My Parents Are Aliens

My Parents Are Aliens (1999-2006) is a British comedy airing on CiTV. The show follows the lives of a group of orphaned children and their eccentric alien foster parents.

Unidentified episode

Josh: All this time he could have turned me in, but he hasn't.

Brian: Yeah, what an idiot!

That was in crazy for you

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Lucy: You think you're a better father than God?

Brian: Put it this way, he didn't exactly save his son from the Romans, did he? (looks worried) Don't worry, Lucy, if they come for you, I've got a plan.

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Brian: Today we plant the seeds of doubt, tomorrow we water the flowers of insanity.

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/

Pete: So, tomorrow's the big date.

Mel: Date?

Josh: [quickly] Fight.

Mel: Pete wants to fight?

Josh Barker: With me. Pete wants to fight with me. He said it to me.

Mel: But he was looking at me.

Josh: He's got a squint.

Operation Date

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Psychiatrist: Where were you originally from?

Sophie: [morphed as Mel] Nowhere. I-I mean, Earth.

Crazy for you

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Trent: I merely encouraged a selection of fabulous ingredients to have a taste party at gas mark delicious.

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Brian: Cupid hath peirthed their heartth with hith arrowth.

Sophie: Thorry?

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[Sophie snatches a pair of pants from Lucy.]

Sophie: Those are my pants.

[Brian snatches a bra from Lucy.]

Brian: And that's my bra!

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Brian: Shakespeare, by Romeo and Juliet.

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[Sophie describes the wedding ring she wants.]

Sophie: Something with gold and diamonds.

Brian: Something like that, yeah.

Sophie: No, something with gold and diamonds.

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[Brian has just grown antlers.]

Brian: I am half-man, half-moose! I am a moose-man!

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Brian: Prick me! Do I not bleed?

Josh: Yeah, but it's green.

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Josh: Your pants are on fire!

Gavin: Are you calling me a liar, Barker?

Josh: No, I'm saying your trousers are technically aflame.

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[Brian is talking on the phone.]

Brian: Hello there. Do you have any dragons? [pause] Well, do you have anything that looks like a dragon? [pause] A lizard, you say? Does it breathe fire? [pause] No. Well, okay, can I come and chop off its head anyway? [pause] Actually, I'm not sure it's possible to do that to yourself.

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Lucy: Apart from your foul cooking, you're the best mother we've ever had.

Sophie: What — even better than your real one?

Lucy: Well, I wouldn't know much about that.

Sophie: But I probably am.

[Lucy glares.]

Sophie: Or...maybe not. Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard

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Alien Sophie: We're the alien freaks and she's the one eating the pencil!

Sophie: (Snapping out of her state of confusion)it's them they're aliens

Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard

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Dinesh: [angrily] Hab SoSlI' Quch!

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Selena: I didn't know you fancied Duncan.

Jaq: I don't.

Selena: Then why are you blushing?

Jaq: I'm not. It's a rash; I'm allergic to you.

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Jaq: You look like the mutant offspring of Paris Hilton and a polar bear!

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Trent: (sarcastically) My life changed the day I got my tongue stuck in my dad's DVD player.

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Trent: I wouldn't say I made this. I'd say I merely invited a range of fabulous ingredients to have a party in your taste buds at gas mark delicious.

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Josh: Sometimes, Brian, it's like I'm talking to myself.

Brian: Yeah, I get that! Mostly when I'm on my own...

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[Wendy is talking about Justin Timberlake.]

Wendy: Oh Yes he's very entertaining — if you have the intellect of a cauliflower.

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[Mel calls for Lucy on the phone.]

Brian: Yes?

Mel: Brian, it's Mel. Put Lucy on.

Brian: We're in the middle of a conversation. Don't interrupt, it's rude.

(Brian Slams the Phone down) Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard

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(After Crashing on earth)

Sophie: Where are we?

Brian: Somewhere near the Coast

Sophie: Great Brian, Now what do we do?!

(Brian and Sophie look at each other)

Sophie: Children's Home?

Brian: Right Behind Ya!

A deleted scene from Aliens Go Home (which was re-used for the end of Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard where Brian and Sophie re-crash on Earth)

(After receiving the annual Knitting For Boys 'Big Knit' award)

Brian': It's more than a prize! It's telling me who I really am!

Josh': A 'big nit'?

Pret-A-Brian