Haven (2010-) is a science fiction tv series, loosely based on The Colorado Kid, by Stephen King. It premeired on the SyFy channel on July 9, 2010, and has recently finished it's second season. It revolves around Audrey Parker, an FBI agent, who moves to the small town of Haven, and stays to investigate her past and help those suffering from a series of supernatural afflictions known as "The Troubles"
Welcome to Haven [1.01]
Audrey: Whoa... all right, so first question is: why is there a giant metal ball?
Nathan: Oh, everyone knows that ball
Audrey: Second question: there's a ball everyone knows?
Audrey: You don't mind do you?
Nathan: Mind what?
Audrey: I invited myself along
Nathan: It's a huge metal ball. Who could resist that?
Audrey: I can't beleiive you guys are giving me fashion advice.
Dave: She should have come to us sooner.
Vince: A lot sooner.
Audrey: I have a theory
Audrey: You're not going to like it
Nathan: Surprise again
Audrey: You know I was thinking about... how there are two different Havens. There's the one right that's right beneath the surface, and there's the one right underneath that.
Nathan: Sounds like every town
Audrey: It's definitely not like every town. But you, Nathan, you live in both Havens, and I think we're going to find that very useful
Nathan: Might be
Ball and Chain [1.05]
Nathan: Full moon last night.
Audrey: Oh, look at you. Trying to make a werewolf joke (Nathan stares) You know, you should smile more often. People will know when you're joking
Audrey: Can we talk off the record?
Vince: That sounds exciting
Dave: He says that when the waiter offers to pepper his salad
Eleanor: Well, you want to fill me in on everything, or are my services no longer required?
Audrey: No, I think we have it from here. Thank you
Eleanor: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Doesn't have to be true to make you feel better
Audrey: God, why can't I just walk away from this town?
Eleanor: Well, you could, but we both know Haven has it's... charms. Audrey, is that what you really want, to leave, to go back to the FBI?
Audrey: I want to find this thing
Audrey: I want to kick it's ass
Duke: Oh, Haven's finest. You know I could add "ass" to that "Haven's finest ass." And it would still work. For both of you. Just in different ways.
Ain't No Sunshine [1.08]
As You Were [1.09]
The Hand You're Dealt [1.10]
Nathan: Say a guy like me, who can't feel anything, meets a woman and discovers he can feel her touch. That sounds... seems like fate, doesn't it?
Duke: For the record, this place gives me the heebie jeebies
Audrey: Huh. I had you pegged as one of the cool kids
Duke: For the record, no one was cool in high school. Not even me
Nathan: Parker, you don't need to be on the clock 24-7. Go.
Duke: Wow. Nathan Wuornos being magnanimous is a rare and beautiful...
Nathan: Please, take him and go
Audrey: All right, great, thank you
Duke: I was giving you a compliment. I'm just saying, that was legitimate, from the heart.
Audrey: Come on
Nathan: Kind of busy here, Duke
Duke: You say that as if I come looking for you ever
The Trial of Audrey Parker [1.11]
Nathan: It's password protected. Come on Parker, where's the trust?
Cheif Wuornos: He's trying to hack into his personal file, and he's worred about trust issues
Julia: Just how did you meet these fine gentlemen?
Duke: A friend introduced us. He said they like to play poker
Julia: Did he also say they liked to kidnap their opponents and drag them out to the open sea?
Duke: I'm picking up on your sarcasm
Audrey: Do we really have a skeleton inside a wrecked boat? Is there gonna be an eye patch or a dead parrot?
Nathan: That's life on a seaside police force. What? Do you miss the FBI already?
Audrey: No, I just hope we get a treasure chest
Nathan: You know, uh, Haven PD doesn't have a special agent
Duke: : Oh, come on now. You can't tell me that wasn't special
Audrey: You know, just because this guy's dead doesn't mean that another guy with a tattoo isn't going to kill you
Duke: : You really are a buzzkill. Why would you say that? I liked you so much better when you were locked up in your cupcake room
A Tale of Two Audreys [2.01]
Agent Howard: Audrey Parker.
Audrey: Agent Howard.
Agent Howard: How's local cop life treating you?
Audrey: You know, cats in trees. Like that.
Audrey Parker (new): So you think I caused the frogs and the bugs. What are you thinkin', did I use my magic wand or maybe my tricorder?
Audrey: First of all, a tricorder is just for reading.
Fear and Loathing [2.02]
Love Machine [2.03]
Evi Ryan: Look at you. Getting all domestic.
Duke: : Yeah, well, you know, I, uh, learned it living with you.
Evi Ryan: I cleaned. (Duke looks skeptical) Well, I cooked. (Duke looks skeptical) I was fun.
Duke: Yeah. You were fun.
Sparks and Recreation [2.04]
Duke: : Tell me you have a plan.
Audrey: Why would I need a plan? I've got you.
Duke: That's true.
Nathan: So now you need someone from each side to make the Trouble happen?
Dave: Like epoxy.
Vince: Or peanut butter cups.
Audrey Parker's Day Off [2.06]
Audrey: How about we move to questions. Does anybody have any questions? Ahh, yeah.
Student: Is that a real gun?
Audrey: Yeah, it is a real gun.
Student: Can I shoot it?
Audrey: No, you cannot shoot it.
Audrey: I especially loved the part where you went on for a half an hour about the endangered tidewater mucket.
Chris: If they're going to blindly love me, at least they're going to learn something.
Nathan: So you lived this day before?
Nathan: Huh. You're stuck in my second-favorite Bill Murray movie.
The Tides That Bind [2.07]
Duke: : Body washed up on the beach today. Guy with a tattoo.
Evi: Really, did it say "I Heart Haven"?
Friend or Faux [2.08]
Audrey: Okay, so who'd you piss off this time?
Duke: : Maybe he pissed me off. Is that a possibility?
Audrey: Yeah, it's least likely.
Duke: Well, I guess that answers that. Nathan definitely has a copy.
Audrey: And this one still can't dance.
Nathan: You meet me in the atrium.
Audrey: Copy that.
Nathan: Don't say "copy."
Dr. Underwood: Hi. I'm Hugh Underwood. I'm a doctor.
Chris: Yeah, Chris Brody. I'd shake your hand, but I'm pretty much dying.
Who? What? Where? Wendigo? [2.10]
Nathan: I hear a squirrel.
Audrey: We are in the woods, Nathan.
Nathan: Two squirrels chattering means they're having a conversation. This is just one. It means he's scared of something large.
Audrey: Boy Scouts?
Nathan: Moose Hunter magazine. (Audrey stares) I was a kid.
Business as Usual [2.11]
Duke: : You know, we don't talk enough, me and you.
Dwight: This doesn't have to get ugly. I walk out of here, it's over.
Duke: Great. If you don't mind, you can just leave the box in the umbrella stand on your way out.
Dwight: Give me the key.
Duke: Do I actually have to say "no" to that, or can I just assume it's a rhetorical statement?
Sins of the Fathers [2.12]
Simon Crocker: You're taking this well.
Duke: : Yes I am. You see, I'm pretty sure that you're the result of the brownies this girl gave me last night. God, what was her name? Tall, Dutch girl...
Simon Crocker: You're not imagining this.
Duke: Says the dead guy I last saw 27 years ago.
Audrey: So what do you think? Clones? Ghosts? Zombies are trendy.
Chief Wournos: You buried me in a cooler? What cooler?
Nathan: Blue one.
Chief Wournos: What a waste of a good cooler.
Duke: :Merry Christmas. You know, I'm flexible this year--naughty or nice.
NathanDuke: Did someone else disappear?
Audrey: Duke--you know, our friend? he's got a mustache, a goatee, he wears a lot of jewelry, makes all these jokes, only looks out for himself.
Nathan: I'm friends with that guy?