Martin and Lewis (film)
- Written and Directed by John Gray. Starring Sean Hayes as Jerry Lewis and Jeremy Northam as Dean Martin.
- Jerry Lewis: It's never happened to me before.
- Dean Martin: Me neither.
- Jerry Lewis: I want it to happen again.
- Dean Martin: Me to.
- Jerry Lewis: Nice for you to show up.
- Dean Martin: Not that you would've missed me.
(While doing an act)
- Dean Martin: Did you take a bath this morning?
- Jerry Lewis: Oh why, is there one missing?
- Dean Martin: How come you make so many mistakes?
- Jerry Lewis: I got up early.
- Dean Martin: Ahh, get out of here.
- Dean Martin: What's the matter with you pallie, you should be on top of the world?
- Jerry Lewis: I am happy.
- Dean Martin: Notify your face, cause you sure don't look it.
- Jerry Lewis: You know what....All the great reviews, all the money, all the laughs and all I keep thinking about is my old man.
- Jerry Lewis: Hey did you read the script?
- Dean Martin: Ahh what script?
- Jerry Lewis: What script? unbelievable.
- Dean Martin: Oh come on.
- Jerry Lewis: Well I've read it, it's very funny Dean, I want this deal, I want this part.
- Dean Martin: If you wear that on your sleeve your dead. My mother always told me 'never let anyone know who you are'.
- Jerry Lewis: She must be very proud of you boy, I'll tell you that. My father had a saying to, 'Expect the worst and you'll never be disappointed'. You gotta learn the mans name were in business with, he's a great producer Hal Wallis.
- Dean Martin: Good show.
- Jerry Lewis: Best one yet.
- Jerry Lewis: Well Dean, here we are at the famous Paramount Theater in New York.
- Dean Martin: Oh is that where we are?
- Jerry Lewis: That's where we are. Where else would we be?
- Dean Martin: Well I don't know I just woke up. Wondering what all these people were doing in my bedroom.
- Jerry Lewis: Anyway Mr Dean Martin who is talented exceeded only by his alimony, will now sing for you. He wanted me to pay half, but I had no other fun.
- Dean Martin: Funny little bastard, isn't he?
- Jerry Lewis: We have the one thing that no other team has.
- Dean Martin: Yeah Jerry, what's that?
- Jerry Lewis: It's the love we have for each other.
- Dean Martin: You know you can talk about love all you want, but to me your nothing but a dollar sign. I am done pallie. Were finished.
- Jerry Lewis: And now...and now ladies and gentlemen, for your extreme listening pleasure Mr. Dean Martin.
(Dean comes up on stage and sings My Own, My Only, My All)
- Dean Martin: Okay folks, for my next number I'm gonna sing the same song again. I'm gonna keep on singing it, till I get it right.
- Lou Perry: Okay were up next, and remember let me do the talking. And what your gonna dress down a little.
- Betty Martin: How much longer can we do this? this is a disgrace Dean.
- Dean Martin: It's a good thing. Clean and slick.
- Betty Martin: You have two kids and maybe you noticed the third on the way. Going bankrupt is a good thing.
- Dean Martin: Things will turn around.
- Betty Martin: Why don't you come back to Philly. Get a job with my father be a regular person.
- Dean Martin: Betty, I'm not gonna do what you, or what anybody else wants me to do, you understand that?
- Betty Martin: You just don't care do you?
- Jerry Lewis: We killed them, didn't we?
- Dean Martin: Oh yeah kid, we killed them alright.
- Jerry Lewis: Didn't you feel it, I felt it. It was like a jolt, like a lightning bolt. I didn't know what was gonna happen next, and I loved it.
- Dean Martin: You never talked to Angelo about the dishes.
- Jerry Lewis: Hey if Angelo was smart, hed put us together don't you think?
- Dean Martin: I'm a solo act.
- Jerry Lewis: Well me to, but together we could....
- Dean Martin: I mean I go solo.
(While Jerry is working on an audition to play Al in My Friend Irma)
- Hal Wallis: Well were all friends here, so lets speak frankly. Jerry your not an actor.
- Jerry Lewis: I can do better.
- Director: I worked with him as much as I could Hal. We shot nine tests, he just doesn't have it.
- Jerry Lewis: Fellas, I'm here in the room with you.
- Hal Wallis: Jerry don't take this personally.
- Jerry Lewis: How?
- Director: Jerry, this shows been on the radio for years, it has millions of fans. If someone who's not right to play Al, the audience will kill us.
- Jerry Lewis: What about Dean?
- Hal Wallis: Dean's great. He's very natural, he'll be perfect as Steve.
- Director: [nervously] Here's what Hal was thinking, were gonna write a part just for you. We'll call him Seymour, a really whacky sidekick to Dean. You can be yourself and have fun, it'll be perfect.
- Jerry Lewis: (angrily) Listen to me Mr Wallis. Jerry Lewis plays Al, like it says in my contract.
- Hal Wallis: You listen to me Jerry Lewis. I don't give a damn what it says in your contract, your not right for Al, your not playing Al. That's it, that's all.
- Jerry Lewis: I'm not playing Seymour. I'm playing Al, I can do it.
- Hal Wallis: You don't want to play Seymour Jerry, I'll tell you what, you sit this picture up. We'll go for Dean to play Steve, we'll get a real actor to play Al, and you, well you can go back to New York.
- Jerry Lewis: You can't do that. Dean and I are partners, were a team. I don't like you Hal Wallis.
- Hal Wallis: Ahh, now you went and hurt my feelings.
- Lou Perry: Not that I don't love having you stay at my place. Stay as long as you like.
- Dean Martin: You've been good to me Lou, and a real good friend. I wont forget that.
- Lou Perry: Don't go soft on me pallie?
- Dean Martin: Ok pallie.
[During their last act at the Copacabana]
- Jerry Lewis: Who wants a drink, next to that, I'm drunk already.
- Jerry Lewis: All right ladies and gentleman, the Italian street singer is getting old.
- Dean Martin: Ahh, what is this.
- Jerry Lewis: Mr singer man, go get em.
- Jerry Lewis: Hey, who let Jackie Gleason in here.
- Dean Martin: Is Jackie in here. Hey Jackie how are you.
[Jackie sitting at the back table smoking a cigar, nods]
- Jerry Lewis: Everybody protect your food.
- Sean Hayes - Jerry Lewis
- Jeremy Northam - Dean Martin
- Paula Cale - Betty Martin
- Sarah Manninen - Patti Lewis
- Kate Levering - Jeanne Martin
- Conrad Dunn - Lou Perry
- Steve Brinder - Danny Lewis
- Scott McCord - Abby Greshler
- David Eisner - Lew Wasserman
- Bill Lake - Hal Wallis