The Amazing Race

The Amazing Race is an American television reality game show in which teams of two people, who have some form of a preexisting personal relationship, race around the world in competition with other teams.

Season 1

The Race Begins

Drew: You have to hit six numbers to get a live human being on the phone.

Kevin: It's amazing that you even got up this morning and tied your shoes.

Drew: Nothing's free, Kevin! We're in Africa! You go to the Statue of Liberty, is the guy giving these things [maps] away for free? For cryin' out loud! Free!

Drew: Zambia. That's where we are.

Kevin: That's Namibia, jackass.

Drew: You have to approach people in an affable, friendly way! You don't do it like you're in New York!

Leslie: We're in, what, seventh place?

Kim: I don't know, I can't do math right now.

Kim: God, there are a lot of bugs out in the jungle. Go figure.

Kevin: Swing, you fat bastard, swing!

Ana: Once a moron, always a moron.

Matt: Well, you fell in love with this moron.

Divide And Conquer

Karyn: When we win the money, he has to marry me.

Drew: What's this elephant?

Kevin: What elephant?

Drew: This little statue here.

Kevin: It's probably a little...a little tchotchke!

Kevin: You're gonna get the window, you jerk.

Drew: Don't worry about it.

Kevin: You think you're whatchamacallit from Wild Kingdom. Jackass.

Kevin: Is that an impala?

Drew: Get the camera, get the camera!

Kevin: It's a goat, it's a goat.

Leslie: Who wants to go to Paris? I don't want to go to Paris. I hate Paris.

Leslie: I'm looking for four [tickets]. And she's [Amie] not with me.

Guido: How the hell can they help us? We lived in Paris for two years!

Drew: How are you, buddy? You hangin' in there? Your legs hurtin'?

Kevin: I'm an idiot! I'm a friggin' idiot.

Drew: That's my boy. Always keepin' a sense of humor.

Amie: You're a fat bitch!

Leslie: She screamed at me like she'd scream at her boyfriend.

Paul: How do they jump in our cab and just take it? In New York, they would have grabbed her out by the hair.

Karyn: I'm really disappointed. Disappointed. Disappointed.

Lenny: What did you say?

Karyn: I'm disappointed.

Lenny: Well, that ain't nothing new.

Emily: The only monument I know is that Arc d'Whatever.

Leslie: I don't know where that little cute couple that hates our guts are.

Karyn: You're not going to shake my hand? We're not out, and you're not going to shake my hand?

Home For Some

Rob: Life is a game of minutes.

Frank: Onward to victory!

Amie: [while sleeping outside] Ah, this is the life.

Kevin: We have no food, we have no water...we're all set.

Drew: Good night, Kevin.

Kevin: Good night, Drew. [pauses] Good night, John-Boy.

Nancy: Why didn't you go to the hotel?

Amie: What hotel?

Drew: I just don't think the city's [Paris] anything special. I rate it no better than SoHo.

Drew: Geez, why did I think it was gonna be an old guy who looked like Ben Franklin?

Joe: I can't wait to see the big pendulum!

Margarita: Do you need me?

Frank: I just need your brain, I don't need your emotions.

Rob: The Guidos try to hold other people back with deceit and trickery.

Joe: Bonjour! Bonjour! Hey, big strong guys like you, how come you're not doing the steps? Don’t you need a little aerobic exercise?

Joe: They don’t know Paris, and they don't know where they're going.

Joe: It would be just our luck to lose this thing in Paris when we lived here for two years.

Drew: Who's better than us, here, on top of the South of France? With everybody lookin' at our behinds, no less.

Mayor of Les Baux de Provence: Welcome. You are -

Joe: We're team number three!

Mayor of Les Baux de Provence: You are team number four.

Brenda: Who knew that there were two Foucault pendulums in Paris?

Colossal Showdown

Margarita: It wasn't about not working together.

Joe: It's about winning now. It's about winning and not letting anybody else win.

Margaretta: David and I have been married for forty years. We're just doing our normal thing. There's nothing on this trip that will make or break us.

Bill: Control the game, period. Play the game our way. Group Guido arranged the whole passage. No one can leave without this ticket. I controlled the group, intimidated the whole group by speaking French for two hours to the people that were there, also leaving doubt in their mind what I was doing. The other contestants? Of course, we're playing them like a violin, you know?

Lenny: I want to rip their heads off and show them their hearts.

Drew: What does it say? "Go Here"? Oh. I thought it said "Go Home".

Paul: They were rippin' my skin off.

Amie: Really? Mine was pretty nice.

Drew: You saw what that was like in Midnight Express.

Joe: The first circle inside the big concentric circle!

Emily: [after lighting the Coliseum on fire] Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, stop!

Kevin: I thought I heard him. You can't miss that mouth.

Kevin: Take the elevator to the Coliseum floor!

Frank: Pit Of Death, here I come.

Amie: I'll do it. I gotta pee, but I'll do it.

Amie: Olympic torch, kiddos!

Phil: David and Margaretta, you're the last team to arrive at this leg. You've been eliminated. I'm sorry to tell you that.

Dave: And I'm sorry to hear it. But I want to tell you, this is a tough group to compete against, and I don't think it's any disgrace to lose to them. They're all great people, and we did our best, and we wish them lots of luck.

Desert Storm

Drew: Alright, so what do you think that arrow means? I gotta pee, I might as well do it right here.

Kevin: It means go right, stupid. It means Drew is a dumbass.

Season 4

We're Not At Charm School Learning How To Be A Gentleman, We're Racing

Kelly: You’re always right, I’m always wrong. We’re done. [sighs]

Jon: Kelly, go [bleep] yourself.

Kelly: What did you just say to me? What did you just say to me? I’ll tell you what, Jon, you’re walking a thin line. This was a chance we decided to take, but you will not talk to me like that.

Season 5

It Just Turned Ugly Right Now

Mirna: The prostitute would know where the discotheque is wouldn't she?

Karen: Mirna & Charla are at a great disadvantage-

Linda: And their kickin' our butts!

Are You Good At Puzzles?

Marshal: Stop looking at the camel.

It's Okay, Run Them Over!

Colin: Detour, plow or fowl? What do you think, a thousand ducks?

Christie: The plow.

Colin: Start looking in through here, you know what I mean?

Christie: How are you doing it?

Colin: I can't control where he goes, baby.

Christie: Keep looking.

Colin: Which way?

Christie: Keep looking, on bottom.

Colin: You're not even helping me look, baby. You're just standing around.

Christie: There's not much I can do, baby. It's gonna be in the plowed area, it's gonna be deep. That's why you gotta be really looking, in the plowed area.

Christie: Do you understand?…

Colin: I UNDERSTAND!

Colin: WHERE'S HE GOING?! NO, IN THIS FIELD!!! Oh my god.

Colin: MY OX IS BROKEN!!! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!

Christie: Colin, is it impossible to control him?

Christie: Please answer me when I talk to you. If there's any way possible that you can not wander aimlessly…

Colin: Do you know how hard it is to look down and try to drive him? Do you know how difficult that is? It wasn't this hard for the other teams. I can guarantee you that much!

Christie: Grab the plow!

Colin: I CAN'T GET HIM TO GO OVER THERE!!!

Christie: Well, calm down…

Colin: WHY DO YOU KEEP TURNING?!

Christie: Colin, why don't you learn how to control it?

Colin: I'M TRYING!!!

Christie: Listen to yourself, no wonder you can't control it!

Colin: See, I can't make him go over there!

Christie: I don't want another word coming out of your mouth.

Colin: Oh my god, I hate you.

Christie: Just plow…

Colin: COME ON!!!

Colin: WOAH, WOAH!!! Stupid ox! No! STAY IN THE FIELD!!!

Colin: GET THE F*CK OVER HERE AND HELP LOOK!!!

Christie: It's so deep, Colin…

Colin: I DON'T CARE!!! WALK THROUGH WITH YOUR FEET UNTIL YOU FEEL IT!!!

Christie: (finds clue) It's right here.

Colin: Oh my god.

Christie: (reading clue) Find the Pit Stop, the Coconut Palace.

Season 6

Tell My Mom I Love Her

Hayden: We have been just lollygagging and when I’m not high-paced and aggressive, we suck. Where do I go?

Aaron: Hayden, I have not a clue.

Hayden: How do you not know?!

Aaron: You are such–

Hayden: No! I’m not a bitch! I'm not any of that! We’re lost going out of here! Aaron, you need to do something or I’m going to hyperventilate!

Season 7

Courteous? This Is A Race!

Ryan: Were about do take a zip line down the mountain. Were gonna be the first ones to load test it.

Ryan: hey look out for the cactuses!

The Whole Country Hates Me

Lynn: Oh my god, I just got totally hated.

Do You Need Some Mouth-To-Mouth Resuscitation?

[Rob and Amber steal Debbie and Bianca's taxi]

Cab Driver: I'm waiting for them.

Rob: Oh no, it's okay. We'll take them. We're going to go with you. How much? How much did they pay?

Cab driver: Four.

Rob: I'm paying ten. Open it up.

[Rob and Amber drive away in the cab]

Rob: That'll teach them for accusing someone of lying.

Bianca: Debbie, do you see a cab?

Debbie: No.

Bianca: This is retarded. Now we got to catch another cab.

Phil Keoghan: A roadblock is a task in only one person may perform. In this roadblock, that person has to eat a traditional Argentine meal. They consist of cow ribs, pork sausage, blood sausage, cow intestine, cow udder, an entire kidney, and part of a cow's saliva gland. Each person's portion weighs four pounds. When they finish eating, they'll get their next clue.

[Deana takes the meat roadblock]

Lynn: Go Deana, go Deana, go Deana, go Deana, it's your vomit, go Deana.

Deana: What is all this stuff? I'm not going to-

Ray: Do your best.

Deana: My stomach ain't big enough for this.

Ray: We've made a terrible mistake.

What A Gaucho You Are

Alex and Lynn, Ron and Kelly, Uchenna and Joyce and Brian and Greg are on the first flight to Buenos Aires getting ready to depart.

Alex: Rob and Amber didn't make it, yay!

Lynn: I'm so excited that they didn't make it. Survive that.

[Rob and Amber gets on the plane for Buenos Aires]

Brian: No freaking way.

Greg: That's horsecrap!

Rob: Rob, how's your stomach? [laughing]

Kelly: Rob's strategy to quit worked and that just made me sick.

Lynn: If that had been any other team, they would have literally gotten an applause; but the fact that it was Rob and Amber, it was just terrible.

Alex: I hate them. I hate them so much.

Lynn: The bottom line is they're [Rob and Amber] kind of like an STD. You gotta protect yourself from them and the only way you can do it is just keep yourself away from them.

[Ray shows contempt for Meredith and Gretchen]

Ray: Those people don't belong in this game with us... I'm not losing to a 70-year-old man and his wife.

[Susan and Patrick's boat stops working]

Patrick: We already know that we're in last place and that was the end of Patrick and Susan.

I've Been Wanting A Facelift For A Long Time

[Ray accidentally hits Deana's head with the pounding stick in the food and water detour]

Deana: Ow, Ray!

Ray: Deana.

Deana: You could at least apologize.

Ray: The problem is that we don't work together.

Deana: You can do this yourself.

Ray: That's right, give up!

Houston, We Have An Elephant

Kelly: You told me to "shut the 'F' up".

Ron: No, I didn't!

Kelly: You piece of trash redneck.

Mow 'Em Down Like Grass

Rob and Amber arrives first at the Lucknow mat only to find out that this is a double-length leg.

Phil Keoghan: Rob and Amber, Welcome to Lucknow.

Rob and Amber: Thank you.

Phil Keoghan: You guys probably think that this is the end of the leg,

Amber: But?

Phil Keoghan: I don't want to hold you up. I have your other clue.

Amber: Are you serious?

Phil Keoghan: You're still racing. This leg is not over.

We Have A Bad Elephant

[Uchenna and Joyce reach the Fast Forward and find out they have to participate in a head shaving ritual.]

Joyce: I knew that was coming. I freaking knew it!

Joyce: [Sobbing] It's already gone.

[Amber's camel becomes uncontrollable]

Amber: Go! Go! Go! No! No!

Gretchen: Good, good he's going in the other direction. Go around the track the other way. [laughing]

Rob: Oh God, please no. Oh God no.

Gretchen: We've got an obstinate camel!

We Got A Gnome! We Got A Gnome!

The Devil Made Me Do It

Amber: We have no idea what a dervish is.

Rob: I think it's a topless woman.

Ron: She [Kelly] really surprised me and I think I've seen everything that I want to see out of her on this race.

Five Continents, 25 Cities, And More Than 40,000 Miles

[Rob and Amber's cab is pulled over by the police]

Joyce: You gotta cooperate with the police. That's too bad.

Rob: That cop probably just cost us a million dollars.

[The final three teams are in Jamaica performing the final detour of the race building rafts and Ron and Kelly are falling behind.]

Kelly: I want you to look at everybody else. They're a lot farther than us and look what they're doing.

Ron: I understand that. I've never built one of these before. That's what I'm trying to explain to you. When you figure out how to build one, you tell me.

Kelly: Smart "A".

Season 10

We Just Won't Die, Like Roaches

Ticket Lady: It’s not okay.

Dustin and Kandice: Can we try? Can we please try?

Ticket Lady: [in a stern voice] I said the flight is closed.

Dustin: She’s just a bitch.

Kandice: She’s so unhelpful and so unkind.

Kandice: We just want to get out of here before I have to see ‘Bama.

Karlyn: That one can’t even look over here. [Karlyn flips the bird at Dustin and Kandice]

Lyn: Don’t do that. That’s ugly.

Karlyn: Sorry.

Rob: I can’t believe they [Dustin and Kandice] yielded ‘Bama, dude. That’s kind of crappy, dude.

Karlyn: We just won’t die, like roaches. [laughing] We gotta keep coming back.

Season 11 All-Stars

I Told You Less Martinis And More Cardio

Drew: We're five years older, five years more out of shape.

Kevin: I was a circle then. I'm an oval now, I suppose.

John Vito: I've had enough of Rob and Amber. I think America may have also.

Joyce: I can't believe we're doing this again!

Uchenna: This is the chance of a lifetime twice.

Season 12

EPISODE 1

Ari: [to donkey] If you lose this race for us, I'm going to kick your ass.

Ari: You listen right here. You make me lose this, I'm gonna cut you up and eat you.

Nathan: Gosh!

Jennifer: Come on sweetheart

Nathan: Gosh!gytttr

Jennifer: You can't yell like that!

Donkey: [Makes donkey noises]

Nathan: I don't know what's wrong with him.

Nathan: The freaks [Kynt and Vyxsin] just got ther

EPISODE 2

Ron: [to Christina] You need to lose some weight. [Bike falls] Whoa! I should've not made that comment.

EPISODE 4

Jason: If we don't get eliminated, we're gonna screw over the blondes [Shana and Jennifer].

Phil: Shana and Jennifer, you're team number six.

Jennifer: Whooo!

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External links

Wikipedia

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The Amazing Race