Muppets from Space

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Muppets from Space was the sixth feature film to star The Muppets and was the first since the death of Muppets creator Jim Henson to have an original Muppet-focused plot. It was directed by Tim Hill and produced by Jim Henson Pictures for Columbia Pictures. The film was originally released in theaters on July 14, 1999.

Dialogue

[first lines]
Gonzo: Hey, wait for me! Hold the boat! I'm coming! Noah! Mr. The Ark! I'm here. Barely made it. For a minute, there. I thought you were leaving without... [Noah stops him] Gee, Mr. Noah, sir, I'm gonna come too.
Noah: What are you, anyway?
Gonzo: Oh, uh... Good question. Now technically speaking, uh, let's say, put me down as a whatever.
Noah: What do you mean? What is your species?
Gonzo: Uh, well, I, I, I... I don't know. I guess there's only one of me.
Noah: [Steps back, then points at gonzo] THEN YOU ARE DOOMED! [he walks inside, closing the door on Gonzo]
Gonzo: Wait. Wait! Oh. Huh?
Noah: [opens the door] Um...
Gonzo: Yes, sir?
Noah: You may need this. [grabs an umbrella to Gonzo, then closing the door on him again]
Gonzo: But, but, but, but... [opens the umbrella, causing to rain] Oh! [screaming in fear] NOOO!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!! No! No! No! I don't wannna be alone! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! [dissolve to reality]
Gonzo: [muttering] No, no, no, no, no, I don’t want to be alone. No, no. [snaps out of his dream, screams] NOOO!!!! [accidentally knocks his best friend Rizzo the Rat out of the hammock, screaming out the window] I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE!!!!!!
Rizzo: [off-screen] You're not alone.
Gonzo: [notices rizzo] Who-Who Said That?
Rizzo: [As The Scene Shows Gonzo Looking Back And Forth Until He Notices The Window, Off-Screen] Gee. I Don't Know. Maybe It's The Rat Who's HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOW!!!!!!!!!
[Miss Piggy runs past Statler and Waldorf]
Statler: Is breakfast over?
Waldorf: No, why?
Statler: Because I think the bacon just ran out.
Pepe: [comes to the table] The raspberry flap overs will be out in a moment.
Robin: Hey, Uncle Kermit, what will you do now that you're on vacation?
Kermit: Well, Robin, once I get those house painters started, l'm gonna kick back and relax.
Pepe: Kermit? When will you fix the oven, okay?
Kermit: [confused] What's wrong with the oven? [An explosion is heard in the kitchen. Everyone on the table react to that sound.]
Pepe: That.
Swedish Chef: Yurski burski popovers kaboofed!
Kermit: Yeah... I'll put it on the top of my list...
Pepe: There is a menu correction, okay? We will now be serving bologna sandwiches. [everyone makes disappointed sounds. Swedish Chef says something to Pepe] But no bread. [Everyone makes a disgusted noise and leaves the table]
Clifford: I'm already gone.
[Kermit sees Gonzo coming downstairs looking dejected]
Kermit: Hey, Gonzo, aren't you performing at that Bar Mitzvah today?
Gonzo: Nah. Electric Mayhem's covering for me.
Kermit: [concerned] But, Gonzo, you never miss the chance to get shot out of a cannon. Something wrong?
Gonzo: No. [beat] It's just that I'm sick and tired of being a one-of-a-kind freak, that's all.
Kermit: Gonzo, you are 'not a one-of-a-kind freak! You're a... [falters]
Gonzo: [annoyed] A whatever?
Kermit: Well... yeah!
Gonzo: You see?! See what I mean? I don't even know where I came from, or who I am!
Clifford: Yo, Kerm.
Kermit: Hmm?
Clifford: You weren't expecting some house painters, were you?
Kermit: Yeah, why?
Clifford: They're just driving away.
Kermit: What?!
Clifford: Animal bit one of them!
Kermit: Oh no! [The car engine of the house painters truck starts] Wait, guys! Don't let them go! [turns to Gonzo] You know what I think you are, Gonzo?
Gonzo: What?
Kermit: Distinct. [turns to run to the door to try and stop the painters] Wait, guys! He didn't mean it! He's just a musician!
Animal: Musician! Musician! Musician! [Gonzo looks over at photos of the Muppets with their respective family members, before coming to photo of himself, alone]
Gonzo: [depressed] Distinct, huh? More like extinct... [pours the alphabet cereal in the bowl, but spills a little bit on the table] Oops. [looks at the letters spinning around, then making the words, saying, "Watch The Sky"] "Watch the sky"? Hey! Hey! Rizzo, come here. I think my Kap'n Alphabet is sending me a message.
Rizzo: [While holding a plate with bologna] I know what you mean. I had some guacamole and it's still taking to me.
Gonzo: No. No. Really. Look. Look. I'm not kidding. [looking at the letter cereals] It was there just a second ago. I swear, Rizzo. It said, "Watch the sky."
Rizzo: Are you sure it didn't say "You need help?"
Gonzo: But, but...
Rizzo: Maybe you and your cereal would like to be alone. [takes the plate of ] Oh, hey! ♪ My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R...♪
Gonzo: [he pours the cereal the bowl with letters, then grabbing a telescope] Cool. Huh? [he looks at the letters, then making the words, saying, "R U There"] "Are you there?" [calling out] RIZZOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Pepe: Come on, Rizzo. Time to bet, okay.
Rizzo: All right, prawn cracker. I’ll see your Maryland crab cakes and I’ll raise you a 1958 cheddar cheese never been sniffed.
Kermit: Crab cakes and cheese?
Clifford: Can't be that.
Gonzo: [excited] Hey, guys! The Cosmic Fish have spoken to me: I'M FROM OUTER SPAAAAAAAACE!
Rizzo: [not listening] Yeah, yeah, that's great - Pepe, are you in or out?
Pepe: I'm in.
Gonzo: I'm an alien!
Rizzo: You been tap-dancing on the barbecue?
Gonzo: No, no, Rizzo. I’m just fine.
Rizzo: MY CARDS! SOMEBODY GET A FIRE EXTINGUISHER! NOT MY CARDS. Oh, no, no, no!
Kermit: Gonzo, are you sure you’re okay?
Gonzo: Yeah, absolutely. But I have to respond. Gotta make contact.
Clifford: Where’s he going with those keys?
Pepe: Who cares? Flying saucer, maybe. Dos deuces. The prawn cracker wins.
Rizzo: Pair of twos! I swear I had four aces. I really did!
Pepe: ♪You got to know when to hold it...♪
Rizzo: No, no, no!
Pepe: ♪Know when to fold it, Know when to walk...♪
Gonzo: Put a little more paprika on those, okay? Thank you. Well, that's everything.
Rizzo: He built it.
Pepe: And we came.
Gonzo: Remember guys, I built this new Jacuzzi for my alien family, so no eating in the spa.
Rizzo: [guiltily] We gotta tell him the truth, Pepe.
Pepe: You tell him, and I will smack you. I will smack you like a bad, bad donkey, okay!
Johnny: Sal.
Sal: Yeah, Johnny?
Johnny: There are no cannolis!
Sal: Yeah, [holds up a slice of cake] but try this cake, this is a beauty!
Johnny: That is nice! Would you... [sees Gonzo, panics;] Gonzo, Gonzo! [Sal and Johnny turn away as Gonzo approaches]
Gonzo: Go easy on the buffet, fellas, I just want... [stops, seeing the cake cut and gets shocked] Who...cut...the cake? WHO CUT THE CAKE?! WHO CUT IT?!?!
Johnny [feigning outrage] Oh, look at that!
Sal: [feigning outrage] Who cut this cake?!
Johnny: That's awful. They would've done... [walks off with Sal]
Gonzo: The guests of honor aren't even here yet!
Fozzie: Hey, great party!
Gonzo: [sighs] Yeah... [looks up at the sky] I just wish they'd get here.
Sal: [in the background] Hey, you! Did you cut Gonzo's cake?
Pepe: You said you going to tell him, okay?
Rizzo: Pepe, the Jacuzzi thing was your idea, and you have to tell him!
Pepe: [beat] Si, I will tell him, okay?
Gonzo: They're calling me!
Rizzo: Here he comes.
Gonzo: Hey, Gonzo!
Rizzo: I can't talk now, guys.
Pepe: You should've told him.
Rizzo: I wasn't supposed to!
Pepe: You said you'd tell him.
Rizzo: I said, you! I meant you.
[Gonzo appears on TV]
Clifford: You better get down there, Kerm.
Kermit: Relax, no one is going anywhere, okay?
Gonzo: [on TV] You see, I was contacted through my breakfast cereal, and it was confirmed by the Cosmic Fish that I am from outer space.
Rizzo: [to Kermit] So, you wanna go now, or wait for the commercial?
Kermit: ...Now. [gets off the couch]
Kermit: Listen, aren't you taking this alien thing a little too far?
Gonzo: Kermit, I realize that it may be hard for you to accept me as an alien... But I didn't choose to be one. And, well, I've always had alien tendencies - this just makes sense to me!
Miss Piggy: [to the agents taking Gonzo and Rizzo away] Hey, studmuffin, hold it!
Agent Barker: [to the other agent] I'll deal with her.
Miss Piggy: [sarcastically] Oh, ha-ha you'll deal with moi? Look, chumpo, I'm just trying to get a story okay.
Agent Barker: How about this story? It's about a big bad wolf and a little pig.
Miss Piggy: No, that's three pigs okay.
Agent Barker: [menacingly] Not in this version.
Miss Piggy: [frowns] Hey, Wait a minute, you're not part of an alien-protection agency! Who are you? Where are you taking Gonzo?! [He grabs her arm] hey! [A stand off between Miss Piggy and Agent Barker] Hi-yah!
Agent Barker: I'm impressed! [Knocks down a standing post] Black belt, third degree.
Miss Piggy: Hi-yah! [Knocks down wooden stand] Platinum belt, with an unlimited line of credit.
Agent Barker: [grins] I like this party!
Miss Piggy: Oh, ahh, tough guy, tough guy, ha-ha!! Come on, show me, show me! Oh, look, Cindy Crawford.
Agent Barker: Huh?
Miss Piggy: Hi-yah! [She hits him in the stomach] ha-ha-ha!
Agent Barker: [chuckles] Where have you been all my life?
Miss Piggy: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!! [They start dancing around until Agent Barker punches her in the face] Is that all you got?! [Miss Piggy keeps saying it after each punch on her nose until Agent Barker grabs her head and gives her a noogie] Not the noogie! HI!!!! [She punches him in the crotch and then he lets her go] Eh!
Agent Barker: Ooh! [He falls on his knees] Oooooooooooooooh! [He tumbles to the ground]
Miss Piggy: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! MAMA!!!!!!
[Later, on the set of UFO Mania Live]
Agent Barker: [tied up] ...That's all I know!
Miss Piggy: Okay, okay, so, let me get this straight now: This government agency, C.O.V.N.E.T., has abducted Gonzo, and taken him to its top-secret facility?
Agent Barker: Yes, Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy: Well, thank you, darling. You've been most helpful. [excited] At last! [knocks over Barker] A real story! Intrigue, danger, new outfits, and it's mine, mine, mine! All mine! [runs off, then comes back, looking directly into the camera] Oh, come on, please, you think Ted Koppel never gets excited?
Miss Piggy: Listen, everyone, listen. I've got great news! Gonzo has been kidnapped by the government, and it could be a life-threatening situation! [Everyone gasps in horror]
Kermit: How can that be "great news"?
Miss Piggy: Because... I've got the story! I've got the story! [gasps] I need to change! [runs up the stairs] Something that says, "Journalistic integrity"! Oh, I've gotta pee!
Kermit: Oh, brother!
Fozzie: What are we gonna do?
Kermit: Okay, guys, it's up to us: We have to save Gonzo from a whole army of government agents!
Fozzie: Well... I have a joke book.
Animal: Drumsticks! Drumsticks!
Pepe: I have some loose Jell-O, okay? [holds it up and wiggles it]
Kermit: ...Okay, well, that settles that. In circumstances like this, there's only one place to turn...
Rizzo: This is ridiculous.
[Rizzo is in a rat maze in a laboratory with other rats]
Bubba: [to Rizzo] Hey, Riz. Watch out for those red coicles.
Rizzo: What red circles? I don't see any... [is all of a sudden electrocuted and is launched into the air]
Bubba: Nobody ever listens...
Rizzo: Red circles. Right. Now let me see. Cheese, rat poison. Cheese, rat poison. What do you guys think, I'm crazy? This is a no-brainer. This ain't so bad. A little breezy. Oh, boy. Auntie Em, Auntie Em, it's a twister! This is just like one of those carny rides. You just gotta hang on, and at the end I get some cotton candy. I'M GONNA HURL!!!! You're just trying to play mind games here. But I know the cheese is safe... ...because you think I'm going for the poison, right?
Evil Scientist Man: Hey, rodents. You know the cheese I promised you... ...after you ran that maze and took those tests? It was delicious.
Rizzo: No cheese? NO CHEESE? All right, that does it - We're busting out of this joint, boys!
Bubba: No, Riz, no, even if we got over the wall, we couldn't turn the doorknob.
Rizzo: Who needs doorknobs? [lifts up his "Mice Girls" poster to reveal a hole, while the other rats gape in shock]
Kermit: We gotta get through that door.
Fozzie: Should we just ask permission from those nice men with the rifles?
Kermit: [exasperated] Fozzie, those are the bad guys!
[Everyone falls into a pile after becoming invisible]
Pepe: Come on, Kermit. I will help you up, okay. [beat] Why, Kermit, you're so soft and plump...
Miss Piggy: [threateningly] You got one second to get your hands off me, shrimp.
Pepe: [mortified] Sorry, Piggy!
Dr. Van Neuter: Let's see here... Have you ever experienced any achiness in your tentacles?
Gonzo: I don't have tentacles!
Dr. Van Neuter: Good, no achy tentacles, good... Head ever come off?
Gonzo: No, I don't think so.
Dr. Van Neuter: Good, good, good. Any gingivitis?
Gonzo: No.
Dr. Van Neuter: Great. What about problems with that beaky thing you've got there? Itching, swelling, flaking?
Gonzo: Well, some flaking a couple years ago-
Dr. Van Neuter: [throws away clipboard] Oh, who cares? It's showtime! Here we go.
Gonzo: Oh, brother.
Dr. Van Neuter: Excellent, excellent.
Gonzo: What's that thing?
Dr. Van Neuter: I don't know. Here we go. Here we go. Just stay like that.
Gonzo: Okay.
Pepe: This way.
Miss Piggy: Whose bright idea was this, anyway?
Fozzie: Which way, Kermit?
Pepe: Kermin! Kermin! This way.
Miss Piggy: I can't breathe!
Pepe: Come on, Kermin!
Dr. Van Neuter: Okay. Here we go.
Gonzo: Wait, wait.
Dr. Van Neuter: What is it?
Gonzo: Are you sure this is covered by my HMO?
Dr. Van Neuter: Good question. I'll check.
Rizzo: Gonzo.
Gonzo: Rizzo. You're alive. Where have you been?
Rizzo: You don't want to know. Sit tight while I chew through these straps.
Gonzo: Yeah, yeah.
Rizzo: Okay.
Dr. Van Neuter: Good news. You're covered with a $10 co-pay. Okay, hold still. And remember, if you experience any unpleasantness, please let me know. I'd hate to miss it.
Rizzo: Do you mind?
Dr. Van Neuter: Excuse me. Wait! Oh, good Lord! A rat! I hate rats!
Bubba: Then today ain't your lucky day, Doc.
Rat #1: Ready for an operation?
Rat #2: A little experiment.
Pepe: Forward, Piggy. Forward.
Kermit: Doctor.
Pepe: Doctor.
Kermit: Doctor.
Pepe: Doctor.
Kermit: Just a couple of doctors.
Pepe: Doctors in the hallway. That was close.
Kermit: To the right, Fozzie.
Pepe: Forward, Piggy. Too fast, too fast. The door. Stop!
Kermit: What in the world?
Singer: This is big, general. I think we should notify the president.
General Luft: I'll be the judge of that.
Singer: As always, sir.
Dr. Van Neuter: No, don't tickle me!
Pepe: What do we do?
Miss Piggy: Will you please get me out of here?
Dr. Van Neuter: No, no, no! I can't breathe!
Gonzo: Hey, guys. Quick, get me out of here!
Singer: Today, sir... ...we must think with a big mind. Behold. Irrefutable evidence of extraterrestrial life.
Dr. Van Neuter: Release me...
Singer: This looks worse than it is, general. Obviously, the...
Dr. Van Neuter: Get off of me, you vermin!
Singer: The alien is loose in the building. But not to worry, because...
General Luft: Don't bother. You're terminated.
Singer: When you say "terminated"...
General Luft: YOU NEED HELP, SINGER! FIND SOME!
Agent Rentro: Well, how'd that go for you, then? Okay?
Gonzo: So sorry I got you into this mess. Anyway, thanks for coming to save me.
Kermit: You can thank us once we're out of here. All right, everybody, quietly now.
Woman in Security Guard: Stop! Come back here!
Animal: Help! Mommy!
Woman in Security Guard: Please, please. Listen to me. You can't leave me. I need you.
Animal: I go now.
Woman in Security Guard: Fine. Go on, go. You're all alike. Animals. Call me.
Kermit: Animal! Animal!
Gonzo: Come here!
Way to go, Romeo. Now let's get out of here.
Gonzo: Let's go, let's go.
Singer: I'm gonna kill somebody.
Agent Rentro: Now, now. Remember, calm blue ocean. You let it go. Baby steps, remember? Baby...
Singer: FIND THE ALIEN! NOW!
Agent Rentro: Yes, sir.
Kermit: Try that door.
Gonzo: It won't budge!
Kermit: Forget that door. Come on! This way! Fozzie, quick! The door in a jar.
Gonzo: It's right here.
Animal: Yeah, yeah.
Fozzie: "Open jar away from face."
Kermit: Will you please just open the jar? Hurry, Fozzie. Come on, throw it!
[The Muppets try to escape using the "Door in a Jar", but it only creates a door too small for them to get through]
Kermit: Gee, that's disappointing...
Miss Piggy: [sarcastic] Perfect. Somebody knock and see if Barbie's home.
Pepe: Works for me. Adios! [uses the door]
Rizzo: What?! [runs after him, but is unable to open the door] Oh, I cannot believe that little shrimp left us behind! [Pepe opens up a larger door next to them]
Pepe: I am not a shrimp - I am a king prawn! Let's go, let's go! Come on!
[Miss Piggy starts broadcasting on UFO Mania live at cape doom]
Miss Piggy: Midnight the lone Alien stands before a naked Sky the moon is tense my hair looks great!.
Shelly Snipes: What?!
Shelly Snipes: I don't believe this!.
Miss Piggy: Oh! Uh, Shelly.
Shelly Snipes: You back stabbing underhanded little coffe pig.
Miss Piggy: What?
Shelly Snipes: This is my show, my story, my microphone [Shelly takes the microphone and the camera man starts filming her instead of Miss Piggy] This is Shelly Snipes reporting please ignore this little sow [Miss Piggy takes back the microphone and the camera man starts filming her again]
Miss Piggy: Disregard this women I don't know what-- [Shelly pulls her ear] AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Hi-yah! [She hits her in the stomach and tackles her]
Both: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Miss Piggy: [She raps her legs around Shellys head] Wah! [She gets up but Shelly grabs her hair and pulls her down] Wah! Yah! [her legs go flying through the air] :[Shelly also pounds miss piggy then gets up and spits out a weave from miss piggy until she gets sprayed by her]
Shelly Snipes: What am I doing?
Miss Piggy: Um, you are about to give me your job and give everyone here a cup of coffee.
Shelly Snipes: Oh yes of course right away.
Miss Piggy: I love this stuff.
Singer: [to himself] Where is he?
Agent Rentro: I didn't overhear anything...
Singer: [looks up] Did I ask you if you overheard anything?
Agent Rentro: [guilty] No, sir.
Singer: Because if you did overhear anything, l'm sure you would tell me.
Agent Rentro: Yes, sir.
Singer: Or do I have to remind you of Mr. Jumbo's Circus Town and Wild Animal Revue? [Rentro looks afraid] [angrily] Where's he going?! [Rentro stays silent] Oh, look; Sunday's half price at the petting zoo...!
Agent Rentro: Okay, okay! They're going to Cape Doom!
Singer: Good, good. Get me the Subatomic Neutro-Destabilizer. [Rentro looks at him blankly] The Subatomic Neutro... [gives up] Oh, the really big gun.
Agent Rentro: The really big gun! Yes, sir! The really big gun... [retrieves it from a secret compartment, and hands it to Singer] Really big gun.
Singer: [holds out hand] Clip.
Agent Rentro: [hands it to him] Clip!
[Singer loads the gun]
Singer: Let's head for my car.
Agent Rentro: [stops] Oh. Problem there, sir. [Singer stops] Remember those parking tickets you asked me to take care of for you? And I said that-
Singer: Oh, just say it.
Agent Rentro ...Car's impounded. [Singer glares at him] Oh, we can take my company car!
Singer: ...Fine.
Agent Rentro: Great! ♪Sixty-six bottles of beer on the wall, Sixty-six bottles of beer...♪
Singer: Excuse me. Excuse me! Can this thing go any faster?
Agent Rentro: I'm doing 30. You want to slow down there, buddy? A lot of traffic tonight, sir. Safety first.
[After Singer's gun fails to fire at Gonzo and his family]
Kermit: [relieved] That was a close one.
Agent Rentro: Not as close as you think, my friend. [holds up gun clip] [imitating gun:] "Please load weapon"!
[last lines]
Gonzo: What a great day! That was probably the best day of my whole life! [pause] But, there's one' thing I don't understand.
Kermit: What's that, Gonzo?
Gonzo: Why did they ask me to build a Jacuzzi?
[Pepe chuckles]

Cast

Muppet actors

External links

Wikipedia
Wikipedia
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