Kung Fu Panda

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Kung Fu Panda is a 2008 animated film about an obese and clumsy panda who finds himself designated the prophesied Dragon Warrior, much to the disbelief of his would be peers.

Directed by John Stevenson and Mark Osborne. Written by Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger.
Tag line(s): Prepare for Awesomeness. Pandamonium Begins

Contents

[edit] Dialogue

[in Po's dream sequence]
Gang Boss: I see you like to chew. Maybe you should chew on my fist!
Po: [narrating] The warrior said nothing, for his mouth was full. Then he swallowed, and said, "Enough talk. Let's fight!"
[during Po's dream sequence]
Crocodile Bandit: He's too awesome!
Female Bystander: And attractive!
Bar owner: How can we repay you?
Dream Po: There is no charge for awesomeness. Or attractiveness.
[during Po's dream sequence]
Dream Monkey: We should hang out.
Dream Po: Agreed.
Po: Sorry, Dad.
Mr. Ping: "Sorry" doesn't make the noodles, son.
[Shifu is sitting just outside the palace, playing a flute. The Furious Five suddenly jump at him from behind. Shifu deflects their attacks with his flute.]
Shifu: Well done, students, if you were trying to disappoint me! (points at each of the Five, who are bowing respectfully) Tigress, you need more ferocity! Monkey, greater speed! Crane, height! Viper, subtlety. Mantis--
Zeng: Master Shifu!
Shifu: [points his flute to Zeng angrily] What?!
Oogway: It is time.
Shifu: But who? Who is worthy enough to be trusted with the secret to limitless power? To become the Dragon Warrior?
Oogway: [after a pause] I don't know.
[Po is dumped onto the ground inside the Sacred Hall of Warriors after being chosen as the dragon warrior]
Po: Wait a second.
[The carriers leave and shut the doors]
Po: [chuckles nervously] I think there's been a slight mistake. Uh, everyone seems to think that I'm, uh--
[He turns around and sees where he is, and shudders in awe.]
Po: The Sacred Hall of Warriors! No way! Look at this place! (turns to a set of battle armor, resembling a rhino) Master Flying Rhino's armor... (dramatically emphasizing the armor) ...with authentic battle damage! (turns to a sword on display) Whoa! The Sword of Heroes! Said to be so sharp you can cut yourself just by looking at--! Ow! (sticks his finger in his mouth, then sees a supposedly empty display) The Invisible Trident of Destiny! (sees a painting of a kung fu warrior excitedly) I've only seen paintings of that painting! (sees an urn; in awe) No! The legendary Urn of Whispering Warriors; said to contain the souls of the entire Tenshu Army! (pauses, before whispering) Hello?
Shifu: (off screen) Have you finished sight-seeing?
Po: (gasps, thinking the urn is talking to him) Sorry, I should've come to see you first.
Shifu: My patience is wearing thin.
Po: Oh, well, I mean, it's not like you were going anywhere.
Shifu: Would you turn around?
Po: Sure. (turns to the left a bit and sees Shifu) Hey, how's it going? (back to the urn) Now, how do you get five thousand--? (suddenly realizes who he is talking to) Master Shifu!
[He accidentally knocks over the urn, which breaks, letting out green smoke and the sound of moaning voices.]
Po: Someone broke that. (Shifu just stares at him.) But I'm gonna fix it. Do you have any glue, or--?
[He tries to move the pieces together and the stand falls on his head. Shifu rolls his eyes.]
Po: Ow! Splinter.
Shifu: So you're the legendary Dragon Warrior, hmm? (smiles tightly)
Po: (unsure) Uh, I guess so?
Shifu: (angrily) Wrong! You are not the Dragon Warrior, you will never be the Dragon Warrior, until you have found the secret of the Dragon Scroll!
[He points at the ceiling, to a golden dragon holding the scroll.]
Po: Whoa. So, how does this work? Do you have a ladder or a trampoline?
Shifu: (chuckles) You think it's that easy? That I'm just gonna hand you the secret to limitless power?
Po: No, I--
Shifu: (walks towards Po) One must first master the highest level of kung fu, and that is clearly impossible if that one is someone like you.
Po: Someone like me?
Shifu: Yes! Look at you! This fat butt... (smacks Po's backside)
Po: Ow!
Shifu: And these flabby arms... (hits Po's arm)
Po: Those are sensitive in the flabby parts...
Shifu: And this ridiculous belly! (pokes him there)
Po: Hey!
Shifu: And utter disregard for personal hygiene.
Po: (rather insulted) Now, wait a minute! That's a little uncalled for!
Shifu: (turning away from Po) Don't stand that close. I can smell your breath.
Po: (points) Listen, Oogway said that I was the--
[Shifu simply pinches Po's finger.]
Po: (gasps in horror) The Wuxi Finger Hold! No, not the Wuxi Finger Hold!
Shifu: (smiling slyly) Oh-ho-ho, you know this hold?
Po: Developed by Master Wuxi in the Third Dynasty, yes!
Shifu: (raises his hand a little) Oh, then you must also know what happens when I flex my pinky.
Po: (gasps) No, no, no.
Shifu: You know what the hardest part of this move is? The hardest part... (whispers slightly) ...is cleaning up afterwards. (chuckles)
Po: Okay! Okay, take it easy. (kneels down on the floor)
Shifu: Now, listen closely, panda. Oogway may have picked you, but when I'm through with you, I promise, you're going to wish-he-hadn't! (squints threateningly) Are we clear?
Po: Oh, yeah, we're clear, we're clear, we are so clear!
Shifu: (rather satisfied) Good. (chuckles) I can't wait to get started. (lets go)
Po: Let's just start at zero; Level Zero.
Shifu: Oh, no. There is no such thing as Level Zero.
Po: Hey! Maybe I can start on that!
[He walks over to the punching bag-like dummy]
Shifu: That? We use that for training children and propping the door open when it's hot! But, if you insist.
[Po sees the Furious Five up close for the first time, watching him with curious expressions]
Po: Whoa, the Furious Five! You're so much bigger than your action figures! Except for you, Mantis. You're about the same.
[Mantis gives Po a glare as one of his antennae twitches.]
Shifu: Go ahead, panda. Show us what you can do.
Po: (uneasily) Uh, are they gonna watch, or should I just wait until they get back to work or something?
Shifu: Hit it.
Po: (stalling) Yeah, well, I just ate, so I'm still digesting, so my kung fu may not be as good as later on.
Shifu: Just hit it.
Po: Uh, okay. (looks over at the training dummy) What'cha got, buddy? You got nothing, I got it right here. You pickin' on my friends? (quickly shuffles his feet) Get ready to feel the thunder, I'm comin' at you with the crazy feet. What'cha gonna do about crazy feet? Come on. I'm a blur, I'm a blur. You've never seen bear style, you've only seen praying mantis. Or monkey-style.
[He starts chattering like a monkey; Monkey raises his eyebrows]
Po: Or magic snakety-snake--
Shifu: (annoyed) Would you hit it?!
Po: (stops) Right.
[He gives the dummy a little tap with his fist, making it lean back.]
Shifu: Why don't you try again? A little harder?
[Po punches the dummy, sending it hurtling backwards.]
Po: Ha! How's tha--?
[The dummy swings back, knocking his tooth out and sending him flying into the training hall's obstacle course. The Five start forward, but Shifu holds up his hand to stop them.]
Po: (accidentally does a split on the moving ropes) Oh, that hurts!
[A spiked pendulum swings towards him and hits him square in the face, knocking him into Crane's tilting bowl, hitting his head several times]
Shifu: (very amused) This'll be easier than I thought.
[Po spills out of the tilting bowl, and wanders to the moving arm guard section]
Po: Feeling a little nauseous.
[He pushes one arm, starting a chain reaction that causes him to get hit repeatedly, then in the groin)
Po: Ooh-hoo-hoo! My tenders.
[In pain, he rests one hand on a moving arm, starting the whole chain reaction over again, and smacking him into the fire floor area.]
Po: Uh-oh.
[Cut back to Shifu and the Furious Five who wince and look away as we hear fire burning and Po screaming. He slumps over next to Shifu, burnt and charred.]
Po: How did I do?
Shifu: There is now a Level Zero.
[He snuffs out a flame on top of Po's head.]
[The Furious Five walk to the bunkhouse for some rest.]
Viper: I don't understand what Master Oogway was thinking. The poor guy's just gonna get himself killed!
Crane: (mocking Po's recognition) He is so mighty! The Dragon Warrior! Fell out of the sky on a ball of fire!
Mantis: When he walks, the very ground shakes!
(The Furious Five laugh.)
Tigress: One would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who actually knew kung fu.
Crane: Yeah, or could at least touch his toes.
Monkey: (quietly) Or even see his toes.
(Everyone laughs.)
(Trying to get to his room without waking anyone, Po tiptoes through the hallway, only to trip and walk into Crane's room)
Po: Hi, you're, uh, you're up.
Crane: I am now.
Po: I was just--some day, huh? That Kung Fu stuff is hard work, right? Biceps sore?
Crane: (looks at his arms awkwardly) Uh, I've had a long and rather disappointing day. So, yeah. I should probably get to sleep now.
Po: Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
Crane: OK, thanks.
Po: It's just--Man, I'm such a big fan! You guys were totally amazing at the Battle of the Weeping River. Outnumbered a thousand and one, but you didn't stop. And you just--
[He attempts Kung Fu, only to accidentally kick a hole in the wall, leading to Monkey's room; Po peaks into the hole to see Monkey, who is now glaring at him]
Po: Oh, sorry about that.
Crane: Uh, look, you don't belong here.
Po: (sighs in disappointment) I know. I know. You're right. I don't have--I just--my whole life, I dreamed of--
Crane: No, no, no. I meant you don't belong here. I mean, in this room. This is my room. (softly taps his bed with his foot) Property of Crane.
Po: Okay. Right, right. So, yeah, you wanna get to sleep and I'm keeping you up. We get big things tomorrow. All right. You are awesome. Last thing I wanna say. Bye-bye.
[He leaves, but remains outside the door, making Crane sigh in annoyance]
Po: (peeks his head in) What was that?
Crane: I didn't say anything.
Po: Okay. All right. Good night. Sleep well.
[Po attempts to get to his room despite the creaking noise; Tigress opens her doors angrily]
Po: Master Tigress! I didn't mean to wake you, just, uh--
Tigress: You do not belong here.
Po: Yeah, yeah, of course, this is your room.
Tigress: I mean you don't belong in the Jade Palace. You're a disgrace to Kung Fu, and if you have any respect for who we are and what we do, you will be gone by morning.
[She slams her doors closed. Po, clearly hurt by her words, gropes for a response.]
Po: [weakly] Big fan...
Oogway: (walking towards Po) I see you have found the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom!
[Po turns around with a lot of peaches stuffed in his mouth]
Po: Oh! Is that what this is? I'm so sorry! I thought it was just a regular peach tree!
Oogway: I understand. You eat when you're upset.
Po: (covering) Upset? I'm not upset, why should I be upset?
Oogway: (not fooled one bit) So why are you upset?
[A moment of silence.]
Po: (sighs sadly) I probably sucked more today than anyone in the history of kung fu, in the history of China, in the history of sucking!
Oogway: Probably.
Po: And the Five! Man, you should've seen them! They totally hate me!
Oogway: Totally.
Po: How's Shifu ever going to turn me... (grabs his belly, holds it up, and releases it) ...into the Dragon Warrior?
[His belly is still bouncing, so he holds it to make it stop, and then sighs.]
Po: I mean, I'm not like the Five! I've got no claws, no wings, no venom! Even Mantis has those... (gestures movement of Mantis's tibias) ...thingies! (sighs) Maybe I should just quit and go back to making noodles. (sits down)
Oogway: (smiles) Quit. Don't quit. Noodles, don't noodles. You are too concerned with what was and what will be. There's a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. (whispers) That is why it is called "the present".
[As he leaves, he taps the peach tree with his staff, causing a peach to land in Po's hand. Po smiles, his hope rekindled.]
[Inside Chor Ghom Prison, Tai Lung breaks free of his full-body restraints.]
Commander Vachir: Fire crossbows!
[The crossbows fire - all of them miss, and one breaks Tai Lung's wrist shackle, freeing his hand and letting him tear apart the other one.]
Zeng: Tai Lung is free! I must warn Shifu!
Commander Vachir: (grabs him) You're not going anywhere, and neither is he!
Zeng: Let go of me!
Commander Vachir: (To his guards) Bring it up!
[The guards raise the elevator leading to Tai Lung's cell, but he scales the walls toward the entrance.]
Zeng: He's coming this way!
Commander Vachir: He won't get far. Archers!
[A massive volley of arrows is unleashed, but Tai Lung shelters under the ascending elevator and makes it to the upper level, and cuts through the hundreds of guards with ease, finally standing opposite the main entrance.]
Zeng: We're dead. So very, very dead!
Commander Vachir: Not yet, we're not. Now!
[A guard lights the fuse on bundles of explosives on the ceiling. The explosions cause a cave-in, collapsing the floor under Tai Lung. Vachir laughs, waving a mocking goodbye, then Tai Lung speeds up the falling rocks, reaches the ceiling, and pulls the last, unexploded bundle free, diving down towards the entrance.]
Zeng: Can we run now?
Commander Vachir: (losing all of his nerve and confidence) Yes.
(Po has picked up a piece from a plate Tigress just broke)
Shifu: Put that down! The only souvenirs we collect here are bloody knuckles and broken bones!
Po: (immediately putting down the plate pieces) Yeah. Excellent!
Shifu: (smiling) Let's get started.
[Shifu snaps his fingers. The Furious Five get ready to face Po, with Viper going first.]
Viper: Are you ready?
Po: I was born rea--
[Viper strikes Po repeatedly with her tail, making him somersault in the air, then land on his head]
Viper: I'm sorry, brother! I thought you said you were ready!
Po: That was awesome! Let's go again!
Shifu: (increasingly aggravated) I've been taking it easy on you, panda, but no more! Your next opponent will be me.
Po: (excitedly) All right, let's go!
(The Furious Five exchange uneasy looks)
Shifu: Step forth!
[Po is about to step forward, but Shifu immediately picks him up and spins him around several times before finally throwing him down]
Shifu: The true path to victory is to find your opponent's weakness, and make him suffer for it! (pulls the fur on Po's head)
Po: Oh-ho-ho, yeah!
Shifu: To take his strength and use it against him... (kicks Po repeatedly, then pounces on him) ...until he finally falls, or quits! (holds Po's nose in one hand)
Po: (nasal) But a real warrior never quits! Don't worry, master, I will never quit!
(Shifu angrily gives Po a flying kick out the training hall courtyard doorway, making Po bounce down the steps of the Jade Palace; the Furious Five watch from afar)
Tigress: If he's smart, he won't come back up those steps.
Monkey: (in a "you'll see" tone) But he will.
[Tigress walks away]
Viper: (in amazement) He's not gonna quit, is he?
Mantis: He's not gonna quit bouncing, I can tell you that.
[He chuckles, but Viper hisses threateningly at him, and he stops laughing.]
[Mantis is giving Po acupuncture]
Po: I thought you said acupuncture would make me feel better!
Mantis: Trust me, it will. It's just not easy finding the right nerve points under all this, uh--
Po: Fat?
Mantis: Fur. I was gonna say fur.
Po: Sure you were.
Mantis: Who am I to judge a warrior based on his size? I mean, look at me.
[Po looks over his left shoulder, Mantis is actually on his right]
Mantis: I'm over here.
[He stabs another needle into Po, making him scream. Viper holds up a diagram of a wildcat, showing its nerve points, with a simple sketch of a Panda drawn over it)
Viper: Maybe you should take a look at this again.
Mantis: (checks the diagram) Oh, okay.
[He continues sticking needles into Po. Cut to Monkey, meditating, and hearing Po screaming and laughing ticklishly off-screen, distracting him; cut to Crane, hearing the same thing and causing him to ruin his calligraphy.]
Tigress: (referring to Shifu) And now he has a chance to make things right, to train the real dragon warrior; and he's stuck with you: a big, fat panda who treats it like a joke.
(Po makes a silly face):
Tigress: OH, THAT'S IT!! (makes to strike Po)
Mantis: (jumps between them to halt her) Wait! My fault, I accidently tweaked his facial nerve!
(Po falls over with numerous needles in his back):
Mantis:...and may have also stopped his heart.
(Shifu is trying to meditate)
Shifu: Inner peace, inner peace. (stammers a little) Inner peace. (one of his ears turns to the side, hearing a flapping noise; shouts over his shoulder) Would whoever is making that flapping sound quiet down?! (resumes meditating, but one of his ears twitch) Inner--(Zeng falls into the room with a quack. Shifu groans and turns around. He smiles a little) Ah, Zeng. Excellent. I could use some good news right now.
Zeng: (Pauses nervously, knowing he can't fufill his wishes.) Uh-h-h.
Shifu: Master, master! I have--it--it's very bad news!!
Oogway: Ah, Shifu. There is just news--there is no good or bad.
Shifu: Master, your vision--your vision was right! Tai Lung has broken out of prison! He's on his way! (pause)
Oogway: (for a moment loses composure) That is bad news. (then straightens himself) If you do not believe that the Dragon Warrior can stop him.
Oogway: There are no accidents.
Shifu: [sighs] Yes, I know. You said that already. Twice.
Oogway: Well, that was no accident either.
Shifu: Thrice.
Oogway: Look at this tree, Shifu. (Indicates the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom) I cannot make it blossom when it suits me, nor make it bear fruit before its time.
Shifu: But there are things we can control! (Slams a fist into the tree, making several peaches fall) I can control when the fruit will fall! (A peach then hits him on the head, unnerving him, then he catches a peach, cuts it in half, takes the pit and slams it into the ground) And I can control where to plant the seed! That is no illusion, Master!
Oogway: Ah, yes. But no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Shifu: But a peach cannot defeat Tai Lung!
Oogway: Maybe it can - if you are willing to guide it, to nurture it, to believe in it. (Covers the seed with dirt, thus beginning its growth.)
Shifu: I need your help, Master.
Oogway: No. You just need to believe. Promise me, Shifu. Promise me you will believe.
Shifu: I...I will...try.
Oogway: Good. (Looks around at the peach tree petals floating around him.) My time has come. (Hands Shifu his staff.) You must continue your journey, without me.
Shifu: Wha-What are you-? What? (watches his master leave and realizes what's happening.) Master! You can't leave me!
Oogway: (starts to disappear in the petals floating around him.) You must....believe.
Shifu: Master!
(Oogway disappears, and Shifu stares sadly after him.)
(Po is making dinner for The Furious Five)
Po: So I'm like "Fine. You may be a wolf. You may be the scariest bandit in the Hajin Province, but you're a lousy tipper!"
Crane: Really? So how'd you get out of there alive?
Po: I mean, I didn't actually say that... but I thought it... in... in my mind. If he could read my mind he woulda been like "What?" Order up. (passes out bowls of soup to four of the Five) Think you'll like it? (watches patiently)
Mantis: This is really good!
Po: (sitting down) Nah, c'mon, you should try my dad's secret ingredient soup. He actually knows the secret ingredient.
Viper: What are you talking about? This is amazing!
Crane: Wow, you're a really good cook!
(Po looks a bit sheepish, wondering if his old life really could influence his new.)
Mantis: I wish my mouth was bigger!
Monkey: Tigress, you've got to try this.
Tigress: Hmmm. (picking up a cube of tofu with her chopsticks, the only one of the five without noodles) It is said that the Dragon Warrior can survive for months at a time on nothing but the dew of a single Ginko leaf and the energy of the universe.
(The Five realize Po's been shot down yet again.)
Po: I guess my body doesn't know it's the Dragon Warrior yet, heh heh. I'mma need a lot more than dew, and, uh, universe juice.
(Po slurps his noodles, with one hanging over his nose; Mantis snickers)
Po: What?
Mantis: Oh, nothing...Master Shifu. (everyone, except Tigress, begin to chuckle)
Po: (impersonating Master Shifu) You will never be the Dragon Warrior unless you lose 500 pounds and brush your teeth. (The Furious Five, except Tigress, laugh) What is that noise you're making? Laughter? I have never heard of it! Work hard, Panda, and maybe someday....you will have ears like mine! (he brings two bowls up to his head to mimic ears; the Five laugh, then immediately stop, with shocked expressions) Ears. It's not working for ya? I thought they're pretty good...
Monkey: (whispering) It's Shifu!
Po: Of course it's Shifu, who do you think I'm doing?
(The Five stare at Po shockingly; Monkey points at the door. Po looks and sees Shifu with Oogway's staff.)
Po: Oh, Master Shifu! Uh.... (slurps the noodle and accidentally presses the bowls to his chest so he looks like he has on a bikini top. The Five, except Tigress, snicker.)
Shifu: (angrily) You think this is funny? Tai Lung has escaped from prison, and you're acting like children!
Po: What?
Shifu: He is coming for the Dragon Scroll! (To Po) And you are the only one who can stop him!
Po: (After his bowls fall to the ground, then laughs) And here I am saying you got no sense of humor! (Shifu looks at him deadly serious.) I'm gonna.....stop Tai Lung. What? You're serious? And I have to....Uh, no-uh, Master Oogway will stop him! He did it before, he'll do it again!
Shifu: (Shakes his head) Oogway cannot! (Face softens and he stares sadly at his master's staff.) Not anymore. (The Five gasp in shock, realizing Oogway is gone) Our only hope is the Dragon Warrior.
Tigress: The panda?
Shifu: Yes, the panda! (With conviction due to Oogway's last charge on him before he died)
Tigress: Master, please! [pushes her chair out] Let us stop Tai Lung. This is what you've trained us for!
Shifu: No! It is not your destiny to defeat Tai Lung, it is his! [points at Po, then realizes he's not there] Where'd he go?
[Po is running down the stairs, screaming, only to be stopped by Shifu]
Shifu: You cannot leave! A real warrior never quits!
Po: Watch me! [tries to run down the stairs, but Shifu uses Oogway's staff to turn Po around] Come on! How am I supposed to beat Tai Lung? I can't even beat you to the stairs!
Shifu: You will beat him because you are the Dragon Warrior! [pokes Po in his stomach]
Po: Ow! You don't believe that! [Shifu swipes at his hand with the staff] Ooh! You never believed that! From the first moment I got here, you've been trying to get rid of me! [Shifu knocks him to the ground]
Shifu: Yes! I was! But now I ask you to trust in your master...as I have come to trust in mine.
Po: You're not my master. And I'm not the Dragon Warrior.
Shifu: Then why didn't you quit? You knew I was trying to get rid of you, yet you stayed!
Po: Yeah, I stayed. [Finally gets up, with a hurt tone in his voice] I stayed because every time you threw a brick on my head or said I smelled, it hurt, but it could never hurt more than I did every day of my life just being me. [Shifu stares at him in surprise] I stayed because I thought if anyone could change me, could make me... not me, it was you! The greatest kung fu teacher in all of China!
Shifu: But I can change you! I can turn you into the Dragon Warrior! And I will!
Po: Come on! Tai Lung is on his way here right now! And even if it takes him a hundred years to get here, how are you gonna change this into the Dragon Warrior? Huh? How?... How?... (after a long pause) How?!?
Shifu: I don't know!! [sighs] I don't know...
Po: [sighs and frowns sadly] That's what I thought.
(Disobeying Shifu's orders, Tigress leaps from the Jade Palace to the canyon entrance of the valley, intending to stop Tai Lung)
Tigress: (Indicating Shifu, upon landing on the roof of a house) This is what you trained me for. (Keeps going. The rest of the Furious Five follow her)
Viper: (Now caught up with Tigress) Tigress!
Tigress: (Keeps moving faster) Don't try and stop me!
Viper: We're not trying to stop you!
Tigress: What?!
Viper: We're coming with you!
(Tigress then looks at Monkey, who gives her a thumb up. Pleased that her friends are joining her, Tigress and the rest of the five race toward the valley entrance.)
(Shifu walks in to see Po in the kitchen, having just punched through a wood cupboard and is currently eating its contents. Po sees Shifu and stops. Shifu looks around the kitchen, where shelves are broken, cupboards have holes in them, and Po's still got food in his hand.)
Po: ...What? (angrily now) I eat when I'm upset, okay?
Shifu: (Getting inspiration) Oh, no need to explain. (Starts to turn away, then turns back) I just thought you might be Monkey. He hides his almond cookies on the top shelf.
(He pretends to walk off and instead leans against the wall beside the doorway, hearing a bit of scuffling. When he looks in, Po is ten feet above the ground, doing a perfect split to keep himself airborne and is currently shoveling Monkey's almond cookies into his face. With a mixture of surprise and realization, Shifu examines Po. After a minute, Po sees Shifu.)
Po: (with cookies in his mouth) ...Don't tell Monkey...
Shifu: (in astonishment) Look at you.
Po: I know, I disgust you.
Shifu: No, no, I mean, how did you get up there?
Po: (taking a few more cookies) I don't know. I just- I don't know. I was getting a cookie.
Shifu: And yet, you are ten feet off the ground, and have done a perfect split.
Po: No. This is just an... (shelf begins to creak under his weight) ...accident... (the shelf breaks; Po falls to the floor)
Shifu: (smiles, as a cookie rolls to him) There are no accidents. Come with me.
(Shifu is sitting near the edge of a pool when Po catches up with him, breathless)
Po: (gasping for air) You...dragged me... (takes off his backpack) all the way out here... (kneels by the pool, dipping his hand in the water) ...for a bath? (pats his armpit with his hand)
Shifu: Panda, we do not wash our pits in the Pool of Sacred Tears.
Po: (Stops. Realizing where he is, he shakes his hand off) The Pool of--
Shifu: (Gets up and stands beside Po) This is where Oogway unraveled the mysteries of harmony and focus. This is the birthplace of kung fu.
(Po claps a hand over his chest in awe; a short flashback shows Oogway, jumping onto a rock and performing amazing kung fu moves. After the flashback, Shifu skillfully hops upon a rock; Po is in complete awe.)
Shifu: (to Po) Do you want to learn kung fu?
Po: Yeah.
Shifu: Then I AM your master!
Po: Okay! (chokes up with the realization that Shifu finally believes in him, about to cry)
Shifu: (looking down at Po) Don't cry.
Po: Okay. (sniffles and wipes his nose)
Shifu: When you focus on kung fu, when you concentrate...you stink. (Po's excited face falls) But perhaps that is my fault. I cannot train you the way I have trained the Five. I now see that the way to get through to you...is with this. (pulls out a bowl of dumplings)
Po: Oh great, 'cause I'm hungry! (hungrily reaches for the bowl)
Shifu: (laughs and pulls the bowl away) Good. (takes out his chopsticks) When you have been trained, you may eat. (eats a dumpling from the bowl) Let's begin.
(Po and Shifu are in the mountains after days of intensive training; Shifu picks up his chopsticks)
Shifu: (pointing to the bowl of dumplings) After you, panda.
Po: Wait, just like that? No sit-ups? No ten-mile hike?
Shifu: I vowed to train you, and you have been trained. You are free to eat.
(Po suspiciously sits down, cautiously picks up his chopsticks, then picks up a dumpling from the bowl, with a "you're up to something" kind of look.)
Shifu: (smiling) Enjoy.
(Po smiles and raises the dumpling to his mouth, only to have it snatched away by Shifu who quickly eats it.)
Po: Hey!
Shifu: (after eating) I said you are free to eat. Have a dumpling.
(Po reaches for another dumpling, only to have this one kicked in the air by Shifu)
Po: Hey!
(Shifu catches the dumpling with his chopsticks and eats it, making Po scowl in a "Now you're gonna get it" look.)
Shifu: You are free to eat!
Po: (challenging Shifu) Am I?!
Shifu: Are you?!
(Chopstick battle ensues. Po eventually manages to catch the last dumpling, but instead of eating it he throws it in Shifu's hand. Shifu gives him a surprised look.)
Po: I'm not hungry.... (Shifu pauses for a second, then tosses the dumpling over his shoulder, smiling) Master.
(Po and Shifu bow respectfully to each other)
Tai Lung: (leaning on the bridge) Where's the Dragon Warrior?
Tigress: How do you know you're not looking at her?
Tai Lung: (laughs) You think I'm a fool? I know you're not the Dragon Warrior. (to the rest of the Furious Five, whom are holding up the ropes of the bridge) None of you! I heard how he fell out of the sky on a ball of fire. That he's a warrior unlike anything the world has ever seen.
Monkey: Po?
Tai Lung: So that is his name. Po. Finally! A worthy opponent. Our battle will be legendary!
(Angry for still not being called the Dragon Warrior, Tigress attacks. Despite all her efforts, Tai Lung is still stronger.)
Monkey: (Reaches for the ropes Crane and Viper are holding) We've got this! Help her!
(Tai Lung locks Tigress in a chokehold using the vines of the bridge. Viper attacks, taking him off guard and freeing Tigress, who is saved from falling by Crane. Viper attacks, but is caught by the throat)
Viper: Monkey!
Mantis: (To Monkey) Go! (He takes all of the remaining ropes, barely holding them all) What was I thinking?!
(Monkey attacks, but Tai Lung begins running back up the ropes)
Tigress: Mantis!
(Mantis, with great effort manages to crack the ropes, throwing Tai Lung back, and allowing the rest of the five to attack as a team, tie Tai Lung up with one of the bridge's vines and send him falling to the foggy abyss below. Mantis successfully yanks the ropes back and pulls the rest of the five to safety. Though everyone feels victorious, Tigress suspects something, and her suspicions are correct; Tai Lung launches himself back into the air and lands on the other side of the bridge)
Tai Lung: (Not even the least bit wounded) Shifu taught you well. (Strikes Monkey with a nerve attack, paralyzing him) But he didn't teach you everything. (Attacks the rest of the five, except Crane)
(Po and Shifu are returning to the Jade Palace after an afternoon of training. Though Po is carrying a heavy backpack, there is a light spring in his step as he walks beside Shifu.)
Shifu: You have done well, panda.
Po: Done well? Done well? Ha! I've done awesome!
(He swings his belly around and knocks Shifu off-balance. Shifu grimaces a little, but manages to maintain composure.)
Shifu: The mark of a true hero is humility. But yes, you have done... (playfully punches his fist into Po's side, making Po hold it in pain) ...awesome.
(Po regains composure, and he and Shifu chuckle, pointing fingers at each other.)
(The Furious Five have just come back beaten)
Shifu: You can defeat him, Panda!
Po: Ah, if they can't, (The five) they're five masters, and I'm just one me.
Shifu: But you will have the one thing no one else does. (The dragon scroll)
(Shifu is about to give Po the Dragon Scroll)
Shifu: Behold, the Dragon Scroll. (Holds it up to Po) It is yours.
Po: (Anxiously) Wait...what happens when I read it?
Shifu: No one knows, but legend says that you will be able to hear a butterfly's wing beat.
Po: (Excitedly) Whoa, really?! That's cool!
Shifu: Yes, and see light in the deepest cave. (Po's excitement erupts) You will feel the universe in motion around you.
Po: Wow! (Does a few punches) Can I punch through walls? Can I do a quadruple back flip?
Shifu: (Annoyed, but patiently) Focus.
Po: Will I have invi--
Shifu: (Interrupts, trying to remain patient) Focus.
Po: Huh?
Shifu: Focus.
Po: (Now becoming serious) Oh yeah, yeah.
Shifu: (Confidently) Read it, Po, and fulfill your destiny. Read it, and become the Dragon Warrior.
Po: (Excitedly, again) Whoa! (Accepts the scroll, but can't seem to open it) It's impossible to open. (Tries to bite the top off) C'mon baby, c'mon now!
(Shifu gestures to let him open it. Po hands it to him. Shifu easily opens it with a pop, and then hands it back to Po.)
Po: (Sheepishly) Thank you. (Lower tone) I probably loosened it up for you though. (Pushes the scroll out of the container) Ok, here goes... (Still unsure of what happens when he reads it, he slowly opens it, keeping one eye open. Po opens it fully, with a golden glow shining from it. Overwhelmed, Po starts screaming for a while. Then he gets a good look at the scroll.) It's blank!
Shifu: (Shocked) What?!
Po: (Shows him the blank side) Here, look.
Shifu: (Turns away) No! I am forbidden to look upo... (Gives into temptation, and looks at the blank side. He tries folding and unfolding it several times. He finally drops it in disappointment) ...Blank. I don't--I don't understand.
Po: Okay, so, like, Oogway was just a crazy old turtle after all.
Shifu: No, Oogway was wiser than us all.
Po: (Not convinced) Oh come on! Face it, he picked me by accident! Of course I'm not the Dragon Warrior! (Sits down) Who am I kidding?
Tigress: But who will stop Tai Lung?
Crane: He'll destroy everything, and everyone.
Shifu: No! (Hands Po the scroll) Evacuate the valley! You must protect the villagers from Tai Lung's rage!
Tigress: What about you, master?
Shifu: I will fight him.
Po: What?!
Shifu: I can hold him off long enough...for everyone to escape.
Po: (Concerned) But Shifu...he'll kill you!
Shifu: (Acceptingly) Then I will finally have paid for my mistake...Listen to me, all of you. It is time for you to continue your journey without me...I am very proud to have been your master.
(He bows to his students. Everyone bows respectfully to him, then reluctantly leaves.)
(Po and his dad, Mr. Ping, are leaving along with the rest of the villagers. Po is still grief-stricken with despair over the results of the Dragon Scroll)
Mr. Ping: Po...I...I'm sorry things didn't work out...It...just...wasn't meant to be.
(Po leans on the cart full of luggage, still disappointed)
Mr. Ping: Po, forget everything else. Your destiny still awaits. We are noodle folk. Broth runs deep through our veins.
Po: (In disbelief) I don't know, dad. Honestly, sometimes, I can't believe I'm actually your son.
Mr. Ping: (Scoffs in embarrassment) Uh, Po...I think it's time I told you something I should have told you...a long time ago.
Po: (Expecting to hear something like "You're not really my son. I adopted you") Okay...
Mr. Ping: The secret ingredient...Of my secret ingredient soup.
Po: (Disappointed) Oh.
Mr. Ping: C'mere, c'mere. The secret ingredient is... (Pause) nothing.
Po: (Completely surprised) Huh?
Mr. Ping: You heard me. Nothing. There is no secret ingredient.
Po: Wait, wait... It's just plain old noodle soup? You don't add some kind of special sauce or something?
Mr. Ping: Don't have to. To make something special, you just have to believe it's special.
(Po takes the Dragon Scroll out of the cart, looks at the blank surface and sees his reflection; he now realizes what the scroll really means)
Po: There is no secret ingredient. (Turns back towards the Jade palace)
(Shifu is waiting at the top steps of the Jade Palace for Tai Lung to arrive, and thus, begin their final battle. A dark, raging storm gathers in the sky. Shifu blinks in the lightning, and upon opening his eyes, sees Tai Lung standing before him)
Tai Lung: I have come home, Master.
Shifu: This is no longer your home, and I am no longer your master.
Tai Lung: Oh yes, you have a new favorite. So where is this... Po? (chuckles) Did I scare him off?
Shifu: This battle is between you and me.
Tai Lung: (Turns his back slightly) So... that is how it's going be?
Shifu: That is how it must be! (Stands on guard, ready to face his former pupil)
(Shifu and Tai Lung fight in the Jade Palace)
Tai Lung: I rotted in jail for twenty years...because of your weakness!
Shifu: Obeying your master isn't weakness!
Tai Lung: You knew I was the Dragon Warrior! (Flashback ensues; 20 years ago, in the exact same spot in the Hall of Warriors; Tai Lung awaits Shifu and Oogway's evaluation; Tai Lung proudly believes he will receive the dragon scroll) You always knew. But, when Oogway said otherwise (Oogway turns to Shifu and shakes his head in refusal, and walks away. Shifu is about to say something, but remains silent out of respect for his master) ...what did you do? (Tai Lung cannot believe what he is hearing and seeing) What did you do?! (Scene returns to present; Tai Lung is furious) Nothing!
Shifu: You were not meant to be the Dragon Warrior! That was not my fault!
Tai Lung: (going into a rage) Not your fault?! (Angrily knocks down Master Flying Rhino's armor) Who filled my head with dreams?! (Starts throwing weapons at Shifu) Who drove me to train until my bones cracked?! WHO DENIED ME MY DESTINY?!? (Launches a volley of blades at Shifu, who deflects all of them with ease, but barely countering the last one)
Shifu: (Successfully driving last blade into the ground) It was never my decision to make!
(Tai Lung growls and leaps to Oogway's shrine. He finally realizes that Oogway is gone and picks up the deceased master's staff.)
Tai Lung: (Holds the staff out to Shifu) It is now. (angered, Shifu charges Tai Lung, hitting him before Tai Lung uses the curved end of Oogway's staff to catch Shifu by the neck and pin him to the ground.) Give me the scroll!
Shifu: I would rather die!
(Tai Lung growls, then tries to kill Shifu with Oogway's staff. Shifu pushes against it, and the staff breaks in half and clutters away.)
Tai Lung: (Has just realized that the Dragon Scroll is gone) Where is it?! (Slams Shifu to the floor)
Shifu: (Trying his best to escape Tai Lung's grip around his neck.) Dragon Warrior- has taken scroll halfway across China by now. (Coughs) You will never see that scroll, Tai Lung. (Tai Lung draws out his claws, ready to kill Shifu) Never! Never..... (Tai Lung snarls, about to lay down his death blow on his former master.)
Po: (off-screen) Hey!
(Tai Lung stops and turns around. He sees Po standing with the dawn behind him at the entrance....currently panting for breath)
Po: Uh. Stairs. Ohhh.
Tai Lung: Who are you?
Po: (catching his breath) Buddy...I am the Dragon Warrior. (Gasps one last time)
Tai Lung: (disbelievingly) You? (to Shifu as he tosses him to the floor) Him? He's a panda. (coming back to Po) You're a panda. What are you going to do, big guy? Sit on me? (Chuckles)
Po: Don't tempt me. (Laughs) Now, I'm gonna use this. (Holds up the Dragon Scroll) You want it? Come get it.
(Tai Lung is severely battered after being belly-bumped by Po and crashing through the ground like in many a classic cartoon)
Tai Lung: (weakly) You...can't defeat me! You....you're just a big...fat...panda! (Po pinches his finger)
Po: I'm not a big, fat panda. I'm the big, fat panda. (he lifts up his pinky finger)
Tai Lung: (gasps) The Wuxi Finger Hold!
Po: Oh, you know this hold?
Tai Lung: You're bluffing. You're bluffing! Shifu didn't teach you that!
Po: Nope. I figured it out. (Po then flexes his pinky finger, with Tai Lung's eyes widening in a "uh-oh" stare) Ska-doosh! (Unleashes a rippling wave of light that vanquishes Tai Lung)
[Last lines. After defeating Tai Lung, Po rushes to check on Shifu, whom he finds unconscious.]
Po: Master! Shifu, Shifu, are you okay?
Shifu: (coughs) Po. You're alive. Or we're both dead.
Po: No, Master, I didn't die...I defeated Tai Lung!
Shifu: You did? (Po nods and smiles. Shifu sighs.) Wow...It is just as Oogway...foretold...You are the Dragon Warrior. (Po's smile disappears) You have brought peace...to this valley...And...and to me...Thank you...(sighs again) Thank you...Po... Thank you...Thank you... (Slowly lays his head down, as if dead)
Po: (looks disbelievingly at his master) No! Master! No, no, no! Don't die, Shifu! Please!
Shifu: (wakes up angrily) I'm not dying, you idiot! (suddenly realizes what he just said) Ah, Dragon Warrior... (relaxes and folds his hands over his chest) I am simply at peace...Finally.
Po: Ohhh...So I should stop talking?
Shifu: (nodding his head, smiling) If you can.
Po: (lays down beside Shifu, folding his hands over his belly. After a few seconds he turns to Shifu) You wanna get something to eat?
Shifu: (sighs and turns to Po) Yeah.

[edit] Quotes from Secrets of the Furious Five

(Po is beginning his first day of teaching the rabbit children kung fu; when he and Shifu walk into the training hall grounds, Po sees the children play-fighting)
Po: (to Shifu, a little nervous) Can I use the Wuxi Finger Hold on them?
Shifu: I'd try not to. Remember Po, each generation teaches the next one. And so the art of kung fu lives on, in you, and now in these.... (watches as a bunny flips, then crashes. Po flinches. Shifu searches for the right words, then smiles playfully) Delightful children. (Shifu quickly dashes out the training ground doors, giving Po a solemn look) Good luck. (he then shuts the doors and leaves, leaving Po alone with the children)
Po: (Not expecting this challenge at all) Wait a second! Master Shifu! Master Shifu, come on! Auugh.
Po: (Getting the rabbit children's attention by banging on the gong) Get those cottontails on the floor!
Po: The Furious Five, huh? They are cool, aren't they? But it wasn't fighting that made them amazing. They each had to learn a secret of kung fu before they became excellent.
Young Viper: No one beats up my daddy!
Young Viper: I don't have to bite to fight!
(Mei Ling, the top student at Lee Da Kung Fu Academy, approaches Crane after watching him gracefully clean up.)
Mei Ling: Wow, Crane! (Crane turns around in surprise) You're amazing!
Crane: Who? (looking behind him, then back at Mei Ling, confused) Me?
Mei Ling: (encouragingly) You should try out for the school.
Crane: (disbelievingly) Who, me? Nah, that's crazy talking. (thinks for a moment, then shakes his head) No, no.
Mei Ling: (turning to leave) Well, you never know unless you try. (leaves)
(Young Tigress escapes from her room, having trashed everything in her path)
Young Tigress: (After coming into the light) I just wanna play.
(Shifu has just met a young Tigress at the orphanage)
Shifu: Tigress. I'm Shifu. I am-
Young Tigress: (turning to Shifu, with anger in her voice) Afraid?
Shifu: (Shuts the door to Tigress' room behind him) No.
Young Tigress: Well, you should be! I'm Tigress! Tigress the monster! (turning away sadly at the wall) The monster no one wants.
Shifu: (firmly but gently) You are not a monster. You're just a little girl. (Tigress gasps softly. Shifu takes out some dominoes and spreads them out. He holds up a domino) Let us play? (Tigress grabs the domino and, because she cannot control her strength, breaks it, sending a piece flying in the air. Shifu reaches out and catches it, then holds it out for Tigress to see) You must learn to control your strength.
Po: (narrating) And so the training began.
Po: (after the children laugh at him) Oh, you think that's funny, do ya?
Bunny Children: Yeah!
Po: Well, I guess it's easier to laugh at someone than to have someone laugh at you, right?
(Master Oogway has just rescued a young Monkey from a falling beam)
Young Monkey: You saved me. Why?
Oogway: (impressed) Monkey, you have shown me great skills. (now concerned) But I also sense in you great pain.
(Flashback shows Monkey as a little child, first slipping on a banana peel, and then having his pants fall down. Everyone laughs at Monkey as he begins to cry; flashback ends, showing Monkey crying, with tears in his eyes)
Young Monkey: (getting up to leave the village, hanging his head dejectedly) You win. I will leave.
Oogway: (gently placing a hand on Monkey's shoulder) Stay. (Monkey turns around slowly, facing Oogway, with a surprised expression) Use your skills for good, young warrior. Find the one thing that you were denied so long ago.
Young Monkey: (still a little stuffed-up from crying) My pants?
Oogway: (correcting Monkey) Compassion.
Young Monkey: (reverently) Thank you, Master. (bows in respect as Oogway places his hand on Monkey's head)
Shifu: (to Po) Teaching kung fu is an art that takes years to master. (glances at the bunny students) Do not be disappointed if you failed. (Turns to a student) Tell me, what do you know about Kung Fu?
Student 1: Uhhhh.
Student 2: (Cuts in) It's about fighting! (Shifu looks disapprovingly at Po, but then the student continues) But it's also about having patience.
(All the other students jump in.)
Student 3: And courage.
Student 4: And discipline.
Student 5: And compassion.
Student 1: (Finally can speak) Uhhh, it builds Confidence?
(Shifu looks surprised at Po, who just smiles.)
Shifu: (Surprised and impressed) Well, uh, you carry on, Master Po. (Starts to leave, feeling more relaxed) I'm going to meditate. (Leaves)
[Last lines; Po's about to leave after successfully teaching the children the secrets of kung fu.]
Bunny Child: (to Po) Wait Po, what about you?
Po: Me?
Bunnies: Yeah! Tell us about your first day! Tell us! Come on, tell us!
Po: (after remembering all the bad memories he had when he first came to the Jade Palace, surprisingly gives the children an excited smile) It was totally awesome!

[edit] Taglines

  • Prepare For Awesomeness
  • Prepare for Pandamonium
  • Pandamonium Begins June 6

[edit] Cast

[edit] External links

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