Zork Grand Inquisitor
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- Grand Inquisitor (Mir Yannick): "Shun magic, and shun the appearance of magic! Shun everything - and then shun shunning!" - played by Erick Avari.
- Voice of the Inquisition: "This is a paid announcement: 'The Grand Inquisitor rules!'" - played by David Lander.
- Grand Inquisitor: "Who is the boss of you? Me! I am the boss of you!"
- Voice of the Inquisition: "No citizens over, or under, the age of 18 may appear on, or in, the streets after curfew is in progress. Violators of Inquisition curfew may be intimidated, incarcerated, lacerated and/or masticated if time permits and the weather is fine."
- Voice of the Inquisition: "Curfew will begin in one second. CURFEW! Curfew has begun. Curfew began one second ago. Curfew began five seconds ago. Curfew began ten seconds ago."
- Voice of the Inquisition: "Further violators of curfew will be threatened with smitting, then smitten. Once smote, further smitation and subsequent resmitation will commence until the smittee is deemed to be sufficiently smit by the smitter."
- Grand Inquisitor: [on the 1200 steps to self-contentment in the post-magical age] "Obey! Conform! Abstain! Ignore! Deny! Refrain! Cease! Appease! Shun! ... Avoid new sensations. Avoid all sensations! Avoid any sensation! Avoid unnecessary pleasantries! Avoid necessary pleasantries! Avoid libation! Avoid fermentation! Avoid all these in combinations. Save often! Floss regularly! Floss meaningfully! Floss athletically! Think happy thoughts! And above all, never forget: who is the Boss of you? Me! I am the Boss of you!"
- Antharia Jack: [If you knock on the door with the fish plastic in hand] "What are you, stupid? That's a-- its a-- you know, one of those plastic thingys. Kills the fish!"
- Frobozz Electric: "Permasuck, from Frobozz Electric. We don't make things that suck, we make things that suck-- permanently."
- Dalboz: "Aw, its our first inventory item together. I wish I had a camera!"
- Dalboz: "Your sword's blowing glue! Uh, let me try that again. Your sword's glowing blue!"
- Dalboz: "Do do do do do! It's a direct line to the commisioner!"
- Dalboz: "'You gain 86 experience points and found a healing potion'. Oops, wrong kind of Dungeon Master."
- Dalboz: [Once you collect the subway token and go to the subway entrance] "Hm. A token, a slot. But how to put it all together without my 'insert-token-into-slot' spell?"
- Dalboz: [After casting Kendall on the subway map] "That's more like it. Now unless I'm mistaken, all you have to do is pick the place you want to go, wait at the edge of the platform, and assume crash position!"
- Dalboz: [to skeleton in the Hades Station] "Heya slim! Whatcha reading? 'How to hypnotise yourself'. Heh, guess it worked!"
The Hades Shuttle Service Courtesy Phone
- "Thank you for calling the Hades shuttle service courtesy 'phone. Since the dawn of time, your choice for crossing over into the after-life. To skip a message at any time, press 4. This service has recently undergone a retro-fitting to ensure full ease-of-abuse, customer dissatisfaction and user-unfriendliness while inefficiently bringing you, the recently deceased, to your final destination. Before crossing, you'll need to answer a few simple questions." - played by Diane Pershing.