Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? (season 2)

Season 2

Funding Spiels

Opening

Chief: Today's caper is presented by WQED Pittsburgh, and WGBH Boston. Carmen's gang is bankrolled by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by Viewers Like You.

Another announcer: And by Delta Airlines. Because at Delta, We love to fly and it shows.

Closing

Chief: This program was bankrolled by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by Viewers Like You.

Another announcer: And by Delta Airlines. Because at Delta, We love to fly and it shows.

Opening sequence

Chief: Today's episode, (Insert episode title)!

[Rockapella scatting]

[Chief gives out the instructions to the gumshoe about the villain and their crime]

[Scene change to the opening sequence with the camera zooming over to a bunch of applauding studio audience]

Chief: All of these people want to know! (In Disturbing the Heavenly Piece, She went "Have no fear, The Celebrity Gumshoes are here today on,")

Rockapella: (singing as we see an animated graphic of Carmen walking, and gets flashed into the title logo) Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

Chief: And one of these Gumshoes could find her!

[One of the Rockapella calls out the names of the gumshoe]

Chief: And here he is, The ACME agent who is in charge of new recruit, Greg Lee!

Closing byline

Chief: All geographic information were accurate as of the date this program was recorded.

Carmen's Final Location

Double Trouble: We're doin' the jailhouse rock. But it just isn't a party without Carmen Sandiego. You'll find her in (continent). (Version A)
Vic: If I gotta make one more license plate, I'm gonna melt my polyester! Go get Carmen to help me! She's in (continent). (Version A)
Robo: RoboCrook in jail? Carmen's still free? Illogical. Does not compute. Look for Carmen in (continent). (Version A)
Grunge: Hey! I've got some good dirt for ya. Then again, all dirt is good. Anyway, Carmen Sandiego is in (continent). (coughs and sneezes) (Version A)
Patty: This jail is so neat. All the colors match! Gray, gray and gray. I want Carmen to enjoy it, too. Look for her in (continent). (Version A)
Eartha: This is Eartha Brute calling. All I do here in jail is split rocks. I've never been so happy in all my life. Bring Carmen over to share in the fun. You'll find her in (continent). (Version A)
Wonder Rat: Nobody here in jail appreciates my classic good looks! Get Carmen in here! She loves me! You'll find her in (continent). (Version B)
Vic: Carmen's commitin' crimes while I'm penned up in prison, playin' poker for peanuts! You can find Carmen in (continent). (Version B)
Wonder Rat: If there's one thing a rat can do, it's rat! If you wanna find Carmen Sandiego, sniff around (continent). (Version A)
Patty: Carmen's still free and I'm not! Well, she can just go to fiddlesticks. Better yet, she can go to jail. To arrest her, go to (continent). (Version B)
Kneemoi: Gee, another amazing Earth concept. Jail! I must show this to Carmen. Look for her in (continent).
Grunge: I'm gettin' lonely here in jail. Me without Carmen is like a dog without a flea. (coughs) You'll find her in (continent). (sneezes) (Version B)
Robo: It really burns my fuses that Carmen is still free. To find her, scan (continent). (Version B)
Double Trouble: The warden threw a party in the county jail. The prison band was there and they began to wail... for Carmen Sandiego. Go find her in (continent). (Version B)
Eartha: Gee, I'm mad at Carmen! She's out there, running around, and having fun, while I'm stuck in jail! You'll find her in (continent). (Version B)
Double Trouble: We're partying in prison, and we crave Carmen's company. Look for her in (continent). (Version C)

Disturbing the Heavenly Peace [2.1]

[Double Trouble steal Tiananmen Square.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's detachment of diabolical desperados has struck again. This time, they glommed a gate in Beijing, China. In 1989, Tiananmen Square was a site of a brutal government crackdown against student demonstrators. The square is named for Tiananmen, which means the gate of heavenly peace. It was built in the 15th century, and then rebuilt in the 17th century. Tiananmen marks the entrance to the Forbidden City. In centuries past, only the emperor could enter the city through the gate's central passageway. But today, the heavenly peace was disturbed. Double Trouble, Carmen's gate-crashing party boys made a royal entrance into Beijing, grabbed the gate, and made a fast exit. Your mission, gumshoes: double up on Double Trouble, bring Tiananmen back to Beijing, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Chief: (After Double Trouble's profile) Pilfering and partying are the primary preferences of this pair of perpetrators.

Conrad Knuckle: (as the Chief) Greg, in my office on the double.

Greg: Okay, Chief. I'll be right there. You guys stay here. I wanna check with her. Gotta fix that sound. (enters the office) Chief, what's up?

Conrad: Greg, what's the latest on Carmen Sandiego?

Greg: Whoa, Chief. (imitates Conrad) "What's the latest on Carmen Sandiego?". (normal voice) You sound kinda weird today. What's with your voice?

Conrad: Well, Greg, that's because I'm not myself.

Greg: Okay, if you're not yourself,... then who are ya?!

Conrad: I'm Conrad Knuckle, joint director for E.M.C.A., another anti-crime agency.

Greg: EMCA? Hey, wait a minute, that's ACME spelled backwards.

Conrad: Yes. I've taken over the Chief's mind for awhile.

Greg: Well, when are you gonna stop being Conrad Knuckle, (furiously) and start being my beloved Chief again?!

Conrad: All right! As soon as I make this offer to your gumshoes. My organization, EMCA, will send whoever catches Carmen on a free trip to the sausage packing room of Mueller's meat company in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin.

Greg: Gee, Conrad, that's a nice offer, but it's not really the ACME way. I'm not sayin' it's a bad deal or anything. I'm just--

Conrad: What do you suggest?

Greg: Well, how about offering a trip to anywhere in North America to the gumshoe who captures Carmen Sandiego?

Conrad: Hmm, yeah. That might be better incentive than the meat thing. Okay. Anywhere in North America, it is.

Greg: Great.

Conrad: Now, to get me to leave the Chief's body, you must hit my shoulder repeatedly with a squeaking toy hammer.

Greg: Well, what a coincidence. (pulls one out of his jacket) Just happen to have one right here. (starts hitting the shoulder)

Chief: Greg! What on earth are you doing?!

Greg: Chief, you're back. Hi. See, your body was filled with Conrad Knuckle. He's the head of EMCA which is still good guys, but it's ACME spelled backwards, and he said I, uh, had to hit you with this. (hands the Chief the squeaking toy hammer) I'm gonna go-- Glad you're back. (exits the office)

Greg: (in feminine voice) Okay. Back to work.

(he reacts and hits himself with the hammer)

Greg: (normal voice) Okay. Back to work.

Greg: (after the Chief chases Sean and Elliot before the Chase) (laughs) My favorite part of the show.

Rockapella: (each time Tiananmen Square is revealed in the 2nd round)

Asian burglary!

Ragin' Asian!

Tension's mounting!

Pressure's building!

Go, Lindsey!

Go, Santhosh!

Go, team, go!

Jeremy: Hello? No! You cannot be on Growing Pains. Oh. (to Lindsey) It's for you. (hands Lindsey the phone)

Lindsey: Hello?

(the twins tell her to go to Asia)

Greg: So what did they say?

Lindsey: Um… Asia!

Greg: …Asia!

Jeremy: …Asia!

Greg: So that means you and I are going to… Asia!

Jeremy: …Asia!

Chief: You've done great work today. (knocks on her desk) And we're proud of you. A-- (notices that the screen isn't popping up) WALTER!! (the screen pops up with the Chief's magnifying glass) I hereby upgrade you. (she grabs her magnifying glass) You are now a Sleuth! (holds her magnifying glass in front of her eye) Congratulations!

The Immigration Station Perpetration [2.2]

[Double Trouble steal Ellis Island]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's band of belligerent buckaroos are back in the saddle again. This time, they've heisted a hunk of historic heritage from New York Harbor. Ellis Island was the most immigration processing station in the United States. Between 1892 and 1954, more than 16 million newcomers arrived at the dots of this small, partly artificial island in New York Harbor. In fact, about half of the employees here at ACME have grandparents or great-grandparents who came through this country through Ellis. In 1990, thanks to the efforts of a commission, headed by Lee Iacocca, the new Ellis Island Museum of Immigration was opened to preserve the story of their arrival for future generations. But now, this famed gateway to America has been yanked off its hinges. Double Trouble, Carmen's dual devious delinquents, parasailed into New York Harbor, dropped a net over Ellis Island, then speedboated away. Your mission, gumshoes: burst Double Trouble's bubble, return Ellis Island to New York Harbor, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Greg: Oh, uh, usually, I get a call from the Chief about this... (sees on the monitor that she is absent from her office) ...time, but-- Chief? She's not there. Lemme go-- Just lemme go check on her. I'm gonna find out. You guys stay here. Just wanna find out. (enters the office) Chief! Hey, Chief! That's funny. The Chief isn't even in here. (sees a note on her desk) Wait a minute. What's this? It's a letter. (sits down; reads letter) It says: "Dear Chief, This is good-bye? I can no longer stand by where you devote all your time to capturing Carmen. What could've been will never be, because what could be can't be, if you won't be and I can't be. So good-bee..." I mean, "-bye. Signed, Horace. P.S.: I can never get used to calling you Chief." Ah! That is so sad! Oh! But I guess that's the price ya pay when ya dedicate your life to fighting crime.

(the Chief returns, wiping her eye)

Chief: Oh, Greg, I'm sorry I'm late.

Greg: Oh, Chief, that's okay.

Chief: I had something in my eye.

Greg: Well, that's perfectly understandable. It sure is. Yes, it is understandable.

Chief: What do you mean it's understandable?

Greg: Well, Chief, you know, I had my heart broken, too. Yeah. Her name was Patti Fitzbingling-Enhoffendorffer. I called her Patti. And not a day goes by when I still don't think about her, except maybe yesterday, and of course, Tuesday, I didn't think about her...

Chief: Greg, what are you blathering about?!

Greg: Well, Chief, we saw the letter, and, you know...

Chief: Oh. That! Oh. (laughs) This is a letter I got when I was just a little Chieflet in the 2nd grade. It's scrap paper! What's important is what I wrote on the back.

Greg: (sees the back of the letter) I see. ACME Memo. (reads) "To all Gumshoes, regarding reward, the agent who captures Carmen Sandiego will get a free trip anywhere in North America."

(applause)

Greg: That's great, Chief. Yeah. Uh, Chief, by the way, whatever happened to Horace? Did he get married? Or...

Chief: Go away, Greg.

Greg: Maybe it's too personal.

Chief: Greg?

Greg: Okay.

(he exits the office, and the Chief pulls out a hidden picture and looks at it in tears)

Chief: Horace.

(as for Greg, he comes out of the office, crying; the audience groans in sorrow)

Greg: Patti. (blows his nose, wipes his tears, and returns to work) Okay, Gumshoes!

Rockapella: (each time Ellis Island is revealed in the 2nd round; the first three are parts of the "Gilligan's Island" theme song)

A three hour tour!

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale!

The movie star!

The Loot!

The Blarney Burglary [2.3]

[Vic the Slick steals the Blarney Stone]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her consortium of cretinous creeps have struck again. This time, the deed was done on the Emerald Isle. Blarney, a tiny village just outside of Cork City, has a reputation much bigger than its size. That's because its ruined castle is home to the famed Blarney Stone. Legend says if you kiss the stone, you'll be able to charm and deceive people with your words. In other words, you'll be full of Blarney. Supposedly, this superstition started because Queen Elizabeth I of England asked the castle owner Cornac McDermott McCarthy to surrender the place. For years, he strung her along with flattering words and soft speech, and she never got the castle. One day, fed up with his excuses, the Queen cried, "What? More Blarney?" Folks who want McCarthy gifts of Blarney have been bending over backwards to kiss the stone ever since. Or they were until Vic the Slick, Carmen Sandiego's sleazy salesperson, blundered into town and plundered the stone. Gumshoes, your mission is to get that rock to Emerald Isle, stick Vic in the slammer quick, and then catch Carmen Sandiego.

Chief: (after Vic's Profile) He thinks he's a high living playboy, but he's really just a low rent hustler.

Chief: (as her office tilts to the left) Greg, come into my office.

Greg: Right, Chief. I'll be right there. You guys stay here. I wanna check with her. Looks like this may be serious. Be right back. (enters the office) Chief,-- (the office tilts to the right) Whoa! Chief, what's happenin' today?

Chief: Well, the office is being balanced today.

Greg: Balanced?

Chief: Mm-hmm.

Greg: What do you mean balanced?

Chief: Well, as a building gets older, it settles usually unevenly and every few years, the ACME Balancing Bureau. They come in and they rebalance my office.

Greg: No kiddin'.

Chief: Yeah.

Greg: (wiggles around, which causes the office to do the same) It's somethin'. (laughs)

Chief: Yeah. Uh, how close are you to nabbing Carmen?

Greg: Well, that's a very good question, Chief. You know, she can be very elusive sometimes. Sometimes, she's over here. (runs the left side of the office and it tilts in that direction)

Chief: Whoa!

Greg: And we think we've got her and (runs back to the right and the office tilts in that direction) we've gotta move back over this way and she's right-- You feelin' okay there, Chief? You look maybe sick.

Chief: I get the point, Greg.

Greg: I would hope so, Chief. You know, sometimes, when I think it's some of the capers she's pulled, it turns my stomach, too.

Chief: Yeah.

Greg: Uh, what do you think we oughta give the gumshoe that captures Carmen Sandiego? You know, I've been thinkin' about this and part of me sayin-- (he is about to make the office tilt to the left, but the Chief stops him)

Chief: Greg. Let's give the gumshoe who nabs Carmen Sandiego a free trip to anywhere in North America! (applause)

Greg: That's good.

Chief: Yeah.

Greg: That's good. Because that way (runs to the left) when she's over here.

Chief: Greg!

Greg: We're gonna know when she's right there. And then right before she moves, (runs to the right) we'll be right over there. Chief, you don't look so good.

Chief: Greg, I'll feel a lot better when you go away.

Greg: Chief, someday you're gonna miss me. (runs to the left and back to the right and exits the office)

Vic: Carmen, I don't know about this Blarney Stone. It hasn't changed the way I talk at all.

Carmen: That's because you're already full of Blarney, Vic. Listen. Head for the rocky cliffs of the Monterey Peninsula. This area used to supply sand to the golf courses all over the country.

Vic: Hey, I love Golf!

Carmen: You'll be near the town where celebrities come every year to Golf in the National Pro-Am tournament. Bing Crosby founded the tourney in 1936.

Vic: Hey, I love Bing, too. (sings "White Christmas") I'm dreamin' of a White Christmas. (laughs)

Greg: Hmmm, usually that song puts me in a very festive mood, but now I'm a little nauseous.

Plastic Diver Guy: Vic just hid the Blarney Stone in the Charles River. He's in a city that's home to hundreds of thousands of Irish-Americans, and they've seen their share of Blarney. During the 1920's, Mayor James Curley sweet-talked his way into office, even though he was indicted for fraud.

Greg: Was he convicted?

Plastic Diver Guy: He spent the first 5 months of his mayoral term in jail. It's also home to that snooty PBS station that wouldn't hire me to host NOVA, even though I begged!

Greg: Now, come on. That is a very lengthy process.

Plastic Diver Guy: Uh-oh! Greg! It's the ominous music! Oh, no! It's too late! It's... IT'S...! (he suddenly gargles when a huge doll lands on him)

Rockapella: The one and only Plastic Diver Guy!

(applause)

Greg: Plastic Diver Guy!

Rockapella: (as the Blarney Stone is revealed) Blarney Rubble!

What's What With Watts? [2.4]

[Kneemoi steals the Watts Tower from Los Angeles]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's horde of harsh-hearted harpies has struck again. This time, they heinously ham-fisted their way into L.A. In a Los Angeles neighborhood called Watts stands a fantastic triple spires sculpture called Watts Towers. Two of the three towers rise almost 100 feet. Begun about 1921, the towers took 33 years to build. They're made of broken bottles, seashells, shards of tile and china, and all kinds of other scrap parts. Most people didn't recycle back then, but the sculptor was ahead of his time. He was an Italian immigrant named Simon Rodia, and he built them as his personal tribute to the land that took him in. To many residents of this mostly poor urban neighborhood, the towers symbolize hope. In the winter of 1990, Watts Towers was designated a national historic landmark. But now, the landmark is lost because Kneemoi, Carmen's close encounter of the criminal kind, wheezed into Watts, tipped the towers, and towed them away. She said they were just like the flowers on her home planet, Roddenberry. Your mission, gumshoes: neutralize Kneemoi, take back the towers, and then bring Carmen Sandiego to justice.

A Carmen for Carmen (I Only Have Islands For You) [2.5]

[Vic the Slick steals Carmen Island.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's barbaric batch of baboons have struck again. This time, it was a case of Mexican mayhem in the Gulf of California. Eons ago, the peninsula of Baja California broke loose from what is now Mexico and drifted northwest, leaving a few islands in its wake. One of them is a beachcomber's paradise named Carmen. The island is home to beaches, wildlife, an abandoned saltworks, and only one man. He looks after the deserted town of Salinas. But today, the population doubled when Vic the Slick slithered ashore. His boss's birthday is coming up and he figured an island named Carmen would be the perfect gift. Stealing it was the easy part. Wrapping it will be tough. Your mission, gumshoes: show Vic he's not so slick, return the island of Carmen to Mexico, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Carmen: They're on to you, Vic. Hide Carmen Island on Devil's Island in South America.

Vic: You mean the famous prison?

Carmen: It's not a prison anymore. Now tourists go there believe it or not, and it's in the same place that the launch site used by the European space program.

Vic: I didn't know Europe was puttin' people in orbit.

Carmen: Not people. Satellites. The space program is run as a business. They launch satellites for companies and other nations.

Vic: A space business, huh? Geez, those frequent flier miles must really add up.

Joey: Okay, gumshoes. Look for Vic in Asir National Park. There's hiking, cool temperatures, and mountain scenery, and it's a Mideast nation with one of the world's largest deserts. The desert's about the size of France, but so hot and so dry that almost no one goes there. No wonder Vic headed for the hills, but you gotta keep the heat on.

Rockapella: (each time Carmen Island is revealed in the 2nd round)

Beach booty!

Mr. Lonely!

No cable!

Lost lagoon!

Far from Greg's house!

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale!

Lookin' for an island!

Lil' buddy!

Let's go to Greg's house!

No Brainer [2.6]

[RoboCrook steals a Brain Institute.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her slew of smarmy smugglers have struck again. This time, they burgled a batch of brains in Russia. Moscow's Academy of Medical Sciences is home to a unique group of laboratories, the Brain Institute. For nearly 70 years, scientists there have collected the brains of deceased poets, painters, physicists, and presidents. That grey matter has been sliced, diced, pickled, and tickled, all in an effort to determine whether great minds are anatomically different from the average brain on the street. The lists of noggins in a jar reads like a who's who of the former Soviet union. There's Vladimir Lenin, founder of the Soviet state, tyrannical dictator Joseph Stalin, writer Maxim Gorky, and poet Vladimir Mayakovsky to name a few. There are even animal brains including those of an Indian elephant and a Mississippi alligator. If you're a fan of frontal lobes, if you crave cortex, if you're serious about cerebellum, this is a place to be. Or it was until Robocrook, that pilfering pile of artificial stupidity, raided the institute and cribbed crania. Gumshoes, your mission is to bring in Robocrook, bring back the brains, and then bring down Carmen Sandiego.

Contractor: You guys are great. You know what else I like? I like every day, (to Greg) when you come into the office here, (to the Chief) and you tell him (Greg) to...

Greg and The Chief: "Go away.". (they all laugh, and the contractor heads back to work)

Greg: Well, he really likes that part.

Chief: You, too.

Greg: Yes, ma'am. (he exits the office)

Greg: I tell ya, Norm Abram would be proud! (laughter)

(Rockapella parodies "The Brady Bunch" theme song)

Scott: Here's the story of the Florida city...

That was founded back in 1824.

As the capital of the territory.

Who could ask for more?

It's a college town, and Robo's got the brains.

At FSU and ANM, he stopped for lunch.

Then he did a little fishing at Lake Jackson.

And that's where Robo stashed the Brainy Bunch.

Sean: Oh, the Brainy Bunch.

Scott and Elliot: Brainy Bunch.

Sean: The Brainy Bunch.

Scott and Elliot: Brainy Bunch.

All: That is where Robo stashed the Brainy Bunch!

Sean: Oh, yeah!

All: Ba-da ba-da ba-ba-da-bop!

Greg: Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen!

Greg: (about Robo during The Chase round) He hid out in the capital of Georgia. Name it. (Kristyna buzzes in)

Greg: Kristyna?

Kristyna: What is Atlanta? (laughter)

Greg: Atlanta's right! Welcome to Jeopardy! and Carmen Sandiego.

Greg: (imitates Alex Trebek's voice) Hi. I'm Alex Trebek, and now it's time for final clue of this round (normal voice) which means you have to decide how much you wanna to risk.

Rockapella: Goin' out of my head over you!

The Autobahn Con [2.7]

[Grunge steals the Autobahn]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her mob of mulish miscreants have marauded again. The dirty deed was done in Deutschland. Begun in the 1930s, the Autobahn was the world's first attempt at creating a national highway system. Today, it winds some 10,000 miles throughout Germany, and is thought to be the only major highway in the world without a speed limit. Well, today, Top Grunge grind his way to Germany and got a grip on the famous roadway. It will be sad faces and slow driving all over the land until their beloved Autobahn is returned. Gumshoes, your mission is to release the Autobahn from bondage, topple Top Grunge, and then capture crime queen Carmen Sandiego.

Grunge: Wow. What a great road. No speed limit! (laughs)

Carmen: Stop laughing and start leaving, asphalt breath. I want you to haul the highway to N'Djamena. It's the capital of a landlocked African nation.

Grunge: I don't know, Carmen. Ain't there a war goin' on?

Carmen: No. The Muslim nomads in the north and the non-Muslim farmers in the south used to fight each other, but that's over. If the city's too risky, head north to the mountains of the Sahara Desert. And get a camel their blanket. It's cold there.

Grunge: Sounds kinda itchy, Carmen. You know how sensitive my skin is.

Carmen: That's only because you never washed it.

(garbled audio)

Greg: 'Scuse me just one moment. I think I'm getting a message from Kafka. (sets off for The Roach Hotel) Let's check into The Roach Hotel.

Kafka: Greg, hi. You caught me eating lunch. Anyway, Grunge is on a Peninsula in the Atlantic. Where birds from all over stop on their way south every year. Humans seem to like it, too. The town on the Peninsula's tip is full of lovely Victorian boarding houses and Hotels. The birds like it. The humans like it, but it just isn't damp and stinky enough for a roach like me. Speaking of damp and stinky, I love these things. They're awful.

The Cave Art Caper [2.8]

[Patty Larceny steals the Lascaux Cave paintings.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her pack of pusillanimous punks have pounced again. This time, they cause a fracas in France. Back on September 12, 1944, boys near Montignac, France spent an afternoon exploring underground caverns. And look what they found on the rock walls inside: 600 paintings, 1500 engravings, and innumerable dots and figures and... Scientists later determined that the images of deer, bison, lions, horses, and a human had ben created 17,000 years ago. These beautiful graceful figures are the clearest, most direct evidence we have of what life was like for humans of the Stone Age. The caverns are now known as the Lascaux Caves, and the young men made one of the great discoveries of the century. But today, Patty Larceny pulled one of the gravest crimes of the century. She crawled into the cave and pinched all the paintings. Apparently, she plans to sign her name to them and turn them in as her art project in school. Gumshoes, your mission is to put Patty in the pin, put the paintings back in the cave, and then put an end to Carmen Sandiego's crime spree.

Chief: (after Patty's Profile is shown) She's the most dangerous criminal who ever polished an apple.

Chief: Oh. Excuse me. You've got to grab a bite to eat when you can on this job. Hmm? I just can't resist a plate of fried shrimp. But, let's get down to business. Patty Larceny was last seen in a city on the northwestern shore of the Gulf of Mexico. Now, this area is home to many Vietnamese families who move there during the 1970s and 80s from their war-torren homeland. Because of the warm weather in costal locations, a lot of these immigrants went back into the business they had left behind in Asia. (about her fried shrimp) Shrimping, hmm? Now, Patty might hide the paintings behind the 10-mile long seawall, built to protect the city from hurricanes. Now, you catch her before those priceless pictures are washed away!

Greg: Thanks, Chief. Will do. Uh, enjoy your lunch.

Greg: (about the Stool Pigeon) Yeah, yeah. He just can't seem to keep his beak shut!

Greg: All right gumshoes… (Acts disgusted) Pardon me, I'm better now.

Chief: (in a high squeaky voice) Greg, come into my office. And hurry!

Greg: Okay, Chief. I'll-- I'll be right there. You guys wanna stay here. Uh, looks like the Chief might need me. (enters the office) Chief?! Hey, Chief... Wow, that's odd. WHOA! Look at the size of that bug on the Chief's desk! I'll squash it with this book.

Chief: No, Greg! No! No! No! It's me! The Chief!

Greg: Chief?! That's you?! That's an amazing disguise! How'd you get so tiny?!

Chief: The gang at ACME Shrinking-Things Net accidentally shrunk me, so, uh, the effects haven't worn off yet.

Greg: Well, that's too bad, Chief. I guess you could say they made a *tiny* mistake.

Chief: Greg.

Greg: It was just a little joke, Chief. Come on! Look on the bright side. You'll never be late cuz you know all the shortcuts. (laughs)

Chief: Greg?

Greg: Come on, you can always get work as a short-order cook! (laughs)

Chief: That will be quite enough, Greg! Now, listen. You go back and tell the gumshoes, that the one who captures Carmen Sandiego will get an all-expenses-paid trip to anywhere in North America!

Greg: That's good, Chief. A little *wee* bit of incentive. (laughs)

Chief: You're making me mad, Greg!

Greg: Now, Chief, don't get short-tempered! I mean, you can always get into the movies for half-price, and you'll be the last one to know that it's raining.

(all of a sudden, the Chief returns to her normal size)

Chief: Greg?

Greg: Uh... H-h-hi, Chief?

(the Chief kneels down before him)

Chief: Go away!

(Greg exits the office)

Greg: Didn't really matter. I was outta small jokes anyway.

Carmen: The gumshoes are after you, Patty. Take the cave paintings to the northernmost part of the Indian Ocean.

Patty: Is it a gulf?

Carmen: No, it's a sea.

Patty: But I thought a sea was an inland body of saltwater.

Carmen: Not this one. It's part of the ocean that extends into the continent.

Patty: But that's a gulf!

Carmen: It looks like a gulf, but it's called a sea! See?

Patty: Si. Uh, I mean, yes.

Carmen: Good. Cruise up the coast of Oman. Maybe ACME will think you're just another oil-tanker.

Patty: Carmen, who do you think I am, Top Grunge?

Cree: Patty Larceny, you just flunked current events! EEEHHH! Thanks for playing Patty.

Charnelle: EEEHHH!

Chief: They named a small hill after one sibling, a road after another, but, the oldest son, Kyi, they named the whole town after him, Kiev. Now, this will come as no surprise to anyone who has a big brother.

(an image of a decaying skeleton is shown)

Chief: Talk to our agent on the inside. He's been there for quite awhile, so he knows what's up. And don't let the disguise fool you, he's a heck of a dancer! And now, you'd better to some fancy stepping too, gumshoes. Patty and the Lascaux Cave paintings are in Kiev. Go get 'em.

Rockapella: (each time the Lascaux Cave paintings are revealed in the 2nd round)

Lascaux Van Gough!

Subterranean Scratchings!

Barry: Gentlemen, dip your brushes.

Greg: (laughs) What?!

Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? and remember: If you're a villain, we'll burst your bubble. When crooks meet ACME, their troubles double!

Trouble On Tanganyika [2.9]

[Eartha Brute steals the Liemba Ferry.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's ring of reprehensible reprobates have struck again. This time, they filched a ferry on Lake Tanganyika in Africa. The MV Liemba is one of the world's oldest operating steamboats. It runs up and down Lake Tanganyika between the towns of Bujumbura, Burundi, Kigoma, Tanzania, and Mpulungu, Zambia. But the boat is extra important to the smaller villages along the route, most of which have no other public transportation. If you lived, for instance, in its village of Lagosa, that ferry might be your only connection with the rest of the world. The boat was built in 1914, sunk during World War I, salvaged in the 1920s, and has been running ever since. But now, this faithful ferry floats no more. Eartha Brute, Carmen's herculean hooligan, sucked the lake dry, shanghaied the ship, and then carried it away. Your mission, gumshoes: put Brute behind bars, liberate the Liemba, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Chief: (as her phone rings constantly) Greg, come here to my office.

Greg: Yes, ma'am. I'll-- I'll be right there. You guys stay here. I wanna check with her. Somethin' strange is goin' on. (he enters the office) Chief, your phone's ringing.

Chief: Yes. It's been ringing all day. But whenever I pick it up, there's no one on the other end!

Greg: I hear it. Let me try it. (picks up the phone) ACME Crime Net! Yeah. She's right here. (hands the phone to the Chief) It's for you, Chief.

Chief: (to phone) Hello? (firmly) Hello? (furiously) Hello?! D'oh! (hangs up) They did it again! It's probably Carmen up to her old tricks. You know, it's a fine mess when I can't answer my own phone.

Greg: Chief, wait a minute. There's somethin' in your ear. That's why--

Chief: What?

Greg: There's something in your ear!

Chief: Oh, there is?

Greg: Yeah. Lemme-- You want me to get it out? (pulls out an earplug) Oh. Oh. Oh, Chief, no wonder you couldn't hear. You had an earplug in your ear.

Chief: (laughs) Of course. It was noisy last night, and I put in my earplugs. That's much better.

Greg: I bet so. Yeah. Now, is there anything you want me to tell my Gumshoes today?

Chief: Yes. Tell them if Carmen is put behind bars, the Gumshoe packs her in the slammer will get a free trip anywhere in North America!

(applause)

Greg: That is good news, Chief.

Chief: Listen. You get out there. Get back to work, Greg. Huh?

Greg: Yes, ma'am. Okay.

Chief: Oh, and one-- By the way, could you get this one out?

Greg: Oh, yeah. Sure. Lemme see. Oh.

Chief: Yeah.

Greg: Oh. (pulls out the other earplug and brings it with him as he exits the office) Oh, okay. Oh.

Chief: Oh.

Greg: Bye, Chief.

Chief: Ooh, yeah. Bye.

Rockapella: (chatter like the Beatles)

Greg: Wait a minute. I'm getting a Fab 4 kinda feeling and I think we're drawn to this television. (turns a knob bellow the monitor, then hits the side and Rockapella appear on it dressed as The Beatles and perform a parody of "Yesterday")

Rockapella (singing to the tune of the "Chattanooga Choo-Choo" as the Liemba Ferry is revealed in the 2nd round): Pardon me, boys, is that the Tanganyika Ferry, Greggie?

Greg: (laughs) The Beatles, ladies and gentlemen.

(phone rings and Greg answers it)

Greg: Do you wanna take it or should I?

Daniel: You can take it.

Greg: I'll take it first. Hello? No, you don't want me. Okay. (hands Daniel the phone) They never want me.

Daniel: Hello? (Eartha tells Daniel to go to Asia)

Greg: (sees Daniel trip and fall) Oh! Careful. (he runs to him) You all right? Come on. You all right? Come on. You got it? (buzzer sounds) Oh, are you okay, buddy?

Daniel: Yeah.

Greg: Okay. How many did you get there? You got how many? How many? 6 in 45 seconds. You guys, give him the biggest round of applause you possibly can.

Greg: (holds up the red siren light of a broken marker) We have the head here! We almost got her!

Bad Day On Broadway [2.10]

[Double Trouble steal the Tony Awards.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's pack of pestiferous picaroons has struck again. They burgled beneath the bright lights of Broadway in New York City. The ultimate prize in movies is the Oscar. For television, it's the Emmy. But for a Broadway theater, the Tony Award reigns supreme. The awards were established in 1947 by the American Theater Wing, a nonprofit organization that promotes theater in America. They were named Tony in honor of Antoinette Perry, an actress, director, and producer. Each spring, the Tonys are presented live on Broadway before a television audience of millions of viewers worldwide. But now, the bright lights of Broadway have dimmed in despair because the Tonys are gone. That dastardly duo known as Double Trouble crashed the ceremony and made off with the mounted medallions. Gumshoes, you've got to derail Double Trouble, return the Tonys to Broadway, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Chief: (upside-down) Greg, come into my office.

Greg: Yes, ma'am. I sure will. You guys will stay here. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. (enters the office, where it has been turned upside-down) Chief, what are you doin' on the ceiling?

Chief: I was just about to ask you the same question.

Greg: I'm on the floor, Chief.

Chief: Oh, no! I must have gotten so upset by Carmen's latest caper that I just flipped!

Greg: Well, what do you want me to do about it?

Chief: Well, you'll have to turn the verto-inverter knob. That should flip me back. It's over by the light switch.

Greg: All right. (goes to the entrance of the office, turns the knob, and the office is turned right-side up. However, Greg is now upside-down as he walks back to the Chief) Ah, Chief, nothin' happened!

Chief: Yes, it did. Now, I'm right-side up and you're upside-down.

Greg: I can't stay like this. What am I gonna tell my gumshoes?

Chief: Well, you can tell them that whoever captures Carmen Sandiego will get a trip to anywhere in North America!

(applause)

Greg: Now, Chief, that's one good thing. Wait a minute, I got an idea. (flips the office upside down and himself right-side up)

Chief: Greg, put me back!

Greg: No.

Chief: Greg, you put me back this minute! (Greg puts his fingers in his ears and sings goofily)

Greg: Can't hear ya, Chief. (continues singing)

Chief: Greg, you get me on the floor, now!

Greg: Nanny-nanny-poo-poo! (he leaves)

Chief: Greg, when I get down on the floor, you have no idea the things that I can do to you. I'm the Chief! You know that we-- (the office is flipped right-side up and Greg is sideways)

Greg: See? I got ya mad. You flipped again. It worked! Whaddaya say, Chief?

Chief: Go away, Greg.

Greg: I think I'm gonna... just... slide on outta here. (slides out of the office) It's really hard on the arches.

Carmen: Take the Tonys to an African country, where theater has been used as a weapon.

Double Trouble: Well, that's a pretty big weapon to carry around, Carmen.

Carmen: Not that kind of weapon. Playwrights like Athol Fugard and Mbongeni Ngema use their words as weapons to fight apartheid.

Double Trouble: Wow! That takes courage.

Carmen: That's right. Now, apartheid is ending and the country's creating a new constitution with equality for all.

Double Trouble: Well, let's give those playwrights a Tony or 2. We've got a ton of 'em.

Carmen: If you flash those awards, the only bright lights you'll see will be on the guard towers in prison.

Double Trouble: Oh, Carmen, you never let us have any fun.

Greg: Too bad, guys.

Rockapella: Filched Follies!

The Boll Weevil Retrieval [2.11]

[Kneemoi steals the Boll Weevil Monument from Enterprise, Alabama.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's crew of craven cretins has struck again. This time, it was a case of evil weevil in Enterprise, Alabama. This is a boll weevil, an insect that damages cotton by laying eggs in the young bud of a plant. A horde of these critters can destroy many acres of cotton. The last thing you'd build a monument to, right? Wrong. This Boll Weevil Monument was erected in Enterprise in 1919. Here's the story: Alabama used to have a one crop economy, and that crop was cotton. But in the early 1900s, the boll weevil got busy. For two years in a row, these hungry little critters ate huge portions of the cotton crop in Coffee County, Alabama before it could be picked. Did the farmers give up hope? Nope, they started raising other things like livestock and peanuts. The state developed a diverse and healthier economy, and wound up more prosperous than it was when they relied on just one crop. And Enterprisians thought it would be nice to thank those esteemed boll weevils for their help. But the insect inspired statue has been stolen. Kneemoi, Carmen's cosmological con artist, beamed into Enterprise, beamed up the monument, and whisked it away. Your mission, gumshoes: neutralize Kneemoi, return the weevil to Enterprise, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Greasy Getaway [2.12]

[Top Grunge steals Nigeria's oil wells.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's gaggle of greedy goody grampers have grabbed once more. This time, it happened in Africa's most populous country, Nigeria. Nigeria's size and strategic location have made it a center of power in Africa for thousands of years. In recent years, its power and success have come from oil. In the 70s, oil production brought new highways, universities, and lots of new money to Nigeria. It also brought political corruption, pollution, and overcrowded cities. In fact, everyone got so busy with the oil industry that farming almost disappeared. But when oil prices crashed in the 80s, the country's economy crashed, too. Well, yesterday, Top Grunge created another problem. He stole all of Nigeria's oil wells. He likes to stay greasy, so he wants to best petroleum supply all to himself. Gumshoes, your job is to grab the greasy geek, return the oil and then arrest that heinous hooligan Carmen Sandiego.

Tango Mysterioso [2.13]

[Kneemoi steals Tango music from Buenos Aires, Argentina.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's band of blasphemous black hearts has struck again. This time, they stole the musical soul from Buenos Aires, Argentina. The Argentines have a rich cultural life reflecting both their European and Native American roots, but if you wanted to sum up their culture with one sound and sight, you might just choose the Tango. The dance and the sensuous brooding music that accompanies it began in the slums of Buenos Aires, and became internationally popular in the 1920s. The fad faded elsewhere, but Argentina developed the Tango into an art form. There are professional exhibitions, dance halls that cater to tangoing couples, and hits tango records. But yesterday, Kneemoi, Carmen's interplanetary instigator, TKO'd the Tango. Just one blast from her subatomic neutralizer and the top tangoers became complete klutzes. Your mission, gumshoes: wrangle the Tango from Kneemoi, return it to Argentina, and then bring Carmen Sandiego to justice.

The Statue Steal (Togo to Go) [2.14]

[Wonder Rat steals the statue of Gnassingbe Eyadema from Sarakawa, Togo]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's pack of pusillanimous punks has prowled again. This time, they clinched their criminal claws around a statue in the African nation in Togo. A monument to a plane wreck might seem strange, but it's one of the main attractions in the town of Sarakawa, Togo. It marks the spot where a plane carrying president Eyadema crashed under very suspicious circumstances in 1974. The president survived the crash and erected and imposing statue of himself at the site. It shows him pointing to the ground and saying, "They almost killed me here." It stood in defiance of the president's enemies until today when Wonder Rat, Carmen's whiskered and witless wannabe, took his tawdry tights to Togo, detached the statue, and scampered away. He left an inflatable Wonder Rat doll in its place. Your mission, gumshoes: snap the trap shut on Wonder Rat, return Edadema's statue to Togo, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Chief: (after Wonder Rat's profile) He's so desperate to promote himself, he'd pose for the photo on a box of rat poison.

Carmen: ACME's about to trap you. Head for a city whose population went from 0 to 10,000 in one day.

Wonder Rat: Holy cheese! Why do they hurry?

Carmen: Because the US government was giving the land away. It's in a state that was called Indian Territory until it was open for settlement. At noon on April 22, 1889, gunshots were fired. That was the signal for thousands of people to charge in and state their claims.

Wonder Rat: So, the government took Indian Territory and gave it away to other people? Nyah, that's stealin'.

Carmen: You oughta know, Cheesemeister. Now, move.

Chief: This marker stands at the southernmost point in the US outside of Hawaii, and-- Oh, now, will you look at that? What? See those two names on top? Someone has thoughtlessly put graffiti on it. Let's try to get a closer look on them. (the camera zooms up closer to the top of the marker) Focus on them. Uh,-- Oh, yes. Sue and Janet. Well, I can't quite make out the last name. Well, Sue and Janet, if you're watching this show, how does it feel to have 5,000,000 people know you have defaced public property?

Rockapella: (to the tune of the Bee-Gee's "Stayin' Alive"; when the statue is revealed) Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive!

The Amazing Boomerang Effect [2.15]

[Robocrook steals Australia's bommerangs]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her brood of bombastic brats have burgled again. This time, they struck in Mudgeeraba, Australia. Now this simple but ingenious device, gumshoes, is a boomerang. Now if you throw it right, it should return to you. Now the boomerang was originally used by Australia's aborigines for hunting warfare and ceremonies. Well, nowadays, it's a popular toy and a souvenir for anyone who visits down under, and this factory in Mudgeeraba, Queensland turns out thousands of them a year. Or it did until this morning when that rustbucket Robocrook marauded to Mudgeeraba and bagged every last boomerang. Gumshoes, your assignment is to wrangle Robocrook, bounce those boomerangs back where they belong, and then catch Carmen Sandiego.

Robo: Carmen, ACME is closing in. Send me somewhere safe.

Carmen: Head for the city of Göteborg by the North Sea. It's in a country where peace and safety are a way of life. It's in the nation of Doug Hammershald, who founded the UN Peacekeeping Force in the middle east.

Robo: So, it's peaceful, but is it safe?

Carmen: Violence is a no-no. It's even illegal for parents to spank their children.

Robo: So, the Gumshoes can't spank me?

Carmen: No, but they can still bust you. Keep out of sight.

Robo: Robocrook transmitting from a correctional institute. Carmen Sandiego presently located in South America. Ta-ta.

School's Out (What Happenda U?) [2.16]

[Patty Larceny steals the University of Costa Rica]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's horde of heisted hooligans has heisted again. This time, they hid a college just outside of San José, Costa Rica. The University of Costa Rica is the nation's largest, oldest, and one of the most prestigious institutes of higher learning. Its some 28,000 students follow a rigorous schedule which begins in February and ends in December. Although similar in many ways a U. S. university, Costa Rican educational requirements are particularly demanding. Students must complete 300 hours of community service and write a thesis or pass a graduate exam in order to earn their degree. Now, school's out for good in Costa Rica because the university has disappeared. Patty Larceny, Carmen's brainy burglarizer, pretended she was taking final exams, but took the whole school instead. Your mission, gumshoes: put the padlock on Patty, return the University of Costa Rica, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Rockapella: (sings to the tune of Alice Cooper's "School's Out") School's out forever!

Greg: Nice job. Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen.

Rockin' Rio Ripoff [2.17]

[Double Trouble steal the Son Libre Recording studio from Rio de Janeiro]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's bevvy of brazen bandoleros has struck again. This time, they've made musical mayhem in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Brazilian pop combines African, European, and American styles into a sound all its own. Stars like band leader Gilberto Gil, songwriter Antônio Carlos Jobim, and singer Laura Thorén have sold millions of discs worldwide, and influence musicians like Paul Simon and David Byrne. Rio de Janeiro is a center of Brazil's music scene. Many a hit is laid down in places like this, the Son Libre Recording studio. Most of Brazil's top players have recorded there. But now, they've had to stop tape because the studio has disappeared. Double Trouble, those matching, misdemeaning mobsters, have stolen the studio and are trying to set their own entertainment empire. Gumshoes, duty calls and your mission is to detain Double Trouble, restore the studio, and snag that scurrilous schemer Carmen Sandiego.

Greg: I guess that Double Trouble are in that very same country.

Rockapella: Good guess, Greg!

Greg: Thank you very much. (laughter)

Chief: Greg, my office, now.

Greg: Yes, ma'am. I'll be right there. You guys stay here. I'm gonna go check with her. Time for my daily chat with the Chief. (enters the office, where the Chief is missing some of her things)

Chief: Greg-- Greg, I feel like I'm going crazy!

Greg: What's the matter, Chief?

Chief: Things are disappearing. Like my ACME Crimenet fountain pen. I had it just now and it's gone. I can't find it.

(a strange hand gives it back)

Greg: Uh, Chief, is this your, uh, fountain pen?

Chief: What? Greg, (Greg laughs) where did you find that?

Greg: I don't know. What else do you need?

Chief: My coffee mug.

Greg: Coffee, uh, mug. (receives it from the hand) Uh, is this it?

Chief: Yes. (Greg laughs) Where did you find--

Greg: Well, I don't know. Uh, what else do you-- Missing, Chief?

Chief: Uh, nothing. No. Um, my piggy bank.

(the hand gives it back)

Greg: Piggy bank. Ha!

Chief: A-ha! Uh-uh. My slot is on the top.

Greg: (throws away the piggy bank) Chief, I knew that.

Chief: Greg, what is going on here.

Greg: Honestly, Chief, I don't know, uh--

(the hand shows a magnifying glass)

Chief: What?

Greg: Oh.

Chief: What? What are you?

Greg: I think he's tryin' to give you a clue, Chief.

Chief: Clues? Oh, the detective... (the hand shows a Carmen hat) who puts Carmen Sandiego... (the hand shows jail bars) behind bars... (the hand shows a small model airplane and hands it to Greg) wins a free trip...

Greg: Can I keep this?

Chief: No. (the hand shows a map of North America) anywhere... in North America!

(applause and confetti falls on the two)

Greg: Oh, Chief, now that is great, huh? Uh-- (the hand motions for Greg to go away) Oh, look. Uh, I think tryin' to tell me somethin'. Scratch my back.

Chief: No, no, no, Greg. Go away. (Greg exits the office) Go away. (mouths "Go away." to the audience)

Greg: Hey guys, check it out. I got this cool little plane. (the hand knocks on the door and Greg opens it) Yeah? (hands the hand the plane) Wasn't that cool?

Carmen: Boys, the heat's on. Head for the cooling trade winds in a South Pacific Paradise called Pora Pora.

Double Trouble: Sounds real nice. But isn't it pronounced Bora Bora?

Carmen: Not in Tahitian. That language has no letter B. It's Pora Pora, which means first born.

Double Trouble: Well, what do we do for entertainment?

Carmen: Go to La Fete de Juillet. It's a 2-week celebration that happens every July. There's everything from canoe racing to ceremonial fire walks across burning coals.

Double Trouble: We've gotta find some hot dates there.

Rockapella: (sings the end of their song parody of The Beatles' "Money (That's What I Want)") Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...!!!

Greg: (closes the door) This is "rock ending", if you've noticed it.

Rockapella: (reopen the door) YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...! (Greg tries to keep the door shut while reading the next question)

Rockapella: (sings) The Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase!!!

Greg: (after he shoves Rockapella away before the Chase) Gotta maintain control.

(an image of the Missouri River is shown)

Chief: The Missouri River. Exactly the sort of place those bad boys might make their music. In the 20's, its shores were a haven for tough guys, gamblers, backsliders, cattle rustlers, meat mustlers, (shouts) cheaters, crooks, creeps, cretins...! (her phone rings and she picks up) HELLO?! No-- I am calm! (hangs up) (calmly) It's time to send those crooks up the river. Double Trouble and the Son Libre Recording studio are in Kansas City. Now, go get 'em, Gumshoes!

Where'd the Alamo Go? [2.18]

[Robocrook steals the Alamo]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's mob of mendacious mutants has struck again. This time, they dipped their duplicitous ditches in San Antonio, Texas. In 1836, the Alamo was a site of an epic battle during Texas' war for independence from Mexico. For 12 long days, about 190 Texans held off an attack by thousands of Mexican soldiers. But on the 13th day, the Alamo was stormed and the Texan defenders were killed. When we say "Remember the Alamo," it's their brave fight we recall. But now, this Texas landmark is just a memory because the Alamo has disappeared. Robocrook, that pile of pilfering processes, stormed San Antonio, lassoed the Alamo, then hauled it away. Your mission, gumshoes: short circuit Robocrook, return the Alamo to Texas, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Carmen: Robo, the gumshoes are after you. Head for a country just south of Chad.

Robo: Orders acknowledged. Will I encounter communication problems, due to numerous tribal languages?

Carmen: Not here. There're more than 80 different ethnic groups living together, but many speak a common language called Sango.

Robo: Ah, good. I've learned Sango in high school. Could you suggest a location for food?

Carmen: Of course. Try the restaurant in the city of Bangui. You'll find everything from cooked monkeys to warthogs.

Robo: Just a nice simple dish of axle grease would suffice.

Rockapella: (each time the Alamo is revealed)

Tex mex!

With Ice Cream!

Try to remember the--

Case of the Little Boy Lost [2.19]

[Grunge steals the Mannekin Pis statue from Belgium]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's gang of globe-trotting goons has glommed again. This time, the scene of the crime was Brussels, Belgium, the beautiful city of Renaissance, architecture, great food, and bilingual citizens. But nothing catches a fancy of Brussels visitors like this fountain. With this bronzed statue of a little boy answering the call on May 5. Seriously, the fountain was built in 1619 by a sculptor named Jérôme Duquesnoy. This statue, or manneken as they say in Dutch, is real proof that different cultures find different things offensive, while some societies, perhaps even people in our own, would find this little guy horribly crass and tried to have him destroyed. But in Belgium, he's just an object of whimsical humor. They sell little squirting souvenirs on these streets, and whenever there's a holiday or festival, city workers dress him up in a new custom tailored outfit. Well, today he was abducted. Top Grunge, that grimy greaseball with a permanent cold, bagged him in broad daylight. Gumshoes, here's your mission: get Grunge, reinstate the statue, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Grunge: Hey, Carmen, this statue's leavin' a trail!

Carmen: Head for Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming and hide the statue behind the famous geyser.

Grunge: What's a geyser?

Carmen: A hole in the earth that spits out water and steam. It's generated by red-hot magma beneath the earth's surface.

Grunge: I don't know, Carmen. Didn't they have a huge forest fire a few years back?

Carmen: Don't worry. If it happens again, the mountains can help put it out. And you'll love the geyser, Grunge. It smells like sulfur.

Grunge: What does sulfur smell like?

Carmen: Rotten eggs. Just like you.

Grunge: Carmen, that's the nicest thing you ever said to me. (sneezes)

Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? and remember: It's not a brag, it's not a bolt, we turn criminals into pulp.

Superscam [2.20]

[Wonder Rat steals Metropolis]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her slew of sleazy slugs have struck again. This time, they did the illicit action in Illinois. Metropolis, Illinois built itself as a hometown of Clark Kent A.K.A. Superman. Back in the 1940s, when the DC Comics superhero first became famous, the folks in Metropolis noticed that their city has the same name as Superman's fictional city. Years later, they turned coincidence into opportunity by jumping into the roadside attraction business. Now, Metropolis boasts the only official Superman phone booth, Superman billboard, water tower, and annual celebrations. It's even got a newspaper called, you guessed it, the Metropolis Planet. But it was dire headlines today when Wonder Rat, in a bit of medium-mongering jealousy, stole the entire city. He says he won't release it until every last image of Clark Kent is replaced with his own heroic visions. They'll be illing in Illinois until Metropolis is returned. Gumshoes, this cannot be tolerated. Your mission is to round up the rat, get the city of Metropolis back to the city of Metropolis, and then catch that burg-burgling bigwig Carmen Sandiego.

Wonder Rat: Nyah, I'm thinkin' of changin' the name of this town I stole. How does Ratopolis sound?

Carmen: How does jail sound? ACME's about to nab you. Head for Monrovia, the capital of a West African nation that's home to one of the world's largest fleets of privately owned ships.

Wonder Rat: Yeah, yeah, right. Ship owners all over the world register there, 'cause they charge low taxes and lenient regulations. Say, I could use a nice rat-cruise.

Carmen: Forget it. You've got to hide. Head into the rainforest and disguise yourself as a Pygmy Hippo. This is one of the few parts of Africa where they live.

Wonder Rat: Gee, I don't know Carmen. Wonder-Dwarf-Pygmy-Hippo-Rat? It just doesn't roll off the tongue.

Greg: Hmmm, no it doesn't.

Rockapella: (each time Metropolis is revealed in the 2nd round)

Superman Land!

Kryptonite!

Faster than a speeding bullet!

More powerful than a locomotive!

Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!

Dated Lois! In the movie!

LOOK! Up in the sky!

Chumps D'Elysees (Arch Criminal) [2.21]

[Eartha Brute steals the Arc de Triomphe]

Chief: Carmen Sandiego and her school of scurrilous scallywags have struck again. This time, they took a pop shot at Paris, France. The meeting by the emperor Napoleon, the splendor of Arc de Triomphe was built to honor the French army. Napoleon's fortunes didn't last long, but the Arc has lived on. Until last night, that is when Eartha Brute, that brawny burglar, barged up the trophied masse and snarked up the Arc. There will be darkness in the City of Light until their beloved monument is returned. Gumshoes, your mission is to bag the brute, return the Arc to Paris, and then put an end to Carmen Sandiego's career in crime.

Chief: (After Eartha's profile) She's a cross trainer, a weight gainer, and a no brainer.

Eartha: Carmen, how long do I have to carry this Arc around?

Carmen: Quit whining. ACME's on your tail, Brute. I want you to hide the Arc behind the Barrier Reef off the caribbean coast of Central America. Then, head inland where the Howler Monkeys live.

Eartha: How do I find them?

Carmen: They sound like this. (makes monkey sounds) You can hear their cry almost a mile away.

Eartha: Hey, sounds like my brother.

Greg: For our next clue we turn to James Avery, an informant from ACME Shredder-Net. Watch.

James: Pssst. Gumshoes, Eartha's in a Chinese city, on the eastern bank of the Yangtze River. It's a site that's been inhabited for thousands of years. Twice this century, the city was capital of China, but not anymore. Now it's a bustling commercial center that's capital of Jiangsu Province. That's all I know. Good luck. Get outta here!

Greg: Thanks, James. Robert, do you recognize him? Cartoons? Shredder. Shredder everybody.

Rockapella: Prankster of Paris!

Baaaaad News in New Zealand [2.22]

[Vic the Slick steals all of New Zealand's sheep]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her army of anti-social aardvarks has struck again. This time, they vandalized the green valleys and verdant meadows of New Zealand. First severed by Polynesian people, now called Māori about 1,000 years ago, the islands of New Zealand were colonized by the British in 1840. And they brought some very important friends: sheep. Why are sheep important in New Zealand? I'll tell you. Okay, it's the 19th century. England's farmland is shrinking. Why, what population was growing? "Hmm," England says, "how do we feed these folks? Hey! We got New Zealand, a huge colony crawling with sheep, but it's 13,000 miles away. Well, I guess we'll just have to develop refrigeration. Yes!" So they froze the sheep, tipped them halfway around the world, and everyone was happy. England had food, New Zealand had a major industry. Now if you can just freeze Carmen and send it to Mars... well, anyway. Yesterday, Vic the Slick, disguised as Little Bo Peep, rounded up 65,000,000 of the cloven hoofed critters and herded them away. Every last sheep from Wellington to Waikawa is gone, gone, gone. Now gumshoes, here's your mission: vanquish Vic, shag the sheep home, and then corral that criminal Carmen Sandiego.

(the Sheep are heard bleating in the background)

Vic: All this bleepin' bleatin' is givin' me a headache, Carmen.

Carmen: Take two aspirin and scram before ACME makes mutton out of you.

Rockapella: (sings when the Sheep are revealed in the second round) Little lost lambies!

Boosting the Belt (Radiation Ripoff) [2.23]

[Patty Larceny steals the Van Allen Belt.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her posse of pugnacious poachers have pounced again. This time, they went out of this world. 600-15,000 miles above the equator, the Van Allen radiation belts surround the Earth. The donut-shaped vans are named for physicist James A. Van Allen, leader of a team that discovered them in 1958. They form a part of the Earth's magnetic field, and they trap charged particles thrown off by the Sun. Now sometimes, particles leak out and make their way into the upper atmosphere. There, they collide with gases creating a light show known as the Aurora. Or they did until Patty Larceny circumnavigated the globe and stole the belts. She foolishly thinks she can decorate her bedroom with the pretty colors of the Aurora. Your mission, gumshoes, is to pinch that pilfering Patty, put the belts back in place, and pack Carmen Sandiego off to prison.

The Ta-Ta Kenyatta Cantata [2.24]

[Wonder Rat steals the Kenyatta Conference Center]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's swarm of sorted sociopaths has struck again. This time, they convened a criminal conclave in Nairobi, Kenya. Nairobi has become one of Africa's leading international cities, and the gleaming Kenyatta Conference Center helped pave the way. Named for former president Jomo Kenyatta and opened in the early '70s, this 28-story building was home to the U.N.'s first African headquarters. These days, its fine facilities hosts a wide-range of conventions and conferences from around the world. And from the top-floor viewing deck, you can see the entire city of Nairobi stretched out before you. But today, meetings were abruptly adjourned when the Kenyatta Conference Center disappeared. Wonder Rat, Carmen's scruffy scheming scallywag, snatched the center then made a hasting retreat. He plans to use it as a centerpiece of his very own resort, Ratlantic City. Your mission, gumshoes: whisk that whiskered Wonder to jail, return the Kenyatta Conference Center to Nairobi, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Greg: (to everyone in ACME Control Net, who are asleep, via noxious gas) C'mon, it's a big joke, right? HEY! Big jo--! (he then comes up with an idea) LUNCH!

(everyone wakes up and Greg laughs)

Greg: Hey, you guys! You guys! Hey! You guys! You guys! HEY!

(everyone stares at him)

Greg: I was jokin'!

(everyone angrily throws things at him as he exits)

Carmen: Head for a national park with one of the world's biggest volcanoes. Native Americans called it Tahoma.

Wonder Rat: Aw, a huge volcano? Gee, Carmen, I hope you're not trying to get rid of me!

Carmen: Relax. There hasn't been a major eruption for about 2,000 years. These days it's home to the largest single-peak glacial system in the U.S. outside of Alaska.

Wonder Rat: Tahoma, huh? I never heard of it.

Carmen: That's because it was renamed by a British explorer. He called it Mount Rainier.

Wonder Rat: Hey. If he can rename it, then I can rename it. How about Mount Ratnier? (giggles)

Greg: Hmmm...I don't think so!

Greg: (after Rockapella's parody of the Supremes' "Why Do Fools Fall in Love") Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen! Along with Lisa Price! Give 'em a round of applause!

Greg: (after Rockapella chases Lisa before the Chase) Lisa Price, with Rockapella.

Greg: Darwin Research Station. (Shoeprints are revealed)

Rockapella: Nothing!

Greg: No. Thank you. Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen.

WSK Gone [2.25]

[Wonder Rat steals the WSKG television station]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her team of twisted twerps have struck again. This time, they bullied their way to Binghamton, New York. Binghamton is the home of WSKG-TV, a member station of PBS. From its studios, WSKG serves 21 counties in New York and Pennsylvania. Other TV networks are owned by big corporations, but PBS is a joint venture of its 341 member stations. Local stations like WSKG produce both community, oriented, and national programs, and they raise a significant portion of their money through membership drive. SKG has been a PBS member since 1968. But now, Binghamton is PBS-less because Wonder Rat, that sniveling superhero wannabe, stole the station. He plans to turn it into RTV, Rat Television, 24 hours a day, written, directed, and starring himself. Gumshoes, there will be no more PBS in the 21 counties until the station is returned. You've got to round up that rat, free SKG, and then catch Carmen Sandiego.

Mike Ziegler: Hey! When that rat stole the station, he stole me with it! He holds the station south, just across the Rio Grande. We're getting T.V. shows from a network called Televisa. It's huge! They've got 4 national channels, lots of original programming, and even some American T.V. shows dubbed with Spanish voices. I hope you get this tape, Gumshoes. Remember, (forms the ACME Triangle of Excellence with his hands) Vigilance, Dedication, Courage. Now, get me outta here!

Wonder Rat: Yeah! So, Carmen, this is great! I'll have my network goin' in no time.

Carmen: ACME's on to you. Head for the home of Chennai Cheetah Studios.

Wonder Rat: Yeah, Yeah. Where Federico Fellini directed his movies. He could do my life story. We'll call it La Dolce Vita Rat On. That means this sweet ratlife.

Carmen: I know what it means. Just lay low and stay away from the reconte vershoto.

Wonder Rat: Yeah, Yeah. I gotta watch my weight in these tight space. Maybe I could market a diet drink. Maybe?

Carmen: God o mina. Move!

Greg: And, uh, maybe not.

Rockapella: (each time WSKG is revealed in the 2nd round)

Cool totebag!

Viewers like you-ooo!

Won't you be my neighbor?!

Pledge Drive!

The Brazen Bean Bambozlement [2.26]

[Top Grunge steals the coffee beans from Colombia.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's clique of clueless kleptomaniacs has struck again. This time, they burgled the beans from Colombia, South America. Now when it comes to a warming drink, the world loves a good cup of coffee. And Colombia is the second largest coffee grower on Earth after Brazil. The crop was first planted there as early as the 1700s, and it flourished in the rich soil and high altitude of Colombia's mountain regions. Since then, coffee has become vital to the country's economy. In most years, it makes up more than half of Colombia's agricultural exports. But now, the beans have been bamboozled. Top Grunge, Carmen's portly putrid prince of percolating pilferage, biked down to Colombia to get a hot cup of joe and some sinkers and hauled away the entire crop. Your mission, gumshoes: flatten Top Grunge's tires, bring back the beans to Bogota, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Wondering Where the Water Went [2.27]

[Vic the Slick steals the Los Angeles Aqueduct.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's ring of ruthless racketeers have struck again. This time, they struck in Southern California. The Colorado River Aqueduct is a man-made waterway. It runs from the Colorado River's Parker Dam on the Arizona border to Los Angeles, California, 235 miles away. It's a cheap source of water for 14 and a half million people in the Los Angeles area. If it weren't for aqueducts, the endless suburbs of L.A. would still be once were: a part desert. But now, these wanted waters roar no more. Vic the Slick, Carmen's showcase of bad taste, has corralled its currents. Armed with an atomic Shop-Vac, he sucked up the water and took it away. Your mission, gumshoes: cut Vic to the quick, return the river to its rightful bed, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Carmen: Vic, ACME's after you. Hide the river in a sea where you'll find the Greek Archipelago. It was home to Europe's first known great civilization.

Vic: Hey, Carmen, what makes 'em so great?

Carmen: The Minoan culture on Crete goes back about 5,000 years. At a time when most Europeans were still living in the Stone Age, the Minoans were master artists and builders who used a decimal number system and created a form of writing.

Vic: Eh, that's pretty good, but no culture is truly great without polyester.

Carmen: You're hopeless, Vic. Just get moving.

Barry: Ladies and gentlemen, Elliott has left the building.

Gorgeous George (Losing Face) [2.28]

[Kneemoi steals George Washington's portrait from every $1 bill in the United States.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her clique of reeking geeks have grabbed again. This time, they struck very close to home. It happened right in your pocket. George Washington's face has been on the US dollar since 1869. The picture, probably the best-known portrait in the United States, was originally done by the artist Gilbert Stuart in 1796. Today, 18 huge printing presses at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing turn out about 10 million dollar bills a day. There are over 5 billion $1 bills in circulation. But now, they've all been defaced. Kneemoi, Carmen's alien outlaw, took one look at the buck and fell in love with Washington's warm, friendly smile. So she swiped his image from every single dollar bill in existence. the repercussions of this crime are almost too horrible to imagine. Financial markets will fall. Economies will collapse. Coat check attendants won't get tips. Gumshoes, your mission is to exile the extra-terrestrial, find George's face, and then collar that crime boss Carmen Sandiego.

Big Bad Lug Bags Big Egg [2.29]

[Eartha Brute steals the Tokyo Dome from Japan.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her ragtag rabble rousers have ransacked again. This time, they attacked Tokyo, Japan. Tokyo Dome stadium is located near Tokyo's Korakuen Amusement Park. Japan's first covered stadium, it was completed in 1988. Known as The Big Egg, the stadium hosts baseball games between teams like the Yomiuri Giants and the Nippon-Ham Fighters. It also presents other big events like rock concerts and boxing matches. Or it did until yesterday when Eartha Brute took Tokyo by surprise and swiped the stadium. They'll be weeping in their wasabi all over Tokyo until their beloved egg is returned. Gumshoes, your mission is to bag the brute, return the stadium, and get Carmen Sandiego.

Crook Nicks Kid Pix [2.30]

[Top Grunge steals the International Museum of Children's Art from Oslo, Norway.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's swarm of swindling swine has struck again. This time, they poked their pilfering paws into Oslo, Norway. The Oslo International Museum of Children's Art is the most expensive children's art museum in the world. Opened in 1986 by Russian émigrés Rafael and Alla Goldin, it's devoted to artwork created by young people aged 2 to 18 from around the globe. The growing collection exceeds 100,000 pieces and includes everything from paintings to a scrap wire bike sculpture created by a boy from Rwanda. But now, this capital of kids creation has been copped. Top Grunge, Carmen's ogre of odious odors, reeled into Oslo, hooked the museum with his bike, and hauled it away. Your mission, gumshoes: put Top Grunge's stink in the clink, return the International Museum of Children's Art to Oslo, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Big Bank Bingo [2.31]

[Robocrook steals the Dai-ichi Kangyo Bank.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's detachment of deplorable dunderheads has struck again. This time, they had a yen for big bucks in Tokyo, Japan. In a nation that's home to seven of the world's ten largest banks, Dai-ichi Kangyo Bank is the biggest of all. In fact, if you combined all the assets of Citicorp, Chase Manhattan Bank, BankAmerica, General Motors, and my aunt Matilda, Dai-ichi, Kangyo would still have more. They total almost a half trillion dollars. To get that much money, you'd have to save, oh... nearly a dollar a minute for the next million years. But Carmen Sandiego couldn't wait that long. Besides, she's not much of a saver. So Robocrook went to Tokyo and withdrew the money along with the entire Dai-ichi Kangyo Bank headquarters. You mission, gumshoes: reel in Robocrook, deliver the Dai-ichi Kangyo Bank back to Japan, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

(what appears to be a black-and-white image of the Chief displays on the monitor)

Chief: Greg, come into my office.

Greg: Yes, ma'am. I'll be right there. Uh, you guys stay here. I'm gonna have to check that monitor. Be right back. (enters the office, where it is revealed that the room itself has turned black and white) What's up, Chief?

Chief: Ah. Greg, does anything in this office seem strange to you?

Greg: (looks around the office) Uh, nope.

Chief: Use your deductive skills.

Greg: (sniffs) Oh, you got rid of that dead mouse. That dead mouse behind the wall.

Chief: No, Greg! This office has lost its color.

Greg: Well, Chief, did you pay the color bill?

Chief: What? Greg, there's no such thing as a bill for color.

Greg: (laughs) Yes, there is, Chief.

Chief: What?

Greg: It came in the mail last month.

Chief: But I never saw it.

Greg: Well, uh, (pulls the bill out of his jacket) it's because it's here. That's a color bill right there. (hands her the bill) See?

Chief: Well, it says here I have to send a check for 9 cents to the department of color and tending?

Greg: 9 cents? Chief, that's more than I make in a week.

Chief: Well, listen, Greg. If the gumshoes find out we can't pay our bills, we're going to get discouraged. Now, what do you think we should do to keep their morale up, so they'll stay on the trail of Carmen?

Greg: Well, Chief, I'll tell you this. We could make a deal. The gumshoe that captures Carmen Sandiego will get a trip to anywhere in North America!

(applause)

Chief: (gasps) An excellent idea!

Greg: Thanks, Chief. Oh, and wait. I think I still may have some, uh, color from the last animated clue. Take a look at this. (pulls the color out of his jacket and throws it, turning the office back to color)

Chief: (gasps) Oh!

Greg: Huh?

Chief: Much better. Thank you.

Greg: Well, you're welcome. Now, Chief, I wanna remind ya: Be sure and pay the anti-helium bill.

Chief: What?!

Greg: It's due today.

Chief: What anti-helium bill?

Greg: Chief, the anti-helium bill that was due today! Oh, never mind, you probably already paid it anyway.

Chief: (in a high-pitched voice) Greg, there's no such thing as an anti-helium bill.

Greg: (pulls the bill out of his jacket and hands it to her) You see it? Right here.

Chief: Greg, go away.

Greg: Yes, ma'am. (exits the office) You know, that reminds me, I've got to remember to pay that anti-16 ton weight bill. It's due tomorrow. (As Greg get back to his position, a 16 ton weight falls on the ground, then Greg hears and realizes) It's due today. Sorry.

Carmen: Robo, get on the Trans-Canada Highway and head for the Yellow Brick Road.

Robo: This is no time for The Wizard of Oz. I need directions.

Carmen: These are directions. The Yellow Brick Road leads to a huge Gold Mine discovered in the 1980's. In fact, this province is the second biggest gold producing region in the western hemisphere, and it produces more industrial goods than the rest of Canada combined.

Robo: A logical destination for the bank?

Carmen: Exactly. Now, move it, Tin Man.

Robo: Destination acknowledged. (singing) Follow the Yellow Brick Road, Follow the Yellow Brick Road

The Lip Stick Up [2.32]

[Patty Larceny steals Claes Oldenburg's Lipstick sculpture from New Haven, Connecticut.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's flock of flamboyant flakes has flimflammed again. This time, the crime happened in New Haven, Connecticut. In 1969, New Haven's prestigious Yale University received an unusual gift: a 24-foot high, two-ton sculpture called Lipstick (Ascending) on Caterpillar Tracks. The giant lipstick was the work of famed pop artist Claes Oldenburg. Some people on campus didn't care for the sculpture and it was removed in less than a year, but then supporters rose to its defense and in 1974, it was placed in Yale's Morse Courtyard where it has remained ever since. Until today, that is when Patty Larceny, posing as an Avon lady, made tracks with a fully tracked lipstick. She plans on using the sculpture to promote her newest enterprise, The School of Criminal Cosmetology. Your mission, gumshoes: put the pinch on Patty, liberate the lipstick, and then bring Carmen Sandiego to justice.

Who Copped Khufu? [2.33]

[Eartha Brute steals the Great Pyramid of Khufu from Giza, Egypt.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's crew of criminal cronies has struck again. This time, they boosted a big old building in Giza, Egypt. In other words, a pyramid. Built as elaborate tombs for Egyptians pharaohs, the pyramid have stood for nearly 5,000 years. The largest one is called the great pyramid of King Khufu. Built around 2500 BC, it was originally about 480 feet high and weighed six-and-a-quarter million tons. The top portion has been gone for a while, lost to erosion or looted for construction in nearby Cairo. But today, Eartha Brute removed the rest of it. Carmen's burly bruiserette snatched up the great pyramid of Khufu and barreled off down the Nile. Now you might hear some people call this the Great Pyramid of Cheops, but don't let that throw you off the trail. Cheops is just the Greek name for the king that the Egyptians called Khufu. Your mission, gumshoes: bust Eartha Brute, put the pyramid back in place, and then bag that beastly bimbo Carmen Sandiego.

Who Bagged the Bull? [2.34]

[Kneemoi steals a Mesopotamian Bull's Head statue from Baghdad, Iraq]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her load of lily-livered louts have lashed out again. This time, they bagged a bull in Baghdad. The region between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers is often called The Cradle of Western Civilization. Located mostly in Iraq, it was home to some of the earliest known human settlements, the ancient kingdom of Mesopotamia. It began around 5000 BC and at its peak, the Mesopotamian city of Ur was a rich metropolis. But empires have a way to crumbling to sand and all that's left of Mesopotamia are a few of its treasures. One of them is on display at the Iraq museum in Baghdad, a beautiful golden bull's head dating back to 2450 BC. It was unearthed this century from a royal Mesopotamian tomb. But yesterday, that elasticized alien Kneemoi stretched her way into the museum, bagged the bull's head, and bounded out of the country. She claimed the bull is the spitting image of her mother. Gumshoes, your mission is to nail Kneemoi, get the bull's golden head back to Baghdad, and cap Carmen Sandiego's career in crime.

My Cup Runneth Away [2.35]

[Double Trouble steal the World Cup Trophy from Zurich, Switzerland.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's squad of squalid scuzzballs has struck again. This time, they finagled their furtive fingers into Zurich, Switzerland. Soccer is the world's most popular sport, and the dream of all national soccer teams is to win a World Cup. A global tournament is held every four years to determine a champion. The last World Cup matches were held in Italy in 1990, and the championship game was viewed by over 1.3 billion fans. In 1994, the games will be hosted by one of the only countries in the world where soccer isn't all that popular, the USA. The World Cup Trophy itself contains about 10 pounds of 18-karat gold, and it's kept in Zurich, Switzerland. The team that wins the tournament doesn't get the real trophy, they get a less-expensive copy. Hmm. What if we gave all our winners not a real trip anywhere in North America but just a video of one? Well, it just wouldn't be the Acme way. Well, today, the real trophy was swiped. Double Trouble, Carmen's matching makers of mayhem, zipped into Zurich, crept up on the cup, and then snatched it away. They renamed it the Trouble Trophy and plan to hold and international crime tourney. Your mission, gumshoes: bust Double Trouble on the double, return the World Cup Trophy to Zurich, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Tsealing the Tsar Bell [2.36]

[Eartha Brute steals the Tsar Bell from Moscow, Russia.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her confederacy of con artists have struck again. This time, they KO'd Moscow's ancient walled fortress, The Kremlin. The belfry and bell tower of Ivan the Great are the tallest structures in The Kremlin. What's inside the belfry? Bells. 21 richly, ornamented bells hanging the tower and one more sits on a stone pedestal at the bottom. That's the big guy, the Tsar Bell. Cast in the 1730s, it weighed more than 200 tons, and is decorated with images of Russian royalty, a Tsar and Tsarina. It's the largest chimer in the world, and you'd think it would stay put, but no. When irresistible force meets immovable objects, something's gotta give. What gave? The bell at the base. Eartha Brute broke in and stole the Tsar Bell. Gumshoes, your mission is to bring in Eartha, ring in the bell, and ding out Carmen Sandiego once and for all.

Beach Blanket Bye-Bye [2.37]

[Patty Larceny steals Ipanema Beach.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's nest of nefarious ne'er-do-wells has struck again. This time, they scammed the sands from a beach in Brazil. For the residents of Rio de Janeiro, the beach is the place to see and be seen. (Rockapella sings "The Girl From Ipanema) And that song you're hearing, The Girl From Ipanema, made the beach in Rio's Ipanema neighborhood the most famous of all. Nestled between the Atlantic and a beautiful lagoon, you'll find white sands, wild waves, and beautiful people all surrounded by some of the highest priced real estate in South America. But now the girls of Ipanema have stopped walking because the beach is no more. Patty Larceny, Carmen Sandiego's sweetfaced scoundrel, surfed in, scarfed up the sands, and sambaed away. Your mission, gumshoes: put Patty in the pin, return the beach to Ipanema, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Carmen: Patty, they're after you. Head for one of the states where Yellowstone National Park is found. Hide out in the Silent City of Rocks.

Patty: Gee, Carmen, it sounds kind of spooky.

Carmen: Don't worry. It's just a granite formation. Pioneers in the 1800s thought the rocks look like a city. You can still see their names written on the granite, and legend says a bandit hid $90,000 in stolen gold nearby.

Patty: Wow! A bandit! I feel right at home. Has anyone ever found the gold?

Carmen: Not yet. Bring a metal detector.

Where's Dave (Statue of Limitations) [2.38]

[Eartha Brute steals Michelangelo's Statue of David from Florence, Italy.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her ring of robbers have ransacked again. This time, they made off with a marble masterpiece from Florence, Italy. In 1501, the artist Michelangelo acquired a huge chunk of damaged marble, someone else had been carving and then abandoned, Michelangelo took his chisel to it and carved the biblical hero David. Almost instantly recognized as a masterwork, the statue remains one of Europe's greatest treasures. It stood in the Galleria dell'Accademia in Florence for over a hundred years until yesterday when Eartha Brute went gaga over the marbled marbles and made off with him. Florentines watched in horror as she stomps away with a big bare buddy. Gumshoes, you've got to save Dave, unearth Eartha, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

The Perilous Penguin Pilferage [2.39]

[Robocrook steals a pack of penguins from Antarctica.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's detachment of dastardly delinquent has struck again. This time, they pestered the penguins in Antarctica. Penguins are flightless birds native to the colder parts of Earth's southern hemisphere. Antarctica's penguin population is about 65 million. That's more penguins than France have people. Now using their wings as flippers, penguins are superb underwater swimmers. They can dive to depths of hundreds of feet in search of food or make speedy spectacular leaps from water to avoid predators. But they weren't fast enough to escape. Robocrook, disguised in a tuxedo, he crisscrossed the continent and pinched every last penguin. Your mission, gumshoes: round up Robocrook, put back the penguins, and then bring Carmen Sandiego to justice.

Robocrook: Without Carmen to guide me, I am like a screw without a driver. You'll find her in the U.S.A.

Churchill Downer [2.40]

[Patty Larceny steals Churchill Downs from Louisville, Kentucky.]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego wicked wild persons have wangled another whopper. This time, the clobbered Kentucky. Louisville, Kentucky is home to the famous racetrack called Churchill Downs. Each year on the first Saturday in May, the country's finest three-year-old thoroughbred race horses gather at the downs to compete in the Kentucky Derby. Begun in 1875, the Run of the Roses is the oldest continually held horse race in the country. It is also the most glamorous. For three weeks before the race, Louisville is turned into a festival of balls and barbecues, concerts, competitions, galas, and parades. But yesterday, things got yucky in Kentucky. Patty Larceny, that sugarcoated pill, lassoed every last thoroughbred. She had just finished reading National Velvet and decided she just couldn't live without her own stable full of steeds. Gumshoes, your mission is to pick up Patty, put back the heisted horses, and then put down Carmen Sandiego.

The Dog Race Rat Case [2.41]

[Wonder Rat steals the dogs and sleds from the Iditarod races in Alaska.]]

Chief: Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her notorious noxious ne'er-do-wells have nabbed again. This time, they've dogged Alaska. The famed Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race named the ghost town of Iditarod has been run every year since 1973. The route runs more than a thousand miles between Anchorage and Nome. It started because of a 1925 diphtheria epidemic. Dog-sled drivers called mushers ran medicine to remote northern parts of Alaska. The epidemic ended, but the race lived on. Every March, several dozen ushers meat for what may be the most grueling competitive event. They drive their specially trained dog reams for nearly three weeks, sleeping as little as possible, conserving body heat and fighting blizzards, thin ice, and charging moose. In 1990, four-time winner Susan Butcher set a record for the run: 11 days, one hour, and 53 minutes. But if you thinking about entering the competition this year, you can leave your huskies at home, because last night, by the light of the arctic moon, Wonder Rat swiped all the sleds and dog teams. That annoying little vermin will do anything to promote himself. Now he wants to have his own rat race. Gumshoes, your mission is to trap that rat, get the sleds back on track, and then catch crime queen Carmen Sandiego.

Topkapi Turban Topper [2.42]

[Vic the Slick steals Suleiman the Magnificent's Topkapi Turban from Istanbul, Turkey]

Carmen: Vic, they're on to you. Head north of the Arctic Circle to Auyuittuq National Park. It's in a Canadian district.

Vic: G-G-Geez, Carmen, sounds a little c-c-cold.

Carmen: A little cold? Auyuittuq is an Inuit word that means "the land that never melts". The ground freezes at 1,000 feet down. I hear there are no trees at all.

Vic: Sounds like I'll have the joint to myself.

Carmen: Nope. It's home to the Inuit and Dene people. It was named for an Englishman who got lost there, looking for a passage from the Atlantic to the Pacific.

Vic: Lost, huh? Eh, couldn't I just go to Baltimore?

Carmen: Sorry, bub. Get out your polyester earmuffs.

The Nefarious Nobel Napper [2.45]

[Vic the Slick steals the Nobel Peace Prizes from Stockholm, Sweden]

Vic: Carmen, babe, these prize medals look great on me. Real class.

Carmen: Vic, you wouldn't know real class if it hit you in the face with a gym sock. Now, listen. Go to a money museum in a federal reserve bank.

Vic: Hey, sounds great.

Carmen: It has all kinds of cash on display. Like some of the first coins ever minted, and a block of tea that was once used as currency. It's in a former capital of the Confederate States of America, and hide those medals, or ACME will be on you like that cheap suit.

Vic: Hey, I pay top dollar for this suit.

(Vic tells Josh to go to Europe; Josh is surprised to hear it)

Josh: No way!

Greg: You're kidding! What'd-- What did he say?!

Josh: We're goin' to Europe!

Greg: Chief! We're goin' to Europe!

In the Rat Bird Seat [2.49]

[Wonder Rat steals the Stone Bird from Zimbabwe]

Carmen: ACME's closing in on you. Bag the bird, then head for the capital of a southern state. It's where the civil rights movement got underway back in 1955. That's when Rosa Parks, an African American refused to give up her seat on a bus to a white man.

Wonder Rat: Yeah. Yeah, I know the place. Uh, listen. Can I head for that lunch joint with a huge buffet of local homemade food?

Carmen: You mean the Farmers Market Cafeteria.

Wonder Rat: Yeah. I'm thinkin' the customers might wanna see my rat-o-mania road show.

Carmen: The customers might want to see you in jail, rat-face. Keep your tail out of sight.

Mountainous Mayhem [2.50]

[Kneemoi steals Mt. Everest]

Chief: (after Kneemoi's profile) She's an extra sneaky, extra crafty, extra extraterrestrial.

Greg: Okay, Gumshoes. For our next clue, we turn to ACME Celeb Net agent LeVar Burton. LeVar, what's the latest?

LeVar: Greg, I've tracked some tricky aliens around the galaxy, but no one as slippery as Kneemoi. She has stashed Mt. Everest in a trench. Not a land trench. This one's on the ocean. Located in the North Pacific, it forms one of the deepest parts of any ocean on earth. It's about 7 miles down, so if Kneemoi put Everest on the bottom, its peak would be about a mile and a half below the water's surface. Wow, that's what I call being in over your head. Go get 'em.

Greg: 'Kay, thanks a lot, LeVar.

Carmen: Head for a town on the California coast. It was a setting for John Steinbeck's great novel Cannery Row.

Kneemoi: Canary Row? He wrote about little birds in cages?

Carmen: Not canaries. Canneries! Factories where they put fish into cans. Steinbeck wrote about the poor homeless men who worked in them, but the place has changed a lot. The canneries are gone and some of the most expensive real estate on earth is nearby.

Kneemoi: Oh. Just one more question.

Carmen: What?

Kneemoi: How did the fish breathe inside those little cans?

(Carmen sighs)

Tomfoolery in Thailand [2.55]

[Patty Larceny steals the Thailand Sister Statue.]

Patty: I just adore these sisters. They're pretty, but they're dangerous. Just like me!

Carmen: But always remember, dear, they are good guys, and you're a bad guy. Now, listen. Sail off the Río de la Plata to the capital of Uruguay. Hide the Heroines behind the Gaucho statue. It's a bronze monument to these hard riding horsemen.

Patty: I know what Gauchos are. They're cowboys.

Carmen: That's right, Patty, dear. Now, quit showing off and shove off.

Rockapella: Sassy Sisters!

She Took the Notes Right Out of My Mouth [2.56]

[Kneemoi steals the boys Choir's voices from Vienna, Austria.]

Chief: (on the monitor with static) Greg, my office now.

Greg: Yes, ma'am. There's some snow on here. Gonna have to get that monitor looked at. Be right back. (enters the Chief's office where it is snowing and the Chief is wearing a hat, mittens, and a scarf) Chief, what's goin' on in here? It's snowing!

Chief: I know it's snowing in here. (Greg laughs) A freak storm has settled in on my office.

Greg: Chief, this is amazing. This is great.

Chief: Yes. Greg, I want you to do something for me.

Greg: Yes. Yes. Oh--

Chief: You know what it is?

Greg: Yes, of course. I'll go get my mittens. I'll come back here. We'll make a little snowman. I got a carrot in my office.

Chief: No, no. Greg.

Greg: Wait a minute! Better, Chief. I'll get a toboggan. We'll use this desk. I'll get a little snow ramp thing.

Chief: Greg!

Greg: Better. Better. Better idea, Chief. We'll go out into the interstate. We'll make one of those snow barricade with just a little hole, and the cars will come through, and we'll charge 'em tolls. I have not--

Chief: Greg! Greg! There will be no snowmen! There will be no tobogganing! There will be no snow tolls! Now, I want you to go out and tell the Gumshoes that the one that captures Carmen Sandiego today will win a free trip anywhere in North America! (applause) You got that?

Greg: Yeah, Chief, we could do that. We always do that. But it's a shame to let all this nifty snow go to waste! Chief, you wanna make snow angels, Chief!?

Chief: No! Greg, go away.

Greg: (furiously) All right, Chief! (exits the office)

Chief: And don't slam the...! (Greg slams the door and more snow falls onto the Chief and her desk) ...door.

Greg: I wonder why it's snowing in there and yet in here, it's sunny. That's so-- (a sun appears) Oh, it's Mr. Sunshine. (laughs)

Kneemoi: Carmen, I-- (church music is heard playing in the background) Hey! Hey, pipe down! Carmen, I can't get these voices to pipe down!

Carmen: Here, let me talk to them. Pipe down! (silence) There. Now, I want you to go undercover down under, to the capital of Australia.

Kneemoi: Australia? Who's that?

Carmen: Not who. Where. The capital is a completely planned city on the Molonglo River.

Kneemoi: On the river? How do they keep it from sinking?

Carmen: No! No! No! That's just a geographical expression. It means built beside river.

Kneemoi: (to herself) I'll never understand humans. Never!

Greg: Shebra, we're gonna start with you. You have 50 crime bucks. How much did you risk? (Shebra puts the 50 card in front of her) You risked 50. Everything. What'd ya say?

Shebra: Rio De Janeiro.

Greg: Is not the answer we're lookin' for. Sorry. You go down to 0.

Rockapella: (each time the Voices are revealed in the 2nd round)

Help us!

Where's my Mommy?!

Copped Choir!

De nois boys!

Swiped singers!

Go, Rachel!

Go, Jeanne!

The Great Train Slobbery [2.57]

[Grunge steals the Trans-Siberian Railroad]

(the Chief comes out of hiding from behind 2 jumbo-sized Rubik's Cubes)

Chief: Oh. Uh, yes. Yes. Uh, hi, there. These puzzles were named after architect Ernő Rubik. He originally used them as a teaching aid for his students in 3-dimensional design. (picks up an average-sized Rubik's Cube) Now, Top Grunge mailed this one to me from Rubik's hometown, Budapest. And I... I just can't seem to... (fumbles in trying to solve it) Get... Oh! Dagnabbit!

Greg: Chief, don't get upset. Lemme try to show you.

Chief: (snickers) Okay. But you will never solve it.

(she hands Greg the Rubik's Cube, and he tries solving it while the Chief finishes)

Chief: Anyway, the rail system in Rubik's country is called Gyorjvinaht. Now, Grunge was last seen barreling down the Gyorjvinaht tracks with his stolen Trans-Siberian train.

Greg: (shows the Chief his finished puzzle) There ya go, Chief. I got it. See? Take a look.

Chief: (surprised) How did you do...

Greg: Well, you have to relax your mind. Free yourself of any outside problems.

Chief: Greg! Give that to me.

(Greg hands the Chief the cube)

Chief: Quit playing with toys! Get back to work. There's a smelly crook on the loose!

Greg: Yes, ma'am. Thanks very much.

(knocking is heard at the door)

Greg: Not really expecting anybody. Let me find out who's here. (opens the door to reveal Scott, the Dying Informant, who screams in agony) OH! Dying Informant! Gimme some time, will ya? I'm a little behind. Just hold on one second. Hey, Josh, can you throw me a pillow real quick? Please? (catches a pillow thrown at him) Thanks. (sets it on the floor) Okay! (Scott screams as he passes out at the door and Greg runs over to him) Okay, what happened, buddy? What's the matter? Tell me what happened.

Scott: I was chasing Grunge! I got caught in the crossfires of the internal fighting in Kinshasaaaaaaa!!! (passes out)

Greg: Oh, no! So you were shot?!

Scott: No, I was fine. But then there was a herd of charging hippos along the banks of the Zaire River! (gags and passes out)

Greg: You mean you were trampled, then?

Scott: No, I got away. But then Grunge tossed me into the Nyiragongo volcano. It's still active. Ooh! Hot! Hot-hot-hot! Hot... hot... (passes out)

Greg: Oh, so you were burned!

Scott: No, I wore my asbestos skivvies.

Greg: Nice thinking. So, what's the matter then?

Scott: When I knocked on your door... I got... (raises his right index finger) a splinter! (passes out)

Greg: You know, the next time Norm Abram comes by, I'm gonna have him take a look at that. Thanks a lot, guy. Listen. We got a case to go. (pushes him back into the alley) Good luck. Thanks a lot. (closes the door)

Greg: Hello?

Norm Abram: Greg, it's Norm Abram. Without an S.

Greg: Uh, Norm, I'm sorry. We thought it had the S. We'll take it off.

Norm: Listen. You have to catch Carmen Sandiego. She ran off with my plunge router guide. How am I supposed to build that scale model of the Taj Mahal out of cherrywood without my plunge router guide? You've gotta do something, Greg.

Greg: Well, now, Norm, far be it from me to give you advice, but I would use a brace and a bit.

Norm: Thanks, Greg. Bye.

(Greg hangs up)

The Case of the Filched Freedom Fighter [2.58]

[Robocrook steals the Freedom Fighter Jet]

Greg: Chief, what's with the fruit here?

Chief: Greg, is this one of your practical jokes?

Greg: No, Chief! No way! You made me promise, no more practical jokes after that disaster with the hair dryer and the 9 ferrets.

Chief: Ooh! Then it must be Carmen Sandiego who's behind this! (laughs like a maniac) Well! If this is the way she wants it, I'm going to fight fire with fire!

Greg: Or melons with melons!

Carmen: Robo, those ACME agents are closing in. Head for an African capital located on a large river called the Zaire.

Robo: Affirmative. It's in a country that's also called Zaire. Was the river named after the country?

Carmen: No, it's the other way around. Zaire is the Portuguese version of a Kikongo word that means large river.

Robo: So, the country called Large River is on a large river that's called Large River? That is very logical. What is the meaning of Kikongo?

Carmen: It's one of the national languages spoken in Zaire, but the official language is French because it was once a Belgian colony.

Robo: Orders received. I'm on my way.

Rockapella: (each time the Freedom Fighter Jet is revealed in the 2nd round)

Filched Fighter!

$10 headsets!

Off we go into the wild blue yonder! ("The U.S. Air Force")

Leavin' on a Jet Plane! (John Denver song)

Be all that you can be! (Army jingle)

(Robo is revealed, to Greg's surprise)

Greg: WHOA!!! WHOA!!! Oh, my goodness!

Rockapella: (singing) Robocrook! YOU'VE WON!! (sings their fanfare)

(Ricky goes to the chain, when the confetti is ready to fall)

Greg: (races to Ricky, pushing him back to his podium) Wait! Wait! (laughs) Go back and... some of this! (Ricky finishes getting confetti) There you go. Now come over here. (he and Ricky walk up to the chain)

Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? and remember: We're on the case like fleas on Lassie, with better ratings than Degrassi.

I Lost Lucy [2.59]

[Grunge steals the skeleton known as Lucy]

(Rockapella parodies the "I Love Lucy" theme song)

Barry: Tres! Cuatro!

Scott: Grunge loves Lucy, and there they went.

Dinosaur National Monument.

That's where the creep took the skelly-ton.

He's such a VILE, nasty smelly-ton.

He wants to take her to ski at Vale.

Toss that big, wheezing crook in jail.

Check Pueblo out for the Grunge path!

And please...

Oh, won't you please?

Oh, won't you give...

Sean: Oh, won't you please give ol' Lucy a great, big, beautiful sponge...

All: BATH!!!

Greg: Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen, if you will, please!

Greg: Hello?

Dennis Miller: Hello. Greg, Dennis Miller. Look, I've got a little message for you and your puttyboots, pal.

Greg: They're Gumshoes.

Dennis: I don't care if their horseshoes, cha-cha. Okay? Listen. There's a pan-global kleptomaniac in a slouch hat running around out there, and it's time you did something about it. I know trilobytes who are closer to... catching Carmen Sandiego than you. You're lurals are creasing, Greggo. It's time to stop resting on them, pal. (hangs up)

Greg: Nice guy. Dennis Miller, my good buddy. (hangs up the phone)

Stoneheist [2.60]

[Robocrook steals Stonehenge]

Chief: (on phone) Greg, please come into my office.

Greg: Yes, ma'mm. I'll be right there. (her phone starts ringing) You guys stay here. I'm gonna-- I'm gonna check with her. I gotta catch the phone. (enters the office where he discovers that she is missing) Yeah, Chief? Chief! Well, the Chief isn't here, but I better answer this phone. (clears throat and picks it up) ACME Crime Net!

Chief: This is your Chief.

Greg: Oh, hi, Chief! Where are ya now?

Chief: I am unavailable, due to classified business. I have left these taped voicemail instructions. Please dial 1 to continue.

Greg: Voicemail! I love voicemail. All right. (he dials 1, then looks at the Chief's papers) What's this?

Chief: Please do not touch my papers! Listen up!

Greg: (puts down the Chief's papers) Yeah.

Chief: 1st question: How close are you to catching Carmen Sandiego?

Dial 1 for: We got her,

2 for: We're extremely close,

or 3 for: As usual, she's evaded us 3 times, and we look like dopes.

Greg: Oh, I guess that would be 3. (he dials 3)

Chief: Well, I'm not surprised. 2nd question: How should we encourage the Gumshoes to work harder?

Dial 1 for: Threaten to fire them,

2 for: Poke them with sticks,

or 3 for: Offer the one who catches her a free trip anywhere in North America.

(applause)

Greg: Hmm... Ah! That's a tough choice. I'm gonna go with 3. (he dials 3 again)

Chief: Thank you. Inform the Gumshoes. 3rd question: How should I terminate our discussion?

Dial 1 for: Tell you you're a great guy,

2 for: Offer you a raise and a big office,

or 3 for: Set you up with my gorgeous cousin, Gladys.

Greg: Ooh! Uh, I'm gonna go, uh, 3-amundo! (he dials 3 again)

Chief: I thought you'd choose that one. Greg, go away. (disappointed, Greg hangs up)

Greg: You know, I don't need her. I'll dial Information. I'll get Gladys' number myself. That's no problem. (he dials Information and picks up the receiver)

Nasally Voice: (on phone) Hello. Information.

Greg: Uh, yeah. Calling for Gladys.

Voice: Gladys Who?

Greg: The Chief's gorgeous cousin.

Voice: Who's calling?

Greg: This is Greg.

Voice: Greg?

Greg: Yeah?

Voice: Go away. (the phone clicks, and Greg hangs up and exits the office)

Cur Cribs Curves [2.61]

[Vic the Slick steals Lombard Street]

NOTE: This episode contains two Gregs. Greg Lee, the host, and Greg Spatz, the Gumshoe. The lines will be revealed as "Greg" for Greg Lee, and "Greg S." for Greg Spatz.

Greg: (hears pounding coming from the alley) Wait a minute, something's goin' on in here. Let's, uh, go find out what it is. I'm not sure exactly. (enters the alley) Hey!

Scott: What?!

Greg: HEY!!

Scott: WHAT?!!

Greg: WHAT'S THE WORD ON THE STREET!?!?!

Scott: (stops pounding) Hey, man, you don't hafta yell. Greg, the Word on the Street is "industria". That means "industry" in Spanish. Now, industry's growin' really fast in Mexico, and Vic's in a city where about a quarter of all of Mexico's factories are located and they get their power through big natural gas pipeline that runs into the city from nearby Texas. (he and the rest of Rockapella resume pounding)

Greg: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Scott: What?!

Greg: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Scott: WHAT?!

Greg: I just, uh-- I just wanted to say thank you,... because courtesy still counts around here, Mister.

Greg: How do you feel, Greg?

Greg S.: I feel GOOD!

Greg: Yes, sir! Oh, yes!

Perfidious Party Poach [2.62]

[Double Trouble steal Trinidad and Tobago's Carnival.]

Double Trouble: Dance all night and eat all day. Say no more, we're on our way!

Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Zip that infernal chatter!

Greg: Mrs. Pumpkinclanger obviously has a bee in her bonnet. Gotta go talk to her again. Sorry, are we buggin' you again, Ms. P?

Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Again?! Try "constantly"! Those terrible twins are in a festival for the birthday of the monkey god. On a small island of the tip of the Melee Peninsula. It's quite a scene. Chinese mystics who claim to be possessed by the monkey god filling good trans and pills there tongues and teeth would spill. It's all good clean fun and everyone enjoys themselves. Now, go apprehend that dreadful duo, and leave me in peace! Please!

Greg: Okay. Often wonder what Mr. Pumpkinclanger's life must be like. Haven't you?

Swiping the Supremes [2.63]

[Patty Larceny steals the Supreme Court of the United States.]

Greg: It's now time for our second clue. So, listen very closely. This one comes in now-- We turn to a gal who is presently choreographing Madonna's next world tour. Nana Rap, whatcha got for us?

Nana Rap: Word to the gumshoes, Gregmeister. Let's rock the house! (rock music plays)

Alex Haley was the man, listen to what I say.

Trace an ancestor here named Corsican face.

Check out a map. A nation side a nation.

'Cause with Senegal, it forms a confederation.

They got beautiful beaches. Tourists soak up the rays.

And if you like wrestling, it's a national craze.

So, west African coast is where you'll pick up the trail.

Now, go bust Patty. Lock her up in jail!

You got the Nana! Nana-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Nana-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Nana. Ooh...

Greg: Nana Rap, ladies and gentlemen!

Carmen: Convene that court and move out fast. Head for a country where King Hammurabi once ruled.

Patty: Sure, Carmen. That was part of ancient Mesopotamia. It's where they created writing, and the wheel, and the 60-minute hour, and...

Carmen: And unfortunately for us, Patty, they created one of the first systems of law. Its main principle was the strong shall not injure the weak. Hah! Can you imagine?

Patty: Gee, Carmen, how did you ever learn so much about the law?

Carmen: I make it a point to know my enemy.

Scott (sings to the tune of The Supremes' "Stop! In the Name of Love" as the Supreme Court is revealed in the 2nd round): Stop! In the name of law!

The Waltz Whammy [2.64]

[Kneemoi steals the Waltzing Matilda.]

Carmen: ACME's closing in on you. Hide in the mountains of Morocco, south and east of Marrakech. If you want to blend in with the Berber women who live there, paint yourself with henna.

Kneemoi: What's henna, Carmen?

Carmen: A red dye made from the leaves of the henna plant. The Berber women use it to draw intricate patterns on their hands and feet.

Kneemoi: Which ones are my hands and which are my feet?

Carmen: Why do I bother? On second thought, just turn invisible.

Greg: (sees the picture going blurry) Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, HEY! What's goin' on here?! Exc--!

Dana: Greg, Greg, don't worry. We're just making some adjustments. You just keep workin' out there.

Greg: Come on, man!! I can't put up with this. You guys, I'm sorry. I'm gonna go upstairs and check on this. (sets off for ACME Control Net) You know, I usually try to keep a pretty good attitude around here. I'm sorry! I try to keep a good attitude, but this time, they're tickin' off the ol' Gregger!

Greg: Okay, it looks like everybody's made a decision. We have a tie game goin' on here. Kamala has 80, Jimill has 80, Felicia has 80, okay. So, here is the question and our final clue. Listen carefully. We have our next clue now comin' to us from field agent Maury Povich of Acme Mr. Connie Chung-Net. Watch.

Maury: Here's the news, gumshoes. Kneemoi whisked the Waltz to the city of Wheeling. Then, she went whitewater rafting on the New River. But the New River isn't really new. It's actually the oldest river in North America. At least that's what some geologists say. How do they know? Don't ask me. I'm not a geologist. I'm a talk show host. Good luck.

Greg: Okay, thanks a lot, Maury.

Jamill: Pearl S. Buck Home.

Greg: Pearl S. Buck Home.

(the Loot is revealed)

Rockapella: Filched folk tune!

Greg: (laughs) Go ahead, Jamill.

Jamill: New Vrindaban.

Greg: Ah, yes. New Vrindaban.

(Kneemoi is revealed)

Rockapella: Kneemoi!

Greg: Nice job. Now, you've found the loot. You also found Kneemoi, but remember you have to go in the right order. Loot, warrant, crook. So, Jamill, use some strategy. Be careful here.

Jamill: Uh,... State Capitol.

Greg: State Capitol.

(the Warrant is revealed)

Rockapella: The Warrant!

Greg: Okay, tough break. You got those out of order. We're gonna turn 'em back around. Felicia, your turn. Go ahead.

Felicia: Pearl S. Buck Home.

Greg: Pearl S. Buck Home.

(the Waltzing Matilda is revealed again)

Rockapella: Greg's favorite song!

Greg: (laughs) Go ahead, Felicia.

Felicia: State Capitol.

Greg: What is it?

Felicia: State Capitol.

Greg: State Capitol.

(the Warrant is revealed)

Rockapella: The Warrant!

Greg: You need one more.

Felicia: And New Vrindaban.

Greg: New Vrindaban.

(Kneemoi is revealed)

Rockapella: Kneemoi! YOU'VE WON! (performs fanfare, but stops quickly when Felicia starts going to the chain when the confetti is ready to fall)

Greg: Oh, yeah! And she's gone! The confetti! The confetti! Quick! Get under the confetti! Quick! Quick! (Felicia does) Okay, now come over here. All right! (Felicia starts pulling on the chain immediately when she arrives at it) Oh, and she's pulling! And it's in jail already! Pull it again! (foghorn sounds) All right, very good. That's good. (Rockapella does Kneemoi's in jail tune)

Greg: Congratulations! We have a happy person here! We have a happy person! (both he and Felica are bouncing up and down)

Greg: (after Felicia gets nothing in the map) Oh, tough break! That is a tough map. Give her a nice round of applause, you guys. (groans)

Gotta Get a Yeti [2.65]

[Wonder Rat steals the Yeti.]

NOTE: Tahare Campbell was eliminated from that episode, but only due to a geographical error, he returned in the Season 3 episode The Glacier Erasure

Carmen: Rat, that Yeti is drawing too much attention. Head for the Atlantic Coast of the United States. Hide out in Grover's Mill, a small town east of Princeton.

Wonder Rat: Aw, don't send me to the states, Carmen.

Carmen: You'll like it. The place is famous for a big media hoax. It happened on Halloween Eve in 1938. People were listening to their radios when they heard a report that space creatures were invading near Grover's Mill.

Wonder Rat: Gee, I didn't know Kneemoi hung out in the Garden State.

Carmen: It wasn't Kneemoi. It was a radio drama, but lots of people thought it was true and panicked.

Wonder Rat: Geez, if I could get that kind of attention, just think. Newspapers, magazines, CNN--

Carmen: FBI, criminal court, jail.

Wonder Rat: Yeah. Yeah. I'll stay outta sight.

Greg: Tahare, we're gonna start with you. You have 75 crime bucks. How much did you risk?

Tahare: (reveals his wager) I risked 50.

Greg: 50 crime bucks. What'd ya say?

Tahare: (reveals his answer) I said the Aegean Sea.

Greg: Sorry. It is not the Aegean Sea.

Rockapella: (sings to the tune of "Puff the Magic Dragon") Puff the Magic Yeti!

Chief: The is Lynne Thigpen speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" and remember, stealing never grants your wishes. You end up washing jailhouse dishes. (Due to a factual error in this game, Tahare Campbell has been invited to play a new game in our next season.)