Sex and the City
- For film quotes, see Sex and the City: The Movie.
Sex and the City is an American comedy-drama television series, which originally aired on HBO from June 6, 1998, to February 22, 2004. The series depicts the lives and loves of four single women living in trendy Manhattan.
Season 1
[edit]- Carrie: [voiceover] Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember.
- Big: Oh, I get it... You've never been in love.
- Carrie: Wait... have you ever been in love?
- Big: Abso-fucking-lutely!
- Carrie: [voiceover] Modelizers are obsessed not with women, but with models, who in most cities are safely confined to billboards and magazines, but in Manhattan actually run wild on the streets, turning the city into a virtual model country safari where men can pet the creatures in their natural habitat.
- Charlotte: I just know no matter how good I feel about myself, if I see Christy Turlington, I just want to give up!
- Miranda: Well, I just want to tie her down and force-feed her lard, but that's the difference between you and me.
- Carrie: Charlotte treated marriage like a sorority she was desperately hoping to pledge.
- Carrie: Everywhere I looked, people were standing in two's. It was like Noah's Upper West Side rent-controlled ark.
- Samantha: [on the phone] I am so fucked.
- Carrie: What's wrong?
- Samantha: No, I mean, literally. I have been fucked every way you can be fucked.
- Carrie: If you keep talking like that, I'm gonna charge you by the minute.
- Samantha: Front, back, who cares? A hole is a hole.
- Miranda: Can I quote you?
- Samantha: Oh, don't be so judgmental. You could use a little back door.
- Charlotte: I'm not a hole!
- Carrie: Honey, we know.
- Samantha: Look, all I'm saying, that this is—this is a physical expression that the body was... well, it was designed to experience. And P.S., it's fabulous.
- Charlotte: What are you talking about? I went to Smith!
- Samantha: Look, I'm just saying, with the right guy, and the right lubricant...
- [Carrie, Miranda and Samantha start laughing when the cab hits a hole]
- Charlotte: What was that?
- Miranda and Samantha: A preview.
- Carrie: We had such a fantastic connection. Then he leaves me money. I don't understand. What exactly about me screams "whore"?
- Miranda: Besides the thousand dollars on the end table?
- Samantha: Money is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.
- Miranda: Don't listen to the dime-store Camille Paglia.
- Charlotte: [to Carrie, about her date with Big] I thought you were serious about this guy. You can't sleep with him on the first date.
- Samantha: Oh, God!
- Miranda: Here she goes again with "The Rules."
- Samantha: The women who wrote that book, they wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.
- Samantha: Reality check: A guy can just as easily dump you if you fuck him on the first date as he can if you wait until the tenth.
- Miranda: When have you ever been on a tenth date?
- Miranda: Oral sex is like God's gift to women. You can get off without worrying about getting pregnant.
- Samantha: Plus, the sense of power is such a turn-on. Maybe you're on your knees, but you got 'em by the balls.
- Charlotte: Now, you see, that is the reason that I don't wanna go down this road.
- Carrie: Oh, sweetheart, if you're gonna get all choked up about it... just don't do it. Don't do it.
- Miranda: But if you don't go down on him, how can you expect him to go down on you?
- Charlotte: I don't.
- Miranda: Oh, well, forget it! I only give head to get head.
- Samantha: Me too.
- Random woman: Monogamy is fabulous. It gives you a deep and profound connection to another human being, and you don't have to shave your legs as much.
- Samantha: Threesomes are huge right now. They're the blow job of the '90s.
- Charlotte: What was the blow job of the '80s?
- Samantha: Anal sex.
- Miranda: [about the married man Samantha is having an affair with] He's never gonna leave his wife for you, you know. They never do.
- Samantha: Thank God. Who needs the trouble? This is ideal. No muss, no fuss.
- Carrie: Sounds like you're selling toilet bowl cleaner.
- Carrie: I'm not gonna replace a man with some battery-operated device.
- Miranda: You say that, but you haven't met "The Rabbit."
- Samantha: Oh, come on. If you're gonna get a vibrator, at least get one called "The Horse."
- Charlotte: A vibrator does not call you on your birthday. A vibrator doesn't send you flowers the next day. You cannot take a vibrator home to meet your mother.
- Miranda: Well, I know where my next orgasm is coming from. Who here can say as much?
- Carrie: [voiceover] My Zen teacher once told me that there was nothing like yoga to quiet a busy mind. Just as I had reached the moment of no thought...
- Charlotte: [whispering] I think I broke my vagina.
- Carrie: Oh, sorry. Am I pulling too hard?
- Charlotte: No, metaphorically, I mean. With the Rabbit.
- Carrie: Oh, shit! I totally spaced. I forgot to buy her a present. How tacky is it to give the mother-to-be a fistful of cash?
- Samantha: Oh, don't worry about it. [picks up a bottle of Scotch] You can go in on mine.
- Carrie: You bought a pregnant woman a bottle of Scotch?
- Samantha: The invitation said BYOB.
- Miranda: That meant "bring your own baby."
- Miranda: I just realized... maybe it's maturity or the wisdom that comes with age, but the witch in "Hansel and Gretel"—she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along and start eating it.
- Woman on the street: They say the average 33-year-old woman has sex 3.5 times a week. I'd like to know who that woman is.
- Miranda: [to a heckling construction worker] You got what I want? You got what I need? Well, what I want is to get laid. What I need is to get laid. I need to get laid!
- Samantha: [after announcing she met a guy she's in love with] I'd totally given up on the idea that you could actually talk to men.
- Carrie: Hey, don't spread that around.
- Samantha: Before James, all my conversations consisted of two sentences—"give it to me" and "go home." And I owe it all to Charlotte.
- Charlotte: Me? What did I do?
- Samantha: All that bullshit you spout about not sleeping with men right away actually paid off. I mean, if I'd fucked James already, who knows where we'd be.
- Miranda: Wait. You haven't had sex yet?
- Samantha: Soon. You know... I think he's someone I could actually marry.
- Charlotte: Samantha, that's great.
- Carrie: [voiceover] The idea that Samantha could possibly get married before she did shook Charlotte's beliefs to the core.
- Samantha: [crying] James has a small dick.
- Carrie: Aw... Well, it's not the end of the world.
- Samantha: It's really small.
- Miranda: How small?
- Samantha: Too small.
- Carrie: Well, size isn't everything.
- Samantha: Three inches?
- Carrie: Well...
- Samantha: Hard?
- Charlotte: Is he a good kisser?
- Samantha: Oh, who the fuck cares? His dick is like a gherkin!
Season 2
[edit]- Charlotte: It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.
- Carrie: I always like a good math solution to any love problem.
- Miranda: How did it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.
- Samantha: That can be a turn-on.
- Miranda: Sure, but now he wants me to reciprocate, and I can't. I never could.
- Carrie: Why not?
- Miranda: Because sex is not a time to chat. In fact, it's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where it is perfectly appropriate—if not preferable—to shut up. And now suddenly I have to worry about being stumped for conversation? No, thank you.
- Charlotte: Just keep talking about his big cock.
- Samantha: Correction—his big, beautiful cock.
- Carrie: We're using the "C" word now?
- [Samantha and James are in a couples counseling session]
- Samantha: Your penis is too small!
- James: Excuse me?
- Samantha: It doesn't... and it just... it can't. And I can't. And it's... it's just too damn small.
- James: Did you ever stop to think that maybe your vagina is too big? [gets up and leaves]
- Samantha: What can I say? I need a big dick.
- Dr. Velma Rubin: I hear that.
- Miranda: I'm sorry, if a man is over 30 and single, there's something wrong with him. It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out from propagating the species.
- Carrie: Okay, what about us?
- Miranda: We're just choosy.
- Charlotte: Forget it. I'm not dating anyone who is known as Mr. Pussy.
- Samantha: Why not?
- Charlotte: Well, maybe I want more than that.
- Samantha: Oh, sweetie, if a man is good at that, there is nothing more.
- Carrie and Miranda: Amen.
- Miranda: Orgasm, major thing in a relationship?
- Charlotte: Yeah, but not the only thing. Orgasms don't send you Valentine's Day cards and don't hold your hand in a sad movie.
- Carrie: Mine do.
- Samantha: Is he that bad in bed?
- Miranda: No, he's just... He's a guy. They can rebuild a jet engine, but when it comes to a woman... What's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the Sphinx!
- Carrie: I think you just found the title for your autobiography.
- Samantha: You know, it's really not their fault. They don't come with a manual. If I had a son, I'd teach him all about the vagina.
- Carrie: If you had a son, we'd call social services.
- Charlotte: Everyone needs a man. That's why I rent. If you own and he still rents, then the power structure is all off. It's emasculating. Men don't want a woman who's too self-sufficient.
- Samantha: I'm sorry, did someone just order a Victorian straight up?
- Carrie: So how was the sex?
- Charlotte: Amazing! It was like Liz was looking over us, giving us her blessing.
- Carrie: A threesome in absentia.
- Charlotte: I mean, my hat blew right into her headstone. She was clearly sending a message.
- Miranda: Yeah, "don't fuck my husband, you hat-loving bitch."
- Samantha: Nobody told me it was BYO man.
- Carrie: Well, what did you expect? It's a lesbian art show.
- Samantha: I know! But don't straight guys usually follow them around to see what they're going to do?
- Samantha: Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls: Because they can. It's part of their biology. Instead of wasting all this energy condemning it, maybe it's time we all got in line with the reality of the situation.
- Carrie: Well, that sounds very empowering, but you're forgetting one important detail.
- Miranda: God, I hope so.
- Carrie: Women cheat.
- Charlotte: Yeah, but it's completely different.
- Samantha: How?
- Charlotte: 'Cause we don't go around randomly attacking any man that we're attracted to.
- Samantha: Speak for yourself.
- Charlotte: We're not driven by testosterone.
- Carrie: Then what does drive us according to you?
- Charlotte: Emotions.
- Samantha: You mean hormones.
- Charlotte: No. I mean that little voice inside of me that says, "Mate for life! Mate for life!"
- Samantha: Sweetheart, you can't go listening to every fucking little voice that runs through your head. It'll drive you nuts.
- Charlotte: It's love at first sight.
- Samantha: Oh, honey, this isn't love. This is about two people justifying a week of non-stop fucking.
- Miranda: On my furniture! I have to redecorate.
- Charlotte: I just don't understand. How could you forget someone you slept with?
- Carrie: Toto, I don't think we're in single digits anymore.
- Samantha: What's your age ceiling with men?
- Carrie: 50?
- Samantha: Factor in millions and millions of dollars.
- Carrie: 50?
- Samantha: Well, I just met the cutest older man.
- Carrie: How old, 50? 60? Sweetie, is he on Medicare?
- Samantha: I'm guessing 72. A young 72.
- Carrie: [on the phone] I'm at Big's.
- Miranda: You're at Big's? You and I are having dinner tonight!
- Carrie: Well, he got this veal.
- Miranda: You blew me off for a piece of politically incorrect meat?!
- Carrie: You've never seen an uncircumcised one?
- Charlotte: I'm from Connecticut!
- Samantha: All I'm saying is, uncut men are the best. They try harder. I should know. I've slept with five of them.
- Charlotte: Out of how many?
- Carrie: Infinity.
- Carrie: [about Big] Now I've laid down the gauntlet. He either has to say "I love you" back or I guess I'm gonna have to break up with him.
- Charlotte: Well, how long are you gonna give him?
- Carrie: Well, I didn't put an expiration date on the sentiment, but I figure it's got the shelf life of a dairy product. It's gonna start to curdle in about a week.
- Samantha: You know, it's so interesting. You can tell a man, "I hate you", you'll have the best sex of your life. But tell him, "I love you", you'll probably never see him again.
- Miranda: When single men have a lot of money, it works to their advantage, but when a single woman has money, it's a problem you have to deal with. It's ridiculous! I want to enjoy my success, not apologize for it.
- Samantha: Bravo, honey! Bravo!
- Charlotte: But you're talking about more than a difference in income. You're talking about a difference in background and education. This guy is working class.
- Miranda: Working class?!
- Charlotte: Yeah.
- Carrie: It's the millennium, sweetie. We don't say things like "working class" anymore.
- Charlotte: But you're trying to pretend that we live in a classless society, and we don't.
- Carrie: Okay, Marie Antoinette, we get the picture.
- Samantha: I never leave underwear at a guy's place because I never see it again.
- Charlotte: What happens to it?
- Samantha: Nothing. I just never go back.
- Carrie: Doesn't that get a little expensive, disposing of lingerie every time you sleep with a guy?
- Samantha: That's why I stopped wearing underwear on dates.
- Miranda: And that's why I'm never borrowing a dress from you again.
- Charlotte: I am so confused. Is he gay or is he straight?
- Carrie: Well, it's not that simple anymore. The real question is, is he a straight gay man, or is he a gay straight man?
- Carrie: [voiceover] The gay straight man was a new strain of heterosexual male spawned in Manhattan as the result of overexposure to fashion, exotic cuisine, musical theater and antique furniture.
- Samantha: Oh, hopefully, he's a gay straight man, which means he's straight with a lot of great gay qualities. Whereas a straight gay guy is just a gay guy who plays sports and won't fuck you.
- Carrie: It's about the fact that I wasn't even a factor in his decision-making process.
- Miranda: Totally.
- Samantha: Men do this all the time. Women walk around thinking "we." And their version of "we" is "me and my dick."
- Carrie: [voiceover] After we made love I knew it was over. Did I ever really love Big, or was I addicted to the pain? The exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable.
- Carrie: Hey, I don't need therapy. I need new friends.
- Samantha: Look, we're as fucked-up as you are. It's like the blind leading the blind.
- Samantha: The only place you can control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men blow jobs, we could run the world!
- Carrie: And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and stuff.
- Samantha: Carrie, you can't date your fuck buddy.
- Carrie: Say it a little louder. I don't think the old lady in the last row heard you.
- Samantha: You're gonna take the only person in your life that's there purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?
- Miranda: You double-booked?
- Charlotte: Well, I had to. This one guy was going out of town for three weeks, and the other guy didn't wanna cancel.
- Carrie: So, how do you conceive pulling this one off?
- Charlotte: Early dinner with bachelor number one, late supper with bachelor number two.
- Samantha: My God, you're turning into a man!
- Carrie: [voiceover] Apparently Charlotte had done more than break a pattern. She had actually changed genders.
- Charlotte: I just don't know how I'm ever gonna eat two dinners in a row.
- Carrie: [voiceover] And then, just like that, she was a woman again.
- Samantha: I fucked a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much a nerd, but I'd go over there and get all cocoa-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool-Aid and chips.
- Carrie: Kool-Aid?
- Samantha: Yeah, Kool-Aid. I was 13. And honey, you should have seen my tan.
- Charlotte: [to Samantha, after discovering she had slept with Charlotte's brother Wesley] Is your vagina in the New York City guidebooks? Because it should be, it's the hottest spot in town! It's always open!
- Carrie: [voiceover; about her date who wouldn't kiss her] I couldn't figure it out. I knew he wanted me because during my lean-in-and-kiss-me-good-night move, I accidentally on purpose felt his pop-up-and-say-hello.
- Charlotte: I'm mature enough to realize that while I may be good at some things like... accessories, that I might need help in others like...
- Samantha: Fucking?
- Charlotte: Making love. So... I'm taking a class.
- Samantha: A fucking class?
- Charlotte: No, a tantric sex workshop.
- Charlotte: It's a really cute three-bedroom cottage and they're giving us a fantastic deal for the month of August.
- Carrie: Yeah, of course it's a good deal. It's haunted with cheating boyfriends and sexual rejection.
- Samantha: We could always burn sage.
- Carrie: [voiceover] And then I realized, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.
- Samantha: I'm telling you, Carrie, it was like a wall of flesh coming at me!
- Carrie: There's nothing scarier than a really big one coming at you.
- Samantha: I didn't even wanna get my mouth near it, I was afraid I'd get lockjaw. I mean, it was quite a shock. His hands are relatively tiny.
- Carrie: Oh, don't tell me you believe that.
- Samantha: Not anymore! I am really gonna have to psych myself up before I try it again.
- Carrie: You're gonna try it again? Why?
- Samantha: Because it's there!
- Carrie: Sweetie, it's a penis, not Mount Everest.
- Carrie: [voiceover] Then I had a thought: Maybe I didn't break Big. Maybe the problem was he couldn't break me. Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free, until they find someone just as wild to run with.
Season 3
[edit]Where There's Smoke...
[edit]- Samantha: Ladies, let me tell you about his cock.
- Charlotte: Will you be quiet? The people at the next table have a child.
- Samantha: Well, that's their choice.
- Carrie: You know, Little Miss Hangover is right. Can we, uh, lighten up on the cock talk till cocktail time?
- Charlotte: I think it's wrong to sleep with a man just to fulfill a certain fantasy.
- Samantha: Please, all the men we sleep with fulfill a certain fantasy.
- Carrie: Or nightmare.
- Samantha: You fantasize a man with a Park Avenue apartment and a nice, big stock portfolio. For me, it's a fireman with a nice, big hose.
Politically Erect
[edit]- Samantha: The country runs better with a good-looking man in the White House. I mean, look what happened to Nixon. No one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone.
- Stanford: I can only stay a few minutes. I've got tickets to The Vagina Monologues.
- Carrie: Why?
- Stanford: Just because I don't eat at the restaurant doesn't mean I can't hear the specials.
Attack of the 5'10" Woman
[edit]- Miranda: Magda, what I don't need is another mother. I have one in Philadelphia, and that's close enough. I need a housekeeper, who will clean my apartment and stop judging me because I'm a 34-year-old, single woman living in New York. I drink coffee, and have sex, and buy pies and enjoy battery-operated devices.
- Upper East Side woman: I also head up the committee to match mentors with underprivileged children. It would be wonderful if you'd be willing to work with some of our kids who want to write.
- Carrie: I write about sex. Is that something they'd like to learn, these kids, writing about blow jobs and stuff?
Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl...
[edit]- Samantha: I once dated a guy who liked to wear my underwear, but I've never gone the other way.
- Stanford: See, when you're gay, everyone can wear everyone's underwear.
- Charlotte: That's hygienic?
- Samantha: You know, that generation is all about sexual experimentation. All the kids are going bi.
- Carrie: So what? If all the bi kids are jumping off a bridge, you're gonna do that too?
- Samantha: I'm a "try-sexual". I'll try anything once.
No Ifs, Ands, or Butts
[edit]- Charlotte: You shouldn't be talking like that at all, Samantha. It's rude and politically incorrect.
- Carrie: Sweetie, a reminder: Samantha is rude and politically incorrect.
- Miranda: She's an equal opportunity offender.
- Samantha: Precisely. I don't see color. I see conquests.
- Samantha: [after her date's sister harassed her because she's white] Talk about politically incorrect! She can't diss me just because I'm white!
- Carrie: Please tell me you didn't say "diss."
- Charlotte: Maybe you should stop seeing him, Samantha. Race is a very big issue.
- Samantha: No, there is no reason to bring race into this. Chivon is a sweet man. We have great sex, and he happens to have the biggest—
- Charlotte: [interrupts loudly] Black cock! We know, he has a big black cock!
- Samantha: I was about to say "biggest heart." But now that you're so interested, yes, he does have a big black cock. [smiles contently]
Are We Sluts?
[edit]- Carrie: [voiceover] If you're a 30-something woman living in Manhattan, and you refuse to settle and you're sexually active, it's inevitable that you'll rack up a certain number of partners. But how many men is too many men? Are we simply romantically challenged, or are we sluts?
- Samantha: [on the phone] They practically chased me with torches like I was Fuckenstein.
- Carrie: Oh, relax, they can't evict you for having sex.
- Samantha: Of course not. They're just jealous. They're a bunch of dried-up old farts who haven't had sex since Eisenhower. And I remind them of what they can't have. [sigh] It might be time to move.
- Carrie: No, you can't move! You have a rent-controlled apartment on the Upper East Side.
- Samantha: Honey, this isn't rent control, this is life control.
Drama Queens
[edit]- Miranda: Steve is completely predictable, but that's one of the things I love about him. He's just so comfortable and safe.
- Carrie: Are you dating a man or a minivan?
- Miranda: Read into it what you will, but my new favorite thing to do on a Saturday night is Steve's laundry, and I have never been happier.
- Samantha: Your relationship is my greatest fear realized.
- Miranda: Maybe I'm mistaking falling into a rut with intimacy.
- Carrie: How often are you guys having sex?
- Miranda: Often enough. But it's totally generic. We've got every move down pat. It's more like a race to have an orgasm than anything else.
- Carrie: Still, it's nice to be a contestant, isn't it?
- Miranda: Sure. I know what you mean. We whine when we don't have a boyfriend, and we whine when we do.
The Big Time
[edit]- Charlotte: Do you know what I read? That if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become revirginized.
- Carrie: And, I would imagine, quite frisky.
- Charlotte: But isn't that great? You can erase your whole sexual past and start again.
- Carrie: Who wants their virginity back? It was bad enough the first time.
- Miranda: Do you have another?
- Carrie: Ladies, I am not Tampax central. Put on list: Buy tampons.
- Charlotte: Well, I have them at home, but they won't fit in my Kate Spade purse.
- Miranda: Wow, Kate must have a tiny vagina.
Easy Come, Easy Go
[edit]- Samantha: Well, let's just say it: You won.
- Carrie: Was there a contest?
- Samantha: Oh, please! There's always a contest with an ex. It's called "who will die miserable?".
- Samantha: [to Adam] You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothing. Now, having said all that, with the right man it can be fabulous. That is, unless the man in question has spunk that's like a trip to the rotten egg buffet.
All or Nothing
[edit]- Samantha: [after learning Carrie had an affair with Big] It's all about the pheromones. We're all just animals reacting to each other's smell.
- Carrie: I have a non-married, wonderful boyfriend with all his hair, waiting for me, who smells great.
- Samantha: Don't beat yourself up. Aidan hasn't said "I love you" yet. Until he does, you're a free agent.
- Carrie: What is that, "The Rules According to Samantha"?
- Samantha: See? I'm more old-fashioned than you think.
- Samantha: I'm gonna tell you something. There's two types of guys out there—the ones that hold your hand, and the ones that fuck you.
- Carrie: [voiceover] And I'd slept with both of them in the last 48 hours.
- Samantha: And the guys that fuck you aren't worth a damn. We're all alone, Carrie. [starts crying]
Running with Scissors
[edit]- Carrie: [after telling Miranda about her affair with Big] I want everyone to get out of this without anyone getting hurt.
- Miranda: Well, that's realistic.
- Carrie: Why not? You've heard those stories about affairs where people realize how great their other relationship is and end it without anyone being the wiser.
- Miranda: I don't watch Lifetime Television for Women.
- Charlotte: The pink Post-its are for the gowns I kinda like. The green Post-its are for the gowns I kinda really like. And the yellow Post-its are for the gowns I don't know if I like. Here.
- Miranda: Kill me, please. Just take a sharp object and drag it across my throat.
- Charlotte: Stop. Miranda, you take Modern Bride. Samantha, New York Bride. [hands Miranda and Charlotte bridal magazines]
- Carrie: And I'll take what, Annoying Bride?
- Charlotte: Here, Carrie. Page 211. Pink Post-its. Tell me what you think. [hands Carrie a bridal magazine]
- Carrie: Okey-dokey.
- Miranda: [looking at a magazine] Ooh! Cute purse!
- Charlotte: No purses! There's no time for purses! This is gown-specific!
- Miranda: What's your theme again? A Nazi wedding?
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
[edit]- Miranda: I'm just saying, as a lawyer—a partner, no less—I got zero dates, and as a stewardess, I got one for tomorrow night.
- Carrie: I believe the correct term is "flight attendant".
- Miranda: Not if you wanna get laid.
- Samantha: Honey, it doesn't matter what you say you do. It's how you say it. For example, "I'm in PR". Translation: "I give great head".
- Charlotte: [after the wedding] I finally get to sleep with Trey.
- Carrie: Excuse me?
- Miranda: You haven't slept with him yet?
- Samantha: Honey, before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive!
- Charlotte: I wanted to save myself until we got married.
- Carrie: But, sweetie, you're not a virgin.
- Charlotte: Well, I am in this relationship, and I think it's romantic.
- Samantha: Yeah, it's romantic until he can't figure out where to put it in.
Escape from New York
[edit]- Charlotte: So how are you?
- Carrie: I'm good. How are you?
- Charlotte: Great.
- [Pause]
- Carrie: I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me.
- Charlotte: Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon.
- Carrie: You win. So, should we get more coffee or should we get two guns and kill ourselves?
- Samantha: I've got something to make you feel better. [hands Carrie and Miranda packages]
- Carrie: Oh! Dildos before 10 am. I'm all perked up.
- Samantha: They're autographed. One for each.
- Miranda: My friend went to California. All I got was this lousy dildo.
- Carrie: Could you please put these back wherever they came from? People are staring.
- Samantha: Please, it's LA. No one cares if your egg whites have a side of cock.
Sex and Another City
[edit]- Miranda: [to Samantha, who's offered to take Charlotte to a Playboy Mansion party] Why would that cheer her up? Does she look like a 22-year-old frat boy?
- Carrie: Nothing surprises me anymore. Apparently, in LA, house-sitters are somebodies and New York writers are prostitutes.
- Samantha: Oh, sweetie, you're at least a high-class escort.
- Carrie: Thank you.
Hot Child in the City
[edit]- Samantha: Are you in pain? I'm in pain just looking at you.
- Miranda: I'm a 34-year-old woman with braces, and I'm on a liquid diet. Pain doesn't begin to cover it.
- Charlotte: [describing a sex fantasy with Trey] I'm a fairy princess in a forest, and I'm riding on a unicorn. And suddenly I see you—a pirate in buckskins, a prince in disguise. And that's when you pull me off my unicorn. You tear away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your Schooner deep inside my Rebecca. Now you. Where are you?
- Trey: I'm in hell. I'm sorry, Charlotte. I can't do this. I'm a respected surgeon.
Frenemies
[edit]- Miranda: They're starting to die on us.
- Charlotte: Oh, my God.
- Samantha: Well, at least you weren't stood up.
- Miranda: 35 and they're dying! We should just give up now.
- Carrie: Well, on the bright side, this could explain why they don't call back.
- Charlotte: How did he...
- Miranda: Heart attack. At the gym.
- Carrie: See? This is why I don't work out.
- Charlotte: We've been trying, you know, to...
- Samantha: Fuck?
- Charlotte: Whatever. And it's just not...
- Samantha: Getting big and hard?
- Carrie: What is this, dirty Mad Libs?
What Goes Around Comes Around
[edit]- Charlotte: This is insane! I'm married, I can't be looking at gardeners!
- Samantha: Honey, what's the point of being in the suburbs if you're not gonna fuck a gardener?
- Carrie: I came here today because I needed to say how sorry I am. I am deeply sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong, and I'm sorry.
- Natasha: Are you through?
- Carrie: Yes. Thank you for listening.
- Natasha: Wait. I'm sorry, too.
- Carrie: You are?
- Natasha: Yes. I'm sorry about it all. I'm sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry that we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you, and I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery, this tooth is still a different color than this tooth. Finally, I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now, not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch.
Cock a Doodle Do!
[edit]- Charlotte: It's infuriating! Women sit around obsessing about what went wrong over and over, and men just say "all righty" and then move on.
- Samantha: I take offense at that generalization. Not all women sit around and obsess about men. As soon as my relationships are over, I move on.
- Carrie: Relationships?
- Samantha: You know, dates.
- Samantha: [at a barbecue] Who wants a wiener?
- Destiny: Girl, I'm trying to get rid of one!
Season 4
[edit]The Agony and the 'Ex'-tacy
[edit]- Jill: Oh, what a beautiful wedding ring! Where's your husband?
- Charlotte: Oh, um, he's not here. We're actually taking some time apart. We're separated—not legally separated, nothing legal. Oh, God, no! We're just taking some time to figure things out. We got married really fast—love at first sight, didn't think it through. So, now we're talking and trying to figure out what he—actually, we, he and I—really want. We love each other so much, but that doesn't always mean a marriage is working, does it? No, it does not. We had some problems, in the bedroom. But it was more about the fact that we got married so fast. So, now we're just talking and trying to figure things out—just talking, nothing physical. I think it's better if we just talk. So, we are talking until we figure it all out. So, no, he's not here.
- Jill: Oh, okay. I have to... [to friend] Don't talk to her.
- Charlotte: Samantha, your face is glowing. Did you get a facial or something?
- Samantha: I masturbated all afternoon.
- Carrie: All right, then.
- Miranda: Seriously? All afternoon?
- Samantha: Well, two, two and a half hours.
- Miranda: Who's got that kind of time? I like to get in and get out.
- Samantha: Well, I enjoy a quickie every now and then too, but when it's good like today, I go with it. I masturbated to my priest.
- Charlotte: Your priest?
- Samantha: Friar Fuck.
- Carrie: Okay, I think we might have to get Charlotte a crash helmet.
- Charlotte: You have a priest?!
- Carrie: No, no, no, no. She wants him, but she can't have him. It's all very Thorn Birds.
- Samantha: In my fantasy he tears the food I'm carrying for the homeless out of my arms, rips open my dress, lays me down in the street and enters me.
- Miranda: What do you do for the next two hours and 20 minutes?
- Charlotte: Stop! You're talking about a priest!
- Samantha: It's a fantasy! I can masturbate to whomever I like. It's imagination. It's fun and perfectly healthy.
The Real Me
[edit]- Samantha: [about her nude photographs] This is not about a man's approval. This photo is just for me. So when I'm old and my tits are in my shoes, I can look at it and say, "Damn, I was hot."
- Miranda: Isn't that a little narcissistic?
- Samantha: No one thinks it's narcissistic when you get your seventh-grade picture taken.
- Charlotte: You weren't naked in that.
- Carrie: That we know of.
- Carrie: When I first moved to New York and I was totally broke, sometimes I would buy Vogue instead of dinner. I just felt it fed me more.
Defining Moments
[edit]- Charlotte: We're supposed to be getting to know each other again, not... not...
- Samantha: Fucking against a hand dryer?
- Charlotte: It's so confusing. Are we dating or are we back together? Is he my boyfriend or my lover? Or my ex-husband whom I have sex with occasionally in coatrooms?
- Miranda: And bathrooms.
- Carrie: I'm going with "d) all of the above".
- Samantha: Oh, who cares what you are? Just enjoy it.
- Charlotte: No, I need to know where we're going.
- Carrie: Yes, we'd like to know where you're going as well, since evidently you'll be having sex there.
- Charlotte: Right in the middle of the movie, I gave him a blow job. In the theater.
- Carrie: Crouching Charlotte, Hidden Hummer.
- Charlotte: And you know, you guys were right. Once I stopped defining everything, I realized how great Trey and I have it.
- Samantha: Congratulations, sweetie. It sounds like you got a nice, healthy relationship.
- Carrie: [voiceover] Charlotte realized if Samantha defined her relationship as healthy, she had one sick relationship on her hands.
What's Sex Got to Do with It?
[edit]- Carrie: [on the phone] You just caught us a little off guard with the lesbian thing.
- Samantha: That's just a label, like Gucci or Versace.
- Carrie: Or Birkenstock.
- Samantha: This is not about being gay or straight. Maria is an incredible woman. She's got passion, and talent, intelligence...
- Carrie: A vagina.
- Samantha: Oh, vagina schmagina!
- Carrie: "Schmagina"? Is that what the lesbians are calling it?
- Charlotte: Trey! I'm tired of being married to your penis! I'm a person! And this is supposed to be a relationship! And I am done walking on eggshells! "Ooh, don't talk about moving in in front of the penis 'cause it might go soft." And "The penis likes this", and "The penis doesn't like that", and "The penis wants to be measured"!
Ghost Town
[edit]- Samantha: [about her relationship with Maria] All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.
- Charlotte: I think they call that a relationship.
- Samantha: I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow, it's exhausting.
- Miranda: I know, don't you just hate that?
- Carrie: Women.
- Maria: You call this a relationship?
- Samantha: Well, it's tedious and the sex is dwindling, so from what I've heard, yes!
- Maria: If you have something to say to me...
- Samantha: I have nothing to say to you. I am fresh out of things to say to you. All we ever do is talk, talk, talk. The talking in our relationship has replaced the fucking in our fucking relationship!
Baby, Talk Is Cheap
[edit]- Charlotte: I promise, I won't become one of those mothers who can only talk about Diaper Genies.
- Carrie: Good!
- Samantha: [after Charlotte walks away] What the hell is a Diaper Genie?
- Carrie: I don't know. Someone you hire to change your kid's diaper?
- Carrie: How did this happen? How did they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?
- Miranda: I bet there's one loud-mouth guy who found some woman who loved it and told everybody, "Women love this!"
- Carrie: Who is this guy?
- Miranda: Who's the woman who loved it?
- Samantha: Don't knock it until you try it!
- Carrie: Bingo!
Time and Punishment
[edit]- Carrie: [voiceover] I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies. Two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together—like chocolate and peanut butter.
- Samantha: Men. We have to run to Helga the Hot Waxer every other week, but them? How would they like it if we told them to shape their hedge, trim their trunk?
- Carrie: Plant their bulbs? I'm sorry, we are talking about gardening, aren't we?
My Motherboard, My Self
[edit]- Samantha: I lost my orgasm.
- Carrie: In the cab?
- Charlotte: What do you mean, "lost"?
- Samantha: I mean, I just spent the last two hours fucking with no finale.
- Carrie: It happens. Sometimes you just can't get there.
- Samantha: I can always get there.
- Charlotte: Every time you have sex?
- Carrie: She's exaggerating. Please say you're exaggerating.
- Samantha: Well, I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.
- Samantha: Well, I'm not gonna find my orgasm in this town.
- Charlotte: We are at a funeral!
Sex and the Country
[edit]- Trey: She's expecting us. If we miss the orchid show, she'll be devastated.
- Charlotte: Then I guess we'll just have to have sex at your mother's.
- Trey: People having sex in Connecticut? There's a first time for everything.
- Samantha: What is it about the weekends now? I swear to God, every guy I've fucked since Memorial Day wants to know what I'm doing this weekend. They just don't get it. My weekends are for meeting new guys, so I don't have to keep fucking the old ones.
Belles of the Balls
[edit]- Charlotte: We're having Trey's sperm tested.
- Miranda: Is it not doing well in school?
- Steve: Every time I look down at my nuts—correction, nut—I look all lopsided.
- Miranda: Women don't care! We care about... nice arms, great eyes, big dick. I have never once heard a woman say, "He had such a big, full scrotum!"
Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
[edit]- Carrie: You're sleeping with Steve?
- Miranda: Slept. Once. Singular. It was a mercy fuck. I felt bad, he only had one ball.
- Carrie: Well, I guess that's all he needed.
- Miranda: Yeah, no kidding! Apparently the other one was purely ornamental. God, I'm such a fucking idiot! Why didn't I use a condom?
- Carrie: You didn't use a...
- Miranda: He only has one ball, and I have a lazy ovary. In what twisted world does that create a baby?
- Carrie: Yeah, I see your point.
- Miranda: It's like the Special Olympics of conception!
- Samantha: If it's so hard to get pregnant, how do you account for the number of crying children on planes?
- [Miranda chuckles]
- Charlotte: This is not a laughing matter.
- Samantha: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was brunch, not a fertility seminar.
Just Say Yes
[edit]- Charlotte: You're getting engaged!
- Carrie: I threw up. I saw the ring and I threw up. That's not normal.
- Samantha: That's my reaction to marriage.
- Miranda: [on the phone with Carrie] I don't know why they call it morning sickness when it's all fucking day long. Unless it's M-O-U-R-N, as in "mourning the loss of your single life."
The Good Fight
[edit]- Samantha: [about Richard] Okay, you want details? Okay. He's got the most perfect dick I've ever seen. Long, pink, amazing. It's dickalicious.
- Trey: [to the girls, about the cardboard baby she gave Charlotte earlier] See, they sell them in novelty stores, and other people buy them, and— and— and the clerk said that it was funny. You know what? Maybe you have to see it.
- Charlotte: Don't you bring that thing in here!
- Trey: It's silly.
- Charlotte: Not to me it isn't! How would you feel if I gave you a cardboard cutout of a big, flaccid penis? It's not so funny now, is it?!
All That Glitters
[edit]- Samantha: [answering the phone] Well, it's about fucking time! Get over here and do me!
- Carrie: Is that your standard greeting now?
- Samantha: Oh, sorry, I thought it was Richard.
- Charlotte: I can't believe you took ecstasy from a stranger!
- Samantha: It wasn't a stranger! It was a friend of my friend Bobby's friend Bobby.
- Miranda: Oh, well, then you know it's safe.
Change of a Dress
[edit]- Miranda: It's amazing. In a courtroom, reasonable doubt can get you off for murder. In an engagement, it makes you feel like a bad person.
- Samantha: [to the girls] That fucking Richard is fucking the entire styles section, and for the first time in my life, I actually give a shit! I think I have monogamy. I must've caught it from you people!
- Carrie: Now it's airborne.
Ring a Ding Ding
[edit]- Miranda: [reading the card Richard wrote Samantha] "Style for style. Best, Richard."
- Carrie: "Best." Yikes.
- Miranda: "Best" is the worst.
- Carrie: Yeah, even Gold and Vogel give you "sincerely."
- Samantha: "Best" is like signing "Not love."
- Miranda: I'm telling you, the fat ass, the farting—it's ridiculous. I am unfuckable. And I have never been so horny in my entire life.
- Carrie: Really?
- Miranda: Yeah. That's why you're supposed to be married when you're pregnant, so somebody is obligated to have sex with you.
A 'Vogue' Idea
[edit]- Samantha: Is a three-way with a 21-year-old a bad idea for Richard's birthday?
- Carrie: What are you gonna give him next year? A four-way?
- Miranda: [about her baby shower] But who would I invite besides you guys?
- Samantha: All the bitches that made you go to theirs!
I Heart NY
[edit]- Samantha: You want out of this, just say it.
- Richard: I don't wanna have sex once and I want out?
- Samantha: Not just once. What about yesterday?
- Richard: We were at the opera!
- Samantha: I was bored!
- Carrie: [voiceover] Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps, if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.
Season 5
[edit]- Anthony: When's the last time you had sex?
- [Charlotte pauses to think]
- Anthony: If you had to think about it, it's been too long.
- Charlotte: Well, when was the last time you—
- Anthony: 10:30 today, at the gym!
- [Samantha is posting signs about Richard on a street pole]
- Female police officer: Ma'am, it's against city law to deface public property.
- Samantha: This man said he loved me, and I caught him eating another woman's pussy.
- Female police officer: Carry on, ma'am.
- Samantha: My friends don't believe you.
- Richard: Am I dating your friends?
- Samantha: With your track record, I wouldn't put it past you.
- Miranda: [about Brady] He has to get baptized and wear a dress.
- Carrie: Baby's first drag show. It's a very odd tradition.
- Miranda: Oh, don't even get me started. It's all about cleansing this little baby of his sins, when clearly, babies come into the world with a clean slate and we're the ones that fuck 'em up.
- Carrie: So, you're a pessimist, right?
- Miranda: Have we met?
- Richard: [to Samantha] Maybe later, if you're good, I'll give you a pearl necklace to match.
- Charlotte: My father gave me the most beautiful pearl necklace for my sweet sixteen.
- Samantha: Actually, we're talking about the other kind of pearl necklace. You know, when a guy decorates your neck.
- Samantha: I just ran up eleven flights of stairs because I was sure that you were up here fucking someone else.
- Richard: As you can see, I'm not.
- Samantha: Right now! Right now you're not! But you were, and you will again! And I can't spend my life running up and down stairs wondering when! I thought I could handle this, but I can't. I'm too old. I'm 37, after all.
- Richard: I told you I'd do my best never to hurt you again, and I meant it.
- Samantha: Right. Your best.
- Richard: Samantha, I love you.
- Samantha: I love you, too, Richard, but I love me more.
- Carrie: [about Stanford's new boyfriend] So, what does this Marcus do?
- Stanford: Okay, before I tell you, you have to promise not to judge.
- Carrie: Do I judge?
- Stanford: We all judge. That's our hobby. Some people do arts and crafts. We judge.
- Carrie: I'll be kind.
- Stanford: He's a dancer. Radio City Music Hall.
- Carrie: I feel as though my hands are tied.
- Samantha: If I walked in on you, giving a blowjob to a Worldwide Express guy—
- Carrie: You would never walk in on me, because that is something I would never do!
- Samantha: There! And I cannot believe that you would judge me, after everything that we've been through.
- Carrie: Samantha, where are you going?
- Samantha: I'm gonna splash some water on my face, and then I'm going home. And I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever, and blow whomever I want, as long as I can breathe and kneel!
- Charlotte: [about Jack Berger and his girlfriend] He should have mentioned her earlier.
- Samantha: But not too early. I hate it when men do that. "I have a girlfriend." Calm down, I just asked if that seat was taken!
- Miranda: I didn't tell Walker I had a baby.
- Charlotte: How could you not mention it?
- Miranda: It didn't come up! If Walker had asked me directly, "Have you given birth recently?" I would've said, "First of all, define 'recently.'"
- Carrie: [about Nina Katz] Damn! Why is that girl still bothering me?
- Samantha: Honey, you have to let it go. If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I'd never leave the house.
- Samantha: [after Carrie asks her to help Miranda with her baby] Babies are not my scene! And from what I've heard, this one sounds like an asshole.
- Carrie: You can't call a baby an asshole.
- Samantha: Why not? She called it a meatloaf.
- Miranda: It's times like this I wish women could go to male prostitutes.
- Samantha: Women do.
- Carrie: No, no, only in bad screenplays and first novels.
- Miranda: That is an incredible investment idea. We should open a brothel where the men are cute and the sheets are 500-count Egyptian cotton. Samantha, you can be the madam.
- Samantha: Well, at least it's something new.
- Carrie: We could put one in every neighborhood, like Starbucks.
- Samantha: Starfucks.
- Charlotte: How can a person have really hot S-E-X with someone they don't even like?
- Anthony: You're spelling "sex" in a place with a go-go boy on the bar?
- Charlotte: I'm serious.
- Anthony: Why? Oh, my God, Char. You?
- Charlotte: I don't know what happened! He's my divorce lawyer. I don't even like him!
- Anthony: So? Some of the best sex I've had is with people I can't stand!
- Charlotte: [after Carrie's flamboyant friend announces he's getting married to a woman] I thought he was gay!
- Miranda: Uh, yeah, "Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle"? That has to be the gayest sentence ever uttered.
- Samantha: He must be marrying her for the money!
- Carrie: He doesn't need the money. He was one of the original investors in A Chorus Line.
- Miranda: Just when you thought you'd never hear a phrase gayer than "Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle."
- Samantha: All married couples stop having sex eventually.
- Miranda: That's not true. You've had sex with plenty of married people.
- Samantha: That's how I know!
Season 6
[edit]To Market, to Market
[edit]- Samantha: I love the stock market. A room full of screaming, sweating men all trying to get it up.
- Miranda: I don't invest anymore. It's too volatile.
- Carrie: Exactly. I like my money right where I can see it—hanging in my closet.
- Samantha: It's all gotten so sanitary! I mean, no smoking in bars. What's next, no fucking in bars?
- Miranda: Well, first there would have to be a no-fucking section.
Great Sexpectations
[edit]- Samantha: Did you finally bugger Berger?
- Carrie: How long have you been waiting to say that?
- Samantha: It just occurred to me.
- Carrie: Yes, we finally buggered.
- Charlotte: [clapping] Yay!
- Miranda: [to Charlotte] You realize you're now applauding intercourse?
- Samantha: [about Carrie's disappointing sex with Berger] Dump him. Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.
- Carrie: Is that the saying?
- Samantha: That's my saying.
The Perfect Present
[edit]- Samantha: Someone should tell Crazy that owning a hot glue gun does not make you a hot purse designer.
- Charlotte: [whispering] Don't call her crazy!
- Samantha: Look at this. I'd rather carry a colostomy bag.
- Carrie: Ladies, these aren't bags, they're baggage. We are standing among the ruins of her last relationship. And it was one ugly breakup.
- Miranda: I resent this. The only one who should have to pay for a bad relationship is the person in your next relationship.
- Charlotte: Doesn't that waiter look familiar?
- Samantha: I fucked him.
- Carrie: [sarcastically] Oh! That guy!
Pick-a-Little, Talk-a-Little
[edit]- Charlotte: Oh, good morning, Mrs. Collier. I'm a Jew now. How are you?
- Samantha: I'm afraid we want different things. You want to tell me all about you, and I don't want you to tell me all about you. It spoils the fantasy.
- Smith: That's harsh.
- Samantha: Yeah, I am harsh. I'm also demanding, stubborn, self-sufficient, and always right. In bed, at the office, and everywhere else.
Lights, Camera, Relationship!
[edit]- [Berger is shocked by the price of a Prada shirt]
- Tony (Prada sales guy): But you will wear forever.
- Berger: Yeah, I'd have to! Does it also somehow open into a small studio apartment?
- Samantha: [looking at her appointment book] Shit, motherfucker, fuck, shit.
- Miranda: There's a "Shit, motherfucker, fuck, shit" situation?
- Samantha: I have to go to the theater!
- Carrie: They finally made that mandatory?
- Samantha: A new play in Brooklyn. Jerry's in it.
- Miranda: So it's children's theater?
- Charlotte: Oh, I think that's sweet.
- Samantha: It's not sweet, it's pathetic how far a gal will go for a good fuck.
Hop, Skip, and a Week
[edit]- Smith: [looking at his Absolute Hunk billboard in Times Square] Fuck me!
- Samantha: Well, that's the first thing every woman in town will be saying after she sees it.
- Smith: It's huge!
- Samantha: And that's the second.
- Big: [on the phone] So how's it going with that guy, Hot Dog?
- Carrie: Berger.
The Post-It Always Sticks Twice
[edit]- [Miranda managed to fit into her "skinny jeans"]
- Charlotte: How'd you do it?
- Miranda: Well, I got pregnant, became a single mother, and stopped having any time to eat.
- Samantha: Oh, that's a diet I won't be trying.
- Billy: All we're saying is there really is no good way to break up with someone, is there?
- Carrie: Well, it's funny you should mention that, Billy, because actually, there is. You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman, to her face, that you no longer wanna see her. Call me crazy, but I think that you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation, because here's what: Avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy! And just so you know, Alan—
- Andrew: Andrew.
- Carrie: Uh-huh. Most women aren't angry, irrational psychos. We just want an ending to a relationship that... that is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. So my point, Billy, is this: There is a good way to break up with someone, and it doesn't include a Post-it!
The Catch
[edit]- Carrie: I tried the trapeze yesterday for that piece that I'm writing.
- Charlotte: I could never! I have the most terrible fear of heights.
- Carrie: Well, I do not. You've seen my shoes.
- Charlotte: [wearing her wedding dress] It's okay?
- Anthony: Okay? You're Audrey Hepburn... owitz!
A Woman's Right to Shoes
[edit]- Samantha: I am so sick of these people with their children. I'm telling you, they're everywhere! Sitting next to me in first class, eating at the next table at John Schu—
- [A child runs by]
- Samantha: Look at that. This place is for double cappuccinos, not double strollers. [glances at Miranda] I'm sorry.
- Miranda: Hey, no need to apologize. I wouldn't bring Brady here. Mommy needs two hands to eat her $8 cake.
- Charlotte: You're not gonna defend children?
- Miranda: No, I don't like any children but my own.
- Charlotte: We have a tea bag situation.
- Samantha: Oh, I understand. Just breathe through your nose.
- [Pause. All stare at Samantha]
- Samantha: When you're sucking his balls.
- Charlotte: What? No! I was talking about— Harry leaves his old tea bags around the house.
- Samantha: Oh, I thought you meant "teabagging", when you hold a guy's balls in your mouth.
Boy, Interrupted
[edit]- Charlotte: [about Carrie's high-school sweetheart] You're marrying him!
- Carrie: Will you stop? He doesn't even live in New York, he lives in Denver.
- Charlotte: People move! It would be so romantic.
- Carrie: Or tragic. Seriously. If I had the guy in high school, what have I been doing for the past twenty years?
- Stanford: I missed my prom in high school because—
- Anthony: You were gay.
- Stanford: No. My girlfriend and I broke up the night before because—
- Anthony: You were gay.
- Stanford: No, I wasn't gay until—
- Anthony: You were born.
- Stanford: Never mind.
The Domino Effect
[edit]- Charlotte: Big is in town?
- Carrie: Yeah, he's here for a little heart thing.
- Miranda: What, is he on the wait list to get one?
- Samantha: He did something to me that was so perverse! Okay, I'm just gonna say it: He tried to hold my hand.
- Carrie: You mean to tell me that Smith is a hand-holder? And to think he once served us food.
- Samantha: You laugh, but it's part of a bigger problem. Do you know that I didn't fuck a single or a married guy the whole time Smith was out of town?
One
[edit]- [A performance artist is starving herself and refusing to speak while on public display]
- Aleksandr: You don't think it's significant?
- Carrie: Oh, please! There are depressed women all over New York doing the exact same thing as her and not calling it art. I mean, if you put a phone up on that platform, it's just a typical Friday night waiting for some guy to call.
- Samantha: Yes, I need glasses, and I'm not ashamed. I have a sexy young man who loves to fuck me, and I'm fabulous.
- Miranda: Have you considered putting that on a T-shirt?
Let There Be Light
[edit]- Carrie: [about Aleksandr] Yesterday I almost did it with him on a park bench in front of children.
- Samantha: What stopped you?
- Carrie: Common decency.
- Samantha: Oh, that.
- Charlotte: I could see it going somewhere.
- Carrie: Oh, please, listen, half the time I can't even understand him. We have nothing in common. He's in and out of Europe...
- Charlotte: That could be good!
- Samantha: Honey, you're not listening. She only wants him to be in and out of her.
- Carrie: Yes, but in a much less obvious-sounding way.
The Ick Factor
[edit]- Charlotte: [to Samantha] I can't believe you would actually consider having a boob job.
- Carrie: [to Samantha] I can't believe you went to Planet Hollywood.
- Miranda: [to a salesclerk, while shopping for a wedding dress] I said no white, no ivory, no nothing that says "virgin". I have a child. The jig is up.
Catch-38
[edit]- Miranda: What I don't understand is, if they got it all, why do you need chemo?
- Samantha: [about her doctor] Because he's an asshole.
- Carrie: Evidently there can be something microscopic...
- Samantha: Like his dick?
- Carrie: Excuse me, do you have cancer or Tourette's?
- [Samantha is waiting to get an appointment with a top-rated female oncologist, along with other women]
- Sister Anne Marie: I've been waiting for two days, and so far no one has gotten in yet.
- Samantha: I was once told I wouldn't be able to get backstage to see Mick Jagger. Well, I did get backstage—and I blew him.
- [Sister Anne Marie looks shocked]
Out of the Frying Pan
[edit]- Cab driver: Where to?
- Miranda: Um, Brooklyn, please.
- Cab driver: I don't go to Brooklyn.
- Miranda: Yeah, neither do I.
- Miranda: Why do I think living in Manhattan is so fantastic?
- Carrie: Because it is.
The Cold War
[edit]- Charlotte: Smith is not gay.
- Miranda: Of course not.
- Charlotte: So this makes you his beard.
- Samantha: I'm a beard in a wig.
- Miranda: I don't talk to Steve about my work.
- Carrie: And he doesn't mind?
- Miranda: I think he prefers it that way.
- Carrie: But you guys share everything else.
- Miranda: Because we're in Brooklyn. There's no one else to talk to.
Splat!
[edit]- Carrie: [voiceover] For most women, the goal of a dinner party is to have your friends feel comfortable around your boyfriend.
- Samantha: I think my maid is using my vibrator.
- Carrie: [voiceover] Other times, you wish your friends were not quite so comfortable.
- Charlotte: I don't think you're supposed to say "maid" anymore.
- Carrie: I don't think we're supposed to say "vibrator" over dinner.
- Samantha: I'm telling you, I went into the kitchen to get it—
- Miranda: Wait, why was it in the kitchen?
- Samantha: I like to mix it up.
- Charlotte: I didn't know Lexi had so many friends.
- Carrie: Well, she wasn't always so tragic. Remember the '80s? She was the it girl.
- Samantha: I thought I was the it girl.
- Miranda: Well, it's your word against a dead girl's, so you win.
An American Girl in Paris (Part Une)
[edit]- [At Carrie's emotional goodbye dinner a few hours before she is leaving for Paris]
- Carrie: All right, someone say something not sentimental.
- Samantha: Chemo might have kicked me into early menopause.
- Miranda: Task accomplished.
- Samantha: You cannot believe the hot flashes. I can barely keep my clothes on!
- Carrie: Really, what was your excuse before the chemo?
- Samantha: Oh, I'm gonna miss you, you cunt.
- [Charlotte breaks into tears again]
- Miranda: Wow, even "cunt" didn't stop her.
- Big: [to Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda] Look, I need your advice. You three know her better than anyone. You're the loves of her life, and a guy's just lucky to come in fourth. But I do love her. And if you think I have the slightest chance, I'll be on the next plane to Paris, I'll roam the streets until I find her, I'll do anything. But if you think that she really is happy... well, I wouldn't want to wreck that for her. And I'll be history.
- Miranda: [after the girls all look at each other for a moment] Go get our girl.
An American Girl in Paris (Part Deux)
[edit]- Carrie: [to Aleksandr] I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And... I don't think... that love is here in... in this expensive suite in... in this lovely hotel in Paris.
- Carrie: [voiceover] Later that day, I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic... those that are old and familiar... those that bring up lots of questions... those that bring you somewhere unexpected... those that bring you far from where you started... and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the "you" you love... well, that's just fabulous.
Cast
[edit]Main cast
- Sarah Jessica Parker – Carrie Bradshaw
- Kim Cattrall – Samantha Jones
- Kristin Davis – Charlotte York
- Cynthia Nixon – Miranda Hobbes
Recurring cast
- Chris Noth – Mr. Big
- Willie Garson – Stanford Blatch
- David Eigenberg – Steve Brady
- John Corbett – Aidan Shaw
- Kyle MacLachlan – Trey McDougal
- Mario Cantone – Anthony Marantino
- James Remar – Richard Wright
- Evan Handler – Harry Goldenblatt
- Jason Lewis – Jerry "Smith" Jerrod
External links
[edit]
Categories:
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- 1990s American LGBT-related comedy TV shows
- 2000s American comedy-drama TV shows
- 2000s American LGBT-related comedy TV shows
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- Romantic comedy TV shows
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- Television programs based on books
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