Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson (born 11 April 1960) is an English broadcaster and journalist who specialises in motoring. He is best known for his role on the BBC TV show Top Gear.

Sourced

• The engine sounds like Victorian plumbing — it looks like Victorian plumbing as well, to be honest.
  • The Times March 22, 2007, reviewing the Bugatti Veyron 16.4 [1]

• He genuinely looked terrified. The poor man, he's actually seen the books. In England we have this one-eyed Scottish idiot.
  • BBC News February 9, 2008 [2]

• Then there’s the styling. Or rather, there isn’t. Any attempt to give these cars a tapering roofline or a curved rear end is wasteful of precious capacity, which means all of them look exactly – and I mean exactly – like chest freezers. And because they have such tiny wheels they actually look like chest freezers on casters. And that in turn means they look absurd.
  • Sunday Times June 8, 2008, reviewing the Nissan GT-R [3]

• It’s terrible. Biblically terrible. Possibly the worst new car money can buy. It’s the first car I’ve ever considered crashing into a tree, on purpose, so I didn’t have to drive it any more.
  • Sunday Times May 17, 2009, reviewing the Honda Insight 1.3 IMA SE Hybrid [4]

• Nothing can prepare you for the yawning chasm of time that passes in Canada before the healthcare system actually does any healthcare.
  • Sunday Times August 30, 2009 [5]

• Like many men, I can never find anything that I’m looking for, even when I’m actually looking at it. In a fridge, I think milk is actually invisible to the male eye. And so, it turns out, are dirty great holes in the fence.
  • Sunday Times September 6, 2009 [6]

• I think it’s a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit.
  • Sunday Times November 8, 2009 [7]

• The newest Ferrari of them all, the 458, the Italia. The GT3 was good, but nowhen near as good as this... almost nothing on Earth is as good as this... Set that something I've just told, involving Cameron Diaz... and some honey... then it comes that even that isn't as good as this.
  • Jeremy Clarkson - The Italian Job

The World according to Clarkson (2005)

The fox is not a little orange puppy dog with doe eyes and a waggly tail. It's a disease-ridden wolf with the morals of a psychopath and the teeth of a great white shark.

• Let's be perfectly clear, shall we. The fox is not a little orange puppy dog with doe eyes and a waggly tail. It's a disease-ridden wolf with the morals of a psychopath and the teeth of a great white shark.
• A Murderous Fox Has Made Me Shoot David Beckham, p. 161
• I simply don't understand why the Nobel academy gave him a peace prize or why Charlie Dimmock and Alan Titchmarsh gave him a new garden. And I don't see why he should be given a statue in Trafalgar Square, either. If we're after someone who stands up for the oppressed, what about Jesus? I feel fairly sure he never blew up a train.
• Mandela Just Doesn't Deserve His Pedestal, p. 239
• Italy's youngsters complain, apparently, about having to live at home until they are 72 but that's because they spend all their money on suits and coffee and Alfa Romeos rather than mortgages.
• The Unhappiest People on Earth? You'd never guess, p. 259

Top Gear

Clarkson: We should do a car that's quintessentially German

Hammond:What replace the spoons with little sausages?

Clarkson: No, no. Give it traffic indicators that go like that. (gives Nazi salutes) A SatNav that only goes to Poland. Und ein fanbelt zat vil last for a thousand years! [8]

• Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. [9]