Evil Con Carne

Evil Con Carne (2003-2004), created by Maxwell Atoms, is an American animated television series that aired on Cartoon Network. It is about the brain of a rich playboy who wants to dominate the world with his army after getting the rest of his organs.

Season 1

Evil Con Carne [1.01]

Hector: Attention, League of Nations, you will lower your pathetic defenses and turn control of the planet over to me, Hector Con Carne. If you do not comply by six o'clock, this

[Boskov turns the camera]

Hector: HEY! Point the camera at me, you doo-doo! ME! Ahem, yes. So, turn over control of the world to me or I will force to use my doomsday device! With this, I can reduce your cities to smoking rubble! You have six hours to meet my demands.

[Hector ends broadcast]

Hector: Oh, that was horrible! Bad Boskov! Bad bear! These days like this, I wish my real body hadn't exploded!

---

Skarr: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, sir, but the League of Nations just sent a team of crack commandos to stop us.

Hector: Commandos? How can we stop them from kicking our butts, General Skarr?

Skarr: Hmmm. Cover our butts with our hands, sir?

---

Commando: Alright, commandos! Let's rock!

Emotional Skarr [1.02]

Hector: Skarr, report to the command center right away!

Skarr: But, it's 2 AM.

Hector: Don't you know that tyranny never sleeps? For you see, General, on this very night, you and I will finally... dominate... the world! Hahahaha! Now, hurry up! Oh, and bring up some ice cream. Vanilla.

Stomach: Vanilla is delicious!

---

Skarr: What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. I am sick and tired of playing errand boy for that oversized wad of chewing gum, and that dipstick bear of his. I utterly despise him with every fiber of my being. And someday, someday soon, my children, I will make him... pay.

---

Skarr: You need to change your brain fluid, Hector. There's only one way to conquer the world. We've got to build massive armies and stockpile missiles! Then, you have to target and destroy every major capital in the world! YES! YES! HAHAHAHA! ALL MINE! ALL... [stops daydreaming] mine?

---

Robot Dog: Self destruct will occur in T-minus ten seconds, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one....

[Bunny Island explodes]

Evil Goes Wild [1.03]

Hector: What was that?

Skarr: That was just our engines blowing up. I'm out of here!

---

Ranger: Come out with your paws up. You know the law! [points to sign] Wild bears are not allowed to fraternize with park guests.

Hector: But, I'm not a... I can explain. I'm unarmed, literally!

The Smell of Vengeance [1.04]

Hector: You fool! You can't put a king on a four!

Devolver [1.05]

Stomach: Did you say sandwich?

---

Ghastly: I knew I should have been a dental assistant.

---

Skarr: Anyone care to wager what I'll be next?

[Skarr devolves into a sheep liver fluke]

Skarr: If you guessed sheep liver fluke, you win.

Tiptoe Through the Tulips [1.06]

Hector: Does not having a body stink! Come to think of it, not having a mouth stinks.

---

Skarr: Tuesday is steak and kidney pie day!

Bring Me the Face of Hector Con Carne [1.07]

Ghastly: Chief!

Hector: Don't you ever knock?

Ghastly: Sorry, chief but I have some good news. I've been tracking the trajectory of your exploded body parts, and I think I may have located your face somewhere in the arctic!

Hector: My face? Are you sure?

Ghastly: 99.957%, chief! It's possible that the sub-zero temperature preserved it intact.

Hector: Tell Skarr to gas up the jet. I haven't seen my face in seven years.

---

Hector: How can I take over the world with Cod Commando breathing down my neck!?

Pirate: Argh. Ye be needing to get yourself a mad scientist, as it were.

Search and Estroy [1.08]

Estroy: Hello, neighbor. How did you enjoy my little... light-show?

Hector: Estroy. What do you want, bucket-face?

Estroy: Please, Hector. I come in peace. I want to bury the hatchet, buddy.

Hector: I know exactly where to bury the hatchet.

Estroy: I want to let bygones be bygones and to invite you to dinner.

Hector: Dinner, eh? [Thinking] This will give me a chance to try to steal Estroy's next plan and use it myself. [Out loud] I will gladly accept your gracious invitation.

Estroy: Oooh, then, its a date. Umm, I mean... dinner-meat... thing.

---

Hector: I really, REALLY hate that guy!

Christmas Con Carne [1.12]

Snowman:

Rupert: That doesn't concern me. Ever since the other reindeer shunned me from playing any of their reindeer games, I've chosen to live here in isolation.

Snowman:

---

Rupert: Merry Christmas, suckers!

---

Santa Claus: Rupert, with your muscles and might, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

Rupert: It would be an honor!

---

Announcer: Merry Christmas is a trademark of the X-Mas Corporation and should not be repeated without written permission.

The Pie Who Loved Me [1.13]

Hector: We all live in a beautiful world. The rocks, the trees, the tiniest squirrel. Billions of people with bright, smiling, faces. Boys with golf clubs, young girls with braces. Puppies, kittens, the mighty condor. These are a few of the things I adore. I love my island, I love my money.

Stomach: I love ham, I love jam, I love biscuits with honey.

Hector: Our world is filled with incredible beauty and that is why I feel is my duty to send forth the troops, to invade the coastline. To crush and destroy, until it's all mine!

Season 2

Gutless/Day of the Dreadbot/League of Destruction [2.01]

Hector: On my mark, one, two, two and a half... Wait! I... I can't do it!

Skarr: But, sir! We have the perfect shot!

Hector: I just can't do it!

Skarr: WHY NOT!?

Hector: I haven't the stomach for it.

---

Hector: Out! Go back to Burger King, where you came from!

---

Skarr: Stick the knife in his back, and twist! Twist! TWIIIIIST!

Skarrbot: [He writes down Skarr's commands] Knife in back, twist, twist, twist.

---

Skarrbot: Remember, father?

Skarr: [Hologram] Stick the knife in the back, and twist! Twist! TWIIIIIST! [Back to himself] Oh.

Skarrbot: Hahaha!

Skarr: You betrayed me?

Skarrbot: Affirmative.

Skarr: I am so... proud!

---

Hector: We will become an unstoppable force that no one will be able to... stop!

Son of Evil/Right to Bear Arms/Trouble with Skarrina [2.02]

Samurai Cat: What is that horrible stench? [Dog Chu arrives, snarling] Behold the ultimate weapon; the sword! Now, who's the pet?

---

Monkey: Turn back while you still can.

---

Hector: Boskov, spit-take, please. WHAT!?!

Max Courage! [2.04]

Rick Courage: [repeated quote] It's Rick!

Ultimate Evil [2.05]

Ghastly: Enrique Jr. isn't stupid!

Enrique Jr.: ¡Yo quiero Hector Con Carne!

Hector: No! I mean Boskov!

Season 3

No No Nanook/Teenage Idol [3.01]

Gollum: Follow me. Follow me, my precious. I mean, master. No, wait, I mean... Oh, just give me the stupid Ring, master Halfling!

[Hector runs over the two of them]

Hector: Hey, what was that?

Skarr: About five points.

---

Gollum: Yes, precious. Follow Shlamegal. Yeidel, deidel, Shlamegal, Shlamazel, nasty, stinky, filthy, thief! Give me that stupid Ring, halfling!

[Mounties run over the two of them]

Monty: I say. Six points.

Jealousy, Jealous Do/Hector, King of the Britons [3.04]

Hector: That's it, Boskov. You are not allowed to watch Episode I anymore!

Danske Stemmer

• Troells Walther Toya – General Ar
• Karoline Munksnæs – Gyselin
• Dick Kaysø – Hector Con Carne