Sex and the City
From Wikiquote
Sex and the City is an HBO series that depicts the lives and loves of 4 single women living in trendy Manhattan.
[edit] Season 1 (1998)
[edit] Sex and the City
- Carrie : Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember.
- Carrie : Samantha had the kind of deluded self confidence that caused men like Ross Perot to run for president.
- Big : Oh, I get... You've never been in love.
- Carrie : Wait... have you ever been in love?
- Big : Abso-fucking-lutely!
[edit] Models and Mortals
- Carrie : Modelizers are obsessed not with women but with models, who in most cities are safely confined to billboards and magazines, but in Manhattan actually run wild on the streets, turning the city into a virtual model country safari where men can pet the creatures in their natural habitat.
- Charlotte : In some cultures, heavy women with mustaches are considered beautiful.
- Samantha : And you're looking at me while you're saying that?
- Miranda : When did all the men get together and decide that they were only going to get it up for giraffes with big breasts?
- Charlotte : I just know no matter how good I feel about myself, if I see Christy Turlington, I just want to give up!
- Miranda : Well, I just want to tie her down and force-feed her lard, but that's the difference between you and me.
- Samantha : I happen to love the way I look.
- Miranda : You should. You paid enough for it.
- Nick Waxler, Modelizer : Why fuck the girl in the skirt if you can fuck the girl in the ad for the skirt?
- Nick Waxler, Modelizer : My friends think I'm shallow. Sometimes I think they're right. Other times I think, hey—I'm fucking a model.
- Stanford : Oh my God, look at him. It's like he travels with his own personal lighting director.
- Carrie : I thought I had come to terms with my looks the year I turned thirty, when I realized I no longer had the energy to be completely superficial.
- Carrie : I began to realize that being beautiful is like having a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park: completely unfair and usually bestowed upon those who deserve it least.
- Carrie : I take that back. Beauty is fleeting, but a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park is forever.
[edit] Bay of Married Pigs
- Carrie : Charlotte treated marriage like a sorority she was desperately hoping to pledge.
- Carrie : He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY dress: you know it's not your style but it's right there, so you try it on anyway.
- Carrie : Everywhere I looked, people were standing in two's. It was like Noah's upper west side rent-controlled ark.
[edit] Valley of the Twenty Something Guys
- Carrie : Sometimes you need a second opinion. With doctors, real estate... men...
- Carrie : Men in their forties are like the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle: tricky, complicated, and you're never really sure you got the right answer.
- Carrie : If you keep talking like that I'm going to have to charge you by the minute.
- Sales guy [to Carrie and Twenty-Something Sam, who were making out in a Banana Republic dressing room] : Please. This isn't the Gap.
- Cab Driver : No! No smoking in cab!
- Carrie : Sir, we're talking up the butt. A cigarette is in order.
- Samantha : All I'm saying, that this is—this is a physical expression that the body was, well, it was designed to experience. And P.S., it's fabulous.
- Charlotte : What are you talking about??? I went to Smith!!
- Samantha : Look, I'm just saying... the right guy, and the right lubricant...
(The girls start laughing when the car hits a hole)
- Charlotte : What was that?!
- All : A preview?!
- Carrie : Why don't you two have a guy's night. You know... talk, cry, shoot bear...
- Carrie : Meanwhile, uptown, Charlotte wondered when relationships had gotten so complicated. She yearned for the time when dinner was followed by dessert, not lubricant.
- Charlotte : I'm afraid if I don't, you'll dump me, and if I do, then I'll be the up-the-butt girl. And I don't want to be the up-the-butt girl because, I mean, men don't marry the up-the-butt girl. Who's ever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt?
[edit] The Power of Female Sex
- Carrie : We had such a fantastic connection. Then he leaves me money. I don't understand. What exactly about me screams "whore"?
- Miranda : Besides the thousand dollars on the end table?
- Samantha : Money is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.
- Miranda : Don't listen to the dimestore Camille Paglia.
- Carrie : Where's the line between professional girlfriend and just professional?
[edit] Secret Sex
- Samantha [on The Rules] : The women who wrote that book—they wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.
- Carrie : I will not be the first one to speak. And if he never calls me again, I'll always think of him fondly. As an asshole.
- Samantha : Don't worry, sweetie, don't worry! Nobody in New York notices a bus until it's about to hit them!
- Samantha : There's no such thing as bad publicity.
- Carrie : Of course you'd say that, you're a publicist.
- Carrie : The truth is, I was dying to sleep with him. But isn't delayed gratification the definition of maturity?
- Big : Interesting dress.
- Carrie : Meaning?
- Big : Interesting dress.
[edit] The Monogamists
- Miranda [to Charlotte] : Are you telling me you never perform this act?
- Carrie : She'll juggle, she'll spin plates but she won't give head.
- Random woman : Monogamy is fabulous. It gives you a deep and profound connection with another human being, and you don't have to shave your legs as much.
- Carrie : Come on, you wouldn't commit to a nice guy, given the chance?
- Stanford : I can't even commit to a long distance carrier.
- Jared : And the greatest thing about writing a successful book, besides the validation and the acclaim is knowing that I'm pumping my ideas in the world.
- Carrie : I thought it was the fact that you could behave like an utter asshole and people would find you amusing. :
- Jared : I'm like in love with you, you know that. I'm like in love with you. [pause] Will you go home with me tonight?
[edit] Three's a Crowd
- Carrie : The closest Charlotte had ever come to getting screwed on a plane was the time she lost all her luggage on a flight to Palm Beach.
- Carrie : Charlotte hadn't been that excited since she tried on her JV cheerleading uniform for the first time.
- Charlotte : Jack says that I have a fire inside me.
- Carrie : You tell him they make a cream for that.
- Ken : It's over! I told my wife [about us]!
- Samantha : Who is this?
[edit] The Turtle and the Hare
- Miranda : Wow! A guy who doesn't want to get married! Film at eleven!
- Carrie : I'm not going to replace a man with some battery-operated device.
- Miranda : You haven't met The Rabbit.
- Samantha : Oh come on, if you're going to get a vibrator, at least get one called The Horse.
- Samantha [about the Turtle] : Once we get the breath under control, I'm going to take him shopping for a whole new wardrobe. He's a cute little fixer-upper!
- Carrie : Sweetheart, he's a man, not a brownstone.
- Carrie : I just love Sleeping Beauty! The music, the sets, the costumes. It's so romantic!
- Stanford : You only like it because she sleeps for a hundred years and doesn't age.
- Stanford : It's so brutal out there. Even guys like me don't want guys like me. I just don't have that gay look.
- Carrie : I dunno, you look pretty gay to me. C'mon, maybe it's just a phase.
- Stanford : Puberty is a phase. Fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle.
- Carrie : My Zen teacher also said: the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not worry about the future. Of course, he died penniless and single.
- Carrie : And us. We looked like the Witches of Eastwick.
- Charlotte : It's a vibrator...it's not like it's crack!
[edit] The Baby Shower
- Samantha : Frankly, I think it's sad, the way she's using a child to validate her existence.
- Carrie : Exactly. Why can't she just use sex and a nice cocktail like the rest of us?
- Samantha : So help me—she fucks on my couch, she buys it.
- Carrie : Isn't that how you got the couch from me?
- Samantha [watching Lanie strip at a party] : Look at her: the poster girl for low self esteem.
- Miranda : You know, I have low self esteem, but I express it the healthy way—by eating a box of Double Stuff Oreos.
- Miranda : So all I have to do to meet the ideal man is to give birth to him.
- Carrie : There's a woman in there breastfeeding a child who can chew steak.
- Miranda : You know how I feel about that. If you can ask for it, you're probably too old for it.
- Miranda : Maybe it's maturity or the wisdom that comes with age, but the witch in Hansel and Gretel—she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along and start eating it.
- Carrie [buying a pregnancy test] : Which kind do I get?
- Miranda : Here. This one's on sale: half off.
- Carrie : I just spent $395 on a pair of open-toed Gucci's last week. This is not the place to be frugal.
[edit] The Drought
- Carrie : New York City is all about sex. People getting it, people trying to get it, people who can't get it. No wonder the city never sleeps. It's too busy trying to get laid.
- Carrie : There are 1.3 million single men in New York, 1.8 million single women, and of these more than 3 million people, about 12 think they're having enough sex.
- Woman on the street : They say the average 33-year-old woman has sex 3.5 times a week. I'd like to know who that woman is.
- Miranda : You farted! You're human!
- Carrie : I don't want him to know that!
- Samantha : Normal is the halfway point between what you want and what you can get.
- Samantha : So go over there and fuck his brains out and he'll forget all about it. Men aren't that complicated. They're kinda like plants.
- Miranda [to a heckling construction worker] : You got what I want? You got what I need?? What I WANT...is to GET LAID. What I NEED...is to GET LAID. I NEED to GET LAID!
[edit] Oh Come All Ye Faithful
- Carrie [seeing Mr. Big leaving church with his mother] : There he was, wearing Armani on a Sunday: Mr. Big. I'll admit it was a bit of a shock. Up until that moment I thought he only believed in the Yankees.
- Charlotte : So, which church does his mother go to?
- Carrie : Park Avenue Presbyterian.
- Charlotte : Good church! It's one of the best on the east side!
- Carrie : What, are you rating churches? Is there a Zagat guide for that?
- Miranda : Four stars. Great bread; disappointing wine selection.
- Charlotte : Is he a good kisser?
- Samantha [crying] : Oh, who the fuck cares? His dick is like a gherkin.
[edit] Season 2 (1999)
- Carrie : That's the thing about friends, they will always hold your hair back when you're sick.
[edit] Take Me Out to the Ballgame
- Charlotte : Oh God, seeing someone for the first time [after you break up] is the worst. You never know how to act.
- Carrie : Yeah, and then there's the vomiting.
- James : And how are the most beautiful women in Manhattan?
- Miranda : If we see them, we'll ask.
- Charlotte : It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.
- Carrie : I always like a good math solution to any love problem.
- Carrie : Miranda was a huge fan of the Yankees. I was a huge fan of being anywhere you could smoke and drink at two in the afternoon without judgment.
- Miranda : How did it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.
- Samantha : Does he have a pair of lowhangers?
- Carrie : Is that a patented phrase?
- Carrie : After a break-up, certain street, locations, even times of day are off-limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield, loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces.
- Carrie : No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.
[edit] The Awful Truth
- Susan Sharon : It's 100% Italian cashmere and light as a feather.
- Carrie : God, I love it! It's a cashmere-acle!
- Samantha : That can be a turn-on.
- Miranda : Sure, but now he wants me to reciprocate and I can't. I never could.
- Carrie : Why not?
- Miranda : Because sex is not a time to chat. In fact, it's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where it is perfectly appropriate -- if not preferable -- to shut up. And now suddenly I have to worry about being stumped for conversation? -- no thank you.
- Charlotte : Just keep talking about his big cock.
- Samantha : Correction -- his big, beautiful cock.
- Carrie : We're using the C-word now?
- Miranda : I can't use adjectives
[edit] The Freak Show
- Samantha : You're dating Mr. Pussy!
- Miranda : I'm sorry, if a man is over thirty and single, there's something wrong with him. It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out or propagating the species.
- Carrie : Okay, well, what about us?
- Miranda : We're just choosy.
- Carrie : When Charlotte really liked somebody she said their whole name. It helped her picture their future monogrammed towels.
- Samantha : ...Going down, giving head...
- Carrie : ...Eating out...
- Miranda : I never understood that. Shouldn't it be "eating in"?
- Carrie : The reality was, the only thing that went down with any regularity on Charlotte's dates was a Gold American Express card.
- Miranda : Whatever happened to aging gracefully?
- Carrie : It got old.
- Miranda [looks at watch]: I have to go feed my cat.
- Carrie [voiceover]: Miranda had invoked our code phrase, honed over years of bad parties, awful dates and phone calls that wouldn't end. Unfortunately, I wasn't ready to accept defeat. [out loud] I thought you already fed your cat.
- Miranda : I have to feed it again.
- Manhattan Guy : Cat people are freaks.
[edit] They Shoot Single People, Don't They?
- Miranda : Orgasm? A major thing in a relationship?
- Charlotte : Yeah, but not the only thing. I mean, orgasms don't send you Valentine's day cards and they don't hold your hand in a sad movie.
- Carrie : Mine do.
- Samantha : Is he that bad in bed?
- Miranda : No. He's just... he's a guy. He can rebuild a jet engine but when it comes to a woman... What's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the Sphinx.
- Carrie : By now she knew that "we" William wasn't ever going to show up. He was one of those men who faked a future to get what he wanted in the present.
- Carrie : When did being alone become the modern-day equivalent of being a leper? Will Manhattan restaurants soon be divided up into sections -- smoking / non-smoking, single / non-single?
- Samantha : You should go through life like I do - not expecting men to fill you up, except when, well, you know.
- Samantha : If I had a son, I'd teach him all about sex
- Carrie : If you had a son, we'd call Social Services!
[edit] Four Women and a Funeral
- Charlotte : Everyone needs a man. That's why I rent. If you own and he still rents, then the power structure is all off. It's emasculating. Men don't want a woman who's too self-sufficient.
- Samantha : I'm sorry, did someone just order a Victorian straight up?
- Big : I never really thought about it.
- Carrie : Oh come on. Everybody wonders what happens after you die.
- Big : I'm too busy wondering who's dinging my car in the garage.
[edit] The Cheating Curve
- Samantha : Nobody told me it was BYO man!
- Carrie : Well, what did you expect? It's a lesbian art show.
- Samantha : I know! But don't straight guys usually follow them around to see what they're going to do?
- Samantha : Men cheat for the same reason dogs lick their balls: because they can.
- Carrie : Well, I think maybe there's a cheating curve. That someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.
- Miranda : That's moral relativism!
- Carrie : I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.
[edit] The Chicken Dance
- Carrie : It all seemed so familiar. She was having a deja fuck.
- Charlotte : I just don't understand. How could you forget someone you slept with?
- Carrie : Toto, I don't think we're in single digits anymore.
- Miranda : I'd like to forget some of the men I've slept with.
- Charlotte : I keep a list.
- Miranda : Oh, how sweet. "Men to do today."
- Big : This is fun.
- Carrie : It's not supposed to be fun. This is somebody's wedding.
- Carrie : Are you sure you can leave the Guest Book unattended?
- Miranda : Its a bullshit job, Carrie. People know what to do with the guestbook.
- Carrie : Samantha could always be counted on to take life's lemons and make them into Spanish Fly.
[edit] The Man, The Myth, The Viagra
- Carrie : I'm at Big's.
- Miranda : You're at Big's? You and I are having dinner tonight!
- Carrie : Well, he got this veal...
- Miranda : You blew me off for a piece of politically incorrect meat??
[edit] Old Dogs, New Dicks
- Samantha : If checking out other women is the biggest problem you're having with him, you're lucky.
- Carrie : Well, if it's that small, then he should be able to stop.
- Samantha : Oh please, you can't change that about a man. It's part of their genetic code. Like farting.
- Carrie : You've never seen an uncircumsized one?
- Charlotte : I'm from Connecticut!
- Samantha : It's not what it looks like, it's what they can do with it.
- Charlotte : Well, I don't need one that can make its own carrying case.
- Miranda : If 85% [of men] aren't circumsized, that means I've only slept with 15% of the population, tops.
- Carrie : Wow, you're practically a virgin!
- Random guy : Every girlfriend I've had wants me to change something. Change your job, change your friends, change your attitude... The only thing I change is girlfriends.
[edit] The Caste System
- Carrie : Now I've laid down a gauntlet. He either has to say "I love you" back or I guess I'm going to have to break up with him.
- Charlotte : Well, how long are you going to give him?
- Carrie : Well, I didn't put an expiration date on the sentiment, but I figure it's got the shelf life of a dairy product. It's going to start to curdle in about a week.
- Steve : What's wrong with corduroy?
- Miranda : I don't have enough time to tell you what's wrong with corduroy.
[edit] Evolution
- Doctor : Your right ovary has stopped producing eggs.
- Miranda : Is it possible it's just on strike?
- Miranda : I'm a biological underachiever. And it's ironic because that ovary went to Harvard!
- Samantha : I never leave underwear at a guy's place because I never see it again.
- Charlotte : What happens to it?
- Samantha : Nothing; I just never go back.
- Carrie : Doesn't that get a little expensive, disposing of lingerie every time you sleep with a guy?
- Samantha : That's why I stopped wearing underwear on dates.
- Miranda : And that's why I'm never borrowing a dress from you again.
- Charlotte : I am so confused. Is he gay or is he straight?
- Carrie : Well, it's not that simple anymore. The real question is, is he a straight gay man or is he a gay straight man?
- Carrie [voiceover] : The gay straight man was a new strain of heterosexual male spawned in Manhattan as the result of overexposure to fashion, exotic cuisine, musical theatre and antique furniture.
- Charlotte : I have never done a number two at a boyfriend's place.
- Samantha : Honey, you're so uptight, you need to do a number seven.
- Samantha : Relationships have been on the decline ever since women came out of the cave, looked around and said, "this isn't so bad."
[edit] La Douleur Exquise!
- Stanford : Excuse me, but when did wild sex come back in style?
- Carrie : I think that was the weekend you spent at the Barney's warehouse sale.
- Charlotte about a waiter dressed in a bondage outfit : How does he wait on tables dressed like that? It's humiliating.
- Carrie : Well, the summer I worked at Howard Johnson's I had to wear an orange hat.
- Samantha [to Charlotte] : I wonder what your fetish is.
- Stanford : Charlotte has a thing for Crabtree & Evelyn potpourri.
- Samantha : Men do this all the time. Women walk around thinking "we," and their version of "we" is "me"... and my dick!
[edit] Games People Play
- Carrie : Hey, I don't need therapy. I need new friends!
- Samantha : Look, we're as fucked up as you are. It's like the blind leading the blind.
- Carrie : Therapy? It's just so self-indulgent. Ancient man didn't need shrinks to survive.
- Miranda : Ancient man only lived until thirty.
- Samantha : The only place you can control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men blow jobs we could run the world!
- Carrie : And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and stuff.
- Carrie : I do not pick the wrong guys. They pick me.
- Miranda : So what, you're like a flystrip for dysfunctional men?
- Carrie : Yeah, but one of those really pretty floral scented ones.
- Carrie : Sports night: every female's fantasy. A room full of captive heterosexual men all looking to be distracted during commercial breaks.
[edit] The Fuck Buddy
- Carrie : It's a pattern.
- Samantha : I don't have a pattern.
- Carrie : In math, randomness is considered a pattern.
- Samantha : Yes, and I'm what they call a prime number.
- Carrie : The idea that someone else was having great sex and flaunting it was more than [Samantha] could bear. So she decided, if you can't join 'em... beat it.
- Samantha : Carrie, you can't date your fuck buddy.
- Carrie : Say it a little louder, I don't think the old lady in the last row heard you.
- Samantha : You're going to take the only person in your life that's there purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?
- Carrie : A fuck buddy is a guy you probably dated once or twice and it didn't really go anywhere, but the sex is so great you sort of... keep him on call.
- Samantha : Ooo, he's like dial-a-dick!
- Miranda : My fuck buddy moved to Chicago. Now, we have phone sex.
- Miranda : You double-booked?
- Carrie : How do you conceive pulling this one off?
- Charlotte : Early dinner with bachelor number one, late supper with bachelor number two.
- Samantha : My god, you're turning into a man!
- Carrie [voiceover] : Apparently Charlotte had done more than just break a pattern. She had actually changed genders.
- Charlotte : I just don't know how I'm going to eat two dinners in a row.
- Carrie [voiceover] : And just like that, she was a woman again.
[edit] Shortcomings
- Miranda about her divorced boyfriend : I don't wear vintage clothes. I hate flea markets. I don't collect antiques. Is it too much to ask that he not be... I don't know... used?
- Carrie : Okay, before this goes any further, just make sure his parts are still under warranty.
- Samantha : Here's what I think. Round up all the divorced men and keep them in a pound. That way, you get their whole history before you take one home.
- Vaughn : Hey, GQ called.
- Carrie : Really? They want you to write something?
- Vaughn : No, they want me to wear something. It's great to be a writer these days. There's so little writing involved.
- Carrie : Just don't be photographed in anything sleeveless. No one who went sleeveless ever won a Pulitzer.
- Duncan : I'm just one of those weird male aberrations who prefers to be married. I like stability, I like routine. I like knowing there's people waiting for me at home. I guess that makes me sound pretty dull.
- Miranda : Are you kidding? You're the heterosexual holy grail.
- Wesley : I need a cocktail. Now where's your vodka?
- Charlotte : I don't have any.
- Wesley : And you call yourself a WASP?
- Samantha : Get out now before he stains all your sheets!
- Miranda : Oh, come on, that's harsh! It could be that he was just nervous.
- Carrie : The first time is always weird.
- Miranda : And he probably had something to drink.
- Carrie : And we just spent the whole day with his family.
- Samantha : LOOK. This guy could not get his Cadillac into the garage. Honey, I'm sorry. I hate being right about this.
- Carrie : I like him.
- Samantha : Well, that's real swell, but it still doesn't get the cream in the cupcake.
- Carrie : But the thing I like best about him is his family.
- Samantha : Mmm! Anyone there you can fuck?
- Samantha : I fucked a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much of a nerd, but... I'd go over there and get all cocoa-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool Aid and chips.
- Carrie : Kool Aid?
- Samantha : Yeah! Kool Aid! I was thirteen. And honey—you should've seen my tan!
- Wallis [Vaughn's mom] : When Frannie told me she was a lesbian, I said "great—just as long as you're not Republican."
- Charlotte [to Samantha] : Is your vagina in the New York City guidebooks? Because it should be—it's the hottest spot in town—it's always open!
- Charlotte [to Wesley] : You don't know Samantha. I do. She has so many notches on her bedpost it's practically whittled down to a toothpick.
- Charlotte : That was a terrible thing I said.
- Samantha : Yes, it was. Now if you'll excuse me, I have another tour group coming through my vagina in ten minutes.
- Carrie : Wallis was right. The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't, but in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.
[edit] Was It Good For You?
- Carrie : So what type of movies do you compose for?
- Patrick : Really bad ones. You know, the "I Screamed When I Knew What You Did Last Summer on Elm Street" type.
- Miranda : I'm trying to change my bed karma. I figure if I can make my bed a place I really want to be, others will feel the same.
- Carrie : Aah, the Field of Dreams.
- Miranda : Exactly. If you build it, he will come.
- Carrie [about her date who wouldn't kiss her] : I couldn't figure it out. I knew he wanted me because during my lean-in-and-kiss-me-good-night move, I accidentally on purpose felt his pop-up-and-say-hello.
- Miranda : Perineum. Latin for "not without an engagement ring."
- Carrie : (voiceover) " That night I got to thinking about bed. Are we secretly being graded every time we invite someone to join us in it? A plus, B, D, incomplete.- Is making love really nothing more than a pop quiz? If sex is a test, how do we know if we're passing or Falling? How do you know if you're good in bed?"
[edit] Twenty-Something Girls vs. Thirty-Something Women
- Charlotte : It's a really cute three bedroom cottage and they're giving us a fantastic deal for the month of August.
- Carrie : Yeah, of course it's a good deal. It's haunted with cheating boyfriends and sexual rejection.
- Samantha : We could always burn sage.
- Carrie : The Hampton's Jitney is just like the bus to summer camp. Only instead of singing songs, everyone ignores each other and talks on their cell phones.
- Charlotte : ...if he asks, he thinks I'm 27.
- Carrie [voiceover] : Evidently while we had taken the midtown tunnel, Charlotte had taken the time tunnel.
- Carrie : Are you seriously telling me that you've never had sex with a man?
- Laurel : That is correct.
- Carrie : Okay, aah, now, what do you consider sex?
- Laurel : Are you implying I'm some kind of Lewinsky?
- Carrie : And then I realized something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.
[edit] Ex and the City
- Samantha : I've never been able to be friends with any man. Why would I? Women are for friendships, men are for fucking.
- Samantha : Honey, you have got to learn to form an opinion.
- Carrie : There is no way that the love that I had with Big is the same thing that he has with Natasha.
- Miranda : "Natasha"? When did you stop calling her "the idiot stick figure with no soul"?
- Miranda [crying] : I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I just... I hadn't seen you in so long and I missed you, and then I did that shitty thing!
- Steve : It wasn't that shitty, really.
- Miranda : It was! It was a shitty thing! I'm a shitty person!
- Steve : You're not a shitty person.
- Miranda : I am! I am shitty! You would never do anything so shitty!
- Steve : What do you call showing up in the middle of the afternoon to call you shitty?
- [PAUSE]
- Miranda : Yeah, that was pretty shitty!
- Carrie : An hour later I had solved the unsolvable friendship equation. It seems the answer is this: cosmopolitans plus scotch equals friendship with an ex.
- Carrie : You broke up with James because he was too small. This guy's too big. Who are you, Goldicocks?
- Samantha : Yep! I'm looking for one that's juuuust right.
- Carrie : Your girl is lovely, Hubble.
- Big : I don't get it.
- Carrie : you never did.
- Samantha : You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too Big.
- Carrie : Then I had a thought, maybe I didn't break Big. Maybe the problem was he couldn't break me. Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free, until they find someone just as wild, to run with.
[edit] Season 3 (2000)
[edit] Where There's Smoke
- Charlotte : I got us some Staten Island Ice Teas.
- Samantha : Is that like Long Island Ice Tea?
- Miranda [after taking one sip] : Hello, I'm drunk!
- Miranda : What is it about fireman, even when they aren't that cute, they're cute... ya know?!
- Samantha : Its that whole hero complex
- Carrie : And then there's the weight restriction
- Charlotte : Its because women just really want to be rescued.
- Miranda : Who would've thought an island that tiny would be big enough to hold all our old boyfriends?
- Miranda : I do not have Steve. There is no having of the Steve. We're just friends.
- Samantha : No, we're just friends. I don't put my dick in you.
- Charlotte [drunk] : I'm nice. I'm pretty, and smart! I'm a catch!
- Charlotte : I've been dating since I was fifteen! I'm exhausted! Where is he?
- Miranda : Who, the White Knight?
- Samantha : That only happens in fairy tales.
- Carrie : Little Miss Hangover is right. Can we lighten up on the cock talk 'till cocktail time?
- Charlotte [hung-over] : My hair hurts.
- Carrie : I lost my Choo!
[edit] Politically Erect
- Carrie : I figured we made a good match. I was adept at fashion; he was adept at politics. And really, what's the difference? They're both about recycling shop-worn ideas and making them seem fresh and inspiring.
- Charlotte : I can't believe you're dating a politician. You're not even registered to vote!
- Carrie : It's the undecideds they're really after.
- Samantha : I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties.
- Stanford : I can only stay a few minutes. I got tickets to the Vagina Monologues.
- Carrie : Why?
- Stanford : Just because I don't eat at the restaurant doesn't mean I can't hear the specials.
- [Upon seeing a firefighter stripper]
- Samantha : Hello, 911. I'm on fire!
[edit] Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman
- Carrie : There are very few things this New Yorker loves as much as Sunday brunch. You can sleep until noon and still get eggs anywhere in the city, alcohol is often included with the meal, and Sunday is the one day a week you get the single woman's sports pages: the New York Times wedding section.
- Miranda : I love how they say "until recently, the bride [worked]."
- Carrie : Yeah, meaning she quit her job as soon as she found her soul-mate-slash-investment-banker.
- Carrie : You know who these women marry? The Roman Numeral guys.
- Samantha : I find the higher the number the worse the sex. I went out with somebody the third who couldn't even get it up.
- Miranda : Imagine how bad Henry VIII must have been.
- Carrie : Yeah, you give him head - he cuts yours off!
- Miranda : Do you have a rolling pin?
- Carrie : On me?
- Miranda : In your kitchen.
- Carrie : Are you kidding me? I use my oven for storage.
- Carrie : I've talked to her twice. Once I was in a cowboy hat and once I was in my bra. I'm like frickin' Annie Get Your Clothes On.
- Miranda : What's in your goodie drawer? Robert's Rules of Order?
- Charlotte : I don't have a goodie drawer.
- Carrie : Oh, everybody has a goodie drawer.
- Samantha : I have a goodie closet!
- Samantha : Hello, my name is Fabulous.
[edit] Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl
- Samantha : You know, women dressing like men is very popular right now.
- Carrie : And here I thought it was Pokemon.
- Samantha : I once dated a guy who liked to wear my underwear but I've never gone the other way.
- Stanford : See, when you're gay, everyone can wear everyone's underwear.
- Charlotte : That's hygienic.
- Carrie about her date : He's not that young.
- Miranda : He's twenty-six. His generation has a totally different letter than ours.
- Sean who's ice skating with Carrie : I'm guessing it's easier to balance when you're not smoking.
- Carrie : Smoking is the only thing that keeps me balanced.
- Carrie : He's a bisexual.
- Samantha : I could've told you that, sweetie. He took you ice skating for god's sake!
- Samantha : I'm a trisexual. I'll try anything once.
- Carrie : I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it's just a layover on the way to gaytown.
- Miranda : Isn't that next to Ricky Martin-ville?
- Samantha : The bad news is youre fired. The good news is now I can fuck you.
- Carrie : Vodka, rum, gin, gay, bi, straight...this party was a veritable pu pu platter of sexual orientation.
[edit] No Ifs, Ands Or Butts
- Charlotte : ...you shouldn't be talking like that at all, Samantha, it's rude and politically incorrect.
- Carrie : Sweetie, a reminder: Samantha is rude and politically incorrect.
- Miranda : She's an equal opportunity offender.
- Charlotte on her date who's a very bad kisser : He raped my face! I'm never seeing him again!
- Samantha : Adeena, I'm a lovely woman. At least get to know me, then hate me.
[edit] Are We Sluts?
- Charlotte : Do you think I'm a whore?
- Samantha : Oh please, if you're a whore, what does that make me?
- Miranda : I can't tonight, I have chlamydia.
- Carrie : Wow! It's like a Danielle Steele novel in here!
- Aidan : From a writer, I'm pretty sure that's an insult.
- Samantha : They practically chased me with torches like I was Fuckenstein!
[edit] Drama Queens
- Carrie : I realized I was in the throes of an existential crisis. One that not even the sight of this season's Dolce & Gabbana strappy sandals could lift me out of.
- Miranda : Steve is completely predictable but that's one of the things I love about him. He's just so comfortable and safe.
- Carrie : Are you dating a man or a minivan?
- Samantha : Your relationship is my greatest fear.
- Samantha : From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is.
- Miranda : I just don't get it. Why do men get skidmarks? Is it laziness or are they just in a rush?
- Carrie : I don't know, but whatever it is it goes hand in hand with urinating on the seat.
- Miranda : I tell you one thing: when your boyfriend is so comfortable he can't be bothered to wipe his ass, that's the end of romance right there.
- Charlotte : You kept all of your great single friends away from me just so you could cheat on your wife? [Slaps him] You should be ashamed of yourself!
- Guy : You're such a spark plug! I love that about you!
- Charlotte : I am not interested in starting some married man's car!
[edit] The Big Time
- Carrie : So you're "everything but" girl.
- Charlotte : I like to think of it as "kissing with extras."
- Carrie : How very ninth grade of you.
- Charlotte : Did you know I read that if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become re-virginized?
- Carrie : And, I would imagine, quite frisky.
- Charlotte : How old were you [when you lost your virginity]?
- Carrie : Eleventh grade. Seth Bateman. His smelly rec room. Half a joint, three thrusts, finito.
- Charlotte : Eew!
- Carrie : And P.S.—it was on the ping pong table.
- Charlotte : Listen to this: sometime in the ten years before menopause, you may experience symptoms including all-month long PMS, fluid retention, insomnia, depression, hot flashes or irregular periods.
- Carrie : On the plus side, people start to give up their seats for you on the bus.
- Charlotte looking at a catalog : Oh my god! Vagina weights!
- Samantha : Honey, my vagina waits for no man.
- Steve : Oh come on, I want a baby. It would be fun.
- Miranda : It's not like owning a foosball table, Steve.
- Charlotte : Do you have another?
- Carrie : Ladies, I am not Tampax central. Put on list: buy tampons.
- Charlotte : Well, I have them at home but they won't fit in my Kate Spade purse.
- Miranda : Wow—Kate must have a tiny vagina.
- Miranda : I do not want [a baby] eventually and my clock is running out... I mean, I've only got like a million viable eggs left.
- Carrie : Three hundred of which we just killed with those martinis at lunch.
[edit] Easy Come, Easy Go
- Carrie : I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife. But in those fantasies, I was running over them with a truck.
- Big : Hey, have you got a light?
- Carrie : I quit.
- Big : Aw, we always used to share a cigarette together.
- Carrie : We did a lot of things that were bad for me together.
- Samantha : Well, let's just say it: you won.
- Carrie : Was there a contest?
- Samantha : Oh please! There's always a contest with an ex. It's called "who will die miserable."
- Charlotte : Trey is this close to proposing, I can feel it.
- Carrie : Oh my god, really?
- Miranda : You just met! I've had pairs of pantyhose longer!
- Samantha : The guy I'm seeing has the funkiest tasting spunk.
- [Charlotte abruptly leaves the restaurant]
- Miranda : And she's never coming back!
- Samantha : Maybe there's something he can eat to make it sweeter.
- Carrie : Maybe you should write to Martha Stewart.
- Miranda : "Dear Martha: Funky spunk. Help."
- Miranda to Carrie, who's listening to an answering machine message from Big : We could analyze this for years and never know, I mean, they still don't know who killed Kennedy.
- Aidan : Don't take this the wrong way but this place could use a little work.
- Carrie : I know, but I can't afford it.
- Aidan : You've got eighty thousand bucks' worth of shoes over there.
- Carrie : I needed those!
- Charlotte : I proposed to myself!
- Carrie : What?
- Charlotte : Yes. I suggested he have a tomato salad, then I suggested we get married.
- Carrie : Wait. What exactly did he say?
- Charlotte : Alrighty!
- Carrie : Alrighty? He said alrighty? Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, it's that you proposed to a guy that says "alrighty."
- Charlotte : Oh, Carrie, stop!
- Carrie : Alrighty.
- Adam : Come on, give me a little BJ, up and down a couple times, you're done, it's easy!
- Samantha : Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'!
[edit] All or Nothing
- Samantha : Don't beat yourself up. Aidan hasn't said "I love you" yet. Until he does, you're a free agent.
- Carrie : What is that, The Rules according to Samantha?
- Samantha : See? I'm more old fashioned than you think.
- Miranda reviewing Charlotte's prenuptial agreement : Listen, this is just their opening offer. It's totally standard to go back in and negotiate.
- Charlotte : Negotiate? I can't even buy stuff on sale!
- Carrie : There'll be no next time. This is going to be like Bridges of Madison Avenue, a very brief affair I'll write about in sappy letters to my grandchildren.
- Samantha : I'm starving! Where's the food?
- Miranda : They're WASPs. There's never food, only booze.
- Samantha : Fine. One martini, six olives.
- Samantha : There's two kinds of guys. The ones who hold your hand and the ones that fuck you.
[edit] Running With Scissors
- Carrie : When Charles Dickens wrote "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," I believe he must have been having an affair with his married ex-boyfriend.
- Carrie : Our affair, like our hotels, had gone from elegant with crystal to seedy with plastic cups.
- Carrie : You've heard those stories about affairs where people realize how great their other relationship is and end it without anyone being the wiser.
- Miranda : I don't watch Lifetime television for women.
- Carrie : It was a typical downtown male mix. Ten percent Wall Street, ten percent real estate, and ten percent [Samantha had] already slept with.
- Miranda looking at a bride magazine : Ooh! Cute purse!
- Charlotte : No purses! There's no time for purses! This is gown-specific!
- Miranda : What's your theme again? A Nazi wedding?
- Samantha : What if I have it?
- Carrie : You don't have it.
- Samantha : Sometimes it takes me a really long time to get over a cold.
- Carrie : That's not AIDS, it's central air conditioning.
- Carrie : Charlotte was thrilled. Anthony was like the pushy Italian mother she never had.
- Nurse : Do you swallow?
- Samantha : Only when surprised.
- Carrie : We're so over, we need a new word for over.
[edit] Don't Ask, Don't Tell
- Samantha on kilts : I like the idea of men in skirts. Easy access.
- Miranda [talking about a man wearing a kilt]: I wonder what they wear underneath thoses?
- Samantha : I'll find out!
- Charlotte : Carrie, you're right, you have to tell him. But not before the wedding. It's supposed to be my week.
- Miranda : It's your day. You get a day. Not a week.
- Charlotte [whispering] : Could you please not use the F-word in Vera Wang?
- Charlotte : Is it so much to ask that you not wear your dress up around your see you next Tuesday?
- Samantha : My what?
- Charlotte [drawing characters in the air] : C - U - Next -
- Carrie : Tuesday? Oh my god! Was that a schoolhouse rock I missed?
- Charlotte [After the wedding] I finally get to sleep with Trey.
- Carrie : Excuse me?
- Miranda : You haven't slept with him yet?
- Samantha : Honey, before you buy the car you take it for a test drive!
- Charlotte [drunk] : I want to do things to him that I have never done to anyone. Like the other night I was thinking about putting whipped cream all over my body.
- Samantha : Low fat Kool Whip is the best. It's less sticky than other brands.
[edit] Escape From New York
- Charlotte : I can't believe you're all going to LA without me.
- Miranda : We still can't believe you went on your honeymoon without us!
- Charlotte : So how are you?
- Carrie : I'm good. How are you?
- Charlotte : Great.
- [pause]
- Carrie : I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me.
- Charlotte : Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon.
- Carrie : You win. So. Should we get more coffee or should we get two guns and kill ourselves?
- [Carrie is having trouble driving a stick-shift car]
- Miranda : Why didn't you just get an automatic?
- Carrie : I love this car! It goes with my outfit.
- Samantha : I've got something to make you feel better. [Hands Carrie and Miranda packages]
- Carrie : Oh! Dildos before 10 am! I'm all perked up!
- Guy : This floor's non smoking!
- Carrie : I have an addiction, sir!
- Carrie : If I could master a stick shift, could a successful relationship be that far behind?
[edit] Sex and Another City
- Carrie on her Brazilian bikini wax : I got mugged! She took everything I got!
- Samantha : That's the thing about the Brazilian. It makes you do crazy things. You have to be very careful who you invite to Brazil.
- Samantha : Drinking with three blondes! I guess that's a regular day for you.
- Hugh Hefner : A slow one, yes.
- Miranda : Maybe it's time that I stop being so angry.
- Carrie : Yeah, but what would you do with all your free time?
- Charlotte : Could you have more condoms?
- Samantha : I did, yes.
- Carrie : One woman's pornographer is another woman's spiritual leader.
- Charlotte : My marriage is a fake Fendi!
- Miranda to Samantha, who's offered to take Charlotte to a Playboy Mansion party : Why would that cheer her up? Does she look like a 22-year-old frat boy?
- Samantha : That bunny's got my bag!
[edit] Hot Child in the City
- Wade : I know you've heard of Wonder Woman.
- Carrie : Ooh, with the bracelets and the tiara. I used to love that even her accessories had superpowers.
- Carrie : I'm scootin' in heels!
- Carrie : So are you saying there's no way you'd go out with a guy who lived with his family?
- Samantha : Well... maybe Prince William.
- Samantha : Are you in pain? I'm in pain just looking at you.
- Miranda : I'm a 34-year-old woman with braces and I'm on a liquid diet. Pain doesn't begin to cover it.
- Carrie : When you're a teenager, all you want to do is buy beer. But once you hit 30 all you want to do is to get carded.
- Psychiatrist : One client rather whimsically dubbed his anus "the chocolate starfish."
- Trey : Are you quite sure you went to Yale?
- Carrie's answering machine message : Hi. I'm not here but my shoes are, so leave them a message.
- Carrie [laughing uncontrollably] : Wait, Wade, Wait...The Chicken Wings! If they come in and see billions of chicken wings they're gonna know
- [more laughing]
- Carrie : ....that we were smoking the POT!
- Carrie : In the end I decided I was definitely 34 going on 35, but in a city like New York, with its pace and its pressures, sometimes it's important to have a 13-year-old moment. To remember a simpler time when the best thing in life was just hanging out, listening to records and having fun with your friends. In your very own apartment.
[edit] Frenemies
- Miranda on being stood up on a first date : He doesn't even know me. The least he could do is wait to get to know me before he rejects me.
- Miranda : They're starting to die on us.
- Charlotte : Oh my god.
- Samantha : Well, at least you weren't stood up.
- Miranda : 35 and they're dying! We should just give up now.
- Carrie : Well, on the bright side this could explain why they don't call back.
- Charlotte : How did he...
- Miranda : Heart attack. At the gym.
- Carrie : See? This is why I don't work out.
- Charlotte : We've been trying, you know, to...
- Samantha : Fuck?
- Charlotte : Whatever. And it's just not...
- Samantha : Getting big and hard?
- Carrie : What is this, dirty Mad Libs?
- Samantha : Hey, you almost masturbated, he almost got it up, together you almost had sex.
- Miranda : Everybody masturbates.
- Samantha : Mmm, I did it this morning.
- Carrie : Well, that explains why I got your voicemail.
- Carrie : Do you know that there are no available men out there?
- Miranda : Ahh, we're at my date's wake, so—yes.
- Carrie : Awww, wow, he's cute!
- Miranda : Was. Damn.
- Miranda at her date's post-wake party : He set money aside for this.
- Carrie : That's nice. "I'm dead, you're not, enjoy the buffet!"
- Jim : I'm an engineer now.
- Carrie : On the railroad?
- Samantha on Charlotte : That girl needs the stick out of her ass and a dick in her coochie, pronto!
- Miranda : I'm staying way out of this one.
- Carrie : Way out. New Jersey out.
[edit] What Goes Around Comes Around
- Miranda : After years of odd men, the universe is throwing me a bone.
- Carrie : And if you 're lucky, a boner as well!
- Carrie : I came here today because I needed to say how sorry I am. I am deeply sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong and I'm sorry.
- Natasha : Are you through?
- Carrie : Yes. Thank you for listening.
- Natasha : Wait.. I'm sorry too.
- Carrie : You are?
- Natasha :Yes, I'm sorry about it all. I' m sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry that we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you and I'm sorry that i pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery this tooth is still a different colour than this tooth. Finally I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now, not only have you ruined my marriage, you 've ruined my lunch.
- Carrie : The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.
[edit] Cock-A-Doodle-Do
- Carrie: You can't run. Your shoe straps will break!
- Charlotte: It's infuriating! Women sit around, obsessing about what went wrong, while men just say "alrighty", and move on
- Samantha : Honey, you look back so much you should have a relationship rearview mirror.
- Miranda : Relationships may appear closer than they actually are.
- Big: She left!
- Carrie: I heard.
- Big: How?
- Carrie: I think it was on the news.
- Carrie: We're like war buddies! War buddies in Calvin Klein robes.
- Samantha: (At a BBQ) Who wants a weiner?
- Transexual: Girl, I'm trying to get rid of one!
- Samantha: Shut up you bitches I called the cops!
- Transexual: Suck my cock!
- Samantha: Keep talking and I'll come down there and cut it off for you!
- Carrie :[Narrating] Later that night, I got to thinking about men, and women and relationships. Or more to the point, how women feel men disappoint them in relationships. Then a radical, almost earth-shattering thought popped into my head. What if everything isn't the man's fault? After a certain age, and a certain number of relationships; if it still isn't working and the ex's seem to be moving on and we don't, perhaps the problem isn't the last boyfriend, or the one before him, or even the one before him! Could it be, that the problem isn't them, but horror of horrors - is it us?
[edit] Season 4 (2001–2002)
[edit] The Agony and the 'Ex'tasy
- Samantha : That's the postal equivalent of a drive-by shooting.
- Carrie : Yeah, and I thought those fifty-seven menus I get every day from Hunan Munan were annoying.
- on dating service flyers
- Miranda: (Reading from a singles introduction pamphlet) Don't let him slip away
- Carries: I know. It's almost like a threat. We have him, but he's slipping away, slipping, oops, there he goes!
- Carrie : I'd like to think that people have more than one soulmate.
- Samantha : I agree! I've had hundreds.
- Carrie : Yeah! And you know what, if you miss one, along comes another one. Like cabs.
- Carrie : If two people only have one thought between them, something is very wrong.
- Samantha : Well, I remember when Danny had more than one thought, and they all involved going up my ass.
- Carrie : I'm thirty-five.
- Samantha : Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm a hundred and forty.
- Samantha on her filling out the age portion of a survey : Honey, welcome to my box.
- Miranda : Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?
- Miranda : He couldn't remember my name?
- Carrie : Maybe you should have shown him both boobs.
- Miranda : I used to masturbate to a busboy who was rude to me once. What do you think that means?
- Carrie [on masturbating to George Clooney] : Clooney's like a Chanel suit, he'll always be in style.
- Drunken Birthday Girl at a restaurant : Twenty five!? FUCK I'm old!
- Samantha : Look at his robe. So "Robin and his Merry Men."
[edit] The Real Me
- Miranda : Smart, yes, sometimes cute, but never sexy. Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.
- Carrie : You win men over with your personality?
- Carrie : Your vagina's depressed?
- Charlotte : The mood elevator sort of corrects the imbalance.
- Miranda : Wait a minute, how do you know your vagina's depressed?
- Charlotte : There are symptoms!
- Carrie : Like what, it can't meet its deadline?
- Miranda: It always wants to go to Krispy Kreme?
- Charlotte: So every day, I have to keep a vagina diary.
- Miranda: No, come on? Dear vagina, why so blue kind of diary?
- Carrie:Dear vagina. Guess who I have a crush on?
- Charlotte:No! More like "itchy today, not itchy....
- Carrie: Sounds like a bestseller!
- Charlotte: (talking about her vagina) I don't want to look. I think it's ugly.
- Miranda: Well maybe, that's why it's depressed!
- Miranda : I'm fine...but Charlotte, maybe your "hmmm hmmm" would like an order of fries?
- Samantha : I just got my nude photos back and I want you all to take a look
- Miranda : OK, but only until the food arrives.
- Lynn Cameron (fashion show producer) [to Carrie] : You're fucking doing my show if I have to hunt you down, skin you alive and have one of the other models fucking wear you.
- Stanford : Ooh! Gucci and Dolce and Dior!
- Carrie : Oh my!
- Stanford : Oh my god! She's fashion road kill!
- Charlotte : I was a teen model when the Ralph Lauren store opened in New Canaan.
- Miranda : Okay, it was amazing that I could keep my lunch down just now.
- Anthony on his cell : Sorry, thought it was my Mother. FIFTEEN phone calls to make sure I get her the cheapest possible sheets from Bed, Bath and Friggin Beyond!
- O (Dolce & Gabbana Designer) : Oh look what the pussy's dragged in.
- Samantha : Who knows, he's a man. You could lay your pussy on a table right in front of one and still not know what he's thinking.
- Anthony : What, because he's gay and I'm gay? Look let me clear something up for you. I'm a nice little package. I have good arms and a high, tight ass. I could do a lot better.
- Carrie: (Carrie is fallen on the runway and she gets up) When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep on walking."
[edit] Defining Moments
- Samantha : Oh, who cares what you are! Just enjoy it.
- Charlotte : No, I need to know where we're going.
- Carrie : Yes, we'd like to know where you're going as well, since evidently you'll be having sex there.
- Samantha : There isn't enough wall space in New York City to hang all of my exes. Let me tell you—a lot of them were hung.
- Samantha [to Carrie about Big] : Have fun, just don't have amnesia.
[edit] What's Sex Got to do With It?
- Carrie : You just caught us a little off guard with the lesbian thing.
- Samantha : That's just a label, like Gucci or Versace.
- Carrie : Or Birkenstock.
- Miranda to Carrie's answering machine : Your good friend Miranda has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You will probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic.
[edit] Ghost Town
- Charlotte : Your mother decorated this entire apartment, didn't she.
- Trey : Of course! Mother does all our houses.
- Charlotte : I should have known. The plaid, and the mallards...
- Trey : You don't like them?
- Charlotte : No! It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness!
- Maria : You call this a relationship?
- Samantha : Well, it's tedious and the sex is dwindling, so from what I've heard, YES!
- Samantha : Well what am I supposed to say, "hi this is my lesbian lover and p.s. I'm done with dick?"
- Carrie: Miranda, I'm still asleep. How can you have had an emotional mini-drama already?
- Samantha : Would it be bad to have a martini with my muscle relaxant or bad in a good way?"
- Carrie : It's not a party. It's a parade of our failed relationships.
[edit] Baby, Talk is Cheap
- Charlotte : I promise I won't become one of those mothers who can only talk about diaper genies.
- Carrie : Good.
- Samantha : What the hell is a diaper genie?
- Carrie : I don't know... someone you hire to change a kid's diaper?
- Miranda : He kind of... licked my butt.
- Samantha : Be specific. Do you mean the cheeks, or...?
- Miranda : It was more localized than that.
- Samantha : Wait a minute. Are we... are we talking tookus lingus?
- Carrie : How did this happen? How did they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?
- Miranda : I bet there's one loud-mouthed guy who found some woman who loved it and told everyone 'women LOVE this!'
- Carrie : Who is this guy?
- Miranda : Who's the woman who loved it?
- Samantha : Don't knock it 'till you've tried it!
- Carrie : Bingo!
- Miranda : Okay, I'm definitely in the slow sexual group if even Charlotte is open to this.
- Carrie : I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up.
- Samantha : You've got to get online, honey. If only for the porn
[edit] Time and Punishment
- Samantha : Fuck men. We have to run to Helga the Hot Waxer every other week, but them? How would they like it if we told them to shape their hedge, trim their trunk?
- Carrie : Plant their bulbs? I'm sorry, we are talking about gardening, aren't we?
- Carrie : I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies: two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together—like chocolate and peanut butter.
- Charlotte : I choose my choice!
- Samantha : And you should see the bush on him. I need a weedwacker just to find his dick!
- Samantha : Every time I blow you I feel like I'm flossing.
- Samantha : You have a lot of nerve telling me to get a wax. If you were in Aruba the natives could bead your back.
- Aidan : Snug as a bug in a rug!
[edit] My Motherboard, My Self
- Charlotte : Whose legs bend back that far?
- Miranda : This is like sex for the boneless!
- Samantha : See, that's what I love about this guy, Nick, I'm seeing.
- Miranda : He's de-boned?
- Charlotte : You exchanged keys? That's big!
- Carrie : No, that's the opposite of Big.
- Samantha : I've lost my orgasm.
- Carrie : In the cab?
- Charlotte : What do you mean, 'lost'?
- Samantha : I just spent the last two hours fucking with no finale.
- Carrie : It happens. Sometimes you just can't get there.
- Samantha : I can always get there.
- Charlotte : Every time you have sex?
- Carrie : She's exaggerating. Please say you're exaggerating.
- Samantha : Well, I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.
- Carrie : Now let's retrace your steps. Were you on top?
- Samantha : How is that relevant?
- Charlotte : You mean you can have them on the bottom?
- Samantha : Top, bottom, upside down...
- Carrie : All right, now you're just showing off.
- Carrie : Philadelphia. Just a hop, skip, a cab, a metroliner and another cab away.
- Charlotte : Those flowers were supposed to say "We're so sorry, we love you," not "You're dead, let's disco"!
[edit] Sex and the Country
- Trey : She's expecting us. If we miss the orchid show she'll be devastated.
- Charlotte : Then I guess we'll just have to have sex at your mother's.
- Trey : People having sex in Connecticut? There's a first time for everything.
- Carrie : You can't be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat in a cuter outfit.
- Carrie : Yes, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, large fries and a cosmopolitan.
- Samantha : Who's the farmer with the delts?
- Carrie : Young MacDonald?
- Samantha : Oooh! E-I-E-I-O!
- Samantha : What is it with the weekends now? I swear to God every guy I've fucked since Memorial Day wants to know what I'm doing this weekend. They just don't get it. My weekends are for meeting new guys so I don't have to keep fucking the old ones.
- Samantha while milking a cow and squirting herself in the face : I usually get a little warning before that happens.
- Samantha : Anything else around here need milking?
- Carrie : What's he doing out here?
- Samantha : Pushups, by the look of it.
- Carrie : The only thing that I have ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several little fires.
- Samantha : These [fast food apple pies] are surprisingly delicious!
- Carrie : I know! Why would anybody go to the trouble of making one when you can buy one that is so perfect and individually sized?
- Carrie : If by "going," you mean being taken against my will and kidnapped, then yes I'm going. So, enjoy me now, ladies, because this weekend I am Patty Hearst in a mud puddy. I'm a hick town hostage.
- Carrie : The only way to get anything to eat in the country is to make it yourself...I'm in no mood for Bisquick!
[edit] Belles of the Balls
- Miranda : There's nothing to be embarrassed about; he's still got one.
- Carrie : Miranda, they come in a set. Like earrings.
- Carrie : I'm thinking balls are to men what purses are to women. It's just a little bag, but we feel naked in public without it.
- Charlotte : We're having Trey's sperm tested.
- Miranda : Is it not doing well in school?
- Miranda : [Women] care about nice arms, great eyes, big dick! I have never once heard a woman say "he had such a big, full scrotum."
- Miranda : Men—wait, let me rephrase that—some men...
- Carrie : Good move, counselor. That will look much better on the court transcripts of this dinner.
- Charlotte : I bought you this.
- Trey : Juggs?
- Charlotte : I know how much you like them!
- Charlotte : Look. She's got big boobs. So does she. It's the big boobs bonanza issue..
- Samantha on not getting hired because she's a woman : What does he think I'm gonna do? Get my period and ruin his empire?!
[edit] Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
- Carrie:I know, I'm 10 minutes late.
- Miranda:Well I'm three weeks late.
- Carrie:What?
- Miranda:I'm pregnant.
- Miranda : Which is why I called you to meet me here on the corner of 23rd and I'm in Hell!.
- Carrie:You're pregnant? Really?
- Miranda:No, I just thought it would be a fun thing to say. Fuck!
- Miranda : He only has one ball and I have a lazy ovary. In what twisted world does that create a baby? ... It's like the special Olympics of conception!
- Charlotte:Do you know how many times Trey and I have done it without a condom? 73! Have you any idea how much perfectly fine semen that is?
- Carrie:No. Samantha? Rough estimate?
- Carrie : If I weren't perpetually 10 minutes late, would my life be totally different?
- Aidan : Well, if Miranda doesn't want the kid, can't she just give it to Charlotte?
- Carrie : No... it's not like a sweater.
- Samantha on the Hermes Birkin bag : Oh honey, it's not so much the style, it's what carrying it means!
- Carrie : It means you're out four thousand bucks.
- Carrie : 'Here. Swear. Swear on Chanel.
- Carrie : I made him swear on Chanel.
- Miranda : Well, as long as he took the oath of fabric!
- Samantha : If it's so hard to get pregnant, how do you account for the number of crying children on planes?
- Carrie : Did you ever get a girl pregnant?
- Aidan : Not that I know of.
- Carrie : GodDAMN, it must be nice to be a guy sometimes.
[edit] Just Say Yes
- Carrie : Maybe this is all happening because my building is going co-op. Is this a real estate merger? Am I a real estate bride?
- Miranda : If there were unlimited apartments in Manhattan, we'd all be single forever.
- Charlotte : We're not barren, we're reproductively challenged!
[edit] The Good Fight
- Carrie : Someone once said that two halves make a whole. And when two halves move in together, it makes a whole lot of stuff.
- Samantha : This is why I've never lived with a man. This and the fact I want them out an hour after I climax.
- Miranda : You let them stay a whole hour?
- Miranda on Samantha actually liking a Guy : Oh my God we're gonna have to ice skate home. Hell just froze over.
- Samantha : Okay, you want details? Okay. He's got the most perfect dick I've ever seen. Long, pink, amazing. It's dickalicious!
- Miranda : I don't know... is it okay to fuck one guy when you're pregnant with another guy's baby?
- Carrie : If one more person asks me that today...
- Miranda : This is the last chance. Last chance for sex.
- Carrie : You're not on death row.
- Miranda : Yes I am! Dead woman fucking!
- Carrie : I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious posers. Now I know: They are people who have recently moved in with someone.
[edit] All That Glitters
- Samantha [answering the phone] : Well, it's about fucking time! Get over here and do me!
- Carrie : Is that your standard greeting now?
- Miranda : Why don't straight men have bodies like this?
- Carrie : Because gay men have the possibility of sex at the gym. If straight men had that they'd be working out all the time too.
- Samantha : I've had sex at the gym.
- Carrie : See? Samantha's doing her part to motivate the masses!
- Carrie : Are you two together?
- Anthony : No, but I'm hoping we will be around 3:30 [am].
- Charlotte : I can't believe you took ecstasy from a stranger!
- Samantha : It's not a stranger, it was a friend of my friend Bobby's friend Bobby.
- Miranda : Oh, well then we know it's safe. Will we be going to a rave later?
- Stanford : I saw the way you were behaving. You're sleeping with the beautiful man!
- Carrie : The beautiful man is gay.
- Stanford : Damn! That accent always throws me. (referring to Australian accent)
- Charlotte : Aaah! It's gay porn!!
- Miranda : What was your first clue?
- Charlotte : You said we were watching an independent film! I brought biscotti!
- Carrie : Gay boyfriends are the loophole of monogamy.
- Carrie : I'd been so preoccupied by my gay boyfriend, I kept forgetting about my gay husband.
[edit] Change of a Dress
- Carrie : Ooh! I forgot about the washer and dryer! I've been dreaming about that my whole New York life!
- Miranda : I just faked a sonogram.
- Carrie : You know what they say: If it ain't broke...
- Samantha : Don't marry it.