sports in it?"
- "Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Poison. True love. Hate. Revenge. Giants. Hunters. Bad men. Good men. Beautifulest ladies. Snakes. Spiders. Beasts of all natures and descriptions. Pain. Death. Brave men. Coward men. Strongest men. Chases. Escapes. Lies. Truths. Passion. Miracles."
- People don't remember me. Really. It's not a paranoid thing; I just have this habit of slipping through memories. It doesn't bother me all that much, except I guess that's a lie; it does. For some reason, I test very high on forgettability.
- Even today, that's how I summon back my father when the need arises. Slumped and squinting and halting over words, giving me Morgenstern's masterpiece as best he could. The Princess Bride belonged to my father.
- But my father only read me the action stuff, the good parts. He never bothered with the serious side at all.
- Anyway, here's the "good parts" version. S. Morgenstern wrote it. And my father read it to me. And now I give it to you. What you do with it will be of more than passing interest to us all.
[edit] One: The Bride
- Westley "As you wish"
- Prince Humperdinck actually ran things. If there had been a Europe, he would have been the most powerful man in it. Even as it was, nobody within a thousand miles wanted to mess with him.
- Flailing and thrashing, Buttercup wept and tossed and paced and wept some more, and there have been three great cases of jealousy since David of Galilee was first afflicted with the emotion when he could no longer stand the fact that his neighbor Saul's cactus outshone his own. (Originally, jealousy pertained solely to plants, other people's cactus or ginkgoes, or later, when there was grass, grass, which is why, even to this day, we say that someone is green with jealousy.) Buttercup's case rated a close fourth on the all-time list.
- "Don't you understand anything that's going on?
Buttercup shook her head.
Westley shook his too. "You never have been the brightest, I guess."
"Do you love me, Westley? Is that it?"
He couldn't believe it. "Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches! If your love were -"
"I don't understand that first one yet," Buttercup interrupted. She was starting to get very excited now. "Let me get this straight. Are you saying my love is a grain of sand and yours is this other thing? Images confuse me so - is this universal business of yours bigger than my sand? Help me, Westley. I have the feeling we're on the verge of something just terribly important."
- "I've been saying it so long to you, you just wouldn't listen. Every time you said 'Farm Boy do this' you thought I was answering 'As you wish' but that's only because you were hearing wrong. 'I love you' was what it was, but you never heard'
- There have been five great kisses since 1642 B.C...(before then couples hooked thumbs.) And the precise rating of kisses is a terribly difficult thing, often leading to greast controversy...Well, this one left them all behind.
- So, you intend to use Bonetti's Defence against me?
[edit] Two: The Groom
- Hunting was [Humperdinck's] love.
Once he was determined, once he had focused on an object, the Prince was relentless. He never tired, never wavered, neither ate nor slept. It was death chess and he was international grand master.
- "Your father has had his annual physical," the Count said. "I have the report."
"And?"
"Your father is dying."
"Drat!" said the Prince. "That means I shall have to get married."
- Death cannot stop true love, only delay it for a while.
[edit] Three: The Courtship
- [Buttercup] "I'll never love you."
[Humperdinck] "I wouldn't want it if I had it."
"Then by all means let us marry."
[edit] Four: The Preparations
- I didn't even know this chapter existed until I began the 'good parts' version. All my father used to say at this point was, "What with one thing and another, three years passed," and then he'd explain how the day came when Buttercup was officially introduced to the world as the coming queen, and how the Great Square of Florin City was filled as never before, awaiting her introduction, and by then he was into the terrific business dealing with the kidnapping.
Would you believe that in the original Morgenstern this was the longest chapter in the book?
- But from a narrative point of view, in 105 pages nothing happens. Except this: 'What with one thing and another, three years passed.'
[edit] Five: The Announcement
[N.B.: Princess Buttercup is walking among her people for the first time.]
- But -
- in the farthest corner of the Great Square -
- in the highest building in the land -
- deep in the deepest shadow -
- the man in black stood waiting.
- Buttercup told him. "There is no one, not for many miles."
"Then there will be no one to hear you scream," the Sicilian said, and he jumped with frightening agility toward her face.
- With a smile the hunchback pushed the knife harder against Buttercup's throat. It was about to bring blood. "If you wish her dead, by all means keep moving," Vizzini said. The man in black froze.
- "The Prince and I have never from the beginning lied to each other. He knows I do not love him."
"Are not capable of love is what you mean."
"I'm very capable of love," Buttercup said.
"Hold your tongue, I think."
"I have loved more deeply than a killer like you can possibly imagine."
He slapped her.
- "I loved once," Buttercup said after a moment. "It worked out badly."
"Another rich man? Yes, and he left you for a richer woman."
"No. Poor. Poor and it killed him."
"Were you sorry? Did you feel pain? Admit that you felt nothing -"
"Do not mock my grief! I died that day."
- While he was watching the ships, Buttercup shoved him with all her strength remaining...down went the man in black..."You can die too for all I care," she said, and then she turned away.
Words followed her. Whispered from afar, weak and warm and familiar. "As...you...wish..."
- "The battle of wits has begun," said the man in black. "It ends when you decide and we drink and find out who is right and who is dead."
- "Fool!" cried the hunchback. "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but only slightly less well known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.'"
He was quite cheery until the iocane powder took effect.
[edit] Six: The Festivities
- "It comes to this," Buttercup began. "In the Fire Swamp I made the worst mistake in all the world. I love Westley. I always have. It seems I always will...I mean this now too: if you say I must marry you in fifty days I will be dead by morning."
- But Westley, as the lever moved, took his brain away, and when the Machine began, Westley was stroking her autumn-coloured hair and touching her skin of wintry cream and - and - and then his world exploded... In humiliation, and suffering, and frustration, and anger, and anguish so great it was dizzying, Westley cried like a baby.
"Interesting" said the Count, and carefully noted it down.
- "Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love, and you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords."
[edit] Seven: The Wedding
- "Get away, I'm telling you, or I call the Brute Squad."
"I'm on the Brute Squad."
"You are the brute squad."
- "WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT? WHAT'S HERE WORTH COMING BACK FOR?"
..."Tr..ooooo...luv..."
- "--true love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops. Everybody knows that."
- "My brains, your strength and his steel against a hundred troops? And you think a little head-jiggle is supposed to make me happy?"
- I'm not a witch, I'm your wife." - Valerie
[edit] Eight: Honeymoon
- "Hello," he said. "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
- "I think you're bluffing."
"It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all."
- "There are always too few perfect breasts in this world; it would be a pity to damage yours."
- "Doomed, madam?"
"To be together. Until one of us dies."
"I've done that already, and I haven't the slightest intention of ever doing it again." Westley said.
Buttercup looked at him. "Don't we sort of have to sometime?"
"Not if we promise to outlive each other, and I make that promise now."
Buttercup looked at him. "Oh my Westley, so do I."
