Wizards of Waverly Place

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Wizards of Waverly Place is a Disney Channel Original Series which made its debut in October 12, 2007. The show is about three teenagers that are actually wizards in training with Selena Gomez as Alex Russo, David Henrie as Justin Russo and Jake T. Austin as Max Russo.

Contents

[edit] Season 1

[edit] Crazy Ten Minute Sale

Justin: Edgebonoutoosis! [He clones the rabbit]
Jerry: Good! Thank you Justin! That is how you execute the duplication spell properly. Real rabbit, duplica... duplicate rabbit real rab.. It's... ANYWAYS, there's two now!
Max: What's the big deal? Their rabbits. Wait 5 minutes and they'll duplicate by themselves.
Gigi: Bonjour Alex. Bonjour Alex's friend.
Harper: Nice shoes!
[Alex gives Harper a look]
Harper: I mean.. Pfft! I don't care about you or your shoes!
Gigi: Yeah. I've had these shoes for about a week. Oh, I mean I'd give them to you, but I'm already donating them to :another charity.
Alex: No! You should keep them. They go well with your eyebrow.
Gigi: Well, at least I don't have man-hands. How do you get those meat-stubs through your sleeves?
Harper: And what happened to you two? Pick your noses to hard they fell off?
Gigi: They got nose jobs.
Gigi's Copycat Crew: When they heal, they'll look exactly like Gigi's!
Alex: Oh. When's Gigi's gonna heal?

[edit] First Kiss

Alex: You know a lot of stuff about stuff people don't care about, which is great. But I know relationships. I know how girls think!
Justin: So do I! They're right brained dominant and they have a slightly larger hyper-tholimus!
Alex: There you go again, knowing stuff people don't care about.
Justin: You may find this hard to believe, but...I've never kissed a girl before.
Alex: [smugly] I find it hard to believe that you think I'd find that hard to believe.
Alex: I just proved that not only do I know girls, but I also know boys.
Justin: No, you got Matt to ask out my girlfriend!
Alex: Oh.
Justin: So Alex, what was your first kiss like?
Alex: You know, it was in this place...with this guy...and it was very romantic. Over Christmas Vacation.
Max: We went to Grandma's over Christmas Vacation.
Justin: Wait a minute! You haven't kissed a guy yet! [smugly] I so have this over you now!
Alex: Hey Justin!

[Justin looks over at Alex. Alex grabs a random boy and kisses him.]

Alex: Now you've got nothing over me!

[edit] I Almost Drowned in a Chocolate Fountain

Justin: I'm gonna get even!
Alex: Hah-yeah. Okay. That'll never happen. Remember the time you wanted to get "even with me"? I got the bigger bedroom and you got what?
Justin: [he says embarrased] Shot-gun on that one trip to the outlet mall..
Alex: Exactly, some things never change!
Alex: Oh! Some chocolate! Oh wait, that's not a straw!
Max: We didn't play paintball!

[Theresa opens the curtains and the windows are covered with bright colored splotches]

Justin: ...What are pigeons eating now a'days?

[edit] New Employee

Gurt Barn Lady: [takes picture of Harper] [monotone voice] I know you've only been working here four hours, but congratulations. You're Employee of the Month. I almost won it 4 times, but I lost cause I take too many breaks. That reminds me. It's time for my break.

---

Alex and Harper: [Singing the Funky Hat Song] What's that? A hat? Crazy, funky, junky hat! Overslept? Hair unsightly? Trying to look like Keira Knightley? We've been there, we've done that! We see right through your funky hat!

---

Frankie: AAAHH! He's after me!!!

[edit] Disenchanted Evening

Justin: You don't know our dad. He'll throw a tantrum. And you'll know because it sounds like this. Wadigibadee hobadee ha! HA! ALEX!"
Jerry: Ooh! A catwalk! [Walks on it like a model]
Max: Not to mention she left me on Mars.
T.J.: I'll show you a lair!
Max: [To Alex] Wow, you weren't kidding He really does do that.
Alex: That's not magic.
Justin: How do you know I didn't forget my locker combination and then used magic to remember it?
Alex: Because you made up a locker combination song.
Alex (with Justin joining in): Right to clear it come on let's hear it! 23, left 8 digits, but don't fidget, 31. Now for the last, don't go too fast! 6 and you're off to class! WHOO!

.:Justin: Mom and Dad are charmed? WHAT?! HOW?! WHEN?! WHO?!

Alex: Mom and Dad.
Justin: WHAT?! HOW?! WHEN?!
Alex: At Dinner.
Justin: WHAT?! HOW?!
Alex: It was in the Kugle
Justin: WHAT?!
Alex: Justin, I think you know what!

[edit] You Can't Always Get What You Carpet


Alex: Dad got all tensed and frustrated like how he acts when he's around you and your dolls.
Justin: [is scrubbing the teeth on his pig] Action-figures. Collectibles. In their original packaging.

[edit] Alex's Choice

[edit] Curb Your Dragon

Justin: C'mon guys, hurry! We've got to go check on Dragon!
Max: Why? If anyone messes with him, he'll just breathe fire.
Alex: (Annoyed) That's what we're worried about.
Max: What? I thought we just didn't want him to take leaks in the house.
Justin: C'mon, Dragon, let's go up to my room.
Jerry: Wait, Justin.
Alex: What's going on?
Jerry: Those flyers you put up worked. Dragon's rightful owner came and picked him up.
Alex: His owner?
Theresa: I'm sorry, honey.

--


Frankie: You lost your found dog? Why don't you rest your head on Frankie's shoulder and tell him ALL about it? Alex:
I would, but I don't have time for you to get a ladder.

--
Frankie: The guy came out with the dog and bought this. A programme for the Hudson Dog Show.
Alex: The Hudson Dog Show? When is it?
Frankie: Why dontcha buy a copy and find out?
Alex: I have to buy it?
Frankie: Would I come into your restaurant, lick a sandwich and leave? ZINGER! That'll be $8.00 please.
Alex: Ugh, okay.... -she read the programme- IT'S TODAY! I'd like to return this for a refund. -she takes money back- ZINGERR!

[edit] Movies

Teresa: Oh Maxy, promise you'll never grow up and leave me! Max: But I'm supposed to be taking out the trash. Teresa: Oh, no. Your daddy will take out the trash. [Jerry gives her the WHAT look, and she gives him the DO IT look] Max: Thank you, daddy. Jerry: Save it.

Jerry: Alex, lets give it a try. Now, lets say you havent eaten for days and You're in desperate need for a sandwich. What do you do?
Alex: I walk over to the sandwich shop and have Mom make me a sandwich.
Jerry: Okay, yes, but Mom's not here.
Justin: Wheres Mom?
Jerry: It's not important where she is, umm, she's gone, she left the country.
Justin: She left the country? Why, is she ok?
Jerry: Yes, she's fine.
Alex: Well if she's fine, I don't see why she can't make me a sandwich.


Jerry: Max, try this.
Max: Satisfy my empty belly, make me a peanut butter and jelly. [Max turns into a PBJ sandwich]
Alex: Cool, let me try. Although I love tasty snacks, I'd rather have my brother Max. [Max turns back into a human]
Max: [To Justin] Hey, thanks for not eating me.
Jerry: Thank you Alex, you're a natural.
Alex: Thanks, that wasn't even true!

[edit] Potion Commotion

Jerry: Ok Max, now that your full powers are here. its time for the hat.
Alex: Oh not the hat!
Max: What hat?
Alex: Dad that hats so ugly!
Max: What hat?!?!
Theresa: I cant believe my mihito is ready for the hat!
Max: Somebody tell me about the hat already!

[edit] Justin's Little Sister

Justin: Oh, so its like giving a burgler your money so it doen't steal it!
Max: I know a Jeannie Kowalski. Jeannie's do not like it when you flick them in the ear. Thats lesson number one.
Jerry: No, lesson number one is leave that girl alone. Shes bigger than you.

[edit] Wizard School, Part 1

Alex: (sees Justin in wizard's clothing) You know, you remind me of someone…Terry something? Umm…Barry something? Larry something? Oh, never mind.
Jerry: Would it hurt to get us a little turkey jerky?!?
Jerry: (Alex admits she used the portal key, stammering) Aah! The...portal...g...g...GAH!!!
Theresa: Okay, and on the way we can pick up your new wizard's robes!
Justin: Oh, no, Mom. They do just black bathrobes now. Wizard's robes are too formal for these casual times.
Door: (singsonging) Dun-dun-dun...

[edit] Wizard School, Part 2

Justin: I'll see you in the finals, jerk.
Hugh Normous: (during 12 ball semi-finals) He did it! He hit the tattler!
Jerko Phoenix: Looks like it's just you, me and destiny.
Jerry: Oh, I love porcini mushrooms.
Salad Girl: That's what the hot dog guy in Washington Square Park said.
Max: Get your Bronxstrami. Central Park sandwich. Right here at the Sub station!
Jerry: Hey, it's working.
Salad Girl: Salads make you perky. Sandwiches make you sleepy.
Max: Salads are un-American!!

[edit] The Supernatural

Alex: Oh come on she isn't that cute!
Justin: Yes she is!
Alex: No she isn't!
Justin: Uh Huh!

[edit] Alex in the Middle

[edit] Report Card

[edit] Credit Check

Alex: I quit. [Grabs Harper's arm] And we're going to the kitchen...[Everyone gasps] to eat... [More gasps] And we don't care WHO watches!

[edit] Alex's Spring Fling

Justin: [Talking on the phone] Mom, Dad, Can I be in charge? What if there was a tidal wave, THEN can I be in charge? YES!! [Hangs up phone and blows a whistle] Okay, I'm in charge.
Alex: [Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, a tidal wave, now you're in charge!
Justin: Alex, you just ruined my new clothes.
Alex: Justin, when you wear something for a week, it's not new anymore. It just needs a wash.
Max: [Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, I just washed it. You're welcome!

[edit] Quinceañera

Grandma: I talked to your Mom. She thinks your dad could drop five pounds too.
Richard in Justin's body: What am I doing here?
Candace in Max's body: I dunno. But like all the trouble spots I've been into all my life. I'm gonna dance my way out.

[edit] Art Museum Piece

Theresa: (holding nose) I hate living with wizards.

[edit] Season 2

[edit] Smarty Pants

Justin: C'mon Alex, you got a D in lunch.
Theresa: (walks into the Wizard Lair) Ooh, yay, I'm the Wizard Lair. Or as I like to call, The Garage Sale That Never Happened...
Justin: (holds up the Speed Shirt) This is a Speed Shirt, it gives you supersonic speed.
Max: Ah, does it grow your hair really long?
Justin: Speed...shirt...
(Max, confused)

[edit] Beware Wolf

Alex: Don't forget your collars, its flea season. [laughs] Man, I am on fire!
Isebella: (Chews Alex's sweater) Now that was fun!
Alex: Really? Becuase my word was weird
Jerry: Justin, get in the kitchen right now!
Justin: OK, Come on Isabella we're going in the kitchen...
Theresa: No No, Isabella has to stay here because, of, the, the thing
Justin:What thing?
Jerry: Justin, you come in the kitchen, Isebella, you stay there

[edit] Graphic Novel

Justin: If one person in the family hates someone then the others have to hate them, too.
Max: So, that means if I hate pumpkin pie, you hate pumpkin pie, too?
Justin: You know I love pumpkin pie!

[edit] Racing

Dean-Hey Salad,Just like my mama make it.

[edit] Maximan

Max: No, wait, well..yes. But I'm MAXIMAN!
Alex: I mean you stop here so often I belive they call it "Dean's Corner"

[edit] Saving Wiz-Tech

[edit] Harper Knows

Jerry: Oh , Okay .. Well then D Battery Guy Does. [Wears a purse]
Jerry: "Popcon's in town!
Justin: "Popcon's in town!!"
Theresa: "Popcon's in town!?"
Max: "Popcorn's in town!!? That doesn't make any sense...why am I so excited?"

[edit] Taxi Dance

Alex: We can call it...a parade balloon! [Loudly] Hey everyone! I'm just looking at that realistic looking parade balloon!
Harper: Then why did you yell at that guy playing in front of that restraunt?
Alex: Oh wah wah wah, singing about your girl? You're playing in front of a restraunt, no wonder she's gone.
Alex: [to her family] Did you know they're making parade balloons more realistic looking? Just keep that in mind...just in case that comes up...
[Taxi crashes through kitchen window]
Alex: [unconvincingly] Oh my goodness! A realistic parade balloon broke free!

[edit] Baby Cupid

[edit] Make It Happen

[edit] Fairy Tale

[edit] Fashion Week

[edit] Helping Hand

Max: Hey I've got something that will put our name on the wizard map!
(Justin and Jerry look interested.)
Max: Okay, how about a spell to make clear plastic that's sticky on one side and it helps wizards put drawings on the refrigerator? I'll call it, Russo's Sticky Strips.
Justin: You know, that sounds vaguely similar to something that we have right here (picks up tape), called tape.
(Max observes the tape)
Max: Oh man! This is even better than mine! It has a convenient clear holder and a serrated edge for clean cuts!

[edit] Art Teacher

Alex: As teacher's deputy... [walks over to TJ] TJ, why don't you take out your sketch pad and draw yourself a detention slip?
TJ: I'll show you a detention slip!
Alex: Good, that's exactly what I wanted to hear.
TJ: Well that backfired.

[edit] Future Harper

[edit] Alex Does Good

Mr. Laritate: (after Alex gives a speech on what she realized about the structure of the Helpers Club) That was a wonderful speech... (gets excited) Worthy of a ribbon!
(Happy Helpers cheer)
Alex: (frustrated) No! I dont want a ribbon!
Mr. Laritate: It's either that or suspension.
Alex: (takes the ribbon) Oh, its a lovely ribbon.

[edit] Hugh's Not Normous

Max: At least give me a spell to fix this!
Alex: [calls] You're on your own, jerkface!
Max: Thank you! [takes out wand, and tries to cast spell] 'You're on your own, jerkface!'

[edit] Don't Rain on Justin's Parade-Earth

[edit] Family Game Night

Justin: Who wrote down one syllable?
Max: I did.
Jerry: You were supposed to write titles.
Justin: That is infuriating isn't it. Doesn't it make you want to... throw a table.
Jerry: I'm sure there's a book titled "One Syllable" somewhere out there.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Jerry: No Alex you stay Your not Disqualified I got that Fair and Square YOUR MOTHER IS STACKING THE TEAMS AGAINST US!!
Justin: That's what I'm talking about!
Theresa: What? You heard her she cheated.
Justin: And I'm Livid. You know what they should both be disqualified out of here.
Jerry: Oh This is totally bogus!
Max: Dad's pouting cause he lost a fight again,
Theresa: No! We are not fighting that's one thing we are not doing we're not fighting so stop fighting!
Woman: That's it I'm calling the cops.
(Jerry moves his arms like he's karate chopping)
Max: Karate Kid!
Jerry: We are not fighting! We're trying to make a good impression!

[edit] Justin's New Girlfriend

Alex: [To Justin] You want to hear a billion year old guy talk about falling? Just go hang out with Grandpa.

[edit] My Tutor, Tutor

Alex: [to Tutor] I like you...don't wreck it.

[edit] Paint by Committee

[edit] Wizard For a Day

[Justin walks in to Wizard's Lair]
Justin: What are you doing?
Alex: You'll be interested to know that I've found the perfect present for dad.
Justin: (gasps)(whispers to skull staff) She's going to turn her lips into a zipper!
Alex: Oh! That's a good shot! How long have you been working on that one?
Justin: Since the day that mom came home and said "Look! There's your little sister, Justin!"
[huge alien spaceship lands in Waverly Place]
Zeke: Can you guys believe it! Aliens have landed in Waverly Place!
Max: Yeah well who's gonna tell them they can't park there? There gonna get towed...
[Aliens aiming guns at the family]
Theresa: Jerry! Help us!
[Jerry gasps. Looks back and forth between family and milkshake machine.]
Jerry: Ahh!
[Runs to protect milkshake machine]
Jerry: Not the milkshake machine! PLEASE!!!!
Theresa: [To Family] I knew it!
Lead Alien: What happened? Where did the milkshake machine go?
Alex: Justin, you did it!
[Justin walks into the room holding one of the alien's guns]
Justin: Luckily one of those aliens dropped this thing and I was able to quickly figure out how to operate their advanced technology. It's a switch!
Lead Alien: Hand over the Milkshake Machine

(Jerry holds Max in front of him)

Jerry: Here's the Milkshake Machine
Theresa: JERRY!!!
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