Charmed (TV series)
(Redirected from Charmed)
Charmed (1998–2006) is a television show about three sisters who reunite and unlock their powers to become the Charmed Ones - the most powerful good witches of all time to exist. Now they must vanquish evil and save innocents while living their lives as normal women in the real world. Life isn't so easy when you're Charmed. In Season 4, half-sister Paige Matthews took over for the dearly departed Prue (Shannen Doherty), to once again form the Charmed Ones and fight evil and save innocents. Starring Holly Marie Combs as Piper, Alyssa Milano as Phoebe and Rose McGowan as Paige.
Season 1
[edit]Something Wicca This Way Comes
[edit]- Piper: Prue?
- Prue: In here, working on the chandelier.
- Piper: Sorry, I'm late.
- Prue: What else is new? You know, Piper, I would have been here to wait for an electrician myself, but you know I can't leave museum until six. I didn't even have time to change.
- Piper: I just... I didn't realize how long I was in Chinatown. Did Jeremy call?
- Prue: No, but he had some roses and a package delivered. What were you doing in Chinatown? I through that you had an interview at North Beach.
- Piper: I did, but later I went to YoungLi market after my interview to get the ingredients for my audition recipe tomorrow.
- Prue: So that Wolfgang cook did not hire you today?
- Piper: No, but this just may get me the job.
- Prue: Jeremy sent you port?
- Piper: It's the ultimate ingredient for my recipe.
- Prue: Nice boyfriend.
- Piper: Oh my God. I don't believe it. Tell me that's not our old spirit board.
- Prue: Yeah, I found it in the basement when I was looking for the circuit tester.
- Piper: "To my three beautiful girls. May this give you the light to find the shadows. The Power of Three will set you free. Love, Mom." We never did figure out what this inscription meant.
- Prue: Oh, you should send it to Phoebe, that girl is so in the dark, maybe a little bit of light will help.
- Piper: You're always so hard on her.
- Prue: Piper, the girl has no vision, no sense of the future.
- Piper: I really think Phoebe's coming around.
- Prue: Well, as long as she doesn't come around here I guess that's good news.
- Darryl: Well, it's about time.
- Andy: I got here as soon as I heard. Another dead female, right? Mid to late 20s?
- Darryl: I've been paging you for over an hour, Truedau. Where have you been?
- Andy: Oakland. Checking out a lead.
- Darry: What lead?
- Andy: One that didn't go anywhere.
- Darryl: You're avoiding my question.
- Andy: Because you don't want to know I went to an occult shop.
- Darryl: You hate me, don't you? You wanna see me suffer.
- Andy: I want to solve these murders. Someone's after witches.
- Darryl: Women.
- Andy: That women up there, I bet she was killed by an athamé.
- Darryl: Wrong. Double-edged steel knife.
- Andy: Right. That's an athamé. It's a ceremonial tool. Witches use them to direct energy.
- Darryl: That women didn't direct jack. She was stabbed. Plain and simple.
- Andy: Was she found near an altar?
- Darryl: Yes.
- Andy: Were there carvings on that altar?
- Darryl: Just do me a favor. Don't ever follow a lead without checking with me first.
- Andy: You want to go to occult shops?
- Darryl: Just get to work, okay?
- Jeremy: Inspector Truedau! Jeremy Burns, San Francisco Chronicle. You care to comment?
- Andy: A women was stabbed. Plain and simple.
- Jeremy: That's the third one in three weeks.
- Prue: I don't get it. I have checked everything. There's no reason why the chandelier should not be working.
- Piper: We've been talking about what to do with that spare room. I think you're right, we do need a roommate.
- Prue: Well we could rent out a room at a reduced rate in exchange to help around the house.
- Piper: Phoebe's good with a wrench.
- Prue: Phoebe lives in New York.
- Piper: Not anymore.
- Prue: What?
- Piper: She left New York. She's moving back in with us.
- Prue: You've got to be kidding.
- Piper: Well, I could hardly say no. It's her house too; it was willed to all of us.
- Prue: Yeah, months ago. And we haven't seen her or spoken to her since.
- Piper: Well, you haven't spoken to her.
- Prue: No, I haven't. Maybe you forgot why I'm so mad at her.
- Piper: Well, of course not, but she had nowhere else to go. She lost her job, she's in debt.
- Prue: And this is news? How long have you known about this anyway?
- Piper: A couple of days. Maybe a week, or two...
- Prue: Thanks for sharing. When does she arrive?
- Phoebe: Surprise! I found the hide-a-key!
- Piper: Phoebe, welcome home. It's so good to see you. Isn't it, Prue?
- Prue: I'm speechless.
- Phoebe: Oops, I forget about the cab.
- Piper: I'll get it.
- Prue: Piper, that's my purse!
- Phoebe: Thanks, I'll pay you back.
- Prue: Is that all that you brought?
- Phoebe: That's all that I own, that and bike. Look, I know that you don't want me here...
- Prue: We're not selling Gram's house.
- Phoebe: Is that why you think I came back?
- Prue: Look, the only reason Piper and I gave up our apartment and moved back was because this house has been in our family for generations.
- Phoebe: No history lesson needed. I grew up here, too. So, can we talk about what's really bothering you?
- Prue: No, I'm still furious with you.
- Phoebe: So, you'd rather have a tense reunion filled with boring chitchat and unimportant small talk?
- Prue: No, but otherwise we won't have anything to talk about.
- Phoebe: I never touched Roger.
- Prue: Whoa!
- Phoebe: I know you think otherwise because that's what that Armani-wearing-chardonnay-slugging-trust-funder told you, but...
- Piper: Hey! I have a great idea! Why don't I make a fabulous reunion dinner?
- Prue: I'm not hungry.
- Phoebe: Ate on the bus.
- Piper: Okay, we'll try a group hug later.
- Phoebe: I forgot your question.
- Piper: I asked if Prue was going to have sex with someone other than herself this year.
- Phoebe: That's disgusting. (looks at spirit board) Please say yes.
- Phoebe:
- Hear now the words of the witches,
- The secrets we hid in the night.
- The oldest of gods are invoked here,
- The great work of magic is sought.
- In this night and in this hour,
- I call upon the ancient power.
- Bring your powers to we sisters three.
- We want the power.
- Give us the power.
- Hear now the words of the witches,
I've Got You Under My Skin
[edit]- Prue: What are you watchining?
- Piper: Nothing. Just a show.
- Prue: About witches? Are you worried we're gonna be burned at the stake?
- Piper: Yeah, right. By the way, Andy called.
- Prue: When?
- Piper: While you were in the shower.
- Prue: What did you tell him?
- Piper: That you were in the shower. Bad date?
- Prue: No. No, no. Not at all. It was great. You know. Dinner. Movie. Sex.
- Piper: Excuse me? On your first date? You sleaze.
- Prue: It wasn't exactly our first date, Piper.
- Piper: High school doesn't count. That was last decade. Spill it. Ooh, that bad, huh?
- Prue: No. Actually, that good. It was... well, we were amazing, but that's not the point. I told myself that things would be different, that we would take it slow. It just shouldn't've happened, that's all.
- Phoebe: What shouldn't've happened?
- Piper: Prue slept with Andy.
- Phoebe: Hello!
- Prue: Oh, thanks a lot, mouth.
- Phoebe: Wait, you were going to tell her, but not me? Family meeting!
- Prue: Speaking of last night, what time did you end up rolling in?
- Phoebe: No no no, do not change the subject!
- Prue: Don't dodge the question!
- Piper: It must've been at least after three.
- Phoebe: I must still be on New York time.
- Prue: Actually, that would make it later.
- Andy: Come on, Prue. Listen to me. We've known each other for a long time. We just couldn't help ourselves. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
- Prue: I know, Andy.
- Andy: All we did was make love.
- Prue: I know, Andy.
- Piper: A toast to the power of three. Whether we like it or not.
- Prue: Brittany, are you alright?
- Piper: I'll call 911.
- Prue: And tell them what? That she's dying of old age at 25?
- Prue, Piper and Phoebe:
- Evil eyes, look unto thee,
- may they soon extinguished be.
- Bend thy will to the Power of Three,
- eye of earth, evil and accursed.
- Evil eyes, look unto thee,
Thank You for Not Morphing
[edit]- Prue: Some of us have a job.
- Phoebe: Some of us have fun.
- Piper: And some of us are having a really bad hair day.
- Marshall: I don't know what kind of people you're used to dealing with, but I'd lay serious coin that they aren't willing to rip you into a thousand pieces and dance in your entrails.
- Victor: Oh, so you're lawyers.
- Piper: Okay, we have to call the cops and report it as a break-in.
- Prue: And tell them what? That someone broke into our house to try and steal our broomsticks?
- Phoebe: Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we throw a party and charge admission. It’s a great way to make extra cash.
- Prue: Hey, I have an even better idea. Why don’t you just get a job?
Dead Man Dating
[edit]- Piper: Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy.
- Phoebe: It's an improvement. At least he wasn't a warlock.
- Phoebe: We’re The Charmed Ones, Prue, not The Doomed Ones.
- Prue: Phoebe, you have to save him. You can’t let him out of your sight.
- Phoebe: Oh, don’t worry. I waited until he went to sleep, and then I broke a key off in his door to lock him in. He’s safe ‘till morning. (silence) Hey, wait. That’s it? You’re not going to get mad at me?
- Prue: You were trying to do something good… and now you’re going to get to do something… wonderful. I couldn’t ask for a better birthday present than that.
- Phoebe: I am so busted, aren’t I?
- Piper: Are you out of your mind again?
- Phoebe: No. I’m the Amazing Phoebe.
- Piper: This is not funny. Our powers are supposed to be a secret, not a marketable job skill.
- Piper: I've never seen anybody killed before.
- Phoebe: Jeremy.
- Prue: Javna.
- Piper: I mean humans.
Dream Sorcerer
[edit]- Phoebe: Don't worry. We had safe sex. A lot of safe sex.
- Piper: (after trying to copy an exercise video) Uh, I give up. Two weeks and nothing strengthened but my temper.
- Prue: Piper, here's the problem. You didn't read the fine print. See, it says right here. $19.95 for the video and twenty grand for the plastic surgeon.
- Piper: So, what’s up?
- Phoebe: I, uh, I found this spell. "How to attract a lover".
- Piper: No, Phoebe. Forget it. We’re not casting any spells.
- Phoebe: Come on. There must be more to our powers than warlock wasting. I’m ready to have some fun with our magic.
- Piper: No. No personal gain, remember?
- Phoebe: How is it personal gain, if we’re using our powers to bring happiness to another person. And in my case lots and lots of happiness...
- Phoebe: You want a man who is single, smart, endowed?
- Piper: Employed.
- First Guy: Are your parents terrorists? Cause, baby, you're the bomb.
- Second Guy: Jim, Jim, ask her if it hurt when she fell.
- Phoebe: Uh, excuse me?
- Guy: When you fell from Heaven. Did it hurt? Cause I know an angel when I see one.
- Phoebe: I'm no angel. I'm a witch. But don't tell my sisters I told you.
The Wedding from Hell
[edit]- Prue: My sisters and I, we have special gifts.
- Allison Michaels: Gifts? What kind of gifts?
- Prue: Ones you can't return. Let's just say we come from an interesting kind of family tree.
- Rex: Prue, your, um, sister's here to see you. She's waiting in your office.
- Prue: Which sister?
- Rex: The one who upon seeing your office, said "Damn, I should go back to college."
- Prue: Phoebe.
- Prue: Ok, so it's time to shower, shampoo and go kick some Hecate butt.
- Phoebe: Did she just say shower?
- Piper: She did, didn't she?
- Piper & Phoebe: Hot water!
- Phoebe: Ok, I can't hold it any longer. Your name isn't Piper, and that's the good news. You're really Hecate, Queen of the Underworld, you're pregnant with a demon child, which means...I'm afraid I have to kill you.
- Piper: What?!
- Prue: Phoebe, what is it that you saw exactly?
- Phoebe: Well, I-I saw the thing being born.
- Prue: Did you see Piper?
- Phoebe: Yes, I saw her legs.
- Prue: Never saw her face?
- Phoebe: No.
- Piper: Hello, bickering sisters. I'm not pregnant but I am in the room.
The Fourth Sister
[edit]- Phoebe: Okay, Piper tell me the truth. Am I a boyfriend thief?
- Piper: Totally.
- Phoebe: Besides Roger. Whom, by the way, Prue, I never touched.
- Piper: My boyfriend, Billy Wilson.
- Phoebe: [chuckles] Bill-- Will-- Eighth grade Billy Wilson?
- Piper: You kissed him at homecoming.
- Phoebe: I did not kiss him at homecoming.
- Piper: Oh, please. You were all over him, with your breasts all...whatever.
- Phoebe: I didn't even have breasts back then.
- Piper: Phoebe, you've always had breasts.
- Piper: So you know... it's not like either one of us has a problem finding guys...
- Phoebe: Please.
- Piper: So if one of us got Leo, it'd be ok with the other one.
- Phoebe: Absolutely.
- Piper: So we can just consider this a friendly competition.
- Phoebe: Sibling rivalry.
- Piper: War.
- Phoebe: Exactly!
- Piper: Hungry?
- Leo: Uh.
- Piper: Oh, it's on the house.
- Leo: You're big on food, aren’t you?
- Piper: Uh...
- Leo: No, that's good. You know, actually, in the Mayan culture the cook was second in the hierarchy only to the medicine man.
- Piper: Mayans? You know about Mayans? Well, you certainly are a handyman, aren't you?
- Leo: Uh, so, does Phoebe work here too?
- Piper: Phoebe? Work? No, no, no, she's probably at her gay and lesbian group right about now. So what'll it be?
- Phoebe (to Leo about Piper): Oh, that's just Piper. She's got to be everyone's mom. Think of her as your mom, I know I do.
The Truth is Out There... and it Hurts
[edit]- Phoebe: Piper, what do you really think about your boss?
- Piper: I think he's a self-serving jerk who must have a very small penis...(Piper, Phoebe and Prue all gasp/laugh) Oh my God, I'm gonna be so fired!
- Prue:
- For those who want the truth revealed,
- Opened hearts and secrets unsealed,
- From now until it's now again,
- After which the memory ends.
- Those who now are in this house,
- Will hear the truth from other's mouths.
- For those who want the truth revealed,
- Andy: I don't know. I mean of all the things I thought you were hiding, this was actually nowhere on the list. Does this mean Piper and Phoebe are...
- Prue: Yeah. We inherited our powers from Mom and Grams.
- Andy: So, when you have kids...
- Prue: If they're girls...yes.
- Piper: Leo, how do you feel about women who make the first move?
- Leo: I don't know, I'm still waiting for it to happen.
- Piper: Good news.
- (Piper kisses Leo)
- Leo: How do you feel about guys who make the second move?
- Piper: Love 'em!
- Prue: I'm about to tell my boyfriend that I'm a wi...
- Phoebe: ...nner!
The Witch is Back
[edit]- Melinda Warren: How do modern women keep their legs warm?
- Prue: We drink coffee.
- Melinda Warren: "To work with One's hands is a great gift."
- Leo: Well ... "I am a true laborer. I earn that I eat, get that I wear"
- Melinda Warren: "Owe no man hate, envy no man's happiness..."
- Melinda/Leo: Shakespeare.
- Piper: Am I the only one having second thoughts?
- Phoebe: Yes.
- Prue: We don't really have any others options.
- Piper: But aren't we, like, raising the dead? What if she's all..
- Phoebe: I read The Book of Shadows very carefully. She will come back as a real live person, flesh and blood. She will have her powers too, our powers. (Phoebe picks up a knife.)
- Piper: What's that for?
- Phoebe: Well, the spell works by blood calling blood, so it shouldn't hurt.. much. (Phoebe cuts her finger.) I lied, I lied. Okay, come on guys. It'll be just like the summer by the lake. Remember when we made a blood oath to be friends forever, not just sisters? (Prue takes the knife.)
- Piper: I remember my finger got infected.
- Prue: (Prue cuts her finger.) Ow. Yeah, but the oath worked.
- Piper: And I couldn't go in the water for three weeks. (Prue holds out the knife.) Don't hand me that knife.
- Prue: How are you gonna cut yourself?
- Piper: I'm not.
- Phoebe: Piper.
- Piper: I can't stand the sight of blood.
- Prue: Evil beings have blown up in our attic..
- Phoebe: ..Disintegrated to dust right before our very eyes..
- Prue: And you're afraid of a little drop of blood?
- Melinda: No, don’t...don’t rip the dress to make it fit me.
- Phoebe: Oh, no, no, I’m not ripping it. It’s called a zipper, see?(Phoebe zips up the dress)
- Melinda: Oh, a wise witch made this.(Melinda takes the dress off of Phoebe and plays with the zipper)
- Phoebe: Yeah, and wise witches in this century keep a low profile. You slip this dress on, you’ll blend right in.
- Phoebe: You've never asked a guy out before?
- Piper: Not on a real date, no
- Phoebe: I don't understand. Am I the only person in this family who's inherited the 'take a chance' gene?
- Piper: Probably, 'cause if I remember my biology correctly it's attached to the 'can't mind my own business' gene.
Wicca Envy
[edit]- Prue: Somebody must have manipulated me into taking it.
- Phoebe: The same way someone manipulated me into being a witness against my own sister!
- Darryl: Any idea about what they're talking about?
- Andy: Not a clue.
- (After Piper and Leo have spent the night together)
- Phoebe: Between you and Leo, and Prue the new-hot-Wicca woman, and me, soon to be employed, things are looking up.
- Piper: Don't say that! The moment somebody says that everything always goes south!
- Phoebe: Unless you freeze him. Ooh! I couldn't help it, it was so good!
- Phoebe: Prue was right about Rex, which means I'm dating a warlock!
- Piper: Been there, done that!
- Phoebe: Problems?
- Prue: What problems?
- Piper: Well, it's been a while since, you know, I-I was a little nervous, and I kinda kept freezing him.
- Prue: Piper, you didn't?
- Piper: I didn't mean to...the first time.
- Phoebe: Oh!
- Piper: I thought you guys were supposed to be shopping.
- Prue: Obviously.
- Phoebe (points): Oh, look, front-clasped bra. She means business.
- Prue: Ooh, serious business.
- Piper: (pulls her shirt closed) Do you mind?
- Phoebe: No, are you kidding? I think it's great -- as long as he's not still on the clock.
Feats of Clay
[edit]- Prue: The Guardian punishes the greedy, so maybe if Clay does something selfless, it'll even the score.
- Piper: Good luck...
- Prue: Seasons change, people don't...
- Phoebe: I changed. Do you remember what you thought of me before I walked back through that door?
- Prue: That's different.
- Phoebe: How is that different?
- Prue: You're my sister.
- Coroner: I found someone's business card in his pocket. Buckland's Auction House.
- Andy: (cutting him off) Ah. Let me guess, Prue Halliwell?
- Coroner: Yeah. How did you know?
- Andy: I'm cursed.
- Phoebe: Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you here, with me, now?
- Clay: What, can't a guy visit?
- Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not just a guy, you're Clay, and Clay comes with strings attached.
The Wendigo
[edit]- Phoebe (talking on the phone with Piper): Okay, you put the jack under the jeep and then put the handle in the base and ratchet it up and down, okay? It's very easy.
- Piper: Handle. Handle. I don't think I got a handle. Wait, there's a long wooden spoon in the back.
- Phoebe: (talking to Prue) That's not gonna work. She's looking for a long wooden spoon.
- Piper: Oh, my God, that's a lot of blood.
- Prue: Hey, sweetie.
- Phoebe: Oh, my God! Are you okay?
- Piper: Yeah, I'm fine. If I pass out and I need a transfusion, I'm AB negative. It's very rare. It could be a problem.
- Andy: Try not to look at it. And just so you know, I'm AB negative too. Plus, I love good food. Perfect donor.
- Piper: Nothing. This is just the same crap I've already seen.
- Prue: I tried Andy's cell phone, no answer.
- Phoebe: We can't find anything about revearsing the Wendigo thing.
- Prue: Well, there's got to be something. Oh, didn't you check this at the bottom of the page? "c.f. Desiderata."
- Phoebe: Yeah, like we're supposed to know what that means.
- Prue: Well, it means "conferred desiderata." It's Latin for "look up things that are yearned for."
- Piper: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so very smart.
- Prue: Piper.
- Piper: Don't Piper me. Just shut up!
- Prue: But we might have to confine you until we get back. So tie you down, I guess.
- Piper: No! Go to hell!
- Prue: Do we have any chains?
- Phoebe: I actually think I have something. (walks in with handcuffs)
- Prue: Where did you get the--? Never mind.
- Phoebe: ...besides, that's your world, I need to find one of my own.
- Prue: You will.
- Piper: Just stay out of my world or I'll kill you!
- (Phoebe frowns and Prue stares at her confused, Piper starts getting up)
- Piper: Just kidding, it's a joke!
From Fear to Eternity
[edit]- Andy: What would you do if you were in my shoes?
- Prue: First of all, no one should ever be in those shoes.
Secrets and Guys
[edit]- Leo: Oh, well, I thought I'd tell her that, uh, you know, as much as I love her and as much as I would like to stay in San Francisco, I can't, a-and I don't know how long my work will keep me away.
- Phoebe: No, no. What you just said was as much as you would love to stay and have sex with her, you have a wife and kids in another part of the country. Try again.
- Leo: Uh... (chuckles) Piper, um, you know how much you mean to me, and more than anything, I wish things can work out, but, they can't... and no one is more sorry than me.
- Phoebe: (shakes her head) Translation? I found someone I like even better.
- Leo: I'm completely confused.
- Phoebe: Look, Leo, it's not that complicated. Okay, um, just avoid the following: We can still hang out; I don't deserve you... yet; I need more "me time" before we can have "we time" (makes air quotes), and my personal favorite: It's not you, it's me. And whatever you do, do not start of the conversation with "we need to talk", other than that you'll do fine.
- Piper (about Leo) : It just seemed like he wasn't telling me the whole story, like he had some secret he was afraid I couldn't handle.
- Phoebe: Well, that's his call. Assuming that he had a secret. Might not have.
- Piper: What are you talking about?
- Phoebe: Ok, ok, you don't have to beat it out of me. Leo is a whitelighter. They're sort of guardian angels for witches. And they're not supposed to get involved with witches, but Leo couldn't help it. He fell in love with you, and that broke all the rules and got him in all sorts of trouble. And even though he'll love you forever, you will probably never see him again.
- Piper: What? Phoebe, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Oh, God. Don't be so silly.
- Phoebe: That's me, silly.
- Piper: And looky here, miss Phoebe's diaries...
- Phoebe: The place where I kept all my secrets...
- (Piper and Prue stare at her with a suspicious look)
- Piper: What?
- Prue: The place where you kept your secrets?
- (Phoebe nods)
- Piper: Phoebe, you could never keep a secret...
- Phoebe: Oh, that is so not true.
- Leo: In the meantime, you must help me keep my secret or I can get into trouble, ok? Piper and Prue can never know what I really am.
- Phoebe: Me keep a secret? Hello, wrong Halliwell!
Is There a Woogy in the House?
[edit]- Piper: You're the only Halliwell that actually likes earthquakes.
- Prue: I don't like them, but I don't go running through the house naked screaming "run for your life" either.
- Phoebe: Okay. That is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers.
- Piper: I can handle it all myself. It’s me, the culinary pachyderm.
- Phoebe:
- I am light,
- I am one too strong to fight,
- Return to dark where shadows dwell,
- You can not have this Halliwell.
- Go away and leave my sight,
- And take with you this endless night.
- I am light,
Which Prue is it Anyway?
[edit]- Prue: You know, someday you might actually hear yourself say stuff like that.
- Phoebe: Yes, and I will find myself sassy and delightful.
- Piper: This is ridiculous. This is like, this is like the 'Parent Trap' with a B cup.
- Phoebe: I think I might've just found a way to take some of the Disney out of our life
That '70s Episode
[edit]- Piper: I don't know. Maybe only one set of us can have powers at the same time in the same time.
- Prue: Thank you Mr Spock.
- Grams: It was doomed from the start. You never even took his last name!
- Patty: You wouldn't let me.
- Grams: Well that's beside the point.
- Grams: Oh Patty, I just KNEW I'd deliver the Charmed Ones.
- (Patty makes a face)
- Grams: Oh, well, once removed of course...
- Grams: What's the secret ingredient in my blueberry cobbler?
- Piper: Honey, and a splash of rum.
- Piper: We didn't go anywhere. We were just standing here, and the next thing we knew...
- Phoebe: We were just standing here.
- Patty: I told you to use poplar buds.
- Grams: It's a perfectly good spell. I mean, it moved them through time.
- Patty: Yeah, ten seconds.
When Bad Warlocks Turn Good
[edit]- Prue: Hey, um, you can sleep in my room and I'll sleep with Piper.
- Brendan: Why?
- Prue: Because Phoebe kicks.
- Piper: (peeks into the hall) It's clear.
- (Piper walks out, followed by Phoebe, then Prue, then Brendan in his vestments. As they are walking, Greg and Paul come out from around a corner.)
- Greg: You betrayed us, little brother. I'm very disappointed.
- Brendan: Leave them out of this, Greg.
- Greg: You're protecting witches now?! You make me sick!
- Piper: Prue?
- Prue: Now!
- (Piper tries to freeze Greg, but he raises a force field around him. Phoebe picks up Brendan's knife and throws it at Greg, but Greg raises a force field around him and it bounces off. Prue tries to throw them into the wall, but it has no effect due to the force fields.)
- Greg: No, not this time. I'm ready for you. (picks up the knife) But family first.
- Brendan: You want me? Come get me.
- (Greg grabs the knife and is ready to throw it, but Paul stops him)
- Paul: Greg, wait!
- Prue: Brendan, don't let them turn you. Don't use your powers.
- Paul: (to Greg) Give him a chance. (turns to Brendan) It's not too late, you can still join us.
- Greg: You are either with us or you are against us!
- Brendan: Then I'm against you.
- Greg: Then you will die. (he throws the knife at Brendan, but Paul jumps in front and the knife goes into him instead) Damn you, Brendan!
- Paul: No, Greg. (he pulls the knife out of him) Damn you! (He throws the knife and hits Greg, and both slump over dead)
- Phoebe: If you were going to lose a guy, it might as will be to the Big Guy.
Out of Sight
[edit]- Phoebe: Then what's wrong with being a couple?
- Piper: Well, I thought Leo and I were a couple and then we...coupled and he took off.
- Prue: Oops, Busted!
- Eric Lumen: Do you really think so?
- (Prue swishes her hand then the grass cutter flew to Lumen's car, thus deflating the tires.)
- Eric Lumen: I-I..you did that! I-I..I saw that...
- Prue: Really? Prove it.
- (Prue making the potion to vanquish the Grimlocks.)
- Prue: I feel like I should be cackling.
- Prue: Look Andy, will you please just get her out here?
- Andy: Prue, I'm not leaving the two of you alone.
- Prue: Do I have to use my power on you?
- Andy: I'll meet you up on the street.
The Power of Two
[edit]- Prue: I hate cemeteries at night.
- Phoebe: I hate cemeteries at day.
- (They hear a noise.)
- Phoebe: What was that?
- Prue: Probably a zombie or a vampire.
- Phoebe: Great, where's Buffy when you need her?
- Piper: Prue, have you seen my purse?
- Prue: In the kitchen. Have you seen my keys?
- Piper: They're by the T.V. I can't find my plane ticket. Did I give it to you?
- Prue: Maybe you packed it.
- Piper: I didn't just pack it, I just saw it.
- (Phoebe holds Piper's plane ticket and tries to have a premonition. It works.)
- Phoebe: I can't believe it.
- Prue: (snatches Piper's plane ticket off Phoebe.) Found it.
- Phoebe: I've been practicing how to call a premonition, and I did it. I saw a future event on command. Oh, and that's the good news. The bad news is... I saw you missing your flight.
- Piper: Oh, great.
Love Hurts
[edit]- Phoebe: Okay, you know, you guys take for granted that I'm your innocent yellow pages. Okay, this takes work.
- Phoebe: Okay, it's not that easy to break me.
- Prue: What was it in high school that the guys started calling you after they caught you making out with someone under the bleachers?
- Phoebe: It's not gonna work.
- Prue: What was that? Oh yeah, Freebie! (the magazines on a rack spin around and fall off) Well, class over.
- Phoebe: You know that was just a rumor, right?
- Phoebe: Okay Leo, I brought you some... You do eat right?
- Leo: Yes Phoebe, I eat.
- Leo: Being with her broke the rules. Not being with her breaks my heart.
Déjà Vu All Over Again
[edit]- Piper: What am I supposed to say? That I'm a cash strapped, single, restaurant manager, who still lives in the same house I grew up in with my sisters?
- Phoebe: And the cat, don't forget our cat.
- Rodriguez: Prue Halliwell...is a witch.
- Andy: A witch, huh? You wait here, I'll go warn the Wizard of Oz.
- Rodriguez: Bottom line, I know my partner was killed by a supernatural being and I think Prue Halliwell can help me figure out who did it.
- Andy: Really? Well, I'll just get the Commissioner to signal Batman and then I'll get right on it.
- Prue:
- Winds of time gather round,
- Give me wings to speed my way,
- Rush me on my journey forward,
- Let tomorrow be today.
- Winds of time gather round,
- Andy: Has Phoebe ever been wrong about her premonitions before?
- Prue: No. But the good news is every other time we've been able to affect the outcome. Stop the demon or warlock before...
- Andy: Before I get killed. Can I get that in writing?
Season 2
[edit]Witch Trial
[edit]- Phoebe: Hello? Anybody home? Sister witches, guess what?
- Piper: Oh, oh. Are you nuts?
- Phoebe: What are you doing?
- Rob: Hi.
- Phoebe: Hi.
- (Piper freezes Rob.)
- Piper: Ooh!
- Phoebe: Hi.
- Piper: Sister witches? I can't believe you said that. What's the matter with you?
- Phoebe: How was I supposed to know that you were gonna be here with anybody? Last I heard that you were meeting a banker friend about the loan. Is this the credit check?
- Piper: Are you out of your mind?
- Phoebe: What was I supposed to do? Say no? Look at that poor girl.
- Dan: Jenny? Jenny, come on. Talk to me.
- Prue, Piper and Phoebe: Whoa!
- Phoebe: What have we got to lose, okay?
- Piper: Well, apparently we've got our clothes to lose.
- Phoebe: I see that. [drags Piper towards the rock and starts to undress]
- Piper: No. Whoa, whoa, wait, what are you doing?
- Phoebe: When in Rome...
- Piper: No, no, no! We're not in Rome, Phoebe, we're in California, and it's illegal here!
Morality Bites
[edit]- Phoebe: Wow, what did you buy?
- Piper: Doody.
- Prue: We weren't out of that.
- Piper: No. I stepped in it, again. That man has turned our frontwalk into puppy main field.
- Phoebe: I can not believe that guy still lets his dog do his business right in front of our house.
- Prue: Well, we've left notes.
- Piper: Yes, and that left no where.
- Phoebe: Yes, well, I've had it. Next time I catch him in the act I'm gonna get him a piece of my mind.
- Piper: That couldn't be.
- Phoebe: Oh, I hope it is.
- Piper: That's them. That's a guy and his dog. I can't believe it.
- Prue: That is so rude. He's just gonna walk away.
- Phoebe: Then don't let him. Use your magic.
- Piper: Uh?
- Phoebe: Well, if you can't teach the dog new tricks, how about the owner? Just think on the money we'll save on carpet cleaning alone.
- Prue: Phoebe, we can't use our magic just to teach him or anybody else a lesson.
- Phoebe: Why not? It's for the greater good. I mean that's our job, right? Think of it as a community service. We will do a whole block a favor. Come on! Ok, Piper.
- Piper: Hope he's not out of my range.
- Phoebe: Prue?
- Piper: Nice shot.
- Phoebe: An eye for an eye, a shoe for shoe. Oh, oh.
- Prue: Did he see you?
- Phoebe: So what if he did? What's he gonna do? Cry a witch? (the girls turn away from the window) Well, we've done our good deed for the day. I think I deserve 15 minutes of channel surfing.
- Piper: Who wants coffee?
- Prue: I'll grind.
- Phoebe: (gasps)
- Prue: Phoebe, are you okay?
- Piper: Take a deep breathe, honey. It's all right.
- Phoebe: No, it's not. I saw my future. I was being executed. Burned alive.
- Piper: Why would a report about baseball player trigger a premonition like that?
- Phoebe: I don't know. All I know is that I could feel it. I could feel the fire.
- Piper: And we were just standing there? That can't be right.
- Phoebe: That's what I saw.
- Prue: There's no way that we would let that happen. Not in the past, present or future.
- Phoebe: What did I do? Or, what is it that I'm going to do?
- Piper: That's Leo, I'll get that. (she opens the door) Hey, stranger.
- Leo: Is that what I am now?
- Piper: Mhm. Playing hooky?
- Leo: Well, they're making me work tonight, so I got the afternoon off.
- Piper: Mmm, the old "gotta save the world" excuse again?
- Leo: Oh, like you've never had to use it. (Piper hesitates) You're about to use it.
- Piper: Well, there is just something I have to do. Maybe you could...
- Leo: (jingling, Leo looks up) Now?
- Piper: Leo?
- Leo: That's okay, I...You go, there's actually something I have take care, so...
- Piper: Well, we really need to talk about things, you know about... where we stand.
- Leo: Yeah, we do. Rain check?
- Piper: That's what we do best. (they kiss, but Leo orbs mid-kiss) I hate when he does that.
- Prue: (going up to the attic) So, what did he want?
- Piper: To cancel our date. He's working late, again.
- Phoebe: You didn't ask him what we should do?
- Piper: He had to fly, literally. The pages are doing that flipping thing on their own again.
- Prue: It's a spell to take us to the future.
- Piper: Two, actually. One to send us and one to bring us home. But, apparently we only get one shot. Once we use it, they disappear.
- Phoebe: Wait a minute you guys. We almost died going back to the past, this is not something that you just do.
- Prue: We're talking about your life, Phoebe.
- Phoebe: And I'm talking about yours, Prue. I'm just saying, I think that we should think this over a little bit.
- Prue: Look, you had that premonition today for a reason. It must mean we're supposed to do something about it. And, going in the future may be the only way to find out what you did to put you on that pyre.
- Phoebe: How do you know it's something that I did? I mean, it might be a demon or a warlock that puts me there.
- Prue: Do you really wanna wait to find out? Okay, pack your bags. We go, try and figure out what happened, and hopefully come back with enough information to stop it. We're gonna need a date, Phoebe.
- Phoebe: Uh, February 12th 2009. That's two weeks before the date I saw in my premonition.
- Prue: All right, that should give to us more than enough time to figure out what put you there.
- Piper: I wonder how I look.
- Phoebe: Piper, you look great. This is hardly the time to...
- Piper: Not now, in the future. When we were back to the seventies we saw ourselves as kids, and now we'll be seeing ourselves walking around ten years older? All the vanquishing? Think about the wear and tear.
- Prue: Okay, well...
- Prue: Hear these words, hear the rhyme,
- Piper: We send to you this burning sign,
- Phoebe: Then our future selves we'll find,
- Prue: In another place and time.
- Melinda: Mommy, mommy, mommy!
- Piper: Uh, you... I think you have the wrong house. Certainly the wrong mommy.
- Melinda: Stop fooling! Carpool!
- (Piper sees newscast about Phoebe)
- Piper: Phoebe? Where's the volume?
- TV: Command recognized.
- Melinda: Mommy, I'm gonna be late!
- Piper: Uh, okay! Um...TV, shut up! Mute! Something. (she walks to the door)
- Carpool Neighbor: Morning, Piper. You alright?
- Piper: I guess.
- Carpool Neighbor: Yeah, it's a... with your sister, it's rough, I know. So, don't worry about your little one. I'll get her to school like you asked but uh, you sure you want me to take her to your ex's?
- Piper: Ex? As in husband? As in mine? Yes, if that is what I told you, then yes.
- Carpool Neighbor: So, you and he are getting along better now?
- Piper: Maybe. Prue? Prue?!
- Carpool Neighbor: Okay, let's hit the road.
- Melinda: (She goes, but turns back, and whispers) Don't worry, mommy. I promise I'll do what you asked. I won't use my magic again, ever.
- (Piper goes outside and watches them drive off. A limo pulls up. Prue and her assistants get out of the limo. They fuss over her by brushing and touching her.)
- Prue: Hey, hey, people. Okay, enough! People stop touching me! Stay, stay.
- Piper: Prue, what's going on?
- Prue: I don't know, but I could really get used to it. I mean, check me out. I don't just work at Bucklands, I own it. And three more. Paris, Tokyo and London.
- Piper: And you're blonde.
- Prue: Yeah, strange.
- Piper: Wait, you had time to get to work already?
- Prue: Well, actually, I woke up there but it was amazing. I had all these assistants and this huge office. And I have a chauffeur and he's so totally hot. Uh... How'd you do?
- (Piper ironically laughs)
- Prue: Is that a good thing or...?
- (Piper and Prue get in the house)
- Piper: Well if you ignore my apparently failed marriage and the fact that I'm still living in the manor...
- Prue: Wait, you are married?
- Piper: Was. My daughter is on her way...
- Prue: Wait. Stop right there. You have a daughter?
- Piper: Yeah. And, and, and... she's... she's beautiful.
- Prue: Oh, of course she is. What's her name?
- Piper: Oh God! I don't know. But Prue, she... she has powers. But for some reason I told her not to use them. Why would I do that?
- Prue: Uh, speaking of why... Why are we in our future bodies? I mean, I thought we were just supposed to come here and see them.
- Piper: Well, apparently going to the past isn't the same as going to the future. I just wish that, since we are in our future bodies, we could have some memory of what's happened in the last ten years, like how I got a daughter!
- Prue: Okay, wait a second. If I'm in my future body, and you are in your future body, then that means that Phoebe...
- Piper: Oh, TV! Louder, louder!
- TV: Command recognized.
- (in the middle of TV report)
- Piper: Eight hours? We were supposed to be here two weeks before!
- Prue: Shhhh!
- Prue: Oh, surprise! Here we go, up the stairs, into the attic, grabing the Book of Shadows. Please tell me we're still not gonna be doing this in ten years!
- Piper: Apparently not.
- Prue: What?
- Piper: The Book is gone.
- Prue: There's gotta be here. We need it to find a return spell.
- Piper: Prue...
- Prue: Piper, just help me look for it.
- Piper: Okay, relax, we'll find it.
- Prue: You don't know that! I mean, what if it's lost? What if we can't find it? Then we're stuck in our future bodies, with no way of getting out of them, and no way of saving Phoebe!
- (Prue blows up things on the attic with her improved telekinisis.)
- Piper: Uh... Been working out?
- Prue: Well, I guess that's a little example of what ten years does to our powers.
- Piper: And to our attic!
- Prue: Hm.
- Piper: The key.
- Prue: It's the key of my wallsafe at Bucklands.
- Piper: Do you think that means it's there? We've never taken the Book out of the house before.
- Prue: Yeah, we haven't, but maybe our future selves have. The question is why.
- Piper: We don't even know what we're like in this time for let alone what we think. But if the Book is at Bucklands maybe it will give us some answers.
- Prue. All right, then we go there first, then to Phoebe, to see if she's alright. Sorry about the mess.
- Piper: Mhm...
- Piper: I can't believe you get a limo and a driver, and I still got my same old car.
- Prue: You have a husband.
- Piper: Had a husband, you mean. I'm getting divorced, remember? And how do you know you don't have a guy in this time? I mean, after all, I have a kid and an ex, you could have several.
- Prue: Ex's?
- Piper: No, kids. I mean, we're in a future, but with no memory of the past ten years. I don't even know who my ex husband...
- (A man holding a cup of coffee bumps into someone and Piper freezes him before it spills. They look around and notice everything is frozen.)
- Prue: Okay, apparently my power isn't the only one that's grown. You just froze...
- Piper: Everything! What a difference a decade makes.
- Leo: What the hell are you doing?!
- Piper: Leo, I'm so glad you're here. I have so many... (She goes to hug him but he backs away.) Uh...what's wrong?
- Leo: You know, I knew you'd do something stupid like this. You used you magic in public. What's the matter with you? Are you insane?
- Piper: Uh, Leo...
- Prue: Remember, he thinks we know what's going on.
- Leo: You wanna end up like your sister? Huh? We had an agreement. No using magic for Melinda's sake.
- Piper: Melinda?
- Leo: Our daughter. What's wrong with you?
- Piper: Our daughter?
- Prue: Wait a second, you're Piper's ex?
- Phoebe: Prue? Piper?
- Pratt: They haven't been to visit you before. Why would they come now? No... They're going to be as happy to get rid of you as I am.
- Phoebe: Who are you?
- Pratt: (laughs) I'm sorry, it's been so long since my last visit. Executions are bitched to plan: logistics, alerting the media, gathering the kindling.
- Phoebe: Uh... you know, I've had a lot of time to do some thinking about... why I'm here.
- Pratt: Well... no matter thinking will change the outcome. Justice will be served for your crime.
- Phoebe: But it wasn't really a big crime, was it?
- Pratt: You are truly evil. What bigger crime is there than taking a man's life?
- Phoebe: (seems shocked) I killed someone?
- Pratt: (laughs) Phoebe, what is this? An attempt to stay your execution? Play insanity? Won't work. You have five hours to live - tik tok.
- Phoebe: What? Five hours? But that's not possible.
- Pratt: Well... I'm happy to see the seriousness of your crime has finally hit you. See... you represent everything I apore. You're a threat. A danger to everything that is good and pure in our world.
- Phoebe: You're talking out of fear. Just because you don't understand something doesn't make it evil.
- Pratt: No, it's you who doesn't understand! You killed the man using your power, and now you're gonna die because of it! I only wish that I can burn all of your kind with you! But don't worry... in time I will. This is only the beginning.
- Leo: Nobody's gonna rescue you.
- Phoebe: If that is some kind of Whitelighter humor, let me be the first to tell you, you are not a very funny race of people.
- Leo: I wish you remembered what you'd done. It'd make this so much easier. Your future self used witchcraft for vengeance, Phoebe. Pratt is using that as a platform.
- Phoebe: Why does everyone think I killed someone? I wouldn't. I mean, I couldn't. What did I do? Premonition the man to death? My power is passive.
- Leo: Not in the future. It's grown. It's changed. As have you. Which means unfortunately you have to suffer to consequences.
- Phoebe: I don't believe it.
- Piper: What is it? What's wrong?
- Prue: I have no one to say goodbye to. My life...they didn't even know who you were at the office, my own sister. If we die tonight, my tombstone will read "Here lies Prue, she worked hard."
- Piper: We're not gonna die. We're gonna find a way back to the present and we'll create a new future.
- Prue: What if we can't? What if we can never get home? According to Phoebe's premonition we fail.
- Piper: Our future selves fail. We still got a shot.
- Prue: You're right, you're right. Let's go get Phoebe.
- Pratt: Let today be a lesson to all those who would seek to defy human nature with their way of life. Let today serve notice that black magic will not be tolerated in our society, and let today be remembered as the day we burned the witch!
- Prue: Piper, freeze him!
- Phoebe: Prue! Piper!
- Piper: Come on, we're getting you out of here.
- Phoebe: No, wait. You can't. Prue, I'm serious.
- Prue: What are you talking about?
- Phoebe: You guys have to leave. I...deserve to be here. Or, my future self does.
- Piper: But, you killed a killer. Don't be ridiculous.
- Prue: Look, this is Pratt's personal crusade. This isn't about us, this is about him. Wherever we go, he will follow us. He will hunt us. He will hunt our families. If anybody should be punished, it should be him. (she stops, and raises her hand to move Pratt onto the pyre)
- Phoebe: Prue, what are you doing?!
- Prue: (she stares at her hand, and back at Pratt) Saving the future for good witches, and our future.
- Phoebe: (grabs Prue's arm) Prue, wait! (Prue looks at her) Don't. Don't become a murderer too. It has to end with me. (Prue lowers her hand)
- Piper: Phoebe, he was evil. He deserved what you—
- Phoebe: (starting to cry) Wrong thing done for the right reason...still the wrong thing. Our job is to protect the innocent...not punish the guilty, and...I crossed that line, and I know that. And now you guys have to know that too.
- Prue: We are not leaving here without you.
- Phoebe: Prue, we were sent here for a reason. Maybe not to stop this, like what we thought, but maybe to understand why this has to happen. Why you have to let this happen. (openly crying now) I don't wanna die, but I don't want you to die because of me. (they hug, and Phoebe begins sobbing) I love you. (she goes back to the pyre, and nods for Piper to unfreeze Pratt, which Piper does. She screams in pain as she burns).
The Painted World
[edit]- Piper: What?
- Prue: We were talking?
- Piper: I know. About a man in a painting. Listen to this one. "Hallway near club entrance too narrow"?
- Prue: I thought that we had discussed your code violations.
- Piper: Well, I keep finding more. The plumbing, the electrical, the heating, it...none of it is up code.
- Prue: Stop. You’re obsessing.
- Piper: Well, it runs in the family.
- Prue: I don't obsess. I think... intensely... anyway, I can't really help it. I mean, we've seen so many bizarre things, why not a man in a painting.
- Dan: Ok, then, um, I'll tell you what I can do. I'll check out the code violations. See how serious they really are. If you'll help me with the promise I made Jenny.
- Piper: Deal. Wait... Uh, what's the promise?
- Dan: She needs help with a paper. It's for a bio class, something with the human reproductive system.
- Piper: You mean sex?
- Dan: It's just way too awkward for me to talk with my niece about.
- Piper: Yeah, huh...Sure, not to worry! I have plenty of experience.
- Dan: Really! With sex.
- Piper: No! I mean.. talking about it. Yeah!
- Phoebe:
- Spirits send the words, from all across the land;
- Allow me to absorb them, through the touch of either hand.
- For twenty-four hours, from seven to seven,
- I will understand all meaning of the words from here to heaven.
- And, uh, p.s. there will be no personal gain.
- Spirits send the words, from all across the land;
- Malcolm: I always hoped someone would get my SOS, but I never thought it would be a woman.
- Prue: What, a woman can't rescue a man?
- Malcolm: I'm still waiting.
- Prue: Yeah well keep waiting pal.
- Piper: Wait. What does this mean? "Absolvo Amitto Amplus Brevis Semper Mea". Phoebe! Help!
- Phoebe: Piper, no!
- Piper: Phoebeee!
- Phoebe: Piper?
- Piper: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
- Prue: Piper?
- Piper: What the hell is happening? Where are we?
- Prue: All right, hurry. Just get to the bookcase fast.
- Piper: Whahhh!
- Prue: Watch out.
- Piper: Uhh!!! Whoa!!! Whoa!!! Wow!!!
- Malcolm: Don't tell me she's the sister witch who was gonna save us.
The Devil's Music
[edit]- Chris Barker: Speaking of getting off the ground, that plane trip to Paris is still on open for discussion isn't it? Hasn't that raincheck burned a hole in your pocket by now?
- Prue: Look I really appreciate your offer
- Chris Barker: It's not an offer Prue, it's a dinner request.
- Prue: In Paris!
- Chris Barker:You know what they call french bread in France?
- Prue: Bread.
- Chris Barker: Exactly!
- Piper: Phoebe, we can't even give our cat a vitamin, how are we going to get this down a demon's throat?
- Phoebe: In this.
- Piper: What is that?
- Phoebe: It's a balloon.
- Piper: Okay, where is it?
- Phoebe: Where's what?
- Piper: The spoonful of sugar big enough to hide that thing.
- Phoebe: You're looking at her.
She's a Man, Baby, a Man!
[edit]- Piper: Lives are at stake Prue, innocent men are going to die. We're your sisters, Prue, we're not going to laugh.
- Prue: (comes out of the bathroom, dressed as a guy) How can I save anyone? Okay, I look ridiculous, I am wearing clothes from the ex-boyfriends pile, I have hair in strange places and I have a PENIS! (as Phoebe starts giggling) This is so not funny!
- Phoebe: Hahahaha.
- Dating service worker: What do you look for in a woman?
- Dan: What do I look for? I don't know, I'm old-fashioned I guess, I look for the girl next door. Someone with a good heart, and personality and looks to match. The kind of girl that, when I leave for work in the morning, I wait just a little bit 'till she leaves for work too, just to catch a glimpse of that long dark hair and great smile. Hoping that maybe, one day, she'll notice that I'm watching and she'll smile back at me.
- Phoebe: It didn't start happening until she sucker-punched Owen.
- Prue: Well you had a problem, I fixed it.
- Phoebe: Oh, you bet your butt you did. You nearly broke his jaw.
- Prue: I saved his life. Look, you're the one who told me I had to practice being a man, right, so I acted on instinct. And to tell you the truth, the moment I hit him, I felt powerful and strong like somehow that made me a man.
- Piper: You want to know how to be a real man, look at Dan. Honest, kind, good heart. The type of guy who would risk being late for work just to make you smile, not some bully who walks around thinking one punch is going to change anything.
- Prue: She learned all that just from looking out a window.
- Phoebe: Oh yeah, nice body, great tan.
- Prue: Awesome truck.
- Phoebe: You know I think you really are becoming a man.
- Prue: She knocked me out guys, I mean really, it was like I was in a trance, I was weak in the knees. And for a moment I felt her need not to be rejected, as though it would devastate her.
- Phoebe: Great, we're dealing with a sensitive man-killing demon.
That Old Black Magic
[edit]- Leo: 200 years ago a good witch turned evil, started using her craft against innocents. Fortunately she was tricked into a cave and entombed, but unfortunately, this morning, Tuatha escaped.
- Phoebe: Tuatha, who wouldn't go bad with a name like that!
They're Everywhere
[edit]- Dr. Stone: Did you find Eric?
- Another warlock: No.
- Dr. Stone: Not good. He's being protected by a time-freezing witch.
- Another warlock: And Bruce Lee's little sister.
- Dan: Someday, somehow, I'm going to make it through that damn door.
- Prue: They really shouldn't have given us the finger.
- Piper: You read my mind.
P3 H2O
[edit]- Prue: I know somebody who can see anything.
- Phoebe: Oh, no. Wait a minute. You tiptoe around the subject of Mom, you deny looking like her, you can’t even go to the end of that dock because you’re afraid to walk in her footsteps and now you want me to relive her last moments? How is that fair?
- Prue: It’s not. None of this is. Mom’s death, Sam’s guilt. But I’m asking you to help me end it.
Ms. Hellfire
[edit]- Phoebe: Remember, I taught you how to french kiss.
- Piper: You broke your ankle when you were seven. Come on Prue, we went to Duran Duran together, you stretched out my leg warmers.
- Phoebe: And then you gave them to me.
Heartbreak City
[edit]- Phoebe: Fifth wheel cutting in.
- Piper: Oh would you stop that.
- Phoebe: Well it is a double date.
- Prue: It would have been a triple date if Kevin hadn't cancelled.
- Phoebe: I know, it seems to be an epidemic lately, guys cancelling on me.
- Piper: You know what happens when they cancel?
- Prue: Ooh, back to square one!
- Piper: Do not pass go
- Phoebe: And all accrued nookies credits are thrown out!
- Jack: There's a penalty?
- Prue, Piper & Phoebe: Oh Yeah!
- Prue: So we're actually supposed to believe that you're Cupid?
- Cupid: You believe in warlocks and demons but you can't believe in me?
- Piper: Where's the chubby baby?
- Phoebe: Guys.
- Prue: And the bow and arrow?
- Cupid: Where's the warty chins, hooked noses and pointy hats?
- Piper: You're still gonna have to back up the Cupid claim.
- Cupid: Okay, fine. (he points to Piper) Dan, (points to Prue) Jack, (points to Phoebe) Clay (points to Prue) Andy. My sincerest condolences. Eric in London, Alec in college, (points to Piper) Not Jeremy the warlock, Joe in college, Barry in high school, Tim in eighth grade, (points to Phoebe) Ken, Kyle, Steve, Mike, Ken again, Brian, Joel, (Prue and Piper look at Phoebe surprised) Martin, Peter, Paul, Tony.
- Drazi: (scoffs at Cupid) Hiding behind witches' skirts?
- Piper: Stealing things that don't belong to you?
Reckless Abandon
[edit]- Prue: We have a baby?
- Piper: Phoebe picked it up at the police station.
- Prue: Okay, I thought you were going to request a job, not a kid.
- Phoebe: Piper, you'll be fine, don't be afraid.
- Prue: Yeah, Just think of it as a test run.
- Piper: I don't need a test run. I remember when Phoebe was a baby, and it was hard on Mom, and endless, and with you dropping her all the time!
- Phoebe: What?!
- Prue: Oh, moving on!
- Prue: I thought that babies slept. A lot.
- Phoebe: Yeah, obviously one of those lies they tell you so you'll want to get pregnant.
Awakened
[edit]- Piper: Wait, you enrolled? Phoebe, this is huge.
- Phoebe: Hugest thing I've done since I came back home. I mean, aside from vanquishing demons, and saving the world from evil, of course!
Animal Pragmatism
[edit]- Piper: Why do we seem to have a habit of gathering our men at the scene of a supernatural smackdown?
- Phoebe: I want you all to know that I'm a vegetarian, so I've never eaten any of you!
Pardon My Past
[edit]- Prue: Great party. We should do this more often.
- Piper: Yeah. Maybe next time we can trim the guest list by one.
- Prue: Piper. I had to invite Leo. He was at the club when I went to go pick up the supplies. He knew that we were throwing a party.
- Piper: Well, didn't you think maybe he'd feel a little awkward being here because of Dan?
- Prue: It doesn't look like he feels too awkward to me. Look, Piper, he's been mortal for what? A couple of weeks now? I mean, I felt bad for him. He doesn't know anybody and it's not like there's a fallen Whitelighters support group to join or anything.
- Piper: Prue, I'm not upset with you. I'm just… I'm…I'm upset with the whole situation.
- Prue: Well, Leo's just going to have to accept the fact that you're with... Dan now. You are still with Dan, right?
- Piper: Yes. Of course. What do you think they're talking about?
- Prue: You.
- Piper: Great.
- Phoebe: Hey, you guys! Give me a break, it's after midnight, I have mentors tomorrow.
- Piper: Sorry Pheebs. Didn't realize we were being so loud.
- Prue: Why don't you take a study break? Clear your head, come on down.
- Phoebe: I can't, I have too many phobias. To learn about for my psych exam. I had no idea there are so many. Claustrophobia, arachnophobia, kleptophobia, phallusphobia.
- Prue: Relaxaphobia.
- Phoebe: Cute.
- Prue: Just trying to help.
- Phoebe: You can help by keeping it down. Did I mention it's after midnight?
- Piper: Twice.
- Prue: Party's breaking up anyway.
- Phoebe: Thank you.
- Piper: What the hell are they talking about?
- Leo: My favorite ball player? Joe DiMaggio. Hands down.
- Dan: DiMaggio? No, I meant when you were growing up.
- Leo: DiMaggio was... my grandfather’s favorite. That’s why he’s mine too.
- Dan: You know Leo, this is just an observation, but uh, you don't like to talk about your past that much. Do you?
- Leo: It's just not all that interesting, really.
- Dan: Not that interesting? I mean, being in the army sounds pretty interesting. How, I mean, how long have you been out?
- Leo: Piper.
- Piper: Hi guys. Having fun? Not talking about me too much, I hope.
- Dan: No. No. Not at all.
- Piper: No?
- Dan: Actually Leo was about to fill me in on his army experience.
- Piper: The army? Huh. Whoops. Look at the time. Gotta call it a night. Party's over.
- Piper: Good night everybody.
- Phoebe: Finally.
- Prue: You guys be safe.
- A Man: Thank you.
- Phoebe: Okay, I asked you guys once to keep it down...
- Piper: Phoebe?
- Prue: Phoebe? Hey, are you alright?
- Phoebe: Uh... Yeah. I think so.
- Piper: What happened?
- Phoebe: I don't know. But I'd sure like to find out.
- Phoebe: Thanks.
- Leo: You sure you're alright?
- Phoebe: I'm fine, really.
- Dan: You're lucky. Falling down like that you really could've hurt yourself.
- Prue: Maybe we should call it a night, huh? Let her get some rest.
- Piper: Uh, okay. I'll walk you out.
- Dan: Okay. Hey, Leo. Comin'?
- Phoebe: Er, no... He has to stay here and...
- Prue: ...Um, take glasses back to P3.
- Dan: Now? At this hour?
- Piper: I'm a tough boss. Ready?
- Leo: Nice chatting with you.
- Dan: Yeah, you too.
- Leo: I thought he'd never leave.
- Piper: The hell were you two chatting about all night?
- Prue: Piper, do you mind? Phoebe, so what really happened?
- Phoebe: Uh... Okay, I heard what I thought were party noises. So I came downstairs to check and to yell at you guys. And... I was attacked. By something invisible.
- Prue: So, what, like a ghost?
- Phoebe: I didn't sense another being. It was more, um... I don't know. Like-like a daydream, I guess.
- Piper: A daydream? Since when do daydreams attack people?
- Phoebe: It wasn't really an attack, it was more of... a seduction.
- Leo: Interesting daydream.
- Phoebe: Yeah.
- Prue: So, I guess the question is what was it?
- Phoebe: Have you ever run across anything like this? I mean, as a Whitelighter?
- Leo: Not really.
- Piper: Which means we have no idea if it's going to strike again or not.
- Phoebe: Ok. Family tree. I know I saw one somewhere.
- Piper: Uh, I still don't understand.
- Phoebe: We were all related. Cousins. And we lived here at the manor back in the twenties.
- Piper: Together? Here? So much for evolution.
- Prue: Wait. So you saw us in our past lives? I mean, did we look the same?
- Phoebe: Uh, yeah. You did, actually. Kind of.
- Phoebe:
- In this time and in this place,
- Take this spirit I displace,
- Bring it forth while I go back,
- To inhabit a soul so black.
- In this time and in this place,
Give Me a Sign
[edit]- Prue: What are you guys doing here?
- Phoebe: We are rescuing you! From the tall, dark and NAKED man!!!!
- Prue: I told you to stay away.
- Phoebe: Yeah, now I know why. He is yummy. (clears her throat.)
- Piper: I don’t believe this! We’ve been frantic, worried sick about you thinking you’ve been kidnapped...
- Prue: Yeah, I was...
- Piper: (points to the side of the bed) Panties.
- Prue: Oh, oh! (She rushes to the bedside and picks them up.) Huh, thanks. Look, uh, you guys have really got this all uh—(looks at her underwear in her hand) wrong.
- Piper: Yeah, we know. It’s a trap.
- Phoebe: A tall, dark, and naked trap.
- Piper: Leo's mortal now and everything, but for how long? I mean, how do I know he won't want his wings back someday? And then there's Dan. Who is still great. And normal. Which is good, considering I'm not.
- Phoebe: 28 minutes, 33 seconds.
- Piper: Really? We ran that long?
- Phoebe: No, I've been timing how long you've been comparing Leo and Dan.
- Phoebe:
- I beseech all powers above,
- Send a sign to free my sisters heart,
- One that will lead her to her love.
- I beseech all powers above,
- Piper: First, I'd like to tell you how relieved I am you're okay.
- Phoebe: Me too.
- Piper: And secondly, I'd like to tell you that you have completely lost your mind.
- Phoebe: Completely lost your mind!
Murphy's Luck
[edit]- Phoebe: Stop trying to predict the future, that's my job.
- Piper: What would I do without you?
- Phoebe: Oh suffer endlessly, no doubt.
- Prue:
- From this moment on,
- Your pain is erased,
- Your bad luck as well,
- Enjoy your good luck Maggie,
- You're free from this hell.
- From this moment on,
- Leo: Piper, are you mad at me?
- Piper: No, don't be ridiculous. Why would I be mad at you?
- Leo: I don't know, that's why I'm asking. What is it?
- Piper: It's just, um, Dan.
- Leo: Oh. Never mind, sorry I asked.
- Piper: Um, he's-he's going to be... He's going to be very upset when he finds out... you're the one that I really love.
- Leo: Yeah?
- Piper: Yeah.
- Piper: That can't be right. How many swizzle sticks?
- Leo: (staring at her legs) Who's counting?
How to Make a Quilt Out of Americans
[edit]- Piper: Alright, I'm only doing this for you guys. And if I get killed, I'm gonna haunt the both of you forever.
- Phoebe:
- What Witches done and the undone,
- Return this spirit back within,
- And separate him from his skin.
- What Witches done and the undone,
- Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:
- Powers of the the witches rise,
- Course unseen across the skies,
- Come to us who call you near,
- Come to us and settle here.
- Powers of the the witches rise,
Chick Flick
[edit]- Finley Beck: So when is this photographer blessing us with his presence?
- Prue: That would be me.
- Finley Beck: You're 12.
- Prue: Oh, I'm good!
- Prue: Well, the house is a mess again. I mean, how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness, or the demon of housekeeping, or even that bald Mr. Clean guy. I would so totally take him on.
- Phoebe: We have got to do something about that COMPLEXION!
- Phoebe: Hello, privacy!
- Prue: Hello, ax-murderer!
- Piper: I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower?!?!?
- Billy: It's okay. The man is here to save the day.
- Prue: Billy, it's the 21st century. It's the woman's job to save the day.
- Prue: (after taking a picture of Piper) So, I think I'll call this, "Woman Pretending Not to Look Out the Window".
- Piper: (walking towards Prue with mug) How about "Girl About to Pour Hot Tea on Sister's Head"?
- Piper: (after drinking the potion and making a face) Mm! Tastes like ass!
- (Billy gives her a look through the screen.)
- Piper: ... sphalt.
Ex Libris
[edit]- Phoebe: Hey, hi, I'm Phoebe.
- Charlene: I'm Charlene. Actually we've met. We even carpooled. Metaphysics 301, remember?
- Phoebe: Oh, that's right and your dad is the professor of that class, right?
- Charlene: Yeah, dirty rat, he gave me a C. We don't get along in anything. Even metaphysics. But I'm hoping that'll change when I finish my thesis, get published, he'll finally have to take me seriously. I'll quit before I start telling you about my mother.
- Phoebe: No, it's okay. I've been studying here for so long it's nice to have someone to talk to. So what's your thesis about?
- Charlene: It's about the existence of demons in our world.
- Phoebe: Demons?
- Piper: Prue, wh-what are you doing in here?
- Leo: Piper, can you hand me a towel? Prue!
- Prue: Hey Leo, nice orbs.
- Piper: Bye... Bye!
- Prue: Ow!
- Piper: Let me help you, let me help you. Alright, go on, sicko.
- Piper: Still Phoebe, you have to take care of yourself. You have to get some rest.
- Phoebe: After. Piper, I did not go back to college to fail at it, okay. So what do I have to do? Okay, I'm gonna go change and then I'm gonna go to the library. Now, if any demon or warlock attacks, please just fend them off till Saturday. (to Leo) I have a question for you. Is it possible for someone to find proof that demons really do exist?
- Leo: Mmm, I don't know, maybe. But even if anybody did, nobody would ever know about it anyway.
- Phoebe: What do you mean?
- Leo: Well, evil doesn't want anybody to know. It has a system for covering its tracks, protecting its identity. That's why demons disappear when you guys vanquish them.
- Piper: Why do you ask?
- Phoebe: Just curious. Okay, adios.
- Piper: Were you close to you dad?
- Leo: Uhh, well, that was long time ago. A different life time. I prefer to focus on the present.
- Piper: So do I, which means I have to go, I have a dentist appointment. How long can you stay?
- Leo: Uh, until they call.
- Piper: Well, if they don't call before lunch, why don't you meet me at the club. I'll buy.
- Leo: Well, you'll have to. Whitelighter pay sucks.
- Piper: Alright, back to your position. Go on.
- Leo: Are you kidding me? He's about to clock me.
- Piper: I'm sorry, I can't help you with that. Let's go, let's go.
- Dan: Ow! Piper, where'd you come from?
- Piper: I'll be the one asking the questions. What the hell is going on?
- Prue: Anybody here?
- Phoebe: In here.
- Prue: Hey. Oh, good, I was looking for that. Wait, what are you doing with the book?
- Phoebe: Oh, I'm looking for the demon that's gonna kill me. I just love getting those premonitions.
- Prue: Oh, okay, what premonition? When?
- Phoebe: About an hour ago. Right after I was trying to tell Charlene that she's dead.
- Prue: I'm lost.
- Phoebe: Oh sorry! Wrong sister.
- Piper: I'm home!
- Prue: Come on.
- Piper: Where are we going?
- Phoebe: We'll explain on the way there.
- Piper: Who's that?
- Phoebe: Let's go, let's go. That's my dead friend.
Astral Monkey
[edit]- Piper: (about Leo) You really think he's here that much?
- Phoebe: He's like the big brother I never wanted... uh... I mean, had.
Apocalypse Not
[edit]- Phoebe: Are you telling me evil called good and good answered?
Be Careful What You Witch For
[edit]- Piper: Dan is back in town.
- Leo: So? What am i supposed to go. Just hide out till he decides to leave again?
- Piper: So, what am I going to tell him? The last time I saw him he handed me proof that you were killed in 1942. He's going to expect a reaction from me.
- Phoebe: How about, 'Hey Dan, you're right, I am a necrophiliac. '.
- Piper: Where you off to?
- Prue: Lunch date with Dick.
- Phoebe: Dull Dick? Prue, you are too hot to have to duty date.
- Prue: Yeh, well. all demon hunting and no play has made me a lot less picky. I gotta figure out a way to put more balance in my life.
- Piper: Yeh, but you don't need Dick!
- Phoebe: You know, we keep saying that, but what does it really mean?
- Genie: You're probably a little upset right?
- Piper: No, I've moved past upset and right to pissed off.
Season 3
[edit]The Honeymoon's Over
[edit]- Phoebe: If Piper ever comes back, I'm going to kill her.
- Leo: Piper!
- Piper: This is so not happening.
- Leo: Listen to me, Piper. I told you, I've thought this whole thing through.
- Piper: Uh huh. Is that why you asked me to marry you in a toilet?
- Prue: Okay any mass vanquishing spells?
- Phoebe: You're the one who's been studying the book.
- Prue: Why are you picking on me?
- Phoebe: Because I'm scared and we're outnumbered.
- Piper: So, why did you do that to your hair?
- Phoebe: To change my luck.
- Phoebe: Okay, what was that all about? I didn’t even get to bitch at her.
Magic Hour
[edit]- Leo: I hate to be the bearer of bad news.
- Piper: Can't you possibly be the bearer of a big hug?
- Prue: Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken.
- Phoebe: Yeah, but bodies weren't.
- Piper: And neither were hearts.
- Grams: You need guidance, some advice on a certain sister situation. Am I getting warm?
- Phoebe: Red hot. But wait a minute, if you know, that means that they know, and if they know then we are f...
- Grams: Fine.
- Prue: What love can't conquer, we will.
- Cole: You better be careful or a guy might think he's been followed.
- (Phoebe laughs)
- Piper: You better be careful or a girl might think her sister's getting a really cheesy pick up line.
Once Upon a Time
[edit]- Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.
- Phoebe: Sure, why not?
- Piper: (to Prue) Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa...
- Piper: Why are you being so stubborn about this?
- Phoebe: Because I'm a Scorpio, what's your excuse?
- Prue: Okay. So, it's kinda late, and, ummm, we're all a little bit tired so how about we finish this up tomorrow?
- Phoebe: Now look what you did, you went and turned Prue into the middle child.
- Phoebe: We all had the same invisible fairy friend Piper. That is proof that fairies exist.
- Piper: Or it proves that one of us had a really fertile imagination, and the other two were really big copycats.
- Piper: I'm done.
- Phoebe: What does that mean?
- Piper: That means that the Powers That Be haven't done anything but ruin my life, so I'm not doing anything for them anymore. Ok? (walks around Phoebe) I going now. ...I'm going now.
- Phoebe: I think she's on strike.
- Kate: Thistle says that if you really believe in fairies, there's something that can make you innocent again so you can see her. (She throws fairy dust on Prue & Phoebe, who begin to giggle and act like little girls.)
- Kate: I think it worked.
- Prue: (bouncing up and down) I want to see the fairy.
- (Kate opens her jewelry box, and a fairy flies out. Prue & Phoebe's jaws drop.)
- Prue: Okay, what was I supposed to say? That some unknown demon came in to try and steal our magic book and then little trolls came and pushed us down the stairs?
- Piper: I am a good person. I'm a good witch. And damnit, I would have made a great wife. And how dare you take that from me? I deserve...no what no, I demand, that you send him back to me. You hear me? I'm going to stand in this very spot until you send Leo back to me.
- Prue: It's just... You don't seem very open.
- Piper: I'm as open as I'm gonna get in the next 5 minutes, so, let's just do the damn spell.
- Prue, Piper, Phoebe:
- In this tween time this darkest hour,
- We call upon the sacred power,
- Three together stand alone,
- Command the unseen to be shown,
- In innocence, we search the skies,
- Enchanted are our newfound eyes.
- In this tween time this darkest hour,
- Prue: lets go to the doorway and Piper you freeze
- Phoebe: Dammit Dammit Dammit, whats the use of the power if i cant use if when i need it
- Prue: Whats it doing
- Piper: I think it wants us to follow it
- Prue: Now thats how i like my tolls medium well
- Prue: I think this is someones way of saying thank you
- Piper: Am i dreaming? Hugs leo
- Leo: Their giving us to change to show them that we can be together and still do our work then they will let us be together
All Halliwell's Eve
[edit]- Prue: Hey, are you a good witch or a bad witch?
- Piper: I'm going to be a very good witch from now on.
- Prue: And you picked a role model that wears lots and lots of pink?
- Piper: Yes.
- Leo: Glinda helped innocents didn't she?
- Piper: Yes.
- Phoebe: You had the answer all along? That's not help, that's mind games.
- Phoebe: This costume happens to be a protest statement.
- Prue: I am so impressed that you can make a protest statement and show cleavage all at the same time.
- Phoebe: Thanks.
- Piper: Nice costume.
- Darryl: It's from my rookie days. Still fits.
- Leo: Mine too.
- Darryl: Isn't that from World War II? Who are you?
- Piper: Flee! We're not in Kansas anymore!
- Prue: From what they're wearing it looks to be what the 16...1700's...
- Phoebe: Where the life expectancy of the average witch is, oh, 15 minutes.
- Eva: This doorway would have told us if you were evil.
- Piper: Huh! Where can we get one of those?
- Piper: (referring to the elders) Oh, leave it to them to zap first and give instructions never.
Sight Unseen
[edit]- Darryl: Well, on the human side of things, I need you guys to put together a grudge list of any enemies you have past or present.
- Prue: Already done.
- Darryl: Abraxas, Barbas, Yama... What did you do? Date the United Nations?
- Piper: What are those?
- Prue: A way to always be prepared.
- Phoebe: These are very large contraceptives, Prue.
- Phoebe: I'm bummed for you Piper, but I've got to tell you, Leo is looking fine!
- Piper: I thought you said you didn’t see anything.
- Phoebe: I didn’t… at least nothing good!
- Phoebe: You didn't nearly catch a demon, you nearly killed a district attorney. My district attorney!
Primrose Empath
[edit]- Phoebe: I have a date with Cole.
- Prue: You say that like it's a bad thing.
- Phoebe: It's a lunch date!
- Prue: So?
- Phoebe: So! It's a bad sign. Lunch is a cheap imitation of dinner, that's why it has its own special menu.
- Piper: Sometimes being magical takes the magic right out of things.
- Prue: What's your last name?
- Vinceres: Misery.
- Prue: In that case, would you like some company?
- Phoebe: So...how about those Niners?
- Cole: What?
- Phoebe: The Niners. The Forty-Niners. The football team. You don't follow football? [to Leo and Piper] He isn't human.
- Cole: (coughs on his water) Check!
- Piper: Phoebe, I know you're upset Leo crashed your lunch date but...
- Phoebe: No, it's not that. Cole is pulling away from me again, I can see it.
- Piper: Premonition?
- Phoebe: Intuition.
- Leo: We'll help you out.
- Prue: No, no, no. I'll hit the book alone. Your guys couple issues are really starting to hurt my head.
- Piper: Wait, we have couple issues?
- Prue: Resentment. Denial. Be nice!
- Piper: Here he is. Vinceres, hmm... Pretty much lives up to his gloss. Unstoppable hitman. Just keeps going until he gets his target.
- Phoebe: Great. The energizer demon.
- Prue:
- Free thee empath,
- Release his gift,
- Let his pain be cast adrift.
- Free thee empath,
Power Outage
[edit]- Prue: Phoebe? Phoebe! Hi. I hate to interrupt your whole "staring off into space aimlessly" thing that you've got going on right now, but in case you forgot, evil Triad agent.
- Phoebe: Like you would ever let me forget, Prue.
- Cole: (to himself) I'm sorry but we have to stop seeing each other, okay. Why? Because, because I have to kill you that's why. Smooth.
- Phoebe: This is important, he wants to have the talk. You know, are we a couple, are we a one-nighter, are we friends, are we friends that had a one-nighter...?
- Prue: What is your problem?
- Piper: You are. Get your own damn club and keep your paws off of mine!
- Prue: Okay, whoa, obviously somebody needs a Midol. (Andras peeks inside the kitchen)
- Piper: And I am so sick of all of your stuff laying around. If you can't put your equipment away, then I will! (grabs a lens and throws it to the floor, just as Andras infects Prue with rage)
- Prue: (does a slow burn) Who the hell do you think you are?! (grabs a blender and smashes it on the floor)
- Piper: "Sure, you can use P3 for a photo shoot." Hello? Remember me?
- Prue: Oh, poor Piper! Well, you know what? The martyr routine's really getting old.
- Phoebe: Hey guys, what's going on?
- Prue and Piper: (to Phoebe) Shut up!
- Prue: You know what? I am so sorry I didn't check with you about your stupid little club, but I was busy being the only witch concerned about the Triad.
- Piper: Oh, right--without the mighty Prue Halliwell, we'd all be dead. Get over yourself, Prue.
- Phoebe: Sisters, what has gotten into you two?
- Prue: (to Phoebe) By the way, you owe me for a car tow and a tank of gas, you little leech!
- Phoebe: I'm sorry, is it "Gang Up On Phoebe Day' and nobody told me?
- Piper: News flash--the world does not revolve around Phoebe!
- Prue: Yeah, so while you spend the night screwing the DA, we are stuck picking up your slack. (Andras, watching outside the window, infects Phoebe with rage)
- Phoebe: What's the matter, Prue? Jealous? All work and no play making you even more boring?
- Prue: Oh yeah, there's a lot to be jealous of, Phoebe. What, jealous that I'm still in school? Jealous that I'm still unemployed? And jealous that I am still living off of my sisters?
- Piper: Yeah, Grams said you'd never amount to anything.
- Prue: I am so sick that I have been saddled with the two of you my entire life!
- Phoebe: Whatever, I'm leaving!
- Piper: Oh sure--you're such an immature brat, you leave every time you can't hack something.
- Phoebe: Well, there's nothing keeping me here now, is there?
- Prue: Oh, well I see that you inherited Dad's talent for bailing!
- Phoebe: That's because the two of us couldn't deal with living with the two of you!
- Piper: Well, at least I'm not so stupid that I had to do college twice.
- Phoebe: Well, at least I had the courage to go away to college. What's the matter, Piper? The real world too much for you? I am so sick of the two of you ganging up on me and judging me!
- Prue: I am so sick of saving your asses!
- Piper: I'm sick of being taken for granted, and those are mine! (yanks one of her earrings off Phoebe's ear)
- Phoebe: Ouch! Bitch!
- Phoebe: Has the tribal council spoken? Am I booted off the island?
- Prue: Who needs Oprah when we can do it ourselves?
- Prue: Okay, that's new.
- Phoebe: Demon with...demon filling.
Sleuthing with the Enemy
[edit]- Prue: Pig's feet.
- Piper: Yecch.
- Prue: Ecch?
- Piper: Yecch.
- Prue: So you can slice off a chunk of demon flesh, but you can't touch a pig's foot?
- Piper: I'm a vegetarian.
- Prue: Since when?
- Piper: Since now.
- Prue: Who are you?
- Krell: I'm Krell. I'm a Zotar.
- Prue: I'm Prue. I'm a Scorpio.
- Krell: Just the thought of working with you two turns my stomachs.
- Piper: Stomachs?
- Prue: Listen, here's the deal. Belthazor killed the Triad, now the Source wants him dead. Krell is trying to suck up to the Source, so he wants to kill Belthazor
- Piper: Belthazor wants to kill us so the Source won't kill him.
- Leo: And if you work with Krell he can kill Belthazor before he kills you.
- Phoebe: Works for me!
- Krell: How do you witches ever get anything done?
- Piper: We're going to vanquish Phoebe's boyfriend? That's gonna cause some problems.
- Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:
- Spirits of air, forest and sea;
- Set us of this demon free;
- Beasts of hoof and beasts of shell,
- Drive this evil back to hell!
- Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:
- Magic forces black and white,
- Reaching out through space and light,
- Be he far or be he near,
- Bring us the demon Belthazor here.
- Magic forces black and white,
Coyote Piper
[edit]- Leo: Come on Piper, isn't this supposed to be a fun thing. You know, going back and seeing all your old friends.
- Piper: You weren't by any chance popular in high school were you?
- Leo: Well I was.. I mean.. Is there a right answer to this question?
- Piper: What I mean is I'm this super powerful witch who's engaged to a whitelighter saving the world from evil on a daily freaking basis, and all these people are going to see is the same pitiful loser who still lives at home with her sisters and her unemployed boyfriend.
- Prue: Come on, why do you even care what those people think?
- Piper: Only a former cheerleader could ask that question.
- Prue: Wow, you only scored a four, that is just so sad.
- Justin Harper: Excuse me, but you only scored a five out of ten on my list.
- Prue: Right, So I got an F, but dude, you got an F-!
- Justin Harper: Ouch! That's a bad high school flashback.
- Terra: What kind of witch can't vanquish a demon without her sisters?
- Piper: What the hell kind of demon has a panic attack everytime her boyfriend comes to visit?
- Prue: Oh my god.. and she's been acting really.. and she left without saying.. and and the bottle, she wanted to destroy it.
- Phoebe: I'm trying to jump on your thought train but you're moving a little too fast for me here.
- Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:
- Let flesh be flesh and bone be bone,
- The alchemist will transform none,
- Cruel scientist of evil born,
- With these words face the fires scorn.
- Let flesh be flesh and bone be bone,
- Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:
- Host soul, reject the poison essence,
- Let loves light end this cruel possession.
- Host soul, reject the poison essence,
We All Scream for Ice Cream
[edit]- Prue: Alright, well, nothing usually means something, and something usually means a boy, so...
- Piper: He's still staring at me!
- Phoebe: That’s not staring, that’s flirting!
- Piper: You say tomato…
- Phoebe: No! I say relaxo!
- Piper: Prue, it's me leaving you another message after leaving Phoebe another message. I tried you at work, but they said you never checked in after your shoot, so where are you guys? (Piper sees the same guy as before standing at the other end of the bar). Uh, look, so call me, or better yet, just show up and save me from having to perform an impending awkward rejection all by myself.
- Caleb: Hi, I'm Caleb.
- Piper: Piper.
- Caleb: I'm sorta new in town and I'm looking to meet someone... (Piper looks away uncomfortably) someone special? (Piper gives him a blank stare) I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your phone call to your...
- Piper: Fiance. Very large, very jealous, fiance.
- Caleb: Really? Does he ever come here?
- Piper: Hahaha, yeah! All the time.
- Caleb: So he-he-he lives nearby?
- Piper: Uh, look, I'm flattered, and you know, if this was another time or place... uhh, maybe you'd like to meet one of my single sisters?
- Caleb: You've got sisters, rrreally? Well, maybe we could all, uh, get together sometime? (Piper turns away, clearly exasperated) Uh, does your fiance like to hang out with your sisters too?
- Piper: Okay, uhh, you know what? I don't know what kind of kinky stuff you're into, but there's a club, down the street, you might be more comfortable in. They've got, uh, cages and rubber floors, and a three-for-two special on Fridays.
- Prue: Hey, alright I need some professional help.
- Phoebe: No arguments here.
- Prue: Anything?
- Piper: Nope
- Phoebe: Maybe if you did it again with a little more "ummph", you know? Maybe some choreography, Piper could back you up with some old school beatbox.
- Prue: How did I know I wouldn't get any help from you crazy people?
- Phoebe: Prue, if you keep ignoring me, my feelings might actually implode.
- Leo: Why don't we try focusing on the positive? They're together.
- Piper: That's it, that's your positive?! Cos I've got a list a mile long in the negative column.
- Leo: Piper, any minute they are going to walk through that door with a perfectly good explanation.
- Prue: Piper!
- Leo: See!
- Phoebe: We thought the good guys were bad guys, and in trying to vanquish them, we helped the real bad guys, which were dead ringers for good guys.
- Leo: Was that English?
- Prue: You know, if this doesn't work I can look back and pinpoint the exact moment where it all went wrong.
- Piper: And that moment's name would be Dad? Prue, you gotta admit if he can open the door we kinda need him.
- Prue: It's all about word choice Piper, we don't need him, we need his utter lack of power. Right? He opens the door, we save the day, we get on with our lives. It's a one time group effort.
- Piper: Glad to see you have a healthy handle on the situation, Prue.
- Prue: I think I do!
- Piper: So your interest in me?
- Ice Cream Man: Uh, huh. Strictly professional. I was lost. But until I was sure who you were I couldn't just come out and say, hey are you a Charmed One, 'cos I need you to take me to my demon catching truck.
- Piper: Whenever I decide to have kids, remind me of this day.
Blinded by the Whitelighter
[edit]- Phoebe: What she needs, we can't give her.
- Natalie: What happened?
- Prue: Piper froze ya.
- Natalie: S-she what?
- Prue: (laughing) Yep.
- Leo: Piper, what are you doing?
- Piper: Getting irritated. Who put Lady Attitude in charge?
- Leo: She's not in charge.
- Piper: Really? 'Cause she's acting like it. I thought Whitelighters were supposed to guide, not dictate.
- Leo: Hey, you want to freeze me in bed for your own personal pleasure, that is fine, but freezing Natalie is not gonna make her or the Elders happy.
- Phoebe: Who's Natalie?
- Piper: She's a f...
- Leo: (interrupting) Fellow whitelighter. See, I finished your sentence.
- Piper: Hm. That's not what I was going to say.
- Piper: We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer.
- Natalie: You must prepare yourselves for battle. Mentally, physically, spiritually, sartorially...
- (Piper scoffs)
- Phoebe: I'm sorry, what?
- Piper: She doesn't like our clothes.
- Natalie: You need clothes that are loose and move. That means no more braless, strapless... fearless attire.
- Prue: Okay, then I have nothing to wear.
- Natalie: Alright, lets pretend I'm the enemy.
- Prue: Oh, that is way too easy.
- (Phoebe claps her hands and Piper giggles)
- Natalie: Very funny. Now, talk me through how you plan to separate me from my crossbow.
- Piper: OK, first I freeze you.
- Natalie: I deflect that.
- Phoebe: I guess I could levitate and kick you.
- Natalie: You just kicked a clone.
- Prue: All right, how about I send in an astral Prue as a decoy and then I just ... (flicks her hand and yanks the piece of wood out of Natalie's hand) Oh, I'm so sorry. (Phoebe laughs at Prue's sarcasm)
- Natalie: Not as sorry as you would be if I just blinked behind you and stabbed you to death.
- Prue: Well, that would be bad.
- Piper: Ouch.
- Phoebe: All right, you know what? This is too hard. Usually in these situations, you know, everything happens so quickly. The adrenaline is pumping.
- Natalie: I want you to think using your brains, not your glands. Now try again.
- Phoebe: Hey, if we don't vanquish Eames, can we at least vanquish Natalie?
- Piper: Don't tempt me.
- Prue: Something doesn't feel right. This was way too easy.
- Phoebe: Or even worse, anticlimactic.
- (Eames writhes in agony as the arrow's poison takes effect, while the sisters stand over him glowering)
- Eames: What the hell are you doing up here?
- Phoebe: Kicking your ass!
- Prue: Don't even bother trying to orb out. It won't work. You see, you didn't just get the powers of a Whitelighter, but you get their vulnerability too. So the poison in that arrow is killing you just like you killed Natalie.
- Piper: It's kind of poetic.
- Phoebe: I'm kind of in a rhyming mood--how about you, girls?
- Prue: Sure, this poison isn't working fast enough for me.
- Prue, Piper and Phoebe: Time for amends and a victim's revenge ...
- Prue: Cloning power, turn sour ... (Eames bursts into flames and screams in agony)
- Piper: Power to change, turn to strange ...
- Phoebe: (in a mock Texas accent) I'm rejectin' your deflection! (Eames disintegrates)
Wrestling With Demons
[edit]- Prue: Ugh, innocents and alleys. Don't they ever learn?
- Prue: I know that demon...I dated that demon!
- Phoebe: Piper also babbles when she's nervous.
- Piper: I resent that. I am expressing a valid concern about this continuing issue in our lives.
- Prue: [walking in] What are you babbling about?
- (Phoebe laughs)
- Piper: You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would. Often.
- Leo: I sorta... kinda lost the wedding ring.
- (Piper gasps and Prue looks shocked.)
- Darryl: I've got a great ring guy downtown if you need one.
- Piper: He doesn't need one, he has a ring. Mom's ring. I gave it to him, so he could give it back to me at the perfect, romantic moment!
- Phoebe: Wow, Leo, you lost Mom's ring. It's a good thing you're dead already.
- Leo: I had it in my pocket, Piper. All the orbing in and out...
- Piper: Your orbs are grass if you do not find that ring.
- Leo: You have to tell them, Phoebe. You can't wait any longer.
- Phoebe: Well, it's not really an easy thing to drop into conversation, Leo. You know, like "your hair looks great. Cole's not dead. I let him go."
- Phoebe: I cast a little spell.
- Darryl: The less I know, the happier I am.
- Prue: Alright, I am going to win this fight and save your ass. That way I can kick it myself later.
- Piper, and Phoebe:
- Guiding spirits I ask your charity,
- Lend me your focus and clarity,
- Lead me to the one i cannot find,
- Restore that and my piece of mind.
- Guiding spirits I ask your charity,
Bride and Gloom
[edit]- Prue: You know, besides, a wedding invite definitely makes a statement.
- Leo: That he can tie a bow tie?
- Piper: Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding?
- Prue: Okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books?
- Piper: Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question?
- Prue: Because Prue doesn't want both her sisters not speaking to her.
- Prue: Can I have my lipstick back, Piper?
- Piper: What lipstick?
- Prue: The lipstick you borrowed last night.
- Piper: Wasn't me.
- Prue: Oh, I'm sorry. I must have gotten you confused with another Piper!
- Leo: I thought you said there was nothing in the Book.
- Piper: Well now, there's just a whole bunch of weirdness in it. Look.
- Leo: Hemlock killing spell? That doesn't belong in here.
- Piper: But it does have possibilities...
- Leo: Piper!
- Piper: I'm sorry, I don't know what I was ... (she blinks into the kitchen.)
- Leo: Piper?
- Piper: In here, somehow ...
- Leo: You blinked.
- Piper: I did not! Only warlocks do that.
- Leo: Nope, you did it.
- (Piper and Phoebe blink from the kitchen into the living room)
- Piper: Catch us if you can!
- Phoebe: Have you tried it yet, Leo? It's a real head rush.
- Leo: Do you realize how serious this is? You're blinking, the Book is changing.
- Piper: Maybe we're blinking because of the Book.
- Leo: The Book is changing because of you. It is an extension of you.
- Piper: I should care about that--but I don't.
- Leo: This is what I was afraid of. Whoever's got Prue is somehow reaching you too.
- Phoebe: Okay Leo, I can tell this really upsets you, but I gotta tell you, I really like this whole 'think it and it happens' deal. I mean, just think of the time we could save not chanting!
- (after Piper freezes the female wedding planner)
- Leo: Have you guys lost your minds?
- Phoebe: Oh, Leo, get on board. Whatever this is, this is fabulous. You can't imagine the freedom, the power.
- Leo: Phoebe, that is evil talking. You have to fight it!
- Phoebe: What did you ever see in him?
- Piper: I don't know. He is kind of a stick in the mud, isn't he?
- Phoebe: Oh, another great idea! May I?
- Piper: Be my guest.
- Leo: All right, think about the power of ... (he gets cut off when Phoebe waves her hand and turns him into a stick in a barrel of mud.)
- Phoebe: Look at all the fun we've been missing.
- Piper: And this is just the beginning!
- (after Leo orbs out.)
- Piper: Oh no--he's gone. We're free!
- Phoebe: Yes.
- Piper: No more obeying the rules, considering the consequences, none of that crap!
- Phoebe: Time to find Prue and go for broke.
- Piper: Where are you going?
- Phoebe: Well, I can't wreak havoc dressed like this.
- Cole: Phoebe, if what I found out is true, Prue is in serious trouble. She's being forced to marry a warlock.
- Phoebe: Figures that bitch would steal Piper's thunder!
- Cole: You don't understand. A high-level priestess named Dantalian is rumored to have married them. She's got the power to turn her evil, and turn you evil too. That's what's happening here.
- Phoebe: So? Isn't that the way you want me? (she kisses him passionately again)
- Cole: No, that is not how I want you to be. It is not how I want us to be. Our only chance is if we're both ... good.
- Phoebe: Love is love.
- Cole: There is no such thing as evil love. It's only gratification, lust.
- Piper: What's going on in here?
- Phoebe: Nothing, unfortunately.
- Piper: I heard voices.
- Phoebe: Oh, did you? Um, I had a premonition. Must have gotten pretty loud.
- Piper: I guess.
- Phoebe: We gotta go. The high priestess that has Prue, supposedly she's coming here.
- Piper: High pr--? Must have been a hell of a premonition.
- Dantalian: That was easy.
- Piper: Too easy.
- (Phoebe kicks Dantalian from behind, and holds a knife to her neck)
- Piper: Where's our sister?
- Dantalian: (apprehensively) I can help you. I can teach you evil. You're new at it, you don't know how to realize its full potential.
- Piper: I don't know, I think we're getting the hang of it.
- Phoebe: Wanna see?
- Piper: Where's Prue?
- Dantalian: Kill me and you'll never see her again.
- Piper: So maybe we should (stomps on Dantalian) torture you instead!
- (Piper waves her hand, and Dantalian's hand freezes; Dantalian screams in agony.)
- Phoebe: Why don't you just shatter her hand and see what happens?
- (while Dantalian pants, Piper grabs a candle holder.)
- Piper: Last chance. (Dantalian stares) Fine. (smashes Dantalian's hand, Dantalian screams in agony)
- Phoebe: Now, the really weird thing is we could do that to the other hand, and then go down to your feet ...
- Piper: Actually, we could work up piece by piece, all the way to her head.
- Phoebe: (waves knife and Dantalian's head) Where is Prue?
- Piper: Whoa, Prue. Hey, hi. You don't look so good.
- Phoebe: Oh, but that's a great dress.
- Dantalian: Zile, Prue--eliminate them!
- Piper: Prue, ignore her. Come on, come with us--we're your sisters.
- Prue: I'm his wife, not your sister. (she raises her hands and sends Piper and Phoebe flying into the wall)
- Prue: I love you.
- Another Prue: You too.
- Piper: Huh. Welcome to Planet Narcissist.
- Phoebe: Oh yeah, Leo, sorry we killed you.
- Dantalian: I hope so. (She touches their foreheads) In the beginning, we were damned, and through damnation, we found freedom, power, and purpose. As I unite you today, I remind you of those gifts. (Dantalian ties Zile and Prue's hands together) And in your union, may these gifts increase your powers may grow in the service of evil. So be it.
- Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:
- Powers of light,
- Magic of right,
- Cast this blight
- Into forever's night.
- Powers of light,
The Good, the Bad, and the Cursed
[edit]- Phoebe: Dad doesn't know that Leo is a whitelighter.
- Prue & Leo: What?!
- Piper: Well, I've been meaning to tell him, but considering Mom had an affair with her whitelighter, I didn't think he'd be really receptive to the idea.
- Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out.
- Piper: Oh, don't be ridiculous, you're already dead.
- Victor: Hm. Leo, I think it's time to come clean.
- Leo: You do?
- Victor: Yeah. I need to talk to you about something, man-to-man.
- Leo: Man-to-man.
- Victor: Well, from one mortal to another. Leo, it's not easy being married to a witch.
- Leo: No?
- Victor: That's why my marriage to Piper's mother didn't work out. It wasn't because I didn't love her, but because I wasn't prepared for what was to come.
- Leo: Well, I think I'm prepared, sir. Uh, I mean, Victor.
- Victor: Well, don't get me wrong, Leo. I want this marriage to succeed, that's why I'm warning you. But there are dangers out there worse than demons and warlocks. You do know about them, don't you?
- Leo: Yeah, sure.
- Victor: Well the dangers I'm talking about, you're not even going to see it coming. The thing I'm talking about will just sneak up on you (snaps his fingers in front of Leo's face) and destroy your marriage if you're not careful. Leo, do you know what a whitelighter is?
- Leo: Um...
- Victor: Look, my point is, if you wanna...
- (Leo is being called)
- Leo: Uh oh...
- Victor: Wha?
- Leo: Uh... (gulps) I have to go. Now.
- Victor: Go?
- Leo: Yeah, and I don't think you're gonna like the way I have to go, either. (smiles awkwardly at Victor and orbs out)
- (Victor is clearly surprised)
- Cole: You have to hold my hand.
- Prue: This sucks already.
- Phoebe: Well, don't get mad at me, I've been shot.
- Prue: Hi. What am I? A potted plant?
- Victor: Oh, so now I'm supposed to trust a demon?
- Leo: You know, as much as I hate to say this, Cole loves Phoebe. He took a huge risk to come here and try and prove himself to her and he will do whatever it takes to save her life.
- Phoebe: He's right.
- Victor: How can you be so sure?
- Phoebe: Because he loves me as much as I love him.
- Bartender: What'll it be?
- Prue: Moonshine
- Bartender: A what?
- Cole: She means a whiskey. (to Prue) You watch too many old movies.
- Prue: And you would be confusing me with Phoebe.
- Cole: Ha, not a chance.
- Cole: I still think you should have worn that pretty little red dress hanging on the line.
Just Harried
[edit]- Grams: Is this the biggest arch you could get?
- Prue: Without opening a fast food franchise, yeah.
- Grams: Well just remember, if love is the quest, then marriage is the conquest. This place must feel like... victory.
- Phoebe: And here I thought weddings were meant to be romantic.
- Grams: Oh, my dear, sweet child.
- Prue: Better listen to Grams, Phoebe. I mean you could always calculate her age by the number of rings on her fingers.
- Grams: I'll see you tomorrow, at four o'clock, Mrs. Halliwell. The women keep their names in this family.
- Inspector: Ah, you stick your tongue down her throat but you don't know her name?
- TJ: That against the law?
- Phoebe: Huh, wow, so you're relinquishing control to your little sister. You must really be tired.
- Phoebe: Piper, you have to stay positive. You know what? I have Celine Dion "Behind The Music" on video cassette. Would you like to watch that?
- Piper: Would you like to get slapped?
- Leo: I love her with all my heart, and I promise to keep loving her and taking care of her for the rest of this life, the afterlife and whatever comes after that. Now you may not support it, and you may not agree with it, but it is not going to stop me from marrying your daughter today. Nothing will.
- Victor: You know.. I could probably get used to having a whitelighter for a son-in-law.
- Cole: Everybody having fun down here?
- Leo: Where do you stand on demons?
- Victor: Patty.
- Patty: Hello, Victor, how are you?
- Victor: Good. I mean, I was good. Alright, who brought my ex-wife back from the dead?
- Grams: Not now, Victor. I know you two have issues but that's what the reception is for.
- Piper: Prue! What the hell is going on?
- Phoebe: Prue! Get your astral ass back here!
- Piper: As Halliwells, we are blessed as witches but we are cursed as women. Sometimes I think we're all destined to be alone.
- Leo: Piper, through all the tears and struggles, I always knew in my heart that we'd make it here. I promise to love and respect you from this point forward as your husband, as my wife, my lover, my friend, and my soul mate. All I am is yours.
- Piper: Leo, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was afraid that you were too good to be true, that maybe I didn't deserve someone so pure and beautiful and loving as you are. But here we are surrounded by the people that I love the most and I feel so proud, and so blessed to be your wife. Leo, I was born to love you and I always will.
Death Takes a Halliwell
[edit]- Prue: I'm sorry if I've been a little cranky.
- Phoebe: Say no more. Princess Prue has spoken, by the orders of the queen, that's me! Phoebeville and all of it's glory will be abandoned for greener pastures, and two lattes.
- Prue: Oh, all hail the queen!
- Phoebe: Yay, I love to be hailed!
- Piper: I still don't understand why my sisters can't come, we could just do a group hug thing, and..
- Leo: I can orb you because you're my wife, but I'm not a cosmic taxi for the whole family.
- Phoebe: Hehe... you said wife!
- Phoebe: Alright you two, have fun. Bring me back a cloud!
- Phoebe: Pardon the potential understatement of a cliche, but you look like you've seen a ghost.
- Piper: It’s just so bright.
- Leo: Of course it’s bright. It’s supposed to represent the light of eternal love.
- Piper: Wait, does that mean we can never turn if off?
- Prue: Hi. Need a little help?
- Cole: What are you doing here?
- Reece: How did you get here? What the hell's going on?
- Seeker: Well, well, well. The mighty Belthazor, in bed with a witch.
- Prue: Don't make me sick.
- Phoebe: They retreated?
- Prue: Yeah. I kicked ass.
- Cole: No, you kicked air.
- Cole: Inspector, you're in a room with three witches and a demon, do you really think that gun's gonna help?
- Prue:
- Spirits of air, sand and sea,
- Converge to set the angel free,
- In the wind I send this rhyme,
- Bring death before me, before my time.
- Spirits of air, sand and sea,
- Prue: You don't know me, you don't know anything about me.
- Death: But I've seen it so many times before. The anger, the pain. You lock up your tears and angrily steel yourself against me as if I was the ultimate evil.
- Prue: You are the ultimate evil.
- Death: No. I'm not good or evil, I just am. I'm inevitable.
- Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:
- Knowledge gained by murderous means,
- Is wisdom's bitter enemy,
- The mind that burns with stolen fire,
- Will now become your funeral pyre.
- Knowledge gained by murderous means,
Pre-Witched
[edit]- Grams: (Flashback) Is it too much for an old lady to ask her granddaughters to retract their claws, stand still and look at me long enough to take one lousy picture?
- Phoebe: Well, if so I got the runt. Bad teeth, funky clothes and way easy to kill.
- Prue: Black hair?
- Piper: Bad breath?
- Phoebe You know him?
- Prue: Uh, I think I killed him.
- Piper: Leo and I are moving. (Everyone puts down their papers.) Thinking of moving, out of the manor. Um, milk?
- Prue: Excuse me?
- Phoebe: Wait a minute. Life altering plans can not be squeezed in between 'pass the newspaper' and 'who ate the Special K?'.
- Phoebe So why bother us? Why not just jump in front of nine buses?
- Prue: Because we must be the only ones strong enough to kill him.
- Piper: And he knew where to find us. What are we in the Warlock's Guide to San Francisco?
- Phoebe: Saved by the meow! You know, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at Kit in the same way or get undressed in front of him, for that matter.
- Phoebe: Oops. I think I just killed the warlock again.
- Piper: Phoebe!
- Piper: You know, I don't wanna be one of those old married lepers that nobody thinks if fun anymore.
- Prue: You've never been fun, Piper.
- Piper: I've always been fun, Prue. I am just Mrs. Fun now.
- Phoebe: (Flashback) I'm not sure what my future holds, but it's not in San Francisco. We all know that the only thing I add to this threesome is trouble.
- Piper: Sharp painful implement?
- Prue: Check.
- Phoebe: Ooh! Nice choice.
- Piper: So what is our level of confidence in this plan?
- Phoebe: Well, on a scale from one to ten, ten being we whoop ass, one being he laughs at us while we're on fire and naked...
- Piper: Maybe you should lie to me.
- Shadow: Wait a minute, do you think I'm an idiot? You've got something up your sleeve.
- Phoebe: Hello, sleeveless!
- Piper: Was that for good?
- Prue: Well, if it wasn't, he's really gonna miss his ear, 'cause it looks like part of it's dripping off the clock.
- Piper: Yuck.
- Prue: It’ll be just like having your own place.
- Phoebe: Except with your sisters right down the hall!
- Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:
- Beloved unknown spirit,
- We seek your guidance,
- We ask that you commune with us
- And move amongst us.
- Beloved unknown spirit,
- Prue: I'm sorry, this just seems so callous. I mean, you just lost your life and we're treating you like 411.
- Witch: It's okay. It's just... I'm at peace now. The ones I loved - when someone's taken from you, suddenly there are no goodbyes.
- Prue: Something we're all too familiar with.
- Ariel: At its core, evil exists for one reason: to spread loss. Be careful not to lose each other. Take care and blessed be.
- Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:
- Nine times this evil's cheated death,
- Felt no pain and kept his breath,
- This warlock standing in our midst,
- Let him feel the pain he missed.
- Nine times this evil's cheated death,
Sin Francisco
[edit]- Phoebe: Wait a minute, are you telling me you're actually looking for trouble now? Prue, what happened to putting more balance in your life? You know, less wicca wonder, more Prue.
- Prue: Listen, I shot a magazine cover yesterday, I had a date last night and this morning I'm searching for evil. You can't get more balanced than that.
- Phoebe: Right, just your typical everyday cosmo girl!
- Phoebe: Oh my god! It's the coffee maker I wanted.
- Prue: Phoebe it's just the carton.
- Phoebe: Oh. See I need you, you just protected me from making a fool of myself.
- Prue: Now there's a full time job.
- Piper: Leo, you're a genius, what would we do without him?
- Prue: Oh, I dunno. I guess our lives wouldn't be the smooth running carefree existence that they are today.
- Prue: The three of us can handle the box.
- Phoebe: Are you sure?
- Prue: Yes! Go. Although you might want to change into, oh I don't know.. clothes, an actual shirt?
- Prue: A-a-are you drinking in the middle of the day?
- Piper: Well, I was a little bummed about this sin thing, so I thought I deserved a little indulgence. Would you like a bit of bubbly?
- Piper: Oh, no, don't tell me we got infected with those sin thingys.
- Phoebe: My ethics professor threw me out of class.
- Prue: What happened?
- Phoebe: One minute I was telling him why my paper was late, and the next thing I knew I was unzipping his pants with my teeth.
- Prue: Oh, Phoebe. You do know that charming the pants off someone is just a figure of speech, don't you?
- Prue: Unfortunately, what got into you was lust, as in the sin of.
- Piper: What, now you think we were infected?
- Prue: Hello, gluttony, table for one.
- Prue: Everything's under control, don't worry about a thing. I've got it all under control. Hi, he needs medical attention. The Pastor's inside, I kicked his ass. He needs attention too, he's knocked out.
- Prue: Yeah, well, my sin's not nearly as fun as yours.
- Phoebe: Wait, your sin, I thought you didn't get hit.
- Prue: Well, that was the pride talking and it almost got me killed already.
- Phoebe: Pride? You didn't seem all that different.
- Prue: Oh really, well back at ya.
- Prue: Hey! Be nice. I don't want to talk about sin tonight.
- Phoebe: Me neither!
- Prue: So, this is a pretty interesting band. What's their name?
- Piper: Orgy.
The Demon Who Came in from the Cold
[edit]- Phoebe: I don't think we're gonna be able to pull this off.
- Leo: We have to.
- Prue: We've been in tighter jams than this before.
- Phoebe: But we're running out of time, I don't think we're gonna make it.
- Prue: Phoebe, we can do this, okay? I mean, if we just get a quick bite to eat at Red's, we can still make the 9:30 Faithless at the Avalon.
- Cole: Save it. You can't stop the brotherhood with a little research and your basic kick, freeze and magical move. No offence intended.
- Piper: Some taken.
- Prue: Alright, look. This whole voting together thing would be really, really cute if it weren't so annoying. I mean, maybe your guys votes should just count as one from now on.
- Piper: Bet you wouldn't mind if we were voting with ya.
- Phoebe: They'll track your shimmer.
- Cole: Not if we meet in the mausoleum. That's the second safest place I know.
- Phoebe: What's the safest?
- Cole: With you.
- Piper: Wait a minute, so Cole is risking his life to maintain stock portfolios?
- Piper: Wouldn't it be nice to save the world at a decent hour?
- Piper: Well, since plan A is going so well, I'd love to hear about plan B...assuming that you have one.
- Prue: I've got part of it, in the freezer.
- Piper: In the freezer? Wait, we're gonna fight the brotherhood with Ben & Jerry's?
- Phoebe: What is that?
- Piper: Demon-Be-Gone.
Exit Strategy
[edit]- Leo: Honey, we don't need a passport to honeymoon in Paris. With a blink of an orb, we can be sipping champagne at the Champs Elysees.
- Piper: Yes, as romantic as you make that sound, I would rather fly Air France, than Air Leo. Just like every other normal newlywed.
- Leo: Well, great, except that we're not.
- Piper: Well, a passport for you could change all that, if I could just find... voila! Birth certificate. (She holds it up.)
- Leo: Where did you get that?
- Piper: From Dan's old file, the one he put together when he was suspicious of you. You remember him, don't ya?
- Leo: Let's see, perfect hair, cleft chin, tried to steal you away from me? Vaguely, vaguely. This isn't gonna work, I was born in 1924.
- Piper: No, you weren't. Okay, off-white background, black ink... Little trick I learned in high school.
- Leo: You're gonna forge my birth certificate.
- Piper: No. Just going to change one little number. (She white outs the number.) So, 1924 becomes 1974. And just like that, you are fifty years younger. (She writes in the seven.) Wait a minute, that makes you 27. That's younger than me. Maybe I should change another number.
- Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal.
- Piper: Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay? Let's not get technical now.
- Prue: (walks into kitchen) Morning. What's up?
- Leo: Oh, probably 3 to 5 years in jail if we're lucky.
- Phoebe: Piper?
- Prue: Uh, okay, was it a demon?
- Piper: No, it was watermelon!
- Phoebe: Honey, why did you vanquish watermelon?
- Piper: I didn't vanquish watermelon. I threw it up in the air and I tried to freeze it and it exploded.
- Piper: I don't know what is up with me. Every time I try to freeze, I flame!
- Jenna: I'm just thrilled to meet you. I mean, I've heard of the Charmed Ones, of course, but I just thought I'd never dream I'd...
- Prue: Nearly die with us? Yes, well, welcome to our lives.
- Piper: Check her out, whipping it up like it's Tollhouse Cookies. Maybe after she fixes Phoebe she could fix me.
- Prue: Piper, you don't need fixing.
- Piper: Uh, if it's taking the Elders this long to tell Leo what's wrong with me, then I definitely need fixing.
- Piper: Leo should have been back by now. It must mean my powers are screwed forever. They're punishing me.
- Jenna: You're a fulfillment of a great prophecy. Why punish you?
- Piper: Oh, forgery. Wanting to have a normal life. Getting pissed off. By next week I'll be walking around like Carrie at the prom.
- Prue: You look like hell.
- Cole: You have no idea.
- Piper: Sorry about knocking you out. Nothing personal.
- Prue: Yeah, well, at least you didn't blow me up.
- Piper: Yeah, I was kinda relieved too.
- (Prue pops the attic door open, and she, Piper and Phoebe rush in. While Prue and Piper run to Leo, Phoebe stares at Belthazor.)
- Belthazor: Phoebe ...
- Piper: (bending over Leo) What did you do to him?! (Belthazor changes back into Cole)
- Phoebe: I saw what you did.
- Cole: It's not what it looks like, it wasn't ...
- Phoebe: Janna is dead and Leo is unconscious. What else could it be?
- Cole: Raynor forced me. I had no choice.
- Phoebe: There's always a choice, Cole!
- Cole: (looks at the potion) The potion. (reaches for it, but Phoebe grabs it) Before it's too late ...
- Phoebe: It's already too late. You killed an innocent woman, there is no turning back from that.
- Cole: I didn't wanna kill her, you've gotta understand that. I can still be good.
- Phoebe: There's nothing good in you anymore.
- Prue: Maybe there never was. You have to read the spell to activate the amulets, right? I mean, Cole, maybe that was your plan all along, to get the Book.
- Piper: But evil can't use the amulets or the Book.
- Phoebe He could have if he'd stripped his powers. (her voice raising) Is that why you wanted the potion, Cole? So you could get the spell and use the amulets against us?!
- Cole: Phoebe, you've gotta believe me.
- Piper: I think she's believed you one too many times.
- Cole: Stay outta this! This is between her and me.
- Phoebe: There's nothing between us anymore.
- Cole: Phoebe, don't let Raynor take this away from us. Don't let him win.
- Phoebe: Raynor didn't set me up. You set me up. What am I supposed to do?
- Cole: (reaches for the potion) Please, save me.
- Phoebe: Save yourself. (She smashes the potion to the ground. Cole sullenly stares at the sisters, and shimmers out.)
- Prue: For Liza, a lost sister, may her spirit soar.
- Piper: For Jenna, our lost friend, may we meet again.
- Phoebe: For Cole, a lost love, may you find peace.
- Leo: Well, I don't have news but I do have a passport.
- Piper: You went back?
- Leo: Yeh well, I was thinking with everything that's happened and with your new power making life a little crazy.. alright crazier, i figured the least i could do is make it somewhat normal.
- Piper: Are you sure?
- Leo: Anything that it takes to get you on a plane to Paris.
- Piper: Ah, you know what? I think we should wait on that. I wouldn't want to like sneeze at 40,000 feet and have a whole bunch of people explode, that would be bad.
Look Who's Barking
[edit]- Phoebe: Well, I'm single again, so I have no choice but to live vicariously through your love life.
- Prue: Wow, I'd pick a better love life if I were you. Lately mine's been rated PG for Pretty Grim.
- Phoebe: That's because nobody makes it past the threshold Prue. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you're out there looking, but you can't keep saving yourself for Mr. Right. I need more vicarious thrills than that.
- Phoebe: You can't stay down there forever.
- Piper: Yes I can.
- Phoebe: No you can't, you have a club to run and a husband who can't stand to live without you.
- Prue: That's right. And, and two sisters who need you to cook for them and fight evil with them.
- Phoebe: Okay, do you want her to come up or do you want her to stay down there?
- Prue: I think that you're barking up the wrong demon.
- Piper: So what do we do, wear earplugs?
- Phoebe: Oh, she’s such a pretty dog.
- Piper: What else did you expect?
- Leo: A Doberman? (Prue growls) Easy!
- Piper: Honey, watch your orbs.
- Phoebe: This is worse than I thought.
- Piper: Prue, no! No-no-no-no, very bad, Prue. Very, very bad Prue.
- (Prue growls)
- Piper: Hi, Cujo, who you growling at?
- Leo: Maybe I'd better go check with the Elders, see if they know how to vaquish a banshee.
- Phoebe: Wait a minute, don't tell me you're afraid of Prue.
- Leo: Yeah!!
- Piper: I never imagined anything like this could ever happen to us.
- Phoebe: All I know is this can't go on much longer.
- Piper: So, what we are gonna do?
- Phoebe: Rock paper scissors?
- Piper: No way, you already lost.
- Phoebe: Two out of three!
- Piper: Uh-uh.
- Phoebe: This is so humiliating.
- Leo: Are you okay?
- Piper: Am I okay? Prue is a dog, and Phoebe is a banshee. I am not even in the vicinity of "okay". How did this happen? What am I supposed to do? And, you know, you could have told me about the witches turn into banshees thing a little bit earlier.
- Leo: Honey, just try and relax.
- Piper: Would you stop telling me to relax! [blows up sewing machine] That was Grams's sewing machine...!
- Leo: Well, we don't have time for you to lose it.
- Piper: Well, too bad, because I am losing it whether we have time for it or not.
- Leo: Listen to me, we have to save Phoebe before she hurts anyone. If she kills just one person, she will stay a banshee forever.
- Piper: Okay, could you give me all the bad news at once? Do you have to keep doling it out for dramatic effect?
- Leo: We have to find Phoebe.
- Piper: How, without Prue to track her?
- Leo: We'll find a way. You can do this, Piper.
- Piper: No, actually, I can't. See, 'cause Prue and Phoebe are the superwitches, and I just tag along and freeze things, and now I can't even do that right.
- Prue: What are you doing?
- Piper: I think you've got fleas.
- Prue: You know what, that is so not funny, cause I think I do.
- Piper: I think you do.
- Prue: Okay, you have no idea how hard it was being a dog, okay, I mean, peeing outside, eating everything and anything, and just smelling everything...
- Piper: Must have been ruff! No pun intended.
- Prue: Aha... aha... Well, at least I got to meet a really cute guy.
- Piper: You met a guy?
- Prue: Mmhmm...
- Piper: As a dog?!
- Prue: Mmhmm...
- Piper: How?!
- Prue: Well, he ran me over.
- Piper: Prue and Phoebe are the super witches, and I just tag along and freeze things, and now I can't even do that right.
- Piper: We need your help. Phoebe's been turned into a Banshee.
- Cole: A Banshee? Huh...that's different.
All Hell Breaks Loose
[edit]- Piper: Ok, I think we made it. I'm sure we made it. You think we made it?
- Prue: I don't know.
- Phoebe: I think he would attack by now if we haven't.
- Dr. Griffiths: Who? Who would attack? Why don't you tell me what's going on?
- Phoebe: Because we're busy trying to save your life.
- Dr. Griffiths: From who?
- Prue: Ah, unfortunately, we're not pretty sure.
- Piper: That's because Phoebe didn't give us enough time to figure it out.
- Phoebe: Well, I didn't have a lot of time. I mean, I can't control how far in the future my premonition takes place. I saw the attack, we kicked butt, what more do you want?
- Piper: I'd like to know more about who we're up against.
- Prue: Ok, Phoebe, maybe you should check the Book of Shadows, see you can find anything else about this demonic hitman, OK?
- Dr. Griffiths: Excuse me? Demonic?
- Piper: And how to vanquish him, that will be a good thing to know. And do not exined trap with the Cole potion thing. Because the only one we conserve about saving, right now, is ourselves.
- Prue: Ah? A, a, a OK...What Cole potion?
- Piper: Ah, he told her that he only kills because some demon cast a spell on him. How naive is that?
- Prue: I thought that she is all over him.
- Piper: Apparently not.
- Dr. Griffiths: What a hell are you talking about? First you tell me my life is in danger, than you adopt me from my work. Now you talk about demons and witches - who the hell are you people?!
- Prue: Look, I know this all sounds incredible, but it doesn't make it any less true. You are a healer, you do good, you saved too many lives or you could save that which they don't want you to save.
- Dr. Griffiths: They?
- Prue: Yes, demons, more specifically, Shax, who is the Source's assassin.
- Dr. Griffthis: Hold on. I get that. This is a practical joke, right? I bet you have a hidden camera here. My second wife put you up to this? Ah, just like her.
- Prue: Ah, OK, Doctor Griffiths, this is anything but...
- Piper: What?
- Prue: I don't know, I just...felt a chill. Phoebe?
- Phoebe: Alright, alright, I am coming.
- Prue: Phoebe!
- Piper: Phoebe!
- Piper: Ah!
- Dr. Griffiths: Dear God!
- Prue: No!
- Piper: Prue! Ha! Aah.
- Dr. Griffiths: What are you?
- Shax: The end.
- Phoebe:
- Evil wind that blows,
- That which forms below,
- No longer may you dwell,
- Death takes you with this spell.
- Phoebe: Oh, no. Oh, God. Leo! Leo! Hurry, it's bad.
- Prue: Oh.
- Piper: Ahh, what happened?
- Leo: You almost dead, that's what happened.
- Piper: Yeah, what else is new?
- Prue: Oh, where's Shax?
- Phoebe: I tried to use the vanquishing spell on him. But I think I just wounded him, he turned into the wind.
- Prue: Maybe the spell needs more than one witch for full effect. Ah, OK, come on.
- Piper: Come on, come on, where?
- Prue: Let's go find him. So we can finish it off while he still hurt. Look, you just stay here with Griffiths, alright? If Shax comes back, say the spell to fend him off. OK, come on.
- Piper: If you ask me, I think you're being paranoid. We kicked Shax's ass. We bad.
- Prue: You're banking an awful lot on that little potion of yours.
- Phoebe: No, I'm not. I'm banking on Cole.
- Piper: Hello Leo, nice of you to orb in...where've you been?!
- Cole: Phoebe, we tried it up there, it doesn't work for us.
- Phoebe:So where does that leave us?
- Cole: Right where we are.
- Piper: Look at all these interview requests we're getting. Ted Coppell, Time Magazine, Jerry Springer. Sports Illustrated?
- Darryl: Yea, they probably want you for the swimsuit edition. Just kidding.
- Prue: Alright, this thing has to end now, okay? The media is turning it into a freakin' circus.
- Leo: Now you know why the Elders have always been highly concerned about exposure.
- Piper: Okey-dokey, now we know.
- Piper: Okay, so Oprah or Barbara? Barbara makes you cry. We go with Oprah.
- Prue: And you, why don't you go whitelight a fire underneath your bosses' butts.
- Piper: We're gonna do talk shows and book signings and movie deals, and then be taken by the C.I.A. and be dissected.
- Prue: How can you be joking about this?
- Piper: Who's joking?
- Prue: Well, I'm not. Alright, I'm scared. And you should be too. Okay, our lives, Piper, everything that we've worked for could be completely destroyed with-with one stupid mistake. Our entire future , our entire destiny could be wiped out just like that.
- Alice: Hi my name is Alice, Alice Hicks. I've been trying to contact you. I want to join your coven.
- Prue: What are you, nuts? This is our home, get out of here!
- Alice: I killed the wicked witch. The wicked witch is dead!
- Prue: They killed her Leo... they think we're the demons now.
- Prue: I don't know, I felt a chill. Phoebe, are you there? Phoebe, where are you?!
- Prue: No!
- Dr. Griffiths: What are you?
- Shax: The end.
Season 4
[edit]Charmed Again, Pt 1
[edit]- Phoebe: Piper?
- Piper: Prue?
- Phoebe: Sweetie, it's four o'clock in the morning, what are you doing? You're bleeding.
- Piper: I don't understand why magic can't fix this. And why we can't bring Prue back. It's not like we haven't cheated death before. I don't understand why this time isn't any different.
- Phoebe: Because Leo can't heal the dead, Piper. You know that.
- Piper: There's other magic, magic that we've used before. It's like the book just deserted us and deserted Prue, and I don't understand why.
- Phoebe: We lost our sister. How can we ever understand that? We have tried every magical way to bring her back. But we can't. She's gone. I just thank God that I didn't lose you too. Now, we have to get some rest, Prue will never forgive us if we look bad at her funeral.
- Paige: I'm so sorry for your lost.
- Phoebe: Thank you. How did you know Prue? From work?
- Paige: No. Just from around. You know...
- Phoebe: Have we met before?
- Paige: No, I don't... I don't think so. Anyway, my condolences.
- Phoebe: Thank you. (She shakes Paige's hand -- then gets hit with a powerful premonition: Paige is on a skyscraper rooftop helipad. She screams as she squeezes her eyes shut in fear as the demon Shax gestures and sends a concessive blast toward her to kill her. She stumbles to the floor after her premonition ends.)
- Piper: Phoebe!
- Leo: Phoebe?
- (Piper, Leo, Victor, and Cole rush over to her as Paige, oblivious, but not wanting to stick around, leaves. Leo and Victor help Phoebe stand up.)
- Piper: Are you all right?
- Phoebe: I saw him! The demon that killed Prue.
- Leo: Shax? What was he doing?
- Phoebe: He was killing that girl.
- Piper: What girl?
- Phoebe: The one who I was just talking to. I gotta go find her!
- (Bounty Hunters 2 suddenly materialize on either side of Cole and immediately fire lightning bolts at him. Cole dives, just barely avoiding the bolts, which blow up the altar.)
- Leo: Go! Go!
- (Leo pulls her behind a pillar for safety. Victor looks on in disbelief. Cole rolls, comes up firing, vanquishing Bounty Hunter #2, but Bounty Hunter #3 appears. Before he can kill Cole, though, Phoebe runs up and knocks him to the ground with an expert martial arts move. She then hides behind a statue.)
- Piper: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Damnit! This is Prue's funeral for God's sake! Can we at least bury her in peace?! Is that too much to ask?!
- (She knocks over a vase of flowers. She then storms out in tears.)
- Phoebe: I don't see her anywhere.
- Leo: Who?
- Phoebe: The girl from my preminition.
- (A passing mourner, overhearing that, quietly reacts. Leo, seeing that, pulls Phoebe to the main stairs, where they can have some privacy.)
- Leo: Phoebe, you gotta be more careful.
- Phoebe: I'm sorry.
- Cole: You sure don't recognize her from anywhere?
- Phoebe: Well, she did look familiar like I've seen her somewhere before. But somehow, we got to find her before nightfall, or else…
- (Phoebe slides a flower vase over an inch, then back again. Cole gently grabs her arm with a concerned look.)
- Cole: Honey, what are you doing?
- Phoebe: Uh, cleaning.
- Cole: But you don't clean. You hate cleaning.
- Phoebe: I know. But it's better than falling apart, right?
- Leo: Maybe you should just try and focus on a girl, you said she was attacked on a rooftop?
- Phoebe: Yeah, one with the helipad. But it wasn't a tall building, although, there were a lot of taller ones around it.
- Leo: Okay, so we just need to figure out which building it was before Shax does.
- Piper: And do what exatly? You can't defeat Shax, not without the Power of Three.
- Phoebe: But you and Prue did.
- Piper: That's because Prue was the strongest. Trying to do without her will be suicide.
- Phoebe: Maybe so. But I got that premonition today for a reason, Piper. That girl is our innocent. So we have to try and save her.
- Piper: Says who?! Why do we have to?
- Leo: Piper...
- Piper: What? Do you really expect us to keep doing this stuff, after what happened, to keep risking our lives?! Do they?!
- Leo: Piper, keep your voice down...
- Piper: No, Leo, I won't! I don't want to do this anymore, okay? It's over! You can tell them we buried their precious Charmed Ones when we buried our sister.
- Piper: Grams!
- Grams: Hello, my darling. How are you?
- Piper: How am I? Are you kidding? Do you guys not get the news up there?
- Grams: I meant... How are you holding up?
- Piper: Not very well. I'm a little...lost. Why didn't you come before when I called after...?
- Grams: I couldn't, Piper. I was... busy.
- Piper: You were busy?
- Grams: I was with Prue.
- Piper: Oh, of course you were, that makes sense. Is she okay?
- Grams: Your mother and I are helping her through this.
- Piper: But how is she?
- Grams: I'm not allow to tell you now, just like you're not allow to see her. At least not for a while, anyway.
- Piper: Why?
- Grams: Because seeing Prue right now, speaking to her, keeps her alive for you. Which keeps you from being able to move on with your life... to continue your destiny.
- Piper: What destiny?! Okay, it's over, it's done, Prue is gone, and I...
- Grams: I know, sweetie, I know. But if there's one thing you learned over the last three years it's that there's always a reason for everything. Which means, there's a reason for this, too. Your destiny still awaits. Blessed be.
- Piper: I'm not angry. I am pissed off! Don't you understand? You healed the wrong sister! You saved me because I'm your damn wife, and you should've saved her because she was the best! Because she... you should... Why did they put us through so much for it to end this way?
- Piper: She's been there my whole life. I've always had a big sister. And I don't know how to live without one.
- Paige: Oh, never mind. It's boring. All right, but if I tell you all about Paige and you use it against me, I will get out my voodoo doll and make you sorry you're a man. So my sad story is that I'm adopted, only it's not so sad because I loved my parents, God rest. So after they died, I went searching for my birth mother, hoping to get some answers. I went to the police station, found the church where I was dumped at… I checked around. I figured she must've lived near here, you know? They even thought I might've been… related to the Halliwell sisters for a minute, but their Mom died a long time ago, so I gave up on that.
- Shane: Well, did you ever meet the sisters, ask them about it or…
- Paige: Yeah right. "Hi. I think your Mom might've abandoned me at birth. What's for dinner?" No. I don't think so.
- Phoebe: Hey, you okay?
- Piper: Yeah, sure, why not? We could have another funeral tomorrow. I mean, all the dishes are out, and we pretty much know who to invite.
- Phoebe: Piper...
- Piper: Just tell me one thing. Are you insane or are you just plain stupid? We bury Prue this morning and you go off tonight and nearly join her. What the hell is the matter with you?!
- Phoebe: I was trying to save the innocent.
- Piper: No. You were trying to get yourself killed, which is what this family does best is get killed. Isn't it obvious by now that our only destiny is to die? And you are making it way too easy for them, Phoebe. You are just walking right into it!
- Phoebe: I am so sorry.
- Piper: I can not handle anything right now and I certainly cannot handle losing another sister.
- (finding out that there is a possibility that the Charmed Ones can be reconstituted following Prue's death, Piper furiously marches up to the attic)
- Phoebe: What's going on?
- Piper: I'm going to ask Grams what's going on, actually.
- Phoebe: Grams?
- Piper: Mm-hmm! Your destiny still awaits, she says. There's a reason for everything, she says. So now it's time to summon her transparent butt back here and find out exactly what that reason is!
- Phoebe: Okay, but what would...
- Piper: (tensely reciting the spell, interrupting Phoebe loudly) Hear these words, hear my cry, spirit from the other side. Come to me, I summon thee, (angrily) cross now the Great DIVIDE!
- Grams: Piper, why are you calling? Phoebe? What's going on?
- Patty: It happened after your father and I were divorced, when Sam and I were together.
- Cole: Sam?
- Leo: Her whitelighter.
- Cole: Hmm. Apples don't fall far from the forbidden tree, I see.
- Piper: Shh!
- Grams: Alright, fine, You've caught us, congratulations! So what are you going to do about us, shoot us?
- Phoebe: Easy, Grams! Not all of us are dead, remember?
- Cole: And I thought my family was screwed up.
- Phoebe: ...We call the spirits to help undo and send him off to… Timbuktu! Woah, it worked!
- Piper: Timbuktu? You sent him to Timbuktu?!
- Phoebe: It was the only thing I could think of that rhymed with 'undo'.
- Piper: Yeah, I'm angry, um, I'm confused, and you know what, this, this is just crazy! You cannot float in here after all these years and go, 'Oh gosh, I forgot, by the way, you've got a sister!' Especially NOT today of all days!
- Phoebe: It's not enough. Shax was just the messenger. We need to get The Source.
- Paige: The Source of what?
- Piper: Of All Evil.
Charmed Again, Pt 2
[edit]- Leo: It's kind of hard to heal myself when I'm knocked out.
- Phoebe: Leo, how is possible for an angel to even get knocked out? I mean, you are, after all, technically dead.
- Leo: Three years together, and now you're asking these questions?
- Phoebe: Well…
- Piper: I think the more appropriate question is, how does a whitelighter get somebody knocked up?
- Phoebe: Sister witch.
- Piper: Half-witch, half-whitelighter. Let's not forget that little surprise.
- Paige: Let's just say, when I wanted to find out who I was, I didn't want to find out I was a freak.
- Mr. Cowan: This is none of your business. You're an assisstant, not a social worker.
- Paige: That's because you're too cheap to make me one.
- Phoebe: So, perhaps the whitelighter in her makes it work differently.
- Piper: Half breed.
- Piper: I guess blood's a little thicker than evil.
- Phoebe: Why did you come to Prue's funeral? I mean, you never even met her right?
- Paige: No, I never did. I don't want this to be taken the wrong way, but, I just feel like part of me lost her too. I just.. I felt drawn to her, to all you guys. I guess it was just part of me trying to find out who I was.
Hell Hath No Fury
[edit]- Piper: Okay, turn left up here. And can you step on the gas a little?
- (makes a sharp turn and almost collides with a taxi cab.)
- Phoebe: Off the gas! Off the gas!
- Cole: Does somebody else want to drive here?
- Phoebe: Two witches and a half-a-demon does not the power of three make.
- Leo: Piper, I can't help you unless you talk to me.
- Piper: It hurts to talk, Leo... it hurts to breathe...so unless you know some way of how to bring Prue back, I don't wanna talk right now.
- Phoebe: Instead of teaching Paige how to be a witch, we're out hunting for every Tom, Dick and Beelzebub in San Francisco.
- Cole: If it's the Source, I'll just ask him to come back later.
- Phoebe: Piper, Cole's right. We have a system for fighting demons and it's worked pretty well for the last three years.
- Piper: I think, uh, Prue being killed counts as a pretty big glitch in the system.
- Cole: She has no regard for her life, or anyone else's. She's Charles Bronson cubed.
- Leo: I said I'd talk to her.
- Phoebe: Guys, guys. Who is Charles Bronson?
- (Leo and Cole look at each other incredulously)
- Phoebe: Never mind.
- Piper: Evil got the Book of Shadows. How did evil get the Book of Shadows?
- Phoebe: Oh no.
- Piper: Oh no, Phoebe? Evil got the Book of Shadows, 'oh no' doesn't quite cover it.
- Cole: Let me go see what I can find out... (stopped by Phoebe)
- Phoebe: No, wait... Uh, Piper? Promise me you're not gonna over-react.
- Piper: Is that even possible?
- Phoebe: I think that, uh, maybe... (gulps) well, it might-might be feasible that, uh, (takes in a deep breath) Paige... borrowed the book.
- Piper: What? Why-why... why... Why would you think that?!
- Phoebe: See, now, this is what I meant by over-reacting, it's just that I...
- Cole: You let Paige take the Book of Shadows out of the manor.
- Phoebe: Well, no, I did not let her! It's just she left pretty quick and... it looks like she might've... (points to the open attic window)
- Piper: Out of the window?!
- Phoebe: Piper, I...
- Piper: Phoebe, why would you even leave her alone with it?!
- Phoebe: Well, because she's our sister.
- Piper: (chuckles, then stops abruptly) Not for long! (stalks out)
- (Phoebe follows Piper out of the door, only to return again to Cole, who is sitting on a chair)
- Phoebe: Aren't you coming?
- Cole: To vanquish your sister? (scoffs lightly) I think I'll sit this one out.
- (Phoebe leaves while Cole twiddles his thumbs.)
- Piper: You are so... (notices Paige's overlarge breasts) busted?!
- Phoebe: Woo... hello!
- Piper: You stole our sacred book, so you could perform magical plastic surgery on yourself?
- Piper: What happened?!
- Paige: I don't know, they just... grew.
- Piper: (as Phoebe scoffs) Oh, right, and-and you had nothing to do with that.
- Phoebe: Did you cast any spells?
- Paige: One... (reluctantly after a pause) Five...
- Piper: Five?!
- Phoebe: Okay, what did you do just before you turned into Betty Boop?
- Paige: Tell her, Piper. It's all right to hate her.
- (Piper shakes her head once and turns to leave, angrily pulling against chained doors.)
- Paige: You should hate her. When my parents died, I hated them. I was alone, and I hated them. It is okay to hate Prue!
- Piper: (seemingly to Paige) How dare you! (suddenly turns and begins to beat her hands against Prue's gravestone) How dare you leave me! How could you go and die and leave me here all alone, please come back! I need you, please come back... (breaks down sobbing while turning back human)
- Leo: It's okay, it's gonna be okay, honey.
- Piper: It's not 'okay', she risked her life every day and she never thought about what would happen to me and Phoebe if she was gone.
- Leo: I know...
- Piper: How could she think... that I could live without her?
- Piper: So, how scary was I?
- Phoebe: Heck, I've seen worse. I've been worse.
- Piper: With everything that happens in our lives, love just feels like an invitation for more pain.
- Phoebe: Well... maybe you don't start with love. Maybe you just start with 'thanks'.
- Piper: (noticing Paige's scratch) You know, Leo could fix that for you.
- Paige: It's my first war wound, think I'll wear it with pride.
- Paige: It'll never be okay that she's gone, Piper. But I promise it will get better.
- Piper: Paige, there are rules to being a witch, rules that you will have to learn and follow.
- Paige: Well, not to be difficult, but... you're married to our Whitelighter and Phoebe's shacking up with a demon. So, on balance, maybe my friend could stay cute?
- Mr. Cowan: My, my, my. That pile looks about the same size as it did about an hour ago.
- Piper: Oh, that was my fault. I distracted her with muffins.
- Mr. Cowan: And you are?
- Piper: I'm her sister.
Enter the Demon
[edit]- Piper: Okay. After mixing your potions, what's the best method to preserve unused sea slugs for future use? A) Pickle them, B) Sugar them, C) Smoke them, D) Freeze dry them.
- Paige: Well now, you see, if I had extra sea slugs, I'd let those little suckers go right on back into the ocean.
- Piper: Paige, don't be make me the wicked witch of the northwest. I didn't ask for this big sister gig and frankly it sucks. But since I'm on a roll, you should get rid of that lollipop habit because it's going to rot your teeth.
- Paige: Next up, some powered toadstool. Bam! Let's kick it up one more notch.
- Leo: Whoa, what are you doing?
- Paige: You know, just preparing for the Source.
- Leo: Oh, is he coming over for dinner?
- Mason: He said that if he doesn't hurry up and make you a social worker, you'll probably quit and start your own agency. That or end up in jail. He wasn't sure which.
- Piper: I smell something witchy.
- Paige: My God, what did you have for dinner?
- Phoebe: Kung Pao Chicken. Sorry.
- Yun Lo: Oh, it's you... black belt Barbie.
- Leo: Well, here comes your personal trainer from hell.
- Piper: Literally.
- Phoebe: So what's on our training shedule today? light sabers?
Size Matters
[edit]- Piper: Okay, well like it or not, there have been a lot of changes lately, and this is hardly the biggest.
- Phoebe: Ooh, speak of the devil/whitelighter/witch.
- Phoebe: It's not fair, you shouldn't carry the financial burden.
- Piper: I will worry about the source of our income, if you worry about the Source of all evil.
- Phoebe: Damn it! I am only going to say this once, the real world better start showing me some respect otherwise I'm going to stop saving it every week!
- Leo: What happened?
- Phoebe: I just had the worst job interview for a position that a monkey could fill, provided that the monkey could explain why it needed flexible work hours.
- Piper: It's okay, P3 doesn't exist anymore.
- Piper: Are you siding with Paige now?
- Leo: Hey, there's no sides. And, yes.
- Piper: Do not go into that house. Did you hear me? I said do not go in. It is like talking to a wall!
- Leo: She's got the Halliwell hearing.
- Piper: Well, speaking for my Great Aunt Sylvia, who collect Hummells. When they have a hard time dealing with real people, figurines can be their best friends.
- Leo: Yeah, but being socially awkward doesn’t land you in the Book of Shadows.
- Piper: Well then we need to find Paige, and hope that she's not in trouble, so we can find Phebe and hope that she's not in trouble.
- Bouncer: Hold it! You can’t go in there.
- Piper: Excuse me?
- Bouncer: It’s the VIP area.
- Piper: Oh! You're assuming because I'm not tall, tattooed, or big breasted that I'm not important. That's a bad assumption see, 'cos I own this club which makes me a V.V.VIP!
- Claudia: Oh, my gosh. How did you do that?
- Phoebe: The Power of Three.
- Piper: The Power of point-Three.
- Leo: Okay, well then there's just one more thing that we need to tie up.
- Piper: Oh, okay.
- Phoebe: Uh, Leo what are you looking for?
- Leo: Something very important.
- Paige: Broken glass?
- Leo: Broken glass that needs healing. Here it is. It's up to you.
- Piper: Can you do it? Well, then do it. It looks like P3's back.
- Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:
- Small of mind,
- Big of woe,
- The pain you caused,
- You now will know.
- Small of mind,
- Piper: Oh, he's way too big for my tiny magic.
A Knight to Remember
[edit]- Phoebe: Look at me. I look like a drowned rat! I need my blow dryer.
- Piper: Pretend you’re camping.
- Phoebe: I hate camping.
- Piper: Phoebe, we can’t just schedule vanquishes. Okay, demon attacks don’t usually fit into the day planners.
- Glen: Can’t you just be a little late?
- Paige: I already am a little late.
- Glen: Can’t you be a lot late?
- Leo: Yeah, she's home... She's just a little, indisposed at the moment.
- Piper: Wait, you watch? What are you, like a peeping angel?
- Leo: Wha.. I didn't see anything
- Piper:Ahh
- Leo: Alright just a little but how else am i supposed to protect her
- Phoebe: But we could do something about it if we were together, you know, if we lived together 'cos that’s when we’re the strongest. What do you say?
- Paige: Are you two out of your freakin’ minds?
- Piper: Don’t people storm out of the house when they’re angry...?
- Phoebe: The Evil Enchantress?
- Paige: That's it! That's the evil witch, the one who kills the Prince, after he gets her pregnant, of course.
- Piper: Of course!
- Paige:
- Bring together my Prince and me,
- Let him fall on bended knee,
- I summon him to my side,
- That he may take me to be his destined bride.
- Bring together my Prince and me,
- Paige: Piper, do that thing you do.
- Piper: I don't wanna blow him up.
- Paige: Well risk it, he's using his tongue!
- Piper: Paige! The Charmed Ones come first!
- Phoebe: The Charmed Ones come first?
- Piper: It always worked when Prue said it.
- Phoebe: He’s wandering around in chain mail?
- Piper: It’s San Francisco. No one will notice.
- Piper: So why is Sir Lust-a-Lot after you?
- Paige: How should I know?
- Piper: Well, because it's your damn fairy tale and it's alive and frozen in our kitchen.
- Leo: This is who you are Paige, you know that. Why are you running from it?
- Paige: Oh gee, I don't know. Being hunted by the Source, ducking the Furies and being shrunk by a psycho demon, not to mention being chased after by a bedtime story. I don't know why I wouldn't want the rest of my life to be just like that.
- Piper: Leo, we are up to our pointy little hats in demonic problems here!
- Prince: I will not leave until you are with child.
- Paige: Okay, a) I always use protection and b) You're a fairy tale! Just keep that sword of yours sheathed pal.
- Phoebe: Defiant, clever, and independent. That kind of describes Paige, don't you think?
- Piper: Yeah, along with stubborn, stubborn, and more stubborn.
- Phoebe: What if Paige was the Evil Enchantress once upon a time?
- Leo: What the hell happened here?
- Phoebe: Paige's past life almost killed us. That's what happened here.
- Prince: Just tell me what you want and I will give it to you, I swear.
- Paige: Can you make me as good as Prue was?
- Paige: Does this mean I'm evil?
- Piper: Yeah.
- Phoebe: No.
- Piper: No.
- (Paige gets in her car. The Enchantress walks down the street. Paige tries to run her over, but the Enchantress repels her car with a blast of wind, popping a tire. Paige gets out.)
- Evil Enchantress: Don't tell me I become good in the future.
- Paige: Damn good. (She pulls the potion out of her purse and throws it, but the Enchantress destroys it with lightning.)
- Evil Enchantress: And here I was, so looking forward to meeting myself. (she blows Paige backward with a blast of wind, knocking her into the car)
- Piper: What are we supposed to do, go back to the Middle Ages or the Dark Ages, or whatever the hell ages those are?
- Evil Enchantress: How did you get here?
- Paige: I'm Charmed.
- Evil Enchantress: Not for long.
- Piper: Leo!
- Phoebe: I thought you were a pacifist.
- Leo: I didn't kill him, did I?
- Piper: I gotta tell you, I find this side of you very sexy.
- Leo: Really?
- Piper: Yeah.
- Phoebe: You've been holding out on us.
- Piper: And they lived happily ever after.
- Phoebe: Yeah right!
- Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:
- Vanquish, we three witches cry,
- One final shock and then you die.
- Vanquish, we three witches cry,
- Prince: Why do you run from me?
- Paige: Why are you chasing me?
- Prince: Because we're meant to be together
- Paige: That is not true! Does this look like King Arthur's court buddy?
- Prince: It doesn't matter, we're meant to conceive an heir my love
- Paige: Stop saying that!
- Phoebe: You guys want some privacy?
- Paige: This is not funny!
Brain Drain
[edit]- Phoebe: Generations of Halliwells have fought demons and had kids. It didn't stop them, why should it stop you?
- Piper: Did it ever occur to you that maybe this is none of your business?
- Phoebe: Oh, that's besides the point.
- Cole: (quietly) What's not supposed to be here?
- (Piper notices a chair in the observatory and blows it up.)
- Phoebe: Piper, I think that was Paige's chair.
- Piper: (satisfactorily) Yeah, I know, it was ugly.
- Paige: What the hell happened?
- Piper: The freakin' furniture just attacked!
- Piper: Evil hiding in plain sight, I use this spell with all my might, to stop your changing form and shape, this vanquish deals your fate.
- Orderly: It doesn't really rhyme does it? Sorry.
- Piper: I'm gonna be sooo happy when I vanquish your sorry ass.
- Piper: Let go of me so I can blow him up. I'm gonna blow you up!
- Piper: Leo! Leo!
- Paige: Will you stop with the Leo Leo, you're driving me crazier than I already am.
- Phoebe: Ahh!
- Piper: What? What is it? What did you see?
- Phoebe: I saw the back of my eyelids, what do you think I saw?
- Paige: Hurry up, looney tunes, get me outta here.
- Phoebe: Sorry...had to grab my broom.
- Piper: For what?
- Phoebe: Well for flying, silly.
- Phoebe: (jumps on broomstick) Another innocent to save!
- Paige: Got milk? Ooh, don't think so.
- Phoebe: & Paige:
- Life to life and mind to mind,
- Our spirits now will intertwine.
- We meld our souls and journey to,
- The one whose thoughts we wish we knew.
- Life to life and mind to mind,
- Phoebe: I think it worked.
- Paige: Either that or we're in Mary Poppins' head.
- Piper:
- From whence they came,
- Return them now,
- Vanish the words,
- Vanish our powers.
- From whence they came,
- Piper: Are you really my husband?
- Leo: Yes.
- Piper: And that would make you two really my sisters?
- Phoebe: Whether you like it or not!
- Paige: What do you say we click our heels and get out of this crazy joint. No offense.
- Phoebe: Is something wrong.
- Piper: No. Everything is just right.
- Paige: Except my chair...
- Piper:Yeah... which, ummm, I'll actually pay to replace.
- Paige: Oh God no. It's not your fault. (Paige pauses) Or is it?
- Piper: Actually, yeah... it is. I was just upset that there was yet another demon in our house, in our lives. And I know I should stop fighting it and just accept it, but...
- Paige: Nah. It wasn't my favorite chair. Besides, it is kinda good to know I am not the only one who struggles with the idea of being a witch.
- Phoebe: No, trust me, you are in good company.
- Leo: Well, the good news is that you won't have to deal with the Source anytime soon, because Cole hurt him pretty bad.
- Cole: Not bad enough though, he'll be back.
- Phoebe: So. (Rubs her hands up and down Cole's chest) He's gone for now. First time in a long time. Maybe we should take advantage of that.
- Cole: (Pulls Phoebe up against him) Why Ms. Haliwell, are you trying to seduce me?
- Phoebe: Always.
- Piper: Ewwww...
- (Phoebe and Cole race up the stairs laughing)
- Paige: Okay... I'm just going to go to the store and get some milk or something...
- (Paige leaves)
- Leo: (to Piper) You sure you're okay?
- Piper: Yeah. I mean, I'm never going to stop wanting a normal life, but I think that's the one thing that actually keeps me sane.
- Leo: Well, you deserve a normal life Piper. We both do. And maybe we'll get that once we banish the Source once and for all.
- Piper: And who knows. Maybe one day I could have a baby shower of my own. What do you think?
- Leo: Well in that case...
- (Leo picks Piper up and cradles her in his arms)
- Piper: Oh!
- Leo: Need to practice a little.
- Piper: Leo!
Black as Cole
[edit]- Paige: So I hear you and Leo are thinking about having a baby.
- Piper: Where did you hear that from?
- Paige: From Phoebe. Oh, did I just break some sort of sister confidentiality clause?
- Piper: No, you didn't. And no, we are not. Keep flipping.
- Paige: You were a demon and a lawyer? Insert joke here.
- Sykes: Belthazor, we meet at last.
- Belthazor: But not for long.
- Phoebe: What do you want?
- Sykes: The same thing you do, only I call him Belthazor.
- Phoebe: Well, just because you're not a demon anymore doesn't mean we can't live in sin.
- Paige: A demon who likes to kill witches. Well, that narrows it down to about every page in the book.
- Piper: We have one clue. We know he likes to use an athame.
- Paige: How does that help?
- Piper: Well, it means he has hands. Keep flipping.
Muse to My Ears
[edit]- Phoebe: Where are you going?
- Piper: P3
- Phoebe: At 9 in the morning, don't club kids sleep in?
- Piper: Corporate party, big money, total nightmare.
- Phoebe: Uh, what if there's an attack?
- Piper: At 9am? Don't demons sleep in?
- Piper: Great, well, I say the only good Source is a dead Source.
- Paige: Who's going to kill us?
- Piper: No one.
- Paige: That's new.
- Paige: Who's attacking us?
- Piper: No one.
- Paige: Right on, I get the weekend off.
- Piper: See now that is the spirit.
- Phoebe: So, I was thinking, since you're the potions master, isn't there something you could whip up? Some kind of protection potion, maybe?
- Piper: Pheebs, if there was such a thing as a protection potion we'd be mixing it in our morning coffee.
- Phoebe: This is perfect. We need a theme. You're an artistic, creative type.
- Paige: A theme?
- Phoebe: Yeah, I'll explain on the way. Us theme, you potion.
- Piper: Me peeved, you annoying.
- Phoebe:
- Being of creativity,
- Show yourself now to me,
- Your light which shines upon our face,
- Let our vision now embrace.
- Being of creativity,
- Piper: Now that I know what we're up against I can practically taste the potion. I don't know what it does, but it tastes pretty good.
- Piper: I'm making this up as I go along, so power surge or no, you're going to have to be patient. Just like you're going to have to be patient on the marriage front.
- Cole: I don't think that's any of your business.
- Leo: You don't know sisters very well, do you?
- Leo: Okay, so what exactly are you doing now?
- Phoebe: Basking in the brilliance of our failure.
- Phoebe: It's about good versus evil, and wrong versus right, and our job as witches to fight the good fight.
- Piper: Dr. Seuss, is that you?
- Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:
- Evil is a faithful foe,
- but good does battle best.
- We witches will, with these words,
- waste the warlocks evil zest.
- Evil is a faithful foe,
- Piper, Phoebe, Paige:
- Being of creativity,
- Hide yourself now from me,
- Your light that shines upon our face,
- From our vision now erase.
- Being of creativity,
- Phoebe: Okay, you guys, we have a warlock to catch. And I know were beaten, and I know we're tired, but that does not mean we can just lay down and play dead.
- Piper: I don't think we're gonna have to play.
A Paige from the Past
[edit]- Cole: I went from all powerful demon to mere mortal overnight.
- Phoebe: You are not mere. Baby, you are anything but mere.
- Cole: Next to the Charmed Ones, I'm a potted plant.
- Phoebe: Am I the world's biggest bitch or what?
- Piper: Nah, too easy.
- Leo: No, Clyde ignores them. There's only one way to get Clyde down here. (to Clyde) Clyde! Get your butt down here you fetid worm from the bog of eternal stench! [to Piper] You gotta make him mad. [to Clyde] Your mother was a chunky substance from a gin cesspool! And she smelled bad too!
- Phoebe:(to paige) You haven't told us and we've been dying to know. What happened in your past?
- Paige: I found out that I wasn't responsible for the accident.
- Piper: Of course you weren't.
- (Paige looks sad.)
- Phoebe: Then what's wrong?
- Paige: It just makes me sad that my parents will never see us, or what I've become.
- Leo: Actually, that's not quite true.
- (Paige's adopted parents appear in the dining holding hands.)
- Piper: Uh, Leo?
- Leo: Let's just say that I owe Clyde now.
- Paige's Mom: We know who you are honey, what you've become.
- Paige's Dad: We've been with you every step of the way and we're so proud of you sweetheart.
- (Paige hugs her parents.)
- Phoebe: Can you take us back to meet John Lennon?
- Leo: Rough ride. You okay?
- Paige: Yeh. I'm alright.. I'm all wrong! I'm so scrooged, I was meant to come back as a ghost, not a ghost with braces.
- Piper: Darryl, I'm sorry, but what do you want me to say? My sister was just possessed with a supernaturally born killer and my husband is in 1994, and I do not mean in the fashion sense. He time traveled back with my other sister so the only one left to help me is you.
- Darryl: Gee. Thanks.
- Piper: First they're all over each other at the manor, then they steal a ring and now a wedding dress? Frankie and Lulu's unfinished business isn't criminal, it's matrimonial. They wanna get married!
- Darryl: Do you people have any normal weddings in your family?
- (Paige heads for the exploded car her parents were in. Leo runs over and grabs her. She screams.)
- Paige: Let go of me! I have to save them!
- Leo: They're gone.
- Paige: Why did you bring me back here! Why! I though I could stop the accident!
- Leo: You couldn't stop the accident because it was never your fault.
- Paige: It was my fault. It was my fault.
- Leo: They would have died anyway, it was their destiny. Just like it was your destiny to be saved by magic.
- Paige: That's how I got out of the car. I orbed out.
- Leo: That's right.
- Paige: I could always orb?
- Leo: Magic's always been inside of you. It saved you because you were meant to do great things with it, and you have, and you will. This is what you came back here to find, what caused the accident, why you survived it. You need to forgive yourself.
- Paige: But it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, they'll never know how much I love them. They'll never know what good parents they were.
- Phoebe: Uhm, If you'll put your nose any deeper into that coffee cup, you're gonna need a snorkel. What do you know?
Trial By Magic
[edit]- Phoebe: I can't sleep because I miss Cole too much. If he doesn't come home soon, I'm going to turn into a vampire.
- Paige: Jokes like that in this house, not so funny.
- Piper: I don't think you understand..
- Paige: I understand that I also pay rent here!
- Piper: There is no rent.
- Paige: It's an expression.
- Piper: No it's not!
- Paige: Well it should be!
- Juror: Hey, I got a premonition. We'll be outta here in time for lunch.
- Piper: Look out Nancy Drew coming through!
- Paige:
- Let mind and body soar,
- to heights not reached before,
- Let limits stretch, that you may catch,
- a new truth to explore.
- Phoebe: I'm gonna need a few things. A sage stick, five white candles and...
- Juror: A magic wand.
- Phoebe: No, incense. I'm gonna summon the dead.
- Juror: Ooooh.
- Paige: Aah!
- Piper: What, demons you can handle, but not rats? Aah!
- Paige: Right back at you.
- Phoebe: What are you doing?
- Juror: Looking for wires. This is some kind of trick.
- Phoebe: Did you find any?
- Piper: I don't think it's a good idea if your boyfriend stays here.
- Paige: He's not my boyfriend. Sometimes he's my boyfriend, but mostly he's just my really good friend.
- Paige: You can trust Glen. He's been my friend since, God, kindergarten.
- Piper: You haven't been a witch since kindergarten. I don't think you understand.
- (Piper, Phoebe, Leo and Paige are talking about a murder case. Glen walks in.)
- Leo: Hey, there, Glen!
- Piper: What did you hear?
- Glen: Excuse me?
- Phoebe: She said what are you doing here?!
- (Paige and Glen head for the kitchen.)
- Phoebe: Is he staying here?
- Piper: Mm-hmm.
- Phoebe: I think you need to talk to her.
- Piper: I did, and apparently I was the only one paying attention.
Lost and Bound
[edit]- Phoebe: What good is being a witch if I can't just twitch my nose and make the laundry fold itself.
- Cole: Which witch can do that?
- Phoebe: Samantha Stevens. From Betwitched.
- Cole: I'm getting more human by the day. What would you say if I became really human, and got a job?
- Phoebe: If thats the criteria for being really human then I am in big trouble.
- Cole: Phoebe we're hardly typical. I proposed to you under a hail of demon goo and you accepted while I was bleeding to death.
- Phoebe: It's just, becoming a wife. I mean, I like Samantha but I never actually wanted to become her. See, Samantha, she was married to a human, Darren. Darren completely suppressed Samantha's magic, completely denied who she was. And it wasn't because he didn't love her, it was just that's the way it had to be.
- Cole: And this was one of your favourite shows?
- Phoebe: She went from being Samantha to Mrs. Darren Stevens overnight.
- Cole: Well, that won't happen to you.
- Phoebe: Won't it?
- Cole: No. You'll become Mrs. Cole Turner.
- Cole: Miss Phoebe Halliwell, I come to you, a man, nothing more, nothing less, to ask, will you be my wife?
- Phoebe: Hmm.. Yeah, I will, again.
- Paige: Urgh, the sun came up again.
- Phoebe: Good morning sunshine, let me pour you a cup of coffee. Notice anything different about me?
- Piper: Engagement ring. Notice it or wear coffee.
- Leo: It's a lot for any child to deal with. Plus ours will be doublely magical, half-whitelighter, half-witch.
- Paige: Hey, that's like me! Oh...you might have some trouble.
- Phoebe: And Paige, thank you so much for getting him this job. I mean especially now that we're going to be married and he's gonna have to get used to bringing home the bacon.
- Paige: Since when does Phoebe care about bacon?
- Leo: I'm sure she meant all breakfast meats.
- Piper: You know what? Don't make our issues his issues. I think you need to give him a chance to learn how to control it. Maybe that's why we met him. To teach him, guide him.
- Phoebe: Feed him.
- Paige: Wow, Phoebe, you went all out.
- Phoebe: Oh, well, you know me. Any excuse to spend a little extra time in the kitchen.
- Piper: I do know you and that's just not true.
- Phoebe: Oh, but it is now that I'm going to be Sadie, Sadie, married lady.
- Piper: Alright, Sadie, how about I take the cookies to the kid.
- Leo: Phoebe, are you feeling alright?
- Phoebe: Peachy keen.
- Phoebe: (sung to the tune of Jingle Bells.) I'm making soup for Cole. He'll eat it in a bowl. I guess that's my new role, just making soup for Cole.
- Phoebe: Oh honey, what will you do?
- Cole: Well, I dunno, I'm still searching for who I am. But we know who you are, which is a demon-fighting, ass-kicking witch who never lets her sisters down. So get out of that bathtub and show me what you're made of!
- (Phoebe stands up and flashes black and white)
- Phoebe: Better?
- Paige: Hey, Cole, how's your progress going on... Oh God, full frontal Phoebe! Sorry.
- Cole: She just flashed.
- Paige: Yeah, I got that!
- Cole: No, no, I mean she just flashed black and white.
- Piper: Stand back.
- (Piper keeps trying to blow up the spell-protected gates and succeeds on the third time.)
- Phoebe: What was that?
- Paige: I think you just saw a mother lift a car off her child.
- Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:
- The brutal winter
- gives way to flowers of spring,
- Ludlow is vanquished.
- Phoebe: What the hell was that?
- Paige: A Haiku, I couldn't do the rhyming thing.
- Piper: Paige, you coming?
- Paige: Can't. I have to go to that evil place where they keep my paycheck.
Charmed and Dangerous
[edit]- Phoebe: Oh honey, are you still on that Last Will and Testament kick? I gotta tell you, it's very very morbid.
- Piper: No, it's very very responsible. Prue did it, and thank God she did 'cause if she didn't we'd still be dealing with lawyers. No offense.
- Cole: Oh, none taken. I've come to terms with my evil past.
- Cole: Well, one step at a time. First we vanquish the Source, then we'll worry about putting Pandora back in it's box.
- The Seer: Even now I can see the void where your demon half used to exist, it craves to be complete again.
- Paige: Oh, my God!
- The Source: Not quite.
- The Source: Say hello to Prue for me.
- Paige: I don't understand, if we got our powers back, where did the Source go?
- The Seer: Into the void.
- Phoebe: For Prue.
- Piper: For Prue.
- Leo: What do you say we go home and get started on our future?
- Piper: What do you say we go home and sleep, and we work on that future tomorrow night.
- Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:
- Prudence, Penelope, Patricia, Melinda,
- Astrid, Helena, Laura and Grace,
- Halliwell Witches, stand strong beside us,
- Vanquish this evil from time and space.
- Prudence, Penelope, Patricia, Melinda,
The Three Faces of Phoebe
[edit]- Piper: Maybe you're right, maybe you do need the book. What good is being a witch if you can't use a little magic when you're hurting.
- Phoebe: I cannot believe that you're suggesting that. What about personal gain?
- Piper: Well, just word the spell properly, avoid it. You should know how to do it by now. Just be pure, ask your heart for the answer. Just don't tell Paige, I just don't want her thinking she can do it too.
- Paige: I hate it when you're right.
- Piper: Really? See, I usually like it.
- Piper: This demon didn't even seem to know who we were, which by the way I find insulting.
- Phoebe: I can explain, you are dreaming.
- Piper: Dreaming?
- Phoebe: Yes, dreaming. And you are going to wake up in your room and everything is going to be fine.
- Little Phoebe: I'm ten, I'm not stupid. Grams!
- Piper: Wow, I do not miss that.
- Cole: Who are you?
- Old Phoebe: Maybe this will refresh your memory. You bastard. (slaps Cole across the face.)
- Phoebe: I cast a spell to hear my heart's desire. And I guess my past self and my future self showed up to help me listen.
- Cole: What desire did you want to hear?
- Phoebe: That's between me and...me.
- Old Phoebe: Worried?
- Old Phoebe: Ah, the good old days. Of course, nobody's gonna take you seriously until you stop dressing like a tramp.
- Phoebe: A tramp? That is so 'in' right now.
- Little Phoebe: Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...
- Piper: Honey, you have to listen to me.
- Little Phoebe: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.
- Piper: We're just trying to help.
- Leo: She's your sister.
- Piper: Yeah, don't remind me.
- Phoebe: Having a little trouble with young Phoebe?
- Piper: Yeah, enough to make me reconsider having children. Maybe we should just lie to her again.
- Phoebe: No. I think I have an idea.
- Little Phoebe: Stay away from me or I'll sick Prue on you.
- Piper: Oh, yeah, don't go there.
- Piper: Having problems with geriatric you?
- Little Phoebe: Oh, my gosh! Who are you?
- Phoebe: That guy is Cole. He's our fiancee.
- Little Phoebe: Wait, you mean he's our prince? The one who sweeps us off our feet?
- Piper:: Haha, Prince?
- Paige: What about little Phoebe? She went back to her time with all this knowledge of the future. Won't that cause complications?
- Piper: I doubt it. The minute she starts talking about magic, Grams will do some hocus pocus to erase all that knowledge.
- Paige: That's nice.
- Piper: That's Grams.
- Paige: I did the rhyme, I will do the time.
- Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:
- Hell threw you from it's inner core,
- but Earth won't hold you anymore,
- Since heaven cannot be your place,
- your flesh and blood will now erase.
- Hell threw you from it's inner core,
Marry-Go-Round
[edit]- Phoebe: And for my two beautiful bridesmaids, whom I chose because they're my best friends in the whole wide world. There's a bonsai tree for balance and harmony, and a dreamcatcher so all your dreams will come true, just like mine have.
- Paige: This is so great, tarot cards! My deck is totally trashed, this is perfect.
- Phoebe: That's just incase you need psychic services while me and my new husband are busy getting busy.
- Leo: What is a wedding without a bachelor party? I've got poker chips, corn chips...I have chips!
- Paige: This is Phoebe and Cole's tarot reading. They were lovers in the past, despair fills their present, but this is their future.
- Piper: Oh, please, this looks nothing like Death. Prue met him, I know.
- Piper: Phoebe, let's not blow this out of proportion
- Phoebe: My wedding dress could double as a circus tent, I think things are already out of proportion.
- Phoebe: Don't think I don't know how you really feel about Cole.
- Paige: Ugh, I have been nothing but nice to that demon.
- Phoebe: Ex-demon.
- Paige: Oh, is that like ex-convict?
- Piper: You are going to get ready, we are going to put lots and lots of makeup on you.
- Paige: Oh face it, there's not spackle in the world to fill those craters.
- Paige: Listen, we're not fighting each other here, we're fighting evil. We kick evil's ass every day.
- Piper: Sometimes twice a day.
The Fifth Halliwheel
[edit]- Phoebe: To marriage.
- Piper: Hey, this is supposed to be our anniversary.
- Phoebe: To Piper and Leo's marriage, may ours be as successful as theirs.
- Piper: Yeh, see that still didn't sound like it was about us.
- Cole: You can't go yet Paige, we haven't gotten to the good part.
- Paige: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought watching you guys make out all night was supposed to be the highlight of my evening.
- Cole: I was with the entire family. Have you lost your mind?
- The Seer: Forgive me, but it was imperative that I have you here now if my ritual is to take effect.
- Cole: I am trying to be the perfect husband. The perfect brother-in-law. It would help if I didn't have demons waving at me from the dance floor.
- Phoebe: Speaking of looking forward... Piper, you're going on your honeymoon tonight. I think new lingerie is in order.
- Piper: You always think new lingerie is in order.
- Phoebe: Not for me, silly. You wanna come, Paige?
- Paige: Ugh, I can't. I have to go to that evil place where they keep my paycheque.
- Phoebe: Oh, right, sorry.
- Phoebe: How do you spell 'oblique'?
- Piper: With spellcheck.
- Phoebe: Yes, Printing!
- Piper: Hi, Saving!
- Paige: I can't believe I destroyed the house.
- Phoebe: What I can't believe is what you almost saw in the hotel room. If you had gotten there five minutes earlier...
- Piper: Lalala! Oversharing.
Saving Private Leo
[edit]- Piper: I'll go get the book and brush up on my ghostbusting.
- Paige: No, no. I'll go do it.
- Piper: You just said you were late for work
- Paige: Yeah, but he's a ghost, who knows where he came from, what era. He's like a piece of manhunk history.
- Phoebe: Cole wants us to get our own place
- Paige: What, you mean move out?
- Phoebe: Yeah, you know, like normal married couples do.
- Piper: We didn't.
- Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not normal.
- Woman: What's going on? Who is that?
- Piper: My hero.
Bite Me
[edit]- Paige: You know what Cole, just bite me.
- Phoebe: So what's going on, is there a demon convention in San Francisco or what?
- Piper: Yes, there is a demonic electoral college, they've called a meeting and they're voting in a new source!
- Paige: How many have you had?
- Rowan: I don't keep track. Faces all fade away, it's the taste you remember.
- Paige: And what was I, fast food?
- Piper: Maybe this is more than just being run down. Maybe you're pregnant.
- Phoebe: That is funny. Actually, it's not so funny.. I went to the drugstore, I got a test, a peed on a stick and I anxiously awaited the results in two minutes.
- Piper: And?
- Phoebe: And, it was negative, thankfully.
- Piper: Yeah, well, mine was too.
- Phoebe: I left the manor, not the family.
- Piper: Manticore?
- Phoebe: Bites, but doesn't fly.
- Piper: Phoenix?
- Phoebe: Flies, but doesn't bite.
- Piper: Chupacabra!
- Phoebe (laughs): God bless you! Flies and bites, but only attacks livestock.
We're Off to See the Wizard
[edit]- Piper: We only know that Cole is dealing with demons, not that he is a demon.
- Paige: If it looks like a demon and walks like a demon.
- Piper: That's ducks, that's not Phoebe's husband!
- Phoebe: I'm pregnant.
- Piper: You're what?
- Paige: Oh my God, from Cole?
- Piper: Well maybe you haven't heard. There's a new Source, the old one is dead.
- Paige: Yeah, we already kicked his sorry ass.
- Wizard: He didn't die. He was reborn into a new sorry ass. Wait, that didn't come out right.
- Phoebe: You're lying, I can see your wisdom teeth.
- Paige: I don't have wisdom teeth.
- Piper: (After she blows up a demon.) What an idiot, doesn't every demon know by now, who's house this is?
- Paige: Alright, what's the plan?
- Piper: We learn from his mistakes.
- Wizard: Not mistakes. Miscalculations.
- Wizard: Please, Merlin was an over-rated hack. Tell me he's not the only wizard you people have ever heard of.
- Paige: Does Harry Potter count?
Long Live the Queen
[edit]- Phoebe: Do me a favor. Find something that strengthens me and doesn’t taste like crap.
- Piper: This one duplicates my freezing power, plus it scalds the flesh, so we should only use it in a dire emergency.
- Paige: No! I will not scald Phoebe’s flesh!
- Paige: She's like Piper-lite. All the personality without any of those messy emotions.
- Phoebe: Relax boys. I’m here to cook, not kill.
- Piper: Phoebe, you're evil. You're like the Queen of All Evil. Literally.
- Phoebe: That's beside the point.
- Piper: How, how, how could you do that? How could you just let him go?
- Phoebe: I don't know why you're so upset, we saved the innocent, didn't we?
- Piper: I can't talk to her. You talk to her!
- Leo: Phoebe...
- Phoebe: Things are not as black and white as they used to be, ok? I can't just go around and kill demons anymore.
- Paige: Why not? We heard you just killed two last night.
- Phoebe: Yeah, well that was different, he was getting on my nerves. I promised Cole I wouldn't kill anymore. And killing Malick would have been a huge betrayal.
- Piper: Malick? You're on a first-name basis with the demons?
- Leo: If you were just gonna order him to stop, you could have done that on your own. Why did you even come to us?
- Phoebe: Because I missed you guys! Okay? Is that so wrong? I missed you!
- Leo: Phoebe, you can't be the Queen of the Underworld and a Charmed One. You can't have it both ways.
- Phoebe: Why not? Just because it's different doesn't mean that it can't work. And you all miss me too, even though I'm sure Piper probably doesn't want to admit it to herself.
- Paige: Of course, we miss you, honey.
- Phoebe: Well, you can have me back. You can have the Power of Three back. You just have to be willing to meet me halfway.
- Piper: Phoebe, you can't protect the innocent and save demons. It just doesn't work that way.
- Phoebe: Apparently, it does. He's alive, isn't he?
- Paige: Yeah, but your friend Malick is gonna come back.
- Phoebe: You don't know that.
- Piper: That's what they do, Phoebe. They come back. They snarl, and come back.
- Paige: Yeah, and now we have to worry about protecting him instead of trying to save you.
- Phoebe: You think I need saving?
- Piper: Are you kidding me? That baby inside you has corrupted you, more than you think.
- Phoebe: Piper...
- Piper: Don't Piper me. This is insane. What are you saying is insane. You can not come back. You can not work with us, as long as you're married to the Source.
- Phoebe: So what do you want me to do?! You want me to leave my husband?!
- Piper: Yes!
- Phoebe: That is not fair!
- Leo: It's not fair Phoebe, but you have to pick a side. Good or evil. That's how it works. Even though it means giving up someone you love, you have to choose.
- Phoebe: I'm really sorry you feel that way. (she disappeares in the flame) .
- Piper: I can't do this. (walks away)
- Paige: What about Greg?
- (Piper unfreezes him.)
- Greg: Oh no, not again.
- Elise: Dear Betrayed, I suggest you beat your cheating husband with his secretary's stapler. Then he'll think twice before bending her over her desk again.
- Phoebe: Well it might be a little harsh, but I think it makes a point.
- Piper: Paige could see that Cole clearly had turned evil, and she tried to tell me over and over and over and over and over... and over. That doesn't even sound like a word anymore.
- Piper: This time, the Source is Cole. You really think she's going to say a little spell with us to vanquish him?
- Paige: If she doesn't, we die.
- Piper: Is that supposed to be comforting?
- Phoebe: You killed him?
- Cole: It was... your mess, I was just cleaning it up.
- Phoebe: Cole, they're gonna come after you. They're gonna come here!"
- Cole: Well, if they do...
- Phoebe: No... (walks away)
- Cole: Phoebe, if it comes to either them or us... Phoebe, wait.
- Phoebe: Oh, God. (runs inside the bathroom and empties her stomach)
- Paige: You evil, son-of-a-bitch.
- (Piper blows Cole up and he turns into wasps. Paige starts placing crystals around the floor.)
- Piper: Phoebe, get out here and help us, dammit.
- (Cole turns back in front of Paige and knocks her back as Piper warns her.)
- Cole: Don't make me kill you.
- (Piper blows him up again)
- Piper: Phoebe! You heard what he said, he's gonna kill us, help us!
- Phoebe: (as she's leaving the bathroom) Forgive me.
- (Cole reforms and has a fireball in hand as Phoebe picks up the fallen crystal.)
- Cole: I'm sorry. It's... It's for the best.
- Phoebe: ... I know it is. [walks over and kisses Cole]
- Piper: Phoebe?
- Phoebe: (backing away) I'm sorry, too. (she places the last crystal on the ground, trapping Cole.)
- Cole: Phoebe, no... No!
- Phoebe: I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry.
- Piper: Prudence, Penelope, Patricia, Melinda... (Cole's legs go up in flames.)
- Phoebe: (voice breaking) Ashford, Helen, Laura, and Grace... (Cole's upper body go up in flames.)
- Cole: (to Phoebe, whispering) I'll always love you.
- Paige: Halliwell witches, stand strong beside us...
- Phoebe: Vanquish this evil...
- Piper, Phoebe, and Paige: From time and space.
- (Cole screams in pain and explodes in flames.)
Womb Raider
[edit]- Phoebe: How can I go to the doctor when I have a demonically challenged baby?
- Piper: What happened?!
- Phoebe: Well it's about time! My head was on fire like a tiki torch a few seconds ago.
- Piper: Do not change the subject! Did your baby just electrocute the nice doctor man?!
- Phoebe: Yeah, I think so. But he was just protecting himself because that gel was really cold.
- Phoebe: Piper, what is going on here?
- Piper: I don't know, but don't panic, we'll wrap up here and we'll go home and panic!
- Paige: Why me? I have nothing against that little fu... fetus.
- Darryl: I left four messages here. Did anybody in this house learn the magic of the telephone?
- Piper: (after Phoebe's baby morphs a slice of watermelon to a chunk of meat) Maybe your baby would prefer to listen to Ozzy.
- Piper: So let me get this straight, you summoned me to a cage where my powers don't work so we can all die together?
- Paige: Well, the plan has some flaws admittedly.
- Darryl: Where is this baby everybody keeps talking about? Is it an invisible baby? Am I gonna step on it?
- Cole: (voiceover from the letter)If I'm dead right now, I know it was by your hand. No one else in heaven or hell had power over me. Please don't cry. I was dead before I met you, I was born the day you loved me, and my love for you will keep me alive. Forever.
Witch Way Now?
[edit]- Angel of Destiny: You can choose to relinquish your magic and lead normal lives again, unaccounted, free. We'd wipe the entire slate clean. Nobody would come after you again. Well, what do you say?
- Piper: What do we say? Are you kidding? You can't just freeze the whole world and come in here and drop a bombshell like that and expect a quick decision.
- Cole: This is the Wasteland, where all vanquished demons end up. The beast feeds on their essence, their powers.
- Phoebe: So what are you dong here?
- Cole: Hanging on to our love.
- Piper: Okay, in case anyone is wondering, we are officially screwed.
- Angel of Destiny: Actually it's because of a demon that I've come to see you, which in and of itself is very rare: we angels of destiny normally don't intervene, except in extraordinary situations: Mozart at age seven, Michelangelo, Albert Einstein... (with clear embarrassment) Britney Spears...
- Leo: Hey, did you just freeze me?
- Piper: No dear. The Angel of Destiny did.
- Cole: I'm a demon with a soul, Phoebe. It's rather unique to the cosmos.
- Piper: Havin' a crappy day?
- Phoebe: Yeah.
- Piper: Cole?
- Phoebe: Yeah.
- Angel of Destiny: By the way, thought you'd like to know, neither decision would've affected yours and Leo's personal destiny.
- Piper: What?
- Angel of Destiny: You'll find out soon.
- Phoebe: Oh my God.
- Piper: What?
- Phoebe: Don't you get it?
- Piper: What?
- Phoebe: Don't you get it? She's pregnant!
- Piper: Who's pregnant? I'm pregnant?
- Phoebe: Hi baby.
Season 5
[edit]A Witch's Tail, Pt 1
[edit]- Piper: Baby Book. My baby book. Oh, look how squishy I was!
- Leo: Hmm, you were so adorable.
- Piper: Leo, you can't even see the picture.
- Leo: I'm your whitelighter, I've been watching you ever since you were a baby.
- Piper: Uh huh. Yeh, see that's too creepy to think about.
- Mylie: You have a very big underwater fanbase.
- Paige: That's actually the most fun I've seen Phoebe have since Cole died.
- Leo: Which time?
- Craig: Who are you people?
- Paige: Witch.
- Leo: Angel.
- Phoebe: Mermaid.
- Paige: Don't you mean Witch?
- Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:
- Powers of the witches rise,
- Find a hag who speaks in lies,
- Balance chakras, focus chi,
- Lead us through the cruel, cruel sea.
- Powers of the witches rise,
- Piper: Leo, she said Tidal Waves. How far do Tidal Waves travel!?
- Leo: Will you slow down on this magic kick. Look at your hair, it's still red from the potion you blew up last night.
- Paige: Do you have any idea how much this would cost in the salon?
- Cole: Too many people talking at once.
- Phoebe: You see, Cole, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Good people don't turn other people into water coolers!
A Witch's Tail, Pt 2
[edit]- Cole: Wait, before you say anything.
- Paige: Not to say, do, because I'm about to orb your family jewels far, far away.
- Cole: Yeah, that would hurt.
- Piper:
- Locked in, boxed in, full of fear,
- My panic grows manic 'til I can't hear,
- In need of reprieve so that I can breathe
- Remove my fear, please make it leave.
- Locked in, boxed in, full of fear,
- Phoebe: Okay, how?
- Piper: I don't know! Get in touch with your inner fish!
- Phoebe: Ouch!
- Leo: Sorry I was a medic, not a vet.
- Leo: Yep, a demon chased her home.
- Piper: Well that was nice of him.
- Phoebe: Will someone please get me back to the ocean before i suffocate? i need the water!
- Piper:(About demon) Well,i have to thank him,then kill him.
- Phoebe: You are holding me hostage!
- Paige: Yep looks like it.
- Phoebe: Look I am not a common goldfish. I cannot ignore the call of the sea!
- Paige: Well the call of the common bathtub is just gonna have to do.
- Piper: Oh please, please. Somebody help me. The mean demon is dipping me into the water and it's really cold.
- Paige:
- Open Phoebe's heart to Cole,
- Reveal the secrets that it holds,
- Bring forth the passion of love's fire,
- That he may feel her true desire.
- Open Phoebe's heart to Cole,
- Piper: Okay...I've had enough. Your treatment of me is shocking.
- Piper: Oh look out Phoebe, he's packing a seashell.
- Paige:
- Tide of evil, washed ashore,
- Bring it's darkness ever more,
- With all our strength we fight this fate,
- Make this evil obliterate.
- Tide of evil, washed ashore,
- Piper: Shh! Pheobe's doing a news report in there!
- Paige:In the bathroom?
- Leo:Like the power of two and a half
- Paige:Weve got to do something before she does something stupid like giving Nancy O'Dell a exclusive with Necktron.
- Phoebe:No,this is not happening. This goes way beyond stalking.
Happily Ever After
[edit]- Piper: I dont want my baby to turn into a guinea pig
- Piper: And besides, every other mother to be does not have to worry about her child orbing out to Tahiti when they are sent to their room.
- Paige: You want my advice?
- Piper: Not really.
- Piper: This is not raging hormones talking! This is a very special baby, with very special needs, and I need someone pretty damn special to help me figure it out. And when I say now, I mean now!
- Grams: Piper!
- Piper: Thank you.
- Leo: Don't thank me, I didn't do anything.
- Grams: What am I doing here? And corporeal to boot.
- Piper: What do you mean, didn't you come on your own power?
- Grams: Honey, I'm good, but I'm not that good!
- Paige: Oh, my goodness, don't tell me you're already interviewing nannies.
- Grams: Paige. You're even more beautiful than I imagined.
- Paige: And you are?
- Grams: Why, I'm your Grams of course. Come here.
- Paige: No offense, but, uh, aren't you supposed to be dead?
- Grams: Oh, I'm over that.
- Paige: You expect me to believe that there are giant beanstalks and gingerbread houses that actually existed?
- Phoebe: Cole, these boots may be made for walking, but they're never walking back to you,buddy.
- Piper:
- Hear our call,
- For those who fall,
- Purge her to awaken,
- From this toxic taken.
- Hear our call,
- Phoebe: Dead? What do you mean she's dead?
- Leo: Don't worry. The dwarves are all over it.
- Phoebe: The dwarves?
- Leo: Piper cast a spell that wound up summoning the descendents of the seven dwarves. Actually, they prefer to be called little people now.
- Phoebe: Snow White and the Little People?
- Head Dwarf: When's her prince getting here?
- Piper: She doesn't have a prince.
- Head Dwarf: No prince? So then who's going to kiss her?
- Dwarf 1: I'll do it.
- Dwarf 2: In your dreams Stinky. I'll do it.
- Dwarf 1: I told you not to call me that.
- Head Dwarf: People. A little professional decorum here please. Forgive them, it's been a while.
- Cole: Leo, he's evil.
- Leo: Really? And what are you?
- Cole:Keep your hands off my pumpkin.
- Piper: Ah, back off Grams. I just saved your ass.
- Paige: Can someone please tell me how I got in a coffin?
- Grams: You were dead, dear. But, on the bright side, at least now we have something in common.
- Phoebe: Hey, I'm walking here!
- Car Driver: Get out of the street!
Siren's Song
[edit]- Phoebe: Death did us part, Cole. Just because you figured out a way to come back, doesn't mean that I didn't keep my end of the bargain.
- Piper: Paige, I don't wanna chat. I got problems here. Geez, you're like my husband with boobs.
- Paige: Oh my God, I can't believe he's doing the "look at at me I'm a good guy" routine on prime time. Phoebe must be thrilled.
- Leo: I'm sure that it's just all this arguing that's got the baby upset.
- Piper: Leo, the baby is an inch long. All this arguing is upsetting the mommy!
- Piper: Kiss this bitch. (She tries to blow her up, but her powers showered her with flowers) Ohh, bad baby.
- Phoebe: Woman to woman. Cole was the love of my life, and I'm finally learning to live my life without him. Calling him for a favor would open a can of worms that I've worked so hard to close.
- Elise: Woman to woman. If you're still describing this guy as the love of your life, then the can is open, the worms are out, and you may as well use them to go fishing.
- Piper: Okay, vanquish demon first, kill husband later.
- Cole: What? I knocked.
- Piper: Doors. People use doors.
- (Leo burps and fizzy bubble floats out of his mouth.)
- Cole: Whoa, what was that?
- Piper: Hey, how did you do that?
- Leo: I don't know but I'm feeling really nauseous.
- Piper: Oh, god, and I'm not. Wait, how, why... Why does he have my pregnancy symptoms?
- Cole: Wait, w-wait, you're pregnant?
- Piper: Well, I was. But, now I think Leo is.
- Cole: Huh?
- Leo: Hey, are your boobs always this sore?
- (Piper gives a nervous smile.)
- Cole: Wait a minute, I'm confused…
- Phoebe: Cole, maybe you should leave.
- Phoebe: Okay, here are your crackers, here's a pad and a pen, we need a summoning spell.
- Leo: What, now I'm supposed to rhyme?
- Phoebe: Yeah, no rest for the whiny.
- Phoebe: Think what you what, I think my niece is a genius. She did what any good marriage consultant would've done.
- Leo: A good marriage consultant would've swapped our powers?
- Phoebe: No, she would've made you walk a mile in each other's shoes.
- Leo: You know, you're a pretty good whitelighter.
- Piper: I learned from the best.
- Leo: Hey I'm not nauseous anymore.
- Piper: Hey I am! Wait, that's not good news…
- Leo: What about your powers?
- (Piper takes a doughnut, throws it up in the air, and blows it up.)
- Piper: Very nice!
- Cole: So, did you get my flowers?
- Phoebe: Yeah. "Sorry I tried to strangle you." Probably not a card that the florist gets to write every day, huh?
- Piper:Maybe the baby thought that fireworks were prettier than demon guts.
- Paige: Abracadabra!
- Phoebe: Nice job!
- Piper: You did all that with abracadabra?
- Paige: Nah, I used a spell. I just always wanted to say that
- Leo: Oh God, not the crying thing.
- Piper: [tearfully] Leo, I have growing powers inside of me, powers that I do not understand and the only person who does understand never has time to talk, add that to raging hormones and I guarantee you I am absolutely entitled to do the crying thing.
Witches in Tights
[edit]- Leo: P3's still doing great.
- Piper: Not as great as it used to be, thanks to me.
- Leo: Well, Piper, you're having a baby. Your priorities have changed.
- Piper: Yeah, well, haven't you heard? Women can have careers and babies now. It's been in all the papers.
- Leo: Well, are those women trying to save the world from demons too?
- Paige: Having sex.
- Piper: Oh!
- Paige: See this is why I don't want to talk to you about this, it's weird talking to a pregnant lady about sex anyway.
- Piper: Well, Paige, how do you think I got pregnant.
- Paige: Urgh, I don't want to know that either.
- Paige: I think I'm so busy protecting this big ol' secret of ours I guess I can't really let my guard down. How'd you do it?
- Piper: Marry an angel.
- Piper: I'm pregnant, not terminal.
- Ramus: Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you can't kick some ass now and again.
The Eyes Have It
[edit]- Paige: Well, maybe try a different yoga instructor.
- Piper: It wasn't the instructor, it was all those women showing off their sonogram pictures. And it was just working on my last nerve. Like 'look it's Jasper's first photo and it's gonna go on the fridge in a magnetic frame that says Jasper's first photo!'
- Leo: Okay, I thought prenatal yoga was supposed to help you relax.
- Paige: I'm just a big, dumb, fat unemployed loser.
- Piper: No, Paige, you're a big, fat, dumb, unemployed loser who saves the world.
- Leo: Alright, you guys yell at her, I'm gonna go check with the Elders and see what they know.
- Elise: Dear Phoebe, my career is on the fast track, I'm wildly popular and the money's pretty damn good. What should I do?
- Phoebe: Stop whining.
- Elise: Damn, you are good.
- Paige: Uh gross, what are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie?
- Piper: The Joys of Home Birthing. Strangely I'm not feeling the joy.
- Piper: Wow pre-natal yoga this morning and now you wanna crash a stranger's funeral. You really do need friends.
- Paige: You're mean.
- Leo: Well, what happens when they check the security camera to find out why the sonogram machine blew up like it did with Phoebe's baby?
- Piper: Phoebe's baby was a demon, ours is an angel for crying out loud.
- Piper: So your new and improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us we're screwed.
Sympathy for the Demon
[edit]- Piper: Hi! I am off to yoga and then to the salon for a manicure and pedicure. There's a cherry pie cooling on the counter and I will be on my cell.
- Paige: Uh uh. Prenatal police lady. Put the mug down, step away from the coffee.
- Piper: It's herbal tea. I'm on a natural high today.
- Piper: Ah, Jinxed! I should have know this was going to happen. It's the story of my life, when everything is going great something will inevitably happen that will ruin it.
- Paige: A little spider did all that to you?
- Piper: Oh, you just wait, you will see.
- Cole: Please, you've got to help me.
- Piper: See?
- Miles: Hey, how long were you married?
- Phoebe: Not long, but we were together for two years. The beginning was great it's just the end was, uh...hell.
- Miles: Yeah, I had the same experience with my ex.
- Phoebe: Uh, no, pretty sure you didn't. Well you know 'cause you know every situation is so different.
- Cole: I think somebody's trying to drive me crazy.
- Phoebe: Yeah, well, that makes two of us.
- Piper: Desperate demons call for desperate measures.
- Paige: What is wrong with you? Is this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Piper? Make up your mind, lady.
- Piper: We don't need to go looking for trouble. Trouble comes to find us anyway.
- Leo: As your whitelighter, I would say go with your instincts.
- Paige: Okay.
- Leo: But as your brother-in-law, going up against your sisters is pure suicide.
- Paige: Great. You really helped clarify this issue.
- Paige: What does this Barbas do? What's his thing?
- Piper: He brings really bad things to life.
- Phoebe: Okay people, time to get over our fears right now!!
- Piper: Easy for you to say. You're not facing killer spiders!
- Phoebe: Neither are you.
- Piper: Playing on an expectant mother's fears. That was a good one. But not that good.
- Phoebe: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
- Paige: You're suffocating me.
- Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry.
- Phoebe: Paige, orb the potion.
- Paige: It's in a puddle.
- Piper: You can do it, Prue did.
- Barbas: Ay, there's the rub. You're no Prue, are you?
A Witch in Time
[edit]- Piper: He works with numbers all day. You know how Phoebe is with math. They have absolutely nothing in common.
- Leo: You're right. We- we should just vanquish him.
- Piper: What is this?! A brothel?
- Piper: Oh no, they're going upstairs! Should I stop them?
- Paige: No, only if you want to make a total ass of yourself - but that's up to you.
- Phoebe: Okay, something really freaky happened last night when I was with Miles.
- Piper: You guys are already getting freaky?
- Miles: You saved my life.
- Phoebe: Oh, it was nothing.
- Miles: It was my life.
- Phoebe: Yeah.
- Miles: I should be dead right now.
- Phoebe: Yeh, but you're not. That's good.
- Miles: You saved my life.
- Phoebe: I think we've been over that part.
- Miles: Did I thank you?
- Piper: Look warlocks we can handle, demonic ex-husbands we cannot. You gotta get out of here before she sees you.
- Miles: Your kisses kill me.
- Phoebe: Right back at ya.
- Piper: Too many spells and potions to remember, let alone defend against.
- Phoebe: We're dead.
- Piper: Again.
- Paige: And again.
- Piper: Honey?
- Leo: Yeah?
- Piper: Zip it.
- Baccarra: And then there were none.
- Phoebe: How long have you guys been standing there?
- Paige: Long enough to know you've got some serious 80's dance moves!
- Piper: Well...let's just say i had a little premonition of my own!
Sam, I Am
[edit]- Piper: I gotta go home 'cos I gotta interview magical nannies tomorrow and I gotta prepare.
- Phoebe: Magical nannies...you mean like Mary Poppins?
- Leo: You're getting your first charge.
- Paige: Are you serious?
- Leo: Yeah, well the Elders aren't exactly known for their sense of humor.
- Paige: That is so great. I am now Paige Matthews, whitelighter-witch... I'm a hyphenate.
- Phoebe: Last night two guys held up a bar and a vigilante killed them.
- Paige: That sounds more like you need an arrest warrant, not a potion
- Phoebe: Not when the vigilate is tall, dark and handsome and can send people flying with the wave of a hand.
- Piper: Well, that doens't mean it's Cole.
- Phoebe: Did I forget to mention the scorch marks?
- Piper: That means it's Cole!
- Paige: If this is where I was supposed to find my charge, you might have told me not to wear my Jimmy Choos.
- Sam: A little advice, you need to work up a cover. Didn't you read the whitelighter manual?
- Paige: There's a manual?
- Piper: Is that who I think it is?
- Phoebe: Mom's whitelighter.
- Piper: And Paige's father.
- Paige: The Elders sent me to protect someone without telling me who he was.
- Piper: I'd say that's a bit of an understatement.
- Piper: You knew about this supernatural Jenny Jones reunion, didn't you?!
- Phoebe: I want him dead. I want this over with. And if this doesn't work, we might not get a second chance.
- Piper: Got it. Kill him. Dead.
Y Tu Mummy Tambien
[edit]- Piper: Everything is so bright and cheery and ruffly.
- Paige: Your pants stopped fitting you.
- Piper: Well, I could have gone up a size or two. I don't have to resort to maternity clothes. I just feel so-
- Saleslady: Adorable! I think it's you.
- Piper: Obviously, you don't know me very well. Look, do you have anything that will go with combat boots? Ya know, something for the mom-to-be who kicks some ass upon occasion? You know something in black. Or gray.
- Saleslady: ... I'll go check.
- Piper: Are you telling me she's going to evict somebody from their own body? That's rude!
- Paige:
- Scrying secrets come to me,
- Drop again so I might see.
- Scrying secrets come to me,
- Cole: (makes guillotine appear) I can't wait to see how I survive this. Oh, can't you at least let me not die in peace?
- Jeric: Glad to see you're feeling so alive.
- Isis: (as Phoebe) It's this body. I've never felt so much power before, passion, desire.
- Jeric: Maybe I should leave you two alone.
- Isis: (as Phoebe) No. Just because the witch is in me doesn't mean there's not enough room for you too.
- Piper: So what? I'm unbreakable, dude.
- Paige: Dude, I'm not.
- Piper: I can't handle this right now.
- Leo: What? I told you I was going to have to break a few rules.
- Piper: No, no, no. You don't understand, this is the least of our problems. Which ought to give you and idea how bad our problems actually are!
- Leo: Come on, it can't be that bad.
- Piper: Unless I am mistaken, Cole has teamed up with Jerich and tricked me into getting Paige possessed and Phoebe mummified.
- Piper: I'm not gonna leave my sisters in Egypt with two demonic perverts!
- Piper: How can you be so evil?
- Cole: It's a gift.
- Piper:
- Two warring souls not burn inside,
- Where only one can reside,
- I call upon the power of three,
- To save her body and set Paige free.
- Two warring souls not burn inside,
- Paige: We're just playing hookie.
- Piper: Well Paige, you can't play hookie, cos see, you're unemployed.
- Piper: What's the matter with your neck?
- Paige: It's this cramp, I've had it for a couple of days now.
- Piper: Well, why don't you get a massage?
- (Piper looks through a rack of clothes.)
- Paige: Oh, yeah, I'll pencil that in. Right between vanquishing demons and training to be your midwife. (Piper holds up an ugly pale pink dress.) No.
- (Piper puts the dress back.)
- Piper: Well, A, I don't need midwives because I'm delivering with a doctor not sisters. And B, you need to start taking care of yourself because you've actually been working harder than when you were working.
- Paige: Yeah, well, someone has to pick up the slack, especially with hermit lady just laying around the house.
- Piper: The hermit lady?
- Paige: Yeah, Phoebe? Have you noticed she hasn't left the house in weeks.
- Piper: What do you mean? She leaves the house every morning.
- Paige: No, she leaves the house to go to work. I can understand wanting a break from guys, but come on already, she's gonna wear out the batteries.
- Piper: Ah, Paige!
- (Paige's phone rings, she answers it)
- Paige: Hi Phoebe. We were just talking about you.
- Piper: And your batteries.
The Importance of Being Phoebe
[edit]- Health Inspector: Rats, too.
- Piper: No! No, we don't have rats! Wait, they don't live here! They're just...they're just trying to ruin my life!
- (loudly barges in Cole's office)
- Phoebe: You slimy, son-of-a-bitch!
- Cole: Phoebe, is that you?
- Phoebe: What are you, evil and blind? Yeah, it's me! Look, why don't you just admit you're behind this? Admit it, so I can use magic to fight you!
- Cole: I don't know, uh, I don't know what you're talking about.
- Phoebe: Look, Cole, my career is the most important thing to me. Okay, so is that your plan? To take it away from me, so that I-I come running to you for comfort?
- Cole: Phoebe, I love you, and I don't know what's going on... but, maybe I can help... Would you like me to kill someone for you... your-your boss, perhaps?
- (Phoebe angrily starts throwing the papers on his desks up.)
- Cole: Hey, hey, hey, hey! HEY!
- Phoebe: I might not be able to use magic, but...
- Cole: You're sexy when you're mad, you know. I can't wait until I get to kiss you again.
- Phoebe: Cole, I will never be with you again. I hate you. I - hate - you. Do you get that?
- Cole: Hate is good. It's passionate, intense. It's-it's... it's a breath away from love.
- (Phoebe laughs and stops abruptly, quickly leaving the room.)
- Cole: Ahh... she's great.
- Piper: I say we go back in there and pull her out by her hair!
- Paige: No, no, we can't make a scene. We need a plan.
- Piper: Ok, here it is. We go home...we vomit...
- Paige: And?
- Piper: That's all I got so far.
- Paige: Leo, we saw Phoebe and Cole's tongues locked, hands groping all over each other.
- Leo: Ok, didn't need the visual.
- Piper: Okay, this just can not be happening, people. I mean, Phoebe would not do this to us. I mean, it cannot, cannot be happening.
- Leo: Okay, well, maybe she's under a spell... or-or maybe there were some information that she wanted and she was using sex as a tool?
- Piper: Okay, I like the sound of that. Sluttly and manipulative. That's better than evil any day.
- Phoebe: Alright, don't call me sweetie. You can't hold a person prisoner and then call them sweetie.
- Piper:
- This witches power cannot fight,
- The lure of evil's magic might,
- Before misuse lands her in hell,
- Remove the powers of Phoebe Halliwell.
- This witches power cannot fight,
- Kaia: (as Phoebe) Knife in the panty drawer...my kind of girl!
- Kaia: (as Phoebe) You don't deserve him.
- Phoebe: How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want him!
Centennial Charmed
[edit]- Paige: (after leaping into Leo and exploding him) Ha! Now THAT is a vanquish!
- Leo: (reappears) Damn it, Paige! I would appreciate it if you didn't practise on me, I may be dead but it STILL HURTS!
- Paige: I am sorry, Leo, but I think I came up with the perfect way to vanquish Cole! I kept thinking 'What is it that makes him so indestructible?' and then I thought 'It's his protection shield!' so I came up with a potion that makes me invisible long enough so I can get past it, say a spell and blow him up from the inside!
- Leo: Firstly, congratulations, cool potion.
- Paige: Thank you! (she curties)
- Leo: Secondly, it will never work.
- Phoebe: What about water birth, can we do that at home?
- Eva: Yeah, we could rent a tub.
- Piper: What am I, a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish!
- Leo: Well, actually dolphins aren't fish, they're mammals.
- Piper: Shut up!
- Lazarus Demon: Go to hell.
- Piper: I'm already there.
- Paige: And you, you're not La Femme Nikita, you're a Charmed One. Yeah, you don't mind kicking ass when you have to, but otherwise you'd rather be hanging out with your sisters, baking cookies, or knitting booties.
- Piper: Knitting booties? Clearly you don't know me at all.
- Piper: So you say the club is still successful in this... 'alleged' other reality of yours?
- Paige: It's not alleged, it's real. And it's... really good.
- Piper: Oh yeah, am I a millionaire?
- Paige: (smiles a bit) No, not that good.
- Piper: Well, how pregnant am I, exactly?
- Paige: Phoebe and I are practising to be your midwives as we speak. We're preparing for the big home birth!
- Piper: Home birth, you're nuts, I'd never agree to that, I - I wouldn't give birth unless it was in a hospital-!
- Paige: Yeah, yeah, you keep saying the same thing in any reality. Hey, who else but a sister would know that?
- Piper: (looking tearful] We must be pretty close then, the three of us.
- Paige: (she nods, also fighting back tears)
- Piper: Like Phoebe and I were with Prue...
- Paige: Yep, close enough to have avenged Prue's death together.
- Piper: Did you guys try to vanquish Belthazor ever?
- Paige: No, but you and Prue almost tried! You guys had a vanquishing potion, right?
- Piper: How do you know that...?
- Paige: Book of Shadows. Also says that it needs a piece of his flesh to make it work.
- Leo: That's right, it did.
- Piper: (she looks at him, then at Paige) All right then. (takes out a dagger) Let's go hunting.
- (Cole walks in on Phoebe and another demon kissing)
- Demon: Sorry, my liege. But I thought... I didn't think...
- (Before he can finish, Cole vanquishes him with an energy ball)
- Phoebe: (infuriated) Are you kidding me? What did you do that for?!
- Cole: What'd I do what for? You're in here screwing some guy, I'm supposed to ignore it? You're my WIFE, goddamn it!
- Phoebe: (disgusted) Oh, you have got to be kidding me. After all this time now you're playing the aggrieved husband?!
- Cole: (flings the contents of her vanity table on the floor) You DON'T UNDERSTAND! IT'S ALL WRONG! It's not the way it's meant to be here!
- Phoebe: (shocked) Okay - it's okay, relax...
- Cole: (almost hysterical) This is all messed up! How'd it get messed up? You have no idea what I've given up for you!
- Phoebe: (she gapes at him) Wh-what about what I've given up, Cole? I've given up my family, my heritage, my life!
- Cole: Oh yeah, from where I'm standing, it looks like you have a pretty damn good life to me!
- Phoebe: Look, the only one getting anything out of this is you. And I have no idea what that is. The only reason I'm still here is to make sure that what happened to Prue does not happen to Piper, and you know it!
- Cole: (despairing) What happened to us, Phoebe? How'd we get here? We used to be so in love! Even without your sisters, it's not working... Why?
- Phoebe: (regretful) I don't know... Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
- Cole: (stares as Piper appears) What are you doing here?
- Piper: Saving my sister. (she blasts Cole into the wall)
- Cole: (looking up from the floor, he sees Paige standing there) You!
- Paige: Surprise! (she runs forward and slices a piece of skin from his hand with Piper's dagger)
- (Cole punches Phoebe to the ground)
- Cole: GO! Go get her sisters, they just attacked me!
- Demon: Sisters? You mean there's another?!
- Cole: Yes, damn it! Get 'em and kill 'em on sight!
- Phoebe: Paige was telling the truth...?
- Cole: I didn't go through all this to lose you, Phoebe. If I'm going down, you're going down with me!
- (Paige, Leo and Piper sneak into the mansion to try and kill Cole. They peer around the corner into the entry hall.)
- Paige: Anything?
- Piper: No.
- Paige: Okay, come on.
- (They creep into the entry hall past the stairs.)
- Phoebe: (running down the stairs) What are you guys doing here? You have to leave now.
- Piper: Where's Cole?
- Cole: (surprising them) Right here. (he throws an energy ball, sending them crashing against the wall)
- Phoebe: No! (she kneels by them while Cole telekinetically draws the vanquishing potion into his hand) What did you do to them?
- Cole: Exactly what they were gonna do to me. (he and Paige glare at each other)
- Paige: (taking Piper's wrist) She's still alive. Grab her hand.
- Phoebe: (bewildered) What?
- Cole: I don't know how you got here, Paige. But if it's any consolation, I know exactly where I'm gonna bury you. Right next to yourself.
- Paige: Grab her hand. (she glares at him and then looks at Phoebe)
- (As Phoebe does so, the chandelier shimmers and covers the three of them in a white light. Cole throws another energy ball, but it bounces off the light.)
- Phoebe: (standing up) The Power of Three.
- Paige: (also standing) That's us. Potion! (her powers activated, the potion orbs from Cole's hand to hers) I do hate long goodbyes.
- (Paige draws her hand back to throw the potion, but Phoebe grabs her hand at the last minute)
- Phoebe: No! (she takes the potion out of Paige's hand)
- Paige: Phoebe, are you crazy? Throw it before he shimmers out!
- Cole: She's not gonna throw it. Are you?
- (Phoebe holds the potion in her hand and stares Cole down)
- Paige: Throw the potion.
- Cole: We've been through so much together, haven't we? Our love's so strong, nothing can destroy it, not even this. We're meant to be together.
- Phoebe: I don't think so.
- (She throws the potion. Screaming, Cole burns up from the inside and blows up.)
- Cole: (groans) (screaming) No!
- Paige: Oh, please, God, tell me I'm back.
- Piper: Oh, there you are. Where'd you orb to?
- Paige: Piper. Are you pregnant?
- Piper: Yeah. Where you been?
- Paige: Oh! (chuckles)
- Piper: (grunting) Where have you been? What happened to your clothes?
- Paige: Time must have continues moving on in this reality, too.
- Piper: I beg your pardon?
- Paige: I'm back!
- Phoebe: Hey. What's going on?
- Piper: She's very happy.
- Paige: Phoebe!
- Phoebe: Hi. Oh! Oh, okay. What's the celebration?
- Paige: I'm just... so happy to be home, that's all!
- Piper: You wanted to move out.
- Paige: I did? God, no. Never! Well, I mean, you know, maybe when I'm married or pregnant or... hopefully both at the same time. We're sisters. We shouldn't split up until we absolutely have to. You know that, right?
- Piper: She's rambling.
- Phoebe: I hear that.
- Paige: (sneezes) I'm still here, right?
- Piper: Mm-hmm.
- Paige: I didn't go anywhere.
- Phoebe: No.
- Paige: (sighs)
- Phoebe: Paige, what did you do?
- Phoebe: Cole?
- Paige: I'm telling you, he's gone. For good.
- Phoebe: Yeah, that's what we thought last time.
- Piper: And the time before that.
- Paige: This time is different. He straddled two worlds just like I did, but he wasn't invincible there. Cole's not coming back... ever.
- Piper: It just seems far too easy. I don't know how I feel about that.
- Paige: I think you should feel good about it, you know? We don't have to look over our shoulders anymore. It's over.
- Phoebe: I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
- Piper: Let's go.
- Paige: Happy birthday, Cole.
House Call
[edit]- Piper: Alright, Sally, go meet Harry.
- Phoebe:
- Free us of the ties that bind,
- Of evil magic intertwined,
- We call upon the one who cures,
- He who's to the Dark inured.
- Free us of the ties that bind,
- Witchdoctor: Now where's the evil?
- Piper: Oh, here, there, everywhere.
- Witchdoctor: Ever vanquished a demon in this house?
- Phoebe: Oh, only about a hundred.
- Piper: Give or take..
- Phoebe: Another hundred.
- Glen: Hurt, why? Wait, you thought you and I...
- Paige: No! no. I didn't think that at all
- Jessica: Glen, the minister's waiting
- Glen: You okay?
- Paige: I'm fine. Jessica, I wanted to apologise for not being very friendly earlier, I really am sorry.
- Jessica: Thank you, thanks for saying that.
- Paige: I just don't understand what Glen's doing with such a blonde bimbette!
- Jessica & Glen: What?!
- Paige: And really, who's the surgeon who does those boobs, because they are fantastic, I should get the number for a friend of mine.
- Glen: Paige, what the hell is wrong with you?
- Paige: Me? Well nothing's wrong with me, I'm not the one marrying the wrong woman!
- Spencer Ricks: If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen baby. Oh wait, that's a woman's place, isn't it? So then you wouldn't have anywhere to go, would you?
- Phoebe: You know what? You are a turkey. And turkeys don't write columns. (She turns him into a turkey) But they do make delicious dinners.
- Phoebe: A little help here.
- Piper: What are you doing with that thing?
- Phoebe: Well, first I'm going to kill it and then I'm going to stuff it.
- Piper: You are not bringing that filthy thing in the house.
- Phoebe: Oh, yes I am. Thanksgiving is early this year.
- Paige: Listen, Piper, you can't just vanquish an entire house. Especially not our house! People are gonna notice.
- Piper: Yeah, actually. Take her to the attic and keep her away from that turkey.
- Phoebe: Yeah, take me to the turkey.
- Paige: Talk about premature jubilation. You guys really ought to talk to a doctor about that.
Sand Francisco Dreamin'
[edit]- Paige: Now that you mention it, I have seen my share of a certain finger while I was driving over here.
- Paige: Besides, everybody is odd in San Francisco. That's why we fit in so well!
- Piper: Why would a demon be interested in killing people's dreams? I mean, they're just harmless erotic fun.
- Paige: Did you say erotic?
- Piper: (loudly) Exotic! I said exotic!
- Dream-clown: Who's the clown?
- Phoebe: Who's the fox?
- Dream-guy: I'm Piper's dream lover.
- Piper: Oh! Oh no! Listen we've never slept together in the dream, world, place...
- Leo: It doesn't take a shrink to figure out Piper's dreams. You wanna screw somebody else.
- Piper: Well at least he makes me feel sexy and not like some walking incubator. Although I guess that's what you've been dreaming about.
- Leo: What about me!
- Piper: Honey, we've got our own dreams to deal with, and the tracer. We'll deal with your Mr. Mom issues later.
The Day the Magic Died
[edit]- Phoebe: Okay, Paige, while unicorns may be very magical and cool, I'm not so sure it's appropriate for a baby. Have you seen those hooves? And how are we gonna baby proof that horn?
- Phoebe:You take the magical farm animals and put them in the basement
- Paige:You're Spanish...Andale!
- Phoebe:
- Take this beast,
- Before I end her,
- Ship her back,
- Return to sender.
- Take this beast,
- Stanley: My name will haunt you to your grave.
- Phoebe: What was his name again?
- Paige: I don't remember.
- (dragging Standley's body)
- Paige: Mmmm! Come on dead guy!
- Cronyn: I hate good magic...fairy tales, wishes on stars, and children who believe in Santa Claus. Mortals don't know it exists, but magic infuses all their hopes and dreams.
- Paige: Stand back. I think he's gonna break out in song.
- Cronyn: Magic must be saved. And it's up to us.
- Paige: Us? We're us. You're them. We don't help thems. Sorry.
- Cronyn: My cell phone's on the back in case your sister changes her mind.
- Phoebe: Cronyn, huh? Since when do sorcerers have cell phones?
- Cronyn: You think that's bad? I've got a taxi waiting out front. Call me.
- Phoebe: Yeah, but I kinda liked his whole 'world without magic' speech. Very Capra.
- Paige: It was pure Crapa.
- Doris: Oh, girls, I just wanted to let you know how I feel about your father. I.. I just feel so, so lucky. He's the most special man I've ever met.
- Piper: Thank you.
- Phoebe: That's the sweetest thing you could ever say to us.
- Doris: Well it's true, you know. He's so.. he's so kind and he's so sensitive and.. oh, he's the most exciting lover. I mean, girlfriends, he can go all night!
- Paige: These were mine, and now will be yours. Chain-mail top, from my club days. Steel-toed boots, from my mosh pit days. Handcuffs, from last Friday.
- Leo: Okay, well it's really nothing to worry about. Magic has disappeared from the world and Phoebe and Paige went to have a summit meeting with evil so they could fix it. See, nothing to worry about.
- Phoebe: Step aside, bitch!
- Paige: Yeah, that's our job.
- Piper: Phoebe, if you love me, you will send this crazy bastard straight to hell!
- Phoebe:
- Beast of legend, myth and lore,
- Give my words the power to soar,
- And kill this evil evermore.
- Beast of legend, myth and lore,
- Paige: Is that what I think it is?
- Phoebe: Uh, if you're referring to Mr. Winky, between the legs, yes.
- Leo: Whoa, what'd I miss?
- Piper: A lot!
- Paige: Victor needs help!
- Phoebe: Ok, breathe. Keep breathing, keep breathing. Don't forget to breathe. Very good! Relax. Relax.
- Piper: Dad!
- Victor: Yeah, honey?
- Piper: I'm sorry about your demon wife.
- Victor: Oh, hush. Don't think about that.
- Leo: I'm right here, baby.
- Phoebe: You okay? You okay? Ok, you're doing great. You're doing great. Push, okay? Last push.
- Piper: I can't.
- Phoebe: You have to. A big one. Big one! Push!
- Leo: You can do it.
- Piper: I can't.
- Phoebe: You can. You can.
- Paige: Yes, you can.
- Phoebe: You're gonna be okay. Push. Push! Push!
- Paige: Oh, I think the magic is coming back.
- Phoebe: Here we go. Here we go! Oh, I see a shoulder. And another shoulder. And an arm, another arm. Oh, and something else. Something else.
- Piper: What? What?
- Phoebe: Hi, baby. Hi. Okay. Okay. Look!
- Paige: Oh. Is that what I think it is?
- Leo: You mean, I got a boy?
- Phoebe: Here you go, mama.
- Piper: Hi. Hi, little guy. What are you doing? Look what we did.
- Leo: I see.
- Paige: It's a miracle.
- Piper: A little miracle.
- Phoebe: He's beautiful.
- Piper:Oh. You are safe, you are loved, and you are wise.
Baby's First Demon
[edit]- Piper:They knew about the forcefield.They almost flew him outta the window.
- Pheobe:Can't they have maternity leaves for new aunties??
- Piper:Hey! Hes just a baby! He's small and little and...
- Piper: I'm still having trouble letting go of the name we settled on.
- Phoebe: Yeah well, Prudence Melinda might get him in trouble at school.
- Paige: I'm thinking that's probably true, although he could just zap them onto a roof like Harry Potter would or something.
- Piper: After seeing what the kid can do inside the womb, he's no Muggle.
- Phoebe: Hey, what about Potter? Potter Halliwell? Or is it Wyatt?
- Leo: No, it's definitely Halliwell. Demons fear it, good magic respects it, and I want what's best for him. That's why I'm going to say no to Potter.
- Piper: The demons saw the forcefield, they're gonna try and find a way around it.
- Paige: Well unless they can get up to Elderland, he's gonna be fine.
- Piper: Magical goods? My baby is a "magical good?" That is just sick and twisted.
- Leo: How'd it go with the new boss?
- Phoebe: Oh, Jason Dean? I want to bear his children, but that's besides the point.
- Piper: Even if he can handle the demons, he must sense the tension, which means at the very best we end up with a neurotic infant.
- Leo: Look on the bright side... growing up with your sisters, he was bound to be neurotic anyway.
- Piper: I don't have the luxury of being careful now that half of Demonville is after our child.
- Parasite demon: Who are you?
- Piper: I'm the mother.
- Piper: It's just so hard to leave. It's so hard to make Phoebe leave.
- Phoebe: Oh...I could just eat your little face...
- Piper: Phoeb? After the parasites that did actually kinda want to eat him...not so cute.
- Phoebe: Gotcha! Oooh, I could smush you! Oooh, I could just smush your little face!
- Piper: Much better.
- Paige: Is that his new name? Smush Face Halliwell?
- Leo: 'S about as good as everything else we've come up with.
- Phoebe: No new ideas, huh?
- Piper: Actually-
- Leo: No, we've been so busy with the alarm and the demon fighting and the sister saving. (he looks at Paige)
- Paige: Sorry...
- Piper: Oh, don't be sorry, Paige, you were brave! And you inspired me to fight and you made the world a safer place for our baby... which is why I would like to give the baby the middle name of Matthew, in honor of his super-protective Aunt Paige.
- Phoebe: I think that's a great idea.
- Piper: (looks at Leo) What do you think?
- Leo: (he smiles) Yeah.
- Paige: (touched) Thanks.
- Piper: And I also have an idea for his first name! Wyatt, in honor of his very protective daddy.
- Leo: (stunned but happy) Really? It doesn't begin with a 'P'...
- Piper: Well, so we break with tradition.
Lucky Charmed
[edit]- Phoebe: My date is a demon!
- Piper: Huh? What? That guy? But he's so hot.
- Phoebe: Yeah. Hot as in flames of hell hot. Look, I had a premonition. He devours his victims. I'm next. Freeze the room.
- Piper: Uhh! My sister, the demon magnet.
- Piper: I have to get back to going bankrupt. Actually, scratch that. I have to get back to fighting with my husband.
- Piper: Freaking ever useless Elders!
- Piper: Okay, look, I can schedule in five minutes for a sisterly chat, but then I gotta go.
- Phoebe: I cannot schedule in sisterly chat.
- Piper: I'm telling you. You got 4 minutes and 55 seconds.
- Paige: My sweater shrunk.
- Piper: Ah, come on, you've worn tighter things than that.
- Piper: Hello, have you forgotten about the big-boob fiasco??
- Paige: No, my back still hurts.
- Paige:
- Finances have run amok,
- Creditors I soon must duck,
- I cast this spell to find good luck,
- And hope my life will cease to suck.
- Finances have run amok,
- Seamus: What is this, a coven or a day-care center?!
- Neil Giraldo: Hey, how ya been Seamus? It's been a long time.
- Seamus: Don't even try it Neil, I already hit you with my best shot, that's all you get.
- Phoebe: No, actually...nothing happened.
- Seamus: What? That's impossible. Did you take any risks? Get lucky with that fella?
- Piper: What 'fella'?
- Phoebe: I think he's talking about Jason. And no! I did not get luck with Jason... Not that I'd want to anyway...
- Seamus: Hmm... So the burned child dreads the fire, eh?
- Phoebe: My bruises have bruises.
- Saleel: The Charmed Ones. It's about time you got here
- Phoebe: Yeah, well, we had to make a little pit stop somewhere over the rainbow.
- Paige (while trying to hand the red-haired leprechaun Seamus's staff) Here. I think, this belongs to you.
- Red-Haired Leprechaun: Actually, darlin', I think Seamus wants you to keep this. For all you done for us, for savin' our kind.
- Paige: Aw, you guys kinda did that yourselves. It was your luck, after all.
- Red-Haired Leprechaun: Ha hay, but it was your fighting spirit that sparked it. The same spirit Seamus had.
- Paige: I wish I could, accept that, compliment, but… I was just looking to be reimbursed, to tell you the truth. I felt like… magic owed me.
- Red-Haired Leprechaun: And you still feel that way?
- Paige: No. I don't.
- Red-Haired Leprechaun: Doesn't matter what brings a person; only what they leave with.
Cat House
[edit]- Phoebe: She was engaged to a warlock.
- Paige: Dan was a warlock?
- Phoebe: Oh no, before Dan. Way before Dan. Two bankers, a rock climber and a ghost before Dan. And actually the ghost was the best of the bunch.
- Paige: See, now that's what I call critical sisterly information. How am I meant to be petty and judgemental without all the info.
- Leo: Piper, what are you doing? You can't freeze the shrink, we're on the clock!!
- Piper:
- Let the truth be told,
- Let our lives unfold,
- So we can relive our memories,
- And stop being enemies.
- Let the truth be told,
- Phoebe: I was under a spell. Evil
- Paige: Evil? You were blonde!
- Phoebe: Wait a minute. You just said something.
- Paige: I did? Was it smart?
- Leo: I work, she says I'm never around. I quit my job, she says I'm around too much.
- Piper: We did learn that we have some issues to work on. Like somebody need to get a life first.
- Leo: And one of us needs to be wife first.
- Phoebe: Oh, easy on the rhyming. No more spells.
- Piper: Are you sure I can't get you anything? Coffee? Tea? A saucer of milk?
- Phoebe: Very funny.
- Paige: A little funny.
- Katrina/Kit: No, I'm fine. Although, I wouldn't mind some kibble. If you've got any.
- (Katrina holds a serious expression while Piper stares at her with disbelief. She finally breaks into a smile.)
- Piper: That's not funny.
- Piper: Yeah, by the way, what was with the scratching of my bedpost? What was that?
- Katrina/Kit: I had to keep my nails sharp.
- Piper: Yeah, see, that's just very creepy.
Nymphs Just Wanna Have Fun
[edit]- Phoebe: I did something really bad! I slept with my boss!
- Piper: Jason!?
- Phoebe: No Elise...yes of course Jason!
- Piper: You color-coded the Book of Shadows?
- Paige: Uh huh.
- Piper: We need Phoebe!
- Phoebe: Hello?
- Piper: Ask and you shall receive!
- Paige: Vanquishing demons is not a sport, Piper.
- Piper: It is if you're good at it!
- Miranda: You know, Paige, we think that you need to get back to your...
- Miranda & Daisy: Wild side!
- Paige: Girls, you might just have a point.
- Daisy: You're right, she is the one.
- [They giggle and dance around her.]
- Paige: The one for what?
- [They stand on either side of Paige and kiss her cheeks. She instantly changes into a nymph, with really long hair and wearing a green dress.]
- Miranda: The one to help us find our new Satyr.
- Jason: Isn't that your sister?
- Phoebe: Yeah...Paige!
- Jason: She's one of the Godiva girls?!
- Phoebe: Well thanks to me, my paper's going to get an exclusive on her because I slept with Jason!
- Piper: Oh good, so this is all your fault then?
- Phoebe: Uh huh.
- Piper: Perfect.
- Phoebe: Are we back to blaming you again?
- Piper: Yep.
- Phoebe: Just checking.
- Paige:
- Changing seasons, changes all,
- Life renews as creation calls,
- Changing seasons, changes all,
- Piper:
- Nothing is immune, everything transmutes,
- So take this demon and give him roots.
- Nothing is immune, everything transmutes,
- Piper: He is so innocent. If only he had any idea what Mommy and Auntie Paige did today.
- Leo: They turned a very bad man into a very big tree.
- Leo: Rock on.
- Piper: Don't do that.
- Leo: Rock on.
- Piper: Give it up man.
Sense and Sense Ability
[edit]- Piper: I'm telling you, it's not gonna fit. Nothing fits anymore and if he keeps growing at this rate, we're gonna have to send him off to college by next week
- Phoebe: Oh my God! Piper, you're blind!
- Piper: Yeah, Phoebe, I just said that, now could we talk about how a monkey could do that.
- Phoebe: What did she say?
- Piper: What did who say? The monkey? The monkey didn't say anything, he covered my eyes and stole my eyesight.
- Phoebe: I think the monkey stole your eyesight when he covered your eyes!
- Piper: Ugh, Phoebe, are you listening to me? That's just what I said.. ugh, you are acting like you can't even hear me.
- Phoebe: Oh Piper it's no use, I can't even hear you. The monkey stoled my hearing.
- Piper: Alright, speak and spell.
- Phoebe: You killed Aunt Pearl's couch.
- Phoebe: Ooh, you're an angry monkey. Ooh, you're pissed! You're...PMS monkey? [Paige looks at her oddly] No, no, of course not...
- Piper: What about Leo?
- Phoebe: Oh no, did I kill the hag too soon?
- Piper: Oh, if she hurt him, you know, I'm going to have to revive her and kill her again.
- Piper: Everything okay?
- Paige: Better than okay. I am gonna have a love life.
- Phoebe: You're making a love potion?
- Paige: No, I'm making a stun potion.
- Piper: So that lovers will be stunned by you?
- Paige: No, so that Kazis will be stunned by me.
- Phoebe: You're in love with a Kazi demon'?
- Paige: [sighing exasperatedly] Stay with me, people.
- [Paige points to her ear]
- Phoebe: You hear something? [Paige nods and makes a talking motion with her hand] You hear puppets?
- Phoebe: [to Paige] You lost your voice when you were trying to sing to him? That is so romantic! And humiliating. Yeah, I see your point...
Necromancing the Stone
[edit]- See also: necromancing
- Phoebe: Your grandmother is just going to eat you up when she meets you. But no spitting up. And none of that toxic poop you do sometimes. Grams hasn't been around babies since she was alive.
- Piper: Grams... meet the next generation of Halliwells. (she gives Grams the baby) Baby Wyatt!
- Grams: Wyatt? (she laughs) That's a silly name for a girl, isn't it?
- Phoebe: Grams! It's a boy! (her grandmother stares at her) Look at the outfit!
- Paige: (in disbelief) You didn't know?
- Grams: Well, no, I - I just assumed it was a... what went wrong?
- Leo: (offended) Wrong?
- Grams: (backtracking) Oh well, I don't mean 'wrong' wrong, it's just that we've... (staring at Wyatt with some mistrust) always had... girls.
- Piper: (determinedly upbeat) And now we have a boy!
- Grams: Now they'd be better off with a dog. More loyal and they die sooner.
- Leo: Excuse me?
- Grams: Oh... (chuckles) Don't mind me. You know, I never have very much luck with men.
- Leo: But you've been married four times.
- Grams: Exactly.
- Leo: (talking to Wyatt as Piper and Grams go upstairs) Now you know why we don't summon her more often... yeah.
- Nate: I always sorta thought this stuff was real, you know, I just didn't really know it was really real. Oh my God, my wife is going to love this!
- Paige: Excuse me?
- Nate: Did I just say wife?
- Paige: You're married? You never told me you were married.
- Nate: I didn't tell you that I had children either, but...
- Grams: And, you know, men are just so...
- Paige: Evil! That's what they are. They are just plain evil.
- Piper: Oh. I take it Nate wasn't too happy about you being a witch.
- Paige: Oh, Nate was fine with my being a witch. It's maybe his wife that would have had a problem.
- Piper: He's married?
- Paige: Yeah. With two kids.
- Piper: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
- Grams: I told you she should have gotten a dog.
- Necromancer: Penny!
- Piper: Penny?
- Phoebe: What's going on here?
- Piper: Your grandmother hates her grandson. That's what's going on.
- Grams: That's not true.
- Piper: Oh, I'm sorry, you just hate men, is that correct?
- Paige: Ghosts can still feel pain. Maybe I can just orb his testicles somewhere.
- Piper: Paige there will be no talk of testicle orbing in front of the child
- Leo: Not around his daddy either.
- Piper: Grams was alive when she banished the Necromancer, right?
- Phoebe: Right.
- Piper: Okay, well, now she's dead!
- Paige: You sound so happy about that.
- Grams:
- I call forth from space and time,
- Matriarchs from the Halliwell line,
- Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends,
- Our families spirit without end,
- To gather now in this sacred place,
- And help us bring this child to grace.
- I call forth from space and time,
Oh My Goddess, Pt 1
[edit]- Phoebe: Well my boyfriend moved to Hong Kong, I'm thoroughly depressed, but I still managed to sign up six people. and you have?
- Paige: I have none people.
- Phoebe: Hmm. None people.
- Phoebe: You and Leo are back in the saddle?
- Piper: So to speak..
- Phoebe: Yay you! God I miss sex!
- Piper: I'd rather just snipe later than be honest and open about my feelings now.
- Phoebe: I'm all over him.. it! I mean it.
- Paige: Did you get anything?
- Phoebe: Yeah, frost bite.
- Piper: Friend or foe?
- Phoebe: Not so sure yet.
- Chris: What do you mean? I saved Paige, didn't I?
- Phoebe: Oh, you call that saving, do you?
- Phoebe: Ooh check out the size of that Oracle's...ball.
- Piper: I'm going to go see what Future Boy is up to.
- Piper: What are you doing?
- Chris: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find a way to free stone cold Paige over here.
Oh My Goddess, Pt 2
[edit]- Piper: You expect us to beat the Titans dressed like this?! Maybe at a costume party!
- Chris: That's not a costume. That represents your new position and power.
- Paige: Power? Power's good. I like power. Why do I like power?
- Chris: Because you are the Goddess of War.
- Paige: Ahh. Well, I guess that explains the pitch fork.
- Chris: It's not a pitch fork, it's a trident. Be careful, that's a formidable weapon.
- Paige: Right on. Who wants to fight?
- Phoebe: I'm a lover, not a fighter.
- Chris: You're the Goddess of Love.
- Piper: Naturally. Well, then that must make me the Goddess of Sanity because I find this ridiculous!
- Phoebe: Paige, make love not.. you know. There's no door love can't open, no wall love can't climb, no hurdle love can't... hurdle.
- Chris: What the hell is this? Goddesses gone wild?
- Paige: Reason and judgement are the qualities of a leader. Tacitus 100 AD.
- Phoebe: Love will keep us together. Captain and Tennille. 1970s.
- Cronus: Who are you?
- Paige: The Supremes.
- Phoebe: Oh my, my, my! Aren't you just the edible elder? Have you taken a vow of celibacy?
- Phoebe: One more question...what are you wearing underneath that robe?
- Roland: More robes.
- Piper: Don't you jingle me, mister!
- Phoebe: Or how about "I'm going to go check with the Elders". Do you really think he checks with the Elders?
- Paige: No. He probably orbs to a sports bar and buys his buddies a round of drinks. "Yeah, my wife thinks I'm up there. Here's to the Elders".
- Chris: Don't worry, one day you'll learn to trust me...they all will.
- Leo: You need to channel your hearth and home instincts to fight the Titans.
- Piper: I was speaking from the heart not the hearth.
- Leo: You're not the ancient greeks, you're the charmed ones. I didn't give you anything you can't handle. Phoebe, you lost yourself to the darkest love that ever existed, and you came back. Of course you can handle being the Goddess of Love.
- Phoebe: I never thought of it that way.
- Leo: Paige, you're the Goddess of War because you've been consumed with gaining power but you've never let the power consume you. And Piper, is it any wonder that I made you the Goddess of Earth? You are everything that is good and beautiful in this world, the mother of my son.
- Piper: You really have that much faith in us?
- Leo: You really need to ask that?
- Piper: It's not nice to piss off Mother Nature.
- Phoebe: Thank God!
- Piper: You're welcome.
- Piper: I can't just give up. I don't know how.
- Piper: You asked me to marry you and I said yes. You wanted a family and I gave you a son. And now you want me to just watch you walk away?
Season 6
[edit]Valhalley of the Dolls, Pt 1
[edit]- Phoebe: All right, all right. What do you want advice on?
- Chad: See, there's this woman that I like, and I'd like to ask her out. But I'm afraid she'll say no. What should I do?
- Phoebe: Well, why don't you just ask me and find out?
- Paige: I'm a dog-walker. The temp agency messed up.
- Phoebe:
- From other worlds far and near,
- Let's get him the Trok out of here.
- Paige: What kind of whitelighter can't heal?
- Chris: For the record, you can't heal either.
- Paige: I'm half whitelighter. How come you didn't tell us about this before we hired you?
- Chris: Because you didn't hire me. I was assigned by the elders.
- Phoebe: Any other little surprises you'd like to share with us?
- Chris: No. Look, I haven't been a whitelighter very long, okay? And healing, it's big. And takes a while to learn how to do.
- Phoebe: Great, student-lighter.
- Paige:
- Powers and emotions tied,
- A witch's heart is where it hides,
- Help her through her agony,
- Bless her with her memory.
- Powers and emotions tied,
- Phoebe: Oh, Piper, hi! You're never gonna believe this. I think I have a new power. It would certainly explain a lot of my weird behaviour lately, like why I wanted to date Chad and why my advice has been so amazingly accurate. I know, this is huge, right? Huge. So what's my new power you ask? Oh, I'll tell you. Do you remember that empath we helped a couple of years ago? That guy that could feel what other people were feeling?
- Chris: Uh, Phoebe.
- Phoebe: Just a sec. I think that's what I am now. An empath. I am an empath. That's my new power. Or at least an advancement of my premonition power, I don't know.
- Chris: Neither does she, I'm afraid. Know, that is, anything. Paige erased her memory.
- Piper: Can you blow things up too?
Valhalley of the Dolls, Pt 2
[edit]- Paige: Well that little magical whammy you performed on her kind of, um, backfired.
- Phoebe: You see, after you left, Piper was really...
- Paige: Chipper. Yeah, incessantly, increasingly, annoyingly chipper.
- Phoebe: What she said.
- Leo: Well, it was supposed to make her feel less pain. I guess with me not around to pull it back a little bit, she got happier and happier?
- Paige: Um, no, psychotically chipper.
- Leo: Paige...
- Phoebe: Let her go. It might seem silly to you, but it's important to her, I know.
- Chris: See? It helps to be an empath.
- Phoebe: No, it helps to be a sister.
- Biker: Hell's bells. What have we got here? What, is there a Xena convention in town or something?
- Kara: On your knees.
- Biker: Excuse me? I got a better idea. How bout you get on your knees instead.
- Kara: Who are you to speak to us that way?
- Freyja: Kara.
- Kara: You don't command us, we command you.
- Piper: This isn't Valhalla. You don't have dominion over men here.
- Freyja: Then how do you train them? How do they take orders?
- Piper: They don't.
- (Lots of dogs are barking.)
- Paige: What is going on here?
- Oscar: Badass fight, that's what.
- Paige: Who said that?
- Oscar: Oh, wait, you mean you can hear me? Well, hallelujah. It's about time.
- Paige: Please don't tell me you're talking to me.
- Oscar: Are you kidding? I've been trying to get your attention for two days now. I'm in serious trouble here.
- Paige: Okay. It's okay, Paige. You've dealt with weirder stuff than this. Maybe-maybe my powers are just advancing. Maybe I can understand animals now.
- Oscar: Oh, please, give me a break. Until you accepted that there might be a reason you got this job, you weren't going to be open to helping me.
- ...
- Paige:
- I call upon the Halliwells.
- I call our powers to undo this spell.
- Make right again, that we must.
- Reverse the curse that made this mutt.
- Phoebe: Okay, but you don't have to yell at me. 'Cause I can sense how mad you are.
- Paige: Okay, just 'cause you can sense doesn't mean I can't vent.
- Phoebe: Reverse the spell. Reverse the spell.
- Paige: All right, uh.
- Spell was cast,
- Now make it pass.
- Remove it now,
- Don't ask me how.
- Phoebe: I mean, just because I could feel some glimmer of Piper's feelings doesn't mean she can. She's completely cut off from them.
- Chris: Wait, wait, wait, hold it. Isn't there a spell that allows somebody to feel what you feel? Which in this case would be Piper feeling what you're feeling Piper should be feeling... Did that make any sense?
- Paige: Um, frightening, it did.
- Paige: Well, then the question is how do we get close enough to her without her kicking our butts?
- Phoebe: I could use my new power to counteract hers.
- Chris: How do you figure?
- Phoebe: Well, our powers are emotion-based, right? If I can channel Piper's feelings, why can't I channel her powers? And then use them against her.
- Paige:
- Open Piper's heart to reveal,
- That part which only Phoebe feels.
- Send it back from whence it came,
- But don't protect her from the pain.
Forget Me... Not
[edit]- Leo: Chris, what are you doing sitting around here? Aren't you supposed to be getting to know your new charge?
- Natalie: Oh, hi, Leo.
- Chris: Okay, look, before you get mad, you're the one who wanted me to have a charge in the first place. Remember?
- Leo: To protect her.
- Natalie: Oh, he was using protection.
- Chris: Yeah, I don't think that's what he meant.
- Paige:
- Moments lost make witches wonder.
- Warlocks plot or demons plunder.
- If this is not a prank.
- Help us to fill in the blanks.
- Piper: (to Wyatt) Okay, bud, here we go. Here we go, okay. Hey, lookie, how about this? (picks up a teddy) You like this guy? Hello. No? Pheebs, a little help here.
- Phoebe: We hate that toy. It's yucky and crusty and gross.
- Piper: Okay, then what does he want?
- Phoebe: That. (points at the TV)
- Piper: Yeah, see, I am a failure.
- Paige: No, you're not. We just happen to have more pressing concerns right now than the media's influence.
- (Phoebe and Paige orb onto KLMV News)
- Kaneisha (Presenter): I don't know what's happening here, I...
- Paige: Well, it's called magic, Kaneisha. Witchcraft, specifically. I really love your... jacket! (orbs the jacket to her)
- Phoebe: Wanna see more magic? Let's check in with Piper at the Golden Gate Bridge. Take it away, Piper!
- (Cut to a VT of Piper)
- Piper:
- Let the object of objection become but a dream
- As I cause the scene to become unseen.
- (Golden Gate Bridge disappears) You might want to take an alternate route to work in the morning.
The Power of Three Blondes
[edit]- Phoebe: She's at her new temp job.
- Chris: She's still on that kick?
- Piper: It's not a kick, Chris. It's her quest for happiness outside of magic.
- Chris: Yeah, but it's a temp job. Who finds happiness on a temp job?
- Nanny: Let me take the boy for a walk.
- Piper: All right. Just don't forget a hat for those ears.
- Nanny: I always keep the baby warm.
- Piper: I meant yours.
- Mitzy: We made the book of shadows? What, no picture?
- Margo: Just a paragraph. A really, really tiny paragraph.
- Mabel: "The Stillman Sisters: Mabel, Mitzy, Margo. Common witches known for their small-time hustles and cons. Not worth vanquishing. If they become a nuisance, try a simple spell to bind their magic."
- Margo: Oh. Well, at least we got an entry.
- Mitzy: Yeah, but look at what they think of us. Common witches, not worth vanquishing?
- Mabel: Is that right? Well, check what these common witches just did. We're standing in the home of the Charmed Ones. We got their powers. We got their Book, and we got... blonde, multi-tonal hair. Who's the nuisance now?
- Margo: We are.
- Mitzy: Oh yeah!
- Piper: Without picture ID's, we got no credit cards, we got nothing. It's like we don't exist.
- Paige: Everyone in the world thinks we're these trashy blondes. I do have to hand it to them, though. They've taken identity theft to a whole new level.
- Mitzy: Surprised to see us? I got my first premonition tonight.
- Phoebe: I know you did, you genius. I planted it to lead you here.
- Mitzy: ¡Oh!
- Margo: Well, from where I'm standing, that's seems like a stupid thing to do. And I know a LOT about stupid things!
- Piper: (Ironically) Yeah, see, she got us there!
- Paige: Ah, don't worry, this blonde couldn't hit the broad side of a beauty parlour. I mean, check out that dye job!
- (The Stilman sisters gasp)
- Mabel: How dare you!
- Piper: How did you know they weren't us?
- Chris: In all my life I have never seen you take the bait the way that witch took it from you.
- Phoebe: In all your life? But you've only been our Whitelighter for two months.
- Chris: Let's just reverse the magic.
Love's A Witch
[edit]- Phoebe: Trust me. The sooner you get back on the dating horse, the easier it will be.
- Piper: No, I know. You're right, you're absolutely right. It's just, the truth is, I'm a little scared. I mean, I was married to an angel, for crying out loud. Who is gonna compare to that?
- Phoebe: I know, but, Piper, you also dated a demon, a warlock and a ghost, you know. That's what you should be scared of.
- Piper: Super pep talk, sis.
- Phoebe: (while Leo and Chris are fighting) Oh, there's a lot of love in this room!
- Phoebe:
- Lead me back,
- From whence this came,
- Help me help my sister's pain.
- Paige: Oh, she's not only butting in, she's taking sides.
- Phoebe: Look, Paige, it's not only what I saw but it's what I felt. Don't you think if they just tried to kill someone I would have felt some intense anger coming from them? But I didn't.
- Paige: I don't know. Are you sensing any intense anger coming at you right now?
- Leo: How was your date?
- Piper: Short.
- Leo: Short? You mean like "leprechaun" short?
- Piper: No, Leo, he wasn't short, the date was cut short by this.
- Phoebe: Okay, they're all here and these people are in major need of peace talk.
- Paige:
- Unknown spirit, we call to thee,
- Those who wish to set you free,
- Cross on over so we may help,
- Come to us, reveal yourself.
- Piper: Okay, let's look at the bright side. We settled a family feud, we set free a tortured soul, maybe your new power and Paige's new solo path away from the sisterhood, is some kind of synergy, that is all working together in some kind of divine way.
- Phoebe and Paige: Nah.
My Three Witches
[edit]- Paige: Well call me butter, 'cause I'm on a roll.
- Phoebe: You've got me, Jason Dean. I'm yours. So no more wooing.
- Jason: Okay, no more wooing. I guess I'll cancel our helicopter to Carmel for dinner.
- Phoebe: No, no, no, maybe a little bit more wooing.
- Phoebe: Yeah. If I had to guess, I would say it's a world of desire, but it's not my desire, it's your desire. I can feel how much you want all of this for me.
- Jason: Yes, Phoebe, I want everything for you including sanity. If I die, promise me you'll see a doctor.
Soul Survivor
[edit]- Phoebe: I have half a mind to call Jason and complain about it, but I don't wanna use our relationship for leverage.
- Piper: What's the use of sleeping with your boss, then?
- Phoebe: Because I actually enjoy sleeping with my boss.
- Piper: Yeah, don't brag.
- Zahn: Consider yourself repossessed.
- Piper: What the hell is going on?
- Paige: Bitch later, vanquish now. (Piper and Phoebe vanquish the demon Zahn)
- Phoebe: I love watching lawyers explode!
- Piper: Can I bitch now?
- (Wyatt glows his eyes at Richard, trying to scare him)
- Richard: Does he do that a lot?
- Piper: Wyatt?
- Phoebe: What is he doing? Why is he doing that?
- Piper: Apparently he's trying to scare away all of my dates. You little rat. Did your father teach you that?
- Phoebe: So not the time!
- Piper: You're right. You're grounded! (Piper passes Wyatt to Phoebe)
- (Leo and Chris time-travel and get stuck in prehistory)
- Chris: I don't understand, why can't we orb?
- Leo: Prehistoric. Magic won't be around until there's people around to use it.
- Chris: Perfect. We'll just hang out for the next million years or so, no problem.
- Leo: More like sixty-five million. It's the cretaceous period.
- Chris: Man, you are old.
Sword and the City
[edit]- Paige: Okay, anyway, Book, Excalibur...?
- Phoebe: Yeah, nothing. Nada.
- Paige: Really?
- Piper: Told you.
- Paige: You know, hey, maybe it's been out of circulation since ye olden days, and maybe no Halliwell has ever come across it before.
- Phoebe: Well, we have run across these guys, executioner demons, lower-level badasses for hire.
- Piper: Who hired them?
- Phoebe: This higher-level badass. (shows them the 'Dark Knight' page in the book)
- Mordaunt: The sword has chosen. You are the new saviour. The champion of good, the master of Excalibur. Welcome to your new destiny.
- Piper: Oh, crap.
- Mordaunt: It's drawn to you, just like you're drawn to it.
- Piper: Do I look like I'm drawn to it, pal?
- Mordaunt: You will be in time.
- Piper: No, I don't have time to play Queen Arthur.
- Phoebe: Yeah, but I don't need divine help. I need filing and faxing and desk management help.
- Paige: I'm your girl. I really am. We'll just, you know, see if the divine stuff kind of appears later. Usually does.
- Phoebe: Yeah, but I can't tell you what to do. I mean, how weird is that?
- Paige: Well, it's no weirder than usual.
- Phoebe: Oh, I see.
- Paige: Just kidding, sort of.
Little Monsters
[edit]- Phoebe: I sort of told him that I loved him last night.
- Piper: Oh, and this is bad?
- Phoebe: No, except I said, "I love you too." As if he said "I love you" first, which he didn't.
- Piper: So wait, you told him that he loves you before he told you that he loves you? Yeah, that's not good.
- Paige:
- Blessed with powers from my destiny,
- I bless this hero with invincibility.
- Phoebe: I still can't believe we vanquished its mummy.
- Paige: Yeah, but we didn't know it was a mummy and besides, mummy tried to kill us.
- Chris: What? I'm being ridiculous? There is a demon in the playpen.
Chris-Crossed
[edit]- Piper: Paige, where have you been? You're late.
- Paige: I know, I'm sorry. I got tied up.
- Phoebe: Where? At Richard's?
- Paige: No, I was at work. Get your mind out of the gutter, missy.
- Phoebe: Hey, you're the one that orbs home to find lingerie.
- Paige: Two times! I did that twice.
- Piper: Yeah, it's about the only time we ever see you anymore.
- Paige: Why did I come here? To get picked on?
- Phoebe: Because we love you.
- Piper: We kinda miss you.
- Paige: I am not at Richard's that much. Fine! Maybe I am. But, you know, I am just an orb away if you need help.
- Piper: Yeah, the thing is, we just gotta be careful. Because if we stray too far away from each other, demons take advantage. We've learned that lesson the hard way a few times.
- Paige: I know, I know, I get it. I just really don't wanna think of us living together in fifty years.
- Piper: Naaah, twenty, thirty years, tops.
- Phoebe: We can always move to Hong Kong so I can see Jason whenever I want.
- Piper: How do you say "dream on" in Chinese?
- (Phoebe says something in Chinese)
- Piper: Impressive.
- Phoebe: Berlitz. Okay, what about you, missy? Spill it!
- Piper: Spill what?
- Phoebe: Come on, you and Greg? Put out any fires lately?
- Piper: Is that supposed to be a subtle fireman reference?
- Phoebe: Yeah, you like it?
- Paige: Wait a minute. You're going out with a fire-fighter?
- Piper: Proof positive. You haven't been around much.
- Phoebe: Let's see, they've been seeing each other for about three weeks, and someone, I won't say who, although it's not the fireman, is avoiding taking it to the next step.
- Piper: I'm not avoiding. I'm just a little reluctant, that's all.
- Paige: My dear, it is time to get back in the saddle.
- Piper: Now a cowboy reference.
- Phoebe: Piper, you just need to relax and let it happen.
- Piper: Yeah, easy for you to say. You weren't sleeping with an angel for three years.
- Phoebe: Yeah, but you were nervous when you and Leo first started, you know? I seem to remember that you used to freeze him during all the good parts. Hey, maybe you should...
- Piper: No. I'm not freezing Greg. I'm so nervous, I'd probably blow him up.
- Phoebe: Well?
- Piper: Gutter, gutter, gutter.
- (Phoebe laughs)
- Chris: What are you guys talking about?
- Phoebe: Stuff.
- Paige: Hey, where you going?
- Chris: I gotta go work on the next demon... stration.
- Phoebe: Chris, why don't you relax and have a drink with us?
- Chris: Thanks, but I didn't come here to relax.
- Phoebe: (about Chris, after he leaves) That is one bitchy whitelighter.
- Piper: You're telling me.
- Paige: Hey Piper, why don't you go talk to the guilt machine over there?
- Phoebe: Hm.
- Leo: What would you say if I told you whoever attacked Chris was called a Phoenix?
- Paige: Well, I would say, "What's a Phoenix?" and then you'd probably tell me.
- Chris:
- I call upon the ancient power,
- To help us in this darkest hour.
- Let the book return to this place,
- Claim refuge in it's rightful space.
- Chris:
- Hear these words, hear the rhyme,
- Hear the hope within my mind.
- Send me back to where I'll find,
- What I wish, in place and time.
- Bianca's mother: Wait, do you have to leave so soon? Can't I help?
- Bianca: Yeah. Someday when I ask you what it feels like to kill, don't lie to me. Don't tell me you don't feel a thing.
- Wyatt: Welcome home, Chris.
- Chris: Hello Wyatt.
- Wyatt: They're no threat to me. Et Tu, Chris? Of all the people to betray me.
- Chris: I didn't go back to betray you, Wyatt. I went back to save you.
- Wyatt: Save me? From what?
- Chris: From whatever evil it was that turned you.
- Wyatt: That's always been your problem, Chris. Stuck in the old good versus evil morals. I'm so past that. It's all about power, it's as simple as that.
- Chris: And whoever has the most power wins, is that it?
- Wyatt: That's it. That's why I keep this museum intact. To remind everyone the power from which I was born and that which I possess.
- Chris: Too bad the rest of the city isn't fairing as well as your shrine here.
- Wyatt: You know, if anyone else tried what you tried, I'd kill them on the spot. But you... I've forgiven Bianca, I can forgive you too. If you promise never to cross me again.
- Chris: I think you know me better than that.
- Wyatt: I thought you said you could talk some sense into him.
- Chris: Leave her out of this!
- Chris: (To baby Wyatt) If I can't save you, I swear to God I'll stop you.
- Bianca: Haven't we been here before?
- Chris: Maybe we will be again
- Bianca: Maybe
- Bianca: You'll just have to hope the power of two will work, won't you Paige?
Witchstock
[edit]- Grams: You and Paige moved out? When?
- Phoebe: A few weeks ago. But we're handling everything.
- Grams: Dear, you have Paige stuck in the past and a demonic blob roaming the manor. Exactly how are you handling things?
- Grams: Men are like utensils; you use them, wash them, and throw them in a drawer until you need them.
- Young Penny:
- They have no right,
- They have no power,
- Turn their hate sticks into flowers.
- Robin: And so I call upon the Crone--let evil roam inside this home.
- (Allen walks in)
- Allen: I thought you were acting strange.
- Robin: Allen? Are you spying on me?
- Allen: How could you, Robin? What about our dream?
- Robin: (her voice turns sinister) My only dream (she raises a fireball) is helping my warlock friend put all of you weak creatures out of you misery tonight.
- (Robin is about to throw when Paige walks in)
- Paige: Robin! (Robin throws the fireball, but Paige dives out of the way)
- Allen: Violence isn't the answer, Robin. Let love replace your fear. I know you felt our love.
- Robin: Yeah, and I still got the stink of it all over me. (she raises another fireball)
- Paige Over here! (She knocks over a can of marbles. Robin is knocked off her feet. The fireball goes straight up in the air and lands on Robin, vanquishing her.)
- Piper:
- Come to me and be seduced,
- I have a girl to introduce.
- Fall for her, you can't resist her,
- Trust me, mister, she's my sister.
- Phoebe: Yeah well, why Me?
- Piper: Cause he's not my type.
- Young Penny:
- May peace and love,
- From the moon above,
- Flow through your heart,
- On the wings of a dove.
- Young Penny: What do I usually do at this point?
- Phoebe: You usually do something very final, if you catch my drift.
- Young Penny:
- Snuff this warlock,
- His days are done.
- But make him good for the ecosystem.
- Piper: You know, if I hadn't taken over Paige's room, this never would've happened. This is all my fault.
- Leo and Chris: What's done is done.
- Phoebe: Okay, you two really need to get a room.
- Piper: Yeah.
(After vanquishing the green slime demon thing)
- Piper: Where's Wyatt?
- Chris: He's in the living room.
- Phoebe: What about Grams?
- Leo: She... didn't make it. (The basement door opens. Grams walks out, coughing.)
- Grams: Nonsense. You can't damage an old war horse like me. I'm already dead.
Prince Charmed
[edit]- (As a birthday present Phoebe and Paige are creating the perfect man for Piper.)
- Paige: Sensitive, but not a wuss-bag.
- Phoebe: And someone that is a good listener.
- Paige: Okay, good cook.
- Phoebe: Handy around the house.
- Paige: Good with kids.
- Phoebe: Gets the whole normal-life thing.
- Paige: Has a really big--
- Phoebe: Paige.
- Paige: Uh. Is this the perfect guy or what?
- Phoebe: All right, throw it in.
- Phoebe & Paige:
- A perfect man, we summon now.
- Another way, we don't know how.
- To make our sister see the light,
- Somewhere out there is Mr. Right.
- Phoebe: Why not take advantage of him while you can? I mean, figuratively speaking, of course.
- Paige: Oh, hell, literally, it is your birthday.
- Paige:
- On Piper's day, set this table.
- With all the favours you are able.
Used Karma
[edit]- Richard:
- I call to thee, pure witch's fire.
- Through Vortex flow, The heavenly mire.
- Cleanse brackish karma of debris.
- From dark to light, sweep history.
- Paige: Okay, she's French. Bad karma. Napoleon?
- Piper: Probably not.
- Paige: Okay, what about Marie Antoinette, Queen Isabella, the she-wolf of France?
- Paige: Okay, let's see. Speaks French, hates the country, more than willing to strip in public. Oh my God, I saw something in here. :(Reading from a book) Famous females spies: Mata Hari.
- Piper: Wasn't she one of the bond girls?
- Phoebe: Are you in charge here?
- Swarm King: I am.
- Phoebe: Good. Because I'd like to get into bed with you. Not literally. Although... there may be time for that later.
- Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:
- Demon swarm that serves as one,
- Vanquish him from which they come.
The Legend of Sleepy Halliwell
[edit]- Phoebe: The whole biological clock thing, it's very real and it's echoing: tick, tick, tick, tick...
- Piper: Okay, neurotic people, can we get back to my neurosis right now, please?
- Phoebe: Sure, which one were we talking about?
- Piper: The one where I'm a rotten mother who's raising an antisocial child.
- Phoebe: Okay, you know what? I think we should help the magic school, because we can't just keep that head on our foyer table, you know? What is it, a centre-piece?.
- Paige: (after meeting Gideon.) Who does he think he is? Obi-Wan Kenobi?
- Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:
- Power of three, unite!
- End this grizzly fright,
- Reverse the roles,
- And make us whole.
- Phoebe: I need you to be honest with me. No games, no running away. Just the truth.
- Chris: Okay.
- Phoebe: Are you Wyatt's little brother?
- Chris: (sighs) ... Only if I can get Piper and Leo back together in time.
- Phoebe: There was a wolf following us
- Sigmund's Head: Not everybody sees what you see, Phoebe. Only those who are meant to see, see
- Phoebe: What have you got in there, Confucius?
- Piper: (to Shapeshifter Boy) Hey, watch it! I still have a mouth. I'll turn you into a toad
- Piper: (After Shapeshifter Boy is turned back) Next time, I'll give you warts!
I Dream of Phoebe
[edit]- Phoebe: I've been calling for you all week, didn't you hear me?
- Chris: For the first couple of days, yeah. Then I put you on mute.
- Phoebe: You can put me on mute?
- Chris: Oracles, furtune tellers, soothsayers, they all say the same thing. If Mom and Dad don't screw this month, I'm screwed.
- Phoebe: Okay, I'm just trying to get used to you being my nephew... I never hit on you, did I?
- Chris: What? No.
- Phoebe: Oh, thank God.
- Chris: Can we focus here, please? Mom and Dad need to have sex. Now, who's gonna tell them, you or me?
- Genie: When I form my empire, the first thing I'm gonna do is rid the world of witches.
- Paige: Oh, yeah? Well, when you're back in your bottle, the first thing I'm gonna do is put you in the microwave. Ha ha. How do you like that?
- Chris: Alright, I made a little wish.
- Paige: You did what?
- Chris: Two little wishes.
- Paige: Oh, great. It's not bad enough I have to worry about Richard, now I have to worry about you too. What did you wish for?
- Chris: For Leo to forgive me, which by the way was an accident.
- Paige: And?
- Chris: For Piper and Leo to sleep together.
- Paige: Eww! Oh my God, you are sick! What is wrong with you? You're disgusting!
- Chris: No...
- Paige: You are some creepy registered sex offender from the future.
- Chris: No, no, no...
- Paige: Oh my god, you are so gross.
- Chris: I'm Piper and Leo's son.
- Paige: What?
- Chris: They're my parents. I came back to save my family.
- Paige: You're serious.
- Chris: Yeah. Only now I've gotta save myself. Because if my mom doesn't get pregnant in the next month, there is no me.
- Paige: This is all so wrong! And this has been such a long day...
The Courtship of Wyatt's Father
[edit]- Paige: She knows we're up to something. I can't believe how hard it is to get two people laid.
- Phoebe: Paige, that is disgusting.
- Paige: Well, it's what we're trying to do, right?
- Phoebe: No, we are trying to romance Piper and Leo together so they can conceive Chris, our nephew.
- Paige: And that's different how?
- Phoebe: Well, because what you said is very Springer, what I said is very Oprah.
- Paige: Well, what ever show we’re watching, we are running out of time.
- Piper: What's going on?
- Phoebe: Maybe, maybe you should sit down, for a second.
- Piper: Oh! That doesn't sound good.
- Phoebe: No, no. No, It's good, it's good. I mean, you know it's not bad. It's a really, it's a really good thing. It's not a bad thing. I think it's a really good thing, Don't you think??
- Paige: Yeah! I mean, it depends, you know.
- Piper: Unhu! that sounds worse.
- Paige: No, it's just complicated.
- Paige: Chris.. is your son.
- (Piper stare at them, incredulous)
- Phoebe: Wyatt's brother. Look I know this is huge...
- Piper: No, It's not huge, because it's not possible. It's crazy!'Cause I'm not pregnant!
- Phoebe and Paige: Oh, yeah!
- Phoebe: No, I'm not. I mean, how could that happen!? I mean, I know how that could happen! But, it...... Oh! What am I going to do?
- Phoebe: Maybe you should talk to Leo about it?
- Piper: No! I can't!
- Phoebe: Why?
- Piper: Well, because, because, because I can't!
- Chris: Is this a bad time?
- (Piper stare at Chris like she's seeing him for the first time)
- Leo: I never stopped loving you.
Hyde School Reunion
[edit]- Paula: Todd! There you are, sweetie. (notices Phoebe) Oh, and there you are. I was wondering if you'd have the nerve to show up.
- Phoebe: What do you mean "nerve"?
- Paula: Oh. You're the talk of the reunion. You know, you can fool San Francisco with your pithy advice, but you can't fool us. We all know you, sweetie.
- Todd: That's enough, Paula.
- Phoebe: So what is that supposed to mean?
- Paula: It means you're a fake. The only thing you were ever known for was lying and ditching and stealing boyfriends.
- Paige: Phoebe, are you gonna let someone with a giant helmet that passes for hair talk to you like that?
- Ramona: God, Paula. Just because Todd had a thing for Phoebe, you don't have to be so mean.
- Paula (to Ramona): I'm not being mean. I'm doing her a favor. (to Phoebe) To the rest of the world, you might be "Ask Phoebe", but to us, you'll always be "Freebie".
- (Phoebe looks hurt. She turns and walks away)
- Paige (to Phoebe): You okay?
- (Paula smirks with pride. Paige glares at Paula, then walks away to follow Phoebe)
- Paula (to Todd): Hey. Let's dance. Hmm?
- (cut to the hallway. Phoebe is walking and Paige follows her quickly)
- Paige: Hey. Why didn't you just tell that chick to go screw herself?
- (Phoebe turns into Teen Phoebe, then quickly turns back into her adult self)
- Paige: Phoebe?
- Phoebe: Okay, what just happened?
- Paige: You tell me.
- Phoebe: I have no idea. I was just standing here, and then I had some weird high school flashback.
- Paige: Yeah. Your whole body just flashed back.
- Phoebe: What? Are you kidding me? I-I just felt...
- Paige: Pissed?
- Phoebe: Very.
- Paige: Well, as someone who's seen Carrie, both versions, I'd say the reunion is over.
- Victor: Oh my god, you're pregnant!
- Piper: Yeah, it looks that way, huh?
- Victor: When did this happen?
- Piper: Oh, well, you know, I've been meaning to call you but, you know... Leo's the father.
- Victor: Leo? I thought you guys split up.
- Piper: We did.
- Victor: Well, then how... I don't understand.
- Piper: Well, He was dying and I was crying... It's all very complicated
- Paige: And she's under the influence.
- Chris: Of alcohol?
- Paige: No. Adolecence.
- Teen Phoebe: Well I'd rather be rich then a bitch!
- (Paula turns into a dog as everyone gasps, dog Paula runs away through the group of people)
- Ramona (shocked): What the hell was that?!
- Teen Phoebe: I don't know but it was so cool!
- Teen Phoebe: The past is the future, the future is the past. Let's welcome back the senior class!
- Chris: Hey, look, I need your help. I think I've got scabs in my tail. (Piper and Paige stare surprised)
- Piper: Oh! Well, I have some hydrogen peroxide in my bathroom.
- Chris: No! scabbers demons.
- Rick: Now, my face. Make it different. Heartbreaking, charming, young.
- Phoebe: You know, I'm thinking maybe you should use our nephew for inspiration.
- Paige: Who you were, you're now another, Take the face of Wyatt's brother.
- Piper: It's a boy. Chris, actually.
- Victor: Chris? Why'd you choose that name?
- Piper: I don't know, and he won't tell me. He's very secretive about the future. He's actually the reason I asked you to come. See, um, he hates me and he doesn't want to talk to me and I need you to find out why.
- Victor: I don't understand your wiccan ways, but I'll try. (He leans towards Piper's stomach) Hello, Chris. Chris. Hello, Chris. Can you hear me?
- Chris: Is someone calling me?
- Piper: Yeah, sweetie, could you come here for a sec?
- Victor: Geez, he can come out? (Chris walks in)
- Chris: Can we air this out, 'cause I gotta... Grandpa! (Chris goes over to Victor and hugs him while Victor is stunned)
- Piper: Chris, is that what you've been living with knowing that something happens to me? I see, well does it happen soon?
- Chris: I can't tell you that, it could change the future in even worse ways.
- Piper: Right, but isn't that why you came here in the first place, to make the future better? How do you know that you haven't already changed mine?
- Victor: She's got a point.
- Piper: Well, whatever it is it obviously doen't happen until after you're born so save it. Got it?
- Chris: I got it, mom. (Piper smiles)
Spin City
[edit]- Paige: So are you happy?
- Piper: 'Bout what?
- Paige: About what the doctor said: it's gonna be a healthy baby.
- Piper: Of course it's a healthy baby, I've seen him 22 and walking around.
- Paige: Well you never know, something could've gone wrong!
- Piper: Oh, stop being such a worry wart, you're starting to sound like...(Chris orbs in.) Chris! What are you doing here?
- Paige: This better not be about demons, 'cause I am on my lunch break!
- Chris: No, no. I just wanted to check how it went with the doctor.
- Piper: Well. You'll be happy to know that you're a boy!
- Chris: Funny. That's not what I meant.
- Paige: (looking at ultrasound.) I don't see it...
- Piper: Oh, see it's this little thing over here...
- Chris: (snatches ultrasound away.) Hey! Excuse me, do you mind? (pauses, looks at ultrasound and squints.)
- Chris: Wait, you had a force field with Wyatt but not with me?
- Piper: Well I didn't have one, he had one. It was all his doing.
- Chris: From the womb? He had powers from the womb? That's unbelieveable, it's not like I don't have an inferiority complex with him already. Thank you!
- Piper: (to Paige) Did you find that demon yet?
- Paige: Yes, actually I did. It's the Spider Demon. An evil creature that emerges from its hidden lair every hundred years to capture and feed off the most powerful magical being it can dtect, in this case, that would be you. (looks at Piper)
- Chris: And me.
- (Piper and Paige look at Chris. Chris looks up.)
- Chris: Sorta.
- Piper: You must be so proud.
- Phoebe: What? What's so funny?
- Piper: This whole family needs a shrink
- Piper: Okay, what do you say we make this eight legged freak wish it'd never been hatched?
- Chris: Woah, hold it, you are not going anywhere mom, this is way too risky.
- Paige: He's actually right without the Wyatt force field thing...
- Chris: Okay, do you have to keep rubbing that in?
- Paige: Aren't there any therapists in the future?
- Chris: We need Phoebe.
- Piper: No, I don't wanna interrupt her date with Mark.
- Paige: Actually, it's Mike this week.
- Chris: No, it's Mitch, but who cares. We need her.
- Paige: Are you hormonal or just plain crazy?!
- Piper: One woman can only take so much.
- Paige: What do you think these people are gonna do when they step out of their offices?
- Piper: Well, they won't be touching my stomach anymore, that's what I think...
- (Piper unfreezes the room.)
- Paige: (to lady who was touching Piper's stomach.) It's okay, it's okay. We all get a little vertigo sometimes. (To Piper, entering in the elevator) No wonder that Chris grows up to be such a neurotic little freak!
- Leo: Phoebe, Paige, how are you?
- Paige: Not so good, we have a problem.
- Leo: Perhaps we should meditate...
- Chris: (while he's punching Leo.) You don't know me! You don't know me!
- Paige: Bugspray, we shoulda used bugspray.
- Chris: Why fight when I've already won.
- (The troll knocks at the entrance of the cave. Inside, the Spider Demon growls as she is interrupted from feeding on Piper's cocoon.)
- Spider Demon: Damn it. Can't a demon eat in peace?
- (She leaves the cave, walking through the webbed doorway.)
- Spider Demon: You're pissing me off, ya know?
- Paige: Yeah, that's the idea.
- Paige: Step on her!
- (The troll stands on the Spider Demon)
- Phoebe: Eww! That is so gross!
- Troll: Sorry!
- Leo: Can we talk?
- Chris: There is nothing to talk about.
- Leo: I think there is. Quite a bit, actually.
- Chris: It doesn't matter.
- Leo: It does to me, Chris. You're my son. I think I deserve to know what I did that's so bad.
- Chris: You were never there for me. You were there for everybody else, Mom, Wyatt, half the world, but you were never there for me. You didn't have the time.
- Leo: So, maybe you came back from the future not just to save Wyatt. Maybe you came back to save us, too.
- Chris: I doubt it.
Crimes and Witch-Demeanors
[edit]- Phoebe: How is Piper? Have you seen her?
- Chris: She's good...Uh, big. You know, I keep thinking how weird it's gonna be to actually see myself being born...
- Chris: I think I have a new theory on who might be trying to turn Wyatt evil.
- Paige: Oh, a new theory. What's that? Like the third one this week?
- Chris: What're you keeping score now?
- Phoebe: She's just grumpy 'cause she hasn't had her coffee yet.
- Paige: I am not grumpy. (Phoebe gives her a look.) Ok, fine, maybe a little bit. But you have to admit you've had a lot of different theories lately, and none of them have panned out.
- Chris: That's why they call them "theories".
- Paige: Do we even get along in the future?
- Tribunal Demon (talking about the Cleaners.) I care.
- Phoebe: Yeah, you're a demon.
- Tribunal Elder: I care too.
- Phoebe: Oh...well never mind then.
- Elder: What do you have to say for yourself Barbas?
- Barbas: I'm a demon. What do you expect?
A Wrong Day's Journey into Right
[edit]- Paige:
- A perfect man, I summon now.
- Another way I don't know how.
- Bring him now into the light.
- Come back to me Mr. Right.
- Phoebe: Well, let's just hope that we find him before he finds us!
- (The door bell rings.)
- Phoebe: Hm... Maybe that's another one of your suiters that you've conjured for your own personal gain and pleasure.
- Paige: Oh, I hope so! (to Mr. Right.) No offense.
- Phoebe: "Use my blood", you said. "It's his blood too", you said.
- Phoebe: Paige, I don't even want to talk about this. I mean, how could you do such a thing?
- Paige: Oh, what, like you've never conjured stuff before.
- Phoebe: Yeah, well, never for myself and never a sex toy.
- Mr. Right: I am not a sex toy.
- Phoebe: Quiet, you.
- Paige: Well, we did it for Piper before.
- Phoebe: Yes, but that was different. We were trying to convince her to not give up on love. We were desperate.
- Paige: Well, maybe I am too.
- Chris: Excuse me, shouldn't we be focusing on the bigger issue here?
- (Chris points to Mr. Right.)
- Phoebe: How long has this been going on?
- Paige: About three weeks.
- Phoebe: Three weeks!
- Paige: Give or take. You're the one who kept telling me I needed a break.
- Phoebe: Yes, but I meant take a day off, you know. Go to the spa, have a pedicure, get a massage.
- Mr. Right: I massage her.
- (Phoebe gags.)
- Chris: Not something, someone. Demonatrix.
- Phoebe: Look Chris, what you do in your spare time...
- Piper: (laughs) Phoebe?! Are you here to save me or kill me?
- Phoebe: I havn't decided yet, turn around.
Witch Wars
[edit]- Phoebe: Have you lost your mind?
- Paige: No. Another witch was killed last night.
- Phoebe: Oh, no.
- Paige: Oh, yes! And she had active powers, so I need you to go home where I can keep an eye on you.
- Phoebe: Paige, you're my baby sister, not my baby-sitter.
- Paige: Oh, that's clever. You're very clever. I'm glad that while I'm panicking, you have the time to be clever.
- Phoebe: Ok, it's very sweet that you're worried about me, but I am fine, and I have a lot of work to do here.
- Paige: Great. Do your work from home.
- Phoebe: I can't do it from home because Kyle Donie is not at home.
- Paige: Who is Kyle Donie? Is this about a guy?
- Phoebe: No, it's not about a guy. It's about a reporter, one who knows everything there is to know about crime and criminal investigation and since we don't have Darryl's help anymore, he's the only resource I have.
- Paige: Fine. (hands her the potions vials as she tells her what they are.) Explosive, acid, smoke bomb. Use them.
- Phoebe: Thanks, mom.
- Leo: (referring to the Games Masters) I'm gonna kill them.
- Gideon: No Leo you're an elder now non-violent. Remember?
- Leo: Watch me.
It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Pt 1
[edit]- Chris: You know your time-travel section is due for a serious overhaul. I mean, I can find more information Googling.
- Gideon: Googling?
- Chris: Never mind.
- Piper: (to Paige) Don't forget diapers! Lots of diapers!
- (In the alternate underworld, which looks like a jungle. Good and Evil Paige both answer their ringing cellphones.)
- Paige: Piper. Hello?
- Piper: Where the hell are you? I'm in labour!
- Phoebe: Is she okay?
- Paige: She's in labour.
- Piper: Is there an echo?
- Piper: Since when are you in such a hurry to say goodbye?
- Phoebe: Well, since something happened with the thing, and the thing, with the thing.
It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Pt 2
[edit]- Chris: You're laughing! That's great...your nephew almost killed and you're laughing!
- Paige: So we're starring in a little movie called Pleasantville.
- Leo: Hey, I'm here now you can hold on okay? Hold on, hold on... I'm here, you can hold on. Don't give up, okay?
- Chris: You either...
- Leo: No, no, no. Please, no, no, please no...
- (Chris fades away to nothing.)
Season 7
[edit]A Call to Arms
[edit]- Phoebe: Okay, you two! Stop it right now! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! (Paige and Phoebe pull leo and Piper apart) You go over there, you over... here. (Piper slaps Phoebe with her many hands) And keep your hands to yourself!
- Piper: But you're interrupting us.
- Phoebe: And saving life as we know it.
- Leo: What are you talking about?
- Paige: Look at your outfit. Does that look like something you normally wear?
- Leo: Well, no.
- Paige: Exactly. This is not the first time we have been hijacked by gods. So you just have to fight it.
- Leo: I don't want to fight it. I haven't felt this potent in years.
- Phoebe: Ew! Over sharing.
- Piper: How is his rash? Did he need oilment?
- Paige: I don't know, I've been kind of procrastinating on that one. It's not my favourite thing to check.
- Piper: Why? You don't have a problem checking Wyatt
- Paige: Yeah, that's because I don't flash forward to Wyatt being twenty-two like I do with Chris
- Piper: Yeah!... Right!... Ew!
The Bare Witch Project
[edit]- Piper: PLEASE, don't tell me you've been vanquishing demons with the children.
- Leo: Well, Chris was fussy. It calmed him.
- Paige: It's okay, it's just a graze.
- Phoebe: I still can't believe an Elder attacked you.
- Paige:: I know, they're supposed to be pacifists, right?
- Piper: Have you seen Leo lately? Speaking of which. Leo!
- Paige: He's a little mad at me and I can't say I blame him. I did kind of mess things up.
- Phoebe: Well, that doesn't explain why he tried to kill you.
- Lady Godiva: Pardon me?
- Paige: I think the demon did something to the Elder, got him to free up his repressed anger somehow.
- Phoebe: Oh, probably wasn't breastfed as a child.
- Piper: Phoebe!
- Phoebe What?
- Paige: Well, either way, we wouldn't even be in this situation, this demon wouldn't even be here if I hadn't have had the great stroke of genius to try to save school.
- Phoebe: So why do you think he tried to kill her?
- Lady Godiva: If I could just--
- Paige: Maybe he knew what I didn't know. Which is that since they came together, they have to leave together.
- Phoebe: Yeah, but why wouldn't he want to go back?
- Lady Godiva: If you would just listen to me...!
- (She removes the robe she was wearing. Piper, Phoebe and Paige look away.)
- Phoebe: Oh!
- Piper: Wow!
- Phoebe: That's just... a lot!
- Lady Godiva: It is apparently still the only way I can get anybody to listen to me.
- Piper: Woman, keep your clothes on, this is a family show. Really.
- Lord Dyson: Let's see what you've been hiding from me. Oh, there's so much, so ready to come out. Let it out, let it all out!
- Leo: You demons have it so easy. No morality to worry about. No attachments, no one to lose.
- Piper: Yeah, you tell him, Leo!
- Leo: When you kill, you feel NOTHING!
- (Overdosed on Leo's suppressed rage, Lord Dyson screams and explodes)
Cheaper by the Coven
[edit]- Grams: Not a good time, girls. I'm busy.
- Paige: You're dead.
- Grams: Well, it doesn't mean I can't have a life.
Charrrmed!
[edit]- Paige: Do I look like a ma'am to you?
- Piper: Paige, you're obsessing.
- Paige: You're damn right I'm obsessing! I am far too young to be old!
- Piper: I think I found something.
- Paige: Huh?
- Piper: I said I think I found something. What, are you deaf now too?
- Paige: Well, you're gonna go deaf first. Don't forget, you're the older sister.
- Piper: Yeah, I love you too.
- Phoebe: Yo-ho, hello.
- Piper: Did you just call me a hoe?
- Paige: (sticks sword through First Mate.)
- First Mate: (turns to Captain and hands him knife, then turns to other pirate) Do you mind?
- Other Pirate:(pulls out sword)
- Paige: Aren't you supposed to be dead?
- Captain: He wishes.
- Piper: How'd you get here?
- Phoebe: A pirate never betrays his secrecy (Piper looks confused) Leo orbed me.
- Piper: (reading letter) Captain Black Jack Cutting formally invites you to Treasure Island.
- Phoebe: I can't answer it now, what am I gonna say? We're robbing a museum?
Styx Feet Under
[edit]- Paige: Stop yelling at Death!
- Piper: I'm not doing this anymore. I give up. I quit.
- Angel of Death: You can't quit, Piper. Not until you catch up.
- Piper: You can't make me take my sister's soul. I won't do it.
- Angel of Death: We don't get to decide who lives or dies. Any circumstances can change someone's fate
- Piper: Well, then, I won't collect anymore souls. I'll go on strike.
- Angel of Death: So, to save your sister, you would threaten to stop all death?
- Piper: You got it.
- Angel of Death: That's rather selfish of you, don't you think? Unless, of course, you think that death is pointless.
- Piper: Well, I...
- Angel of Death: It's not, you know. Far from it. Life only has meaning specifically because there is an end. Death is what forces people to live.
- Piper: Yes, but...
- Angel of Death: Which means ending death effectively ends life, throws off the entire cosmic design, the whole point, and for what? A single fleeting life. This is bigger than your sister, Piper. Much bigger.
- Paige: This isn't good, right?
- Piper: I'm so sorry, Paige. It's much easier if you just let go.
- Paige: Piper. I have something to tell you.
- Piper: Paige...
- Paige: You know that brown suede coat? You thought you lost it but, um, it's in my closet. And those earrings you liked. I borrowed them and I never gave them back.
- Piper: You're stalling.
- Paige: I know. But you can't blame a girl for trying.
- Seer: Hello?! I'm a seer. I knew that was coming
Once in a Blue Moon
[edit]- Phoebe: Oh. Any idea what this meeting's all about?
- Paige: Oh, probably something to do with the kids.
- Phoebe: Why? Did something happen?
- Paige: Oh, I'm sure they've gotten kidnapped by the latest demon or something.
- Phoebe: Paige, that is so not funny.
- Paige: You got so emotional when you're PMS-ed.
- Phoebe: And you got mean.
- Paige: I do not got mean. I'm above it all. Nothing happens to me.
- Piper: All righty than.
- Phoebe: Oh, right, nothing happens to you. You're above it all.
- Paige: Fine, I get a little jumpy.
- Piper: And I get a little pissy, so watch it.
- Phoebe and Paige: We know.
- Paige: The good news is we all get over it at the same time.
- Piper: As long as we don't kill each other in the process, which brings me to what we need to talk about.
- Paige: Ah, that sounds serious. That calls for ice cream with three spoons.
- Phoebe: Ah-ah-ah! Persional gain.
- Paige: I know, but screw it, it's too good.
- Piper: Anyway, I've been wanting to tell you guys something for a while. Um, I just didn't know how to say it.
- Phoebe: Oh my God. Are you pregnet again?
- Piper: No, this is not a good thing. Do you guys remember Zola, the Elder who disappeared?
- Paige: Yeah.
- Piper: Well, he didn't disappear. He was killed. Leo killed him.
- Phoebe: Leo killed him?
- Paige: Heh!
- Piper: It was an accident. He didn't mean to. I mean, he was tricked.
- Paige: You might want to tell that to Zola.
- (Piper was upset and blows up chandelier.)
- Phoebe and Paige: Oh!
- Leo: Sorry to interrupt, but I have to tell you something that you're probably not gonna like.
- Paige: Did you kill anybody else? I'm sorry.
- Paige: Definitely a bachelor.
- Phoebe: Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!
- Piper: What? Where are the boys?
- Phoebe: The boys are fine. We're not.
- Paige: Keep it down. Hey!
- Piper: Hey, yourself. Look!
- Paige: Oh my God! What happened to him?
- Phoebe: I think we're what happened to him.
- Paige: What are you talking about?
- Phoebe: We're in the cage, that's what I'm talking about. I think we trapped our selves.
- Piper: No, we didn't. Did we?
- Phoebe: I think that dream I had was real.
- Paige: So you're saying, that we, did this to him?
- Phoebe: Do you have a better explanation?
- Paige: That is crazy. (stands up, hits force-field, plops back down)
- Phoebe: As you were saying?
- Paige: Okay. What does this mean? We're demons?
- Piper: No, we didn't turn into demons, Paige.
- Phoebe: We turned into monsters.
- Paige: I know we all get a little testy this time of month, but that's ridiculous.
- Piper: It can't be that, it's gotta be something else
- Phoebe: Like what? The blue moon?
- Piper: We gotta get out of here. This is crazy. Paige, try to orb one of these crystals away.
- Paige: Crystal. Blue moon?
- Piper: They're out of their minds.
- Leo: Still, he's gonna be sent here tomorrow.
- Piper: Well, I hope I don't blow him up.
- Leo: Piper, you can't blow up a whitelighter.
- Phoebe: Why not? She blows you up all the time.
- Paige: Do you think we should put some snacks in the cage?
- Phoebe: Like what, a wildebeast?
- Piper: Please don't say beast.
- Paige: No, I'm just saying we don't know how long we're gonna be in here. What if I get hungry?
- Piper: Well, then we'll have Leo throw us Whitelighter. Don't worry about it.
- Paige: Oh, what happened?
- Odin: You attacked us.
- Phoebe: Oh, really? Then how come I'm the one with the headache?
- Odin: We were forced to defend ourselves.
Someone to Witch Over Me
[edit]- Phoebe: What are we doing here?
- Paige: Well, he said for us to meet him here. He needed to talk to us about something important.
- Phoebe: Yeah, but Paige it's a fire.
- Paige: So?
- Phoebe: So we don't do fires. Firemen do fires. We do fireballs
- Leo: So, I don't understand. If I'm in the past...what are you doing here?
- Chris: I'm guiding you.
- Leo: So you're real?
- Chris: No, but I represent something that is. I died in you arms, Dad. Killed by everything that you thought was good. I'm your root pain, okay? And I'm gonna be sticking with you until you're ready to let me go.
- Leo: How will I know when that is?
- Chris: C'mon. Lets check out some parts of your life that you really need to remember
- Leo: Do I have a choice?
- Chris: Hey it's your vision quest. It's up to you. C'mon.
Charmed Noir
[edit]- Piper: Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the G silent?
- Paige: They're dicks.
- Kyle: (giggles) Dicks?
- Paige: No, like private eyes, detectives.
- Piper: Matchmake later, save sister now.
- Leo: (to Phoebe) Try and block her path.
- (Inside the book: Paige and Kyle are walking down the alley. A piano falls in front of them.)
- Kyle: You were saying?
- Paige: Thanks, guys, could you be any less subtle?
- Kyle: Looks like your sisters agree with me.
- Paige: Don't gloat.
- Miss Donovan: Lord of the Rings?
- Gnome: Historically inaccurate.
- Miss Donovan: Harry Potter?
- Gnome: Filled with juvenile delinquents.
- Miss Donovan: Even The Wizard of Oz?
- Gnome: Disparaging to little people. Munchkins being persecuted. Filth!
- Paige: Oh, come on, seriously?
- Miss Donovan: It is the same story with all the books. None of them deserve to be banned.
- Gnome: I suppose you want another naked Godiva riding out of the book again.
- Paige: Is that what this is all about? Godiva?
- Miss Donovan: It's just an excuse and he knows it. He's using it to push his own agenda which is to stifle freedom of speech.
- (The gnome shakes his hand and Miss Donovan's mouth seals up.)
- Gnome: Now that's what I call stifling.
- Paige: That is uncalled for. You give her her mouth back now.
- (He waves his hand and unseals her mouth.)
- Miss Donovan: Why you little worm. I should...
- Gnome: Little. Did you hear that? She's a size-ist.
- (Paige and Kyle are changing into 1930's clothing. Paige is behind a changing screen.)
- Kyle: You turned me into a felon, you know that, right? Breaking and entering, vandalism, theft.
- Paige: It's a fiction story in a fiction world. I highly doubt we're breaking any laws.
- Kyle: It may be a fiction world but those bullets seemed pretty damn real to me.
- Paige: Yeah, well, that's precisely why we need to blend in before those goons come to get us again.
- (She reaches out and grabs a dress. She looks at Kyle.)
- Paige: Are you peeking?
- Kyle: No. Are you?
- (Paige pulls a face.)
There's Something About Leo
[edit]Witchness Protection
[edit]- Phoebe: Wait. Are you saying that you've been living in our house as an Avatar, and you haven't told us?
- Leo: Look, I'm the same old Leo.
- Piper: Only not. Is this how you went from psycho crazy guy to happy-happy guy? Because you became an Avatar?
Ordinary Witches
[edit]- Paige: What? What's going on?
- Piper: Oh, you know, nothing. Your boyfriend tried to kill my husband.
Extreme Makeover: World Edition
[edit]- Kyle: Hey. I let myself in, if that's okay.
- Paige: Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Sure. Of course. Hey. How are you?
- Kyle: So, what's going on here?
- Paige: Just scrambling. We've been quite a rule knocking off this demons thanks to the Avatars.
- Kyle: The Avatars?
- Paige: Yeah. They've been great helping us to find these demons.
- Kyle: Are you an Elder?
- Zankou: Hardly.
- Zankou: You said something about the vanquishing potion?
- Kyle: How'd you know about that?
- Paige: I guess so.
- Leo: What about Zankou?
- Piper: I think I know how to find him.
- Phoebe: Will you give me a lift? I wanna make sure I get my last column in.
- Paige: Last column?
- Phoebe: Well yeah. How much advice can a world with no conflict need? I may be out of the job.
- Paige: You okay with that?
- Phoebe: I've got better things to look forward to.
- Elise: Are you leaving us?
- Phoebe: I'm sorry?
- Elise: The grass is greener. Kind of a goodbye column, isn't it?
- Phoebe: No. Not necessarily.
- Elise: Phoebe, I've been doing this a long time, I know how to read between the lines. Come on, talk to me.
- Phoebe: Okay, um... It's just that... Things change. You know what I mean? Life changes.
- Elise: Don't you like a job anymore?
- Phoebe: Of course I do, Elise. I love my job, you know that.
- Elise: But?
- Phoebe: But... Like I said, things change. For the better thou. You'll see.
- Elise: No, I don't understand.
- Phoebe: Um, okay. Have you ever gone through a period in your life, where all you can think about, all you wanna do, is just get away from it?
- Elise: When I was married to my ex. James L. Connors. What a smug.
- Phoebe: Okay, and you were able to move on from him, right? Rebuild your life? Even through at the time you probably felt you couldn't?
- Elise: Yeah.
- Phoebe: Well, it's the same thing. That's what I'm talking about. One door closes and another one opens. Sometimes you just have to take that faith.
- Elise: Phoebe, I don't...
- Phoebe: I promise you Elise. This is gonna be great, for everyone. Otherwise, I won't be doing it.
- Elise: Do what?
- Phoebe: I gotta go.
- Elise: No. Wait. But you...
- Phoebe: Thank you, Elise. Thank you for everything you've done for me. Goodbye, all of my dear beautiful friends! I will see you tomorrow when a bright new sunshining day begins. Michelle, you are the best. Donald! Donald, I gotta tell you... you... you are the man! Greg, I... you know, we never liked each other, didn't we? Oh... that will all change! Until tomorrow, everyone!
- Piper: I was thinking, if we adjust the tracking spell we used to find the Source, it might work on Zankou, considering they were working so closely. Paige? Are you listening?
- Paige: Yeah, that sounds great.
- Piper: Well, it would, if you were listening to me.
- Paige: I'm sorry, it's just a... big change.
- Piper: I know. And you know what? It's okay to be scared.
Charmageddon
[edit]- Leo: Good. I mean that's normal. You don't want to go around just having it all be glossed over, you know.
- Paige: No. But still... I am happy for him. I mean, he is in a better place. And the thing is, he would really want me to enjoy this new world.
- Leo: Well, he died trying to stop it.
- Paige: Well, that's why I owe it to him to be happy.
- Phoebe: What's the matter Zankou... chicken?
- Kyle: Hello Paige.
- Paige: Kyle?
- Kyle: Careful. That used to mean a lot to me.
- Paige: Is this really you?
- Kyle: In the flesh. More or less.
- Paige: I saw you die.
- Kyle: That's right, you did. But as you know, sometimes it doesn't end there.
- Paige: Are you a whitelighter?
- Kyle: Feels kind of weird.
Carpe Demon
[edit]- Drake: Look, it says I can be vanquished with the Power of Three.
- Paige: (shocked)
- Drake: What?
- Paige: You touched it. You touched the book!
- Drake: Oh my God, so I did. That must mean I'm good! (touches book with elbows, rubs hands all over pages.)
- Paige: (smacks him and gives him a look.) Would you quit it?!
Show Ghouls
[edit]- Leo: It's not the shopping. It's this whole world vacation thing. I just think we should stay here and wait for the Elders decision on me.
- Piper: Absolutely not. That's precisely why we should be going. Look, we're all together, we deserve a vacation. And we're not gonna sit around and wait for the other pattini to drop, so that's that. We're going.
- Leo: But what about the travel and the cost?
- Piper: Oh, for God sakes, Leo! We're orbing.
- Leo: Okay, well, what about Phoebe and Paige?
- Piper: What about them?
- Leo: Well, they made us this big send-off dinner last night.
- Piper: Oh, please. They ordered pizza.
- Leo: Right. And we're not helping with the clean up.
- Piper: Wow, if that's the best you got, you really do need a vacation.
- Leo: But...
- Piper: Arresto! Look, Phoebe and Paige just remade the world. I think they can handle the kitchen. Now, unless you have any more objections...Leaning Tower of Pisa, here we come!
- Drake: Listen, odds are, the Count, he's possessed my body right? And until he's evicted, I got no where to go. Only you can get out... into your body. Even though I'm into your body, I still can't get out.
- Phoebe: I'll come back for you.
- Drake: And listen, if he puts up to big of a fight, all right, you just vanquish my sorry ass! I don't care.
- Phoebe: Okay!
- Drake: But only as a last resort.
- Phoebe: Okay!
The Seven Year Witch
[edit]- Cole: (To himself) Stubbornness definitely run into this family... (to Piper) You've tried going upstairs twice, out the door three times and through the wall, five...make that six times, but hey, you haven't tried the chimney yet.
- Piper: (turning to Cole) What are you exactly? Ghost? Demon? Poltergist? Nightmare?
- Cole: None of the above.
- (Piper has just fallen into a deep coma and is shocked to see Cole. She steps over her body towards him.)
- Piper: I don't know what's worse: the fact that I'm dying, or that apparently, I get to spend my last dying moments on earth with you.
Scry Hard
[edit]- Piper: Have you gone crazy again?
Little Box of Horrors
[edit]- Phoebe: I'm feeling a little...
- Piper: Bummed? Yeah, I know. Nina, or Katya I'm assuming, said that it was the first wave of sorrow from the box.
Freaky Phoebe
[edit]- Paige: I'm not just anybody, okay? I am a Charmed One. I ran Magic School for a year, and I'm a Whitelighter. Hello, triple-threat. Where are you going to find somebody with that kind of experience?
- Mitchell: Good. You can use it to help your next charge.
- Paige: Toast?
- Leo: Yeah, it helps calm the butterflies.
- Paige: You've been a whitelighter for sixty years and toast is what you got for me?
Imaginary Fiends
[edit]- Future Good Wyatt: Hey, this is Chris? My gosh, he's so small... Hey little brother. Is this before or after he swallowed the marble?
- Piper: Marble? What marble?
- Phoebe: Easy on the future information.
- Future Good Wyatt: Of course, you're right.
- Piper: No, but really...what marble?
- Wyatt: Ok. But, until we find out why magic brought me back, we can at least try and enjoy the moment, right?
- Piper: How do you become such an optimist?
- Wyatt: From you, mom (Paige laughs)
- Paige: Ha!! You must turn over a new leaf on the future...
- Piper: Don't count on it!!
- Piper: Ok, fine! Then you wouldn't mind ID'ing the demon so we can keep you happy and healthy. (Wyatt is reluctant and wants to keep arguing)
- Piper: Don't make me ground you!!
- Wyatt: all right, all right...
- Piper: Are you telling me that our child is evil? again?!!
- (Paige, Piper, Phoebe, and Future Wyatt are being attacked by a group of Demons that seem immune to Piper's power)
- Future Wyatt: Enough! (The demons stop) Leave my family alone. (Fires a powerful energy blast that throws the demons back then disintegrates them, overturning other objects in the attic)
- Leo: Are you all right up there? (Piper stares up at Wyatt in amazement)
- Piper: Oh, yeah! We're fine...
- Future Evil Wyatt: (to little Wyatt) You see that book over there? Want you bring it to me? Understand...
- Little Wyatt (starts to walk towards the Book. Out from the shadows, Leo steps out and walks over to Little Wyatt.)
- Future Evil Wyatt: Come on, Dad. You don't even have any powers.
- Leo: That's right, I don't.
- Future Evil Wyatt: So what are you gonna do? Take away my cookies?
- Leo: I don't need to do anything. You're gonna stop yourself.
- Future Evil Wyatt: That's what I always loved about you, Dad. Such a boundless optimist.
- Leo: I know you. I'm your father and I know you still have good in your heart.
- Future Evil Wyatt: Now your optimism just sounds pathetic.
- Future Evil Wyatt: Dad, seriously. I don't wanna have to hurt you, but if you get in my way...
- Leo: I don't believe that. (Leo looks at Little Wyatt) You mind if I come over there for a second, Wyatt?
- Future Evil Wyatt: Stay away from him!
- Leo: Is this your Wuvey? Could I see him, please?
- Future Evil Wyatt: Get away from him now or I'll kill you!
- Leo: I don't think you will (stands up)
- Future Evil Wyatt: I told you to stop.
- Leo: I was there when you were born, Wyatt. I gave up my powers for you. I tried to change the world for you ... and I would do it again in a heartbeat. You know why? Because I'm your father.
- Future Evil Wyatt: Stop it.
- Leo: You wanna kill me? Go ahead. I gave up my life for you before.
- Future Evil Wyatt: (begging) Dad, please?
- Leo: Look, I love you. Do you understand what that means?
- Piper: I'm very sorry you went back to college.
- Phoebe: I know, but it's really helping me with my column. And that has absolutely nothing to do with why Wyatt is creating demons.
- Piper: He's not creating demons!
- Phoebe: Let's see, maybe it's a reaction to preschool... Some kind of Freudian transference or something?
- Piper: Mumbo-Jumbo!
- Leo: I'm his father. He is not gonna hurt me.
- Phoebe: No? Ever read Hamlet?
- Leo: Hamlet kills his stepfather.
- Phoebe: Close enough. Freud says that acording to..
- Piper: (exasperated with psychology-Phoebe) Woman, canned it!!
- Paige: Do you think Wyatt is creating these demons?
- Piper: That's ridiculous!
- Paige: Well, he created the dragons.
- Piper: One! One lousy dragon, and you're gonna hold it against him for his entire life!
Death Becomes Them
[edit]Something Wicca This Way Goes...?
[edit]- Phoebe: Those demons do have a way of keeping you warm at night.
- Piper: Yeah, but that's only because they have fireballs.
- Zankou: You can't take them head on. It doesn't work. That's how demons die. Not this demon, not this time.
- Paige: I don't think we're getting out of this one, girls.
- Zankou: You can't stop me now.
- Paige: Oh yeah?
- Piper: Watch us.
- Piper: Wasn't there a confidence spell in the Book of Shadows?
- Phoebe: Yeah. Remember, we cast it on that waiter at Quake?
- Piper: Wow. Quake. That was a long time ago.
- Darryl: Well all right, all right.
Season 8
[edit]TikTok
Still Charmed and Kicking
[edit]- The Brunette (Phoebe): I can't believe how many leprechauns are at my urn.
- Brown-Haired Woman (Piper): They always had the hots for you.
- The Brunette (Phoebe): It's a little creepy, but I guess you can't be too picky when you're dead!
- The Brunette (Phoebe): Piper, what are you doing?
- Brown-Haired Woman (Piper): What are you doing? You can't pick up on a guy at a funeral!
- The Brunette (Phoebe): Why not? It's my funeral!
- (The two dark-haired women drag Janice into the kitchen.)
- Janice (Paige): What is the meaning of this? Do you have any idea who I am?
- The Brunette (Phoebe): Yeah, as a matter of fact we do... (She reveals herself to be Phoebe in a glamour.) Paige.
- Janice (Paige): I'm sorry, who?
- Brown-Haired Woman (Piper): (She reveals herself to be Piper in a glamour.) Nice try. The jig's up, sis.
- Janice (Paige): Oh, all right then, fine. (She reveals herself to be Paige in a glamour.) Well, someone had to cry at my funeral! Didn't they?
- Billie: (about a fireball the demon Elkin is holding.) Doesn't that burn your hand?
Malice in Wonderland
[edit]- Piper: Last year you had a premonition that you would have a daughter which means that this year you have to have a little sex and get pregnant. And since Dex, which coincidentally rhymes with sex, could be the father!
- Phoebe: GOD!
Run, Piper, Run
[edit]- Piper: They think I'm somebody else.
- Phoebe: Well, you are somebody else.
- Piper: I know, but I'm not a fugitive. That's not the alias that I picked, at least not intentionally.
- Billie: Can't we vanquish him?
- Piper: We don't usually vanquish humans.
- Piper: I think the only way to save Maya is to get him to confess to the murder somehow.
- Paige: Oh, that happens before or after hell freezes over?
- Maya: Sorry I kicked you in the face.
- Billie: Well, I'm sorry we almost got you killed.
- Piper: Hurry, get the mattress.
- Paige: What if it doesn't work?
- Piper: Well, then it was a bad idea.
- Paige: Mattress!
- Paige: Don't worry, we'll have you out of that unflattering color in no time!
Desperate Housewitches
[edit]- Leo: Knowing how untrained and untethered magic could lean to disaster, the one in Atlantis, being a prime example, The Elders knew they needed to nurture young magic. The Elders knew they needed to nurture young magic... Billie? Billie are you listening to me?
- Billie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, untethered magic, Elders, yeah, yeah, yeah... that.
- Leo: Okay. Listen, if you're gonna take over the fight for the greater good I really don't think it's a bad idea if you... know the history of good magic. Listen, Paige wanted me to teach you something good and I think you kinda make me look bad.
- Billie: Oh, come on, you could be teach me tic-tac toe, she woundn't care. She's just happy you get me of her back for the day.
- Leo: Okay, so... The magical community knew it needed a place to nurture young magic so the Elders created Magic School.
- Leo (talking about Piper making Wyatt a costume for a school play, Piper wants to use magic) You wanted a normal life, remember?
- Piper: Yes, but that was before I realized our son was going to be humiliated in front of his entire class!
- Billie: Oh, that happened to me all the time. Only made me stronger.
- Piper: And shut it!
- (The Charmed Ones orb into a classroom in Magic School, as demons walk through the corridor.)
- Phoebe: Billie was right. It's demon central.
- (The sisters peek out of the door, and see Leo talking to The Source.)
- Leo: Just trying to help you with the kid, that's all.
- The Source: Now why don't I believe that?
- Piper: We gotta hurry. Leo's in trouble.
- Paige: Yeah, well, how are we going to stop The Source? We have no potions.
- Phoebe: It's gonna take a lot more than potions.
- Paige: How did you do it last time?
- Piper: Not the same way we gonna do it this time.
- Phoebe: You have a plan?
- Piper: Yeah, and it starts with Mandy.
- (In the Great Hall, Mandy watches The Source staring at Leo.)
- Mandy: If you don't trust him, just kill him. Then we can go on a family outing. Slaughter a few innocents, have a picnic!
- (The Source edges towards Leo, and sniffs.)
- The Source: There's not a drop of evil in him. HE'S NOT A DEMON AT ALL!
- (He then looks down to see Wyatt standing beside Leo. Leo pulls Wyatt behind him, and The Source looks up at him, gasping in surprise.)
- The Source: This is too good to be true ... Daddy!
- Mandy: What?!? Wait...
- (Suddenly, Mandy faints to the ground, and the possessor demon separates from her.)
- Demon: What happened? Who did this?
- Piper: We did.
- (The Charmed Ones enter the Great Hall. As they do, The Source turns to them, and Leo grabs Wyatt, both of them heading to a chair and hiding behind it.)
- The Source: I should have known the Charmed Ones weren't really dead! Only you've gone soft in my absence. WITHOUT THE HOLLOW, YOU CAN'T HURT ME!
- Piper: Oh really? Hey, cupcake!
- (Piper blasts the possessor demon into a wall. Just as the demon manages to get to her feet, Piper blows her up The Source yells in agony as he is pulled into a fiery portal, which then explodes and vanishes.)
- Phoebe: Talk about your ball and chain!
- Paige: I don't really understand. How did you ...
- Piper: Well, she conjured him, so they're connected. She goes, he goes.
- Phoebe: For eternity now.
- Paige: Okay, well, we probably should get out of here, before any other demons recognise us...
- Phoebe: What are we going to do with her? (nodding to Mandy, who is lying unconcsious on the floor)
- Piper: Oh, come on, we don't need to save her! (Phoebe looks at her) What? She's still too perky!
Rewitched
[edit]- Billie: I was just trying to help
- Phoebe: How is this helping?
- Billie: I didn't mean for you to get married!
- Phoebe: Well you know what? I did, and I cannot believe you used magic when we specifically told you not to.
- Billie: I thought you just meant demon magic not innocent magic!
- Phoebe: Oh, really and (pointing at dress) this is innocent?!
- Billie: Well, you look fabulous!
- Phoebe: Oh you know what, don't try and butter me up with the compliments missy!
- Piper: (running in) Are you out of your mind? What did you do now?
- Billie: Do I have start from the beginning again?
- Piper: I can't believe you did this with Agent Murphy watching our very move?
- Phoebe: Skip down, I already went through that with her
- Billie: I still don't know what I did was so bad
- Phoebe: (flashes engagement ring) THIS! This is what's bad!
- Piper: Wow! That's Huge!
- Paige: Is this what we've been reduced to? Loveless sex? Pimping?
- Piper: Yes.
- (The Charmed Ones walk through Home Security, people staring at them on their way. The secretary stands up, shocked, as they approach her.):
- Piper: Hi, how's it going? Uh, by any chance, is Agent Murphy in?
- Secretary: Who-who shall I say is calling?
- Paige: Oh, I don't know girls. Maybe we should just ... surprise him!
Kill Billie Vol. 1
[edit]- Phoebe: I'm pregnant.
- Paige: (as she collapses onto a sofa) Dex?
- Phoebe: No actually, it was some guy that I met at the pumping station ... Yes, of course it's Dex!
- Piper: Great! Witch vanquishes demon, film at eleven.
- Billie: But the press doesn't even know who I am! That's why I'm the perfect girl for the job. Plus, I wanna do it.
- Paige: Why do you wanna do it?
- Billie: So I can show you guys that I can. Come on! Please? I know I can do this.
- Piper: Fine, but if you get caught on tape I will vanquish you.
- Paige: Speaking of those problems, I think I have figured out a way to get the press off of our broomsticks... (Three rats crawl next to a wall behind Piper) Holly- We have rats!
- Piper: Yeah, they're everywhere, get used to it. So what's this big solution?
- Paige: Where did they come from?
- Piper: The San Francisco Chronicle, uhm... Daily News and the Inquirer. I found them nosing around the garbage.
- Paige: So you turn them into rodents?
- Piper: Well, I could've blown them up.
The Lost Picture Show
[edit]Battle of the Hexes
[edit]- (In Home Security's warehouse. Phoebe is clearing out some boxes, and Billie walks to her, holding a big belt)
- Billie: Hey, check this out.
- Phoebe: (turns to Billie, then back to the boxes and then quickly back to Billie again) No, no!
- (Billie puts on the belt, which immediately begins to glow. Billie is then magically dressed in a blue top, short skirt, brown leather boots and her hair is plaited, making her look like a goddess. Phoebe is astonished.)
- Billie: Uh, what just happened?
- Phoebe: We're screwed, that's what happened.
- (Billie and Phoebe are walking down the street. Billie is attracting looks and some wolf-whistles due to her goddess-style clothing.)
- Phoebe: Typical. Piper has the car, Paige orbs... Does anyone think that Phoebe needs help? No, of course not. Why? Because it's all about them!
- Piper: (talking about Agent Murphy) He can't make us do this on a weekly basis, it's boring.
- Phoebe: Well... if he does, we'll just turn him into a frog or something...
- Phoebe: I'm very busy too. I have dates, lots and lots of dates.
- Piper: Are you trying to get pregnant again?
- Phoebe: No, I'm tryling to find love.
- Phoebe: He's got case files for us.
- Paige: What are we, Charlie's Witches? We don't work for him.
- Phoebe: Apparently he seems to think that. Especially reminding me over and over, he bailed us out of our little jam.
- Piper: That's blackmail.
- Phoebe: No, that's your taxpayers dollars at work.
Hulkus Pocus
[edit]- Piper: See, this is what a Krychek demon is supposed to look like.
- Phoebe: Well, maybe the one you guys were following was just a bigger one.
- Piper: No, this wasn't just bigger. This was like going from you to Schwarzenegger.
- Phoebe: That is so weird.
- Piper: Yes, scary weird.
- (Leo comes out carrying skiing equipment.)
- Piper: Oh, good, you found the skis!
- Leo: Yeah! But, they're kinda old, though. Maybe we should just rent new ones, you know? (He drops the skiing boots) Ah! Damnit!
- Piper: Watch your language. Wyatt is picking up everything we say lately.
- Phoebe: I'm gonna get some more coffee. You guys want anything?
- Piper: No, thanks.
- (Phoebe goes to the kitchen.)
- Piper: You okay with those?
- Leo: Yes, I got there. Listen, why don't we finish packing? I wanna miss traffic, okay?
- Piper: I know, I'm gonna. I just, I need to talk to agent Murphy first about this demon of his.
- Leo: Piper...
- Piper: What? I- I can't just let it go. Can I?
- Leo: Yes, you can. C'mon, when are we the last time had weekend together, alone?
- Piper: I know, and I promise, nothing is gonna stop that from happening, I promise, but I… just kind need to talk him first.
- Leo: Well, why… can't Billie talk to him?
- (Paige walks in.)
- Paige: You guys, I can not find Billie anywhere. She's not answering. Maybe we could just get her pager?
- Piper: Well, just keep trying.
- Phoebe (back from the kitchen): Oh, Paige! Henry called for you last night.
- Paige: Why? What'd he want?
- Phoebe: Uh, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure he wants, you.
- Paige: That's ridiculous.
- Piper: Why? Don't you like him?
- Paige: No!
- Phoebe: Really? Then why is your face turning red?
- Paige: It's not turning red, I probably just put too much blush on.
- Leo: It's… kinda turning red.
- (Piper chuckles.)
- Piper: Ok, why don't you and me (points to Phoebe) go see what the government's not telling us? And I'll be right back, I swear. (She kisses Leo, then heads for the door with Phoebe.)
- Paige: Hey, don't you have a lunch date?
- Phoebe: I canceled. I'm taking a little hiatus.
- Paige: From lunch?
- Phoebe: From men.
- (Piper and Phoebe leave.)
- Paige: Okay. Come on, Billie. (Calls Billie again.)
- Paige: Billie, finally.
- Henry: Hi, how are you doing?
- Paige: Henry, what are you doing here?
- Henry: I need your help.
- Billie: Look, Paige already gave the "what were you thinking" speech so...
- Piper: So? What were you thinking?
- Paige: Did I miss something?
- Phoebe: Nothing.
- Piper: A lot. See ya!
- Phoebe: Just so you know, I know what you're trying to do and it's not gonna work.
- Piper: Okay, just so you know, I know what you're trying to do and I will be relentless.
- (Hulk-Billie attacks Phoebe and Piper. Piper gestures to freeze her, not knowing that it's Billie.)
- Phoebe: No Piper, it's Billie! No, no, you might blow her up. ((Billie hurls a table and jumps over the sofa) Okay, blow her up!
- (Piper, Phoebe and Paige transform into Hulk-like creatures.)
- Leo: Holy crap!
- Piper: Language! (She sends him flying over the attic)
- Phoebe: Leave Leo alone!
- Piper: He's my husband! Why did you do that for?
- Paige: I just felt like it!
- Leo: All right, stop it. You guys are gonna kill each other. How did this happen?
- Phoebe: We made it happen.
- Piper: All right, we have work to do.
- Paige: If you guys will excuse me, I'm gonna go check on little Ramon.
- Piper: Don't you mean Henry?
- Paige: No, I mean Ramon.
- Phoebe: Kiss him for me.
- Paige: Henry?
- Phoebe: No, Ramon!
- Paige: Oh, okay.
Vaya Con Leos
[edit]- Piper: I have to lose you to save you.
Mr. and Mrs. Witch
[edit]- Billie: What is going on?
- Phoebe: Piper, what do you put in the food?
- Piper: Food was in the food, thank you.
- Phoebe: Bu-but, how do you explain this?!
- Piper: But don't look at me. She's the one who said assassins!
- Billie: It was a figure of speech!
- Piper: Well, apparently not!
Payback's a Witch
[edit]TikTok Piper: I have enough to do without worrying about who you're torturing in the attic!
Repo Manor
[edit]- Phoebe: Anyone down here? Big box on high heels. I need some help.
- Piper: Just a sec. Ah, sorry, do you need help?
- Phoebe: Well, I did. Now I just need a sec.
- Piper: Okay, well since I have you...
- Phoebe: Um...Piper, I'm kinda running late. I have to go sign the loan docs and I wanna stop by the condo before work...
- Piper: Loan docs? Wow, I didn't realize this was moving along so quickly. But, you know I've been so focused on getting Leo back.
- Phoebe: Yeah, I know.
- Piper: But, I have made a list of seers and oracles and anyone that might be able to foresee who we have to fight in order to get him back.
- Phoebe: Great, ok. Call me if you find anything.
- Piper: Well, I was thinking...I was thinking that maybe you should take my Jeep, because in my car hold so much more than yours does, doesn't it?
- Phoebe: Right. Piper, are you sure you're okay with me moving out?
- Piper: Yeah, of course I am. I mean we can't be roommates forever, that's just weird.
- Phoebe: Ok, well. Here I go.
- Paige: Oh, what I am gonna do? I'm supposed to have a date with Henry tonight and he is in the worst mood. He's lost his car keys, he's lost his wallet, he locked himself out of his apartment, and I need him to be in a good mood for that I wanna do tonight.
- Piper: We aren't talking about sex, are we?
- Paige: No, we aren't talking about sex. I finally screwed up my courage to tell him...you know that I'm witch and I feel like I have to do it tonight otherwise I might wuss out, and I really need to know that he is okay with who I am. You do this a lot, Pheebs, got any advice?
- Phoebe: Well, hope he doesn't faint. No, I don't know, I mean, I haven't any success with these things. Just ease into it, try to lessen the blow.
- Paige: Okay, how?
- Phoebe: Maybe call some reinforcements, maybe ask some of your magical friends to help him to have a better day so you can have a better night?
- Paige: Like fairies, or something?
- Phoebe: Sure, fairies, leprechauns, whatever. Good luck.
- Piper: Uh, Pheebs?
- Phoebe: Uh-huh?
- Piper: Oh, I was actually hoping that you can help me to let down the list a little bit before you go.
- Phoebe: Oh, Piper, I'm really late.
- Piper: Oh, okay. Well you know, it's just Leo. Really come on, all I need is one little premonition. How hard can it be?
- Phoebe: Ok. (She put the box down.)
- Paige: Hey, Henry.
- Henry: Yeah?
- Paige: Guess what?
- Henry: What?
- Paige: I like you.
- Henry: Hey, Paige. Guess what?
- Paige: What?
- Henry: I like you, too. (they kiss)
- Henry: I'm telling you, this day is getting more better than he started.
- Paige: Yeah, so far.
- Henry: Why you keep say things like that? What do you have to tell me? Come on, it can't be that bad. Rooftop picnic, starlight, candle. Wait, wait I wanna guess first. Hold on. Let me see. You used to be a man before. No, that's not true, right? Good. Come on. Tell me. What is it?
- Paige: I don't think you're gonna like it.
- Henry: Try me.
- Paige: Have you ever wondered about the kind of...strange things that happen...with me and kind of since you've known me? Like, why was I there, trying to help your parolee? How I found that baby's father so quickly?
- Henry: How'd you get that guy to tell the truth?
- Paige: How'd you get shot and miraculously survive? And, even little things like today. Finding your keys, and your wallet, and then there's that winning the 10,000 dollars thing which you probably give to charity, because, you know that's...
- Henry: Okay, okay...What are you trying to tell me Paige?
- Paige: Do you believe in magic?
- Henry: I...I don't know...I don't think about it much. Why?
- Paige: I think it's time you did. (she waves her hand) Lights. I'm doing that right now.
- Henry: How?
- Paige: I'm a witch. I have powers. Uh, I can make these kind of things happen. I am not a kind of witch that rides around on broomsticks, or the hat, or the little black cat. That sort of thing. I use my powers for good. I help people. And this is not going well, and I can see...how completely scared off you are from me. The door is right there and that won't hurt my feelings.
- Henry: Paige?
- Paige: What?
- Henry: Look at me. I am not afraid.
- Piper: Hang on. There is just one more.
- Phoebe: Really? I thought I took all the boxes.
- Piper: Well, this one is kind of all together for you just in case you need more plants or potion vials or crystals or you know clippings of The Book of Shadows just in case.
- Phoebe: Just in case that demon attacks.
- Piper: Yes. Don't laugh. It's gonna happen and you know that. And when it does, you are gonna be, alone.
- Phoebe: Piper, I am just moving into town. You know, it's not that far away.
- Piper: Yes, but it's not at the end of hall.
- Phoebe: That's true. You know, if you don't want me to go...
- Piper: No. You gotta go. You know, there is some blond chick go to sleep in your room. I am just a little sad. But I can be little sad.
- Phoebe: Absolutely. I am sad, too.
- Piper: It's just, you know, there have been a lot of changes.
- Phoebe: You know this always will be my home, right? And that will never change. This is family.
- Piper: Yes. Ok. You gotta go.
- Phoebe: See ya.
- (Phoebe goes and closes the door, leaves Piper alone.)
12 Angry Zen
[edit]- Piper: So I take it that you guys heard about chicken.
- Dog: Rooster. And yes, we sensed it.
- (Demons are fighting in the Halliwell Manor)
- Dog: Go! Protect the staff!
- Piper: What about my house?!
- Dog: Only the staff matters. Go!
The Last Temptation of Christy
[edit]- Simon (to Phoebe) My goodness you're fetching!
- Phoebe: That is so sweet.
- Simon: But you are not half-whitelighter, which is requisite for my future mate, so sorry to disappoint you. But you on the other hand are...
- Paige: Did you just say future mate?
- Simon: No! No, that was..It came out wrong apologies.
- Paige: Ok, here's the deal, we're actually super super busy right now, so it'll be fabulous if you could just orb yourself off now.
- Simon: Immortal? Very impressive.
- Paige: (in british voice) No....Not immortal...(Normal voice) A mortal! As in non-magical!
Engaged and Confused
[edit]Generation Hex
[edit]- Christy: Piper didn't call me. It was you, wasn't it?
- Candor: I did what was necessary.
- Christy: They were my parents!
- Candor: They were distracting you from taking the final step. Now, thanks to me, they no longer are.
- Christy: Bastard! (Christy kills Candor.)
- Candor: (coughing) Congratulations. You just passed... the final... test.
- Christy: Uh!
The Torn Identity
[edit]The Jung and the Restless
[edit]- (Piper and Paige are walking down the staircase in the Manor.)
- Piper: Did she say what she wanted?
- Paige: She just said she wanted to speak to us.
- Piper: This could very well be a trap. Did she call Phoebe?
- Phoebe: Yeah, she did.
- (Piper and Paige turn to see Phoebe, and begin to walk towards her.)
- Piper: Well, at the risk of your wrath, I'm going to tell you that this could be a very bad idea.
- Phoebe: I know, but please, let's just listen to what Billie has to say.
- Piper: I just spoke with an Elder, and she confirmed that those two could be very big trouble for us.
- Paige: What?
- Piper: She wasn't 100% sure, but it is a possibility, which means sooner or later ...
- (Grey smoke begins to rise from the floor. The three sisters turn to see the smoke fade to reveal Billie.)
- Piper: You know, considering you want to kill us, maybe you should use the front door.
- Billie: I don't want to kill you Piper, I just want to find out the truth.
- Phoebe: Well, how do we help you find that?
- Billie: Like this.
- (Billie throws a potion vial, which smashes at the sisters' feet. White smoke rises and flows into their bodies, and the sisters fall to the floor. Grey smoke rises up from the floor again beside Billie, which fades to reveal Christie, who stands beside her sister.)
- Billie: You promise not to hurt them, right?
- Christy: Not until you see what you need to see.
Gone with the Witches
[edit]- (Piper is standing at the Book of Shadows with a notepad. As she searches through the book, Grams' ring suddenly appears on her finger.)
- Piper: (gasps as she notices the ring) Oh crap.
- (She then transforms into an old-fashioned housewife, wearing a blue polka-dot dress with apron, deep red lipstick and ponytailed hair. She then notices that a chair seat has been ripped.)
- Piper: This place is a mess.
- (She then moves out of the attic at superspeed.)
Kill Billie Vol. 2
[edit]- Paige: Watch it, guys! Wait for me. This thing's heavy.
- Piper: We gotta keep moving.
- Phoebe: I think we're going in circles because this looks very familiar.
- Paige: Yeah, it looks the same to me too.
- Piper: Well, of course it does. It's the Underworld. It all looks the same. How many looks can they come up with?
- Paige: No wonder they wanna take over our world. This is ugly.
- Phoebe: They've already taken our world. That's why we're stuck down here. We gotta do something. Come on!
- Piper: I'm open to suggestions.
- Phoebe: Maybe we should talk to the leprechauns again?
- Paige: No, I've had it with the leprechauns.
- Piper: I think they made their allegiance pretty clear.
- Phoebe: They wouldn't even give us a chance to explain.
- Piper: I don't think it would have mattered. Billie and Christy have everybody thinking that we're the threat.
- Phoebe: We gotta get out of here.
- Christy: Where'd everyone go?
- Billie: Oh, I sent them home. I thought they'd be safer away from us.
- Christy: But we might need their help. The sisters...
- Billie: Are gonna come after us, I know. But it's not the magical community's fight. It's ours. It's our destiny.
- Christy: Here we go again.
- Billie: No, don't worry. I know it's the right thing, and it's all for the greater good, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
- Christy: Look, Billie, I know this is hard for you. Okay? But it'll all be over soon. I promise.
- Billie: Don't be so sure. I mean, we came after them with our best shot and they still got away.
- Christy: Yeah, but barely.
- Billie: It just makes me think maybe we don't have enough to go up against them. They aren't the most powerful witches of all time for nothing.
- Christy: But we're not slouches either. Besides, we don't know what would have happened. They got away before our best shot hit them. You know, Dumain thinks we should use vanquishing potions next time.
- Billie: Vanquishing potions?
- Christy: You wrote down their most powerful ones. If we catch them off guard they won't stand a chance against us.
- (Coop appears)
- Coop: Billie? What are you guys doing here?
- Billie: Oh, it's a long story.
- Coop: Oh, what happened?
- Christy: That's what we're still trying to figure out. So, what brings you here?
- Coop: I'm looking for Phoebe. I can't find her anywhere.
- Christy: When's the last time you saw her?
- Coop: Last night at her loft. Someone put her under a spell and... You know what? Never mind. If you see her, tell her I'm looking for her.
- Christy: Absolutely. And you do the same. We're looking for her too.
- (Coop disappears)
- Billie: Wait, he said she was under a spell.
- Christy: So?
- Billie: So Phoebe said the same thing. That makes me wonder...
- Christy: She'll say anything to save herself. So will he. Come on. We have a potion to make.
- Phoebe: Okay, do it.
- Piper: Okay, we can't keep playing Survivor: Underworld much longer.
- Phoebe: What are we gonna do?
- Paige: How about we just orb home?
- Phoebe: No, it's too risky. Billie and Christy will be waiting for us. And their new friends.
- Paige: Okay, well, we gotta do something fast because word is gonna get around that we're down here.
- Piper: She's right. We can't fend off demons forever. We need a plan.
- Paige: Maybe just give up?
- Piper: What?
- Paige: What? It's just that every time we go out and try to get a life, meet people, do new things, we seem to wind up back in these kind of lame positions. Giving up is not such a bad idea, is it?
- Phoebe: No, I'm not giving up. Not now and not after I finally found someone I could see having a future with. Look, if we want our lives and Leo back... we're gonna have to fight.
- Paige: Fight Billie and Christy.
- Phoebe: Exactly.
- Piper: Are you sure you can do it? I mean, really do it? Can you kill them?
- Phoebe: Yeah, they're no different than demons now. Not after all of this.
- Piper: Look out!
- Paige: Energy ball!
- Piper: Go, go, go!
- Coop: Nobody will ever love your daughter more than me, ever. I promise you that.
- Victor: What do you know about love?
- Coop: I'm a Cupid!
- Victor: Well that doesn't mean squat unless you've had your heart broken. Have you had your heart broken?
- Coop: No.
- Victor: Then you don't know about love, believe me.
- Billie: We've been waiting for you.
- Paige: Well, your wait is over.
- (The five girls glare at each other)
- Piper: No potions, huh?
- Christy: We don't need any potions.
- Phoebe: Funny. Neither do we.
- Piper: I know we should never trusted you.
- Christy: You should have followed your instincts.
- Piper: Next time.
- Billie: There won't BE a next time.
- (They stare at each other for a beat and then shoot their powers at each other, causing the manor to explode.)
- (The Angel of Destiny returns with Leo.)
- Angel of Destiny: (looks around) The Battle is over........But not as I expected. (vanishes)
Forever Charmed
[edit]- Patty: It's okay, Mom, you just fainted.
- Grams: Well of course I fainted, your dead!
- Phoebe: Are you getting any of this?
- Paige: Whatever...as long as we're alive again that's all I care about. Plus, it's really nice to see you guys again!
- Patty: Actually, we've never met.
- Paige: Yes, we have, but you were ghost. (the look on Patty's face suddenly changed) Oh, does she know?
- Grams: Yes, we know, we're both dead by now. We're over it.
- Patty: Speak for yourself.
- Phoebe: Wait, you guys went to the future, too?
- Paige: We sure did miss a lot when we were dead.
- (Coop flashes in.)
- Coop: (to Piper) Hey... (he turns and sees Phoebe.) Phoebe?
- Phoebe: Hi.
- Coop: Thanks a lot for telling me she's alive.
- (Piper tosses Coop's ring to him.)
- Piper: You're welcome.
- Adult Wyatt: (surprised) Uncle Coop!
- (Adult Chris immediately hits Wyatt in the arm to shut him up)
- Phoebe: Uncle Coop?! What!? (she stutters stunned as Chris shakes his head at Wyatt who covers his mouth.)
- Christy: We're gonna need Dumain's help if we're gonna finish what we started.
- Billie: Haven't you been listening to me? He's been manipulating us, probably since we met him.
- Christy: If we could just get to the Hollow sooner this time, figure out a way.
- Billie: Christy, listen! What is the matter with you? Dumain is using us, okay? And he's not the only one, the Triad is also. Yes, that's right, they're still alive, or they were, but Dumain didn't tell us that, did he? Instead, he tried to trick me, into saving them instead of you.
- Christy: Well, maybe you should've listened to him.
- Billie: What?
- Christy: The Triad, could've helped us figure out how to kill the sisters if they were still around.
- Billie: Okay. Look at me, listen to me very carefully. They don't care about us. They have twisted everything. They're using us, Christy. Their using us for our powers, our sisterhood, and our lives so all we can do is kill.
- Christy: And that's exactly what we're going to do, Billie. We're going to kill.
- Billie: Well, I can't do it. I won't.
- Christy: Then I'll do it on my own.
- Billie: Christy! God.
- Patty: Now, this is our grandson Wyatt… ooh, so handsome!
- Victor: But I-I'm… I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm so confused.
- Patty: Ah, you'll get over it. I did.
- Victor: Where did you come from.
- Patty: 1975. How do I look?
- Victor: … Didn't anyone tell her, we're divorced?
- (Patty stops smiling.)
- Patty: What?
- Victor: You dumped me, for your Whitelighter.
- Patty: Sam?
- Victor: Yeah, Sam! Paige's father!
- Dumain: What do you mean Billie's not coming? We need her.
- Christy: We can defeat the Charmed Ones without her.
- Dumain: No, we can't. We need the Triad to do that, and we need her power to go back and save them.
- Christy: Well, maybe there's another way.
- (Piper and Grams are mixing up a potion. The smoke from the latest ingredient added seems to be somewhat light.)
- Grams: Mmm, that's not nearly enough. Here, let me do it.
- Piper: Wha--I think I know how to do it after all this time.
- Paige: It's Billie and Christy. They're not demons.
- Grams: Well, they might as well be after all you've told me, which means we can't take any chances. (pauses) I can't get over how big this book has gotten. I'm so proud of you girls.
- Piper: Then why won't you let me stir?
- (Someone knocks on the door.)
- Grams: Uh, Piper, why don't you get that?
- Piper: Paige, why don't you get that?
- Paige: Okay, I'll get that. (rolls eyes)
- (She goes to open the door and finds Henry.)
- Paige: Hey! What are you doing here?
- Henry: What am I doing here? I'm looking for my wife. She didn't come home last night. Are you okay?
- Paige: Yes, I'm okay! Of course I'm okay! I mean, we weren't "okay" okay, but now we're okay and in the future I think we're gonna be... I think we're gonna be more than okay.
- Henry: (stares blankly) Okay.
- Grams: Don't tell me she marries a Whitelighter too.
- Piper: Worse. A mortal.
- Grams: Oh, good God. Didn't I teach you girls anything?
- Piper: Hey, what can I say? There's always Uncle Coop!
- Asmodeus: What?
- Dumain: My lords. We come from the future to warn you about it. The Charmed Ones are going to get the Hollow at the same time Billie and Christy will.
- Christy: Which means we've gotta get to it before they do this time.
- Dumain: Get out of here!
- Asmodeus, Bailel and Candor: [screaming]
- Dumain: No!
- Piper: Oh, yes. (blows up present and past Dumain.)
- Christy: I don't understand! How could this happen?
- Phoebe: Billie projected us here.
- Paige: By focusing on you.
- Piper: Paige.
- Paige: Ring!
- (holds hand out and Coop's ring orbs off Christy's finger and into Paige's hand)
- Christy: (glaring at Billie) How could you?
- Billie: Christy, please. It's over. Just come home.
- (Christy launches a fireball at Billie and the Charmed Ones, but Billie deflects it back, accidentally vanquishing Christy. Billie starts crying)
- Piper: Well, we changed the past, fixed the future and saved the present. That's all.
- Victor: What was that?
- (Phoebe and Paige are sitting down at the table when Piper joins them with the Book of Shadows.)
- Paige: Don't tell me we have to go fight a demon.
- Piper: No, (sighs) I don't think we'll have to do that anytime soon.
- Phoebe: Then what's with the book?
- Piper: Well, I think we should write everything down. Everything that happened, everything we want future generations to know, so we can pass it down. Just like it was passed down to us.
- Paige: (looks at Piper, then turns to Phoebe) After you.
- (Piper gives the book to Phoebe, who turns it to the first empty page, somewhere in the middle of the book, and starts writing. This is the final dialogue heard between the Charmed Ones before the writing begins, along with the following flash-forward voice-over into the future that finally ends the show.)
- Phoebe (voice-over): So much has happened over the last eight years. So much has been gained and lost. Still, in some ways, I feel like my life is really just beginning... and it was. For though I had loved before, I'd never really known love until I met Coop, a man who I shared the special little girl I had long ago foreseen, but feared I might never have. Along with two other special little girls I had not foreseen. I was suddenly so blessed to have a new family of my own, and old friends to share it with. And though I kept working and giving advice to those who asked, I was more interested in helping them find love. Since, finally, having been loved.
- Paige (voice-over): Phoebe had become somewhat of an expert on the subject. As for me, life without demons opened up similar avenues. Henry, of course, continued to look after his parolees, even if they didn’t want to be looked after, while still making time to help me with little Henry and the twins. Which allowed me time to finally embrace my inner Whitelighter, and to help the next generation of witches come into their own.
- Piper (voice-over): So that Paige could pass on all that she'd learned, not just to her own children, or to mine, or to Phoebe's, but to other future witches and whitelighters as well. Which filled the time between when we were doing the fighting and when our kids were old enough to take over. Allowing me time to get back to my roots and cook something other than potions for once, and open the restaurant I'd always dreamed of owning. As for Leo, after we reclaimed Magic School, he went back to teaching, which he continued to do, until it was time to retire. And although we certainly had our struggles…
- Old Piper: (50 years later, finishes reading the Book of Shadows to her granddaughter) …and heartaches over the years, we’re a family of survivors and we will always be... which is why we've truly been, Charmed.
- Granddaughter: Again Grandmama, again.
- Old Piper: Oh, dear. No, I can’t. I need to rest. But you can look at it for a little while if you’d like, hmmm? (She kisses her head and stands up. Old Leo waits nearby.) After all, it’ll be yours one day.
Cast
[edit]Main
- Holly Marie Combs - Piper Halliwell
- Alyssa Milano - Phoebe Halliwell
- Rose McGowan - Paige Matthews (Seasons 4-8)
- Shannen Doherty - Prue Halliwell (Seasons 1-3)
Supporting
- Brian Krause - Leo Wyatt
- Dorian Gregory - Darryl Morris (Seasons 1-7)
- Julian McMahon - Cole Turner / Belthazor (Seasons 3-5, Guest Star Season 7)
- Drew Fuller - Chris Halliwell (Season 6, Recurring Seasons 5, 7 & 8)
- T.W. King - Andy Trudeau (Season 1)
- Greg Vaughan - Dan Gordon (Season 2)
- Karis Paige Bryant - Jenny Gordon (Season 2)
- Kaley Cuoco - Billie Jenkins (Season 8)
Recurring
- Jennifer Rhodes - Penelope "Grams" Halliwell
- Finola Hughes - Patricia "Patty" Halliwell
- James Read - Victor Bennett (Seasons 3-8)
- Scott Jaeck - Sam Wilder (Seasons 2, 5 & 8)
- Rebecca Balding - Elise Rothman (Seasons 1,2 4-8)
- Sandra Prosper - Sheila Morris (Seasons 5-7)
- Wes Ramsey - Wyatt Halliwell (Seasons 5-8)
External links
[edit]
- Charmed quotes at the Internet Movie Database
- Charmed Quote Database