Young Avengers

Young Avengers is a superhero comic book published by Marvel Comics, as part of Marvel Next. Written by Allan Heinberg.

Sidekicks

Issue 1

J. Jonah Jameson: Who the #*&% are the Young Avengers?

[The Young Avengers have just crashed through the window of a church.]

Iron Lad: Hulkling, what did I say about coming in through the rose window?

Hulkling: Patriot told me to.

Patriot: I did not! I suggested it.

[Kate Bishop just saved the Young Avengers]

Kate Bishop: Don't bother to thank me or anything.

Patriot: For what? I don't need a rescue! Especially not from a --

Kate Bishop: You will if you finish that sentence.

[The Young Avengers leave the church surrounded by press.]

Kat Farrel: Young Avengers? Kat Farrel, Daily Bugle.

Hulkling: "Young Avengers"?

Kat Farrel: What? You don't like the name?

Asgardian: It's a little on the nose, don't you think?

Hulkling: According to the Bugle, we're the Young Avengers.

Asgardian: Okay, before we call her, we have to come up with a better name.

Issue 2

Nurse: Who the #*$% are the Young Avengers?

Kate Bishop: Are you a... Young Avenger too?

Cassie Lang: Nope. But I'm gonna be.

Iron Lad: I'm supposed to become Kang. In the future.

Jessica Jones: Is this a time travel thing? 'Cause I hate time travel things.

Iron Man: If it's Kang, it's a time travel thing.

Jessica Jones: See, that's why I hate Kang. That and the conquering. His mask is weird too.

Captain America: It's more of a helmet, actually.

[After Hulkling was stabbed with a knife.]

Asgardian: You okay?

Hulkling: Yeah. Almost healed...

Patriot: The Incredible Hulkling.

Hulkling: That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Patriot: Tell me about it. I just got shot in the chest.

Asgardian: So who are these guys?

Patriot: Dealers. I caught 'em selling MGH in the park.

Hulkling: At the risk of sounding dangerously unhip, what's MGH?

Hulkling: So what do we do with the dealers?

Patriot: Leave 'em here, I guess.

Asgardian: With a note saying, "From your friendly neighborhood Young Avengers"? Because that'll stand up in court.

Patriot: You got a better idea?

Asgardian: Gee, let me check my super hero manual. Oh, wait, it's in my other tights.

Patriot: How old are you?

Cassie Lang: Fifteen.

Patriot: No, seriously, how old are you?

Cassie Lang: Seriously, I'm fifteen. In June.

Issue 3

Kate Bishop: Patriot? You're going to be hearing this a lot, but let me be the first to say it (pointing at Captain America) "Why can't you be more like him?"

[Growing man has split into several smaller robots]

Asgardian: Okay, this completely violates Growing Man continuity.

Iron Lad: What do we do?

Hulkling: We're fanboys, aren't we? So, we collect them all.

Issue 4

Patriot: Hulkling, break it down.

Hulkling: How?

Patriot: I though you had super strength.

Hulkling: I thought you had super strength.

Kang: If I don't return young Kang to his proper place in the timestream...

Captain America: Then he'll never become Kang the Conqueror.

Iron Man: And you will cease to exist.

Jessica Jones: Yeah, I'm not seeing the downside.

[After Kate reveals her makeshift costume made of Avengers members' weapons.]

Patriot: Who are you supposed to be? Hawkingbird?

Iron Lad: I came to the Avengers for help, Captain. I won't make that mistake again.

Iron Man: Hulkling, get off!

Hulkling: I'm afraid I can't do that, sir.

Iron Man: In that case... I hope you can fly.

Issue 5

Patriot: Kate's right.

Kate Bishop: I'm sorry, did Patriot just admit that I'm--

Cassie: Yep

[Iron Lad takes off his armor and stands there in nothing but a tank top and apparently boxer shorts]:

Iron Lad: Without my armor, I'm powerless...

Cassie: We'll protect you.

Iron Lad: ...And a little underdressed.

Asgardian: Want my cape?

Iron Lad: Thanks, but it's the not-wearing-pants that concerns me.

[Kate fires an arrow at Kang.]

Hulkling: Quick question? Have you ever used one of those before?

Kate Bishop: Every summer at Interlochen National Music Camp. I also play the cello.

Vision: I am... VISION.

Issue 6

[Before stepping through the portal to return to his own era.]

Iron Lad: I just want you guys to know... I loved being a Young Avenger.

Kate Bishop: We can't just stop because Captain America thinks we're too young.

Cassie Lang: What about our parents?

Hulkling: My mom would kill me.

Asgardian: My mom would institutionalize me. My dad would kill me.

Kate Bishop: What can Cap and Iron Man really do to us?

Cassie Lang: They can't take away our powers.

Kate Bishop: Those of us that have powers.

Cassie Lang: And they can't arrest us, because we haven't broken any laws.

Kate Bishop: Yet.

Kate Bishop: So Billy, about your new codename.

Asgardian: Why do I need a new codename?

Kate Bishop: Because you're not an asgardian, you're a warlock. Plus, you need a name that won't become a national joke when the press finds out about you and Teddy.

Asgardian: I definitely need a new codename.

Kate Bishop: Stature and I were thinking--

Hulkling: Wait, who?

Cassie Lang: That's my new codename... Stature.

Asgardian: And mine is?

Kate Bishop: Wiccan.

Asgardian: Wiccan... I don't hate it.

Asgardian: So we're just going to come right out and tell our parents we're super heroes?

Hulkling: Might as well. We're gonna have to come out to them at some point.

Kate Bishop: The thing is, even if we do tell our parents...

Cassie Lang: ... It doesn't mean Cap and Iron Man are going to approve.

Patriot: They're not going to approve... but since when has that ever stopped us?

Secret Identities

Issue 7

News Broadcast: Police confirmed that the teen heroes apprehended the masked criminal known as the Shocker, before recovering over two million dollars in cash.

Spider-Man: Making the Shocker look like an idiot. Which -- granted -- isn't tough, but it is always entertaining.

Rebecca Kaplan: Billy Kaplan, if you don't get in here right now and eat breakfast with your family, you run the risk of developing antisocial behaviors, scoring lower on standardized tests, and not getting into the college of your choice.

Jeff Kaplan: Honey, don't tell him that.

Rebecca Kaplan: It's true. There've been studies.

Hulkling: Well, your parents are in a good mood.

Wiccan: Annoying, isn't it?

Hulkling: Which means you haven't told them yet.

Wiccan: And ruin a perfectly annoying good mood?

Wiccan: Mom? Dad? There's something you should know. And it might be hard to deal with at first, but--

Rebecca Kaplan: It's okay, Honey. We know. We've always known.

Jeff Kaplan: I didn't. Your mother had to tell me.

Rebecca Kaplan: And what you have to know is, we love you, we're proud of you... (grabs Billy and Teddy in a hug) And we're just so happy you boys found each other.

Jeff Kaplan: Welcome to the family, Ted. Now how do you want those eggs?

Hulkling: You come out to your folks yet?

Stature: Almost. You?

Hulkling: Nope. But Billy did.

Wiccan: Yeah... just not in the way I intended to.

Kate Bishop: Uh-oh.

Wiccan: The good news is my parents think Teddy's the perfect son-in-law.

Stature: That's amazing.

Wiccan: That bad news is that Captain America is gonna show up and tell them he's also a shape shifter.

Hulkling: And that their son is a practicing witch.

Wiccan: Warlock.

Hulkling: Whatever.

[Regarding Patriot.]

Wiccan: You think he told his grandma the truth and she--?

Kate Bishop: What? Locked him in his room? Eli's a super-soldier. Even if his grandma wanted to stop him. There's nothing she can do.

Wiccan: She can make him feel guilty.

Kate Bishop: Except that.

Wiccan: And grandma guilt is the worst.

[Regarding Hulkling and Wiccan]

Stature: They're lucky. No matter what happens, they have each other. And you have Eli.

Kate Bishop: What?!?

Stature: I was just saying...

Kate Bishop: I DO NOT have Eli. All we do is fight.

Stature: Gee, why do you think THAT is?

Issue 8

Patriot: Can you take me back in time so I can maybe... fix all this?

Vision: I can take you to the meeting room so you can fix all this.

Patriot: When Iron Lad told me he was in trouble -- that he needed a super-soldier -- I lied and told him he'd found one. And then I did what I had to do to become one.

Family Matters

Issue 9

Hulkling: Excuse me sir, but that purse...? (stretches arm to grab purse snatcher) ...it doesn't really go with your shoes.

Kate Bishop: Can I ask a terrible question?

Hulkling: "How do I know my mom's not a skrull?"

Kate Bishop: That's the one.

Hulkling: Because she's my mom. She sells real estate, she does pilates, she's not a skrull.

Kate Bishop: What about your dad?

Hulkling: He died before I was born, cancer.

Kate Bishop: I'm sorry.

Hulkling: But my mom said he was a good guy.

Issue 10

Jarvis: The Super-Skrull...?

Wiccan: He kidnapped Teddy, murdered Teddy's mom, and destroyed my parents' apartment. My mom is freaking.

Vision: What if I could locate more?

Patriot: More Avengers?

Vision: No... more Young Avengers.

Vision: Thomas Shepherd. Sixteen years old. Springfield, New Jersey.

Patriot: What's his speciality?

Vision: According to the Avengers fail-safe program, he's a speedster.

Wiccan: What's he gonna do? Outrun the Super-Skrull? Who's next on the list?

Vision: Thomas can also use his speed to accelerate and destabilize atomic matter.

Wiccan: What does that even mean?

Kate Bishop: It means he can blow stuff up.

Wiccan: Let's go get him.

Stature: Eli says you have Iron Lad's... brain patterns... his memories... but you're not Iron Lad. Are you?

Vision: He and I have much in common, but... no.

Patriot: Vision, what were you thinking?

Kate Bishop: Eli, relax. It's just juvie.

Patriot: "Just juvie"?

Vision: You wanted someone powerful.

Patriot: I wanted a Young Avenger. Not a Young Master of Evil.

Wiccan: Why is Thomas here?

Vision: He accidentally vaporized his school.

Patriot: Accidentally?

Vision: According to his attorneys.

[Wiccan and Thomas share a strong resemblance.]

Stature: Woah... you guys could be... twins.

Thomas Shepherd: Wait... I know you. The Young Avengers. You're the shape-shifter, right?

Stature: No, his boyfriend's the shape-shifter. He's the warlock.

Wiccan: Witch, actually. "Warlock" means "Oath-Breaker." It's not a nice word.

Thomas Shepherd: They've kept me locked up for months... testing me... probing me... trying to turn me into a living weapon. Well, congratulations officers... it worked.

Patriot: We didn't come here to free a super-powered teenage terrorist. We're here to rescue a superhero. So, what's it going to be?

Hulkling: Billy?

Thomas Shepherd: Nope. Do we really look that much alike?

[Regarding Hulkling.]

Kree Warrior: It's alright, child. The Super-Skrull will not harm you -- or anyone -- ever again. The Kree army protects its own... and you are one of us.

Issue 11

Kate: [About unconscious Kree] What do we do with them?

Wiccan: I could try a teleportation spell, but with so many people...

Thomas Shepherd: Can I make a suggestion?

Kate: You're not vaporizing them, Tommy

Thomas Shepherd: Damn.

Wiccan: Why do I bother. He never listens.

Hulkling: I heard that.

Wiccan: Oh, sure. NOW he listens.

Hulkling: HOLD YOUR FIRE!

Wiccan: They're not listening. A trait which I now realise is obviously genetic on both sides.

Hulkling: I am the son of the Kree Captain Mar-Vell and the Skrull princess Anelle...

Wiccan: ...Which unfortunately rhymes...

Hulkling: ...and I urge you to cease fire, so we can settle this without bloodshed!

(Fight breaks up, everyone looks in Hulkling's direction.)

Hulkling: Wow...it worked. I can't believe it. I guess it just goes to show you what can happen if you reach out and--

Wiccan: Um...Ted?

(Iron Man, Spider-Woman and the Sentry fly past Hulkling; they are the center of attention.)

Iron Man: It's alright kids, we'll take it from here.

(Captain America cradles Patriot's critically-injured body, while three-sided fight breaks out around them)

Captain America: Don't worry, everything's going to be all right.

Issue 12

Thomas Shepherd: I thought avengers weren't supposed to Kill.

Wolverine: Relax junior. They're SKRULLS. They grow back. Eventually

Thomas Shepherd: in that case.. (see SKRULL explosioned)

Wolverine: You're sick, kid. I like it.

Speed: Just so I know: are we going to stand here and bicker all day or are we going to go fight the bad guys?

Stature: Usually we manage to do both at the same time. We're good like that.

Young Avengers Special

Stature: You're not my father.

Blake: No, your father was a convicted felon--

Stature: Shut up! My father paid his debt to society and became a hero!

Hulkling: If you think about it... there's no such thing as normal. Normal doesn't exist. Every single person on the planet is entirely different from every other person on the planet. Which means you can be average. You can be typical. But kids don't end up killing themselves -- or taking guns to school -- because they want to be typical. They want to be normal. More then anything. And until very recently... so did I.

Scarlet Witch: You're bleeding.

Wiccan: Sorry. I thought it stopped.

Scarlet Witch: What happened?

Wiccan: I kinda got punched in the face. Repeatedly.

Scarlet Witch: Why?

Wiccan: Because I'm... different.

Scarlet Witch: A mutant?

Wiccan: I wish.

Scarlet Witch: No, you don't, believe me. Being a mutant only makes people want to punch you more.

Jessica Jones: So, what do I tell Kat Farrel?

Wiccan: She's going to do the story anyway, right? We might as well give her the real story.

Jessica Jones: I have to warn you: she'll probably ask if the rumors about you guys are true.

Hulkling: Should we tell her?

Jessica Jones: That's up to you.

Hulkling: Did you talk to the press when you were a super hero Ms. Jones?

Jessica Jones: Nope. But you guys are more together at sixteen than I ever was so...

Wiccan: What do you think?

Hulkling: Why not? Besides... why should Northstar have all the fun?

Kate Bishop: Life is short... and it doesn't matter how good your grades are -- or how many hours you put in at the soup kitchen... you're not safe. Bad things happen. Things you can't control. Things that have nothing to do with you. And they will destroy you if you let them. Or you can try to learn from them... so that next time, you'll be prepared. So that -- even if you never feel safe again -- you can do your best to make sure that what happned to you never happens to anyone else. And if you're very lucky... you won't have to do it alone.

Patriot: I didn't take steroids because I wanted to be a hero, Ms. Jones. I took them because I was ashamed.

Patriot: I reached for the pills in my pocket... but it was over before I could take one. The black Captain America is no myth. He's my grandfather. And I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to carry on his legacy...

Luke Cage: So, when our baby girl wants to be a Young Avenger, you'll be okay with that?

Jessica Jones: At this point, I want to be a Young Avenger.

Civil War: Runaways/Young Avengers

Issue 1

Hulkling: What'd he say?

Wiccan: "No." And I don't think he's changing his mind... He had that look on his face.

Speed: (pointing at Patriot)Oh, like that look?

Wiccan: IwillfindThePrideskidsIwillfindThePrideskids-

Speed: Hey, do you really have to do that every time you cast a spell?

Hulkling: Do you really have to complain every time he casts a spell?

Molly Hayes: Why do you Avengers keep trying to hurt us?!

Wiccan: What- no! We're the Young Avengers!

Molly Hayes: You don't look very "young" to me!

Speed: Well, yeah. What are you, like, eight?

Molly Hayes: I'm twelve, jerk! And I'm a mutant with super-strength... so that's like being thirteen at least!

Issue 2

Xavin: What are you guys, blind?! I'm a super-skrull in training from tarnax VII! I don't even look like the great Kl'Rt!

Hulkling: Yeah, well I don't like to be un-P.C... but you all look alike to us!

Wiccan: Wait. You're dating a Skrull?!

Karolina Dean: K-Kind of... You got a problem with that?!

Wiccan: N-No! Hnn... I kind of am too...

Speed: Look, here's the deal. We've got a super-soldier, a giant girl, a robot from the 30th century, a Skrull/Kree super-soldier, Billy (who, yeah, is kind of lame, but can cast spells), an Olympic class archer and martial artist, and... me. And really, me's all you need. So tell me, whattayou got that makes you think you shouldn't just give up?

Hawkeye: We're the Young Avengers...

Nico Minoru: Wait, like deputies?

Nico Minoru: (to Vision) Well, if it isn't the not-so-friendly ghost!

Patriot & Hawkeye are arguing with Chase Stein & Nico Minoru, when everyone is distracted by a large explosion.

Speed: Uh... She made me.

Molly Hayes: Guys! Tommy can make rocks blow up!

Xavin: I apologize for my outburst earlier. We skrulls are not known for our patience.

Wiccan: Shhh. You don't have to tell me. Teddy's half Skrull himself... All of him's impatient, though.

Issue 3

Chase: The time to be runaways is over... it's time to do some avenging.

Issue 4

(The group breaks into a prison, using a creature summoned by Nico's magic)

Nico: 'Prodigium Effodio' - What does that mean again?

Vision: Excavating monster. It's latin.

Nico: Damn. How much time did you spend in the library?

Vision: I am a library.

The Warden is disecting Hulkling in stocks, realizing that his shifting biomass means he will continue to heal and protect himself, while Wiccan, also in stocks, is forced to watch.

Warden: It just means I get to cut and cut and cut for days on end and he won't die.

Wiccan: IwanthimtogotosleepIwanthimtogotosleep

Warden: And you get to watch. Isn't that grand?

Wiccan: Iwanthimtogotosleep...

Warden: Come now... surely you have something to say to me.

Wiccan: (in tears) I want you to die.

Hulkling: The Young Avengers don't kill...

Xavin: Your own team-mate wanted this insect dead just minutes ago!

Wiccan: I thought he was going to kill Teddy... That wasn't me talking. God, I hope that wasn't me...

Nico: We'll leave the Avenging to you guys.

Patriot: And what about you? You're just going to walk away?

Nico: Take my advice. When the world goes crazy you run...You Runaway.

Young Avengers Presents

Speed and Wiccan

Speed: [Referring to The Hulkling and Wiccan] You Guys are getting pretty hot and heavy, huh? Watch it, bro; remember what they say about mixed marriages...They never work.

Wiccan My name is Billy Kaplan and it's official: I have the coolest girlfriend ever

Hulkling: Hey--

Wiccan: Yeah?

Hulkling: --I like you. A lot. I'm glad you weren't gone long.

Wiccan: My name is Billy Kaplan...and right now, right at this moment in time, in history, there's no past, there's no future, there's just this. And it's magic.

Secret Invasion: Runaways/Young Avengers

Young Avengers(2013)

Issue 1

Hulkling: So America are you doing anything tonight”

America Chavez: i don’t know I might fix my bike why?”

Issue 2

Loki: And in passing, as a pagan deity, I must say that is a terrible name. Are you even a Wiccan?

Wiccan: What should I do?

Loki: Well, I've got a list of suggestions for alternate pseudonyms you could pursue--

Wiccan: Not about that!

Loki: Well, I'll go and perform my personal favorite summoning ritual of all time. (goes to counter to order)Bacon engulfed in a floury roll! With the ketchup condiment! (waits for bacon sandwich)

Loki: Glad you agree. Bacon really is magic.

Issue 3

[fighting Laufey]

Wicca: You know... this looked way more fun in Fellowship.

[America flies arrives in the nick of time]

America Chavez: Everyone good?

Hulkling: I don't know who you are or why you're flying around like a guardian angel, but please keep doing that.

Wiccan: Kate keeps on texting about Skrulls and cute boys.

Hulkling: Two of my favorite topics.

Wiccan: I'm saying we're in deep trouble. Also, hugs.

Loki: It seems we're all thin this together. How to unravel the mess--

America Chavez: You can't trust him.

Wiccan: Er... Yes. We know.

Hulkling: (does air quotes) 'Loki.'

Loki: Loan me your power.

(is received with unanimous glares)

Loki: Just for ten minutes. I use it to cast the spell and... well, the problem goes away.

(glaring intensifies)

Loki: What?!

Wiccan: I wouldn't lend you an eraser let along power over reality.

Issue 4

Marvel Boy: Come with me if you want to be awesome.

[Avenger's mansion]

Thor: The kingdom of slumber escapes you, Captain?

Captain America: You could say that. Though, only you would actually put it like that, Thor.

(ship flying outside window)

Captain America:Anything up?

(battle ensues in background)

Thor: Nay.

Hulkling: Guys, we need a plan.

America Chavez: Punch everyone.

Hawkeye: One that goes further than punching everyone. Surely one of you guys must have had a plan.

Loki: I've given my best solution already--

Hawkeye: What was that--

Wiccan: We're not doing it. NO way am I giving him my powers, not even for ten minutes.

Loki: Okay, here's plan B! (points at Wiccan) Kill Master Kaplan!

Loki: Wait. Laufey isn't.... Ohmy. Wiccan! Good news! We don't have to kill you! I've got a new plan. Loan me your power for ten minutes!

Wiccan: That was your first plan, Loki.

Loki: I know! But this time I'm not trying to trick you!

Wiccan: You were trying to trick m--

Loki: No, I wasn't. I'm joking.

Loki: There's no time to explain. Loan me the power.

Wiccan: Lokihasmypowersfortenminutes.

Loki: Oh, wow, thanks! I thought you were going to be terribly stubborn and I'd have to die here along with anyone else. And you have no idea how disagreeable that'd be.

Wiccan: Now what do we--

Loki: (teleports away with Wiccan's powers)

Wiccan: . . . . My fault. I don't know what to say.

America Chavez: Oh yeah? I do. But you guys are rated PG-13.

Issue 5

Kid Loki(spirit): Loki's the bad guy! Sauron multiplied by that anti-Dumbledore guy cubed! His alignment is totally chaotic evil! He sends misgynist abuse for the lulz! His clothes are green but his heart is black. Everyone knows that... Except that Loki died. And then he was resurrected as a little boy, and that darling, innocent, winsome and very attractive boy strove to change. He did. And then, just when he proved Loki didn't have to be a bad guy.... A phantom copy of his dead self annihilated his soul and took over his body. Honestly, it was really tragic. Everyone was crying. ...Actually, no one was because no one knows and no one will ever know.... And Loki's got a precious little life to misuse. And now he thinks he can steal a chunk of that Wiccan guy for good, as he thinks he can get what he wants with it.... Because that's just how Loki rolls, right?

Loki: Shut up. You're not real.

Kid Loki: Of course I'm not real. I'm a guilty conscience, Hamlet! And aren't you the tragic little prince?

Loki: This body does not just confound my power. It confounds my nature.

Kid Loki: Aww, diddums! Poor you! Well, we can't make a Hamlet without breaking a few eggs.

Loki: That pun makes me glad I killed you!

Kid Loki: No it doesn't.

[everyone's strength just increased]

Hawkeye: What's happening?

Loki: I'm happening.

External links

Wikipedia

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Young Avengers