Ed, Edd, n Eddy (season 2)
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The following is a list of quotes from the second season of Ed, Edd, n Eddy.
Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed
- [Eddy crawls on his fingers down the hall]
- Eddy: Eddy, you're the man with the scam. You're the big... [He realizes too late that he's reached the stairs] Uh...
- [Eddy goes tumbling down the stairs. Outside, Ed is talking to Nazz]
- Ed: So if I join you at the party, can I be a tarantula? Or maybe a salamander?
- Eddy: Party? Wait! [He tries to get out of the bucket] Hey! I'm stuck! Ed! [He falls onto his side] Don't forget Cockroach Eddy!
- Ed: Okay I give up! It's no fun being the last human! So can I be a bumblebee?
- [Ed and Edd try to pull Eddy out of the bucket he folded himself into]
- Rolf: Are they from this planet?
- Kevin: No. They're from the Land of the Dorks.
Ready, Set... Ed!
- [The Eds' rocket car has taken a hairy ride down an obstacle course, leaving the Ed's in pain]
- Ed: I think I swallowed a turtle.
- Eddy: What country are we in?
- Edd: We're home, Eddy. And we've broken everything but a record.
- Ed: Can I wear a dress again? Haha!
- [Ed crams the kids inside the rocket car with a broom]
- Ed: Room for one more!
- Kevin: Touch me with that broom and I'll tear off your eyebrow.
1 + 1 = Ed
- Eddy: Ed! What are you doing in my bed?
- Ed: I can't sleep, Eddy. I keep thinking; how can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?
- Eddy: (forcing a smile) Ed? (Ed makes an inquisitive noise) GET OUT OF MY ROOM! (He boots Ed out of bed, then settles back down)
- Ed: Ow! My buttocks hurt. (Ed's attention is drawn to the lava lamp) Why does goo float?"
- Eddy: (irritated) HIT THE ROAD! (There's a crunching noise. Ed has eaten the lava lamp) Wha? MY LAMP!!!"
- Ed: (picking Eddy up by his foot) Eddy, why don't birds just take a bus south for the winter?
- Ed: Eddy, when you close the fridge door, does the little light stay on?
- Eddy: (curled up in a kitchen drawer and completely exhausted): GO HOME!!
- Ed: (ignoring Eddy and continuing to play with the refrigerator door): Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light...
- Ed: Eddy! Carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?
- Eddy: You're gonna strain your peanut brain! Think of something more important! Like...'How to get your face on a dollar bill.'
- Ed: Eddy, why is someone in the kitchen with Dinah?
- Eddy: [processing on Ed's question] Uh, Double D up yet?
- (Eddy sneaks up behind Edd while he's dismantling a radio)
- Eddy: HEY DOUBLE D!
- (Edd squeals and leaps into Ed's arms)
- Edd: Eddy, you know I hate that! (notices Ed) Oh, hello, Ed.
- Eddy: (pulling out a bra from an old dresser) Woo hoo! PG-13!
- Ed: That's my mom's, Eddy.
- (Eddy gags in disgust and drops the bra)
- Eddy: A three-headed Rolf. Yawn.
- Jimmy: Jumping Jehosaphat, who turned out the sun?!
Knock, Knock, Who's Ed?
Know It All Ed
- Eddy: What we have here....is a squirt gun!
- Edd: Please. A 'squirt gun'?
- Eddy: Yeah! A- A Canadian squirt gun!
- Ed: Canadians are weird!
- Ed: Plank reminds me of fresh-cut Spring flowers, spewing across a babbling brook with a hint of lemon!
- Jonny: Stop it, Salty! He's mad, I tell you, MAD!! Oh my...
- Rolf: I was born to be wild, but the cage was too small.
Hands Across Ed
- Rolf: Hallo. I will be performing my country's traditional Dance of the Hairless Otter-
- Eddy: Next! No budget for subtitles....
Floss Yer Ed
- Ed: [holding two coconuts] Can I shave them?
- Edd: Ed, you don't shave coconuts, you eat them.
- Ed: Like report cards?
In Like Ed
- Ed: Um, Double D? [holds up coat hanger] What's this do?
- Edd: That's just a coat hanger, Ed.
- Ed: Oh. Mum's the word.
- Eddy: Nice little soiree, huh, Rolfy-boy?
- Rolf: You have an invitation, overdressed Ed-boy?
- Eddy: [conspiritorially] The crow caws at midnight.
- Rolf: And the cat sours the basil! Rolf would love to talk politics but I must see your invitation!
- Eddy: No problem, stretch... Look! Who's that hairy beast eating all the dip?!
- Rolf: Nana...?
- Ed: Oh, cool! This reminds me of the movie, "Zombies From The Deep Freeze"! A cash cow. This is the part where we'll be torn to pieces, stuffed into ice cube trays, and frozen and used to cool their drinks.
- Edd: Non-alcoholic, I hope.
Who Let The Ed In?
- [The kids have spotted Eddy's fake prize-grabbing machine].
- Jimmy: Did it fall off a truck?
- Sarah: That's how my brother was born!
- Kevin: Prize grabbers are cool.
- Eddy: Whoa; that was fast.
- [Ed is holding gift boxes that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.]
- Ed: Jib made you presents!
- Kids: Presents?
- Eddy: I hate Jib!
- Eddy: [to Ed, about Sarah] If she told you to go jump in a lake with a rock tied to your head, and wait for naked photos of you to be developed, so she can hand them out to all the kids in the cul-de-sac, would you?
- Ed: I had socks on, Eddy.
- Ed: My place is the cat's tuxedo. [pets the cow] Right, poochie? [the cow bellows]
- (Rolf tries to seek refuge in his room, but Edd and Eddy have commandeered his bed)
- Eddy: Turn out that light!!
- Rolf: Ah, yes! Sorry, Ed-boy!
- Ed: One plus one equals one on a bun!
- Kevin: What's a trailer doing on my--TRAILER?!
- Eddy: Why don't you Kankers get lost!
- Ed: And forget about any lovey-dovey stuff!
- Kankers: Lovey-dovey!
- Eddy: Ed, you dolt!
To Sir With Ed
Key To My Ed
- Edd: [bent out of shape after being punted by Eddy, to Rolf] "...before total social abandonment."
- Rolf: You need to eat more fiber, head-in-sock Ed boy!
- Ed: [singing] You're too fat for me! I'm too fat for you!
- Ed: Clammy!
Honor Thy Ed
- Eddy: [notices a spider on the doorknob] Hit the road! [Plucks the spider off the doorknob and the doorknob fell off. The Eds watch the doorknob as it rolls across the floor, then it falls down into a hole with a crash]
- Edd: [with woe] Tell me that didn't happen!
- Ed: It didn't happen!
- Edd: [repeated line] Sleepy, sleepy sleepy...
- Ed: [takes out a bottle of mustard from his jacket and squeezes it, and a pencil pops up] Alley oop! [hands it to Edd] Here's your mustard, Double D.
- Eddy: He asked for a pen!
- Ed: He asked for mustard. Do you have corn in your ears, mister?
- Ed: SUPPLIES!
- [Sarah and Jimmy enter Sarah's room]
- Jimmy: After you, doctor.
- Sarah: Thank you, Nurse.
- [The two catch sight of Edd slumbering on Sarah's bed]
- Jimmy: AAAAHHH!
- [Sarah rushes over to Edd and points to the door]
- Sarah: DOUBLE D, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!
- Edd: (drowsy) I'm azleepy sleepy sleepy...
- [His voice trails off and he falls asleep again]
- Jimmy: Hmm. A severe case of exhaustion, don't you think?
- Sarah: I'm the doctor, and I say he's dead!
- [Sarah shakes Edd roughly. Edd rolls over onto his back and sighs contentedly. Jimmy yelps]
- Sarah: He's worser than I thought! Let's operate!
- Ed: Let's drive to the city, fellas!
- Edd: We're too young to drive, Ed.
- Ed: My dad has a shovel.
- Eddy: If we can't get to the city, then let's bring the city to the cul-de-sac!
- Edd: I suppose I'd better find some tape.....
- Ed: Not to mention a duck!
- Eddy: Pigeons don't go 'oink', Ed!
- Ed: I'm a gazelle! Oink!
Stop, Look, and Ed
- [Ed is smacking his face against some mud]
- Ed: I'm a woodpecker. [continues to smack his face into the mud] Except with dirt.
- Eddy: (out of the grass) Let's find some more signs! (runs off)
- Eddy: Hey, Rolf! All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
- Rolf: Who is this Jack? I know no Jack!
- Edd: Don't listen to him, Rolf! Eddy only wishes to eviscerate social order as we know it! [turns to see Ed riding Rolf's pig Wilfred down the sidewalk]
- Ed: Ed on a pig!
- Edd: Ed, you can't do that!
- Edd': You've broken me, Eddy.
- Eddy: Hmm?
- Edd: Set me free and I'll join you in destroying everything that separates us from the primates.
- Eddy: Now we're making progress!
- Ed: [holding Edd's ant farm] Yum! Like cheese?
- Edd: No, Ed. Progress, not... [He sees what Ed is holding] ... Process! [He flails helplessly] Put them down, Ed! You leave my ants alone! [Ed drops the ant farm. Edd gasps and wraps his legs around Ed's neck] FIVE THOUSAND, TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY-NINE ANTS, ED! [He strangles Ed with his legs] PICK THEM UP! PICK THEM UP!
- [Jonny's house is destroyed after Ed broke a support beam]
- Kevin: You guys are in so much trouble!
- Eddy: Tell me about it, I lost my money.
- Edd: Let's just do the right thing, Eddy, and work for the rest of our lives to buy Jonny a new home.
- Eddy: Yeah, right. They'll never catch....THE FLYING EDUARDO BROTHERS!
- Edd: You're still wearing that thing...?
- [The Eds are in a shed, attempting to make Jonny the most annoying person in the cul-de-sac. Ed laughs as he pulls down a bed reminiscent of Frankenstein. Edd and Eddy look at Jonny, who's wearing a suit]
- Edd: A suit, annoying? I spent two hours counter-balancing chains, and all you can come up with is a suit?
- Eddy: What's with you? It was the most annoying thing I could think of.
- Edd: My father wears a suit!
- Eddy: Exactly.
- [Ed squirts some glue under Jonny's sandal, then he sticks a block of wood under it]
- Ed: I glued a block of wood to Jonny's foot.
- Edd: Ed, why did you glue a block of wood to Jonny's foot? And why these chains?! And why the suit?! Why Jonny?!
- [A long pause]
- Eddy: [to Jonny] Jonny. People really like it when you say "WHY" ALL THE TIME!
- Jonny: They do?! "Why?!" "Why?!" "Why?!"
- Ed: And people really like it when you poke 'em on the head. [poking Eddy's head]
- Eddy: Cut it out, Ed!
- Ed: See? Eddy likes it.
Ed In A Halfshell
- Sarah: [sweetly] Oh, Ed!
- Ed: [shakily] Uh, yes, old obnoxious little sister of mine?!
- Sarah: [takes out Ed's model rocket] See what I got?
- Ed: THAT IS MY 1/30 SEC. SCALE ORBITAL PLANET RETRACKER NO. 2 MODEL ROCKET!!
- Sarah: Take care of Jimmy, or I'll pulverize your stupid model!
- Ed: Have mercy, depraved sibling! I will take care of Jimmy. Honest.
- Sarah: Good.
Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed
- Ed: Okay. I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" through a car wash. [Edd and Eddy look at Ed, flummoxed]
- Edd: Ed, try a more reasonable dare, please.
- Ed: [after a long pause] Okay, I dare Eddy to be Double D.
- Edd: Eddy act like me? Why, that's–
- Eddy: Stupid, Ed! You blew your chance to–
- Edd: Y'know, Eddy. It could be quite intriguing. Why, I'd be flattered if you were to mimic me.
- Eddy: Let's see, where do I start? [proceeds to mimic Double D] "The wind conditions are absurd. The lean is too steep for the fat."
- Ed: Good Double D, Eddy. [Double D chuckles]
- Eddy: [pretends to strain to budge the bottle, unable to move it an inch] "Oh, dear. The unsanitary. My skinny arms cannot bear the weight. Oh oh I know. I'll move it with my brain." [pretends to concentrate]
- Edd: [sarcastic] Ha, ha, ha. Very good, Eddy. [spins the bottle] Can we resume playing? [The bottle settles on him.] Oh dear.
- Eddy: Ha! I dare ya to be Ed! Go on, flatter him.
- Edd: Well, I suppose I could, but only if Ed will be Eddy.
- Ed: I can do Eddy, I practiced. [pushes his eyes together and starts speaking in a loud, raspy voice] "Can it, Double Dweeb!"
- Eddy: Whaddya mean you practiced?
- Ed: "Shut up, Sockhead!"
- Eddy: Please, 'Eddy'. You're invading my personal space! [pushes Ed away. The Eds laugh hysterically]
- Eddy: Well...?
- Ed: Do me, Double D!
- Eddy: We're waiting.
- Edd: Very well. Uh, let's see now. [turns around and manipulates his face. When he faces his friends again, his eyes are spread out across his face] "Buttered toast." [The Eds laugh again.]
- Rolf: Hurry, as the raspberries beg to be squashed, Ed-boy.
- Ed(dy): Let's sell the squash for cash. Chicken! [hugging it] Pet the chicken, pet the chicken… [sees Ed(d)] The stupid bird stole my quarter. Flew away with it. Stupid.
- Edd(y): Excuse me, 'Eddy'. May I fuel inject? Chickens cannot fly, as they are mammals.
- Ed(d): I love chickens, Eddy.
- [The Eds laugh heartily. Rolf, who is stomping the raspberries, glares at them.]
- Rolf: Ed-boy!
- Ed: [poking Edd] Wake up, Monobrow.
- Edd: Oh right. Yes. Ahem. [turning around to face Rolf] I am Ed.
- Rolf: [hassled] You are not Ed-boy! I must have the large Ed-boy here now. So please, Ed-boy, raspberries to squash! Thank you.
- Edd(y): Rolf said, "thank you"! Isn't it refurbishing to hear politeness?
- Ed(dy): Put a sock in it, sock in it. I got a plan. [pulls Edd(y)'s sock over him and walks behind Ed(d)] Hey, burnhead. I will now inflict pain on you.
- Edd: What? [Ed swings Eddy, knocking Edd into the raspberry silo.] Buttered toast?
- Rolf: No butter, raspberries! Squish the fruit, slowpoke Ed-boy. Rolf needs juice for his great thirst!
- Eddy: Eddy, I too am thirsty. Quite partial, to be correct.
- Edd: [calling from the muck] "Parched"! The word you're looking for is "parched"!
- Ed(dy): Yeah, right, Lumpy! Parched is a fish! [laughs]
- Edd(y): Intriguing.
- Rolf: You are not Ed. [ranting] You have cursed my raspberries to the life of salad dressing, impostor with tiny feet!
- [Suddenly, the berry juice begins to drain from its container.]
- Ed: You know what they say, Double D. [shoves Edd(y)'s mouth to an opened pipe on the side.] "If you're thirsty, take a drink." [Edd(y) chugs it down and swells up.] Gee, Double D. You really let yourself go. [jumps on Eddy and spits the pipe out] Kids'll pay big money to ride a blimp. You're a genius, Double D.
- Edd: [popping out of Eddy's sock] You really think I'm a genius?
- Eddy: Hey, I'm Double D! I'm the genius! [A red-tinted Rolf opens Edd(y)'s mouth and climbs out.]
- Ed(dy): I have caused discomfort 'cause I'm Eddy! [laughs]
- [The 'Eds' laugh.]
- Rolf: Rolf has never been so confused.
- Edd: What in heaven's name is this? A ladle? Oh, my. IT'S A TUB OF GRAVY!!!!!
Hot Buttered Ed
- Edd: [about to make a shadow puppet] Did you know shadow puppetry was one of the oldest forms of entertainment? [made a shadow puppet of a skeleton]
- Ed: Like walnuts?
- Ed: The sound of a babbling brook makes me want to babble, Double D.
High Heeled Ed
- Eddy: We need to find our more sensitive side.
- Ed: I found my sensitive side, coz it has a rash.
- Edd: Thank you for sharing that with us, Ed.
- Ed: Spending extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing.
- Eddy: What's with you?!
- Edd: Ed's trouser-less state seems to have jogged an intellectual moment within the confines of his brain.
- Eddy: Ed? Is that you?
- Ed: ......HUG ME!
- Eddy: Well, that didn't last long!
- Ed: HUG!
- Eddy: Ed!!!!
- [Ed exposes the scam to the kids]
- Edd [tearful]: Oh, I'm so ashamed... [breaks down, whilst Ed comforts him]
- Ed: There, there, Double D. Santa forgives.
- Eds: [singing at Rolf's front door] We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas– [Rolf opens the door wearing festive native clothing. Confused, Eddy and Double D stop singing, while Ed continues]
- Ed: [singing] ...We wish you a merry Christmas, so give us some cash! [Wilfred oinks]
- Rolf: No cash. A fine strip of bacon, yes? [puts a strip of bacon into the Eds' cash jar]
- Eddy: It was horrible!
- Ed: [Dramatically] Horrible it was. A giant Swedish meatball with a bloodcurdling scream grabbed Eddy in its drooling grasp!
- Edd: [Rolling his eyes] Please!
- Rolf: Rolf has seen this meatball! It stalks Wilfred in the dead of night!
- Edd: Ed?! What in Heaven's name were you thinking?!
- Ed: Absolutely nothing, Double-Dee.