Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., or simply Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., is an American television series created for ABC by Joss Whedon, Jed Whedon and Maurissa Tancharoen, based on the Marvel Comics organization S.H.I.E.L.D. (Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division)
- Leo Fitz: [to Agent Ward] One of Coulson's old S.H.I.E.L.D. collectibles. Flamethrowers, world's first GPS. He's made for this crap.
- Phil Coulson: [to the SHIELD C-17 loadmaster regarding his classic Corvette] Don't touch Lola.
- Fitz: And he calls it a girl's name.
- Coulson: Lola's not just a collectible, you know. People tend to confuse the words "new" and "improved".
- Maria Hill: What does S.H.I.E.L.D. stand for, Agent Ward?
- Grant Ward: Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.
- Maria: And what does that mean to you?
- Ward: It means someone really wanted our initials to spell out "shield." It means we're the line between the world and the much weirder world. We protect people from news they aren't ready to hear. And when we can't do that, we keep them safe.
- Ward: Something turns up like this Chitauri neural link... we get to it before someone bad does.
- Maria: Any idea who Vanchat was planning to sell it to?
- Ward: I'm more interested in how this Rising Tide group found out about it. I thought they were just hackers. What changed?
- Maria: Everything's changing. A little while ago, most people went to bed thinking that the craziest thing in the world was a billionaire in a flying metal suit. Then aliens invade New York then were beaten back by, among others, a giant green monster, a costumed hero from the 40's, and a god.
- Ward: I don't think Thor's technically a god.
- Maria: Well, you haven't been near his arms.
- Maria: The battle of the New York was the end of the world. This - now - is the new world. People are different. They have access to tech, to formula, secrets they're not ready for.
- Ward: Why was I pulled out of Paris?
- Maria: That, you'll have to ask Agent Coulson.
- Ward: Uh, yeah. I'm clearance Level Six. I know that... Agent Coulson was killed in action before the battle of New York. Got the full report.
- Coulson: [Steps out of the dark] Welcome to Level Seven. [Beat] Sorry, that corner was really dark and I couldn't help myself; I think there's a bulb out.
[Coulson and Ward are interrogating Skye]
- Coulson: This is QMB-T16. It's the top-shelf martini of sodium-penthasol derivatives. It's a very potent and extremely fast-acting truth drug. Don't worry, effects only last about an hour.
- Ward: And then you'll have a nice little nap. And we'll know everything... [Coulson injects Ward with the serum] Gah, what the hell?!
- Coulson: I'm sorry, did that hurt?
- Ward: ...No. But you've lost your mind. You should never do that do a fellow member of your team. And yes, it did hurt a little bit. But I always try to mask my pain in front of beautiful women because I think it makes me seem more masculine- my God this stuff works fast.
- Coulson: [To Skye] Still don't trust us? Ask him whatever you like.
- Ward: Wait a minute...you can't just... THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT PROTOCOL!!
- Skye: Usually one person doesn't solve the solution, but 100 people with 1% of the solution that will get it done. I think that's beautiful, pieces solving a puzzle.
- Ward: You and I see the world differently.
- Ward: Where's your side arm?
- Melinda May: If I need a gun, I'll take one.
- Ward: Right, I forgot I was working with "The Cavalry."
- May: Don't ever call me that.
[later, caught in a standoff with Peruvian soldiers]
- Ward: You should've taken more guns.
- Skye: I don't even know where we are going.
- Coulson: Peru. That's where the 084 was reported.
- Skye: And an 0-8-4 is?
- Coulson: Object of unknown origin, kind of like you. Team goes in determines if it's useful or poses a threat. Last one turned out to be pretty interesting.
- Skye: What was the last one?
- Coulson: A hammer.
- Skye: Sweet ride.
- Coulson: I earned a little good will from Director Fury when I got hit right before the battle of New York.
- Skye: You took a bullet?
- Coulson: "ish".
The Asset [1.03]
- Coulson: You forget, I saw plenty of action with the Avengers.
- May: [Coulson walks away. Quietly to herself] And you died.
- Quinn's Main Guard: [after Skye takes Quinn's gun] Kid's got balls.
- Skye: Thanks, but yuck.
- Ian Quinn: But do you have what it takes to pull the trigger?
- Skye: ...Nope. [Skye turns around, jumps off the balcony and into the pool]
Eye Spy [1.04]
- Skye: If you think this woman deserves a second chance, we should give it to her. Even though she tried to kill me and I kinda hate her guts.
- May: Bus to short bus.
- Ward: Go for short bus.
- Coulson: Next time I'll decide what we call ourselves, ok?
- Skye: So you asked how she could have cracked the system. I have a pitch, but it's way outside the box.
- Coulson: I live outside the box.
- Skye: What's up Phil?
- Coulson: I prefer you not call me Phil.
- Skye: Ok, you're the boss AC.
- Coulson: Have you seen Skye?
- Grant Ward: Not since weapons training.
- Coulson: She stop saying bang when she pulls the trigger?
- Ward: Mostly. Now if she can just learn the difference between the safety release and the magazine release, we will be making real progress.
- Coulson: Maybe I should learn to fly. It's not too late right? I could learn. What do you like best, freedom, the view?
- May: The solitude.
- Coulson: ...Got it.
[Fitz and Ward are playing poker on the plane]
- Ward: ...I call, and raise a hundred.
- Fitz: Do you know how I'm gonna beat you?
- Ward: By losing?
- Fitz: You have a tell. A psychological tick that lets me know you're bluffing. If I watch you carefully... [louder, into his earpiece] If I watch you carefully...
- Skye: Oh, sorry. One minute. [Grabs the eye-spy x-ray glasses] You know that if I do this, I'll not only see Ward's cards, I'll see you without any clothes on?
- Fitz: ...I fold, you win. [Leaves]
Girl in the Flower Dress [1.05]
- Skye: Did you just give me a compliment?
- Ward: I - no, I made a comment.
- Skye: A kind one. Did it physically hurt to do that? Do you need an ice pack? [Ward smiles]
- Skye: Wow! A compliment and a smile.
- Miles Lydon: You've changed.
- Skye: Good.
- Miles: I mean, you're not who you used to be.
- Skye: And you're not who I thought you were.
- Miles: I hope you find what you're looking for.
- Raina: You need a similar name. More powerful name. A name like... Scorch.
- Chen Ho Yin: Scorch? You're joking.
- Raina: Have you ever heard of Steve Rogers? No. Captain America, now he's on the news and lunch box and a poster on the wall.
- Coulson: Go ahead, say it.
- May: I don't do petty.
- Coulson: But you called it. I trusted my gut even though you said she was a risk.
- May: When someone breaks into my house, I usually don't invite them to stay. But that's me.
- Coulson: That's me too. Then that alien staff went through my heart.
- May: Sure it didn't go through the brain?
- Coulson: You really don't do comforting either, do you?
- Coulson: Mr. Chan, believe it or not, this could still get worse!
- Chen: Bend someone long enough and they break. Poor little Chan Ho Yen may have believed your lies... but not Scorch!
- May: Who?
- Coulson: Ah, crap... they gave him a name.
- Fitz: Here's the new Night-Light pistol. [Ward tries it out]
- Ward: ...It's an ounce too heavy.
- Fitz: An ounce too... An OUNCE isn't going to make much difference.
- Ward: An ounce can be the difference between a good shot in the wind and rain, or a miss. Lose the ounce. [leaves]
- Fitz: [Imitating Ward] I'm Agent Grant Ward. I can shoot the legs off a flea at 500 yards, as long as it's not windy.
- Jemma Simmons: [Imitating Ward] I'm Agent Grant Ward, and I could rupture your spleen with my left pinky... blindfolded. [Ward arrives]
- Ward: What's going on?
- Simmons: Here. [Hands him the gun] We took care of that extra ounce.
[Simmons and Ward are talking after Ward saved Simmons' life when she jumped from the plane because she had contracted an alien disease.]
- Simmons: About the Night-Light pistol...we didn't actually remove the extra ounce.
- Ward: I know. After all...[imitates the others imitating him] I'm Agent Grant Ward. I just jumped out of a plane without a parachute on, saved your life.
- Simmons: Actually, that's not quite it. It's a bit more nasilly than that.
The Hub [1.07]
[Coulson, Ward, and May are being briefed on a special assignment to disarm a nuclear device]
- Agent Victoria Hand: I need a two man team to sneak over the border, find the device, and disarm it within the next 48 hours. And you have two people who fit my bill.
- May: Ready to go.
- Ward: I was in Georgia when the incurson occured. I still have contacts on the other side of the border.
- Hand: And you'll need them. But, we don't have specs on the device, so I need someone on your team who can recognize and dismantle it on sight.
- Ward: ...Do you mean...
- Coulson: I think she does...
[Camera cuts to the commons area, where Fitz is arriving to meet Simmons and Skye with a cart full of tech. The door opens.]
- Fitz: I found a localized EMP, plus a few other party favors. [The door closes when the cart's halfway through] Oh, come on. What the... Open. It's stuck. [Coulson, Ward, and May arrive] The cart's stuck. [Fitz pulls open the door and turns back to the front of the cart] That's unbelieveable. [The door closes again] WHAT THE HELL?! Who designed this?! In the Hub, of all places! [He shoves the cart out the door, which closes on him.] Oh, that's... [Door closes, cutting off his voice]
- Ward: ...Seriously?
The Well [1.08]
- Ward: Don't say I never gave you anything.
- Fitz: Checking for alien spectrographic signatures one teeny rock at a time.
- Ward: Necessary precaution. We don't want anything alien getting in the wrong hands.
- Fitz: Still, this is definitely the type of work for a monkey could easily do.
- Ward: You are our little monkey.
- Skye: You guys may think it's old news, but it's new... news to everybody else. So, Asgardians are aliens from another planet that visited us thousands of years ago?
- Coulson: Or more.
- Skye: And because we couldn't understand aliens, we thought they were gods?
- Coulson: That's where our Norse mythology comes from.
- Skye: That's too crazy. Do you think other deities are aliens, too? Vishnu for sure, right?
- Coulson: You know, it'd be nice, for once, Thor and his people sent down the God of Cleaning Up After Yourself. They probably have a magic broom for this kind of thing.
- Coulson: I can't think of a single time when anything alien in human hands ended well.
- Skye: Wouldn't mind getting my human hands on Thor. He's so dreamy...
- Coulson: Sure, he's handsome, but-
- May: No. He's dreamy. [Walks on. The other two stare after her, somewhat surprised.]
- Coulson: How you doing, Agent Ward?
- Ward: Wishing I was shorter. Nothing yet. All my readings are normal.
- Coulson: What about you, Skye? Any luck?
- Skye: I'm lucky my S.O. volunteered to take the super-creepy hallway instead of the slightly less creepy dungeon-room...place.
- May: People believe what they want to believe to justify their actions.