Beautiful Thing

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Beautiful Thing is a 1993 play and 1995 film, both written by Jonathan Harvey.


  • There's me going to bed every night worried because you had to share a bed with Ste, and all the time you were... you turned a seventy minus one.
  • No, I know what you need... a shooting.


Leah's Mother: Oh, I suppose I should be glad it's not techno-acidic housey-housey pop trash.


Ryan: What you fuckin' looking at!?
Miss Chauhan: Less "fucking" and more attention, please! [looking at a pregnant student] Something you might have said to your boyfriend that, Gina.

Mr. Bennet: Oy, He! What's his name?
McBride: Hugh, sir. Hugh Janus. (Huge anus)

Tony: Jamie... how old are you?
Jamie: Old enough. How old are you?
Tony: Twenty-seven; not old enough to be your dad, right?

Ryan: How about a drink?
Sandra: Have a wank, big bollocks!

Neighbour: It's her; she can't control her kids!
Leah's Mother: I have only got the one, you know.
Neighbour: It's just as bloody well!

[Jamie and Ste go to bed]
Jamie: ...Ste?
Ste: Hm?
Jamie: You alright?
Ste: Yeah.
[Jamie pauses]
Jamie: ...Ste?
Ste: What?
Jamie: Night.
Ste: Night, Jamie.

Sandra: What's the matter with Madonna?
Leah: She's a slag.
Sandra: Hypocrit.

Jamie: Scared of being called queer!?
Ste: ...Are you?
Jamie: Maybe... maybe not.
Ste: And are you?
Jamie: Queer?
Ste: Gay.
Jamie: I'm very happy. I'm happy when I'm with you... There, I said it now; go on, piss yourself.
Ste: No.
Jamie: Why, don't you think it's funny?
Ste: I don't want to.
Jamie: I think it's hilarious.
Ste: Why aren't you laughing then?

Jamie: I'm a queer! A bender! Puffer! Nob-shiner! Brown-atter! Shirt-flap lifter--!
Tony: --I get the picture.
Jamie: Now just leave me alone.
Tony: And she knows this?
Jamie: [sarcastically] No, I thought I'd tell you first!

Jamie: Thanks for telling me.
Sandra: Snap.

Sandra: What happened? School burnt down, did it?
Jamie: Yeah.
Sandra: Ah, and what has been this time? An IRA Bomb?
Jamie: Fundamentalist Muslim Pyromaniacs.
Sandra: Oh, funny that. Looks all right when I passed.
Jamie: Yeah, [sarcastically] funny that.

Sandra: You, out! You're under age.
Leah: I'm only drinking Coke.
Sandra: You'll drinking blood when I slap your face. Now move it!
Leah: Oh, you're so hard!
Slasher: Was that a threat?
Sandra: Yeah, and here's another one: Get out before I call your child minder.
Leah: Come on Slasher, I don't want to be asked.
Sandra: ¿Slasher?... ¿What do you slash? ¿Crepe paper?
Leah: He's incontinent.

Interviewer: To whom would you offer the job?
Sandra: It's obvious. Isn't it?
Sandra: The bird with the biggest tits.

Jamie: It's my mom's. The Body Shop. Peppermint foot lotion... soothes your feet.
Jamie: Lay down, and I'll rub it into your back. If you want.

After Jamie kissed Ste
Ste: Do you think I'm queer?
Jamie: It doesn't matter what I think.
Jamie: Can I touch you?
Ste: I'm a bit sore.
Jamie: Yeah.

Sandra: Ey, Ste!, any beans to spill? A little bird tells me that you're in love.
Ste: What?
Sandra: A four-letter word, love.
Sandra: Oh, don't look so worried, Jamie told me all about it.
Tony: She's just jeleaous. Twenty years younger and could have been her.
Sandra: Come on, what's she like!?... Well, what's her name then!?
Ste: No-.
Sandra: Oh, short for Nolene? It's very Home and Away.

Ste: I got you this.
Jamie: Oh My, What a pretty hat! It's the prettiest hat I ever did seen Mr. Steven. Does this mean were engaged?

Sandra: It's a work of art. Isn't it?
Jamie: Claude Monet couldna done better.
Sandra: Argh! Get a life!
Jamie: Do you know who Claude Monet is?
Sandra: Jamie! don't make me out to be fick.
Sandra: Now, you just remember, I won a year's supply of toilet freshener for making up that poem. It took brains and artistry that.

Jamie: Some things are just hard to say.
Sandra: I know, I know that.
Jamie: You think I'm young, that it's just a phase. You think I'll catch AIDS... and everything.
Sandra: You know a lot about me, don't you?
[Jamie is crying]
Sandra: Don't cry.
Sandra: It's all right. I'm not going to put you out in the morning like an empty bottle.

Leah: I suppose you don't have any job in your new pub.
Sandra: No. But if I someday turn it into a brothel, I'll get back to you then. OK?

Sandra: Ey, Leah.
Leah: What?
Sandra: What's this dyke will be like?
Leah: Ah, big and butch.
Sandra: What colour eyes?
Leah: Hmm. Green.
Sandra: Tall?
Leah: I'll have to look up.
Sandra: Nice.
Leah: Yeah.

Sandra: Louise?
Louise: Yeah?
Sandra: I would never have a grandchildren.
Louise: Ouh.

See also[edit]

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