Young Dracula

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Young Dracula is a Show done by the BBC. it follows Vladimir Dracula, the Son of Count Dracula and Magda Westernra, although he doesn't wish to be a vampire and to lead a normal life.

Season 1[edit]

When You're a Stranger [1.01][edit]

Vlad: All my life, I've wanted to fit in. To be ordinary. So I thought moving to a new town would be my chance. A chance to be normal. But I was forgetting one little thing: I'm a vampire.

Ingrid: I hate you more than garlic!

(When Ingrid finds out Robin has discovered the family are vampires.)

Ingrid: Listen to me, meat-face! Swear by all that is morbidly evil not to tell anyone about us on pain of a long and gruesome death!

Robin: You're very pretty.

Ingrid: Yes, I am. Now swear!

Robin: I swear.

Ingrid: Good, now let's get you out of here before my father decides to have you for dinner and us for dessert.

Vlad: Can we have something normal like a hamburger?

Count Dracula: A person from Hamburg?

Vlad: No!

Vlad: I hate being a vampire! It really sucks.

Zoltan: Isn't that rather the point?

Robin: My neighbour's a vampire! Excellent!

First Day of School [1.02][edit]

Vlad: So this is school.

Robin: Yeah. It's a bit like a prison, only sometimes people escape from prison.

Vlad: So you promise you won't tell anyone... else that I'm a vampire?

Robin and Chloe: Cross my heart and hope to die.

Count Dracula: Which is sooner than you think!

Van Helsing: I know what your father does; feeding on the innocent, bleeding them dry!

Robin: He's a plumber, yeah. If that's what you mean.

(When Van Helsing confiscated Vlad's brooch.)

Robin: Can't you just tell your Dad you lost it?

Vlad: Oh, yeah. If I want him to kill me!

Robin: Well, that's alright. You're dead already!

Mummy Returns [1.03][edit]

Magda: Hello Darlings!

Chloe: Magda is in league with Mr. Van Helsing! She's gonna marry the Count and then bump him off!

Robin: (Excited) Wow! That's really evil!... And wrong, of course.

Slaytime Tv [1.04][edit]

Renfield: Are we all ready to spin the wheel of DNA?

Chloe: If this is science, I'm a banana.

Renfield: Shut it before I peel you, clever clogs! This is Transylvanian science; much more accurate than boring British science.

Count Dracula: And it's entertaining.

Vlad: Dad, you promised to be careful. Do I need to spell it out for you? M-O-B.

Count Dracula: I am Count Dracula, not spell Dracula.

Ingrid: M-O-B spells angry peasant mob howling for your dust.

Count Dracula: I know that, but I'm bored.

Van Helsing: Now, what do you say if she invites you up to see her coffin?

Jonathan: "I'm not that sort of boy"?

Home Education [1.05][edit]

(When Vlad gets suspended from school.)

Zoltan: I have composed a poem to celebrate your great acheivement:

"There once was a vampire called Vlad, who was terribly naughty and bad. He got suspended from school and learnt to be cruel, so now he can fang-out with his Dad."

(When the Count home schools Vlad after Vlad and Robin get suspended from school when they get blamed for Ingrid's vandalism.)

Elizabeth Branagh: Please, will you teach Robin? He can't afford to fall behind in his schoolwork he's doing badly enough as it is.

Robin: Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mum.

(When the Count is teaching Vlad hypnotism.)

Count Dracula: Now, remember Vlad. The key to hypnotising your victim is to look deep... into their eyes.

Robin: Feeling a little uncomfortable with the word 'victim'.

(When Ingrid is about to hypnostise the Count back to himself again.)

Count: Hey, Princess. How's it hanging?

Ingrid: Dad, I want you to look into my eyes, deep into my eyes.

[The Count looks at Ingrid and her eyes change yellow.]

Count: You know Ingrid, you are growing up to be a lovely young lady.

Ingrid: (taken back and her eyes change back to normal) Really?

Count: I've been reading your school report, and I just know you can do a whole lot better. I am here for you. We can sit down and work this thing out.

Ingrid: (disbelievingly) You want to spend time with me?

Count: As long as it takes.

Ingrid: But you never want to spend time with me.

Count: That's all going to change. Come here, I love you, Ingrid.

[Pulls her into a hug.]

Ingrid: (almost tearfully) I love you too, Dad.

[She clearly appreciates this, but then she pulls away from him, looking sad.]

Count: Hey, what is it, sugar-plum?

Ingrid: This wrong... all wrong.

(When everyone agrees to un-hypnotise the Count back into a vampire and the Branagh parents back into Breathers.)

Chloe: Will Mum and Dad still be after my blood?

Ingrid: Unfortunately not. They won't remember a thing. Lucky them!

Toothache [1.06][edit]

(When Ingrid is disguising Robin as her boyfriend.)

Ingrid: If I can't prove I've got a boyfriend Dad's gonna send me off to Transiberia!

Chloe: (Smirking) Oh, dear! Send us a postcard when you get there!

(When Vlad is worrying his fangs are coming through and Chloe tries to reassure him.)

Chloe: You're not going to bite me.

Robin: I hope not. I wouldn't wanna miss that!

Robin: Morning, gorgeous!

(Chloe wakes up screaming the next morning after Vlad's sleep over as she has found fang neck wounds.)

Chloe: What've you done to me?!

Zoltan: Congratulations, master Vlad! Your first bite.

Vlad: NO! What am I gonna do?!

Chloe: Excuse me! I'm the victim here! What happens to me now?!

Zoltan: Welcome to the family, mistress Chloe!

(Jonathan yells in class when he sits next to Robin who's wearing face paint and fake fangs.)

Robin: Chill out, dude. It's just make up.

Jonathan: (awkwardly) Yeah, I knew that. I was just humouring you.

Robin: I love it when you growl like that!

Parent's Night [1.07][edit]

Elizabeth: Now Robin, it doesn't matter what your teachers say tonight as long as you've gotten over this morbid obssession with vampires.

Robin: Yes, Mum.

Graham: And if not we've decided to send you to Happy Camp.

Robin: Happy Camp?!

Graham: It's where troubled children go and learn how to be happy.

Elizabeth: Through happy music and happy dance.

Robin: Oh, just kill me now!

(When the Count and the Great Chandu are having a re-match after their last chess game.)

Vlad: (After searching Chandu's pocket) Spare pieces! No wonder you couldn't beat him!

Count Dracula: Of all the scheming, conniving... actually why didn't I think of that?

13th Birthday [1.08][edit]

Crone: (To Robin) Do you prefer French blood or Italian?

[Robin thinks anxiously.]

Atilla: Tick, tock! Tick, tock!

Ingrid: (Raising her hand) Oh, I know! I know!

Crone: Let him answer!

Robin: Neither, they both taste of garlic.

Crone: I approve.

(After Vlad describes his Grandparents' strictness in upholding vampire tradition.)

Vlad: If they knew what my life was like here...

Robin: They'd kill you?

Vlad: Well... no. They'd send me back to Transylvania. To a vampire boarding school. No friends, no family, no daylight ever again. I'd spend the rest of eternity lurking around in the shadows. Can you imagine anything worse?

Robin: (Awed) Wicked!

(When Chloe gives Vlad a sunlamp for his birthday.)

Chloe: You said you wanted to get rid of that ghostly complextion.

Robin: That's not all he'll get rid of if the Count gets his hands on it. (Impersonates the Count) ARRGGHH! I'm melting! I'm melting!

Living with the Branaghs [1.09][edit]

(When the Count plans to marry Mrs Branagh.)

Robin: (to Ingrid and Chloe) I've just realised something, if we can't stop this wedding, you two will be step sisters.

(Ingrid looks horrified.)

Chloe: Eurgh! I'd rather be undead!

Count Dracula: (to Vlad and Ingrid) As you would say, my dear children. Talk to the cape coz the face ain't listening!

(The Count twists Renfield's ear when he regrets putting cockroaches on the Count's dinner after they escaped.)

Renfield: Please, Master. If you twist any harder my ear's gonna come off!

Ingrid: He's right. Go on, just one more turn!

Robin: Yes! Just three more hours and two whole days of no school!

Vlad: I kinda miss it.

(Robin gives him an exasperated look.)

Robin: And people think I'm weird.

Rugby [1.10][edit]

Vlad: I'm on the team, Robin!

Robin: (sarcastically) Oh, I'm so jealous!

(When Vlad makes the rugby team.)

Count: My noble son has finally brought glory to the family name.

Ingrid: Except he didn't use deceit... or break a single rule...

Vlad: Ingrid!

Ingrid: Or cheat!

Count: (shocked) Vladimir, is this true?

Robin: I just had a terrible nightmare! I was playing rugby!

Robin: Come on, Vlad! Rip his legs off!

(While watching Vlad during the rugby tryouts.)

Robin: That's it, Vlad! Tackle him! Tackle him! Yeees! Oh, ok, no! Well, get up then! What's wrong with you?! It's only a knee you've got another one!

(Chloe gives him a look.)

Robin: What?

Chloe: Robin, I'm so proud of you. Who'd have thought it? Gloom-cookey Robin is a real Branagh after all.

Father's Day [1.11][edit]

Vlad: So Father's Day is basically a way of conning your Dad?

Robin: Your point is?

Vlad: Got any spare cards?

Count Dracula: In your face, peasant!

Vlad: Fighting doesn't prove anything!

Count Dracula: Of course it does, it proves who's best at fighting!

Count Dracula: As a caring father, I wish you luck with your twisted habit of sleeping at night. How was that?

Vlad: Hmmm, not good to be honest.

(When Chloe tried to encourage Renfield to fight for his rights.)

Renfield: I demand... (thinks) rec-ognition!

Count Dracula: Well, of course I recognise you! You're that disgusting, smelly imbecile Renfield!

Renfield: Oh, thank you, Master!

Halloscream [1.12][edit]

Elizabeth: I'm not happy about leaving you on your own tonight. You know how you get at Halloween.

Robin: I'm going to Vlad's, anyway you can trust me.

Graham: That's what you said last year. We stil haven't finished re-plastering.

Robin: That wasn't my fault; pumpkins aren't suppossed to explode.

Graham: And the year before?

Robin: Like the doctor said, that broomstick was an accident waiting to happen.

Robin: Zoltan, I need your advice. I've got this problem.

Zoltan: Bathe it in warm water and keep it bandaged over night. That works for me.

Robin: Err... no. I mean, should you do what's best for yourself or what's best for your friends?

Zoltan: Ah, most people would say you should put the wellbeing of others before your own. Look at me, I have never been selfish. And now... I'm stuffed, ignored, mounted on wheels.

Robin: Come out, come out, wherever you are... I know you're in here.

Vlad: Halloween affects Dad like a lit match in a fireworks factory.

Zoltan: Even a sausage through the heart wouldn't subdue him.

Chloe: You mean a stake.

Zoltan: Oh, yes. You see the Count has banned me from using that word. That word and "bun fight".

(Vlad, Robin and Chloe ponder this for a moment.)

Chloe: Sun light.

Zoltan: Mmm-hmm. "Bun fight" and "sausage".

Robin: I thought you said golf balls made him scream?

Zoltan: Ah, yes. But what I actually meant was G-A-R-L-I-C.

Robin: Garlic. (Realising) The Count's forbidden you from saying that.

Zoltan: Mmm-hmm. "Sausages", "bun fight" and "golf balls".

The Blood Test [1.13][edit]

Zoltan: Ok, first question. If Boris can turn into a wolf in 3 seconds and Inga can turn into a bat in 5 seconds, how long would it take Boris and Inga to storm a peasant dwelling and drink the blood of everyone in sight?

Robin: Let's put an end to all this madness! Ha, ha, ha!

Ingrid: Eeww! What is that smell?

Renfield: Bat phlegm with rosemary.

Ingrid: Eurgh... I hate rosemary!

(When Ian and Paul put a notice on the school board for the football team tryouts.)

Paul: Last year we we're this close to letting the caretaker's dog on the team.

Ian: He's good!

Countdown [1.14][edit]

Count: What a night I've had! Stop what you're doing and prepare to be amazed!

(He reaches into his cape and pulls out a rabbit.)

Vlad: What... you got a job as a magician?

Renfield: Oh, if you need an attractive assistant I look absolutely stunning in sequins.

Count: No, you idiots! I've been out hunting!

(When Van Helsing is caught disguised as a woman at the Hunt Ball.)

Van Helsing: We'll meet again, soon.

Count Dracula: Can't wait. By the way, love the dress!

(When the Branaghs get sent a letter inviting them to the Hunt Ball.)

Elizabeth: That's strange, under dress code it just says running shoes.

(When it is believed that the Count has been slain.)

Ingrid: He's dead?! But he never said anything to me! That's so typical!

Season 2[edit]

Kidnipped [2.01][edit]

Count Dracula: Slayers will always be our enemy. We shall bite them on the beaches, we shall bite them in the fields and in the streets! We shall bite them in the hills, we shall never surrender!

(When Robin goes to Van Helsing's trailer to find Vlad and Ingrid tied together as Van Helsing's hostages.)

Robin: What're you doing?

Ingrid: Having a sing along, what does it look like?!

Van Helsing: (angrily) You're saying coz you live in a castle you're better than me?

Ingrid: No. I'm better than you because I'm a vampire.

The Yanks are Coming [2.02][edit]

Ivan: You're what, just over seven hundred?

Count Dracula: SIX! Six hundred!

Ivan: Whatever, you look closer to a thousand.

Ingrid: Go and make MY bed before I dump you in the slime pit.

Mirror Mirror [2.03][edit]

Ivan: (to Boris) Get out here, boy! Show me your fangs. Hmmm, a bit underdeveloped, not to worry. We'll start small, just a few cute bunnies.

Boris: You mean kill them?!

Count Dracula: No, take them syncronised swimming, of course kill them!

Zoltan: The surest and most effective cure for vampirism is...

Boris: Yes? Yes?!

Zoltan: A stake through the heart.

Boris: Maybe not.

Vlad: (Impersonating Van Helsing) I'm Van Helsing, I'm bald and I stink of garlic!

Vlad: (to Boris) Don't you understand? If we kill our Dads we're more evil than any vampire.

Ingrid: Good point.

(The Count and Ivan enter the room.)

Count Dracula: Vlad, Boris, Olga... the other one, what's going on?

Ingrid: Hello, Daddy. And goodbye!

Vlad: No, NO!

(She smashes the mirror.)

Olga: AAARGGHH! You've turned me into a Breather!

Ingrid: And I've killed your Dad.

Olga: Yeah, whatever.

Count Dracula: Slain by my own daughter! You're so grounded!

Bad Reflection [2.04][edit]

Chloe: Dad, can you help me with my homework?

Mr. Branagh: Course, sweetheart. Now then, what's it to be? Spelling or colouring in?

Chloe: I've got to perform a psychological evalutation of a subject using psychodynamic and cognitive methods.

(While doing a crossword.)

Count: "Numb to sensation", four letters.

Ivan: "Dead".

(While waiting for Boris to come out of the Blood Mirror room.)

Olga: Daddy, how much longer is this going to take?

Ivan: Depends on how much of a fight he puts up.

Vlad: Fight? No one said anything about a fight.

Count: Well, if he's strong it could take all day. But if he's a pathetic, spineless little whimp then...

(The door suddenly opens.)

Ingrid: Well, that answers that!

Boris: I'm not evil. I'm not evil. (Laughs) Wanna bet?

(When Boris has drained power from Ivan and the Count.)

Ivan: I can't believe my own son could be so wicked and deceitful.

Count Dracula: Yes, yes, when you've quite finished gloating maybe you could use your super sensitive vampire hearing to find the little snake!

Ivan: What?

Ingrid: I wouldn't let Dad catch you sitting there.

Boris: Really? Why's that?

Zoltan: She's right, Master Boris. Only the Count is permitted to sit on the throne.

Boris: Thanks for the warning, but I don't take advise from stuffed dogs.

Ingrid: He's a wolf!

Boris: I wasn't talking to him.

Zoltan: Ouch!

Count Dracula: Where's that imp?! It's time he was taught a lesson!

Ivan: Ten to seven.

Boris: (to Vlad) Just wanna let you know, when it's your turn you'll become just as evil as I am. Just you wait, you can't escape your destiny (laughs). I'll be back! No one can stop me! No one! (Laughs hysterically).

Ingrid: He's lost it. Big time.

Dad's Back [2.05][edit]

(When trying to bring back Renfield's dad in Renfield's labratory.)

Robin: This is so what I wanna do when I leave school!

(He laughs manically until Vlad gives him an exasperated look.)

Zoltan: Don't do this, Master Vlad. Renfield Senior was mad, bad and dangerous to know. And when he sees me, he's going to want revenge!

Robin: Maybe you should nip to the card shop, see what they've got in the Sorry I Accidently Savaged You To Death section.

Ingrid: That's my diary!

Vlad: (to the Count) I'd hate to be the one to show you this, Dad.

Count: (Reading from Ingrid's diary) "My old Dad's a vampire, he wears a vampire cloak... but no one's really scared of him they think he's just a joke..." Ingrid!

Ingrid: But I didn't write that.

Count: (Reading again) "He's getting old and past it and it's very plain to see... his hair is going grey, his fangs are false and his cardigan smells of wee!" I do not wear cardigans!

Ingrid: (to Vlad) And that's not my handwriting!

Count: That is no excuse!

(When Renfield is making dinner at the Branaghs' house.)

Paul: Eurgh! What is it?

Renfield: Road-Kill Stew.

Mrs. Branagh: Oh... how continental.

Robin: Something just moved in there!

(When Zoltan asks Van Helsing for help from Renfield Senior.)

Zoltan: He's going to throw me on the fire if you don't.

Van Helsing: (Shocked) What sort of abomination...

Zoltan: There's no need to be personal! I haven't said anything about your smelly breath.

Van Helsing: I'll free you on one condition... you lead me to the Count.

Zoltan: NEVER! Nothing you can do or say will make me betray my master!

Van Helsing: Fine, I'll leave you to the old man then.

Zoltan: (hastily) It's at the door, turn right, I'll show you the rest of the way!

(When Renfield is trying to stop his father from hurting the Count.)

Renfield Senior: Clear off, Mummy's boy!

Renfield: (angrily) You keep Mum out of this! She was twice the man you are!

(When Renfield made an antidote to return Ingrid's voice.)

Count: (furiously) You gave her the antidote?!

Ingrid: (To Robin and Vlad) That's right, boys! I'm back!

Vlad: Run!

Baby Dracula [2.06][edit]

Ingrid: (To Vlad) What's going on? Sounds like you're in pain... can I watch?

Count: I have some midnight hunting to do!

Ingrid: Off to nibble some sheep again, are we Daddy?

Count: SHEEP?! How dare you! I am the Prince of Darkness! I...

Vlad: Well, just make sure the farmer doesn't catch you this time.

Vlad: Mum's pregnant?! How did this happen?!

Ingrid: Well, when a Mummy and Daddy love each other they make a special wish for a baby!

(After the baby is born.)

Count: Ladies and gentlemen, let me present my new son... Vladimir.

Vlad: Vladimir?! But... that's my name!

Count: Curses, what was the other one?

Magda: Barry.

Count: Barry...

Vlad: What? You're gonna call him Barry?

Count: No, that would be stupid... we'll call you Barry.

(When the Count annoints Vlad as his official heir to the throne.)

Count: Arise, my son and heir! Barry Dracula.

(Vlad stands up, looking outraged, but the Count smiles.)

Vlad: Oh, very funny!

Insomnia [2.07][edit]

Vlad: Ingrid, do you ever have weird dreams?

Ingrid: Only a recurring one where annoying geek of a brother keeps asking me stupid questions.

Ingrid: You don't get to go to the dream world until you're sixteen.

Vlad: What dream world?

Ingrid: The place vampires go when they sleep, bat brain! If you're slain there you die for real.

(Vlad faints.)

Robin: That's not good news.

Vlad: What if there's an evil vampire in my blood after all?

Robin: (amused) Vlad, you still sleep with a teddy bear, dream on!

(When Mina and the Count are taking Vlad to hospital.)

Jonathan: (to Ingrid) If your dad lays a finger on my Mum...

Ingrid: It's his fangs I'd be worried about!

(When Vlad wakes up in hospital.)

Doctor: There's nothing wrong with him.

Ingrid: You wouldn't say that if you had to live with him.

Love Bites [2.08][edit]

(While on the phone to the vampire help-line after Ingrid fails to hypnotise a boy.)

Operator: Has this ever happened before?

Ingrid: No.

Operator: Are you feeling stressed?

Ingrid: No!

Operator: Is the Breather in question attractive?

Ingrid: Well, sort of. But I don't see how that's relevant.

Operator: I'm sorry, I did not understand your answer. Is the Breather in question attractive?

Ingrid: (reluctantly) Yes.

Operator: Does lighting flicker in their presence?

Ingrid: (reluctantly) Yes.

Operator: Duh! You're in love with a Breather.


Body Swap [2.09][edit]

(When Ingrid accidently sets fire to the Count's new throne.)

Ingrid: (shocked) I am so undead!

Zoltan: I don't want to say "I told you so"... but I told you so!

(While Vlad, Robin and Chloe are looking for the Staff of Carpathia in a museum.)

Robin: Eurgh! It really smells like the plague in here!

Chloe: Sort of familiar though.

(The three smell the air around them.)

Robin: Mouldy cabbage, with a hint of toe jam.

Vlad: Week old armpit sweat.

(An arm is suddenly visible amongst a case with rats in it.)

Vlad, Robin and Chloe: Renfield!

Sweet Sixteen [2.10][edit]

Ingrid's reflection: Bad things come to those who wait!

(When Vlad, Robin and Ingrid are running away from Ingrid's reflection.)

Robin: Vlad, shouldn't a vampire be chasing us?

Vlad: But she's not a vampire, are you, Ingrid? You didn't go through with the transformation.

Ingrid: If you breathe a word of this to anyone I'll... well, I can't bite you, but I'll do something evil!

Robin: I don't get it. I thought you had to transform.

Vlad: I thought so, too. But there's a way out of it, isn't there?

(Ingrid's reflection appears from behind Robin.)

Ingrid's reflection: None whatsoever!

Ingrid: Run!

(When the Count and Magda are duelling.)

Count: Prepare to be dust, you two-timing traitor!

Magda: Eat garlic, you pathetic toad!

Count: Your skin is too pink.

Magda: Your fangs are too short!

Count: You're so... fat. We could carpet the castle with one of your enormous dresses. Ha! Ha!

Magda: (furious) Yes, and we can sandblast the stonework with a whiff of your wormy, soil breath!

Eclipse [2.11][edit]

(When the Count refuses to let Ingrid go on a date with Will.)

Count: Ingrid, remember what happened to the last daughter who challenged me!

Ingrid: I'm your ONLY daughter!

Count: You are now!

(When Mr. Branagh speaks to Vlad about the Count being in trouble with the police.)

Vlad: Look, you don't understand. So we come from Transylvania and live in a spooky old castle, but that doesn't mean we're vampires!

(A mingled look of horror and realisation registers on Mr. Branagh's face.)

Vlad: (slowly) Mr. Branagh?

Mr. Branagh: I just thought he was hunting without a license.

Vlad: Ah...

Count: What's that on your collar?

Ingrid: (hastily) Nothing!

Count: (sniffing) Blood! Human blood!

Ingrid: (smugly) So, I've bitten a Breather! Guess that makes me the only real vampire in this castle after all!

When Vampires Go Bad [2.12][edit]

(When Justice Moroi sentences the Count to death.)

Vlad: Who appointed you judge, jury and executioner?

Moroi: My card...

Vlad: (reading it) "Justice Moroi; judge, jury and executioner"...

Moroi: Any more questions?

Ingrid: Yeah, do I get a front row seat?

Vlad: Ingrid!

Ingrid: Alright, do we ALL get front row seats?

Grand High Vampire: For your own father's execution? Of course you do!

Vlad: Here's the plan; we run away, you two go first. While they're out looking for you, I rescue Robin. We leave the country and meet up again in Uncle Ivan's place and hide out there till the heat's off.

Count: No. Count Dracula does not run away.

Ingrid: You did last time.

Count: That was different, some of those peasants had really big pitch forks.

(When trying to discover who slayed the Grand High Vampire.)

Renfield: ... and when I got back, the helmet was gone.

Robin: Then what happened?

Vlad: Someone stole it.

Robin: Pretending to be him.

(Points at Moroi.)

Will: And murdered the Grand High Vampire.

Ingrid: Cool!

(Justice Moroi picks up a bottle in the Count's room.)

Moroi: Eurgh! Garlic perfume!

Count: I bought that for my wife.

Vlad: You were trying to kill Mum?

Count: No! Just give her a nasty rash.

The Chosen One [2.13][edit]

(During the Grand High Vampire initiation.)

Mrs. Branagh: Somebody and I won't mention any names thinks you're all... vampires.

Count: (laughs) Vampires?

Mrs. Branagh: I know, it's ridiculous.

Vlad: (to the Count) Please, don't do this.

Count: (to Mrs. Branagh) So, because we wear capes, we're vampires?

Mrs. Branagh: He (Mr. Branagh) has an overactive imagination.

Count: Because we have a penchant for black, we're vampires? Just because we have fangs (laughs evilly) and drink blood, we ARE vampires!

(The other Branaghs are shocked.)

Mrs. Branagh: Oh, my!

Mr. Branagh: Somehow, saying "I told you so" isn't quite enough.

Robin: I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'awesome'!

Ghost of the Grand High Vampire: (to Vlad) You'll know you are the Chosen One when you sacrifice the life you love to save the family you love.

Ingrid: From now on you will call me Countess Dracula! Watch me as I avenge Will's death and make the streets of Stokely run red with blood! HAHAHAHA!

Season 3[edit]

Hide and Seek [3.01][edit]

(When it's believed Ingrid has perished when Stokely castle was set on fire.)

Zoltan: I'm very sorry for your loss.

Count: I loved her, Zoltan. I know didn't always show it, but I loved her... she was the best castle I ever owned.

Vlad: He was talking about Ingrid!

Zoltan: No, I wasn't.

(After Vlad and Ingrid see each other again after four years.)

Ingrid: You got old.

Vlad: You got sick.

Ingrid: I can look after myself.

Vlad: Yeah? Then why'd you leave Stokely?

Ingrid: I got bored.

Vlad: You got burnt.

(When Vlad brings Ingrid to Garside Grange School.)

Count: Well, well, well. Look what the bat dragged in. (To Vlad) I TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING HER HERE!

Ingrid: Nice to see you too, Dad.

The Enemy Within [3.02][edit]

(When Ingrid takes a potion which has unexpectedly given her facial hair.)

Count: Well, it's certainly an improvement, I can see less of her face.

(When the Count reveals there is a cure to make Ingrid better.)

Count: Transylvanian bat vomit, does the job every time.

Vlad: You're sick and wrong!

Count: Oh... thank you, Vladdy.

Renfield: Open wide.

(Gives the Transylvanian bat vomit to Ingrid, who instantly becomes better.)

Ingrid: What did I ever do to you?

Count: Gloated at my execution, plotted to overthrow me, left me to die!

Ingrid: Hmmm, that.

Faustian Slip [3.03][edit]

Vlad: I've been TRAINING every night this week!

Count: You still haven't mastered telepathy.

Vlad: I hope you can read this...

(Glares at the Count.)

Count: Actually I can. And in answer, I seriously doubt it would fit.

(When Magda tricks Vlad into making her his Regent.)

Vlad: I'm cancelling this right now... how do I do that?

Magda: You don't. Only I can cancel the contract.

Vlad: (Teeth gritted) You devious, conniving witch!

Magda: (Slyly) You said all the right things.

(Vlad telepaths the Count to come to Garside.)

Count: I knew you could do it, Vlad. Your message came through clear as a bell; "Come home now, Major A blood for tea."

Vlad: "Major emergency."

Count: Oh, that's not nearly as good.

Vlad: (to Renfield) I need your help.

Renfield: (working on a potion) I'm at a critical point.

Vlad: I need you to dress up as a woman and pretend to be Mum.

Renfield: (pause) Nothing that can't wait.

Fangs For The Memories [3.04][edit]

(When talking about life in Stokely.)

Vlad: I had friends, well, one friend.

Erin: Another vampire?

Vlad: No, he was normal. (Clips show of his loyal best friend, the vampire fanatic Robin Branagh.) Ok, he wasn't normal... but I still miss him.

Carpathian Feast [3.05][edit]

Ingrid: I'm back. Twice as gorgeous, three times as evil... make that four times as evil.

(During dinner.)

Renfield: It's the Master's favourite.

Ingrid: And by Master you mean... (gestures Vlad and the Count.)

Blood Thief [3.06][edit]

Bad to the Bone [3.07][edit]

Vlad's reflection: You're special, Vlad. You don't have one evil reflection... you have a thousand! Together we will be the most powerful vampire ever!

(Once Vlad's evil side has taken over him and he instantly opens the Predictum Impaver.)

Ramanga: Master! Reveal to us our destiny!

Evil Vlad: Tell the others our time is coming... (laughs evilly.)

Bad Vlad [3.08][edit]

(Zoltan has a twisted neck after an injury.)

Zoltan: How could Vlad do this to me?

Renfield: You and stairs make him laugh.

(During the chaos Vlad is causing.)

Renfield: It's the Master, he's in a terrible mood.

Ingrid: Dad did all this?

Renfield: No, not your...

Ingrid: Not my what, Renfield?

(Awkward pause.)

Ingrid: Say it, you servile wart!

Renfield: N-not your father, Miss.

Ingrid: If not Dad then there must be another Master, who?

Renfield: Vl...

Ingrid: Vl...?

Renfield: aaa...

Ingrid: aaa...?

Renfield: d...

Ingrid: Spells?

Renfield: (inaudibly) Vlad.

Ingrid: He's been evil for one day and you're already calling him the Master?!

Renfield: Please don't tell the Count.

Ingrid: It's not the Count you have to worry about... it's me!

(Renfield has been tied and pinned to a corner on the ceiling.)

Count: (Believing Evil Vlad has done it) He's pinned him to the wall that is genius, that is genius!

Ingrid: Thank you!

Count: You? How dare you humiliate Renfield, that's my job.

Evil Vlad: I know your secret, Breather.

Erin: Vlad, please.

Evil Vlad: (sighs exasperatedly) Is that the best you can do?

Erin: Vlad, I'm your friend. I'll get you some blood, you don't need to bite anyone.

Evil Vlad: Oh, I don't need to... bit I want to.

(When Vlad faces his evil side in the Mirror Room.)

Evil Vlad: You took your time. (Smirking) Nervous are we?

Vlad: I'm not the one who should be nervous.

(There are flashes of light as the two use their powers to fight.)

Evil Vlad: You're never gonna win!

(There flashes again as they continue to fight.)

Vlad: I'm the one in control!

Evil Vlad: Oh, you're not strong enough.

(Vlad then raises his arms so his evil side and his good side can merge together again.)

Evil Vlad: Bad idea.

(He rushes towards Vlad and the two are one again. Vlad then leaves the room looking shaken and is surprised to see Erin waiting for him.)

Vlad: I told you to go.

Erin: I knew you would win. It's over now, isn't it?

Vlad: He's part of me now. How can it ever be over?!

Therapy [3.09][edit]

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