Season 1 
Louie: What do you mean "what?"
Rich: I mean "what the fuck?"
Rich: What do think Louie? This morning she just woke up and looked at your dirty freckled cock... and thought to herself 'Oh yeah, I want that stuck in me'
Kim: Stop thinking about money, the only thing you should be thinking about ...is all. this. ASS.
Louie: (to her ass) WE CAN'T AFFORD IT
Kim: Yeah talk to it baby.
Louie: Look. I would love to tap that ass...
Kim: So tap it!
Louie: I want to.. But my dick is too aware that your pussy is a chamber of financial ruin
Kim: Are you serious??
Louie: I'm sorry, I need at least three thousand dollars in an interest bearing account to get fully hard
Louie: You were right. She was just trying to get pregnant.
Mike: So what?
Louie: So? I gotta choose between another kid or no sex for another year.
Mike: Ahh, go ahead. Have another one. That's how life goes.
Mike: (Contemplating) You fuck. You have kids. You eat. That's all.
Mike: (Takes a drag) Look at me.
Louie: The day you get married you realize "Shit! I can't leave now. I wasn't thinking of leaving but now I REALLY can't leave". And then you have a kid and the moment the kid arrives you realize "Shit! I coulda left! I totally coulda left! The door right there and it wasn't even fucking locked."
Mike: See, you're just on your first wife. Now with your first wife you make all the mistakes. With your second wife, you try to correct those mistakes, but you make new, worse ones. But the third wife, heh. Ahh that's a marriage.
Walter: Hey man, I guess it's worth it if I can help one little white girl learn the difference between a black man and a refrigerator.
Kim's O 
Louie: Quit throwin your snatch at me so hard. Feels like your gonna rip my dick off.
Mike: All that gratitude pours out of me and it makes her pop.
A Mugging Story 
Walter: If white people ain't havin' a good time, what's it all for?
Long Weekend 
Flowers for Kim 
Louie: Red roses are cheesy and meaningless, a totally empty gesture. They're for asshole husbands who treat their wives like shit.
Louie: Our kid's a fucking asshole.
Get Out 
Mike: I guess the main thing is, when I feel bad, I drink, and I don't feel bad anymore. And when I feel good, I drink, and I feel better
Louie Quits 
Kim Moves Out 
Louie: Cause all married couples hate each other. The ones that don't make it are the ones that can't handle it, but we know we can handle it cause it's been there since the beginning, but we chose to be together!