Clerks II

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Clerks II (2006), directed by Kevin Smith, is the sequel to the 1994 film Clerks.

[edit] Randal Graves

One semester we took Criminology, for God's sake! Criminology! Who the fuck were we studying to be: Batman?

Man, you must love this fucking guy, 'cause he's the biggest pussy I ever met, the dude who lives his life according to everyone else's standards. "I have to go down to Florida and get married because that what's expected of me." And the fucking insane part is, he ain't even crazy about the chick he's marrying or Florida, never mind the fact that he's got a perfectly good chick right here in Jersey who he's nuts about and even Anne-fucking-Frank can see that she's nuts about him — God knows why. And she likes you for who you are, man. She ain't trying to stuff you into a box you'll never fit into, not to mention that she's carrying your hideous fucking C.H.U.D. of a kid. Jesus, if you had any sense whatsoever, you'd fucking stop trying to bray it up with the rest of the sheep and live your life the way it makes sense to you, you fucking ass.

What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look at weird fucked-up pictures of dirty sex you'll never have yourself?

[edit] Jay

You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places sellin' weed 'n shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals 'n shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah... I'd be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien life form... and fuck it. And people'd be, like, "There he goes; homeboy fucked a Martian once."

[edit] Elias

What's sexier than an elf princess's sword?

[edit] Dialogue

Elias: I've turned down chicks left and right!

Randal Graves: Your chicks are your left and right.

Elias: [removing a smoking black basket of fries] I don't think these look right.

Randal Graves: Jesus! Step away from the fryer before you burn us all alive!

Elias: It's not my fault you abandoned your post!

Randal Graves: Was it too much to ask that you handle the fries? The machine does all the work! What, does a machine gotta transform into some giant fuckin' robot before you'll take it seriously?

Randal: You're in the bestiality business, dude.

Sexy Stud: Hey, fuck-o! We like to call it inter-species erotica.

Randal: Intriguing.