Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
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Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy is a 2004 comedy starring Will Ferrell that is a tongue-in-cheek take on the culture of the 70s as seen through a local TV news team where one female reporter struggles to become the first female "anchorman." This film is released theaters July 9, 2004 in United States.
- Directed by Adam McKay.
Ron Burgundy [edit]
- You stay classy, San Diego!
- What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? I'm not even mad; that's impressive.
- We've been going to the same party every night for 12 years now...and in no way is that depressing.
- I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!!!
Dialogue [edit]
- Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal.
- Veronica Corningstone: Really.
- Ron Burgundy: People know me.
- Veronica Corningstone: Well, I'm very happy for you.
- Ron Burgundy: Um, I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
- Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?
- Brian Fantana: Panda Watch! The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I, uh, Ching King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said "No, you can't do that, he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off." [to the Panda] Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out here, panda jerk!
- Ron Burgundy: Great story. Compelling and rich. Well, that's going to do it for all of us here at Channel 4 News. You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?
- Ed Harken: Damn it! Who typed a question mark on the teleprompter?! For the last time, anything you put on that prompter, Burgundy will read!
- Brian Fantana: I mean come on, Ed, it's bullcrap! Don't get me wrong, I loves the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom!
- Champ Kind: It is anchorman, not anchorlady! And that is a scientific fact!
- Brick Tamland: I don't know what we're yelling about!
- Brian Fantana: You're with us, Ron, what do you think?
- Ron Burgundy: Shit! Sh-- it's terrible! She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon!
- Brian Fantana: Mm-hmm!
- Brick Tamland: LOUD NOISES!!!
- Ed Harken: Look, she's not gonna take anyone's airtime, okay?
- Brick Tamland: [voice quavering] I heard somewhere their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation!
- Brian Fantana: [somberly] Well that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.
- Brian Fantana: I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.
- [opens door to reveal different types of colognes]
- Ron Burgandy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne are you gonna go with? London gentleman or... wait... No. No. No. Hold on... Blackbeard's Delight?
- Brian Fantana: No. She gets a special cologne. It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries. Yep. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
- Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent. [cringes] It's a formidable scent; it stings the nostrils in a good way.
- Brian Fantana: [daubing the cologne on his neck] Yup.
- Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
- Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.
- Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make any sense.
- Brian Fantana: Well, let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
- [Brian puts on Sex Panther cologne]
- Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell?
- Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire, my lady.
- Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper filled with Indian food! Oh, excuse me.
- Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people.
- Garth Holliday: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair! [Another woman passes by Brian and reacts in disgust]
- News Station Employee: It smells like Bigfoot's dick!
- [Almost all of the employees flee the office to avoid the smell, which is so strong that it sets off the fire alarm]
- Brian Fantana: [Tries to act casual and walk away] Woah, what's that smell?
- [Cuts to Brian being jet-hosed in the parking lot]
- Hoser: This is worse than the time the raccoon got in the copier!
- Veronica Corningstone: [Picks up phone] Veronica Corningstone.
- Ron Burgundy: Hello. This is your doctor. I have your pregnancy results here, and guess what? You, you got knocked up, so you should probably get out of news.
- Veronica Corningstone: Who is this?
- Ron Burgundy: This is Doctor Chim. Dr. Chim Richalds. Richalds.
- Veronica Corningstone: Is this you, Ron?
- Ron Burgundy: I'm a professional doctor, you saw me. You don't remember. You were drunk. You should--you should go, you should get out of news.
- Veronica Corningstone: This is pathetic.
- Ron Burgundy: You're pathetic. [hangs up]
- Champ Kind: How'd it go?
- Ron Burgundy: I think she bought it.
- Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, I am a professional and I would like to be able to do my job.
- Ron Burgundy: Crack a wank!
- Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
- Ron Burgundy: I'm not a baby, I'm a man! I am an anchorman!
- Veronica Corningstone: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke!
- Ron Burgundy: I'm a man who discovered the wheel, and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn! That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of ours. It's science.
- Ron Burgundy: Mmm. San Diego. Drink it in, it always goes down smooth. Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diago, which of course in German means "a whale's vagina".
- Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct.
- Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
- Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean "Saint Diego"?
- Ron Burgundy: No. No.
- Veronica Corningstone: No, that's--that's what it means. Really.
- Ron Burgundy: Well. Agree to disagree.
- Ron Burgundy: Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?
- Brick Tamland: I don't know.
- Champ Kind: What's this?
- Wes Mantooth: Well, well, well, Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4 News Team.
- Ron Burgundy: Hello, Wes Mantooth, Hello, Evening News team.
- Wes Mantooth: Hey, nice clothes, gentlemen. I didn't know that the Salvation Army was having a sale. [giggles] Am I right? Am I right? Look at these guys!
- Brick Tamland: Hey! Where did you get those clothes, at the toilet store?
- Wes Mantooth: What are you doing on our station's turf, Burgundy? You're about to get a serious beat down.
- Champ Kind: I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!
- Wes Mantooth: [enraged] Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me? Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
- Ron Burgundy: Hey, leave the mothers out of this. It's unnecessary. Besides, I'm sure Wes here is just upset about finishing second in the ratings again. [Brian winces]
- Wes Mantooth: That's completely uncalled for, Burgundy. You know those rating systems are flawed. They don't take in account houses that have, uh, more than two television sets, and other things of that nature.
- Ron Burgundy: I guess I have to take you at your word, No. 2. You have a great day, fellas, we'll see you around the bend.
- Frank Vitchard: Hey! If you're gonna have a fight, then don't forget channel 2 news, with me, lead anchor Frank Vitchard.
- Ron Burgundy: You dirt bags have been in third place for five years.
- Frank Vitchard: Oh, yeah? Well, you're about to be in... dead place!
- Public News Anchor: Not so fast, you ingrates! Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive to kick some ass. No commercials! No mercy!
- Arturo Mendez: Como éstan, bitches! Spanish language news is here. Tonight's top story: The sewers run red with Burgandy's blood.
- Ron Burgundy: (on the fight between local anchormen) Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast!
- Champ Kind: It jumped up a notch.
- Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?
- Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
- Ron Burgundy: I saw that! Brick killed a guy! Did you throw a trident?
- Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
- Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should probably find yourself a safe house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder. I'm proud of you fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel and that's what you're gonna do when you find yourself in a vicious cockfight.
- Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.
- Ron Burgundy: That's a given. That's a given.
- Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. [laughs brokenly] I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!
- Brian Fantana: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while?
- Ron Burgundy: Yeah, sit the next couple plays out, if you know what I mean.
- Ron Burgandy: I know that one day, Veronica and I are gonna get married on top of a mountain. And there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside, and you won't be invited!
- Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker!
- Veronica Corningstone: You look like a blueberry!
- Ron Burgundy: Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island!
- Veronica Corningstone: Well, you have bad hair!
- Ron Burgundy: [flabbergasted] What did you say?
- Veronica Corningstone: I said, your hair looks stupid.
- Angry Biker: What do you love?
- Ron Burgundy: I love poetry, and a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Baxter here.
- Angry Biker: Well, now, guess what, this is happening.
- [grabs Baxter]
- Ron Burgundy: Excuse me, excuse me, what are you doing?
- [biker punts Baxter over bridge]
- Angry Biker: That's how I roll!
- Ron Burgandy: Baxter! [gasps] NOOOOOOOO!!!!
- Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.
- Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?
- Brian Fantana: I don't remember.
- Ron Burgundy: That's not a good start, but keep going.
- Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
- Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm pretty sure that's not love.
- Brian Fantana: Damn it!
- Brick Tamland: [hesitantly] I love carpet. [Ron nods understandingly] I love desk.
- Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
- Brick Tamland: [whispering] I love lamp.
- Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying that because you saw it?
- Brick Tamland: [helplessly] I-I love lamp! I love lamp.
- Ron Burgundy: You really want to know what love is? (Champ Kind nods his head, whispering "Yeah")
- Brian Fantana: Yes! Tell us!
- Brick Tamland: More than anything in the world, Ron!
- Ron Burgundy: Well, it's really quite simple. It's kinda like... (singing "Afternoon Delight") Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight, gonna grab some afternoon delight. My motto's always been "when it's right, it's right", why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
- Everyone: (joining in) When everything's a little clearer in the light of day. And, we know the night is always gonna be here anyway!
- Brick and Brian together: Thinking of you's workin' up my appetite, looking forward to a little afternoon delight. Rubbing sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite and the thought of loving you is getting so exciting, sky rockets in flight. Afternoon Delight.
- Ron Burgundy: (stops singing) You guys have it.
- Everyone: (singing) Afternoon delight!
- Champ Kind: (stops singing) I dunno, Ron, that sounds kinda crazy.
- Brian Fantana: Sounds like you have mental problems, man.
- Brick Tamland: [dreamily] Yeah, you got mental problems, man.
- Brian Fantana: Yeah, it really does.
- Brick Tamland: Man.
- Everyone: Afternoon delight!
- Champ Kind: I woke up this morning on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room and they would not stop screaming!
- Ron Burgundy: Look, the most glorious rainbow ever!
- Veronica Corningstone: Oh, do me on it!
- Ron Burgundy: (yelling) Veronica Corningstone and I had sex and we are now in love! (normal) Did I say that loud?
- Brian Fantana: Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.
- Ron Burgundy: Well, I don't care. It's fantastic!
- Champ Kind: What's it like, Ron?
- Ron Burgundy: The intimate times? Outta sight, my man!
- Brian Fantana: No, the other thing. Love.
- Brick Tamland: Yeah. What is that?
- Ron Burgundy: [while both are riding on horses through a cartoon Pleasure Town] I friggin' love you!
- Veronica Corningstone: I friggin' love you back!
- Ed Harken: Apparently my son was on something called 'acid' and was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd. You know how kids are!
- Brick Tamland: Excuse me, Veronica.
- Veronica Corningstone: Yes, what is it, Brick?
- Brick Tamland: I would like to extend to you, an invitation to the Pants Party.
- Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me?
- Brick Tamland: The party, the pants, party with the pants?
- Veronica Corningstone: Brick, are you saying that there is a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
- Brick Tamland: That's it.
- Veronica Corningstone: Mm. Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
- Brick Tamland: No, yes, he did.
- Veronica Corningstone: Okay. No, I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
- Brick Tamland: Very well. (turns to crew member) Ian! Would you like to go to a party in my pants?
- Ron Burgundy: (lifting weights) 1001, 1002, 1003.
- Veronica Corningstone: Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me.
- Ron Burgundy: Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back.
- Veronica Corningstone: Well, you asked me to come by, sir.
- Ron Burgundy: Oh, did I?
- Veronica Corningstone: Yes.
- Ron Burgundy: Oh-h, it's the deep burn! Oh, it's so deep! Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting, I did over a thousand.
- Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
- Brian: Brian Fantana.
- Champ: Champ Kind.
- Brick: Brian Fantana.
- Brian: No, you're Brick.
- Brick: Brian.
- Brian: I'm Brian.
- Brick: Veronica.
- Brian Fantana: Where are you, Ron?
- Ron Burgundy: [sobbing inside a phone booth] I'm in a glass case of emotion!
- Ron Burgundy: Wait, Veronica, please tell me this is some kind of sick tasteless joke.
- Veronica Corningstone: You weren't here! Why are you being this way? Why can't you just be proud of me as a peer and as my gentleman lover?
- Ron Burgundy: I can't believe you did this to me! You read my news!
- Veronica Corningstone: I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that.
- Ron Burgundy: I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke, I even wrote it down in my diary. “Veronica had a very funny joke today.” I laughed at it later that night!
- Veronica Corningstone: I can't believe that I cared for you!
- Ron Burgundy: Get out! Just go! We are through! Through! Because of your actions, you scorpion woman!
- Veronica Corningstone: You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy. You have broken my heart.
- Ron Burgundy: [in the bar, singing drunk] Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon deliiiight... Af... [blows raspberry] I make fart-noises with my mouth [blows raspberry again], and I like it cause...
- Bartender: Hey nut job, quit the singing! You creeping out all the regulars.
- Ron Burgundy: I'm expressing my inner anguish THROUGH THE MAJESTY OF SONG!
-
- Ron Burgundy: It's so damn hot...milk was a bad choice!
-
- Garth Holliday: [sobbing incoherently] Coming out with stink like that poop, you poop-mouth! Get all that poop coming out of your mouth!
- Ron Burgundy: Garth, if I were to give you some money from out of my wallet, would that help ease the pain? [glances at Ed for approval]
- Garth Holliday: [sobbing] I hate you Ron Burgandy! I hate you!
From the outtakes:
- Ron Burgundy: Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?
- Brick Tamland: Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we're not gonna do it.
- Veronica Corningstone: For the entire Channel 4 news team, I'm Veronica Corningstone.
- Ron Burgundy: And I'm Ron Burgandy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego!
